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To Belly Dance Or Not To Belly Dance
Written by: Pillow Talk Gal
Updated February 28, 2018
When I was asked if I wanted to take part in a belly dancing class and write an article about it, I was really excited. Then, the more I thought about it the more I began to worry a little. I have never really attended any kind of dance class (if you don’t count when I was little) so belly dancing seemed like a bit of a leap. I have to admit though; I was curious and nervous at the same time.
The day of my first class had finally arrived and my excitement/curiosity had made me almost an hour early. At least parking was a breeze (I found a spot literally in front of the building). I had some extra time to kill, so I decided to sit in the park right across from the dance studio. Despite the honking of cars and bustle of the city, it was very relaxing and helped to calm my nerves a little bit.
An introduction to the rest of my fellow dancers was given and everyone was gracious and friendly towards me (the new comer). Students had the option to bring their own hip scarves or to choose one from Brooke’s wide, not to mention beautiful, collection. Not having any of my own, I chose one of Brookes’ (I would later find out that she’s owned this particular hip scarf for 8 years- no pressure).
Once everyone was ready to begin, we all took our seats on our mats and Brooke began her introduction to what holistic belly dancing is all about.
The class was a safe space where women could share their thoughts and emotions without judgement. After Brookes’ explanations, we all sat in our circle and experienced the openness of touch with one another.
We all paired up and gave our partners hand massages using essentials oils (this exercise is practiced openly to learn to relax and give of ourselves but also to receive from others.
We were given a small demonstration as to how to massage the hand then we were off (of course it is clearly mentioned by Brooke that any and all activities done in the classroom are not forced upon students and anytime anyone is not comfortable with something, they are free to sit out with no judgement or issues). This said, I sat back and allowed my partner to give me my hand massage.
At first, I was clearly not relaxed as my partner was so keenly able to detect (by simply feeling how tense my forearm was). Then as she calmly told me to relax and enjoy, I found myself surrendering to the calming music playing in the background and found that my massage was actually very pleasant.
I found myself letting go of my tension and just giving into the moment.
Once we had given and received our hand massages, we gathered in our circle once more and captured what we had taken away from the experience, in our journals.
The group then proceeded to share their thoughts on the massage exercise and what they had taken away from the experience. I myself shared how impressed I was with my partner’s ability to almost immediately detect where I was holding all my tension in my forearm (carpal tunnel syndrome- a common job hazard among writers) and therefore she was able to relieve some of the pain.
Poses and stances were front and center and I awoke muscles my body seemed to have forgotten I had.
We observed ourselves in the studio mirrors so as to mimic what Brooke was showing us (to the best of our abilities).
Brooke gave us a phenomenal example of what we could eventually accomplish with these wonderful moves and she performed for the entire class.
It inspired us all and definitely made me want to give it a whirl.
The amazing part is by this time I wasn’t feeling self conscience at all. I was totally comfortable in the environment that Brooke had created for the class.
We all moved to the music, holding our belly dance poses and receiving encouragement from each other and Brooke.
The aspect that surprised me the most is that as a woman, I have spent the better part of my life trying to make my body giggle as little as possible.
Now, I was being encouraged to shake all my little bits as much as I could and it was fabulous! No shame, just pure liberation and enjoyment of the female form in all its glory.
As we danced and learned how to move our bodies, time seemed to just fly by. Before I knew it, the class had come to an end and it was time to cool down. Brooke gave each and every one individual high-fives and congratulations on a job well done. It was such a rewarding experience.
I am so looking forward to next week’s class.
-Pillow Talk Gal
About Pillow Talk Gal
Born and raised in British Columbia, she is a professional woman managing a career, marriage, and a teenager. Life can be challenging at times but she's a firm believer that everything in life happens for a reason, and more often than not, she tries to understand those reasons.
"Join me in my journey throughout life’s issues and I guarantee you’ll be left pondering an issue or two." - Pillow Talk Gal
*Disclaimer: All photos of Brooke Megan are copyright Brooke Megan and all persons in the photos retain all their rights, interest and titles in the photos. All photos appear here with written permission on file with Brooke Megan.
About Brooke Megan and House of Lavender
- Holistic Belly Dance Group
Located at: 5582A Sherbrooke Street O, Montreal, QC H4A 1W3
Telephone number: 514-814-7557
Face book page: House of Lavender: Beauty and Wellness
Brooke Megan has been teaching belly dancing for 8 years and has extensive experience in dance through her teaching at Carlton University in Ottawa.
She herself was introduced to belly dancing through group lessons and was compelled to share this wonderful art form with others. She has performed at the Shenkman Art Centre in Ottawa, various art galleries and cafes. Her goal in offering belly dance lessons is to educate people with regards to the beauty and strength of exotic dance. She wants to have people experience this art form at a grass roots level.
Her six week program is open to all who wish to explore their creative side all the while relieving stress and getting fit.
For more information call 514-814-7557 or check out her Face book page: House of Lavender: Beauty and Wellness
Some personalized birthday ideas are explored in this contributed post.
I always try to make sure I plan to perfect birthday for my husband. I know that many of my readers also have partners, and so I wanted to release an article that gives you some great ideas. If you struggle to organise the celebrations for your loved one, you can use this post as inspiration. At the end of the day, you just need to show them that you care. You also need to make them feel special for that one day out of the year. Don’t worry if you haven’t got a lot of money to spend at the moment. A happy birthday isn’t about how much cash you throw at it, and there are always ways in which you can make savings.
Search for quirky gifts
Regardless of how much you can afford to spend, you’ll want to get your partner something different for their birthday. When all’s said and done, they have cash of their own. So, if they wanted anything from a high street shop, they’d probably go out and buy it. The experts behind Cuckooland's gifts for men say there are more quirky and unique product sites than ever before. So, you need to turn to the internet to find something interesting. You always find better prices online, and there is no reason to spend a fortune. Just select something that he probably hasn’t seen before.
Cook his favourite meal
Everyone likes to eat a decent meal on their birthday. So, you should remember your partner’s favourite dish and prepare it for his big day. You can also make some cookies or some other dessert he’ll love. Make a list of ingredients a couple of days in advance, so you have enough time to get them from your local store. You can then sit down and eat together during the early evening. You could also give him his gifts at the same time if you have children. They way, they can enjoy him opening the presents too. If you give them to your loved one in the morning, the kids might miss out because they have to go to school.
Spend time together
Lastly, I advise that whatever happens, you spend some time together. That could mean going out for a few drinks or staying home and cuddling on the sofa. In truth, it doesn’t matter how you spend your time so long as you’re by your partner’s side. When all’s said and done, there are only a few days each year in which you have to make each other feel special. So, plan something that will allow you to achieve that goal. Again, if you have children, you should think about involving them in any activities you organise.
As you can see from that advice, you don’t have to work hard to plan the perfect birthday. You just have to make sure you have some time together. Your partner isn’t going to care about gold Rolex watches or anything expensive. If they love you, they’ll feel happy just being in your company. One last thing; make sure both of you book the day off work. You deserve to take a break on such an important date.
Le retour des séducteurs
par François Guérard
Dans l’art de la séduction, l’homme québécois ne serait pas de taille à rivaliser avec le Français, l’Italien, l’Espagnol, ou le Belge. Qu’à cela ne tienne, des gourous de la drague viennent à son secours. Notre journaliste a fait enquête.
Ce soir, le petit bar du Plateau-Mont-Royal est interdit aux femmes. L’écriteau sur la porte indique «Fermé». Sous une lumière orange, une société secrète de séducteurs tient réunion. Une trentaine de gars, ayant entre 20 et 45 ans, discutent en anglais, assis en rond. Ils sont francophones et anglophones, de toutes origines ethniques. À tour de rôle, ils exposent un problème ou décrivent une rencontre dans un café, un flirt sur la piste de danse. Les autres analysent et dissèquent. Le grand timide assis à ma droite note frénétiquement tous les trucs de drague dans son calepin. Les gars cachent leur identité derrière des pseudonymes: Buddha, Jetset, Vic 20, Cowboy. Moi aussi, je dissimule la mienne. Personne ne sait que je suis journaliste. Et c’est mon tour de parler.
Les membres du Montreal Seduction Lair (le repaire des séducteurs de Montréal) ont brisé le tabou. Ils interprètent les détails d’un flirt avec une minutie toute féminine. Comme le feraient de bonnes amies autour d’un thé vert. «Combien de temps devrais-je attendre avant de répondre à son courriel?» «Que devrais-je lui écrire?» «J’ai ramené une fille chez moi la nuit dernière, mais nous n’avons pas fait l’amour. Qu’ai-je fait de mal?» C’est le genre de questions qu’ils posent.
La consultante en séduction Marie-France Archibald fait de bonnes affaires en offrant des cours privés de drague aux hommes de la région de Montréal. Pour un tarif moyen de 95 dollars l’heure, la jeune femme prépare ses clients à affronter différentes situations: aborder une femme dans un bar, un flirt au bureau, une sortie au théâtre. Les clients peuvent aussi profiter des services d’une styliste pour refaire leur garde-robe et d’un photographe professionnel, histoire de mieux paraître dans les sites Web de rencontre.
L’homme qui s’assoit seul au bar et attend qu’on le courtise pourrait être déçu. Car à peine 7% des Québécoises croient que c’est à elles de faire les premiers pas, révèle un sondage CROP commandé par L’actualité. Elles sont 34% à penser que l’homme doit faire les avances, et 54% estiment que cela n’a aucune importance. Fait étonnant, les jeunes de 18 à 34 ans (hommes et femmes) sont les plus conservateurs. Près de la moitié — 43% — confient la tâche de draguer à l’homme.
Michel Dorais, lui, va dans le sens du «plutôt mauvais». Le Québécois n’est pas de taille devant le Français, l’Italien, l’Espagnol et le Belge, dit-il. Car le flirt est un jeu qui se pratique beaucoup en Europe et très peu de ce côté-ci de l’Atlantique. Le sociologue se promenait récemment dans les rues de Namur, en Belgique, aux côtés d’une séduisante collègue. «Cinq ou six passants se sont arrêtés pour la complimenter sur sa beauté. Chaque fois, elle répondait: “Merci.” On ne voit jamais ça au Québec!»
On peut trouver des éléments de réponse dans la culture, dit Michel Dorais. «Au Québec, la notion de charme appartient à l’espace féminin, alors qu’en Europe l’image du séducteur masculin est très présente.» Giacomo Casanova, l’aventurier qui sévissait dans les cours européennes au 18e siècle, et les personnages fictifs de Don Juan et de Cyrano de Bergerac envoûtent les femmes par la parole. L’aspect physique importe peu. Ce sont le raffinement et la poésie des mots qui font fondre les cœurs. Ce modèle n’existe pas dans la psyché collective des Québécois, dit le sociologue. Le grand séducteur s’incarne dans deux personnages de la littérature du terroir: le Survenant, héros du roman éponyme, et Ovila Pronovost, le mari d’Émilie dans Les filles de Caleb. Ce sont des hommes mystérieux, grands, musclés, la plupart du temps absents. «La seule présence de leur corps suffit à séduire», dit Michel Dorais.
Les choses étaient plus faciles pour l’homme il y a 50 ans, lorsque les rôles sexuels étaient clairement définis. Le samedi soir, l’homme ne sortait jamais sans son veston, sa cravate et son chapeau. C’était lui le chef. Il invitait la femme à la salle de danse, il payait pour elle. Henri, un petit barbu énergique de 80 ans, se souvient des jeux de séduction dans le Montréal de l’après-guerre. Il travaillait alors comme machiniste dans la métropole. «Nous faisions la cour aux femmes. Il fallait leur ouvrir la portière de la voiture. Les complimenter sur leur habillement et leur coiffure. Leur faire sentir que c’étaient elles les reines de la soirée.» L’effort en valait la peine, puisque Henri, qui ne s’est jamais marié, a eu une soixantaine de maîtresses! «Pourtant, je n’étais pas le genre d’homme à faire tourner les têtes dans la rue», dit-il.
On pourrait croire qu’en 2007 la danse reste une activité propice au flirt. Danser la salsa, par exemple, c’est jouer à la séduction. Les corps se touchent, les regards plongent l’un dans l’autre. C’est l’homme qui guide. Au Salon Daomé, au pied du mont Royal, la proportion est de quatre hommes pour six femmes. Une vingtaine de jeunes filles sont assises sur des canapés le long des murs et attendent une invitation à danser. Corinne Morin, elle, ne manque pas de partenaires. Cette grande brune de 26 ans est sexy dans son chandail rouge moulant et elle se déhanche bien. Elle est venue seule. Pourtant, un homme serait mal avisé de lui demander son numéro de téléphone. Pas plus à elle qu’aux autres filles. «Je ne viens pas ici pour me faire draguer. Je viens pour danser», dit-elle, soufflant entre deux pièces musicales. «La plupart des filles, ici, n’aiment pas les hommes qui tentent de les séduire. Elles veulent pratiquer un sport, de façon amicale.»
Après un demi-siècle de féminisme, la femme est devenue un peu comme l’hiver québécois: lumineuse et froide. Elle brille, est sûre d’elle, intelligente, ouverte et fonceuse. Mais son assurance est une arme à double tranchant. Elle peut interpréter les avances d’un homme comme un manque de respect, une atteinte à son intimité. Elle réagit alors avec la froideur d’un iceberg.
Sylvain d’Auteuil, 39 ans, en a fait la dure expérience. Pour écrire Brad Pitt ou mourir (Les Intouchables) — roman dans lequel il raconte les difficultés d’un jeune père célibataire à trouver une nouvelle copine —, il s’est lancé, en 2005, dans un véritable rallye de la drague. Il a d’abord recruté trois hommes trentenaires en mettant une petite annonce dans un journal culturel de Saint-Sauveur. Pendant un mois, les quatre mousquetaires ont abordé des filles dans les bars, dans les boutiques, dans la rue, au supermarché. «On utilisait des techniques trouvées dans Internet», dit l’auteur. Dans la grande majorité des cas, ils se sont fait répondre par un soupir ou un regard glacial. Avec les femmes d’origine étrangère, cependant, c’était différent. «Elles répondaient à nos avances par un sourire. On pouvait même quelquefois entamer la conversation et obtenir leur numéro de téléphone.» Cette expérience lui a permis de trouver un excellent endroit pour draguer: la buanderie. Les femmes y sont souvent seules et s’ennuient en attendant la fin des cycles de séchage.
Marc Boilard, lui, croit avoir trouvé la solution pour désamorcer le mécanisme de défense des femmes. Je rencontre le gourou de 40 ans dans sa tanière, le Shed Café, resto-bar branché du boulevard Saint-Laurent. «Je viens souvent manger ici», dit-il en recevant un bol de soupe thaïe des mains d’une jolie serveuse à la robe moulante. Il a le crâne rasé, porte un large bracelet de cuir clouté et de petites lunettes rondes. Ses biceps roulent sous son chandail ajusté. Marc Boilard affirme qu’il fonde ses enseignements sur son expérience personnelle avec les femmes. Qu’il en a connu beaucoup. Mais il refuse de dire combien. «Pense à un chiffre et c’est plus que ça», lance-t-il.
Il pratique une technique de drague en trois étapes qui rappelle celle de la guérilla. Il attaque, il bat en retraite, puis il relance l’attaque. Marc Boilard m’explique. L’autre jour, dans ce même établissement, une jolie demoiselle qui mange avec des amies lui tombe dans l’œil. Elle se lève et se rend aux toilettes. Profitant du moment, il l’intercepte. «Je lui ai dit: “Excuse-moi. J’aimerais te faire un compliment. Tu es vraiment mon genre de fille.”» Puis, sans en dire plus, il retourne à sa table. «Après cette manœuvre, la fille est déstabilisée, ajoute Marc Boilard. Elle repasse dans sa tête ce qui vient de se produire. De retour à sa table, elle va raconter l’histoire à ses amies. Tu deviens son centre d’intérêt. Lorsque tu l’accostes de nouveau, elle n’a pas peur. Elle veut entendre ce que tu as à dire.» C’est ce qu’il a fait lorsqu’elle s’est levée pour quitter le café. «Il faut qu’on se revoit, lui a-t-il déclaré. J’aimerais beaucoup t’inviter à un spectacle.» Elle a dit oui et il a obtenu son numéro de téléphone.
Un homme qui maîtrise ce genre d’approche (il faut rester naturel!) marquera des points, assure la consultante en séduction Marie-France Archibald. «L’audace et la confiance en soi sont des qualités qui séduisent les femmes.»
L’agence Intermezzo le fait… pour 1 530 dollars par année. Chaque client a une relationniste attitrée qui joue le rôle de l’amie organisant un rendez-vous galant. Le lendemain, il peut l’appeler pour obtenir un son de cloche sur l’intérêt que l’éventuelle soupirante a manifesté à son endroit. «Habituellement, lorsque la relationniste lui répond “feu vert”, ça lui donne un élan incroyable!» dit Jean-Marc Larouche.
Au cours des rendez-vous suivants, il se transforme en véritable séducteur avec sa belle.
Et il dégrafe son soutien-gorge.
*Disclaimer: This article is copyright Francois Guerard and was originally published on February 15, 2007 for L'actualite. All rights, titles and interests in any images or clips, used herein under Fair Use and Fair Copying, remain the property of the author.
P.S. Do you Agree With This Article? Disagree?
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*Disclaimer: the views of the author do not necessarily represent the views of Franktalks.com. It is important to present different views/mindsets, and that includes material that may be deemed controversial in nature.
5 Tips To Get Her To Send You Nude Pics
I never set out to write this article. Originally, this started as a reply to a guy asking for help to get nude pictures from a woman while texting her. He posted for help on an online forum.
I answered it.
My advice was so well received that I figured I was going somewhere with it. I hope you enjoy!
If you want a woman you are texting to text you nude images of her, here are 5 tips that I have used successfully.
1. CONTROL YOUR EMOTIONS
The pics themselves aren't that important.
Do not get caught up in the exciting of getting them.
It is the “frame” that this is important.
You are looking for her compliance in general, and the pics are just part of the overall process.
2. TIMING YOUR REQUEST
The BEST TIME to get nude pics from her
is when you text late at night.
If it is late at night, chances are she is already in bed, or close to it.
Start asking her where she is.
When she tells you (likely she will be in her bed). Then, get her to tell you what she is wearing.
3. GET HER COMPLIANT
Use commitment and consistency.
Make her comply to small request first, and then build up.
First get her to send a selfie with her clothes on.
When she complies, then you can challenge with a more daring suggestion such as:
"hmmm. I wonder if you would be able to be a little bit more sexy...wink".
4. Don't "Ask". Tell Her.
Don't ask for nudes.
Tell her to send them.
If you ask her in a nice friendly way,
you are more likely to turn her off
by making her feel she is doing you a favor,
instead of a flirty exchange
that is turning you both on.
By being direct in your communication,
it keeps things more enticing.
Instead of ASKING: “Will you please send me a nude?”
TELL HER: “Show me, I want to see.”
(This of course is after you have progressed from having her tell you where she is, what she is wearing, and getting her to send you some selfies that progressively get more sexy.
“Don't show me naughty pictures of you. That would make me think of you in inappropriate ways the whole night and that isn't something that you would want since I know that you are such a good girl.”
If she is interested in you, but does not like being told what to do, she will follow through as you just told her how to “seduce” you, giving her the “control” in the situation.
You do not have to “convince” any woman to take nude selfies.
Chances are she has done it in the past (for herself or her past lovers), and might send you a couple of shots of a past collection if she doesn’t want to take a current shot tonight.
In my experience, once you receive nudes from a woman, if you proceed correctly, this is a very good sign that the next time you meet, you could end up having sex.
If she is willing to send you naked selfies to you,
she is likely more open to being naked with you
Hope this helps!
For 4 years Olivier has been on a quest, the quest to find what was stolen from men everywhere. Modern-day men are flabby, weak, have no energy and can’t get their manhood to stand at attention like it used to. None of this is their fault, our modern diet and environment strips them of their manhood. Desperate Men resort to pills to deal with the symptoms but cannot get relief from the problem itself. Olivier has spent the last few years creating and refining the recipes that he developed to help men just like you improve their erections, energy levels, and sex drive at any age.
Having a wingman (or woman) can be helpful while scouting for dates; other times, you’re better off flying solo. We take a closer look at why your best friend can be your worst enemy when you’re single.
By Christine Champ for Match.com Happen Magazine
When Anna, a single gal from Seattle, WA set out to find a boyfriend, her friend Kim offered to act as her “wing woman” during her search for an entire year.
At first, it sounded like a fabulous idea — but just one month later, Anna “fired” Kim.
You see, whenever the two met a single man somewhere, Kim turned into a flirting machine: tossing her hair, giving seductive sideways glances…she stole the spotlight every time away from Anna, even going so far as to physically block her friend out of some conversations by standing in front of her!
Whenever Anna asked Kim if she was interested in these men herself, she’d deny it. Instead of a boyfriend, all Anna acquired during her short-term experiment was self-doubt, frustration and confusion.
As Anna describes it, all her experience managed to do “was clip my own wings.”
Mark Fitzgerald, 36, from Sacramento, CA recalls the time he asked his longtime friend to size up the cute retail clerk he’d been mustering up the courage to ask out. Instead of returning from the recon mission with his stamp of approval, Mark’s friend came back with the retail clerk’s phone number — and plans to date her himself.
So — (frenemies aside, obviously) — why would a friend, sister, brother or other close comrade get in your way when you’re looking for love?
We’ve come up with a few reasons that take malice out of the equation entirely.
Five reasons why good friends can sometimes make bad “wingers”...
1. They feel obligated to make chivalrous chit-chat on your behalf and end up shifting the target’s attention in the wrong direction.
Fitzgerald has been on both sides of the wingman block himself; once, when a friend’s flirting turned into floundering, he felt responsible for keeping the conversation going so the woman his friend was interested in wouldn’t leave. Fitzgerald now realizes that commandeering the conversation might actually intimidate a tongue-tied buddy, so he makes an effort to tread carefully when helping cultivate initial small talk before excusing himself from the conversation entirely.
2. Their own insecurity drives them to try and “win” every perceived competition… even if they lose your friendship in the process.
For some people — single or not — the subconscious urge to compete with their peers trumps everything else. It’s about proving they can win the guy or girl’s attention, even if they’re not looking for a relationship themselves. Dr. Diana Kirschner, Ph.D., author of Love in 90 Days, observes that often, insecurity is what’s really behind these competitors’ outward show of confidence and flirting — along with the drive to demonstrate they’re desirable, regardless of the cost to their friendships. Sometimes, adds Dr. Kirschner, “scarcity consciousness” can also make people worry “there’s not enough to go around” when it comes to finding potential dates.
3. They’re addicted to being in the social spotlight.
Ron Geraci, author of The Bachelor Chronicles, notes that some people simply “cannot stand the fact that someone else is getting attention.” But, adds Geraci, don’t condemn these attention hogs too harshly; basking in the romantic limelight gives a “shot of adrenaline to their ego” that boosts their own low self-confidence.
4. Some people have trouble choosing their own romantic partners, so they aren’t helpful in scoping prospects for you, either.
A recent University of Indiana study suggests that people note the preferences of others — regardless of whether they’re friends or strangers — to make their own search for a mate more efficient. This stems from the idea that “who others like might be a good choice for ourselves,” according to Skyler Place, a researcher in UI’s Department of Psychological and Brain Studies who coauthored the study, along with Peter M. Todd, a professor in the university’s Cognitive Science Program. Frank Kermit, relationship coach and author of From Loser to Seducer, cites another reason: sometimes people don’t trust their own judgment when it comes to finding someone else attractive.
5. You’re hunting for a date, but your friend’s a natural-born poacher.
University of Texas psychology professor David Buss coined the term “mate poaching” to refer to people’s tendencies to try to steal romantic partners away from others. Geraci believes the principle applies equally to singles on the prowl, saying that “it’s a convenient way to find a mate because someone else is doing a lot of the work.” Singles should use caution when choosing wingmen or wing women; watch out for those friends who exhibit potential poaching tendencies and avoid going out with them when you’re looking for dates. After all, when you’ve engaged a prospect that piques your pals’ interest, “it’s like bringing your kill into a pack of hyenas,” warns Geraci.
Mending a “broken wing” relationship
Before you try to mend your relationship with a failed wingman or wing woman, make sure you’re not misreading any signals — like the silent cues that your tall, dark and handsome (or blonde and beautiful) target sends that indicate your attraction isn’t mutual after all. According to matchmaker and etiquette coach Joy Nordenstrom, the three biggest clues that your flirting is indeed being reciprocated include: direct eye contact, mirroring (i.e., your crush copies your body movements) and leaning in to get physically closer to you.
If it’s still obvious your friend’s crossed a boundary, here’s one solution: exclude him or her from social situations where you might connect with someone romantically. Advises Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D., author of The Unofficial Guide to Dating Again: “that’s how you teach people that they’re socially unacceptable,” though she considers an intervention to be worthwhile if you believe your friend’s bad behavior is unintentional. If you do decide to stage an impromptu bathroom meeting to interrupt the offender’s advances, Kirschner recommends keeping it positive — like asking your cousin to tell the ladies about your smooth salsa moves, then adding that you’ll be ready to take the lead on the dance floor right after the next song begins.
Establishing the rules of engagement
If you really want your wingman or wing woman to “rise to the occasion,” says Nordenstrom, establish some rules of engagement first so that it’s clear “you’re playing on the same team.” Start by clarifying your goals for the outing, and have your friend do the same. Agree to put each other in the best light possible throughout the evening — from subtly pointing out the broccoli in your friend’s teeth to bragging about his or her tennis skills. Think of flattering stories to share about your friend or make a mental note of his or her most attractive features before you go out together. Mutually agree on a code word (like “yesterday”) to indicate you’re interested in someone so both of you don’t end up inadvertently flirting with the same person. If you end up eyeing the same hottie without realizing it, take a beat by yourselves to discuss and compare your desire levels on a scale of 1 to 10. A good wingman or wing woman knows when “to step back,” but as Tessina also cautions, “every person you meet isn’t Mr. [or Ms.] right” — so choose your showdowns wisely!
Flying solo: is it an option?
The insights we’ve shared here should help you choose a wingman or wing woman that brings out the absolute best in you — because, according to Nordenstrom, when your romantic radar reacts, you often “have a very short window to make a strong impression.” Or, try flying solo — Kirschner believes you may unleash your “inner charisma” when you’re forced to conquer your shyness and/or social anxiety. If you attempt a solo recon mission for scouting dating prospects and spend all night cowering next to the bathroom instead, finding a friendly co-pilot you can rely on is definitely the better way to fly!
***Disclaimer: DEAR READERS: This was an article written by Christine Champ for Match.com that Frank Kermit was quoted in. All rights, titles and interests in the article remain with the author and Match.com
Christine Champ is a freelance writer based in the Northwest. Her writing has appeared on MSN.com, MSNBC.com, Film.com and in The Seattle Times.
How to Find the Right Toy for a Couple
By Dr. Stacy Friedman
Whether you’re a beginner or more advanced in using adult toys, knowing what toy to bring into your relationship may be confusing.
Some people may feel that they are less of a lover or not capable enough to please their partner if they need or want to use toys,
but that can’t be further from the truth!
Toys are great if you want to spice things up!
They can enhance any relationship and can even help with difficulty in having orgasms.
Here are some tips
so you know what toys may be best for what you need.
Believe it or not 75% of women can’t have an orgasm through intercourse so this helps take some of the pressure off!
Just make sure lube is used when putting the ring on or it may not slide on very comfortably…ouch!
The plug is a great prostate stimulator so anyone can enjoy anal play. Give some oral or have intercourse and then feel the intensity of your orgasm!
Don’t knock it until you try it!
The most important thing is deciding together, as a couple, what is best and just be open to trying something new. If it doesn’t work, then try something else but be open to variety, as it is the spice of life!
Written by: Dr. Stacy Friedman
About The Author
Dr. Stacy Friedman, DHS, CSC
Dr. Stacy is the founder of Creating Intimacy Coach, Inc. She got involved in the field of Clinical Sexology because of her passion for helping people learn to experience the best sexual intimacy with themselves and with their partner(s). She holds a Doctorate degree in Human Sexuality, a Masters in Clinical Sexology and is a Certified Sex Coach. Dr. Stacy is a member of WASC (World Association of Sex Coaches), and of the ACS (American College of Sexologists), which shows she has earned top credentials in her field. She also has a BA in Psychology and a Registered Diagnostic Medical and Vascular Sonographer.
Sex Coaching is designed to help women, men, and people of any sexual orientation or gender address their concerns about sexuality, sexual function and sexual expression. Additionally, since 2006, Dr. Stacy has been a consultant selling adult novelties and has coached and educated many people in a fun, positive approach to love, romance and in all aspects of sexuality. Her education and personal, spiritual and sexual journey, including life experience uniquely enables her to help people to face the challenges that may lie ahead and to achieve their goals.
If you would like to discuss a concern in greater detail, you may contact Dr. Stacy at 561-899-7669 or by email at Stacy@drstacy.org for a complimentary consultation. Dr. Stacy works with all aspects of sexuality and specializes in women’s issues, low libido, couples with mismatched sex drives and LGBTQ concerns. Coaching sessions are available by phone, Skype (international coaching is offered) and in office sessions located in South Florida, US.
www.DrStacy.org Your Creating Intimacy Coach
“My passion is to help you create yours” - Dr. Stacy xo
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Your Home is Your Seduction
By Frank Kermit
Your date is coming over to your place! You have seen each other a couple of times already, but this is different. This is YOUR PLACE, not some coffee shop or movie theatre or restaurant. This is home field advantage.
And why not?
After all, there is no cover charge, you do not have to share a public washroom with strangers, you can put your feet up, a meal is way cheaper, and you can even prepare the meal together as part of the fun!
What could possibly go wrong?
Well, depending on how you live at home...plenty could go wrong, and even though you might be able to keep your date intrigued enough, your place could be a turn off in ways you might not know.
However, there are pitfalls. If your home is not a warm and receptive environment that makes visitors feel invited to overstay their welcome,
you could inadvertently be pushing away your hearts desire.
On occasion, I make coaching house calls for people that seek out to create an alluring seductive homestead to help them attract sexual partners and/or relationship candidates. Some people may require an objective eye to help them spot those idiosyncrasies that the proprietor may be oblivious too.
Here are some general guidelines
If you only bring out certain candles when a date arrives, or put a particular bottle in the fridge, or move your furniture around to create an ideal setting, it is best to always have those candles out, your bottles in the fridge and your furniture in the ideal settings at all times.
The energy levels you will take on your date that you saved from a massive cleaning will be well reserved to help create an outstanding evening.
A bathroom that creeps out a person will have a very different effect than one with appropriate artwork (see above), scented candles already lit, a fresh shower curtain and a sparkling toilet.
If you want to have a spectacular love life at your home, and you do not have the time or the inclination to clean the bathroom, hire a cleaner to come over for a couple of hours each week to scrub it down.
It is worth the investment.
The key factor is that those toiletries stay at your place after your lover leaves in the morning, and it encourages your over night guests to want to come over again, especially when they know they already have their own toiletries there
Making the effort of pimping your pad can be the difference between using your toilet to enhance your love life, or your love life being in the toilet.
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Athlete and Vixen: Making of a Pole Dancer - Part II
by Melanie Lynch
I last posted about Pole dancing being a sport and that not all Pole dancers are strippers but I asked the question ‘what is so wrong with stripping anyway?’
When I started Pole dancing I found that I would get so frustrated with everyone implying I was a stripper. As years went by I started participating in more shows and met so many great women.
They were all out there trying to be brave, showing up in small costumes and hoping they would put on a performance. Some of these fantastic women were almost naked and some were actually stripping. I marvelled at them and loved them for the courage on stage but quickly learned that although they were strong on stage backstage they were nervous balls of energy getting their courage up and trying to remember their routines.
I discovered that there really was
nothing different between them and me.
So once again, let’s start at the beginning. When I started my Pole journey, I went to my first class and I was wearing full-length leggings and a tank top. To me this was revealing.
As we progressed I needed to climb and so the leggings changed to shorts. I learned to hold the Pole between my legs (yes, I am aware of how that sounded) and the shorts got a lot smaller.
Then the ultimate thing happened, I started to flip upside down and needed to position the Pole across my abdomen.
So my tank tops needed to turn into a crop top or sports bra. Let me tell you, after you have had three children, your first instinct is not to show off the stomach area.
As I stood there, I had to fight the urge to cover my stomach with my hands. But Pole is so much more than exercise.
It’s a community.
A loving, welcoming community that encourages women to not apologize for the way they look.
These ladies push you to grow, express yourself and be bold!
At the same time as I started attending Pole shows,
I also started going to Burlesque shows.
The first time I went to one, I was completely blown away. I had never seen anything like it.
These women came out with the most amazing, decadent, creative costumes and performed with such sublime beauty that it took my breath away.
They were stripping but the show was more than just removing their clothes, it was a celebration of beauty, whether it was the movement, the costumes or the woman themselves, it was simply beautiful.
I had the privilege to watch one performer named Coco Framboise who came on stage wearing the massive fur boa which she slowly undressed behind.
It was a cheeky tease because you would only see glimpses of her caramel skin behind the white softness of the fluffy boa. She was mesmerizing and the crowd absolutely loved her. There’s nothing like the crowds at these shows. The first thing you notice about these crowds is that they consist largely of women and these women scream, shout and catcall the performers in encouragement.
They show their appreciation for what is happening on stage. I was drawn to try this too and so signed up for the Coco Framboise School of Burlesque.
I wanted to learn how to exude
that kind of confidence and beauty.
I once read one of those Facebook postcards that said something like “some women feel empowered by covering themselves while others by taking their clothes off, who are we to judge” and it spoke to me.
There’s a lot of criticism about women taking their clothes off or objectifying themselves and I won’t go into all their arguments here.
You can’t take two steps without running into their voices and you can go read about it yourselves.
There’s something to me that just doesn’t fit about this mindset.
WE are strong and determined.
We do not want to be told anything about ourselves anymore.
We own our lives, our bodies and the way we choose express ourselves.
You are not qualified to judge me or others who enjoy this activity.
This is our choice.
Why is it wrong to be us? We are not hurting you or ourselves.
In fact we are having fun and life should be fun.
Maybe no one will understand what we are trying to do and that’s ok but all I ask is that the judgment stop, and that you just sit back and enjoy the show since we have worked hard to pull it together!
If you think I am crazy and wrong, well that’s ok too because I have a whole community of women that are there with me cheering me on and supporting me every step of the way and I really didn’t choose to do it for you anyway.
To read Part 1 of this series,
The importance of continuing to show your love is highlighted in this contributed post.
Most of life is very simple. We’re born, we love, we laugh, we cry, we die. When you make it easy, life is simply those steps and along every step, love is the central theme. We are born into love. We are taught to grow in love before we fall in love ourselves, and it’s the most beautiful emotion. Life may be simple, but love is not. Love is the most complicated emotion in the human spectrum of emotions. We all crave it, we all seek it and for the most part, we cherish it once we have it. It comes from different places: children, partners and parents, and it means different things to everyone.
Falling in love for the first time is one of the most meaningful experience you’ll ever have. The relationships that we have shape who we are as people and even when you think a short relationship doesn’t matter, there’s always an impact. You have to make love count where you can and live it in the moment rather than dismiss it from life, or you can end up becoming cynical about it. When you think back to the start of your relationship, you probably remember the fun. The sparks that flew, the dates you went on and the fizz in your stomach when they smiled at you are all memorable dating moments.
Relationships do go stale and boring as time goes on; it’s an inevitability. But it comes from lack of effort. They only become boring if both parties aren’t putting their absolute all into it. You can’t be gifted with a great love and allow it to rot – you need to nurture it and let it thrive between you. The effort has to come from both of you and if you make it spontaneous and exciting every day, you’ll have a love that counts. Making love last through the years depends on the way you treat it. See the best in the person you’re with – they’re not going to be perfect but looking at the good qualities that they have over the bad is going to end things far earlier than you may imagine. The one thing that’s different when time passes, is the effort that gets put in. There are plenty of ways that you can make an effort for your relationship and the tips available on www.mydatingsolutions.com are fantastic and can really help you with those early dating nerves. When you make love count in your relationship, you can keep that romance and passion alive. You don’t need to do huge gestures in your relationship, even the smallest gestures can be appreciated and cherished. Always be thoughtful with any gestures you make and be grateful for those that you also receive.
You don’t have to be at the beginning of a relationship to have passion and romance. You can carry this throughout a whole relationship from beginning to whenever it ends – early or til death do you part! Did you know that one of the most important ways to show your love and affection is simply to listen? Listening is the cornerstone of any great, successful relationship and it’s not just the goals and the fun you should be paying attention to. Listen to the rants and the upset and the stresses they are experiencing. There’s nothing more romantic than someone who sits up and takes notice of you and your life. Get to know each other every day and keep things fresh. When the relationship is going a bit stale or boring – as they often do – don’t wait for it to fizzle out. Stand up and make your love count for you both.
There are so many ways you can make love last in your life and having compassion is key. When you embark on a brand-new relationship, wooing is key. It’s not flowers, chocolates and dinners you need to use to woo them, but your humour and happiness and ability to show compassion. Understand their needs, be sympathetic to their desires and look for any way you can show them an act of kindness. If you’ve been married for several years, you can still show the person you love compassion and romance, and it’s even more important in a marriage. Making love last isn’t about the material things, it’s about how you can be your whole self with someone and how you can take notice of the little things. Sliding doors moments of relationships like these are the ones that count the most, such as companionably brushing teeth together before bed or making an effort to clear up a mess instead of pointing it out. Those moments are overlooked too often and they are the ones that people should be cherishing.
Affection, passion and romance are all things that people crave with their love. Pay attention to their needs, make sure you kiss every day and make sure you spend time just laughing together. Laughter is the best thing for any relationship, new or old, to bloom. Older relationships grow into a mature love that doesn’t always need the fizz and bang of early relationship wonders, but there’s nothing wrong with having a little fizz! Mature love is usually diluted by children, jobs and distractions that secure your relationship but pull you apart romantically and make you forget those early days of passion. Rediscover them. Date each other all over again and do all the things you started out doing when you first fell in love.
You can make love count in thousands of ways, too many to list, and those ways all go hand in hand with effort for each other. If you want something to work, make it happen. If you want to fall in love again after a break up, make it happen. Put yourself out there and try hard for yourself. Love doesn’t just fall into our laps, it takes work and it’s wonderful and frustrating all at once. Once you’ve experienced it, it’s all you’ll crave. Make it count!
Dr. Laurie Betito Quotes