If you just found out that your partner is, or might be, cheating on you, read this article to help you decide exactly what to do right now before you make a bad situation worse.
It is never a pleasant situation when you suspect, or have reason to believe, that your partner may be cheating on you. If you are in that situation here is some Frank Kermit advice on how to handle yourself.
First stay calm.
Getting angry or getting violent will make things much worse for you (and your kids if you have any). No matter how much you feel justified, go do whatever you have to do to avoid letting your negative emotions take control.
Get out of the house, go to the gym to work out your frustrations, talk to a friend or your coach (if you already have one). But cool off before you take any action.
At this point, you do not know anything more than your partner has (MAYBE) been unfaithful.
The second thing you need to do is verify
and confirm that the cheating is taking place.
Your best friend telling you he/she
saw something is NOT evidence.
(Read my previous article about Sabotage Between Friends)
If you have no evidence (as would be accepted in a court of law) then focus on getting some. Depending on the nature of the cheating, look at:
-hiring a private investigator, or
-security camera footage.
You must think LONG TERM.
Thirdly, while you are collecting evidence, check all of your bank statements and accounts and see if there is any unusual activity. If the infidelity was a casual occurrence, it can be dealt with differently than if your partner is planning on leaving you and you see large sums of money missing, it could be a sign of upcoming abandonment.
If the infidelity was not a step towards abandonment, then it may be possible to save the relationship (if that is something you want).
Fourth, once you have the evidence and have secured some financial security for yourself (just in case abandonment is still a risk), seek out the advice of an independent account or a lawyer specializing in family law.
NOT to be pressured
into leaving your partner
(unfortunately some professionals
may encourage splitting up).
Fifth, do an analysis of how a break up would affect you realistically.
Depending on your circumstances, you could be in a lot worse situation if you leave without first trying to fix the relationship you are in.
Ask people (or your coach Frank) who's lives got worse after a significant break up, and they will tell you (if they trust you with the truth as they do when they talk to me), that if they knew how their lives would have turned out, they wouldn't have jumped ship so quickly.
-not seeing your kids on certain holidays,
-losing savings and retirement funds to pay legal fees,
-and struggling to find a decent relationship afterwards
are not pleasant.
The Sixth action for you to take is:
Work on an exit plan to make sure that you will not be facing homelessness, and consider putting it into action even if you do not break up with your partner.
Consider staying with your partner if your exit plan may take some months to take effect (for example, if you never finished a certification and have 3 months left to get your license for a new profession that would allow you to support yourself, it may be wise to get it done before you exit the relationship).
Seventh, finally, if it is true that your partner is cheating, but after confronting your partner, it does turn out that your partner does want to work on your relationship,
then no matter how hurt or angry you are,
make the effort to work on your relationship if the good in the relationship outweighs the bad
Especially if the infidelity is the only major blemish you have to contend with.
Nothing happens in a vacuum.
This is very important, because people that do not stop and access the repeating behavior patterns that they exhibit (conscious or unconscious) that put them in this position to begin with, are destined to repeat said behavior patterns, and likely end up exactly where they are again, with the next significant partner and the next big break up.
This is a great time to seek out the help of a professional counselor, licensed couples therapist, or relationship coach, or other authority figures you trust (a religious leader) to get additional perspectives.
You may have played a part in the infidelity of your partner; then again perhaps it had nothing to do with you.
A third party perspective can help you determine that.
How you react
will very much influence
if the two of you can survive
as a couple or not.
This is not a time to shame your partner to friends and family, but instead, spend time with your partner and see what it was that brought you together in the first place, where things went wrong, and what would have to happen going forward to bring things back to a place where the two of you can move on.
This may require both of you to make sacrifices (not hanging out with friends, not working late at the office, etc...) to make sure the two of you have TIME to work on this. If you do not, things could get worse.
It could be that the two of you have to re-define some boundaries, and perhaps even modify your relationship structure (even consider something that is consensual non-monogamy if you have not already).
Perhaps it is time for a discussion about unreasonable or unrealistic expectations that each of you had to begin with.
A key point is to never make a rash decision.
Remember that the concept of "in good times and in bad" was set to remind couples that bad times are part of life.
You have a choice.
You can put in efforts to make it better, or you can put in efforts (or lack thereof) to make it worse.
Either way, you will live with the consequences of your choices.
#cheat #cheaters #affairs #infidelity #unfaithful #cheated #cheatedon #cheater #affair #mistress #sideman #sideguy #liaison #hookup #marriage #divorce #
Remembering Roy Halladay
by Roger Senpai
Harry Leroy Halladay III, better known as Roy Halladay, died at the age of 40 on November 7, 2017. He was involved in a tragic plane accident he piloted in the Gulf of Mexico. He was born in Denver, Colorado on May 14, 1977, son of Roy II and Linda.
His love for baseball was profound at an early age. As a child, he would practice his pitching with Roy II in the basement during the harsh winter season in Arvada, the suburb of Denver he grew up in. His hard work, competitive spirit and ambition at a young age led him into Major League Baseball, where he was drafted by the Toronto Blue Jays in 1995. After spending three years training in the Blue Jays’ minor league, he became a starting pitcher for the team in 1998. He was a crucial player for the Blue Jays in the 2000s. In 2010 he was traded to the Philadelphia Phillies, spending four years with the team until his retirement in 2013. He achieved several accomplishments and milestones during his 16-year career, including 8 All-Star appearances, the Cy Young Award in 2003 and 2010, and his memorable “perfect game” on May 29, 2010 against the Florida Marlins.
Outside of the mound, he was known for being humble and respectful, never letting his success affect the way he treated others. In his final season in 2013, he signed a one-day contract with the Blue Jays so he could gracefully retire with the team he started his career with.
He is survived by his two sons, Braden and Ryan, and his wife, Brandy (Gates).
#allstar #baseball #mlb #homerun #baseballseason #baseballlife #baseballislife #baseballgame #dodgers #pitcher #takemeouttotheballgame #BallPark #sports #baseballbat #catch #baseballswag #firstbase #toronto #bat #thirdbase #inning #bases #secondbase #canada #bluejays #mitt #cubs #swing #basesloaded #perfectgame #cyyoungaward #denver #arvada #phillies #colorado
Remembering Liliana (Lily) Baranello
Before I was ever Frank Kermit, I was just Frank, a college student and young adult trying to figure things out.
It was while I was in college that I met Lily.
Such a sweet young lady, with a friendly smile.
It was a time when I was still trying to find myself and wasn't always the most calibrated person.
Lily never held that against me.
I will always remember her as the pretty young lady that was very friendly to me, in a time when a number of other people were not. She always complimented me on my eyes, and made me feel really special sometimes. She could make me smile on days that I didn't feel that I much to smile for.
Lily and I lost touch after college. After my surgery in 2015 and difficult recovery, I had always intended to look her up to see how she was doing, however, life got in the way and it never happened. I really wish now that I had.
To her family and friends, I wish all who knew her peace and healing.
Good-bye Lily, and Thank You.
Below is the cover of a book
that Lily Baranello wrote.
If you click on it, you will be able to buy a copy.
In Montreal, on Sunday, August 27, 2017 at the age of 46 years LILIANA BARANELLO passed away. She will be sadly missed by her husband Vittorio, her cherished son Marco, her parents Agostino and Antonia, her mother-in-law Rosalia (late Giuseppe), her brother Tony(Lily), her brothers-in-law Saverio (Claudia), Corrado (Domenica), Sandro (Rosa) and Johnny (Domenica), her numerous nieces and nephews, other relatives and friends.
Donations in her memory can be made to the MS - Multiple Sclerosis Society of Canada.
What Did Your Parents Teach You About Marriage?
by Frank Kermit
I posted this on my social media and have to say that the majority of the responses were very negative.
Here are some examples:
"If I was to answer honestly, not many good things"
"My parents taught me that I should never get married"
"That how they ran their marriage was no good"
At the time of publishing this post on the blog
there was only one possible response:
My parent's marriage taught me that it's important to be
trustworthy, honest and transparent with your partner
If you have parents that taught you how to have a great marriage,
it seems you may be among the lucky few.
If you come from parents
that were not able to teach you about marriage,
at least you learned from them what NOT to do
(which means you are halfway there).
I can teach you the other half.
Sign up for Coaching and let me take you through
My Emotional Needs Analysis system
so that you can have a GREAT MARRIAGE
and make your next serious relationship
#parents #parenting #gaydad #dad #parenthood #mother #children
#teach #tpt #iteach #teacherspayteachers #teacherlife #teachersfollowteachers #teaching #iteachtoo #classroom #learn #teacher #educate #education
#marriage #groom #instawedding #ceremony #weddingparty #weddingday #bride #weddingdress #bridesmaids #weddinggown #congrats #married
#romance #weddingcake #celebration #wife #husband #celebrate #congratulations #together #noiva #forever #forbetterorforworse #untildeathdouspart
The show is called FRESH PERSPECTIVES and host DONNA SAUL will be welcoming Frank Kermit tomorrow, Thursday February 15, 2018 to discuss the topics of starting over after Valentine's Day and Things people do to push relationships away!
Starting at 10am EST and co-hosting is motivational speaker Jen Croneberger.
Another guest will be Michael Lausterer to talk about enhancing sensuality.
Be sure to visit the station's Facebook page HERE and give them a "like" to show your support!
Updated on February 28, 2018
SHARE YOUR STORY!
Did you know each other for years and slowly fall in love?
Were you recovering from an illness, and that person was there for you?
Did you bond over food, music, or hobbies?
Perhaps you worked together?
Happy Valentine's Day!
FrankTalks.com asked the question:
In your relationship,
which movie characters are you?
Please tell us
who you are and why
in the comments below.
Want to find your soulmate? You need to know this.
When it comes to love, most people have the true definition of love so wrong.
Think about the lyrics to some of songs you’ve heard about love.
They talk about how hard they want to fall, or how loving can hurt. There are even lyrics about not being able to live alone with just themselves because their world revolves around their lover.
Movies and television shows portray the fairy tale ending of “happily ever after”. But that’s not what love is, either.
Here’s what love is and is not:
1. Love is not lust-filled or extreme.
Chemistry is important, but it shouldn’t feel like you lose yourself when you’re together.
Nor should you feel like something is missing or that you can’t live without them when you’re apart. That’s called co-dependency.
When you are with your soulmate, love is uplifting and inspiring. It causes us to grow beyond our perceived limited possibilities.
Being in a soulmate relationship should be the icing on the cake, not the cake itself.
2. Love is not suffering or pain.
Love DOES NOT HURT!
It is easy and joyous. Your soulmate should contribute to your life, not constrict it.
And if you are feeling triggered by your partner, that’s what I call “The Mirroring Effect”. They are reflecting back to you things that you probably don’t like about yourself.
3. Love is not self-sacrificing.
In fact, it’s the exact opposite!
My favorite analogy for this is when airlines ask you to put on your oxygen mask before putting it on another. If you’re not loving yourself first, then you’re not going to be able to fully love another.
Also, don’t break up, or apart, from yourself to keep your lover. Stop sacrificing who you are to keep your partner happy.
Be 100% yourself and trust and know that is exactly who your soulmate wants!
4. Love is not judgmental or superior.
Love doesn’t judge. It doesn’t feel or act superior to anyone else.
Love radically accepts. Love respects. Love supports.
5. Love does not fix your life or get your needs met.
If you need someone to make your life better, that isn’t love. That’s neediness.
And, that means that something is missing from your life you can’t give yourself.
Loving yourself means knowing that all of your needs are already met and that you are whole and complete exactly as you are right here and now.
Love helps you deepen in new levels of self-awareness.
Love is from the inside out. It is already within us and gets activated when we feel love for another. External love can shift and fade. Internal love is constant and permanent.
You don’t “fall in love” -- you expand in love.
6. Love doesn’t expect you to make your soulmate happy.
It is not your responsibility to make anyone happy but yourself.
Love is not pressuring your soulmate to make you feel a certain way or to do things for you.
Love is a partnership. It is fair and equal.
Love adds to your life, it doesn’t complete it (sorry, Jerry Maguire).
7. Love doesn’t die.
Love never dies, or fades, unless we choose it.
If love is activated in us, it can never disappear.
We may sabotage it, block it, or forget about it. But it never goes away.
Love is a verb. Flow it and receive it.
Love is an adventure. It is a moment-by-moment getting to know each other as we are constantly changing.
It is awareness. It is deeply spiritual. It is vulnerability.
Love is constant appreciation.
Love is joy.
Love is bliss.
Do you think you are undateable? Find out more in this contributed post.
Dating in the modern world is one of those things that can seem pretty intimidating to those on the outside. It can often feel as though things used to be incredibly simple and now there so many rules that the whole thing can be incredibly confusing and overwhelming. The truth is that dating really hasn't changed all that much over the last hundred years or so, aside from a push for more equality among people of different genders and sexualities of course. But that doesn't mean that it's always easy. One of the hardest things about dating is being in a position where you feel as though, because of who you are as a person, you're somehow less dateable than those around you. This is fundamentally untrue! There is nothing that makes anyone in any way undateable! With that in mind, here are some ways to help you stop feeling as though who you are is going to leave you all alone.
There are no leagues, only type
One of the most common things that you hear when one person is interested in or attracted to someone else but doesn't want to make a move is that they're "out of their league." This is something that is often reinforced by TV, movies, books, music, and just about every other aspect of modern society. Which makes it all the more ridiculous when you realise that the whole idea of leagues is complete and utter nonsense. Who you're attracted to in life has nothing to do with some kind of empirical scale of how attractive you are. It comes down to what you like about someone. It could be their looks, their brains, their personality, and any combination of the three. Just because you think that someone is amazing and beautiful doesn't mean that they're somehow better than you or above you in any way. Remember, there are no leagues, there is only type, and everyone is someone's type!
Find people more like you
If your anything other than the straight, cis-gendered person that society wrongly assumes is the default, it can often feel as though dating simply isn't for you. Things like Tinder, Bumble, OkCupid and all of the other dating sites and apps are great, but they do seem to be mostly geared towards a fundamentally heterosexual way of doing things. If you're a different sexuality or gender identity from "the norm" it can be tough to feel comfortable in those spaces. That's why it's great that there are more and more spaces specifically for people of different sexual orientations or genders to connect with each other. Services like Gay Girl, which can help women who are attracted to other women connect with each other without having to worry about interacting with men in the way that they do on sites like OkCupid offer a truly fantastic service. Being able to connect with people who are like you can make the whole process of dating feel that much less lonely.
Stop trying so hard
The reality of dating is that it should be fun. If you feel like you're putting a lot of pressure on yourself to find someone or to get out there, there's a chance that you're doing it wrong. If dating is causing you more stress and anything else, then the best thing to do is just to relax and stop trying so hard. There are other things in life beyond just trying to find someone to date. Spend some time with friends, or just focusing on yourself. The truth is that if you spend more time focusing on yourself, then you're going to be a more complete person which will make dating and finding someone else a whole lot easier. Besides, a lot of the time, the moment you stop looking for love, it falls right into your lap.
Of course, it's important to remember that, just because it's expected of you doesn't mean you have to be particularly interested in dating at all! If dating isn't something that you're especially concerned with, don't let anyone try to tell you that there's anything wrong with you! There's no reason why you can't live an incredibly fulfilling life built around your career, your family, your friends, and your passions without needing to add dating and romance to the mix. Dating and falling in love can be wonderful things, but not if you feel like they're something you have to do instead of something you actually want from your life.
TINDER BREAKS AND BREAK-THROUGHS
A BLOG BY CARRIE JOYNER
Recently, I was at a friends birthday party.
As the kids were playing and having fun, the moms started to talk. There were a few women who stayed and opted to catch up with each other vs. doing the traditional drop and run (I do love me a pedicure, though, if I don’t know the parents that well!). These women who stayed are women that I know well on personal levels, most of whom I have known for a very, very long time. We just all happen to have kids that play together now.
Most of the women came to me one by one; some asking about the details of the demise of my marriage because they felt that they were in a similar situation (Ie. How did I know it was over?), some asking for a bit of hope as they were in the middle of fighting for their marriage, and one who told me something so beautiful and out of the blue that I felt compelled to write this.
She told me that she was getting a divorce after many, many years.
This is not the first time that divorce has been on the table for her, but this time it seems like it’s the real deal this time. She told me that she knew, as hard as everything was, (and I mean she is going through some things that nightmares are made of), she felt hopeful because she read my first blog and knew the details of what I had gone through. She knew that if I could do it...she could get through it.
“I saw your story and it made me feel hopeful, I am never going to give up and I know I can make it on my own”.
Never in my life has anyone said those words to me.
I was flattered and at the same time it was a violent call to self-reflection for myself. I looked back, as many of us do at the foothill of a new year, at all the things I had been through in the past few years and realized that I had undervalued and under- appreciated my own power of persistence, resilience and determination.
In 2011, my husband walked out on me very suddenly, but I kept going with my yoga/fitness business never the less. As I said in the initial blog, it was what kept me going and strong and healthy for my, at the time, 4 year old son. I built it up to a point where a random offer to purchase came in about 2 years ago and I/we took it. My ex was also my business partner at the time.
The sale dissolved my second to last partnership with him and took a lot of stress off both of us in the sense that it is pretty hard to dissolve a marriage and keep going as business partners.
The last bond will never be dissolved; our son. He is an amazing boy/budding man who is doing and will continue to do many amazing things. An athlete, a scholar and an overall good person.
His father and I are actually on very good terms, co-parent and split our time with him straight down the middle. He always bragged that we had “the perfect divorce”. We were civil and never got petty. We just both knew that whatever happened between us and our relationship, the most important thing was to stay level and positive for the sake of our son. It sure seems to be working.
This is not to toot my own horn or discredit actual nightmare break-ups, rather just a nod to the fact that regardless of what life throws at us, women are by nature; survivors, protectors, Goddesses and can turn lemons into the most delicious lemonade.
The conversation at the party then turned to my dating situation. What was it? Who was I seeing? Was I still online? “Give me a story, Carrie, because I have nothing going on here”.
Well, the story is that I got off Tinder a couple of weeks ago. The day they sent me a push notification around new years saying “Don’t change anything in 2018, over 3,000 people have liked your profile”, was the day I knew it was time for a change.
Let’s be clear- I didn’t MATCH with 3000 people, that was the number that I could have potentially matched with. You basically have to swipe left 30 times for one right.
The very definition of insanity is doing the same things over and over and expecting different results”. Why did I keep opening these messages and responding to ridiculous comments or requests? Maybe it’s the Canadian in me and I just didn’t want to be rude, but when a guy wrote to me “You are hot, but let’s be upfront about everything- I am 6 foot 2, brown hair, blue eyes, well built and 187 lbs...your turn...GO!” I was so freaked out! Did he want my bra size, too?! My blood type??
I had to take a Tinder break. If you know me, I am not a shy person and have no problem telling it like it is...but this was just rude. Um, sir, may I send you my headshot with my stats on the back instead? Oh, wait...I don’t have one. I forgot, I am not a mail order bride.
Then again, you actually have to pay for that service.
The actual problem with getting back into the online dating world, for me, anyway, are the issues that bubble up on the inside.
All those questions of “am I good enough, smart enough, pretty enough...”; they are real questions and SELF DOUBT bubbles up if you let it.
All the insecurities about why past relationship/s failed surface and it’s almost like a form of simultaneous therapy and torture.
For now, I am on a Tinder break. I just needed some time to date myself and fall in love with myself again instead of being so caught up with what EYEISDAONE thinks of me before even buying me a drink and having a face to face conversation. I know that women are strong.
I believe we just need to be strong together more often.
This party taught me that.
No matter how perfect someone can pull off appearing on the outside-they could be burning up on the inside. Be open to hearing their pain. The only way to get over it is to go through it sometimes.
I watched a movie last night where Rebel Wilson is trying to teach her new friend how to be single in NYC. The friend said she thought it would be more like Sex and the City on the single scene, and Rebel said the best line (and this is not a direct quote); the entire series was based on 4 single girls spending every single minute trying to find a boyfriend. It had nothing to do with being single and proud. It had to do with finding the next relationship, so they weren’t alone.
For now, I am just going to walk alone, and proud.
Dr. Laurie Betito Quotes