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When it comes to first dates, it’s a given that you need to remain safe. Usually, this person is a stranger, especially with the rise of online dating. So, how can you ensure that you’re going to be safe? What can you do? Keep reading on to learn more about it!  Stay In A Public Place Don't Go Somewhere Alone
The first date is a potentially nerve-wracking experience, and it's important to take time to make sure you're prepared. There are more than enough scary stories out there of people getting endangered during a first date. For a first date, you should never go somewhere alone with the person. If you are in a public place, like a coffee shop, then you should always insist on staying in public. There are so many fun first date ideas in public anyways, such as horse back riding. You should also never go to someone's house on the first date, even if they push it. You need to grow trust for them before going anywhere in private. Notify Someone That You’re Going on a Date Always tell someone that you're going to be on a first date and make sure they know where you'll be and who with whom. This is the single most important thing you can do to stay safe when going on a first date. Avoid Giving Out Too Much Personal Information Use your head when it comes to contacting your partner before and after the event as well, so, don't give out any personal information like your address or phone number until you're more comfortable with them. This also goes for sensitive information like work details or passwords. If they ask, always be on the side of caution and say no rather than get into a debate. Stand your ground and look out for red flags. If possible, try to not even give out your last name. Protect Yourself With Technology In this day and age, it is common to meet your partner online. However, the dangers of meeting a stranger in person are always dangerous. Technology is a great thing to use for your own protection on a first date. You can use it for your own safety and make sure you don't end up in an uncomfortable situation. Ensure that your location is on, and maybe look for a safety app just in case. Make Plans with Friends After the Date is Over Why do this? Sometimes, a date wants to drop off their date, share an Uber, or something like that. This may sound nice, but the person will immediately know where you live. You’re better off going to another public space to see friends once the date is over. Have a General Idea of First Aid Anything can happen during a first date; something could happen to you, or maybe even your date. Learning basic first aid and maybe even looking into MyCPR NOW for a certificate could help. You never know when you’re presented with the chance to save someone.
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Dating can be a daunting prospect, especially if you're taking the plunge again after a long break. Here are eight things to keep in mind if you're getting back into dating:  Try To Relax and Enjoy The Experience 1. Don't take yourself too seriously The dating world is full of opportunity and adventure, so approach it with an open mind and a sense of fun. If you start to take things too seriously, it'll all seem like hard work and you're more likely to get bogged down in the nitty-gritty details. Instead, try to relax and enjoy the experience – after all, meeting new people and going on dates can be exciting! 2. Be honest about what you're looking for When you're filling out your online dating profile, be honest about what you're looking for. You may ask yourself is tinder safe? But it can be if you use it openly and honestly. If you're not ready for a serious relationship, say so. It's better to be upfront from the start than to string someone along only to end things later on. 3. Don't rush into anything It's important to take things slowly when you start dating again. Don't feel like you have to jump into bed with someone on the first date – or even the second or third date! Get to know each other first and see if there's a real connection before you take things to the next level. 4. Be yourself One of the best pieces of advice for dating is simply to be yourself. Don't try to be someone you're not – people will see through it and it's just not worth the effort. Be honest about who you are, and what you like and dislike, and let your personality shine through. 5. Don't play games When you're dating, it's important to be genuine and authentic. Don't play games or try to manipulate the other person – it'll only backfire in the end. Just be yourself and let things happen naturally. 6. Keep an open mind Don't rule someone out just because they don't fit your usual type. It's always good to keep an open mind when dating, as you never know who you might meet! You may find that you have more in common with someone than you first thought. 7. Don't be afraid to make the first move If you're interested in someone, don't be afraid to make the first move. It's okay to be proactive and contact someone yourself – in fact, it shows that you're interested and confident. Just don't overdo it – a few well-placed messages are all you need. 8. Enjoy yourself! Last but not least, remember to enjoy yourself! Dating should be fun, so make sure you take the time to relax and have a good time. If you're not enjoying yourself, then there's no point in continuing. Life is too short to waste on bad dates, so cut your losses and move on if someone isn't making you happy. The Bottom Line Dating can be a great way to meet new people and have some fun, but it's important to keep a few things in mind. Follow these tips and you'll be sure to have a good time – and maybe even meet someone special! Dating online is something that some people can fear, especially if they’re not used to it. It might be that they’ve just come out of a long-term relationship or simply because they’ve never tried online dating before. With that being said, here are four tips for dating online.  Complete Your Online Profile Fully To Increase Your Chances Of Matching With Someone Take Your Time
The first thing you want to remember is that it’s important to take your time. The last thing you want to do is to rush into anything that you’re not sure of. There’s going to be a lot of people out there looking for love, whilst others may not be looking to settle down and simply want to date and explore the waters! There are going to be people who engage with you regularly and others who may only speak to you on the occasion that they want something from you. With that being said, take your time. Think about what you want and consider what’s out there before you commit yourself to anything, whether it’s a date, a hookup or a relationship. Set Up Your Profiles Properly The next thing you want to do is to set up your profile properly from the beginning. There are those that will set up their profiles on a dating site but they won’t really bother with filling in everything properly or fully. It’s important to do this in order to get matched up with the right people and so that the site or app can make you readily available to everyone that you may be compatible with. Make sure that you’ve filled in all the relevant information that has been requested and do remember to upload photos too. It’s always good to have your main photo as a picture of you, rather than you with a group of friends. That will only make it confusing for those that are perhaps interested in your profile but can’t decipher who you are from your profile picture. Be More Open To New Experiences There are a lot more experiences that may be new to you when it comes to online dating. Many unique characters like those with a feet fetish or a kink that you may have not even heard about before. It’s good to be open to new experiences because who knows, you might find someone who you really connect with well. Be Careful And finally - be careful. It’s important to remember that anyone can be anyone when it comes to the online world, particularly when it comes to dating. Be sure to meet anyone new in a public scenario and that you get to see them from afar before actually going over to introduce yourself. The online world is a dangerous place, so caution is definitely necessary. These tips should help you get the most out of your online dating experience. Use these tips to start your online dating journey this year and hopefully, who knows, you might find your future partner. Or alternatively, a dating life that’s worth boasting about to friends! Having trouble meeting the right person for you? Read 6 ways you can improve your chances of meeting that special person who could be your lifelong partner.  Improve Your Chances Of Meeting Someone Special Unlucky in love? Still not met the right person for you? It can be frustrating, we know, especially when you despise being single. The last thing you should do, of course, is resign yourself to the notion that you might be single forever. Instead, you should do what you can to improve your chances of meeting that special person who could be a lifelong partner. So, what can you do? Well, here are some suggestions that we hope you find useful. #1: Trust your friends to help you Your friends probably know you better than you think, so they might have ideas about who you could match up with. So, if they ever try to arrange a date between you and somebody they know, don't be too quick saying 'no.' It might be that they have somebody in mind who shares your interests and quirks, so let your friends play Cupid because true love could be right around the corner. #2: Improve your online dating profile Thanks to the internet and the wealth of dating sites and apps that are available, you have more chances than ever of meeting the right person. But if you're not getting many swipes or messages, it might be because of your online dating profile. The photos you have used may not be the most flattering, and it might be that you sound desperate within the 'about me' section. Ask a trusted friend to give your online profile a once-over and if they suggest improvements, consider their suggestions. Click the following link for more info about online dating and use the advice given. #3: Be less judgemental It might be that you have been on dates with people in the past, or you may have considered asking somebody out on a date. But if things didn't progress in either scenario, it might be because of your judgemental attitude. You may have decided that you didn't like something about the other person, be it an aspect of their personality, looks, or lifestyle. We all do this, but our first impressions are sometimes wrong. Sometimes, we need to give people a chance, so if you know you have been too judgemental, try to be less reactive. When you're too fussy, you might rule out your chances of romance, and you might miss out on the person who could be the one for you. #4: Find ways to meet new people The only way you're going to meet somebody is by putting yourself out there. Admittedly, this is difficult at the moment with the pandemic restrictions, but you can still sign up to more dating sites and apps. When life returns to normal, you can also make the effort to be more social. Go out to parties when you're invited. Sign up to community classes and attend local events. Check out these ideas for meeting new people. And when you are in the company of others, talk to them. Put your phone down, introduce yourself to others, and have a good old-fashioned conversation. It might be that you meet somebody who will be the perfect match for you! #5: Be a better date Sorry to say it but you may have been unlucky in love because of mistakes you have made on your date. You may have made little effort with your appearance, and you may have talked about yourself a little too much. You may have forgotten to compliment the other person, and you may have been overly pushy with them about your need to find true love. These are all classic first date mistakes and should be avoided. So, be mindful when you are on a date with another. Take time getting yourself ready beforehand. Make every effort to compliment them. Ask your date questions about themselves, but don't get too personal on the first date. And be yourself, without coming across as desperate and needy. If your date goes well you might stand a better chance at another, and if things progress well, romance could soon follow. Finally It can take a while before we finally meet the right person, so don't lose hope or patience. Follow our suggestions and continue to browse our website for more advice. Get in touch for the coaching services that we can offer too, as you can improve your true love chances with our experienced advice. There will be a day when you do meet 'the one,' so even if that isn't today, don't give up hope on your chances for tomorrow. Read 8 Ways To Boost Your Chances At Finding Love  Boost Your Chances At Finding Love While there's no time limit on finding love, staying single for a long time can quickly dampen your spirits. Besides, the sooner you find the person of your dreams, the more time you'll have together. So, if you want to find love, there's nothing wrong with wanting to find it fast. It's impossible to force or rush love, but you can certainly give your chances a boost. Here are eight great ways to make it happen without placing unnecessary pressure on yourself. #1. Learn To Love Yourself Corny? Definitely. Still, you cannot possibly expect someone to love you if you don't even love yourself. Before seeking validation from someone else, you must first master the art of unlocking the best version of you. Dating is a significant part of your life, but it needn't be the only defining feature. Chasing other goals, such as getting fitter or gaining a promotion at work, can be very rewarding. Aside from directly enhancing your life, it'll make you happier and self-confident. In turn, this makes you more attractive. Quite frankly, without this strong foundation, the path to finding love will be a whole lot bumpier. #2. Know Where To Look There's no set guidelines on where you can or can't find love. A growing number of people are finding love online, but there are still plenty of places to meet people in the real world. Still, you must learn to look in the right locations. Society has changed, and people are more likely to listen to a podcast rather than talk to people on their commute. Meanwhile, bars can be a little daunting. Sharpen your aim by using your career and hobbies as ways to meet like minded people. When you do, the hopes of meeting someone are greatly increased. Alternatively, if using speed dating, choose a themed event you can get behind.  Finding Love Online Is Only One Way #3. Make First Impressions Count As humans, we actively make judgements within seconds of meeting people. Whether it's online or offline, you may only have a few seconds to grab a person's attention. So, while love isn't all about appearances, yours must count. With this in mind, learning to take attractive photos for your dating profiles can make a big difference. Meanwhile, your posture and general body language deserve attention ahead of blind dates or approaching people at a bar. If you lose their interest right away, it's very hard to win it back. Conversely, a great first impression will give you the confidence needed to make things run smoothly. #4. Focus On Psychology Physical attraction is, of course, an important part of the dating game. This is especially true in the early phases. Still, the mental and emotional elements can have a telling influence on any subsequent progress. Do not underestimate this factor. You should research 'what is the scrambler mind game?' to gain a deeper understanding of the psychological edge. When you make yourself more desirable, your hopes of finding the right person are far greater. After all, there will be a bigger pool and a better chance of building relationships. Besides, love is a meeting of the minds as much as it is a meeting of the bodies. #5. Play The Numbers Game As well as psychology, you can additionally place an emphasis on the idea of probability. While the fear of rejection is probably the worst thing about dating, it shouldn't stop you from seeking what you want. You score 0% of the shots you don't take. The fact is that if you strike up a conversation with 100 people, you are far more likely to get a date than if you only ask one person. Once you start dating, exclusivity may become a key feature. Until that time comes, though, there should be no guilt about speaking to multiple people. You don't want to waste six months chasing one person for it to go all wrong.  Use Your Support Network To Meet People #6. Ask For Help Only you can decide whether someone you date is the right person. Nonetheless, you do not need to face the process of finding that person alone. Your friends and relatives are an important support network that can aid the cause. Most people won't want to tread on your toes. However, if you ask them 'do you know anyone suitable?' in the right way, they will help. They know your personality and looks as well as those of their friends and colleagues. If they are up for playing matchmaker, it could be an ideal way to find the one. They'll probably speak to the other person first. So, you'll know that there is at least some interest. #7. Make Dates More Memorable Getting a date is one thing. However, if you want a second date to happen, it's vital that you give them a reason to want it. Aside from dazzling them with your wit and charm, why not focus on an event they'll love. If you have a joint hobby or passion, use it. This could mean buying tickets to a gig or seeing a place you know they love. Otherwise, you can embrace the following fun date ideas that encourage you to have an enjoyable time, even without the ingredient of love. It also allows feelings to grow organically. When a person associates spending time together with increased enjoyment, success is assured. #8. Stop Worrying It sounds crazy, but it's often the case that ending the active pursuit of love is the best solution. When you spend too much time thinking about it, the stress and pressure can stop you from being yourself. It also blocks what's right under your nose. If you do meet the right person, that could signal the end of your bachelor life. So, use this time to enjoy the benefits of being single. Travel the world. Follow your passions. Do what makes you happy. You don't want to look back on this period and regret missing out on opportunities. Aside from improving this stage of life, it supports any subsequent relationships you may enter. Dating doesn't have to be boring! Read more about how you can make your dates more interesting and memorable too!  Try A Different Kind Of Date To Make It More Enjoyable It’s very easy for us to get too formulaic about this whole ‘dating’ process. First you meet someone in person or online, then you speak a little, then you go on a date, perhaps for a meal or bowling or something else active, and then you do that a few times. You’ll decide if you like the person or not, and from there, things may become a little more serious, if only just. If this works for you, then you deserve to enjoy that process. There’s no reason why this can’t be a successful approach. And yet for some people, going through the motions simply isn’t enough. These are the people who actually wish for a good time on a date rather than ‘ticking all the boxes.’ We would recommend you try to see what it’s like to follow this path, a little off the beaten track. To do this, you have to provide your date an experience slightly out of the norm, and also provide that for yourself. This way, you may find your dating experience is much more memorable than it would have been otherwise. Let’s see what this may look like: Head On A Double Date A double date experience with a friend can be a great idea, and it can bring with it a range of hilarious new memories. It can also take the bite out of a first date, be that the tense exchange you might have with someone new, or the artifice you may feel. When you can laugh as a small group and select the best double date ideas together, you have more of a chance of making a success from the evening. Approaches like this signify novelty, and more than anything, the willingness to have fun. Show Them Something You Care About Showing your date something that matters to you can be important. For instance, if you work in a museum, it might be that showing them around the private collections in a curated showing could be something you organize with your boss in your downtime, provided you work overtime to justify it. Don’t be afraid of bringing them into your world, be that culturally, through your passions or even profession. Sometimes shared passion can mean so much more than polite small talk. Jump Into Their World If you hope to bring them into your world, don’t be afraid to ask them to show you theirs. For instance, it might be that they’re a dancer, and would love nothing more than to see a show taking place in the city that weekend. If you can curate a date idea based around a passion of theirs, or to surprise them based on the information they have given you, they may just see how well you have thought this out. It’s always nice to learn and experience something new, even if it’s not your usual cup of tea. With these date ideas, you’re sure to provide and gain a truly magical and novel dating experience. Read the top 5 dating myths to be ready for your next date! You may not realize it, but there are many dating “facts” that are nothing more than fallacy. They might seem like they make sense, but in reality, they are untrue. If you’re new (or returning) to dating, you should make sure that you go into it knowing what’s the truth and what things are a load of baloney! So, with all that in mind, take a look at these top 5 dating myths debunked for you here today:  Know Fact From Fiction When You Are Dating Myth 1: Online dating is for losers Far from it! With today’s hectic work schedules and social calendars, it can often be challenging to find the time to do “offline” dating. The thing about Internet dating is that it offers a convenient way for like-minded people to connect, learn more about each other, and eventually meet up. More people turn to online dating each year, making its popularity increase all the time. So, no, online dating is not for losers. It’s for people that want a convenient and safe way to find love! Myth 2: Online dating’s the only alternative to offline dating You may not realize it, but there are a few different ways you can connect and meet up with people. And certainly in a non-offline setting! Yes, online dating is perhaps the most common way to find people that you wouldn’t otherwise have met. But, there are other alternatives too. For example, looking at thechatlinenumbers.com you’ll see that it’s possible to connect with others via telephone. And let’s not forget penpals, video, and mail-based dating services!  It May Take Several Dates To Feel A Connection Myth 3: Not “clicking” on a first date is bad news In many cases, if two people don’t click on their first meeting, it doesn’t always mean there is no “spark” there to develop things further. Often, it can mean that one of the pair is perhaps an introvert and anxious about making their feelings or intentions known for fear of rejection. In those cases, a few more dates between the pair might be needed before the less confident of the two plucks the courage to develop the relationship. Take a look at this interesting article from berkeley.edu on the subject. Myth 4: First impressions always count When you meet someone for the first time and hope to impress them, such as for a job interview, you’ll likely want to do some preparation first. You’ll also wish to dress for success. But, some people are quite confident by nature and don’t feel the need to “push the boat out” as the saying goes. To quote another saying, don’t judge a book by its cover. In other words, don’t assume what gets presented in front of you is the best that person can or will offer. Myth 5: You shouldn’t listen to what other people think When it comes to dating someone, it’s always a good idea to gauge the opinion of your close friends and family members. Sure, there will always be one person in your inner circle that thinks your date is a bad idea. But, if most of those people are saying the same thing, you need to reconsider your options! Do you struggle with online dating? Change your approach to online dating by following these 3 simple tips. You Can Be Successful At Online Dating Online dating can be a real nightmare and some people swear it off completely. You have a huge range of potential partners that you can match up with but that inevitably means that you will end up going on a lot of bad dates with people that aren’t right for you at all. It can be quite exhausting after a string of terrible dates and you might decide that you’re just going to give up on it. But online dating isn’t necessarily the problem, it may just be the way that you are approaching it. If you follow these simple tips, you should have more success with online dating. Choose The Right Sites Most people go straight for dating apps like Tinder or Bumble, but they aren’t the only places for online dating. They don’t have a good reputation for finding long term relationships and even though some people do meet their future spouse on there, a lot of people don’t. But there are plenty of other dating sites out there that are better at matching you with people that want similar things to you. For example, the site arablounge match people from arab countries together. It helps them to find people that share the same cultural and religious values, which makes for better long term relationships. You can find all sorts of sites that match by religion or profession. Finding somebody that has a similar lifestyle and shares your values makes it a lot easier to meet people that you could see a future with. Spend some time exploring different sites and you will find that you are more successful. Make Your Profile Bio Specific When you write your bio, don’t just put boring interests like going to the cinema or taking long walks on the beach. Loads of people like doing those things but that doesn’t mean that they are the right person for you. If you want to attract people that you are compatible with, you need to be more specific. Write about what you want out of a relationship and what your core values are. Most importantly, try to show your personality in there so people have a real sense of what kind of person you are. With the right bio, you will get more matches from people that you are actually interested in dating. Be Efficient With Your Dates When you are online dating, you are always going to have bad dates, even if you follow the previous tips. The key is finding out whether somebody is right for you or not on the first or second date so you can move on and meet new people if the relationship isn’t going to go anywhere. You don’t want to wait until you are 3 months in before finding out that you are not compatible. Make sure that you ask the right questions so you can get a real sense of who they are and what they want from a relationship. General chit chat about your hobbies might be fun, but it doesn’t help you get to know somebody properly. Before you give up on online dating for good, try changing your approach and you may find that you have more success. Are you tired of being on the singles train? Read 5 great tips to help you find the partner you desire.  You Can Get Off The Singles Train If You Work At It Are you forever standing alone on the (figurative) platform while all around you, other people are holding hands, embracing one another, and gazing at each other with nothing but love? Do you feel as if you are on the track to a life alone instead of a life with another? We have some advice in this article if so, as you don't have to resign yourself to a one-way journey to singledom forever. Consider the following suggestions, and let them lead you to more dates, the possibility of romance, and ultimately, the final destination that is marriage (if that is what you are looking for). #1: Give online dating a go Chances are, you have probably tried online dating already. Especially if you are living a busy lifestyle, or if you are uncomfortable mingling with others in bars and clubs, online dating is a relatively easy way to see who is out there. From websites such as Match.com and Elite Singles to dating apps such as Tinder and OkCupid, there are all kinds of online avenues to explore. So, if you haven't already done so, give it a go and use these profile tips to give you greater opportunities for success when registering with a site or app online. And if you are already online, but haven't had a lot of success thus far, you might also use the linked tips to improve your online profile. #2: Be courageous and talk to people Sometimes, you need to instigate a connection with another person. This can be done online, but remember too that you are surrounded by people on a daily basis. It could be somebody sitting opposite you on your train journey to work. It could be a colleague sitting in the next cubicle to you at the office. And it might be somebody browsing the books you like when you're next at your local bookstore. Rather than staying silent, and wishing you had the courage to open your mouth to the people you find attractive, actually say something. Just say hello, or ask them how their day is going. Should they reply, a conversation might start to flow, and while it might lead nowhere, it might also open up opportunities for further things. So, think about the people you might already know or see regularly and plan to speak to them the next time you're around them. Perhaps role-play conversations with a trusted friend if you lack confidence in what to say, and consider using mobile chat lines to hone your communication skills with others. Of course, with this latter idea, you might use also chat lines to find romance too, so check out the previous link for some useful tips. #3: Attend local Meetup groups Not only are local Meetup groups a great way to meet new people, but they also afford you the opportunity to meet the people who are into the same hobbies as you are. And by having common interests, you shouldn't have too much difficulty instigating and having conversations with others, as you should both have much to talk about. Visit Meetup.com for local hobby groups in your area, or use the platform to start a group of your own. #4: Let other people play matchmaker Think about the people who know you the best, and ask them to recommend or introduce you to other people they know who might be a good fit for you. And to make life easier for you, perhaps ask your friends or family members to invite you both to a social gathering where you will be able to meet and talk to each other in a natural and easy-going setting. You might then hit it off with that other person and arrange a time to spend more time together away from the company of others. #5: Find other ways to meet people with shared interests If you have a particular passion for a local cause, you might want to volunteer at a charity group near you. If you are a fan of a particular movie, TV show, or music group, you might want to visit the appropriate fan conventions. And if you have always wanted to go back to school to learn something new, you might want to register for courses at a college near you. These are just some of the ways to be with people who have similar interests to you, and these are just some of the places where you might then find the courage to talk to the people you find interesting and attractive. So, what do you think? Are these ideas useful to you? By following our suggestions, you might finally have the opportunity to hop off the singles train and into the arms of somebody new. And hey, even if you don't, you might still make new friends, and they could lead you into the path of the person who could be 'the one' for you. Read some tips to navigate the dating world, when you are ready to start dating after a divorce.  Moving On From A Divorce Can Be Difficult Are you struggling with your divorce? This can always be a difficult time in your life. It’s the end of a relationship that could have lasted years or even decades. There’s the possibility that you or your partner was unfaithful and failed to live up to the marriage vows that you swore to uphold. The truth is that it can be tremendously painful to start dating again after you have been through a divorce. So, how should you handle this decision? Can You Fix It? You can start by asking yourself this question. It’s worth exploring the possibility at the very least, particularly if you don’t think that you have tried every avenue. You’re going to be more inclined to do this if you have been with your partner for longer. The instinct will always be to try and save the relationship no matter what. However, you might find that your partner does not feel the same way. If that’s the case, you have no choice but to respect their wishes. You can fight for the relationship a little but if you have already reached the D word there is one thing to keep in mind. It’s honestly probably for the best. People don’t race to the divorce line unless something has gone seriously wrong or the love simply isn’t there anymore. Should You Tell The Person You’re Dating? When you start dating again, you do need to think about whether you should tell the new person you’re seeing that you are either going through or you have just been through a divorce. That’s a tricky one because mentioning this might send the message that you are looking for a rebound. If that’s not what you’re after, you can spoil a lot of potential relationships this way. But if you don’t tell them, you can run into the issue of not remaining honest and starting off on the wrong foot. In most cases, it is perhaps best, to be honest, but you don’t have to get them involved in the divorce process. Keep this separate until you are sure that the relationship is heading in a serious direction. It’s important not to fret too much about this. Mediate Buncombe have lots of happy stories about single partners that found love again after a rocky end. Should You Try Online Dating? If you are getting back on the field, you may want to consider exploring the online dating world. This isn’t for the faint of heart but there are certainly some nuggets of gold buried under the trash heap. You just need to make sure that you are not taking what people say completely at face value. Remember, the internet does allow fantastic possibilities for dating and it also provides a tool you can use to check people out. Find out whether they really are the manager of their own company or if they still live in their parent's basement. Not a fan of the digital dating realm? Not a problem, speed dating could be the perfect alternative and yes, it does still exist. We hope this helps you navigate the dating world when you’re ready to move on from your divorce. Online dating is a great way to meet new people, even if you don't think you have the time to date. Read on to learn 5 signs that online dating is right for you. We, Homo sapiens love to be loved. It's our inherent propensity. As our elders often describe that love is not something that you acquire by your crafting skills, but you embrace it with your dedicated emotion and heartfelt intuition. There is an ancient myth about love that it just happens to us. Like it is just a cosmic conspiracy but love doesn't always work in that way. Love is more like an attempted initiative. We feel a certain ecstatic adrenaline rush within ourselves when love actually happens. To love and be loved, you have to have certain traits in your possession that serve your purpose when they are being needed. Not to mention, most of us if not every one of us deeply desires to be with someone. We fascinate ourselves in an alluring and romantic relationship where both live happily ever after. But detecting 'The One' for anyone is not entirely a very smooth operation. Sometimes it feels like a lifetime. But right now, we do have a tool to ease up our devoted efforts of finding a partner and that is 'Online Dating'. It offers you a huge number of alternatives to choose from. One of the many exciting dating platforms is DoULike.com. Many a site even provides various cross-matching opportunities so that we become aware of the opposite person a little bit beforehand. But if you're genuinely considering online dating, you just don't want to indulge in blindly. Eventually, there happens to be many reasons to confirm that online dating is just the thing for you.  Online Dating Is A Tool To Help You Find Your Match 1. IT'S HARD FOR YOU TO COMMUNICATE FACE TO FACE Behaviour and etiquette function differently in different individuals. Some are energetic, some are erratic whereas some happen to be shy and wary in front of others. Many of us develop a habit of hanging out with the same crowd day after day. Consequently, we get into a precise comfort zone that we almost forget and overlook the tools to communicate with someone in person. 2. YOU DON'T GO OUT VERY OFTEN We all get into a phase at times where we do not travel much, don't go out often and nonetheless, at those times we even don't try to attend any social events, and so we are less likely to meet new people. Thus, we become domesticated and feel more comfortable interacting with new people virtually.  Online Dating Is A Chance To Change Your Routine While Still Being In Your Comfort Zone 3. YOU LIKE TO COMMUNICATION BY TEXT Due to a lack of self-confidence, some people are too afraid to make eye contact or any kind of face to face approach. They are intimidated to be in a public gathering, or in a face to face conversation with someone. They find that they are much more comfortable behind a keyboard, where there is no gesture of visual communication. Online dating is a great way for this type of person to meet new people. 4. YOU ARE LOOKING FOR A CHANGE Dating should also be fun. If you're had a heartbreak, or have been single for a long time online dating can be a fun way for you to start dating again. Some sites can charge a fee for a membership, but if you budget carefully or have the money to invest freely, this can be a great opportunity for you.  Start Dating Again Through Online Dating 5. YOU HAVE A VERY BUSY SCHEDULE In today's chaotic lifestyle, it's very easy to become overwhelmed in the process of daily life to consider dating. So many people have so little time after work, and with family commitments, errands, and hobbies there is very little spare time left. Online dating has become one of the most convenient ways to search for a partner because the online dating sites work for you. Using your search criteria, they work around the clock to find you people that match your preferences. It doesn't matter what are you doing, you can find your compatible partner online anytime! Author |
 Carrie Joyner | About The Author Carrie Joyner is a regular contributor to the FrankTalks.com/Blog To Read Her Last Posts: https://www.franktalks.com/blog/bye-felipe https://www.franktalks.com/blog/seeing-ghosts-ghosting-and-online-dating http://www.franktalks.com/blog/swiping-right-on-tinder-jumping-in-to-online-dating https://www.franktalks.com/blog/the-power-of-the-yoga-community-and-the-drive-by-divorce |
36 reasons you got ghosted after a great first date
36 Reasons Someone Ghosts You After a Great First Date
by Frank Kermit
by Frank Kermit
You go out on a first date that goes incredibly well. There is great music, a proper mood, great talks, laughter, and physical contact including passionate kissing, and you maybe even had sex!
Things are going so well that based on the way you are connecting, you both make plans for a second date. Then the next day, the person contacts you and says that they are not interested anymore and did not feel any chemistry. Why would anyone go through the motions of an entire first date as if they are interested only to say in an impersonal communication the next day they did not feel any chemistry?
Actually, it could be a number of reasons. It really depends on the overall context. As a coach for dating and relationships, I have come across more than my fair share of reasons why people disappear (Ghost) after a great first date.
Here are some possibilities and reasons that come directly from my experience as a coach, working with people who have dumped someone after a great first date.:
What to Say - Book Cover
When It is Because of You
(You did something that turned them off)
Each person has emotional needs. If you did not satisfy the emotional needs of the person you dated they will have no motivation to date you again. Maybe you seriously violated the person’s emotional needs. If you did not violate an emotional need, it is also possible that you simply did not address them and were neutral. When someone tells you “no chemistry” it is possible you killed the chemistry yourself.
1. Something you said/did on the date turned the other person right off. The person could not react in the moment, (for example: During the date you made insulting jokes about a particular group of people and the person is related to someone of that group) so instead of acting in the moment and revealing private personal information, the person chose to act as if everything was OK to protect their privacy for the rest of the night to be safe.
2. You’re just a little too boring. The person sensed that you generally have a good heart, but they simply are not into you as much as you are into them. The person liked you a lot, but not as much as you liked them, so they decided it was best to cut you loose before you get more attached and got really hurt. The person might be trying to be ethical after all, but has chosen a less than great way to do it.
3. You love too much drama. The person is more sedate and seeks a calmer companion, but everything about you screams drama-drama-drama, from the things you like to talk about, to how you handle common situations that came up on your date. Maybe you acted too immature, like a child. The emotional range that comes with high doses of drama can in fact be a lot of fun in the short term, but can be very draining for others in the long term. After that first date was over the other person decided that you were too much for them.
4. You did not stand up for yourself. I hear this one quite a bit. Sometimes your date will test you to see if you would stand up for yourself, and when you didn’t, it was a turn off. Some people just do not want to date a mousy person. They seek out someone that isn’t afraid to be assertive, and are willing to speak their minds. Ever had that gnawing feeling that you should have said something at some point on the date, but held back because you were trying to be too nice and too polite? That might have been the moment you failed a test for assertiveness.
5. You came across like you were going to dump them. You gave the impression that you were not serious about seeing the other person again, so the other person decided to dump you first, before you had the chance to abandon them. Did you make the person feel they were unique to you? Did you give the impression you were the type of person that could commit long term? If you did not do these two things, the other person has no evidence to take you seriously when you say you intend to see them again. Very few people are going to stick around for a second date with a person that comes across as wanting to be independent of them.
6. You came across as untrustworthy. If the person you dated felt you could not be honest with them out of a fear of conflict, or if you came across as someone that could not be honest with yourself, they simply will not be able to put faith into anything you say or do. Trust is a key factor for any relationship. Violating a person’s sense of trust will not get you a second date, even if they decided to have fun with you on the first date.
7. You don’t make people feel safe with you. Maybe the person looked you up on the Internet after the first date and the searches revealed lots of information about you from your professional work profiles, and your social media. With the mystery gone, (and perhaps finding out things about you and your worst moments and traits), it was a no-go from there. Maybe you are friends with someone that is an ex lover of theirs, or they do not like the social circles you keep. Maybe they just did not feel safe with you, either physically or they worry associating with you will hurt their reputation. Perhaps you publicly shared too many things that your date would rather keep private and they worried you are not a good secret keeper. The bottom line is that even after a great first date, if a person does not feel safe enough with you, there will be no second date.
8. You’re a lousy kisser and/or lover. I am sorry to say this, but just because you really enjoyed yourself on that first date, it is not a direct indication that your date enjoyed it too. Even if your date had an orgasm, it may have less to do with your efforts than you might care to admit. This is not about just being sexually incompatible (see further down the list when that comes up). This is about you just not being any good. Sexual skills are just like any other skills. You can develop a better skill set, if you are willing to learn, experiment, and are open to feedback. However, unless you make it clear that you want feedback to help your date enjoy being with you, your date might assume that you are just going to be this lousy on an ongoing basis, and rather than tell you the truth, they would rather just avoid having to be physical with you again.
9. You come across too happy being single. You are not relationship minded enough. You said that you wanted to see the other person again and you really meant it, and the person believes you meant it as well. However, the question becomes are you capable? Not everyone knows how to act in a relationship. This comes up a lot for people that have either never had a relationship, or people that have been single for so long that they have forgotten the nuances of how to take another person’s involvement into account. A person who acts too happy being single, might give the impression they would rather not be in a relationship. If you expressed how much you rather enjoy doing things on your own that the other person would rather do as a couple, you aren’t going to convince anyone that you are seriously interested in a second date.
10. You would rather be with a different gender/sexual orientation. Believe it or not, just because you are willing to date someone of a certain gender/sexual orientation, it is not enough evidence you actually want to be dating a person of that gender/sexual orientation. Sometimes the frustration that you feel towards the dating scene and specifically the gender/sexual orientation of your past dates, might come across that you would rather date someone that is the opposite of the gender/sexual orientation of the person you are currently dating. If you are giving a vibe that you may not be fully comfortable in your own skin, or if your frustrations get misinterpreted as hate, or lack of attraction for the gender/sexual orientation of the person you are currently dating, it is unlikely that they will want to have a second date with you, even with the first date ending OK.
11. You are missing something they want. Some people do not want to bother with a second date if they do not see a definite future with you. If the other person is looking for someone to back them up for the long term, they will be looking for things like: stability, if you can support their lifestyle, and their social environment. Can you hang with their social groups, and at least equal or better their own current status. If they already have elements of a life plan in place and they do not see you fitting into their plans, a great first date, might also be the last date if they cannot envision a future with you being part of their life plan.
12. You are too needy. Perhaps things were going really well until you went a little too far and gave the impression that you were just too needy. This means that the other person did not feel that you wanted them because of the commitment they had earned from you; they felt you were so desperate for any companionship that you wanted a second date because it is better than being alone. Sometimes a needy person comes across as way too compliant; lacking any personal boundaries who might one day lash back because they do not feel they are getting the same level back from the other person that they are putting in. The scariest thing about getting attached to a needy person is that a needy person can go to one extreme and get obsessive, or go to the other extreme where since they no longer feel needy for you, they can dump you unceremoniously. Why chance any of that with a second date?
10. You would rather be with a different gender/sexual orientation. Believe it or not, just because you are willing to date someone of a certain gender/sexual orientation, it is not enough evidence you actually want to be dating a person of that gender/sexual orientation. Sometimes the frustration that you feel towards the dating scene and specifically the gender/sexual orientation of your past dates, might come across that you would rather date someone that is the opposite of the gender/sexual orientation of the person you are currently dating. If you are giving a vibe that you may not be fully comfortable in your own skin, or if your frustrations get misinterpreted as hate, or lack of attraction for the gender/sexual orientation of the person you are currently dating, it is unlikely that they will want to have a second date with you, even with the first date ending OK.
11. You are missing something they want. Some people do not want to bother with a second date if they do not see a definite future with you. If the other person is looking for someone to back them up for the long term, they will be looking for things like: stability, if you can support their lifestyle, and their social environment. Can you hang with their social groups, and at least equal or better their own current status. If they already have elements of a life plan in place and they do not see you fitting into their plans, a great first date, might also be the last date if they cannot envision a future with you being part of their life plan.
12. You are too needy. Perhaps things were going really well until you went a little too far and gave the impression that you were just too needy. This means that the other person did not feel that you wanted them because of the commitment they had earned from you; they felt you were so desperate for any companionship that you wanted a second date because it is better than being alone. Sometimes a needy person comes across as way too compliant; lacking any personal boundaries who might one day lash back because they do not feel they are getting the same level back from the other person that they are putting in. The scariest thing about getting attached to a needy person is that a needy person can go to one extreme and get obsessive, or go to the other extreme where since they no longer feel needy for you, they can dump you unceremoniously. Why chance any of that with a second date?
When it is The Other Person
(You did nothing wrong)
In the next cluster of reasons we are going to look at reasons you were Ghosted that actually have nothing to do with you, but have everything to do with the other person. In this section, it is clear that you did not do anything wrong, or incorrectly. It is just a matter that the other person was the direct cause of you not getting a second date, and possibly involved in a situation that you may not have been aware of. So when someone tells you “no chemistry”, maybe there wasn’t any, or maybe there was, but it wasn’t enough.
13. The person was using you to pay for the meal and lavish date, or using you to get into a venue that you have access too. Once the person got what they wanted in exchange for a little compensation touching, they moved on to the next target. You never actually had a chance for a second date, because dating you again was never the goal. The goal was to use you for the experience of a date.
14. The person is running scared. The person did not expect to like you so much and wasn’t ready for the potential connection that seemed to be developing, so they ran away from you using any excuse they could think of. (Run Forest Run!) Some people really have a fear of intimacy and you came across too good to be true. For example: Your date was a virgin (or very inexperienced) and did not know how to process intense emotions that comes after having a great first date. That person does not want to feel pressured into going on a second date, as they were not ready to experience the next level of intimacy that a second date may represent. (This is assuming that you did not have sex on that great first date.) The pressure that a virgin feels to perform sexually on subsequent dates can be more than enough to cancel any possibility of dating you in order to avoid that pressure. At the same time, they do not have to be in a position to admit to being an adult aged virgin (which can be stigmatizing for some).
15. The person is trying hard to date someone (i.e. you) who is not their type BUT isn't willing to push through the next level of a second date. You weren’t the type they were normally attracted to and they were looking to be open-minded on a first date, but could not fake it enough to make a second date happen. Sometimes people date as part of an experiment to try putting themselves out there in new situations to learn about who they are (self-actualization). This could involve dating someone they weren’t really attracted too in the first place. Usually, this kind of self-actualization process requires the person to give people like you an honest chance with a series of dates before calling it quits, but not everyone has that level of resolve.
16. The person lied on the first date about something, and is worried they will get found out. You got dumped before you even have the chance to dump them later on when you would have found out the truth. People who lie on a first date are not usually expecting to have a second date, or subsequent dates. It can happen that they realize they really like you, but they know that they have already ruined their long-term chances by lying early on. In most cases the person in question might be self-sabotaging with this kind of behavior pattern as part of a fear of intimacy, which helps keep them out of any potential serious relationships. A person that lies so much might have incredibly low self-esteem and figures that you will eventually end it when you get to know them, so they dump you first even though they actually want to date you. They feel it is better to dump you now instead of you abandoning them later, and justifying their low self-esteem.
14. The person is running scared. The person did not expect to like you so much and wasn’t ready for the potential connection that seemed to be developing, so they ran away from you using any excuse they could think of. (Run Forest Run!) Some people really have a fear of intimacy and you came across too good to be true. For example: Your date was a virgin (or very inexperienced) and did not know how to process intense emotions that comes after having a great first date. That person does not want to feel pressured into going on a second date, as they were not ready to experience the next level of intimacy that a second date may represent. (This is assuming that you did not have sex on that great first date.) The pressure that a virgin feels to perform sexually on subsequent dates can be more than enough to cancel any possibility of dating you in order to avoid that pressure. At the same time, they do not have to be in a position to admit to being an adult aged virgin (which can be stigmatizing for some).
15. The person is trying hard to date someone (i.e. you) who is not their type BUT isn't willing to push through the next level of a second date. You weren’t the type they were normally attracted to and they were looking to be open-minded on a first date, but could not fake it enough to make a second date happen. Sometimes people date as part of an experiment to try putting themselves out there in new situations to learn about who they are (self-actualization). This could involve dating someone they weren’t really attracted too in the first place. Usually, this kind of self-actualization process requires the person to give people like you an honest chance with a series of dates before calling it quits, but not everyone has that level of resolve.
16. The person lied on the first date about something, and is worried they will get found out. You got dumped before you even have the chance to dump them later on when you would have found out the truth. People who lie on a first date are not usually expecting to have a second date, or subsequent dates. It can happen that they realize they really like you, but they know that they have already ruined their long-term chances by lying early on. In most cases the person in question might be self-sabotaging with this kind of behavior pattern as part of a fear of intimacy, which helps keep them out of any potential serious relationships. A person that lies so much might have incredibly low self-esteem and figures that you will eventually end it when you get to know them, so they dump you first even though they actually want to date you. They feel it is better to dump you now instead of you abandoning them later, and justifying their low self-esteem.
17. The person was a professional (sugar baby/sex worker) looking for you to pay money for companionship on an ongoing basis. They discovered through the process of the date that you were either not wealthy enough or not willing to accept such an arrangement. Rather than try to change your mind or reveal their true intentions, they would rather focus on recruiting an easier client and cancelled any second date you tried to set up. This gave them the ease of not having to reveal their true intentions if they wanted to keep their economic interests a private matter.
18. The person was running a bet or taking part in a contest with some friends. Maybe it was who could they get to date them? Maybe it was how many first dates could they get, or how far they could get someone attached to them who wanted a second date? This one is cruel, but it does happen. You might have been a target for someone else’s participation in a contest or bet that had nothing to do with you. One such scam I came across in my coaching practice involved getting the “targets” into heated text messages after being dumped and insulted. The texts would then be posted online as a means of ridicule. Very cruel indeed! If something like that ever happens to you, as much as you are being baited to write back hatefully, try as much as possible to walk away. The person you think you are cursing out might not even be the one writing to you.
19. The person wants to play a mind-game with you to see if you will chase them. Some people are legitimately interested in you, but the way they react to any attachment/attraction is to push that person away really hard to see if they are going to “prove” themself and chase them. Some people will have no interest in you at all, but they love the attention you may shower on them by pushing you away, and having you come back to chase them again. Some of these people could be suffering from a mental illness of some kind, while others are just malicious. Either way, if someone pushes you away that much, accept it and move on.
20. The person was a people pleaser. Fear of conflict makes some people act completely agreeable during the first date to the point of misleading you to think you actually stand a chance at a second date. They hide behind a polite façade to the point of aggressively going along in the moment with anything someone presents them with, to the point where they react with a backlash the next day with a rejection. It might be a good thing that you did not end up dating that person more than you did!
18. The person was running a bet or taking part in a contest with some friends. Maybe it was who could they get to date them? Maybe it was how many first dates could they get, or how far they could get someone attached to them who wanted a second date? This one is cruel, but it does happen. You might have been a target for someone else’s participation in a contest or bet that had nothing to do with you. One such scam I came across in my coaching practice involved getting the “targets” into heated text messages after being dumped and insulted. The texts would then be posted online as a means of ridicule. Very cruel indeed! If something like that ever happens to you, as much as you are being baited to write back hatefully, try as much as possible to walk away. The person you think you are cursing out might not even be the one writing to you.
19. The person wants to play a mind-game with you to see if you will chase them. Some people are legitimately interested in you, but the way they react to any attachment/attraction is to push that person away really hard to see if they are going to “prove” themself and chase them. Some people will have no interest in you at all, but they love the attention you may shower on them by pushing you away, and having you come back to chase them again. Some of these people could be suffering from a mental illness of some kind, while others are just malicious. Either way, if someone pushes you away that much, accept it and move on.
20. The person was a people pleaser. Fear of conflict makes some people act completely agreeable during the first date to the point of misleading you to think you actually stand a chance at a second date. They hide behind a polite façade to the point of aggressively going along in the moment with anything someone presents them with, to the point where they react with a backlash the next day with a rejection. It might be a good thing that you did not end up dating that person more than you did!
21. The person was cheating on an existing partner (or attempting to cheat) They decided against it and ended it before things got out of hand. In this vain of thought, if the person was actually trying to cheat and got caught (or almost caught), it would make sense to end it quickly before you sent a series of text messages that the cheaters partner may come across. When someone tells you “no-chemistry” most people will back off at that point, which is what the cheater counts on.
22-The person has a sexually transmitted infection (STI). I have come across difference cases of this as a coach. Some people with an STI desire socializing, even limited physical touching, but cannot risk giving into the impulse to have sex, so the person cancels any potential future dates where sex could happen. Instead of wondering why someone broke your heart, you might actually consider being grateful that someone may have just spared your health without you knowing it. It is easier for an infected person to dump someone than to expose their health status to a relative stranger. In other cases, a person with an STI rather than deal with being in a relationship may go out for anonymous sex without ever telling their lovers of their condition unless directly asked about it. It is easier to simply disappear after a first date sexual encounter, than to go on subsequent dates where the person would have to reveal their status of their STI, which they would rather keep private.
23. The person is just not ready for something serious. It is very possible that the person really liked you and really thought about getting more serious with you, but then decided that you were too a good a distraction and did not want to be tempted. Some people need to be hyper focused on things like getting an education, establishing a career, or even raising kids, and are just looking to causally date and have fun. However, they met you, and really liked you and even considered allowing themselves to break their own rules, which explains why the first date was so great. However, realizing that you really are the right person, but at the wrong time in their lives, it can be easier for some people to let you go completely instead of continuing to see you and be tempted with a strong distraction from their previous set goal plan. Others may or may not agree with this decision, but the issue is not whether it is agreeable; the matter is what it is.
24. The person is Immature. Very sad to say that at some point, it really can come down to a simple matter of a lack of maturity. The inability to know what they want, getting swept away in the moment of the first date, then making the snap decision to recant and disassociate without the benefit of a more personalized goodbye. It has nothing to do with you, and everything to do with the person being too immature to take any accountability or responsibility for their own actions, or for leading you on.
22-The person has a sexually transmitted infection (STI). I have come across difference cases of this as a coach. Some people with an STI desire socializing, even limited physical touching, but cannot risk giving into the impulse to have sex, so the person cancels any potential future dates where sex could happen. Instead of wondering why someone broke your heart, you might actually consider being grateful that someone may have just spared your health without you knowing it. It is easier for an infected person to dump someone than to expose their health status to a relative stranger. In other cases, a person with an STI rather than deal with being in a relationship may go out for anonymous sex without ever telling their lovers of their condition unless directly asked about it. It is easier to simply disappear after a first date sexual encounter, than to go on subsequent dates where the person would have to reveal their status of their STI, which they would rather keep private.
23. The person is just not ready for something serious. It is very possible that the person really liked you and really thought about getting more serious with you, but then decided that you were too a good a distraction and did not want to be tempted. Some people need to be hyper focused on things like getting an education, establishing a career, or even raising kids, and are just looking to causally date and have fun. However, they met you, and really liked you and even considered allowing themselves to break their own rules, which explains why the first date was so great. However, realizing that you really are the right person, but at the wrong time in their lives, it can be easier for some people to let you go completely instead of continuing to see you and be tempted with a strong distraction from their previous set goal plan. Others may or may not agree with this decision, but the issue is not whether it is agreeable; the matter is what it is.
24. The person is Immature. Very sad to say that at some point, it really can come down to a simple matter of a lack of maturity. The inability to know what they want, getting swept away in the moment of the first date, then making the snap decision to recant and disassociate without the benefit of a more personalized goodbye. It has nothing to do with you, and everything to do with the person being too immature to take any accountability or responsibility for their own actions, or for leading you on.
When it is Neither of You
Lastly, in this next section are situations where it is not you, or the other person that is at the source of you not getting a second date, but some real possible situations that people find themselves in, or issues of compatibility that has nothing to do with how a person feels. Rather than discuss the real reasons, it is easier for people that do not know each other beyond a great first date, to simply cite “no chemistry”, so that they can end this particular stage with you, because it is just easier that way when life happens.
25. The person was hit with a crisis situation that required all of their focus and attention, and simply was not in a position to even entertain getting into a relationship much less date. A personal medical diagnosis, sickness of a family member, the death of a loved one, the loss of a job, and any other major sense of loss that a person would have to cope with. Tragedy can kill any feeling of chemistry that may have actually existed, and the person would rather set you free than to be honest and risk you wasting your time waiting for them. Tragedy changes people, and the person they become might not be a good dating partner for you in the future anyways.
26. The person could have been triggered by a past trauma and just cannot date you. It has nothing to do with you personally. It could be that you remind the person of someone that hurt them; or it could be the feeling of connection and chemistry that triggered them; and they associate good feelings with a core hurt. It is easier to dump you than to deal with past trauma.
27. The person was struggling and/or questioning their sexual orientation. They decided to try to date someone like you to see what it would be like, to either prove, confirm, or disprove something. Sometimes you are just someone else’s experiment while questioning.
28. The person really liked you and intended to date you again, but felt their friends and or family would not approve of you so they dumped you. Family and friends can be very important factors in deciding whom a person continues to date. It is interesting to note that seeking the validation of friends and family approval is why some people will continue to end up perpetually single.
29. The person was seeing multiple people at the same time, and someone made the move before you did to earn a monogamous commitment. For this reason the person had to dump all the other people they were dating. I have witnessed how dating another person can motivate an admirer to pursue someone. It is a common enough occurrence that as soon as someone starts going on dates, others who worshipped from afar, or who were dating casually until now, suddenly feel compelled to make a move and secure the affections of their would-be lover. Sometimes people can date you just to make someone else jealous for exactly this reason.
30. The ex of the other person came back into the picture between your first and second date. It is easier to tell you that they felt no chemistry, instead of telling you the truth. With that said, if the communication is happening right in front of the newly returned partner/formerly ex, it would make sense for the person to completely downplay any chemistry that might have actually existed. There is nothing quite like seeing the person you like dating others to light a fire of motivation to aggressively pursue (whether out of jealousy, or a legitimate belief that they should be together).
31. Off Limits. After a great first date, the person comes to identify you as an “Off-Limits” person. This means that they came to realize that you were someone they never should have had a first date with, or they already had such a hesitation, gave into temptation, but afterwards came to their senses not to pursue you any further. Perhaps you are a co-worker and they do not want to complicate anything by putting their careers in jeopardy if things go really bad. Perhaps they realize that they were romantically involved in the past with one of your friends or a family member (or vice-versa), and would rather follow a rule of non-fraternization. Putting someone in the “Off Limits” category is about avoiding dating someone who, for reasons that have nothing to do how you feel about the person, could complicate other areas of their life.
32. Different stages in life. After a great first date the person goes home and recognizes that you are both at very different stages in life. For example: One of you wants the lifestyle that comes with retirement, while the other to seeks a lifestyle that is just starting out with a family or new career. A great first date can reveal the awesome potential you may have as a couple, but if your lifestyles are incompatible because of the different stages you may be at, those incompatibilities may be more than enough to end things before a second date ever gets started.
30. The ex of the other person came back into the picture between your first and second date. It is easier to tell you that they felt no chemistry, instead of telling you the truth. With that said, if the communication is happening right in front of the newly returned partner/formerly ex, it would make sense for the person to completely downplay any chemistry that might have actually existed. There is nothing quite like seeing the person you like dating others to light a fire of motivation to aggressively pursue (whether out of jealousy, or a legitimate belief that they should be together).
31. Off Limits. After a great first date, the person comes to identify you as an “Off-Limits” person. This means that they came to realize that you were someone they never should have had a first date with, or they already had such a hesitation, gave into temptation, but afterwards came to their senses not to pursue you any further. Perhaps you are a co-worker and they do not want to complicate anything by putting their careers in jeopardy if things go really bad. Perhaps they realize that they were romantically involved in the past with one of your friends or a family member (or vice-versa), and would rather follow a rule of non-fraternization. Putting someone in the “Off Limits” category is about avoiding dating someone who, for reasons that have nothing to do how you feel about the person, could complicate other areas of their life.
32. Different stages in life. After a great first date the person goes home and recognizes that you are both at very different stages in life. For example: One of you wants the lifestyle that comes with retirement, while the other to seeks a lifestyle that is just starting out with a family or new career. A great first date can reveal the awesome potential you may have as a couple, but if your lifestyles are incompatible because of the different stages you may be at, those incompatibilities may be more than enough to end things before a second date ever gets started.
33. It’s about the kids. This reason lumps together all the cases having to do with having kids. Perhaps it is that one of you wants kids, and it comes up during the date that the other does not want, or cannot have kids. Perhaps is it a matter of one person never wanting to be a parent or step-parent, only to find out the other is a single parent already. It could be that one person is not interested in helping raise younger children, and the other person has younger children. It can be politically incorrect for anyone to claim they are skipping a second date, after a great first date, because of the issues surrounding having children. There is no fault, blame or judgments here. Just people that went on a date who are not compatible for a long-term involvement because the issues surrounding having kids will eventually end the involvement regardless of what a great start it had.
34. Incompatible pasts. Each day of our lives we all make choices, and with each choice we make there are consequences. We do not control what those consequences might be. Whether it is a series of choices that leads to having a criminal record, choices affecting your health today, choices about the education you opted for, or the job environments you had to work in, or choices in the people you have dated in the past, each of us has a past built on the choices we made, both good choices or bad choices. Not everyone you date will be able to handle or accept your past, just as you will not be able to handle the past of everyone you ever date. There is a difference between being non-judgmental about someone’s past, and getting romantically involved with someone with a past that you would not want to be associated with. When getting more serious beyond a first date, it is important that you are with someone that can fully accept your past. If someone does not accept your past, or you cannot accept theirs, then it is best to end it. Again, no fault, blame, or judgments here. Just people that went on a date but are not compatible for a long-term involvement.
35. Sexually incompatible. This is different from a person just being lousy at sex. The issue here is that you were not compatible. For example: If the other person was just looking for a one-night stand and you did not make the first move or give them a sign, it is not just an issue of not having sex, but an issue of having different sexual values. Perhaps there is nothing wrong with your love-making skills, but you just aren’t used to going at the pace as your lover, it does not mean you aren’t good, it just means that you are not seeking the same kind of touch. Some people like a really gentle touch, while others like it more rough. There is nothing wrong with either. Even if you had sex on the first date but the sex was not what the other person is used too, or hoped for, and there was no sign or discussion that you have similar sexual values as the other person, then a lack of sexual compatibility can be classified as a lack of sexual chemistry.
36. There actually is no chemistry. The date came across as just two good friends hanging out but nothing more. It is good to get along with your date, but if all you do is act like good buddies, it may not be enough to help generate attraction. And yes, even if you had sex on a first date, friends can experience casual sex together and enjoy their time together, but still lack the chemistry necessary to take it to the next level. So when someone tells you that they did not feel any chemistry, it is possible they are lying for any number of the reasons listed above, or maybe they are being rather truthful, in that they just did not feel what they needed to feel to see you as anything more than a friend (that they were willing to try having sex with).
Conclusion
Chances are, that in reading these stories from my years of coaching, you might see yourself in one of them, or even come up with a few more possible reasons on your own.
Regardless of the reason, you might just be better off without a person that would Ghost you to begin with.
You are not in control of others rejecting you. You are only in control of how you come across. If you are coming across in ways that unintentionally turn people off there are things you can do to change that. Just do not give up. Even with the odds against you, you can still find what you are looking for, as long as you are willing to put in the work. With that said if you continue to have no second dates, you may want to sign up and see a dating coach, before no second dates turns into no first dates either.
25 reasons you got ghosted dumped after a great first date
25 reasons you got ghosted dumped after a great first date
by Frank Kermit
by Frank Kermit
I recently came across a question about a particular dating dilemma. You go out on a first date that goes incredibly well. There is great music, mood, great talks, laughter, and physical contact including passionate kissing. Things are going so well that based on the way you are connecting, you both make plans for a second date. Then the next day, the person contacts you and says not interested and did not feel any chemistry. Why would anyone go through the motions of an entire first date as if they are interested, only to say in an impersonal communication the next day they did not feel any chemistry?
Actually, it could be a number of reasons. It really depends on the overall context. As a coach for dating and relationships, I have come across more than my fair share of reasons why people disappear after a great first date.
Actually, it could be a number of reasons. It really depends on the overall context. As a coach for dating and relationships, I have come across more than my fair share of reasons why people disappear after a great first date.
Here are some possibilities and reasons that come directly from my experience as a coach, working with people who have dumped someone after a great first date:
1-The date came across as just two good friends hanging out, but nothing more. It is good to get along with your date. But if all you do is act like good buddies without any sexual tension, then kissing may not be as passionate for the other person as it was for you.
2-The ex came back into the picture between your first and second date. It is easier to tell someone that they felt no chemistry, instead of telling you the truth. With that said, if the communication is happening right in front of the newly returned partner/formerly ex, it would make sense for the person to completely downplay any chemistry that might have actually existed.
3-The person was cheating (or attempting to cheat) but in the end decided against it and ended it before things got out of hand. In this vain of thought, if the person was actually trying to cheat and got caught (or almost caught), it would make sense to end it quickly before you turn stalker-like and send a series of messages that the cheater partner may come across. Hard to keep pursuing when someone tells you “no-chemistry”.
2-The ex came back into the picture between your first and second date. It is easier to tell someone that they felt no chemistry, instead of telling you the truth. With that said, if the communication is happening right in front of the newly returned partner/formerly ex, it would make sense for the person to completely downplay any chemistry that might have actually existed.
3-The person was cheating (or attempting to cheat) but in the end decided against it and ended it before things got out of hand. In this vain of thought, if the person was actually trying to cheat and got caught (or almost caught), it would make sense to end it quickly before you turn stalker-like and send a series of messages that the cheater partner may come across. Hard to keep pursuing when someone tells you “no-chemistry”.
When you are tired of being "just friends"
4-The person has a sexually transmitted infection (STI) and desires socializing, even limited physical touching, but cannot risk giving into the impulse to have sex, so the person cancels any potential future dates. Instead of wondering why someone broke your heart, you might actually consider being grateful that someone may have just spared you life without you knowing it. It is easier to dump a person than to expose themselves by revealing the true nature of their health status to a relative stranger.
5-The person was using you to pay for the meal and lavish date, or using you to get into a venue that you have access too. Once the person got what they wanted in exchange for a little compensation touching, they are moving on to the next target.
6-The person really liked you and intended to date you again, but felt their friends and or family would not approve of you so dumped you. The validation of friends and family approval is why some people will continue to end up perpetually single.
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7-Something you said/did on the date turned the other person right off but the person could not react in the moment (for example, during the date you made insulting jokes about a particular group of people and the person is related to someone of that group). So instead of acting in the moment and revealing private personal information, the person chose to act as if everything was OK to protect their privacy for the rest of the night to be safe.
8-Each person has emotional needs. If you did not satisfy the emotional needs of the person you dated they will have no motivation to date you again. Maybe you seriously violated the person’s emotional needs, or you simply did not address them and were neutral.
9. The person is a virgin (or very inexperienced) and does not know how to process intense emotions that comes after having a great first date and does not want to feel pressured into going on a second date. Not everyone is ready to experience the next level of intimacy that a second date may represent.
 Adult Male Virgin Book Cover |  Adult Male Virgin Advice mp3s |
10-The person is trying hard to date someone not their type BUT isn't willing to push through the next level of a second date. You weren’t the type they were normally attracted to, and they were looking to be open-minded for a first date, but just could not fake it enough to make a second date happen.
11-The person could have been triggered by a past trauma and just cannot date you. It has nothing to do with you personally. It could be that you remind the person of someone that hurt him or her; or it could be the feeling of connection and chemistry that triggered them; and associate those good feelings with a core hurt. It is easier to dump you than to deal with past trauma.
12-The person lied on the first date about something, and worries they will get found out. So you get dumped before you even have the chance to dump them later on when you find out the truth.
13. The other person was just looking for a one-night stand, but was waiting for you to make a move or give them a sign. When you did not, the person lost interest. If someone is just looking for a one-night-stand, they are not committed to anything they say in the moment, because the current moment is all that interests them. They were never interested in a second date. They just wanted sex that night, and when the moment passed, they aren’t interested in giving you another chance to waste time.
14-The person was a professional looking for you to pay money for companionship on an ongoing basis, but discovered through the process of the date that you were either not wealthy enough or not willing enough to accept such an arrangement. Rather than try to change your mind, or reveal their true intentions, they would rather focus on recruiting an easier client.
15-The person was seeing multiple people at the same time, and someone made the move before you did to earn a monogamous commitment and thus the person had to dump all other people he or she was dating.
dating multiple women
16-The person was running a bet or taking part in a contest with some friends, about who they could get to date them, or how many first dates the person could get, or how far they could get someone attached and wanting a second date. This one is cruel, but it does happen. You might have just been a target for someone else’s participation in a contest bet that had nothing to do with you.
17-The person was struggling and/or questioning their sexual orientation and decided to try to date someone like you to see what it would be like, to either prove, confirm or disprove something. Sometimes you are just someone else’s experiment while questioning.
 The Emotional Needs of Women |  The Emotional Needs of Men |
18-The person was hit with a crisis situation that required all of his or her focus and attention, and simply was not in a position to even entertain getting into a relationship much less date. A personal diagnosis, sickness of a family member, the death of a loved one, the loss of a job, and any other major sense of loss that a person would have to cope with. Tragedy can kill any feeling of chemistry that may have actually existed, and the person might rather set you free than to be honest and risk you wasting your time waiting for him or her. Tragedy changes people, and the person they become might not be a good dating partner for you in the future.
19-The person sensed that you generally have a good heart, and that they simply are not into you as much as you are into them. The person likes you a lot, but not as much as you liked them, so decided best to cut you loose before you get more attached and get really hurt. The person might be trying to be ethical after all, but has chosen a less than great way to do it.
20-The person looked you up on the Internet after the first date, and the searches revealed lots of information about you from your professional work profiles and on your social media. With the mystery gone, and perhaps finding out things about you and your worst moments and traits, it was a no-go from there. Maybe you a friends with someone that is an ex lover of theirs, or they do not like the social circles you keep.
The Step By Step Guide
21-The person was a people pleaser. Fear of conflict makes some people act completely agreeable during the first date, to the point of misleading you to think you actually stand a chance at a second date. They hide behind a polite façade to the point of aggressively going along in the moment with anything someone presents them with, to the point where they react with a backlash the next day with a rejection. Might be a good thing that you did not end up dating that person more than you did.
22-The person has incredibly low self-esteem and figures that you will eventually end it when you get to know them, so they dump you first, even though they actually want to date you. Better to dump you now instead of you abandoning them later and justifying their low self-esteem.
23-The person wants to play a mind-game with you to see if you will chase them. Some are legitimately interested in you, but the way they react to any attachment/attraction is to push you away really hard to see if you are going to “prove” yourself and chase them really hard. Some have no interest in you at all, but just love the attention you may shower them with by pushing you away and watching you chase them. Some of these people could be suffering from a mental illness of some kind, while others are just malicious. Either way, if someone pushes you away that much, maybe you should just accept it.
 coaching workbook |  coaching workbook |
24-The person is running scared. The person did not expect to like you so much and wasn’t ready for the potential connection that seemed to be developing, so they ran away from you using any excuse they could think of. (Run Forest Run!) Some people really have a fear of intimacy and you came across too good to be true.
25-Maybe the person really likes your company in the moment but does not see a long-term future. If someone is seeking out a serious long term partner, they may not want to spend their time with people who they are interested in, but do not believe will be there long term. Maybe the person really liked you and you read all the signs correctly. However, after the first date, it is possible the person reflected on their life goals and realized that they need to focus on dating people that have a serious long-term relationship candidacy and felt you did not qualify for that. Chances are, that in reading these stories from my years of coaching, you might see yourself in one of them, or even come up with a few more possible reasons on your own. You are not in control of others rejecting you. You are only in control of how you come across. If you are coming across in ways that unintentionally turn people off there are things you can do to change that. Just do not give up. Even with the odds against you, you can still find what you are looking for, as long as you are willing to put in the work.
online dating break up
You can’t choose
what stays and what fades
- Florence and the Machine
Bye Felipe
by Carrie Joyner
I’ll be honest. The trouble with love is that when you jump in, even if its half hearted and just on a free online dating site... you are still putting yourself out there-all jokes aside, you really are.
There is your picture/s the yesses and the no’s, the snap judgements. the elation of a match (if it’s one you really wanted) and the devastation if it’s a match that you accidentally swiped right on cause you were just on a swiping tear and meant to swipe left (trust me, it feels bad ignoring those guys, it feels mean).
Then you just feel bad not answering back to some people you just realize there is no connection with. There is seeing your exes on there that you can’t swipe left fast enough on...and then you see someone that you are like...hmmm....maybe, wait...yes.
That right swipe meant a lot to me those days. (The right swipes were no longer just handed out for thrills...I just wanted it to be a good match.)
So, Felipe and I (not his real name) matched. We chatted for about a month, which is unheard of on Tinder, even though most of our chatting was done on text or email after the first 2 days.
by Carrie Joyner
I’ll be honest. The trouble with love is that when you jump in, even if its half hearted and just on a free online dating site... you are still putting yourself out there-all jokes aside, you really are.
There is your picture/s the yesses and the no’s, the snap judgements. the elation of a match (if it’s one you really wanted) and the devastation if it’s a match that you accidentally swiped right on cause you were just on a swiping tear and meant to swipe left (trust me, it feels bad ignoring those guys, it feels mean).
Then you just feel bad not answering back to some people you just realize there is no connection with. There is seeing your exes on there that you can’t swipe left fast enough on...and then you see someone that you are like...hmmm....maybe, wait...yes.
That right swipe meant a lot to me those days. (The right swipes were no longer just handed out for thrills...I just wanted it to be a good match.)
So, Felipe and I (not his real name) matched. We chatted for about a month, which is unheard of on Tinder, even though most of our chatting was done on text or email after the first 2 days.
first date tips
He and I both have kids and tight schedules, so I found a hole in my schedule and asked him to meet me an hour and a half before my friend was supposed to show up for dinner at a restaurant. He quickly accepted.
When I met him, he was waiting at the table on the terrace where we had agreed to meet... just as he had promised, tall, handsome and well, attractive. We sat down, had a drink together, a great
conversation....it seemed perfect.
Then my friend arrived, sat down, we all chatted politely together for a minute and soon he politely stepped away and said good bye. I hugged him inside and thanked him for a nice date- no kiss on the lips...he just wanted to know when we could see each other again.
Tuesday made sense at the time so we set the date on the spot.
Everything seemed to be going well, but when Tuesday rolled around and I had a huge presentation to prepare for the next morning, I thought he would be really upset if I cancelled.
Quite the opposite- and this is where the red flags should have started going off. “Whatever I needed would work”...”No pressure”.
I thought I met the perfect man, what a chill date.
Wrong.
When I met him, he was waiting at the table on the terrace where we had agreed to meet... just as he had promised, tall, handsome and well, attractive. We sat down, had a drink together, a great
conversation....it seemed perfect.
Then my friend arrived, sat down, we all chatted politely together for a minute and soon he politely stepped away and said good bye. I hugged him inside and thanked him for a nice date- no kiss on the lips...he just wanted to know when we could see each other again.
Tuesday made sense at the time so we set the date on the spot.
Everything seemed to be going well, but when Tuesday rolled around and I had a huge presentation to prepare for the next morning, I thought he would be really upset if I cancelled.
Quite the opposite- and this is where the red flags should have started going off. “Whatever I needed would work”...”No pressure”.
I thought I met the perfect man, what a chill date.
Wrong.
first date tips
Cut to us seeing each other for 5 weeks straight, I told him I got off Tinder (hint hint) and he just kind of swerves around that and asks when we are seeing each other again. (Red flag 2)
The last time we saw each other was probably the best time, so what came next was a bit of a shock. A private facebook message from a friend came in who asked if I was still dating Felipe. I said, no, I don’t think so seeing as I haven’t really heard much from him since the night my dog was dying/died a few days ago.
She said “oh, good”.
I asked why? Did she mean because his teeth weren’t perfect? (She was my friend who met me the night he and I first met the first time).
No! She said. He has been chatting/messaging one of her friends since a few days after he and I met. They are planning on meeting up soon.
WOW.
Now not to get into specifics, but when I tell a guy I got off a dating site, it’s because I consider us as dating/exclusive.
Clearly this was not the case here.
ethical non-monogamy
I get that dating on modern dating sites can be a grey area.
However, when you are with someone for over a month, should there not be a mention of the fact that you are just one of possibly many?
Then I started being thankful that he knew little/if nothing of my family, had never met my son...I had never met his family.
Sometimes, the lord works in mysterious ways.
This Thanks Giving, I know what I am grateful for.
Honest relationships, true friendships and family.
As for the rest....BYE, Felipe!
-Carrie Joyner
 Carrie Joyner | About The Author Carrie Joyner is a regular contributor to the FrankTalks.com/Blog To Read Her Last Post: http://www.franktalks.com/blog/swiping-right-on-tinder-jumping-in-to-online-dating |
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Seeing Ghosts: Ghosting and Online Dating
Seeing Ghosts (the online Houdini’s are everywhere on Tinder)
By Carrie Joyner
The first time I heard the expression “ghosting” was when I was driving in the car, listening to a celebrity report on the radio about a famous couple where they said “rumors are that so and so has just been ghosted by so and so”.
I remember thinking to myself “what the hell does that mean?”
After a quick Urban Dictionary search (my go-to site for finding out what things like BBW, FWB and BBG mean and the likes), here is what I found:
Top Definition
Ghosting:
The act of suddenly ceasing all communication with someone the subject is dating, but no longer wishes to date. This is done in hopes that the ghostee will just "get the hint" and leave the subject alone, as opposed to the subject simply telling them he/she is no longer interested. Ghosting is not specific to a certain gender and is closely related to the subject's maturity and communication skills.
Many attempt to justify ghosting as a way to cease dating the ghostee without hurting their feelings, but it in fact proves the subject is thinking more of themselves, as ghosting often creates more confusion for the ghostee than if the subject kindly stated how he/she feels.
Example:
Carmen: How was your second date with Kyle?
Beth: I thought it went well, but I've texted him a couple of times since then and he's been ghosting me.
Carmen: What? I thought he was more mature than that.
#ignore #ignoring #igging #avoid #avoiding #ghosting #ghost
I feel you, Beth.
When it comes to the wonderful world of Tinder, there are certain things that you just can’t explain and really leave you scratching your head in the “ WTH just happened there?” kind of way.
I am talking about conversations, however long or short, where the person just drops off the face of the Tinderverse.
Their profiles are still active, sometimes they don’t even bother unmatching you- they just don’t want to communicate anymore.
If the definition really means actually going on a date with someone and then just never hearing from them again, this applies to me, as well.
The first 3 in-person Tinder dates seemed to go really well.
They were sexy men, could hold a conversation, there seemed to
be chemistry...but at the end of each of those dates came a request to come back to my place.
Not really my style,
so I would playfully decline and then POOF.
They were gone.
One of them went to the bathroom after the bill was paid and didn’t even bother to say goodbye. He texted me right after saying he thought I had left, so he left.
Who does that?
Then he asked to see me again,
I said sure (he was a 10 hot)...
giving him the benefit of the doubt,
and then he “ghosted”.
Why go to the trouble of asking for a second date if there was never any intention on actually setting one up?
Trying to navigate the online dating (or arguably- the online hook up) world is at times confusing, tedious and well, to be brutally honest, hurtful.
There must be some sort
of Tinder behavior code, memo or manual
that I never got to read.
I can’t tell you how many hot guys
I have matched with who
a.) never bothered to say anything,
or
b.) say something super basic and then once they get a reply
...ghost.
My favorite one was a guy who asked to connect on messenger, asked me if I wanted to go over to his place for wine and a massage, asked me for a full body pic, and when I said he could just go check on Facebook, he said “the fact that you won’t send me one proves my point”.
I responded “the fact that you want our first date to be at your place, involve being naked contingent on seeing my full body pic, proves mine!”
At least after I said “Good luck and BYE!”
I got a reply...it was this: “CYA”. Perfect.
That is not a ghost, just a jerk.
The light at the end of my tunnel (no pun intended) is that for the past few weeks I have been seeing and really falling for a Tinder dude. He was walking up to my place yesterday and I actually got butterflies for the first time in a long time. We will see where it goes, but I am hoping he doesn’t one day just turn into a ghost, too.
-Carrie Joyner
 Author, Carrie Joyner | About The Author Carrie Joyner is a regular contributor to the FrankTalks.com/Blog To Read Her Last Post: http://www.franktalks.com/blog/swiping-right-on-tinder-jumping-in-to-online-dating |
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Frank Kermit on CJLO.com radio 1690 AM
Frank Kermit makes his first appearance on the radio program
Dr. Lizard and Deer Abby
to talk about Online Dating
and the Dating App Hater Dater
on
http://www.CJLO.com
(Tune in Live Online)
CJLO 1690 AM radio
Date: Wednesday July 26
Topic: Online Dating
Updated on March 1, 2018
10 Tips for Online Dating by Frank Kermit
10 Online Dating Tips
By Frank Kermit
Online (Cyber) dating can be challenging. Dating unto itself is a challenge. Meeting someone new that you have to get to know. Allowing them to get to know you. Finding out where you are, and are not compatible. It is not always a fun process for some people. Add to that mix having to meet through technology, where a person’s interpretations of communication get muddled, and dating can sometimes be unpleasant.
I could write a book of advice on online dating, and I likely will one day. In the meanwhile, here are some quick tips for online dating that I share with my coaching clients to keep online dating as positive as possible.
| Tip # 1 Meet In Person Sooner Than Later My personal rule is to meet someone face to face within 7 days from first message from sites that allow for longer profiles. For Dating sites/apps that are mostly photo based with little written profiles, you have to meet even sooner, never letting it get past 24 to 48 hours. Even if the person you met online lives too far away from you to meet in person, use technologies that allow you to have a face-to-face conversation (and I do mean seeing each other’s faces). |  25 Rules for Everyone: How To Act on First Dates |
There are many people that just like the attention that being on online dating sites affords them, and they have no actual interest in ever dating someone, so by following this tip you avoid having weeks (or months) of your time wasted by someone that never actually wants to date you. (Yes, attention mongers lurk on online dating sites). Also, there are stories of people posing as the opposite gender online that are either just having fun, or doing research on online dating practices. There are fake profiles designed to get people to sign up to online dating sites, but who have marketing teams behind them, not an actual interested person. In fact there are some dating services that will communicate on behalf of a client to arrange a date, so unless you see the person face to face to match up the voice with the face, it is possible that you are not even talking with the person you think wants to date you.
Live In A Way To Avoid Catfish Tip # 2 Never Send Anyone Money
This may seem obvious, however it is important to keep in mind that professional “catfish” are very well trained and skilled in the art of manipulation. They fester online trying to get someone attached to an online dating profile. By using attractive profile pictures, and carefully worded texts in the profile description and other written communication (emails/texts), they achieve their goals to make their targets feel an emotional attachment. And when they feel the attachment is strong enough, they create a “crisis” moment where they require you to send them money to help them out. At that point, they have been actively studying every bit of your communication to see what kind of crisis you would most likely respond too. For example, if you mentioned that you suffered a death of someone close to you (death of a spouse or sibling), a crisis you may be presented with could be the person saying someone close to him or her has died, and they need money for the funeral or to pay off the dead person’s debts in order to claim the body. There is a very real science behind what these “catfish” manipulators use in order to properly target vulnerable people to get them attached to the person they THINK is on the other end of that profile. No matter the crisis, never send anyone money during “an online relationship.” BTW, this also means never send someone your credit card number, regardless of the reasons they state (such as, “prove you are a real person, send me your credit card number so I can check”), no electronic payment services, no loans, no investment opportunities, no gift cards…you hopefully get the idea.
Note: The origin of the term “catfish” comes from the movie Catfish (2010). It is a story about a man named Nev Schulman who travels to America to meet a young woman that he fell in love with over social media, only to meet her in person and to find out she is older and married and nothing like her online profile. In the movie, the husband tells the story of how catfish were put in with the live codfish for long oversea travels in order to keep the cod fish swimming and moving, so that codfish would be a better quality meat. The catfish would nip the tails the codfish and keep the codfish active. The deceptive wife in the movie is compared to the catfish because her life would be dull and boring (like unhealthy codfish meat), if she did not have someone “nipping at her tail fin”.
Know if You are In A Relationship Tip # 3 It Is Not a Relationship Until You Meet In Person
This is a tip that some of my coaching clients have found very upsetting. The idea that if you are interacting through texts, emails, phone calls, and even face to face technologies (ie. skype, facetime, etc…) it is still not considered a relationship. Sometimes the chemistry and connection that people feel through technology can make people believe that what they are experiencing is a real relationship. The feelings may be real, but the relationship is not (ok, go back and read that line again, as I know some of you may have to ponder that one a bit). Just because you feel something for someone, does not make what you have with that person a committed relationship. Relationships come with commitment (such as the expectation of not talking to anyone else online), but commitments are to be earned, not expected. It is unreasonable to assume anything has been earned when you have yet to meet a person face to face in the real world. (There is a lot more I could say on this topic, however it is best that we table this for now and move on to the next tip).
Learn HOW To Say It On a First Date Tip # 4 Keep Your Own Online Dating Profile Honest
The new buzzword in online dating is “Kitten Fish”. The term means to make yourself out online to be very different from how you actually are in real life. The biggest culprit of “Kitten Fishing” is using good photos of yourself from the past that do not at all match how you look at the moment. It is important to present your best self in an online profile, but it is wrong to misrepresent yourself. Be honest in your profile. If you are only interested in casual dating, do not say you are looking for something serious because you think it makes you look like a better person. If you work in the mailroom of a prestigious company, do not try to pass yourself off as a partner in the business. If you have taken less than a handful of night courses at the local college or university, do not try to pass yourself off as a graduate. Kitten Fishing might get your more attention, even a few first dates that end quickly, but only someone Kitten Fishing as much as you did MIGHT want to give a second chance, but honestly, would you want to date a kitten fish yourself? Right. (Remember my point earlier about attention mongers who lurk online?)
Know Your Boundaries Tip # 5 Focus on Your Boundaries (Must Haves), Not Preferences
One of the best ways to approach online dating is to use it as an efficient filter. Let’s say you normally have to go on about 9 lousy or semi-decent first dates in order to find a 10th person that you would actually like to have a second date with. (Don’t let the numbers scare you OK? Just play along). There are reasons those 9 first dates did not work out. What makes online dating profiles so efficient is that you can communicate all of your “Must Haves” (your boundaries) that you are looking for in someone that you would like to date more than once, and because of that eliminate having to experience those 9 actual dates, and just focus on every 10th date. If you take this approach, you will likely get less attention, but the attention do you get will be quality. (Remember what I said about attention mongers?) Preferences are things that you would like your date to have, but they are not necessary. If they are not necessary DO NOT LIST THEM. People reading your online profiles might mistake your preferences, as must-haves and might reject you before you ever get the chance to meet them in person. For example, if you have lung issues and cannot date a smoker, say so because it is a boundary. If you would prefer not to date a smoker but you wouldn’t mind it too much either, then do not mention it at all.
Sex Guide For Male Virgins Tip # 6 Know Your Sex-On-A-Date Rules
I am often asked if someone should have sex on a first date when meeting online. My answer is it depends if you are already comfortable having sex after any first date. No judgments here. The key to sex and online dating is about finding someone that has compatible sexual values as you do. If you are comfortable with sex on a first date and the person you have sex with judges you for it, it is disappointing, but you probably would not want to keep dating that person anyway. If you are not comfortable with sex on first dates, communicate that, and PLEASE stick to your rules about sex whatever they may be. If you want someone to question whether or not they can trust you for things to get more serious, start breaking your own rules on a date like having sex when you initially said you were not going too. In fact, one of the most hypocritical things you can do is have rules about not having sex on a first date, when you already regularly take part in anonymous one-night stands. If you do connect with someone and date them for any length of time, you will likely share with them your values when it comes to sex (and how quickly you engage in sexual activity). If you behave in a way that is counter your actual sexual values when first dating, at best you might come across as manipulative. At worse, you could attract and end up in a relationship with someone that has the opposite sexual values you do. Can you say, “Things are likely to end badly here”?
Stop Being Creepy And Not Know It Tip # 7 Look for Contradictions In the Profile of Others
When looking at the online profiles of others, something I coach my clients to do is to be on the look out for contradictions within an online dating profile. Those contradictions can be very telling about the kind of person you might end up dating and can help you decide if you should even bother. If one part of the profile contradicts another part of the profile, it is a warning sign. For example, if someone writes in their profile their family (their kids) is very important to them, but when it comes to listing 5 things they cannot live without, they do not list their kids in those top 5, that could be a warning sign. If someone talks about how easy going they are, but then talks about how they have rules about how a first date needs to happen in a fancy restaurant with certain high-end criteria, that could be a warning sign. If someone describes themselves as open-minded, but goes on in the profile about the kinds of people they hate, that could be a warning sign. Some profiles are so filled with contradictions (“I like to go out a lot but I also like to stay home”) that it makes a person wonder if you are dealing with a people pleaser, or someone that is so afraid to be honest about what they want, that they play it too safe by being on the fence. Just keep in mind that contradictions could be a big warning and at the very least are conversation topics to be covered on a first date if you make it that far.
Be A Man, Be Proud Tip # 8 Use A Decent Photo
A good photo can change how much attention your online profile will get. I was presented with a study by a match making site that describes which profile photos get the most attention to your profile. Women may be encouraged to smile more, look happy, and show cleavage. Men may be encouraged display their pride (stand tall, chest out, appear confident), regardless of how happy they looked. Both may be encouraged include photos of them having fun, and having a profile shot focusing on the left side. That is what the data shows. However, the main thing is to use a CURRENT photo (see the tip on Kitten Fish above). My personal suggestion is not to use photos with your ex (still not over it eh?) no matter how hot your ex was, and not to use professionally photographed or touched-up portraits. Yes, you want to be your best online self, but the dating world wants your best-realistic self too. Also, if you use a photo that is slightly less flattering than your actual looking self, then when someone wants to meet you, it makes the first meeting much more of a pleasant surprise. Nice way to start a date.
Be A Better Date, Attract A Better Date, Get Coaching Tip # 9 Be Realistic About Who You Can Attract
One of the biggest misconceptions I have to dispel amongst my client base is how some of them assume that just because they are going to try online dating that they can now raise their standards ridiculously higher. It is good to have standards (see my tip above about boundaries). However, having very high standards when dating online does not matter if you would not be able to attract such a person in real life. This is not about fulfilling your unmet fantasy. This is about finding a real person, who is a real human being, with some of the good qualities a human being can have, and having some of the not-so good qualities that a human being can struggle with. If you are holding out for perfection, you will be just as lonely dating online as you currently are dating in real life. And if you legitimately do want to find a better partner for yourself, the best place to start is to work on yourself to become a better dating candidate partner first. There are times where I have coached people for 3 months before they attempt another date, so that when they do get that next first date, the challenge isn’t trying to get a great person to like you; the mission is about you getting to screen how great the other person is that you like. See the difference?
Tip # 10 Learn To Love Online Dating
The worst thing you can do is approach online dating with a terrible attitude about it. It will come through in your communication (from your profile, choice of photos, texts, emails and if you make it far enough phone calls and first dates). People, who seek out to sabotage themselves in online dating, will kill every chance they get to meet someone who is a decent candidate.
They are the easiest for manipulators to target online.
Those with negative attitudes tend to fall for the fake profiles the most, because fake profiles promise the impossible: an ideal fantasy of the perfect match. It is not enough to be willing to try online dating. You have to take pride in the fact that you are putting yourself out there. You have to be proud that you want to date. Yes, it means you have to screen through fakers and manipulators (just like in real life). Yes, it means you have to put yourself out there and make yourself a little vulnerable (just like in real life). Yes, you may have to go through a numbers game (just like in real life). Yes, you may have to make the first move if you aren’t getting any attention (just like in real life). Yes, you have to take some precautions for safety (just like in real life). Yes, you may have to make building a love life a priority and put in lots of time (just like in real life). Stop whining. Stop complaining. Stop Self-Shaming. It is what it is. Learn to love it. Own it. Make it yours, just like you would any other great opportunity in life that you have to work at.
A good solid profile, a great attitude towards meeting new people, and the willingness to take action can make online dating a great way to meet new people, if you are prepared to make the most of your online time together.
-Frank Kermit
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Swiping Right On Tinder: Online Dating
Swiping Right
by Carrie Joyner
I always figured the next love of my life would happen organically.
After 2 years of taking a break from the soul sucking world of online dating, I decided to jump back in because the old fashioned way of meeting men just wasn’t happening.
Not the right ones, anyhow.
The romantic notion of meeting Mr. Right in the frozen food aisle at the grocery store went out the window a long time ago since Steve Jobs put iphones in 90% of the populations hands.
Human interaction is scarce these days.
Eye contact is nothing short of a miracle.
People would rather Snap Chat themselves with cartoon eyes and dog noses.
-I don’t get it.
-I don’t want to get it.
I didn’t go hungry the past two years, don’t get me wrong.
I just needed to kick start the process and increase the odds of landing a dream partner before I start thinking about getting a few cats and spending every night binge watching Million Dollar Listing and fantasizing about a career in high profit real estate.
Putting yourself out there lends to some pretty deep self-analysis by being part of that online, fast food style relationship world.
Don’t get me wrong, there are good men out there…but you have to cut through a lot of weeds to find a good one.
With my iphone machete in hand, I began hacking away.
Vessel of choice: Tinder
Sign Up For Frank Coaching Jumping Back Into Dating
I am tired of paying for the chance to meet someone who could ultimately end up wasting years of my life.
I spent the better part of 2 years in 3 useless relationships because of that.
Recently divorced and feeling the clock ticking in the last few years of my 30’s, I dropped the bar…forget raising it…and settled with three different men for the sake of being in a relationship.
Mild levels of attraction led to a lot of time being complacent, at times anxiety-inducing and ultimately unfulfilling relationships.
One was crazy, one was a jerk and one was just too nice.
 Stop Acting Crazy, And Learn To Be Charming And Charismatic |  Is She Dating A Jerk? |  Seduction Guide For Nice Guys |
I just signed up two weeks ago, so about 50 matches later, 4 disappointing actual dates, I am taking a deep breath and getting ready for week three.
The latest date was probably the strangest.
A hot pilot who had been texting with me for about 24 hours before I found a hole in my schedule and asked him if he was free.
He was, we set up a time and place to meet for a drink.
He arrived 30 minutes late because he was stuck in traffic and took about ten minutes to establish consistent eye contact with me.
This is where all that self analysis kicks in.
The reality is that I am sitting in front of a total stranger.
Discover The New Rules Of Dating
I don’t know if he has issues.
I don’t know his back story
or what really happened in his last relationships,
or how hurt he had been in the past.
The questions float around my head incessantly.
-Is he not focusing because he is nervous?
-Am I too good looking for him?
-Am I not good looking enough?
I finally hooked him in a topic that he was semi-passionate about and I had my eye contact at last.
He didn’t want to leave,
but I have to cut these things short unless there are fireworks.
Plus, my dog needed a walk.
He texted me after to make sure I got home safely, which was thoughtful.
He asked if he could see me again
and I said yes,
because maybe that first encounter
was just scratching the surface.
I haven’t heard back from him all weekend
and I am not going to reach out first
…I am old school like that.
Online dating is not how I imagined meeting my next boyfriend and hopefully husband, but it is the easiest way to start connecting to total strangers, some with good intentions, others not so much.
It takes time, energy, thick skin and courage of steel
to not cancel dates
that seem like a good idea while couch surfing with chardonnay.
Total exposure.
But I guess you can’t win the lottery without buying a ticket,
so let the games begin!
-Carrie Joyner
 Carrie Joyner, Writer | About The Author Carrie Joyner is a regular contributor to the FrankTalks.com/Blog To Read Her Last Post: http://www.franktalks.com/blog/the-power-of-the-yoga-community-and-the-drive-by-divorce |
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