Blog of Frank Kermit of Frank Talks

Could You Be A Part Of A Toxic Relationship?

12/21/2018

Are you in a possible toxic relationship?
Are you looking to help someone who is in a toxic relationship? What is a toxic relationship?
Learn more in this contributed post.

Have Faith In Your Own Self-Awareness

The compulsion to explore whether you’re in a toxic relationship could be due to; your own perception of your relationship or your concern over someone else's, the suggestion by another that you are in a bad relationship without your awareness, or even the thought that you may be the perpetrator, the victim or that both of you in the relationship are accomplices in being abusive to one another. This post sets the foundation for how we can stop violence against women and men, by gaining an understanding of how we interpret toxic relationships, identifying some of the common mechanisms of an abusive relationship, to having faith in your own self-awareness and taking steps to prevent, stop abuse or leave a relationship entirely.

How Do We Determine A Toxic Relationship?

For a person to define a relationship as healthy or toxic, is for a person to judge based on their own morals, values, beliefs and their acceptance of the law that governs their state to determine what is proper behavior and actions in a relationship and what is wrong. However, no two peoples beliefs, values, upbringing and experience of seeing and being in relationships are exactly the same. Furthermore, toxicity doesn’t arrive wrapped in the same packaging for everyone to define it as something that’s immediately obvious. It creeps up in all shapes and forms, sometimes unnoticed such as the gaslighting effect, manipulation, and mind games other times tragically obvious, such as forcing substance misuse, murdering or raping of a partner. In other cases, it’s difficult for someone who is prone to being the victim, to see that they might also contribute in being abusive themselves. For some of the signs that distinguish whether you may be involved in a bad relationship, preview the next section.

Common Traits Of Toxic Relationships

Part of this post is to explore beyond the us and them view, “they are the abusers, and I am the victim,” it’s also to create a sense of self-awareness on whether we may unknowingly actually be abusive ourselves. By previewing the signs below, this may trigger whether you may be the culprit, accomplice or victim of a toxic relationship.

Consistent critical judgment - a partner who puts you down regularly knowingly or unknowingly, which makes you lose confidence, doubt yourself and might make you change yourself.
Dishonesty - lack of trust between partners, whether with merit due to an event that has left you to distrust another or without any cause at all.
Control - emotionally or physically controlling aspects of your life without invitation or approval. Such as the clothes you wear, the food you eat, your finances, what you can and can’t do or say, where you can and can’t go. Control can appear in the form of threats to prevent you from exhibiting certain behavior or actions. Bouts of pleasant behavior may trick you into believing your partner means you no harm and implements controlling behavior to “protect” you.
Physical harm - fear or apprehension caused intentionally or recklessly by hurting another on their body. Cutting someone's hair is also physical harm if you have not been permitted by the person to do it.
Gaslighting effect - a slow, unnoticeable process of brainwashing, a method of manipulation used gradually by lying, confusing the victim, calling the other crazy, making them doubt what is real (a method used in cults, for example, the Charles Manson murders). It may be difficult to recognize if you’re a victim of gaslighting.

This is a non-exhaustive list of how abuse might occur between two people.

Self Awareness In Relationships

With the above mentioned it may be difficult to define whether some of these situations you have endured could be interpreted as abuse, or you may convince yourself that although some of the above mentioned may have happened in your relationship, that they’re not severe and won’t lead to any other toxic behavior. When we’re in a relationship, it’s difficult for us to see things objectively. Moreover, when we’re outside of a relationship, we may fail to see the whole picture and what actually occurs behind doors. However, if you feel you may be inflicting or have inflicted harm on someone else you can seek professional help to prevent violence in your relationship and any issues escalating into irreparable damage that could affect you or another person both physically and psychologically. Never doubt your feelings if you think you are being mistreated, or that you are hurting someone close to you. Your emotions and gut instinct will give you an indication that something isn’t right in your relationship. To prevent falling victim to or being part of the abusive pattern in your relationships, there are preventative measures that can be taken.

Don’t make way for abusive behavior by consciously pushing your moral boundaries back to allow for abuse. Don’t discount your feelings towards abuse as unimportant. Don’t fall into an oblivion of believing normalized abuse portrayed by the media on tv, films and social media is what love entails. Protect yourself as you would your own children, be protective of your mind and body and seek family, friends and professional support from organizations such as https://www.thehotline.org/help/ to enable you to take steps to solve or end your relationship problems. More than anything, don’t wait and hope it won’t happen again.

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How to Be More Confident in Your Relationship

12/14/2018

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Are you lacking confidence in relationships?
Read 5 tips that can help you be more confident in this contributed post.

Being Confident In Yourself Helps Your Relationship

Being self-confident in a relationship is not always easy, especially if you have been hurt in one before. Being self-confident can improve a relationship though as well as being better for your overall well being. Life throws enough stresses at us without you worry about the state of your relationship.

Stop Being Your Own Worst Enemy

No one will make you feel more worthless than you. You should value your own worth, as this will make you feel and look better. If it helps, have a new hairstyle or change the color of your hair. Anything that helps you feel more confident is good. It is very easy to be your own worst enemy and that has to stop right now!

Be An Individual

You should not let yourself become an extension of your partner. You are an individual with your own dreams and aspirations. People who have lived on their own for a while are often better at this because they are used to considering just themselves. Although no one would ever suggest you should be selfish, you do sometimes have to put yourself first.

It can be great if you have a shared interest, but it is also good to have an interest of your own. Apart from keeping you mixing with other people, it is something else for the pair of you to discuss.

You should also make sure you stay in touch with friends that you knew before you met your partner. It may well be that they socialize with both of you, but you should still have an occasional evening for just you and your friends.

Take Time To Have Fun Together

Self-Disclosure

Tell your partner a secret about yourself that no one else knows. Sharing secrets or things you are ashamed of from your past can help to establish a feeling of intimacy between you. Self-disclosure can help to build your confidence in each other. For instance, if in the past a sex therapist has helped you over a problem, or you once dated someone who turned out to be a drug taker and you almost got involved in them too, your partner will be pleased that your problems were solved and that you have the confidence in them to be honest about your past.

Don’t Settle For Second Best

Do not let your self-esteem drop so low that you put up with someone who is constantly criticizing you and does not show you any respect. Manners cost nothing and there is no excuse for them behaving in this way. You deserve better than this, so don’t settle for second best. Walk away from the relationship, as there is no doubt that someone better will come along one day. Yes, it can be hard, but it will benefit you both in the long-term.

Have Fun

Make sure you have fun together sometimes at least. Laughing together is a great help for any relationship, and yours will be no different. It could be at a film you are watching or maybe playing some sort of game. Having a fun element in any relationship is vitally important if it is to succeed.

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What If You Designed Your Own Engagement Ring?

12/11/2018

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Have you ever thought about designing your own engagement ring? Learn how by reading this contributed post.

Your Engagement Ring Represents The Unique Bond Between You And Your Partner

Deciding to get married is one of the most wonderful, exciting things that can happen in someone's life. And right at the start of it all is that one special thing: the ring. That outward sign to the world that you're ready to tie the knot! And, let's face it, it has to be perfect. No-one wants to walk around with a ring that they hate on their finger, do they? The other thing is that you don't want it to be just any ring. This is one of the biggest things that you'll ever do; you want it to be unique and individual. Your engagement ring should be something that represents the unique bond between you and your partner. So a lot of people have taken to designing their own ring. If the bespoke approach appeals to you, then here are some tips on designing your very own engagement ring.

Pick your stone

Now, the traditional approach would tell you that diamond engagement rings are always the best option. And, let's be honest, it's a classic for a reason! If that's the direction you want to go, then you can find diamonds in all sorts of shapes and sizes to suit your personal taste. If you're interested in something a little different, or your budget doesn't quite stretch to diamonds, then there are lots of other options available. You could choose your birthstone or even a ring that combined yours and your partner's. If you wanted to you could decorate the main stone with smaller diamonds, just to get that traditional quality in there without breaking the bank. The great thing about designing your own ring is that you have the freedom to base it around whatever you like, or at least whatever your budget will allow!

Setting

Once you've got your rock all picked out, you've got to decide how it is that you're going to set it. Think about your lifestyle. Are you an active, outdoorsy type? Then a lower setting might be better. But if you prefer to really show off your style and you want everyone to see it, then why not go for a really high profile setting! Again, the choice is completely up to you! This might seem like an extremely small touch and one that you really don't need to think too much about. But this is probably going to be a ring that you're going to be wearing, along with your wedding band, for the rest of your life. You want to make sure that everything about it exactly right for you, your tastes, and your lifestyle.

Choose the band

A lot of people focus so heavily on the jewel that they forget about the ring itself. You a have few choices here, but the most common are gold and platinum. Think about your personal style as well as the jewel you've chosen. If you prefer warm shades then gold might be best, but if your style and the jewel go better with cooler hues then platinum is probably your best bet. Of course, style isn't the only thing that you should consider. You also have things like the weight and strength of the band as well. Sure, gold or silver are incredibly traditional but they can also be rather soft and delicate. If you want something a little more weighty and strong then why not consider palladium instead? Again, these might seem like incredibly inconsequential changes but the truth is that crafting the perfect engagement ring is always going to come down to the little details and how you're able to make them work to achieve what you really want out of them.

Consider Your Budget When Purchasing An Engagement Ring

Consider your budget

This might not be the thing that you really want to think about, but budget is always going to factor into the kind of ring that you're going to have when the day of the proposal arrives. Whether your partner is taking care of the cost of the ring or you're doing something a little more modern and splitting the cost between you, you need to make sure that you're working within your means. After all, as wonderful as it is to promise yourself to your partner, the last thing you want is to one or both of you to end up bankrupt for the sake of a ring. Sure, this might mean that there are some compromises that you might have to make, but you can almost certainly still find something really wonderful, even if you end up having cut a few corners here and there.

What about two rings?

Now, if you're a real stickler for tradition when it comes to your engagement and your wedding, you might want to look away now since this bit suggests something really rather unusual and different that more and more people are doing these days. Instead of a single engagement ring, why not get two, one for each of you? After all, as wonderful as it is to get to wear that all-important ring, your partner might feel like they're missing out on it as well. Not only that but it lets you take on the role of the one proposing as well as the one being proposed to! Again, this really isn't going to be for everyone but if you're interested in doing something a bit different that puts the two of you on equal footing then it's certainly something that's worth considering at least.

You might be thinking, "wait! Why am I the one doing this?" Well, why not! It's the Twenty-first century, after all; there's nothing wrong with having a hand in designing your own engagement ring! There's something wonderful about going through this process along with your partner to make sure that it's perfect. Sure, you might want to leave the planning of the proposal to them so you don't spoil the surprise for yourself, but being able to communicate with each other and plan these kinds of things is going to be great practice not only for your wedding but for your marriage as well!

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How To Throw A Great Christmas Party For Your Team

12/11/2018

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Do You Know How To Host A Great Christmas Party For Your Employees That They Will Love?
Read this contributed post to learn 5 tips that will help you plan a memorable event.

Christmas Parties Are a Great Way To Bring Everyone Together

The Christmas party season is officially upon us, and whether you’re already planning something for your employees or are stuck for ideas - maybe you thought you would just skip it this year completely and let them arrange something on their own, office Christmas parties really are a great way to bring everyone together and wind down after a long year and show appreciation for the hard work they’ve been putting in.

So, if you’re struggling to come up with some good ways to celebrate and ensure that everyone has a great time, then we’ve got you covered.

In this post, we’re going to share with you some tips for how to throw a great Christmas party for your team so you’ll hopefully go down as the best boss in history - or at least a pretty cool one.

Set a budget:

This may not be the most enjoyable part of planning a party, but it’s essential because it’s so easy to get carried away and letting things get out of hand when arranging the different elements of the Christmas party, so ensuring you set a budget from the beginning and are able to stick to it is definitely an important thing to take care of since it will allow you plan more efficiently and effectively without going crazy on the spending side of things.

Find a great venue:

This is one of those things that is always going to be easier the more notice you give, but even if you’ve left it a bit last minute it’s still going to be possible to find a great venue - it may not be your first, or even your second choice, but you’ll be able to find something that fits what you’re looking for. The other thing to consider is that some of the venues that have been booked well in advance may have cancellations, so it’s always a good idea to reach out to them and let them know if they have any cancellations to contact you as you’d be willing to put a deposit down right away - this is a win-win, since they’re not losing out and may even gain a bit extra since the deposits are generally non-refundable so the person who cancelled would have already had to let theirs go.

Decide if you’re having it catered:

Although catering can set you back quite a bit, it’s a pretty good thing to do for your staff - especially if alcohol is going to be flowing freely. Instead of having everyone have a sit-down meal, then a buffet option could be more cost effective and is actually a better option since it’s more casual and relaxed. When it comes to catering, it’s also worth deciding how you’re going to work the drinks. If you’re going to go for an open bar, then this will cost more, but you can usually speak to the venue and get them to work out some kind of deal with you so instead of paying per drink, you just pay a flat fee for the night and this will definitely put you up there as one of the coolest bosses ever.

Decide on a theme:

Themes are a pretty fun way to add a new level to a Christmas party, and although it’s Christmas, your theme doesn’t need to have anything to do with the Holidays - it can be fancy dress, it can be a theme that involves fun masks, or it can really be anything that’s a bit out there - or something that has a special meaning for your company and employees. It really doesn’t matter, but the idea is to have fun and get creative with it. You can have a look online for lots of inspiration around coming up with good themes for your party.

Arrange entertainment:

A party isn’t a party without entertainment, so decide on things like whether you want a DJ, a band, or whether you’d like to bring in a company like The Bartender Company to pour some great drinks and even mix up special themed cocktails for people or even have a funny photo booth. You have loads of ways you could get creative with this, so don’t be afraid to look into different and quirky entertainment options for your office Christmas because this is the stuff that will make it memorable for all the right reasons, and good entertainment doesn’t have to cost a lot.

We hope this list has given you some good tips and ideas for planning your office Christmas party this year - or even in the future.

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