​Some people will claim that there’s never a good reason to get back with your ex. However, there are many couples out there that gone through explosive breakups and got back together again only to grow stronger because of it. Getting back with an ex isn’t always a good decision – you could end up in the exact same situation if you’re not careful about it. Here are the questions you should ask yourself before returning into a relationship with an ex.

Have you given it time?
​
Many couples blow their second chance by getting together too quickly after breaking up. Straight after a breakup there are likely to be raw feelings of anger, sadness and even jealousy that could cause you to act irrationally. Giving yourself time apart allows you both to assess what it is you really want. If you still miss each other after several months, there’s clearly still a connection and giving it another go could be a good decision.

Have you/can you fix the reason you both broke up?

Every breakup happens for a reason – sometimes it can be a multitude of reasons. Fixing the problem that caused you to break up could be vital if you want to make another go at it. This could involve making improvements to yourself such as quitting a bad habit or making a gesture that proves you’ve changed – you can look at this guide for more information on how to improve yourself and win back your ex. If you can’t fix the problem because it involves making too big a sacrifice, getting back together might not be such a good idea.

Are you both miserable without one another?

This is something you’re unlikely to truly know without talking to one another. You may find that your ex has a new partner or has been putting their passion into achieving goals that they weren’t able to achieve with you – this could be a sign that they’ve happy without you, or it may just be a distraction. If you can’t talk to them yourself, try talking to their friends and see what information you can gather.

Do you have similar goals?

On the topic of goals, it’s important that you both have a few shared aspirations. If one of you wants to move away or have children and the other doesn’t, going back into the relationship may be unwise as one of you won’t be able to achieve your goal. In some cases, you may be able to make compromises. There may be other instances in which one of you has reconsidered their goals. Whatever the case, you shouldn’t give up your dreams for their sake.

Are you willing to take things slowly?

You can’t expect to pick up your relationship as you left off – things will have changed that will need to be addressed. Taking things slowly might allow you to rediscover the feeling of falling in love with one another again. This means going on dates and not seeing each other every day until you both feel comfortable with one another again.

Is there such a thing as Happily Single?  
By Frank Kermit
 
Is being single really that bad?

After all, when a person considers the amount of pain that a relationship or casual dating can cause, it may seem that just skipping the whole dating-thing altogether might make for a more peaceful life.
 

Could it be that intimate relations are simply not for everyone,
and maybe you happen to be one of those people?

​
How do you know if being alone is the right choice for you
and is it even possible to be content, o
r even fulfilled in a life without romantic love?


​As always, that answer is completely up to you.​
​
​

​Without having experienced
what a health loving relationship can be,
or not having experienced the positive attributes
of being with someone that cares for you,

it is challenging for someone
to see the value is pursuing a goal
they have no concept of.

​

​In these cases, people tend to be encouraged to work on themselves before entering into romantic relationships so that the challenges inherent with romantic relationships do not distract the people from the healing process, nor allow the romantic relationships to exasperate a persons energy causing them not to have the personal resources to slay the demon.
​

​Dismissed as laziness by some,

the lack of willingness

to put in the work required

to change behavior patterns

is nothing to scoff at.


Changing anything in your life forces you out of your comfort zone.


It takes work.

​
The motivation to make such changes may very well require that someone hit an absolute rock bottom before having enough gumption to finally make that change. The same principle applies to changing the status of a persons love life.
​

If you are trying to figure out if you want to give up on love or not, one of the ways to decide this for yourself is to sit down and work through the differences between your feelings towards single life and your desires for the kind of lifestyle you want for yourself. Start with your ideal lifestyle and work your way backwards to your current present date.
​

Once you have that ideal (and REALISTIC) lifestyle mapped out, see if you are the type of person that can actually attain it, and if you would be able to attract the kind of partner that you yourself would need to be.
 
Frank Kermit
​

P.S.  Do you Agree With This Article?  Disagree?  
​Have something to Add?

Write your thoughts in the comments below and share this article to see how many of your friends think like you.​

​

 
The cost of this kind of immature action is:

The Loss Of Your Credibility 

The Power of the Yoga Community and the Drive-By Divorce
 By Carrie Joyner
 
The main idea when I created my yoga and fitness studio was to build a community of like-minded people; people who loved yoga, people who wanted to get healthy and fit and strong…mind, body and soul.


I had no idea how important this community would become to me until about 2 weeks after opening the doors and had just experienced a drive by divorce.


If you have ever started or owned a business, you probably know how stressful it is.


You bet it all on red, dedicate months or years (in my case it took about 2 years of planning, financing and finding the perfect location, location, location) to even get to the point where you could actually consider it being “in business”.


Add on to that the end of a marriage that involved a 4 year old son, and it was a recipe for disaster.
 

So what is a drive-by divorce?

 
It’s getting a text from your husband asking you to come outside at lunch time.

I told him to just come into the studio, I had a pole dancing class going on and wanted to make sure all went well.

Then it’s getting another text saying “please, it’s really important…”, so I went outside.

I was greeted by the black Mercedes SUV, opened the door, got in and found my now ex-husband staring at me with red eyes and tear stains on his custom fit Armani suit.

He didn’t say much as he drove literally to the other end of the parking lot, where he parked the car and looked at me and said “You aren’t in love with me anymore, and I am not in love with you…we are getting a divorce.”


Simple as that.


The conversation was a bit of a blur.

I remember it not being a conversation, more of a speech.

I asked him what his next move was, and he said it was to go home and get his stuff.

He was moving into a  near-by hotel, it’s just over.


My only concern at this point was not me, but our son. I said “What about Shane? What do we tell Shane?” “Nothing”, he said, “tell him I am on a business trip until I figure it out.”


I got in my jeep and drove far, far away- not wanting my clients or staff to see me crying.
I headed to my best friends house on auto-pilot. She wasn’t there, so I headed back to the studio and did a few more hours of work like a robot.


I couldn’t think, move, feel….breathe.


It was a sucker punch to the heart.

I thought things were getting better, he said they were.

Apparently not.


The next few days were a blur.

I was in shock but trying to act like things were normal for my son, who was totally out of the loop.

Every morning I woke up, took my son to daycare, went to the studio and tried to get through the day.


Working on and at the studio proved to be the perfect distraction.



I was an open door kind of girl, and anyone- staff, client, teacher, etc. knew that they could always pop in and say hi or talk to me. This revolving door of mostly females became my tribe. Literally. I would tell them what was going on if they had the intuition or inclination to ask, and I would repeat the story a million times over.


Not only did I find women who had been through the same or a similar situation and even some men, but I found a sounding board and it became like therapy to me.


Between emotionally fuelled lawyer visits to trying to be zen and teaching my yoga classes, my studio became more than a studio.


It became my happy place.



When we were under construction, I wanted a big executive office in the back room with cameras and an intercom-but I ended up putting my tiny desk in a tiny closet right off the lounge and reception area, so I actually sacrificed luxury for the benefit of hearing every conversation, every client at the desk and being 10 feet away from my staff at any given time.
 


Which leads me to Merissa.

 
I heard a woman freaking out at the desk about a canceled Pilates class.

We used Mind Body software, which allowed us to see who had registered for what class, so if there was a cancellation for whatever reason, we could contact them to notify them of the cancellation. She did not register, but showed up at the “regular” time and was livid that the class had been cancelled.

I think the teacher was sick and we couldn’t find a sub. Whatever the case was, I decided to go out and talk to her. I asked her if she wanted some tea.

We sat in the lounge and sipped on tea as she vented about how far she’d come expecting to do her class and go home and make dinner.

I apologized, things happen sometimes that are out of control.

I guess she saw that I wasn’t my normal bubbly self and asked if I was alright.


I said no, not really.


I was a little overwhelmed with what had happened. I explained what I was going through and in the blink of an eye she went from an angry client to a person with the best words of advice I have yet to hear.

She told me about one of her best friends who had been married to a pilot, and he did the same thing.

In this case, there was another woman involved.


What she told me next wouldn’t change my life, but it did change my outlook on everything.


 
She said “the best thing you can do right now is take care of yourself and your son.

Get yourself into the best physical shape you have ever been in, focus on being happy and spoiling yourself.

Don’t do this to make him feel bad, do it to make you feel amazing and not sit there thinking about the why’s and the poor me’s.”



This did not make everything better. It did not change the situation or my grieving process.


But after Merissa, I talked to literally hundreds of women, of every age, who had similar stories.


I stopped feeling like I was the only person this had ever happened to.


I started to let go of the blame and anger and I started to feel really, really connected to every person who walked through my doors.


We all have a story.

 
We do.


Once we learn to embrace the fact that everyone is going through, has gone through, or will go through a life altering struggle- we become one.



That community that I started building became my pillar of strength in a trying time.


They say everything happens for a reason. I believe it. 


-Carrie Joyner

​

​Another scenario is that once a person has healed, he or she becomes a different person, and the new person would not have ever sought to date a savior type to begin with, and the healed party moves on to find a new life partner that they can be on more equal footing.


A life partner cannot be someone that a person needs to save in order to earn love.


Your life partner will love you regardless if you have the power to save them or not.


If a potential life partner seeks you out to solve all of his or her problems, or if you are the one that feels obligated to save your partner from him or her self as a means to stay importantly relevant in their lives, it is all one big Red Flag.

​ 
At best, a life partner is something that you can be equal too, in the sense that neither one of you is required to save the other, especially saving a partner from themselves.

As partners, people can grow together, and explore the world together, and support each other through hard times, all the while making the mistakes we all make being human beings.

​

You Do Not Have Time For Toxic People
By Frank Kermit
 
When I lecture, coach or regularly talk on the radio about Toxic people,

I usually define Toxic people as lacking the capacity to reason, or people who have the capacity to reason but just do not want to reason with you.

I often advise that the best way to deal with a toxic person is not to deal with that person at all.

The Silver Lining of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)
by Josee St-Onge


There were many things in my life that were not planned nor desired. Developing PTSD certainly was not one of them. Nor was the assault that lead to it. 


For me, it was like waking up in a foreign country. 
An outsider, within my own life. 


Even the simplest of tasks required a revision of each step in order to be able to accomplish it. At times, I did not feel much. At other times, I felt too much.  Caught between two elusive worlds, I clung to anything that would help me to stay present.


The laughter of my children was the first thing to seep in. 

Sleep was my enemy. But being awake was not my ally.

Every cell in my body felt like it was irritated and angry. Utilizing every ounce of my energy. There were no reserves to access.  No clear healing path to follow.  

And then a thought occurred to me.

I had survived the worst. It was time to just be. 

Be who I need to be at the moment in order to move forward. Letting go is far less painful but rather a scary thing to do.  Allowing myself to feel, transformed me into something unexpected. Showing me that there is no shame in taking a step back in order to reconnect with our innate self.

Over time, we seem to lose this connection and define ourselves through our career, family status, age or religion.  But these are not who we are as spiritual beings. But merely the costumes we wear as we progress through the various stages of life. 

I assure you that as a nurse, care giver and mother of three. I had lost that connection long ago. Sacrificing, giving, guiding, teaching and loving. All wonderful, in their own ways. But all draining of fuel that if not re-filled, may lead us to feel empty and resentful.

The world will take as much as you are willing to give. Giving is needed. However, giving without accepting is maladaptive, counterproductive and draining.  I found myself, completely depleted. I needed to be refueled. 

​Through old-fashioned hand crafted soap making, each of my senses began to awaken one at a time.

Creativity started to bubble up from deep within my soul. 

I let it.

Slowly, inspiration took over. 

It was like welcoming home an old friend. One that had been lost, yet returned like not a day had gone by without. Creativity was the friend that showed up and carried me when I could no longer carry myself.  

On the days when I am feeling overwhelmed, I take out my supplies.  First choosing my scents, then my oils. My tolerance for being in the here and now, grew from there.  

It seems odd to say that soap saved me. 

But it truly has.  

Along with the help of a qualified therapists and the support of family and friends! It would have been way too easy to numb my pain with drugs or alcohol.

I can understand why one would want to.

Trusting that we somehow have the internal resources to deal with the unimaginable is perhaps the most difficult part of the healing process.  

Creativity Is Your Friend

Creativity is an old friend. This old friend and I, have a long healing journey ahead.

But once past it, I will surely keep it around.

I could never undo the amount of internal growth that it has helped me to achieve.  

I do not see myself as broken. But rather, broken open.

It is this unfortunate event that jolted me out of my robotic way of living.
I was so focused on what needed to be accomplished in my day, that I was no longer just being.  

On those challenging days, finding even the smallest of joys may help ground us.

It can be as simple as enjoying our favorite tea.

Or applying a scented hand cream.  

A few minutes of taking in the life around us can make the world of difference.

I am excited about today.

I am excited about the future.

But most of all, I am excited about the deepened person I have become. 

There is not one thing or a person that can define us.

We are the only ones with the power to do so.  

​We must remember to just be!

Soon, I will be revealing the final product of my inspirations.  Feel free to reach out and share what is keeping you grounded. Let’s continue to inspire and uplift one another!
 
-Josee St-Onge

https://www.facebook.com/beeefriendly