Sometimes people might want to answer "A. As Often as Possible" because they figure that it is like getting "free" sex and they should take as much as they can.  That does seem reasonable.

Sometimes people might want to answer "B. 2-3 Times a Week"  because they figure, it is just like dating someone anyways and they want to enjoy themselves with their lover and it gives them time to see their friends-with-benefits lover AND still have time to go out, do their errands, and have time to themselves. That does seem reasonable too.

Sometimes people might want to answer "C. Every Weekend"  because they figure the person is just a friends-with-benefits and they have busy lives, but that they should be willing to commit to meeting every weekend so that neither one has to date anyone else so they can have guaranteed sex, and a guaranteed plan for the weekend, and no one ends up lonely.  That does seem reasonable as well. 

Sometime people might want to answer "D. Once a Week, Or Less"  because they figure that a friends-with-benefits is not a serious commitment sex partner, and that they want to enjoy the benefits, but still keep a proper emotional distance.


​
These are ALL REASONABLE INTERPRETATIONS.

But there is only ONE RIGHT ANSWER

The Answer is D. Once a Week, Or Less

A proper FWB relationship means you only see each other once a week. Twice a week on occasion if you plan a special getaway.

​One of the biggest mistakes that partners make in FWB is that they try to see each other as often as they can in a short time period. All this will do is confuse the issue.

Seeing each other more than once a week is acting like more serious relationship than it is, and can nurture romantic feelings to develop.

​If you act like you are more than just a FWB, you can expect one or both partners to start feeling, wanting or expecting more from each other


​

And just because the complaints were so amazing, I posted a number of them here:


Playing hard to get, taking time to respond, hot & cold thinking it'll make the guy more interested.
-R.​

People who feign interest in another person with no intention of following through to boost their own ego. example: When a woman tells a man she wants to see his new place. Then the man tries to set up a time to make that happen and the woman suddenly stops responding or says she was just kidding.
-J

​What is CookandDate?
by Cristina Mucciardi

CookandDate is one of, if not the best way to meet likeminded singles today…

Of course I’m bias as to why CookandDate is such a great way to meet potential mates because I am the founder, however time and time again we get so much positive feedback that we can’t think otherwise. 

​
The concept is simple, get a group of singles together (average 16) in a private kitchen, with a preset menu and have them mingle and cook together before enjoying the wonderful meal. 

​
We advertise 10-15 year age categories so that people can choose an appropriate age group based on whom they are looking to meet …

​

​

​CookandDate, offers weekly culinary and cocktail events for singles. The evening's format has guests interact by cooking several courses and a sit-down meal. Chefs cover various cuisines, including French, Italian, Mediterranean, Indian, Kenyan and Caribbean. CookandDate recently launched events in Toronto and New York City as well as an expansion across  Canada and the United States.  

You Do Not Have Time For Toxic People
By Frank Kermit
 
When I lecture, coach or regularly talk on the radio about Toxic people,

I usually define Toxic people as lacking the capacity to reason, or people who have the capacity to reason but just do not want to reason with you.

I often advise that the best way to deal with a toxic person is not to deal with that person at all.

The Hierarchy of Sex, Dating and Relationships
By Frank Kermit
 
One of the biggest mistakes people make in relationships is to promote someone up the hierarchy of commitment that has not really earned it.

​The Ten Levels of Commitment In the hierarchy of relationships (specifically romantic relationships), the categories are: 

• Legal Spouse (can be substituted with Life Partner, or Co-Parent)
• Engaged Fiancé  (can be substituted with Live-in Partner) 

• Monogamous Exclusive Partner  OR  Non-Monogamous Primary Partner (Same Level)
• Casual Dating (Public) Partner
• Friends-With-Benefits (Private) Partner
• One-Night-Stand
• Non-Romantic Friend
• Off-Limits-For-Now
• Off-Limits-For-Ever
• Toxic

From least committal (Toxic) to most committal (Legal Spouse).

Below is a Chart from the chapter The Hierarchy of Dating and Relationships from my coaching workbooks.  One of the principles I teach in my coaching workbooks for men and women, "I'm A Man, That's My Job" and "I'm a Woman, It's My Time" respectively is that to make any relationship work is that COMMITMENT MUST BE EARNED. ​

​

​For example, let's say the person you are casually dating (non-exclusive partner) is someone that drinks alcohol regularly, but your personal criteria for a spouse is someone that rarely drinks at all.
​

The reason being that there is no point in getting exclusive with someone if there is no long term possibility with that person. Even if you are madly in love with that person, you still must resist the temptation to seek a stronger commitment with that person.
​

When you take your relationship to the next level (promote your partner up the hierarchy) it has to be based on how your partner continues to prove he or she satisfies your personal criteria.

And when you demote a partner down the hierarchy (from exclusive partner to friends-with-benefits) it cannot be because you "just are not feeling it right now".

It has to be because they have stop satisfying your criteria.
​​​

How you feel about a person plays less of a role in emotionally healthy relationships that most people think.​

Open Relationships vs Infidelity
By Frank Kermit
 
*This is an excerpt of my Ebook: FRANKTALKS VOLUME 3: MONOGAMY AND NON-MONOGAMY EDITION EBOOK

Poly Can't Cure A Cheater Addicted To Cheating
Some people believe that one of the surest ways to guarantee fidelity is to only do open relationships. The premise is that people only cheat in monogamous relationships.


Some advocates of open relationships may even claim that the monogamous relationship structure forces couples that would otherwise be happier in open relationships to lie and be unfaithful.

 
This is also based on the premise that having sex with someone that is not your primary partner is not considered cheating if your primary partner knows about it, and consents to it. I personally concur that consent of extra-marital sex negates the concept of cheating.


However, just being in open relationships does not automatically eliminate the cheating ways of a person that cheats for reasons other than dissatisfaction with monogamy.

People that cheat regardless of already having the opportunity to have sex with others outside their primary pair bonding relationship generally do so as a means of escapism.

So whether you practice:

• monogamy,
• some form of non-monogamous relationship structure,
  
• polyamory,
• or even in a committed fetish alternative relationship,
  

people who cheat because they are addicted to the perceived thrill of cheating do so for their own reasons, and not because of the relationship structure they are in;

and changing relationship structures with this kind of addict will not help.

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The Silver Lining of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)
by Josee St-Onge


There were many things in my life that were not planned nor desired. Developing PTSD certainly was not one of them. Nor was the assault that lead to it. 


For me, it was like waking up in a foreign country. 
An outsider, within my own life. 


Even the simplest of tasks required a revision of each step in order to be able to accomplish it. At times, I did not feel much. At other times, I felt too much.  Caught between two elusive worlds, I clung to anything that would help me to stay present.


The laughter of my children was the first thing to seep in. 

Sleep was my enemy. But being awake was not my ally.

Every cell in my body felt like it was irritated and angry. Utilizing every ounce of my energy. There were no reserves to access.  No clear healing path to follow.  

And then a thought occurred to me.

I had survived the worst. It was time to just be. 

Be who I need to be at the moment in order to move forward. Letting go is far less painful but rather a scary thing to do.  Allowing myself to feel, transformed me into something unexpected. Showing me that there is no shame in taking a step back in order to reconnect with our innate self.

Over time, we seem to lose this connection and define ourselves through our career, family status, age or religion.  But these are not who we are as spiritual beings. But merely the costumes we wear as we progress through the various stages of life. 

I assure you that as a nurse, care giver and mother of three. I had lost that connection long ago. Sacrificing, giving, guiding, teaching and loving. All wonderful, in their own ways. But all draining of fuel that if not re-filled, may lead us to feel empty and resentful.

The world will take as much as you are willing to give. Giving is needed. However, giving without accepting is maladaptive, counterproductive and draining.  I found myself, completely depleted. I needed to be refueled. 

​Through old-fashioned hand crafted soap making, each of my senses began to awaken one at a time.

Creativity started to bubble up from deep within my soul. 

I let it.

Slowly, inspiration took over. 

It was like welcoming home an old friend. One that had been lost, yet returned like not a day had gone by without. Creativity was the friend that showed up and carried me when I could no longer carry myself.  

On the days when I am feeling overwhelmed, I take out my supplies.  First choosing my scents, then my oils. My tolerance for being in the here and now, grew from there.  

It seems odd to say that soap saved me. 

But it truly has.  

Along with the help of a qualified therapists and the support of family and friends! It would have been way too easy to numb my pain with drugs or alcohol.

I can understand why one would want to.

Trusting that we somehow have the internal resources to deal with the unimaginable is perhaps the most difficult part of the healing process.  

Creativity Is Your Friend

Creativity is an old friend. This old friend and I, have a long healing journey ahead.

But once past it, I will surely keep it around.

I could never undo the amount of internal growth that it has helped me to achieve.  

I do not see myself as broken. But rather, broken open.

It is this unfortunate event that jolted me out of my robotic way of living.
I was so focused on what needed to be accomplished in my day, that I was no longer just being.  

On those challenging days, finding even the smallest of joys may help ground us.

It can be as simple as enjoying our favorite tea.

Or applying a scented hand cream.  

A few minutes of taking in the life around us can make the world of difference.

I am excited about today.

I am excited about the future.

But most of all, I am excited about the deepened person I have become. 

There is not one thing or a person that can define us.

We are the only ones with the power to do so.  

​We must remember to just be!

Soon, I will be revealing the final product of my inspirations.  Feel free to reach out and share what is keeping you grounded. Let’s continue to inspire and uplift one another!
 
-Josee St-Onge

https://www.facebook.com/beeefriendly

Working from home means that I don’t usually worry too much about grooming each day.
I work in my pj's and sometimes go a day or two without a shower. For this reason I always keep my hair short (usually a like a crew cut). Then my wife signed me up for BzzAgent.

In anticipation of being a BzzAgent, I skipped my barber appointments to get the full experience. That’s when I received Head & Shoulders 3 Action Formula shampoo in Classic Clean as well as a bottle of conditioner. So I have been letting my hair grow and using both regularly.

My wife's has been having fun running her fingers through my hair. She has not done that in years. (……)

Since then two people have remarked about my hair.

One has been my doctor.  I took my kid in for a check-up and my doctor who has only seen me with short hair, commented on the fact that not only did I have longer hair, but he also commented about how it made me look younger and how full and healthy it looked.
It was a nice change, as my doctor has only ever commented about my need to lose weight.

      “You still need to lose weight, but your hair is amazing!”

I told him about BzzAgent and that I was using Head & Shoulders 3 Action Formula shampoo and conditioner.

Although I work from home, I do have some projects that take me out of the house, and in those cases, I work closely with a colleague. I see her about once a month. She also remarked that I should keep my hair longer as it looked so full and wavy and how it made me look more attractive.
“It’s looks great! I don’t understand why you keep your hair short when it grows out like this?” I explained to her that in the past, I would let my hair grow out and it would not be this robust and that I was a BzzAgent and told her I was using Head & Shoulders 3 Action Formula shampoo and conditioner in Classic Clean.
 
Working for myself from home these last few years, it is easy to become comfortable with not having to make appearances,and receive positive comments about my style including my hair. Maybe, a little too comfortable? But I have to admit, the attention and positive comments were a really nice feeling to have, and although I do plan to go crew cut again at some point, I might have to make less trips to the barber this year.

This review is #notsponsored and no payment has been received.

BzzAgents are given the chance to review products and give their honest opinion.

 
#GotItFree  #BzzAgent  #HealthyHairSecrets

At which point, many would-be lovers flee before the next dating encounter.
 

For those that reject dating adult aged virgins, reasons may include: 

• not wanting to deal with the pressure of being someone’s first,
• not wanting the virgin to regret losing their virginity (facing resentment), and ​
• not having to wait for the virgin to feel ready for sex.  

​
Potential partners who have previously been sexually active tend not to revel in the notion of waiting what could be weeks, or even months, for the virgin they are dating to feel ready and comfortable for first time sex. 
 
It makes no difference if the potential partner is simply seeking a casual dating partner and sex for fun, or those looking for a more serious commitment.  Neither of them wants to wait longer than they are used too in order to explore sexual compatibility and enjoyment. 


In fact, even some match making companies will refuse to take on virgins as clients because of how difficult they may be to find a match for.
 

As far as my personal practice goes, the only people that hope to meet a virgin to marry one day are those from very strict religious and cultural backgrounds who seek the same.

With all this said, THERE IS REALLY NOTHING WRONG with being a virgin at any age. What matters is that the virgin is comfortable with being a virgin.  
 
It is only an issue is the virgin is not happy being a virgin, but refuses to challenge him or her self to do something about it. 

P.S.  Do you Agree With This Article?  Disagree?  Have something to Add?

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​

​
10 Reasons why you need to appreciate the vibrator!

1. Vibrators can be used to spice it up and keep the monotony out of your sex life.
2. They speed up climax times
3. Professional Tool for Professional Results! Did you know vibrators were actually invented because a doctor was too tired from getting women to orgasm from manual stimulation?
4. Vibrators were actually invented to cure a condition called hysteria.
5. Can be use on both men and women
6. The more orgasms she has the more her body wants them, so use that to your advantage!
7. Vibrators can create more intense orgasms and offer the option for blended orgasms
8. Vibrators add a third without a third person being there
9. Women should be having at least 200 orgasms a year to help with heart health and many other health reasons, so vibrators allow her to have 200 orgasms much more easily.
10. Vibrators are a good alternative when her man isn’t available.

Men provide much more to a woman than a vibrator can!  

Women seek from men: companionship, love, touch, protection and more.


All things a vibrator can’t provide and that is why vibrators are not competition for men.  So embrace the vibrator, understand that it is your ally. Have fun and be safe.
​
If you need more help in area of dating and relationship, schedule a free 30 minute discovery call at www.KarlyStein.com !

​
***********

Karly Stein of www.KarlyStein.com  is your Wing Woman when it comes to dating and relationships. She is the host of Dating, Mating and Relating with Karly Stein on www.tapthemicradio.com. Author of 101 Ideas to Create Fun and Memorable Dates and the upcoming book Anatomy of a Bad Boy, How to be the Nice Guy and Still Get the Girl.

In 2012, Karly started her path into this industry by signing up to Sell Intimate Products and she quickly discovered that she loved learning everything she could about dating, relationships, intimacy and sex and then discovered a passion for teaching about it.

In 2014, She took a Passion and Intimacy Coaching Certification course and that quickly changed her path into coaching.

Karly is passionate about men stay out of the friend zone in relationships and helping women fully embrace their feminine side.

Karly Studied Communications and studio art at the University of Denver.
She currently lives in Denver, CO.
​

Secret Past! Does He Need To Know About Her Sex Tapes?
Q&A: Question and Answers

Dear Frank,

For almost 4 years I was involved with a man and we participated in BDSM.  He was my master, and I his submissive.  We had a very documented love life (he loved to record everything) especially when we played with others; more like when he let a number of others play with me.  Anyways, that was a long time ago.  I now live with my fiancé and he knows nothing about my past.  He knows that I had one major relationship but does not know anything about the group sex, the BDSM or the videos.  I ended up with most of those videos and photos I think, but not all (my Master still has a few).  Also, I was blindfolded most of the time during group play, and although my master assures me that no one was was recording anything, there were times when it happened. I live with the secret fear that my fiancé might find my box of tapes and pictures and stuff. He is way conservative and would not understand.  Can you suggest any place that I might store this so that he will come across it at home?
-Submissive Sindy

 
Dear Sindy

I knew a woman once that was in a similar situation.  She was a swinger with her ex, and had exactly the same situation with videos and pictures, afraid that her husband would find them.  She ended up giving her collection to a male friend of hers to hold on to so that she could get it back anytime she wanted, but it was not where her husband could get to it.  Ironically, life being what it is, her and and the male friend have lost touch, and now she doesn't even have access to her videos and photos. 

You have a very simple, but difficult, choice to make.

If you are certain he would not marry you if he knew your past, end the engagement immediately. If he wouldn't marry you if he knew your past, do not marry him. A Broken Engagement is Better Than A Happy Divorce!

​Also as you mentioned in your question, you were blindfolded most of the time, and thus there are chances that there are videos and photos of you out there in the hands of people you do not even know.  In fact, they might already be on the Internet as you have no control over what your ex (or others from the group activities) will do.

Bottom line is that, you cannot build a life with your new fiancé with this threat constantly hanging over you. 

 
In the meanwhile, there are storage companies available (with the note that unless they are packaged and sealed, even the people storing them could view them.   Make sure the photos and videos are labeled inconspicuously.  There is always the option of destroying the material (burning would be best as you can not guarantee where just tossing them in the trash will land them).

I would not suggest giving them to any of your friends.  Friendships come and go, and you might lose touch with them and not be able to retrieve your momenteos (just like the lady from swinger culture I mentioned earlier).

In this case, honesty really is your best policy if you want to build a solid foundation for a marriage. If this marriage could not handle honesty, it is not the marriage for you.  Also, if you desire to ever explore this fetish and lifestyle  again in the future, putting yourself in a marriage that could not allow it, would be a mistake.

-Frank Kermit


It is time to Take The Luck Out Of Love and sign up for Coaching.
 

P.S.  Do you Agree With This Article?  Disagree?  Have something to Add?

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​

Compatible Financial Values in Relationships
By Frank Kermit
 
There are different ways that a person can show they love their families.

Not everyone feels comfortable verbally expressing feelings. 

It is important for families to be aware that expressing love has many forms. Some people use words, some offer gifts, some show their love by staying up late at night perched at the window waiting for you to come home. One of the ways that people may express their love for one another is how they manage their finances towards their future relationship goals.


When I coach couples about to get married or who have the intent of become life partners, one of the areas I cover with them is the exploration of their compatible values, including their financial vales.


It is important that couples who are planning to build a future together, which may include planning to have children together (or coming to terms with how they will jointly raise any existing children from previous relationships) also talk about financial planning for their futures as well.


Planning to have children together? I get the couple to talk about a possible education fund, or the possibility of a trust fund. Some couples feel that it is a good idea, while others might feel that it is best to let their children earn and pay for their own education after high school.


Not everyone has the same financial value system, and it is important to know if the person you want to build a future with has similar financial values than you do.


Some people make home ownership a goal and thus make saving for a down payment very important, while others prefer to rent as a means of supporting the interests of their lifestyle.


Again, the issue is not about which set of values are appropriate or inappropriate, but whether you and your future life partner have similar and compatible financial values. 


A fun game I have couples play together is the 5 Million-Dollar Question.  I discuss this conversational game and more in my Ebook: 101 GREAT FIRST DATES - WHAT TO SAY EBOOK

I ask each individual in a couple to write down what they would do with their first million, their second million, their third million, their fourth million and their fifth million. The money could be from an earned income, a lottery win, an inheritance…that part does not matter.

What is key is that each person must write what he or she would do with the money as it came in, IN THE ORDER they would allocate the money.

The point of this game is to find out if the couples are financially compatible with their financial values.


A person who’s first plan for the incoming first million is to quit their job and go on an unplanned trip around the world (buying clothes and other necessities as needed) has a very different value system than the person who would first immediately pay off all debts. Again, this is not to judge the financial values of every person. It is about exploring if the person you plan to build a future with has similar and compatible financial values.


One thing is for certain.

The effects of incompatible financial values on the future of a relationship is no game at all.


It is time to Take The Luck Out Of Love and sign up for Coaching.
 

P.S.  Do you Agree With This Article?  Disagree?  Have something to Add?

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Remembering Arthur Anderson 1922-2016

During the weekend of St-Patrick's Day, my mind wanders off to all things green and Irish.

Growing up, Saturday morning cartoons were only bested by Saturday morning cartoon characters from cereal commercials. 

That is where the Character "Lucky The Leprechaun" mascot of the Lucky Charms Cereal would present his adventures of trying to run and hide from kids (the Lucky Charms Gang) who were after his cereal.

Lucky Charms is a brand of cereal produced by the General Mills food company since 1964. The cereal consists of toasted oat pieces and multicolour marshmallow shapes ("marbits" or marshmallow bits). Lucky Charms was created in 1962 by John Holahan
​

The marshmallows are meant to represent Lucky's magical charms, each with their own special meaning or "power." The following are explanations of the permanent marshmallows:[12]

1. Hearts - power to bring things to life
2. Shooting Stars - power to fly
3. Horseshoes - power to speed things up
4. Clovers - luck, but you will never know what kind of luck you'll get
5. Blue Moons - power of invisibility
6. Rainbows - instantaneous travel from place to place
7. Balloons - power to make things float
8. Hourglass - power to control time

Arthur Anderson, starting working in 1963 as the voice of the General Mills Lucky Charms mascot Lucky the Leprechaun, continuing the character for 29 years even though he is not Irish. In 2005, he recalled:
​
People have expectations. I just have an Irish-sounding name. I have reason to celebrate. I had the luck of the Irish to get that part. I never got free cereal, but they gave me lots of green money. And it was a fun character to play. Hardly a day goes by when somebody doesn't ask me to sing the Lucky Charms jingle, and I'm proud of that

Born Arthur John Miles Anderson on August 29, 1922 in Staten Island, New York and Died April 9, 2016 (aged 93) in Manhattan, New York City.

As a kid that always felt sorry that Lucky was always on the run (after all, the other kids were ALWAYS trying to STEAL his lucky charms), I want to thank you for leading your voice to such an iconic character trademark that made a mark on my childhood.

THANK YOU ARTHUR ANDERSON and Good bye.
​

Burlesque is a poetic and sensual means of entertainment that typically includes striptease and comedy, generally performed in cabarets, theaters and clubs. As with music, each performance has a style, an emotion and a story of its own!

Burlesque, the title was originally founded in Europe in the early 1600’s: as a form of satire that was expressed in manuscripts. It was later picked up in theatrical works all through the 17th century until the Victorian era and then became widely popular in the 1860s to the 1940s, notably in Hollywood film between the 1930s and 1960s. 
Burlesque entertainment can be interpreted as ridicule, extravagant, sexy and daunting.

Every year, for the past twelve years, we have reinvented ourselves to offer the absolute best in burlesque because deep down inside, we believe that nothing is sexier than feeling at ease with ourselves, surrounded by like-minded people who are comfortable with their sensuality.

And while our stunning performers set the perfect example for that: self-acceptance, freedom and wild abandon, you are all invited to join our movement.

Don’t just watch Burlesque. BE Burlesque!
 

There is More To Dating and Finding Love Than Just “Getting Lucky”
by Frank Kermit 
 
​
As a coach I often hear people who sign up for coaching,

talk about how unlucky they are at love.

However, when that talk starts up, I often ask my coaching clients, if you were too consider that your love life is not a result of bad luck, but bad choices you made over the years, how would that change things for you?
 

The results are really powerful.

 
You go from feeling helpless and acted upon,
to feeling empowered and in control of your situation.
 

One of the writing exercises that I have in my coaching workbooks I’m a Man, That’s my Job Workbook for Men, and I’m a Woman, It’s My Time Workbook for Women is a Timeline exercise called, “The First Mistake”.
 

The Point of this timeline is help you realize where you made your original first mistake that brought you to where you are right now.  You will be surprised to learn that your first mistake with your most recent break up, heart ache or divorce did not even likely happen with the person you were most recently involved with.
 

In fact, your current situation is more likely a result of various repeating behavior patterns that you followed through on, that started way before you met the person that ruined your life. 

 
Let me explain a little.
 
Let’s say you are dealing with a nasty divorce spending lots of money on courts and lawyers. 

• How did you get into this mess? 
• Was your first mistake that you did not commit to fixed what was wrong with your marriage before it was too late?
• Was your first mistake marrying the person you are now divorcing?
• Was your first mistake not dumping the person after the first 3 months of dating when you started to feel that this wasn’t your ideal match after spotting various red flags? 

 
It could be.


But in coaching, we DIG DEEPER.

 
Maybe your first mistake was dating the same kind of person time and time again, because you never learned to choose better partners prior to even meeting your ex-spouse.

In fact, you had gone through really intensely bad break ups before your divorce, and in coaching, we do an analysis to see if your relationships prior to the big one were one bad break up after another getting worse and worse until your current situation could be predictable…and everyone else saw it coming, except you.

 
Maybe your first mistake was that heart break you experience when you were in your teens, and instead of learning your lesson about better choosing more compatible candidates to date, you just accepted that this was the best you could hope to get, and that you wouldn’t be able to do better anyways. 

 
Your current love life is a reflection of a series of choices you made (or did not make) that brought you to this point on the line of time.

 
Finding love, getting a date, and having a successful long term relationship, has a lot less to do with luck and a lot more to do with your intent.

You have a choice.

You can either date hoping to get lucky to meet someone special, or you can STOP, set yourself up for relational success, and take a more frank approach to your love life.  

That is your power of choice. 

The power of choice ALWAYS comes with a condition:  You have to learn what to do with it, or you will end up more miserable trying to rely solely on luck. 

 
It is time to Take The Luck Out Of Love and sign up for Coaching.
 

P.S.  Do you Agree With This Article?  Disagree?  Have something to Add?

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What To Do When You Like Someone
By Frank Kermit 
 
It happened.

Despite your efforts to stay alone and uncomplicated, it happened.

When you were not looking for it, you actually started to like someone.

You actually found someone that you like.


Now what?

 
When you like someone, the big question is always what do you do?

• Do you tell that person directly and see what happens?
• Do you try to get your friends involved in the match making process?
• Do you approach the target of your heart’s desire in a non-direct way, just to gauge that person’s interest?
• What if you do not know what signs to look for?
• What if, that person actually likes you back, but you are not socially aware enough to know?

 
Calibration is called for when you like someone and want to see about taking your interest a step further to see if the two of you can connect.

As I discuss in my THE ART OF CALIBRATION PROGRAM: FROM CREEPY TO CHARISMA EBOOK, There are a number of factors to consider such as:

• Do you work together (which may put you in a legal predicament if he or she does not return your feelings), or
• Do you see each other at the same social circles (which may make it awkward if either of you are not mature enough to handle it which I discuss in depth how to handle in my HOW TO BUILD A SOCIAL CIRCLE NETWORK EBOOK), or
• Perhaps there is a friend connection that makes this a little more complicated (that person is the ex of one of your friends which I also discuss in depth how to handle in my HOW TO BUILD A SOCIAL CIRCLE NETWORK EBOOK).

 

There are TWO QUESTIONS to ask:

     1.  First question to ask is if there are any consequences of dating, or just asking out, this person

     2. The second question to ask is if you are willing to accept those potential consequences.


If you  can get a yes to that second question, then here are some tips.



When To Go DIRECT and When to be INDIRECT

 
Telling someone directly and right away works if the person you like already likes you back or is open-minded enough to give you a chance. If you do not know if that person likes you, you may want to take a more subtle approach.

The rule to follow is the longer you have known each other, the more indirect you should be.

If you just met the person, telling that person you like him or her enough to want to get to know them better is non-threatening and can actually be a welcome invitation. There is no friendship to risk.

​In those cases, it is just best to isolate that friend to a one-on-one activity and see about making a romantic move. Better to try to hold a hand, or lean in for a good night kiss to sexualize the context of the dynamic. If you get rejected, well at least you know and you tried.


Should You Ask Other Friends To Help You?

​Involving your friends from your social circles  has its pros and cons.

Usually, it is a bad idea, unless you have a solid friendship with someone that is socially clued in.

In the case of having a good friend that is a mutual friend of the target of your heart’s affection, you can enlist that person’s help by asking them to help you set a time for you all to meet and that friend can politely excuse him or her self from the activity.

A friend may also be able to give you information about whether or not that person is emotionally available. Again, make sure you are dealing with a solid friend and not someone that will inform you incorrectly. A friend that can actually work like a matchmaker may be in your best interest if that friend knows where the two of you are compatible.
 
With all that said, being very direct does have advantages.

You need not involve anyone else into your private love life and good or bad, you get an answer much quicker about where you stand.

Either way, the best thing you can do when you find you like someone is: 

​to take some kind of action listed above.

People tend to regret the things that they did not do, more so than the things that they did do.
 
Frank Kermit

​
P.S.  Do you Agree With This Article?  Disagree?  Have something to Add?

Write your thoughts in the comments below and share this article to see how many of your friends think like you.

People Pleasers Are Problem Daters
By Frank Kermit

 
At the heart of every great people pleaser is the best of intentions of wanting to be liked by the other person.


And that is why people pleasers, as nice as they are, are never fully trusted by the target of their affections.

 
When someone wants to please a person, that is OK, provided that the person feels the attention is earned.

The problem is that a people pleaser is too nice by nature.

People pleasers see themselves as being appropriate, while their dates feel a vibe of insincerity. In the minds of potential partners, no one is that nice, unless there have ulterior motives. In fact, that is the paradox of the people pleaser. They do not want the other person's money, resources, or even material possessions. All they want is to be liked
 
Because people pleasers want to be liked so badly, they allow themselves to be disrespected.

One of the principles I teach in my coaching workbooks for men and women, "I'm A Man, That's My Job" and "I'm a Woman, It's My Time" respectively is that to make any relationship work is that it MUST be more important to the person to want to be respected by your potential partner, instead of being liked.

If all you know how to do is to be liked, you will get ATTENTION, but you will struggle to find any long lasting and legitimate intimacy. No one loves a person that does not have his or her respect as well. People will like a people pleaser, but people will never fully respect nor trust a people pleaser. Without respect and trust, there can be no love. There can be like, even lust in some cases, but never a love that leads to commitment.
 
At the heart of a people pleaser, is fear:

1. The fear of confrontation,
2. the fear of being abandoned, and
3. the fear of being mean or insulting resulting in a LOSS    

That is why people pleasers lack boundaries.

Without proper boundaries, a people pleaser does not have to deal with any of that unpleasantness nor do they have to act in ways in which they might self identify with their own abusers who were mean or insulting to the pleaser.

Unfortunately, that repeating behavior pattern can only lead to attracting and being attracted to people that would continually take advantage of the people pleaser. 


A Possible Source of People Pleasing

The skill of people pleasing can, but not always, be sourced to emotionally abusive upbringings. Depending on the severity of the mental and emotional abuse, the people pleaser skill set is likely what allowed a number of children to survive unhealthy family environment where unpredictable adult temperament behaviors ran rampant.

A child learns to be a people pleaser in order to appease and maintain the peace with emotionally unhealthy adults. When that child grows up, they take those behavior patterns; they now associate to attachment, and get stuck in emotionally unhealthy relationships.

When a people pleaser is actually with someone that appreciate them without the unreasonable expectation of having to be pleased every step of the way, a people pleaser will often not be able to recognize that as an emotionally healthy dynamic and will often find themselves feeling empty.
 


The Pros of Being a People Pleaser

There are good qualities to being a people pleaser. Being a people pleaser is a great quality in the correct context. On the job, the characteristics of a great people pleaser make for excellent customer care service. Some of the most independent self-employed workers are amazing people pleasers. So are people who excel at being support staff.



People Pleasers And Love Life
 
But in romantic relationships, being a people pleaser will only net you the kinds of partners who are too insecure to manage a partner who understands how to prioritize the needs of the relationship, the needs of the partner and the needs of the people pleaser.

There is a difference between:

1. being a giving person and
2. being a people pleaser.

A giving person gives what they can without giving up so much, that they themselves end up sacrificing their own needs. For example, a student has an exam to study for the next day, and gets a call from her boyfriend to come over because he is feeling a little lonely. The giving person weighs the options of her own need to study, and her desire to keep her boyfriend happy. In the event that the boyfriends' request is not dire (they can see each other after her exam) and her own need for study is very important, a giving person would put her own needs in priority. It does not take away from her being a giving person; it just means she can acknowledge what is more important at the moment.

A people pleaser however, would want the approval of her boyfriend so badly, that she would jeopardize her exam, just because she wants to keep her boyfriend from being slightly upset. See the difference?
 
Why does it not work in relationships? Let's say you are on a date, and your date asks you a common date question, such as:

• why did you chose your current profession?
• what is your favorite meal?
• are you looking to try and have sex with me tonight?

 
A people pleaser will ONLY give the answers that they think the other person WANTS to hear but not the answer they would actually want to give.

This leads to unrealistic expectations on both parts. The people pleaser expects that EVERYONE behaves like a people pleaser, and thus does not factor in how misleading they are actually being on a first date. The potential partner, who is unaware of the people pleasing behavior pattern, takes what is being communicated at face value...only to discover at a later time, the person they are dating is not what they thought.
 

It does not stop there.

People pleaser will please others to the point of feeling anger and resentment for doing things they initially agreed to do, because they feel they cannot say no.

Eventually, the pleasers...EXPLODE!

Partners get the brunt of the explosion, and end up feeling resentful too, because they are not mind readers. And rightly so, however part of being a surviving people pleaser is the anticipation of the dysfunctional emotional cues of the adults they grew up with. The biggest mistake that people pleasers make is the assumption that everyone had to survive childhood acting a like a people pleaser.


Don't Be a Sheep!
 
To simplify why people pleasers do not generate trust in relationships, here is a symbolic analogy: people pleasers are just like sheep. You can trust a Shepherd to be a good Shepherd as long as there is a value for value relationship going on (respect). You can trust a wolf to be a wolf, because you can acknowledge the good and bad in a wolf, and the wolf never tries to be anything other than a wolf (trust). But you can never trust a sheep.

So the next time you are on a date, and you end up in a situation where you need to communicate and or enforce a boundary, and you have a choice to make:


Speak your mind and do not be a sheep

This is a guest post.

Part I

I am 43 years old, married to a great man, have a really good job at a medical company and I have three beautiful daughters aged 8, 11 and 15.  I grew up in the suburbs, was a good girl and went to a top school and graduated with a great education.  So why would I be a pole dancer?  I mean isn’t that like a stripper?  The answer is simple but still complex; yes it is and no it’s not. 
 
Let me start at the beginning.  I decided to go to a class because I really like dancing and I was a stay at home mom who felt like the walls were closing in on me.  I couldn’t really find a dance class that seemed right for me and I signed up for a six week session thinking it was a very limited commitment.  I was very nervous and told no one what I was doing.  It was a small class and we worked on building strength in our arms, so let me tell you we women do not work on this!  Holding myself up for 5 seconds was an impossible task and I could never imagine doing a whole song.  After that we would work on a trick or a move and I loved it.  It was gymnastics for adults with dance moves to tie it all together.  It was so much fun.  We women would go, laugh at ourselves because the attempts to get these moves can be pretty hilarious and we would get some exercise.  Let me say a word about the exercise part.  I never, ever felt like I was working out.  I was going to class just to have fun but suddenly my body transformed.  I built beautiful shoulders, muscled back and arms and eventually even started getting some pretty decent abs.  That’s how it started, my little class where I laughed and got fit and danced.  I loved it, but it’s pole dancing….
 
Telling people you are a pole dancer is very interesting.   There’s a very definite reaction.  It’s not like telling someone you teach yoga.   They try to be cool and supportive and you get a lot of people saying ‘cool … umm that looks hard’.  This is usually where I respond ‘it is!’ and start telling people how hard it is and the core strength one needs and how hard we all train.   I want to say for the record pole fitness/dancing is as much a sport and fitness endeavor as anything out there.  We all cross train and work extremely hard to master the moves and tricks.  At the end of the day, this is gymnastics.  We suffer broken bones, concussions and bruises, Oh the bruises!  The horrified looks you get when people see the bruises when you’re training for a competition are amazing.  The next time you see a woman wearing long sleeves and pants in the middle of summer she may just be a pole dancer.  Pole dancers work on muscle building, coordination, flexibility and balance.  A lot goes into these routines.  There’s performance, musicality, costume and creative concept as well as defying gravity with strength and skill.  We also have to make it look easy.  No judge wants to see you gasping for breath at the end of your routine.  So why would you not think this is a sport?  The Canadian Pole Fitness Association (CPFA) holds regular competitions that have required elements for every level.  There are strict guidelines about costume and what can and can’t be done.  The women and men that compete are athletes plain and simple.  Several pole organizations are making great strides in getting the IOC to recognize pole as an Olympic sport.

There’s always one thing that hangs over our heads though…it’s a pole.  Strippers use them.  The routines can be sexy and typically there are barely any clothes worn.  Let me set the record straight pole requires skin contact on the pole to hold yourself, otherwise you slip.  If you plan to take your hands off the pole then the clothes will become smaller.  There’s no difference than wearing a bathing suit or a gymnastic leotard.   Sexy is a much harder thing to address.  In the beginning I would always say that dancing and expressing yourself in that way leads to body movement than can beautiful and sexy.  Almost all dances have that element built into it, and pole dance is no different.  Does a person dancing the tango or the rumba carry the stigma of a pole dancer?  I still believe this wholeheartedly but I hate that when I say that I sound like I am trying to distance myself from women who dance in an erotic manner and even those who take off their clothes.   You can certainly be a pole dancer and really not at all relate to that world, but for all of us who so strip or are simply dipping our toe in it, then ‘HELL yes! Go for it girl!’ There’s nothing wrong with that but just because you pole dance it does not automatically mean you’re a stripper.  But for me the question is ‘what so wrong with stripping anyway?’

Making Monogamy Work: Monogamy Must Be Earned
By Frank Kermit

*This is an excerpt of my Ebook: FRANKTALKS VOLUME 3: MONOGAMY AND NON-MONOGAMY EDITION EBOOK
 

Monogamy can be easier than open relationships, because the rules are simpler but the application of the rules of monogamy is not as easy.
 
Monogamy works for monogamous people however:

the power of choice and the self entitlement of our current societal structure is making it more challenging for the chances that monogamous people have, of making their relationship structure work for them.
 

The Rules of Monogamy:
 
1-The first rule of monogamy is that you only have sex with one other person. The first rule of monogamy is very much what most people understand monogamy to mean. It is simple to understand. Most people assume it stops there, but it does not. The second rule, is even more important, and challenging, than the first rule.
 
2-The second rule of monogamy is that you never do anything that would even just potentially threaten rule #1.
 
And in those two rules chaos ensues for the wannabe monogamous couple that is not sure what a real threat to their monogamy is.
 

The chaos comes from not being sure what a potential threat is.

Now an obvious threat: someone is sexually interested in being with the person that you are monogamous with, or someone is sexually interested in being with you when you are in a monogamous relationship. That is a threat. What about a potential threat? Potential threat means you do not put yourself in a situation where the likelihood of temptation already exists.
 
The bottom line, when you are in a monogamous relationship, any time that you are out for social reasons and extra-curricular reasons with people that you are attracted to, who have already expressed a sexual interest in you, it is a potential threat to your relationship. At the very least, it is a potential threat to your monogamy.

 
As monogamists, you must figure out how you define a potential threat. Threats to the monogamy will not always be so obvious.

Some couples may feel that using sex toys  as “marital aids” help aid a challenge in the marriage  while other couples may view using sex toys  as a threat to their relationship. It is up to the couple to work things out, communicate and deal with their individual insecurities. BTW, you can learn more about using Sex Toys with a new lover in my Ebook  NOW WHAT? UNIQUE WAYS TO CATER TO HER SEXUAL E.N.A. EBOOK


There are going to be times when your partner is going to come up to you and say, "Listen, I do not want you hanging out with so-and-so anymore." Their reason is, "That person threatens our monogamy." They might not word it that way, but that is essentially what they are getting to. If you believe in the principle of monogamy, you have to listen to your partner's concern, and hopefully you can come to some sort of consensus as to what the best action is to take.  
 
I cannot tell you to completely eliminate all potential threats, because at that point, neither of you will be socializing with anybody. If you are not interacting with anyone, then that cannot be emotionally healthy either.




As I teach it, you do not kill what you are trying to protect. Just as you must have realistic expectations of the relationships structure you get into, you must you have realistic perspectives on the potential threats to your monogamy.
 

When it comes to potential threats to your monogamy, you must never be afraid to express to your partner that you see a potential threat to the monogamy of your relationship. Never be afraid to say, "That person that you are hanging out with wants to have sex with you."
 

As monogamists, you must be ever so aware of the potential threats to your monogamy. Yes, you are going to be accused of being jealous, and yes, you are going to accused of being insecure, and yes, you might even be accused of not trusting your partner.
​

So what?


I personally feel that I would rather be accused of all those things and do what is necessary to project the monogamy of my relationship, when our intent is to be monogamous. I personally feel that a monogamist person has every right to do what it takes to protect the monogamy of their relationships. To what degree you see a potential threat is up to you. Keep in mind that no one is going to care about the importance of your monogamy in your relationship as much as you and (hopefully) your partner do.
 
Monogamy is a work in progress, it is not a given, and can not be taken for granted One of my principles of monogamy is that Monogamy Must Be Earned. Part of the reason that monogamy must be earned is that you want to make sure you know what you want, and that you are sure that the person you are choosing is capable of giving it to you.

 
A very big point here is that monogamy is a lifestyle.


As I teach it in my 4 hours audio program lecture,  MAKING MONOGAMY WORK - WHEN ONE IS ALL YOU NEED AUDIO   you do not make the mistake of thinking that monogamy is just a relationship structure; think of it as a lifestyle because it permeates a lot of the decisions that you are going to make. Being monogamous means that you might even make a change in the type of profession that you choose.
 
For example, one of the reasons that some people become unfaithful, even thought they entered a monogamous relationship with the best of intentions, but down the road they become unfaithful, is because one of the people in the monogamous relationships, or both of them, are in professions where they are working anywhere form 12 to 14 hours a day apart from each other. They just do not have the time to spend together. Over the course of year-after-year, feeling alone, being pursued, maybe feeling angry or resentful for having to work so hard to support your partner which could lead to an unhelpful sense of entitlement to having earned the little extras and then being faced with temptation can lead an originally well intentioned individual to justify getting something from an affair that they feel is no longer there for them at home.

Both men and women are susceptible to going though this. It is not gender specific.
 
If monogamy is very important to you, consider it a lifestyle that you have to support. That might mean choosing a different profession, maybe making less money, or making money is a different way so that your lifestyle does not threaten your monogamy.
 
Frank Kermit 

Learn about The Hierarchy of Dating and Relationships (and how to Transition to Monogamy as a Couple) in the Coaching Workbooks:
I'm A Man, That's My Job       and      I'm A Woman, It's My Time

If you have any questions about managing the monogamy of your relationship  sign up for a couples session.

This is a guest post.

Today we are going to prepare a delicious dip of coriander, in Mexican food we used it a lot, we can find it in many dishes such as sauces, meat, fish, chicken…. and of course, on dips and
… Do you know how do we say dip in Mexico?

This is a very simple recipe all you need is:

1. Unflavored gelatin (3 bags)
2. 250 ml of chicken broth
3. 1 hand fresh of coriander
4. 1 half of  a small onion
5. 1 garlic clove
6. 250 grams of cream cheese (one box)
7. 1 cup of sour cream

 
*Editors note: each individual package of Gelatin weighs  1.8grams (0.06 ounces) or 5.4 grams (0.19 ounces) total for 3 packages

Preparation time: 15 min.
 Ready to eat: 3 - 4 hrs.

THE BEST PART!

We just put all the ingredients in the blender we mix and…. IT’S READY!     
Then you put a little bit of oil on the walls of the mold (you can use the ones for cakes) and then you put everything you mix, keep it on the fridge for 3 -4 hours (just until is hard) when its ready take it out put it on a plate with some crackers and ENJOY.
                                                                                                                                                            
… Do you know how do we say dip in Mexico?... Botana

Dear Frank,

I remember reading in a Steve Harvey book Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man where Steve insists men must be able to: Provide, Protect, and Profess their love in order to be in a healthy and happy relationship.
 
The biggest challenges I have had in my own relationships came when my partner wasn't feeling like he was contributing enough financially or also when I may have been resentful (unintentionally) when he wasn't contributing what seemed fair.
 
So when it comes to romantic relationships, do you think a man can truly be masculine and be happy when he is struggling financially?
 
I would love to hear your feedback! 

-Melissa 


Dear Melissa,

Short answer:

As I explain it in my Coaching Ebook, I'M A MAN THAT'S MY JOB WORKBOOK EBOOK, a man's masculinity is tied to his self identity (including his self worth) and how he projects that (as behavior or energy).


If making money is tied to his own sense of identity, then yes him struggling financially will factor into his masculinity. If he does not factor money into his masculinity, then no amount of financial struggle will affect his masculine identity.


Long answer:

There are men that have lots of wealth and resources that cannot get a date or keep a woman due to a lack of masculinity, and men that have no resources that women chase and give him money to keep him around.


With that said if a man is going through some kind of mental illness (such as depression or anxiety) because of the financial struggles it is THAT which could affect his masculinity. If it is mental illness then it falls into the "bad times" that married couples commit too (in good times and bad, in sickness and in health).


There are a number of examples of men with little to no financial resources that are able to attract and keep women interested (untapped musicians, struggling entrepreneurs, and the male partners of women who work in the sex industry aka street/suitcase pimps).


On the other side of this debate are women who factor in a man's wealth into his worthiness (at an extreme are the "gold diggers" and "sugar babies", women who have hypergamy (need a man at least at their status or better in order to feel turned on) and women that will put a certain lifestyle they want maintained and supported ahead of how they feel about a person, which I cover in my Coaching Ebook for Women,  I'm A Woman, It's My Time.


Each man and woman has emotional needs that will dictate what turns them on and off, and the issue can be a lack of compatibility and not necessarily a lack of caring.


PS. I LOVE Steve Harvey as an entertainer. He is great at what he does. However, it is reported that he had a ghost writer/book doctor named Denene Millner write (co-write?) his books on dating and relationships. It is not uncommon for a publisher to capitalize on someone's celebrity status for a buying target audience. Millner is primarily a sought after and accomplished career journalist, ghost writer and entertainment writer, and has some great content to offer.   However, keep in mind that  just like everything else in life, it is better to always go to a specialist than a generalist. If you need medical advice, contact a doctor. If you need legal advice, contact a lawyer. And when you need dating and relationship advice, contact a full time dating and relationship coaching expert like me. 


-Frank, Because I have to be

If you liked this Q&A with Frank, you will love Frank's Ebook:

Sex Lies and Confusion: Frank Advice For Real Life Ebook

A DRAG KINGS STORY

I'm a 55 year old lesbian and I've seen a lot of our history.
Short version, everybody knows what a Drag Queen is so simply put, a Drag King is the opposite, a woman that dresses like a man for the purposes of putting on a show. But drag kinging is way more multi layered than that.

When I was first coming out in the 80's lesbians were starting to slowly come out of the closet more and more and I remember most of us having short hair and a certain look that made it easy for us to recognize one another.

As we started to fight for our equal rights, something changed. I'd hear lesbians saying that we'd never get anywhere if we didn't try to fit in more and look more "straight".

As the desire for equal rights grew so did the sightings of what was then called "lipstick lesbians"which were women that looked more traditionally "feminine". That brought on a certain disdain for women like me, Butches.

Butches were not good for the cause and it made "other" lesbians look bad, as we tried too hard to prove to the heterosexual community that we were "just like them."

Now that pretty much everyone has evolved in the straight community as well as the gay one, we are now ready for Drag Kings. We are more relaxed and ready to just enjoy the differences and similarities in our sexualities. I am no longer a threat. Personally I've always just felt like I was very much a woman, with some masculine traits.

I think we all have a bit of both. It's a ladder and some are higher up on the ladder than others. Drag Kinging for me is strictly a performance deal but for others it was a stepping stone to transitioning.  Also we are not all gay even though many of us are.

In the beginning i thought my performance would appeal strictly to lesbians but as I embark on my 15th year of performing I've noticed that I've been attracting more and more heterosexuals to my shows.

My persona is an uneducated sexist know-it-all with a huge ego. Both sexes feel like I'm on their side in the battle of the sexes and they're both right.

I get the bad stuff men put women through, but being a lesbian I also understand how women can be in a relationship and what guys go through.

Dating A Drag King

There are many kinds of kings and we are attracted to many types of people.

Like I said, some that I know are straight and some date women or trans gender people.

Personally for me, the more feminine the better. I'm a sucker for the burlesque women and luckily our paths cross often.

I think it's easier to date someone in the artistic milieu since they understand how things work and don't get upset if you spend a lot of time performing and practicing.

For performers no matter the type of performance, it's the air we breath.

Also if you're the jealous type, don't even think about it because there will be pictures of me everywhere with my face in someone's cleavage. You'll have to trust that I am a faithful partner and that it's just all showbiz and image. At the moment i'm single.

Well it's been nice talking to you, if you have any questions, write here in the comments or find me through my website below!

Now you have learned something new!
Go and enjoy a King Show sometime

Below is an interview that both Frank Kermit and Nat King Pole participated in:

The Most Romantic Songs List
by Frank Kermit

Dear Friends, A little while ago, I posted on social media asking people to name their favorite most romantic song and to tell me why if possible. That post received so much attention that I decided to make a blog post about it.  Here are (in no particular order) what people say are some of the most romantic songs they know.

Agree? Disagree?  Let me know in the comments below and post your favorite romantic songs.

 Frank Kermit says the most romantic song is Rainbow Connection as it was his and his wife's wedding song:

 Murray says This song is by Ween, a band not generally noted for their love songs called "Stay Forever",  is a perfect expression of the overwhelming joy of new love.

Carlo likes Ti Amo "Original Italian Version, Umberto Tozzi

 Barbra says More Than Words by Extreme, It may not be the most romantic song but the song itself says everything.

 Luc says L'été Indien by Joe Dassin...t'was my first slow dance at the tender age of 15

 Laura says 1000 Years - Love throughout many lifetimes - It doesn't get more beautiful than that!

 Chrystal says The look of love ❤️ by anyone who sings it well. It reflects what canot be said in words but seen through the eyes.

 Mary likes Have You Ever Loved a Woman, Bryan Adams.

Ivan likes All of Me by John Legend. He says: an ex girlfriend used to send me that song telling me it's how she feels about me. It reminds me of that purest "foolish" infatuation/love that the lost romantic in me still craves.

 Nick says Since I'm bilingual (Spanish and English) Bachata Rose Juan Luis Guerra.  Andy agrees saying: this is one of the most beautiful songs ever. bachata for life

Advice for Musicians, Singer/Songwriters and Composers
By Mike Rien


In my opinion, music is pure emotion. An extension of oneself.

Although, having talent is only part of it. It's an on going process, and you have to contually be open to improving upon your skills. Once you have that down it becomes fun. You want to be able to express yourself without any limitations.


Be adaptable, such as in life.


For example, if you like a certain piece of music whether it is classical, jazz, rock, pop, R&B, electronic, dance, folk and so forth, you have to analyze how it was created and discover how and why it touches you emotionally, in order to re create it, which helps you when you create your own masterpieces.


This takes time, love and devotion to the craft, patience, discipline, follow through and then having the courage to be your own voice by performing and recording it.


After all, you want that sense of freedom and joy, it's like being on vacation. When working with others, it's easier for you to be open to there ideas because they are coming from a different place, different life experiences and have different perspectives.


Although, never lose your identity, follow your heart as to what you feel is right, but be willing to compromise.


If your a singer/songwriter or composer, never forget the others who have done it before you.


Whether you realize it or not, they have had an influence on you.


One last piece of advice, stay in shape. I recently, lost a good portion of pounds and have changed my diet, and I now have the energy to accomplish more with a clear head.

*************************

Michael Rien (Kali & Dub, Skip Bay) - Singer/Songwriter and Multi-Instrumentalist, specialising in Drum Set, Piano and Keyboards. Screen Composer. Arranger and Tracking Engineer. Michael also runs a Production Company called Primal Urge Productions. primalurgeproductions.com

To Learn More about Michael Rien, Visit: michaelrien.com


About Michael Rien's Album:  STILL GOT THE FIRE

Originally, the brainchild of Michael Rien. It might seem like this is a new Project. In fact, it has taken many years for it to develop into what it is today. Not to mention, the help received along the way, collaborating with talented Artists, Musical Technicians, Photographers, and Graphic Designers, such as, Raphael Rosenwald, Mars Trinity, Philip Faith, Mario Francesco Munoz Ferrante AKA Check-Zero, Jeremy Dowsett, Jason Songsmith and Dave Morrissette, to name a few.

The Album, Still Got The Fire is a blend of older and newer material. I'm a Generation X guy who grew up listening to Classic Rock of the 60s and 70s, falling in love with the sound of, The Who at a very young age. When Grunge and Alternative came about in the 90s, that was an eye opener to different more aggressive sounds that I instantly fell in love with. Since playing the drums is one of my specialties it was natural for me to be attracted to the power of that music with the loud electric guitar and cool grooves. In fact, Dave Grohl came out of Nirvana, and in today's popular music I really like the songwriting and sound of the Foo Fighters. I enjoy Metal, Trance and Funk too. I try to bring all of these elements together when I write.

While the song, Silver Car Invasion is a statement of society, and the song, Karma touches upon how wrong choices can lead to negative results. For the most part, I've been told that my music is motivational. I'd say that the Single, Still Got The Fire and the songs, Chasin' Another Dream, Freedom Is Here, Gotta Get It Out and It Feels Right describe the inner drive we have inside that pushes us to strive for our dreams despite the road blocks that lie ahead. We do have the power to transform from what's in our minds and make it reality.

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