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 To Belly Dance or Not To Belly Dance To Belly Dance Or Not To Belly Dance Written by: Pillow Talk Gal Updated February 28, 2018 When I was asked if I wanted to take part in a belly dancing class and write an article about it, I was really excited. Then, the more I thought about it the more I began to worry a little. I have never really attended any kind of dance class (if you don’t count when I was little) so belly dancing seemed like a bit of a leap. I have to admit though; I was curious and nervous at the same time. The day of my first class had finally arrived and my excitement/curiosity had made me almost an hour early. At least parking was a breeze (I found a spot literally in front of the building). I had some extra time to kill, so I decided to sit in the park right across from the dance studio. Despite the honking of cars and bustle of the city, it was very relaxing and helped to calm my nerves a little bit.
An introduction to the rest of my fellow dancers was given and everyone was gracious and friendly towards me (the new comer). Students had the option to bring their own hip scarves or to choose one from Brooke’s wide, not to mention beautiful, collection. Not having any of my own, I chose one of Brookes’ (I would later find out that she’s owned this particular hip scarf for 8 years- no pressure). Once everyone was ready to begin, we all took our seats on our mats and Brooke began her introduction to what holistic belly dancing is all about.
The class was a safe space where women could share their thoughts and emotions without judgement. After Brookes’ explanations, we all sat in our circle and experienced the openness of touch with one another. We all paired up and gave our partners hand massages using essentials oils (this exercise is practiced openly to learn to relax and give of ourselves but also to receive from others.
We were given a small demonstration as to how to massage the hand then we were off (of course it is clearly mentioned by Brooke that any and all activities done in the classroom are not forced upon students and anytime anyone is not comfortable with something, they are free to sit out with no judgement or issues). This said, I sat back and allowed my partner to give me my hand massage. At first, I was clearly not relaxed as my partner was so keenly able to detect (by simply feeling how tense my forearm was). Then as she calmly told me to relax and enjoy, I found myself surrendering to the calming music playing in the background and found that my massage was actually very pleasant. I found myself letting go of my tension and just giving into the moment. Once we had given and received our hand massages, we gathered in our circle once more and captured what we had taken away from the experience, in our journals. The group then proceeded to share their thoughts on the massage exercise and what they had taken away from the experience. I myself shared how impressed I was with my partner’s ability to almost immediately detect where I was holding all my tension in my forearm (carpal tunnel syndrome- a common job hazard among writers) and therefore she was able to relieve some of the pain.
Poses and stances were front and center and I awoke muscles my body seemed to have forgotten I had. We observed ourselves in the studio mirrors so as to mimic what Brooke was showing us (to the best of our abilities). Brooke gave us a phenomenal example of what we could eventually accomplish with these wonderful moves and she performed for the entire class. It inspired us all and definitely made me want to give it a whirl.  Brooke Megan - Belly Dancing Classes The amazing part is by this time I wasn’t feeling self conscience at all. I was totally comfortable in the environment that Brooke had created for the class. We all moved to the music, holding our belly dance poses and receiving encouragement from each other and Brooke. The aspect that surprised me the most is that as a woman, I have spent the better part of my life trying to make my body giggle as little as possible. Now, I was being encouraged to shake all my little bits as much as I could and it was fabulous! No shame, just pure liberation and enjoyment of the female form in all its glory. As we danced and learned how to move our bodies, time seemed to just fly by. Before I knew it, the class had come to an end and it was time to cool down. Brooke gave each and every one individual high-fives and congratulations on a job well done. It was such a rewarding experience.
I am so looking forward to next week’s class. Namaste! -Pillow Talk Gal About Pillow Talk Gal Born and raised in British Columbia, she is a professional woman managing a career, marriage, and a teenager. Life can be challenging at times but she's a firm believer that everything in life happens for a reason, and more often than not, she tries to understand those reasons. "Join me in my journey throughout life’s issues and I guarantee you’ll be left pondering an issue or two." - Pillow Talk Gal *Disclaimer: All photos of Brooke Megan are copyright Brooke Megan and all persons in the photos retain all their rights, interest and titles in the photos. All photos appear here with written permission on file with Brooke Megan.  Brooke Megan About Brooke Megan and House of Lavender - Holistic Belly Dance Group Located at: 5582A Sherbrooke Street O, Montreal, QC H4A 1W3 Telephone number: 514-814-7557 Face book page: House of Lavender: Beauty and Wellness Brooke Megan has been teaching belly dancing for 8 years and has extensive experience in dance through her teaching at Carlton University in Ottawa. She herself was introduced to belly dancing through group lessons and was compelled to share this wonderful art form with others. She has performed at the Shenkman Art Centre in Ottawa, various art galleries and cafes. Her goal in offering belly dance lessons is to educate people with regards to the beauty and strength of exotic dance. She wants to have people experience this art form at a grass roots level. Her six week program is open to all who wish to explore their creative side all the while relieving stress and getting fit. For more information call 514-814-7557 or check out her Face book page: House of Lavender: Beauty and Wellness Some personalized birthday ideas are explored in this contributed post.  birthday cake https://tinyurl.com/y9yv3nsx I always try to make sure I plan to perfect birthday for my husband. I know that many of my readers also have partners, and so I wanted to release an article that gives you some great ideas. If you struggle to organise the celebrations for your loved one, you can use this post as inspiration. At the end of the day, you just need to show them that you care. You also need to make them feel special for that one day out of the year. Don’t worry if you haven’t got a lot of money to spend at the moment. A happy birthday isn’t about how much cash you throw at it, and there are always ways in which you can make savings. Search for quirky gifts Regardless of how much you can afford to spend, you’ll want to get your partner something different for their birthday. When all’s said and done, they have cash of their own. So, if they wanted anything from a high street shop, they’d probably go out and buy it. The experts behind Cuckooland's gifts for men say there are more quirky and unique product sites than ever before. So, you need to turn to the internet to find something interesting. You always find better prices online, and there is no reason to spend a fortune. Just select something that he probably hasn’t seen before. Cook his favourite meal Everyone likes to eat a decent meal on their birthday. So, you should remember your partner’s favourite dish and prepare it for his big day. You can also make some cookies or some other dessert he’ll love. Make a list of ingredients a couple of days in advance, so you have enough time to get them from your local store. You can then sit down and eat together during the early evening. You could also give him his gifts at the same time if you have children. They way, they can enjoy him opening the presents too. If you give them to your loved one in the morning, the kids might miss out because they have to go to school. Spend time together Lastly, I advise that whatever happens, you spend some time together. That could mean going out for a few drinks or staying home and cuddling on the sofa. In truth, it doesn’t matter how you spend your time so long as you’re by your partner’s side. When all’s said and done, there are only a few days each year in which you have to make each other feel special. So, plan something that will allow you to achieve that goal. Again, if you have children, you should think about involving them in any activities you organise. As you can see from that advice, you don’t have to work hard to plan the perfect birthday. You just have to make sure you have some time together. Your partner isn’t going to care about gold Rolex watches or anything expensive. If they love you, they’ll feel happy just being in your company. One last thing; make sure both of you book the day off work. You deserve to take a break on such an important date.  The Return of the Seducers in Montreal Quebec Le retour des séducteurs par François Guérard Dans l’art de la séduction, l’homme québécois ne serait pas de taille à rivaliser avec le Français, l’Italien, l’Espagnol, ou le Belge. Qu’à cela ne tienne, des gourous de la drague viennent à son secours. Notre journaliste a fait enquête. Ce soir, le petit bar du Plateau-Mont-Royal est interdit aux femmes. L’écriteau sur la porte indique «Fermé». Sous une lumière orange, une société secrète de séducteurs tient réunion. Une trentaine de gars, ayant entre 20 et 45 ans, discutent en anglais, assis en rond. Ils sont francophones et anglophones, de toutes origines ethniques. À tour de rôle, ils exposent un problème ou décrivent une rencontre dans un café, un flirt sur la piste de danse. Les autres analysent et dissèquent. Le grand timide assis à ma droite note frénétiquement tous les trucs de drague dans son calepin. Les gars cachent leur identité derrière des pseudonymes: Buddha, Jetset, Vic 20, Cowboy. Moi aussi, je dissimule la mienne. Personne ne sait que je suis journaliste. Et c’est mon tour de parler.
Les membres du Montreal Seduction Lair (le repaire des séducteurs de Montréal) ont brisé le tabou. Ils interprètent les détails d’un flirt avec une minutie toute féminine. Comme le feraient de bonnes amies autour d’un thé vert. «Combien de temps devrais-je attendre avant de répondre à son courriel?» «Que devrais-je lui écrire?» «J’ai ramené une fille chez moi la nuit dernière, mais nous n’avons pas fait l’amour. Qu’ai-je fait de mal?» C’est le genre de questions qu’ils posent.
La consultante en séduction Marie-France Archibald fait de bonnes affaires en offrant des cours privés de drague aux hommes de la région de Montréal. Pour un tarif moyen de 95 dollars l’heure, la jeune femme prépare ses clients à affronter différentes situations: aborder une femme dans un bar, un flirt au bureau, une sortie au théâtre. Les clients peuvent aussi profiter des services d’une styliste pour refaire leur garde-robe et d’un photographe professionnel, histoire de mieux paraître dans les sites Web de rencontre.
L’homme qui s’assoit seul au bar et attend qu’on le courtise pourrait être déçu. Car à peine 7% des Québécoises croient que c’est à elles de faire les premiers pas, révèle un sondage CROP commandé par L’actualité. Elles sont 34% à penser que l’homme doit faire les avances, et 54% estiment que cela n’a aucune importance. Fait étonnant, les jeunes de 18 à 34 ans (hommes et femmes) sont les plus conservateurs. Près de la moitié — 43% — confient la tâche de draguer à l’homme.
Michel Dorais, lui, va dans le sens du «plutôt mauvais». Le Québécois n’est pas de taille devant le Français, l’Italien, l’Espagnol et le Belge, dit-il. Car le flirt est un jeu qui se pratique beaucoup en Europe et très peu de ce côté-ci de l’Atlantique. Le sociologue se promenait récemment dans les rues de Namur, en Belgique, aux côtés d’une séduisante collègue. «Cinq ou six passants se sont arrêtés pour la complimenter sur sa beauté. Chaque fois, elle répondait: “Merci.” On ne voit jamais ça au Québec!»
On peut trouver des éléments de réponse dans la culture, dit Michel Dorais. «Au Québec, la notion de charme appartient à l’espace féminin, alors qu’en Europe l’image du séducteur masculin est très présente.» Giacomo Casanova, l’aventurier qui sévissait dans les cours européennes au 18e siècle, et les personnages fictifs de Don Juan et de Cyrano de Bergerac envoûtent les femmes par la parole. L’aspect physique importe peu. Ce sont le raffinement et la poésie des mots qui font fondre les cœurs. Ce modèle n’existe pas dans la psyché collective des Québécois, dit le sociologue. Le grand séducteur s’incarne dans deux personnages de la littérature du terroir: le Survenant, héros du roman éponyme, et Ovila Pronovost, le mari d’Émilie dans Les filles de Caleb. Ce sont des hommes mystérieux, grands, musclés, la plupart du temps absents. «La seule présence de leur corps suffit à séduire», dit Michel Dorais. Les choses étaient plus faciles pour l’homme il y a 50 ans, lorsque les rôles sexuels étaient clairement définis. Le samedi soir, l’homme ne sortait jamais sans son veston, sa cravate et son chapeau. C’était lui le chef. Il invitait la femme à la salle de danse, il payait pour elle. Henri, un petit barbu énergique de 80 ans, se souvient des jeux de séduction dans le Montréal de l’après-guerre. Il travaillait alors comme machiniste dans la métropole. «Nous faisions la cour aux femmes. Il fallait leur ouvrir la portière de la voiture. Les complimenter sur leur habillement et leur coiffure. Leur faire sentir que c’étaient elles les reines de la soirée.» L’effort en valait la peine, puisque Henri, qui ne s’est jamais marié, a eu une soixantaine de maîtresses! «Pourtant, je n’étais pas le genre d’homme à faire tourner les têtes dans la rue», dit-il. On pourrait croire qu’en 2007 la danse reste une activité propice au flirt. Danser la salsa, par exemple, c’est jouer à la séduction. Les corps se touchent, les regards plongent l’un dans l’autre. C’est l’homme qui guide. Au Salon Daomé, au pied du mont Royal, la proportion est de quatre hommes pour six femmes. Une vingtaine de jeunes filles sont assises sur des canapés le long des murs et attendent une invitation à danser. Corinne Morin, elle, ne manque pas de partenaires. Cette grande brune de 26 ans est sexy dans son chandail rouge moulant et elle se déhanche bien. Elle est venue seule. Pourtant, un homme serait mal avisé de lui demander son numéro de téléphone. Pas plus à elle qu’aux autres filles. «Je ne viens pas ici pour me faire draguer. Je viens pour danser», dit-elle, soufflant entre deux pièces musicales. «La plupart des filles, ici, n’aiment pas les hommes qui tentent de les séduire. Elles veulent pratiquer un sport, de façon amicale.» Après un demi-siècle de féminisme, la femme est devenue un peu comme l’hiver québécois: lumineuse et froide. Elle brille, est sûre d’elle, intelligente, ouverte et fonceuse. Mais son assurance est une arme à double tranchant. Elle peut interpréter les avances d’un homme comme un manque de respect, une atteinte à son intimité. Elle réagit alors avec la froideur d’un iceberg. Sylvain d’Auteuil, 39 ans, en a fait la dure expérience. Pour écrire Brad Pitt ou mourir (Les Intouchables) — roman dans lequel il raconte les difficultés d’un jeune père célibataire à trouver une nouvelle copine —, il s’est lancé, en 2005, dans un véritable rallye de la drague. Il a d’abord recruté trois hommes trentenaires en mettant une petite annonce dans un journal culturel de Saint-Sauveur. Pendant un mois, les quatre mousquetaires ont abordé des filles dans les bars, dans les boutiques, dans la rue, au supermarché. «On utilisait des techniques trouvées dans Internet», dit l’auteur. Dans la grande majorité des cas, ils se sont fait répondre par un soupir ou un regard glacial. Avec les femmes d’origine étrangère, cependant, c’était différent. «Elles répondaient à nos avances par un sourire. On pouvait même quelquefois entamer la conversation et obtenir leur numéro de téléphone.» Cette expérience lui a permis de trouver un excellent endroit pour draguer: la buanderie. Les femmes y sont souvent seules et s’ennuient en attendant la fin des cycles de séchage. Marc Boilard, lui, croit avoir trouvé la solution pour désamorcer le mécanisme de défense des femmes. Je rencontre le gourou de 40 ans dans sa tanière, le Shed Café, resto-bar branché du boulevard Saint-Laurent. «Je viens souvent manger ici», dit-il en recevant un bol de soupe thaïe des mains d’une jolie serveuse à la robe moulante. Il a le crâne rasé, porte un large bracelet de cuir clouté et de petites lunettes rondes. Ses biceps roulent sous son chandail ajusté. Marc Boilard affirme qu’il fonde ses enseignements sur son expérience personnelle avec les femmes. Qu’il en a connu beaucoup. Mais il refuse de dire combien. «Pense à un chiffre et c’est plus que ça», lance-t-il. Il pratique une technique de drague en trois étapes qui rappelle celle de la guérilla. Il attaque, il bat en retraite, puis il relance l’attaque. Marc Boilard m’explique. L’autre jour, dans ce même établissement, une jolie demoiselle qui mange avec des amies lui tombe dans l’œil. Elle se lève et se rend aux toilettes. Profitant du moment, il l’intercepte. «Je lui ai dit: “Excuse-moi. J’aimerais te faire un compliment. Tu es vraiment mon genre de fille.”» Puis, sans en dire plus, il retourne à sa table. «Après cette manœuvre, la fille est déstabilisée, ajoute Marc Boilard. Elle repasse dans sa tête ce qui vient de se produire. De retour à sa table, elle va raconter l’histoire à ses amies. Tu deviens son centre d’intérêt. Lorsque tu l’accostes de nouveau, elle n’a pas peur. Elle veut entendre ce que tu as à dire.» C’est ce qu’il a fait lorsqu’elle s’est levée pour quitter le café. «Il faut qu’on se revoit, lui a-t-il déclaré. J’aimerais beaucoup t’inviter à un spectacle.» Elle a dit oui et il a obtenu son numéro de téléphone. Un homme qui maîtrise ce genre d’approche (il faut rester naturel!) marquera des points, assure la consultante en séduction Marie-France Archibald. «L’audace et la confiance en soi sont des qualités qui séduisent les femmes.»
L’agence Intermezzo le fait… pour 1 530 dollars par année. Chaque client a une relationniste attitrée qui joue le rôle de l’amie organisant un rendez-vous galant. Le lendemain, il peut l’appeler pour obtenir un son de cloche sur l’intérêt que l’éventuelle soupirante a manifesté à son endroit. «Habituellement, lorsque la relationniste lui répond “feu vert”, ça lui donne un élan incroyable!» dit Jean-Marc Larouche. Au cours des rendez-vous suivants, il se transforme en véritable séducteur avec sa belle. Et il dégrafe son soutien-gorge. *Disclaimer: This article is copyright Francois Guerard and was originally published on February 15, 2007 for L'actualite. All rights, titles and interests in any images or clips, used herein under Fair Use and Fair Copying, remain the property of the author. P.S. Do you Agree With This Article? Disagree? Have something to Add? Write your thoughts in the comments below and share this article to see how many of your friends think like you.  Sign Up For Frank Coaching Now *Disclaimer: the views of the author do not necessarily represent the views of Franktalks.com. It is important to present different views/mindsets, and that includes material that may be deemed controversial in nature.  5 Tips to Get Her Sexting Nude Pics 5 Tips To Get Her To Send You Nude Pics by Olivier I never set out to write this article. Originally, this started as a reply to a guy asking for help to get nude pictures from a woman while texting her. He posted for help on an online forum. I answered it. My advice was so well received that I figured I was going somewhere with it. I hope you enjoy! If you want a woman you are texting to text you nude images of her, here are 5 tips that I have used successfully. 1. CONTROL YOUR EMOTIONS The pics themselves aren't that important. Do not get caught up in the exciting of getting them. Stay calm. It is the “frame” that this is important. You are looking for her compliance in general, and the pics are just part of the overall process. 2. TIMING YOUR REQUEST The BEST TIME to get nude pics from her is when you text late at night. If it is late at night, chances are she is already in bed, or close to it. Start asking her where she is. When she tells you (likely she will be in her bed). Then, get her to tell you what she is wearing. 3. GET HER COMPLIANT Use commitment and consistency. Make her comply to small request first, and then build up. First get her to send a selfie with her clothes on. When she complies, then you can challenge with a more daring suggestion such as: "hmmm. I wonder if you would be able to be a little bit more sexy...wink".  Just Like Fifty Shades of Grey 4. Don't "Ask". Tell Her. Don't ask for nudes. Tell her to send them. If you ask her in a nice friendly way, you are more likely to turn her off by making her feel she is doing you a favor, instead of a flirty exchange that is turning you both on. By being direct in your communication, it keeps things more enticing. Instead of ASKING: “Will you please send me a nude?” TELL HER: “Show me, I want to see.” (This of course is after you have progressed from having her tell you where she is, what she is wearing, and getting her to send you some selfies that progressively get more sexy.
“Don't show me naughty pictures of you. That would make me think of you in inappropriate ways the whole night and that isn't something that you would want since I know that you are such a good girl.” If she is interested in you, but does not like being told what to do, she will follow through as you just told her how to “seduce” you, giving her the “control” in the situation. You do not have to “convince” any woman to take nude selfies. Chances are she has done it in the past (for herself or her past lovers), and might send you a couple of shots of a past collection if she doesn’t want to take a current shot tonight. In my experience, once you receive nudes from a woman, if you proceed correctly, this is a very good sign that the next time you meet, you could end up having sex. If she is willing to send you naked selfies to you, she is likely more open to being naked with you Hope this helps! -Olivier About Olivier For 4 years Olivier has been on a quest, the quest to find what was stolen from men everywhere. Modern-day men are flabby, weak, have no energy and can’t get their manhood to stand at attention like it used to. None of this is their fault, our modern diet and environment strips them of their manhood. Desperate Men resort to pills to deal with the symptoms but cannot get relief from the problem itself. Olivier has spent the last few years creating and refining the recipes that he developed to help men just like you improve their erections, energy levels, and sex drive at any age. http://olivierhealthtips.com/  Is Your Wing (Man or Woman) Getting In Your Way? Having a wingman (or woman) can be helpful while scouting for dates; other times, you’re better off flying solo. We take a closer look at why your best friend can be your worst enemy when you’re single. By Christine Champ for Match.com Happen Magazine  It's Your TIME Now When Anna, a single gal from Seattle, WA set out to find a boyfriend, her friend Kim offered to act as her “wing woman” during her search for an entire year. At first, it sounded like a fabulous idea — but just one month later, Anna “fired” Kim. You see, whenever the two met a single man somewhere, Kim turned into a flirting machine: tossing her hair, giving seductive sideways glances…she stole the spotlight every time away from Anna, even going so far as to physically block her friend out of some conversations by standing in front of her! Whenever Anna asked Kim if she was interested in these men herself, she’d deny it. Instead of a boyfriend, all Anna acquired during her short-term experiment was self-doubt, frustration and confusion. As Anna describes it, all her experience managed to do “was clip my own wings.” Mark Fitzgerald, 36, from Sacramento, CA recalls the time he asked his longtime friend to size up the cute retail clerk he’d been mustering up the courage to ask out. Instead of returning from the recon mission with his stamp of approval, Mark’s friend came back with the retail clerk’s phone number — and plans to date her himself. So — (frenemies aside, obviously) — why would a friend, sister, brother or other close comrade get in your way when you’re looking for love? We’ve come up with a few reasons that take malice out of the equation entirely. Five reasons why good friends can sometimes make bad “wingers”...  Conversations For Dating 1. They feel obligated to make chivalrous chit-chat on your behalf and end up shifting the target’s attention in the wrong direction. Fitzgerald has been on both sides of the wingman block himself; once, when a friend’s flirting turned into floundering, he felt responsible for keeping the conversation going so the woman his friend was interested in wouldn’t leave. Fitzgerald now realizes that commandeering the conversation might actually intimidate a tongue-tied buddy, so he makes an effort to tread carefully when helping cultivate initial small talk before excusing himself from the conversation entirely.  Stop Insecurity! Learn to have CHARISMA 2. Their own insecurity drives them to try and “win” every perceived competition… even if they lose your friendship in the process. For some people — single or not — the subconscious urge to compete with their peers trumps everything else. It’s about proving they can win the guy or girl’s attention, even if they’re not looking for a relationship themselves. Dr. Diana Kirschner, Ph.D., author of Love in 90 Days, observes that often, insecurity is what’s really behind these competitors’ outward show of confidence and flirting — along with the drive to demonstrate they’re desirable, regardless of the cost to their friendships. Sometimes, adds Dr. Kirschner, “scarcity consciousness” can also make people worry “there’s not enough to go around” when it comes to finding potential dates.  Get Yourself Together 3. They’re addicted to being in the social spotlight. Ron Geraci, author of The Bachelor Chronicles, notes that some people simply “cannot stand the fact that someone else is getting attention.” But, adds Geraci, don’t condemn these attention hogs too harshly; basking in the romantic limelight gives a “shot of adrenaline to their ego” that boosts their own low self-confidence.  The Journey 4. Some people have trouble choosing their own romantic partners, so they aren’t helpful in scoping prospects for you, either. A recent University of Indiana study suggests that people note the preferences of others — regardless of whether they’re friends or strangers — to make their own search for a mate more efficient. This stems from the idea that “who others like might be a good choice for ourselves,” according to Skyler Place, a researcher in UI’s Department of Psychological and Brain Studies who coauthored the study, along with Peter M. Todd, a professor in the university’s Cognitive Science Program. Frank Kermit, relationship coach and author of From Loser to Seducer, cites another reason: sometimes people don’t trust their own judgment when it comes to finding someone else attractive.  Learn The Ethics of Seduction 5. You’re hunting for a date, but your friend’s a natural-born poacher. University of Texas psychology professor David Buss coined the term “mate poaching” to refer to people’s tendencies to try to steal romantic partners away from others. Geraci believes the principle applies equally to singles on the prowl, saying that “it’s a convenient way to find a mate because someone else is doing a lot of the work.” Singles should use caution when choosing wingmen or wing women; watch out for those friends who exhibit potential poaching tendencies and avoid going out with them when you’re looking for dates. After all, when you’ve engaged a prospect that piques your pals’ interest, “it’s like bringing your kill into a pack of hyenas,” warns Geraci.  Stop Letting Her Use You Mending a “broken wing” relationship Before you try to mend your relationship with a failed wingman or wing woman, make sure you’re not misreading any signals — like the silent cues that your tall, dark and handsome (or blonde and beautiful) target sends that indicate your attraction isn’t mutual after all. According to matchmaker and etiquette coach Joy Nordenstrom, the three biggest clues that your flirting is indeed being reciprocated include: direct eye contact, mirroring (i.e., your crush copies your body movements) and leaning in to get physically closer to you. If it’s still obvious your friend’s crossed a boundary, here’s one solution: exclude him or her from social situations where you might connect with someone romantically. Advises Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D., author of The Unofficial Guide to Dating Again: “that’s how you teach people that they’re socially unacceptable,” though she considers an intervention to be worthwhile if you believe your friend’s bad behavior is unintentional. If you do decide to stage an impromptu bathroom meeting to interrupt the offender’s advances, Kirschner recommends keeping it positive — like asking your cousin to tell the ladies about your smooth salsa moves, then adding that you’ll be ready to take the lead on the dance floor right after the next song begins.  Setting Your Boundaries Establishing the rules of engagement If you really want your wingman or wing woman to “rise to the occasion,” says Nordenstrom, establish some rules of engagement first so that it’s clear “you’re playing on the same team.” Start by clarifying your goals for the outing, and have your friend do the same. Agree to put each other in the best light possible throughout the evening — from subtly pointing out the broccoli in your friend’s teeth to bragging about his or her tennis skills. Think of flattering stories to share about your friend or make a mental note of his or her most attractive features before you go out together. Mutually agree on a code word (like “yesterday”) to indicate you’re interested in someone so both of you don’t end up inadvertently flirting with the same person. If you end up eyeing the same hottie without realizing it, take a beat by yourselves to discuss and compare your desire levels on a scale of 1 to 10. A good wingman or wing woman knows when “to step back,” but as Tessina also cautions, “every person you meet isn’t Mr. [or Ms.] right” — so choose your showdowns wisely!  Understanding on an Emotional Level Flying solo: is it an option? The insights we’ve shared here should help you choose a wingman or wing woman that brings out the absolute best in you — because, according to Nordenstrom, when your romantic radar reacts, you often “have a very short window to make a strong impression.” Or, try flying solo — Kirschner believes you may unleash your “inner charisma” when you’re forced to conquer your shyness and/or social anxiety. If you attempt a solo recon mission for scouting dating prospects and spend all night cowering next to the bathroom instead, finding a friendly co-pilot you can rely on is definitely the better way to fly! ***Disclaimer: DEAR READERS: This was an article written by Christine Champ for Match.com that Frank Kermit was quoted in. All rights, titles and interests in the article remain with the author and Match.com Author Bio: Christine Champ is a freelance writer based in the Northwest. Her writing has appeared on MSN.com, MSNBC.com, Film.com and in The Seattle Times.  Find The Right Sex Toys For A Couple by Dr Stacy Friedman  Safe Guard Your Lovers Pride How to Find the Right Toy for a Couple By Dr. Stacy Friedman Whether you’re a beginner or more advanced in using adult toys, knowing what toy to bring into your relationship may be confusing. Some people may feel that they are less of a lover or not capable enough to please their partner if they need or want to use toys, but that can’t be further from the truth! Toys are great if you want to spice things up! They can enhance any relationship and can even help with difficulty in having orgasms.
Here are some tips so you know what toys may be best for what you need.
Believe it or not 75% of women can’t have an orgasm through intercourse so this helps take some of the pressure off! Just make sure lube is used when putting the ring on or it may not slide on very comfortably…ouch!
The plug is a great prostate stimulator so anyone can enjoy anal play. Give some oral or have intercourse and then feel the intensity of your orgasm! Don’t knock it until you try it! The most important thing is deciding together, as a couple, what is best and just be open to trying something new. If it doesn’t work, then try something else but be open to variety, as it is the spice of life! Written by: Dr. Stacy Friedman About The Author Dr. Stacy Friedman, DHS, CSC Dr. Stacy is the founder of Creating Intimacy Coach, Inc. She got involved in the field of Clinical Sexology because of her passion for helping people learn to experience the best sexual intimacy with themselves and with their partner(s). She holds a Doctorate degree in Human Sexuality, a Masters in Clinical Sexology and is a Certified Sex Coach. Dr. Stacy is a member of WASC (World Association of Sex Coaches), and of the ACS (American College of Sexologists), which shows she has earned top credentials in her field. She also has a BA in Psychology and a Registered Diagnostic Medical and Vascular Sonographer. Sex Coaching is designed to help women, men, and people of any sexual orientation or gender address their concerns about sexuality, sexual function and sexual expression. Additionally, since 2006, Dr. Stacy has been a consultant selling adult novelties and has coached and educated many people in a fun, positive approach to love, romance and in all aspects of sexuality. Her education and personal, spiritual and sexual journey, including life experience uniquely enables her to help people to face the challenges that may lie ahead and to achieve their goals. If you would like to discuss a concern in greater detail, you may contact Dr. Stacy at 561-899-7669 or by email at [email protected] for a complimentary consultation. Dr. Stacy works with all aspects of sexuality and specializes in women’s issues, low libido, couples with mismatched sex drives and LGBTQ concerns. Coaching sessions are available by phone, Skype (international coaching is offered) and in office sessions located in South Florida, US. www.DrStacy.org Your Creating Intimacy Coach www.facebook.com/DrStacySexCoach Twitter- DrStacySexCoach LinkedIn- DrStacy “My passion is to help you create yours” - Dr. Stacy xo ************************************************* P.S. Do you Agree With This Article? Disagree? Have something to Add? Write your thoughts in the comments below and share this article to see how many of your friends think like you.  Sign Up for Frank Coaching  5 Tips To Make Your Home More Seductive - Pimp Your Pad Your Home is Your Seduction By Frank Kermit Your date is coming over to your place! You have seen each other a couple of times already, but this is different. This is YOUR PLACE, not some coffee shop or movie theatre or restaurant. This is home field advantage. And why not? After all, there is no cover charge, you do not have to share a public washroom with strangers, you can put your feet up, a meal is way cheaper, and you can even prepare the meal together as part of the fun! What could possibly go wrong? Well, depending on how you live at home...plenty could go wrong, and even though you might be able to keep your date intrigued enough, your place could be a turn off in ways you might not know.
However, there are pitfalls. If your home is not a warm and receptive environment that makes visitors feel invited to overstay their welcome, you could inadvertently be pushing away your hearts desire.
On occasion, I make coaching house calls for people that seek out to create an alluring seductive homestead to help them attract sexual partners and/or relationship candidates. Some people may require an objective eye to help them spot those idiosyncrasies that the proprietor may be oblivious too.
Here are some general guidelines
If you only bring out certain candles when a date arrives, or put a particular bottle in the fridge, or move your furniture around to create an ideal setting, it is best to always have those candles out, your bottles in the fridge and your furniture in the ideal settings at all times. The energy levels you will take on your date that you saved from a massive cleaning will be well reserved to help create an outstanding evening.
A bathroom that creeps out a person will have a very different effect than one with appropriate artwork (see above), scented candles already lit, a fresh shower curtain and a sparkling toilet. If you want to have a spectacular love life at your home, and you do not have the time or the inclination to clean the bathroom, hire a cleaner to come over for a couple of hours each week to scrub it down. It is worth the investment.
The key factor is that those toiletries stay at your place after your lover leaves in the morning, and it encourages your over night guests to want to come over again, especially when they know they already have their own toiletries there Making the effort of pimping your pad can be the difference between using your toilet to enhance your love life, or your love life being in the toilet. Frank Kermit  If you liked this article, check out the program it was based on P.S. Do you Agree With This Article? Disagree? Have something to Add? Write your thoughts in the comments below and share this article to see how many of your friends think like you.  Sign up for Frank Coaching Right Now!  Athlete and Vixen: Making of a Pole Dancer - Part II Athlete and Vixen: Making of a Pole Dancer - Part II by Melanie Lynch I last posted about Pole dancing being a sport and that not all Pole dancers are strippers but I asked the question ‘what is so wrong with stripping anyway?’ When I started Pole dancing I found that I would get so frustrated with everyone implying I was a stripper. As years went by I started participating in more shows and met so many great women. They were all out there trying to be brave, showing up in small costumes and hoping they would put on a performance. Some of these fantastic women were almost naked and some were actually stripping. I marvelled at them and loved them for the courage on stage but quickly learned that although they were strong on stage backstage they were nervous balls of energy getting their courage up and trying to remember their routines. I discovered that there really was nothing different between them and me. So once again, let’s start at the beginning. When I started my Pole journey, I went to my first class and I was wearing full-length leggings and a tank top. To me this was revealing. As we progressed I needed to climb and so the leggings changed to shorts. I learned to hold the Pole between my legs (yes, I am aware of how that sounded) and the shorts got a lot smaller. Then the ultimate thing happened, I started to flip upside down and needed to position the Pole across my abdomen. So my tank tops needed to turn into a crop top or sports bra. Let me tell you, after you have had three children, your first instinct is not to show off the stomach area. As I stood there, I had to fight the urge to cover my stomach with my hands. But Pole is so much more than exercise. It’s a community. A loving, welcoming community that encourages women to not apologize for the way they look. These ladies push you to grow, express yourself and be bold! At the same time as I started attending Pole shows, I also started going to Burlesque shows. The first time I went to one, I was completely blown away. I had never seen anything like it. These women came out with the most amazing, decadent, creative costumes and performed with such sublime beauty that it took my breath away. They were stripping but the show was more than just removing their clothes, it was a celebration of beauty, whether it was the movement, the costumes or the woman themselves, it was simply beautiful. I had the privilege to watch one performer named Coco Framboise who came on stage wearing the massive fur boa which she slowly undressed behind. It was a cheeky tease because you would only see glimpses of her caramel skin behind the white softness of the fluffy boa. She was mesmerizing and the crowd absolutely loved her. There’s nothing like the crowds at these shows. The first thing you notice about these crowds is that they consist largely of women and these women scream, shout and catcall the performers in encouragement. They show their appreciation for what is happening on stage. I was drawn to try this too and so signed up for the Coco Framboise School of Burlesque. I wanted to learn how to exude that kind of confidence and beauty.
I once read one of those Facebook postcards that said something like “some women feel empowered by covering themselves while others by taking their clothes off, who are we to judge” and it spoke to me. There’s a lot of criticism about women taking their clothes off or objectifying themselves and I won’t go into all their arguments here. You can’t take two steps without running into their voices and you can go read about it yourselves. There’s something to me that just doesn’t fit about this mindset.
WE are strong and determined. We do not want to be told anything about ourselves anymore. We own our lives, our bodies and the way we choose express ourselves. You are not qualified to judge me or others who enjoy this activity. This is our choice. Why is it wrong to be us? We are not hurting you or ourselves. In fact we are having fun and life should be fun. Maybe no one will understand what we are trying to do and that’s ok but all I ask is that the judgment stop, and that you just sit back and enjoy the show since we have worked hard to pull it together! If you think I am crazy and wrong, well that’s ok too because I have a whole community of women that are there with me cheering me on and supporting me every step of the way and I really didn’t choose to do it for you anyway. To read Part 1 of this series, http://www.franktalks.com/blog/-athlete-and-vixen-the-making-of-a-pole-dancer
The importance of continuing to show your love is highlighted in this contributed post. Most of life is very simple. We’re born, we love, we laugh, we cry, we die. When you make it easy, life is simply those steps and along every step, love is the central theme. We are born into love. We are taught to grow in love before we fall in love ourselves, and it’s the most beautiful emotion. Life may be simple, but love is not. Love is the most complicated emotion in the human spectrum of emotions. We all crave it, we all seek it and for the most part, we cherish it once we have it. It comes from different places: children, partners and parents, and it means different things to everyone.  kiss romantic couple https://tinyurl.com/kwta5c3 Falling in love for the first time is one of the most meaningful experience you’ll ever have. The relationships that we have shape who we are as people and even when you think a short relationship doesn’t matter, there’s always an impact. You have to make love count where you can and live it in the moment rather than dismiss it from life, or you can end up becoming cynical about it. When you think back to the start of your relationship, you probably remember the fun. The sparks that flew, the dates you went on and the fizz in your stomach when they smiled at you are all memorable dating moments.  kiss romantic couple https://tinyurl.com/k6thmmr Relationships do go stale and boring as time goes on; it’s an inevitability. But it comes from lack of effort. They only become boring if both parties aren’t putting their absolute all into it. You can’t be gifted with a great love and allow it to rot – you need to nurture it and let it thrive between you. The effort has to come from both of you and if you make it spontaneous and exciting every day, you’ll have a love that counts. Making love last through the years depends on the way you treat it. See the best in the person you’re with – they’re not going to be perfect but looking at the good qualities that they have over the bad is going to end things far earlier than you may imagine. The one thing that’s different when time passes, is the effort that gets put in. There are plenty of ways that you can make an effort for your relationship and the tips available on www.mydatingsolutions.com are fantastic and can really help you with those early dating nerves. When you make love count in your relationship, you can keep that romance and passion alive. You don’t need to do huge gestures in your relationship, even the smallest gestures can be appreciated and cherished. Always be thoughtful with any gestures you make and be grateful for those that you also receive.  romantic mood https://tinyurl.com/mojvjk8 You don’t have to be at the beginning of a relationship to have passion and romance. You can carry this throughout a whole relationship from beginning to whenever it ends – early or til death do you part! Did you know that one of the most important ways to show your love and affection is simply to listen? Listening is the cornerstone of any great, successful relationship and it’s not just the goals and the fun you should be paying attention to. Listen to the rants and the upset and the stresses they are experiencing. There’s nothing more romantic than someone who sits up and takes notice of you and your life. Get to know each other every day and keep things fresh. When the relationship is going a bit stale or boring – as they often do – don’t wait for it to fizzle out. Stand up and make your love count for you both.  heart in hand https://tinyurl.com/ljbv7ca There are so many ways you can make love last in your life and having compassion is key. When you embark on a brand-new relationship, wooing is key. It’s not flowers, chocolates and dinners you need to use to woo them, but your humour and happiness and ability to show compassion. Understand their needs, be sympathetic to their desires and look for any way you can show them an act of kindness. If you’ve been married for several years, you can still show the person you love compassion and romance, and it’s even more important in a marriage. Making love last isn’t about the material things, it’s about how you can be your whole self with someone and how you can take notice of the little things. Sliding doors moments of relationships like these are the ones that count the most, such as companionably brushing teeth together before bed or making an effort to clear up a mess instead of pointing it out. Those moments are overlooked too often and they are the ones that people should be cherishing.  kiss romantic couple https://tinyurl.com/lnezjqm Affection, passion and romance are all things that people crave with their love. Pay attention to their needs, make sure you kiss every day and make sure you spend time just laughing together. Laughter is the best thing for any relationship, new or old, to bloom. Older relationships grow into a mature love that doesn’t always need the fizz and bang of early relationship wonders, but there’s nothing wrong with having a little fizz! Mature love is usually diluted by children, jobs and distractions that secure your relationship but pull you apart romantically and make you forget those early days of passion. Rediscover them. Date each other all over again and do all the things you started out doing when you first fell in love.
You can make love count in thousands of ways, too many to list, and those ways all go hand in hand with effort for each other. If you want something to work, make it happen. If you want to fall in love again after a break up, make it happen. Put yourself out there and try hard for yourself. Love doesn’t just fall into our laps, it takes work and it’s wonderful and frustrating all at once. Once you’ve experienced it, it’s all you’ll crave. Make it count!  This is a Guest Contribution Vibrators Are Not Your Competition! by Karly Stein I hear this from men all the time, “I can please her better than a vibrator can” “She won’t need that when she’s with me”. Recently, on a Facebook group page I read word from a man stating that vibrators were his number one competition. Well here’s the truth…. It’s not a competition!!
10 Reasons why you need to appreciate the vibrator!
Men provide much more to a woman than a vibrator can! Women seek from men: companionship, love, touch, protection and more. All things a vibrator can’t provide and that is why vibrators are not competition for men. So embrace the vibrator, understand that it is your ally. Have fun and be safe. If you need more help in area of dating and relationship, schedule a free 30 minute discovery call at www.KarlyStein.com ! *********** Karly Stein of www.KarlyStein.com is your Wing Woman when it comes to dating and relationships. She is the host of Dating, Mating and Relating with Karly Stein on www.tapthemicradio.com. Author of 101 Ideas to Create Fun and Memorable Dates and the upcoming book Anatomy of a Bad Boy, How to be the Nice Guy and Still Get the Girl. In 2012, Karly started her path into this industry by signing up to Sell Intimate Products and she quickly discovered that she loved learning everything she could about dating, relationships, intimacy and sex and then discovered a passion for teaching about it. In 2014, She took a Passion and Intimacy Coaching Certification course and that quickly changed her path into coaching. Karly is passionate about men stay out of the friend zone in relationships and helping women fully embrace their feminine side. Karly Studied Communications and studio art at the University of Denver. She currently lives in Denver, CO. Burlesque is a poetic and sensual means of entertainment that typically includes striptease and comedy, generally performed in cabarets, theaters and clubs. As with music, each performance has a style, an emotion and a story of its own!  https://tinyurl.com/kcbdhgm READ THE HISTORY OF BURLESQUE BELOW Burlesque, the title was originally founded in Europe in the early 1600’s: as a form of satire that was expressed in manuscripts. It was later picked up in theatrical works all through the 17th century until the Victorian era and then became widely popular in the 1860s to the 1940s, notably in Hollywood film between the 1930s and 1960s. Burlesque entertainment can be interpreted as ridicule, extravagant, sexy and daunting. Today, the burlesque we know is a celebration of femininity and sensuality that features all types of body types.  Image of Dirty Martini /photographer: https://www.roxidlite.com/ Model: Roxi D'Lite  https://www.facebook.com/GorskyPhoto/ READ THE HISTORY OF BURLESQUE BELOW THE WORD BURLESQUE IN HISTORY Late Latin: burra "trifle, nonsense," literally "flock of wool." French: burlesque 1660s, "derisive imitation, grotesque parody," Italian: burlesco, from burla "joke, fun, mockery," THE MODERN USE OF THE WORD BURLESQUE Originally (1857) "the sketches at the end of minstrel shows." American English (1870) "variety show featuring striptease" Online Etymology Dictionary, © 2010 Douglas Harper Every year, for the past twelve years, we have reinvented ourselves to offer the absolute best in burlesque because deep down inside, we believe that nothing is sexier than feeling at ease with ourselves, surrounded by like-minded people who are comfortable with their sensuality. And while our stunning performers set the perfect example for that: self-acceptance, freedom and wild abandon, you are all invited to join our movement. Don’t just watch Burlesque. BE Burlesque! AuthorFrank Mondeose is the owner of Monde Osé is which is a lifestyle brand focused on promoting the understanding and enjoyment of life, love and sensuality. This is a guest post.  Athlete and Vixen – The Making of a Pole Dancer  Photo copyright Brian Thompson image of Melanie Lynch Part I I am 43 years old, married to a great man, have a really good job at a medical company and I have three beautiful daughters aged 8, 11 and 15. I grew up in the suburbs, was a good girl and went to a top school and graduated with a great education. So why would I be a pole dancer? I mean isn’t that like a stripper? The answer is simple but still complex; yes it is and no it’s not. Let me start at the beginning. I decided to go to a class because I really like dancing and I was a stay at home mom who felt like the walls were closing in on me. I couldn’t really find a dance class that seemed right for me and I signed up for a six week session thinking it was a very limited commitment. I was very nervous and told no one what I was doing. It was a small class and we worked on building strength in our arms, so let me tell you we women do not work on this! Holding myself up for 5 seconds was an impossible task and I could never imagine doing a whole song. After that we would work on a trick or a move and I loved it. It was gymnastics for adults with dance moves to tie it all together. It was so much fun. We women would go, laugh at ourselves because the attempts to get these moves can be pretty hilarious and we would get some exercise. Let me say a word about the exercise part. I never, ever felt like I was working out. I was going to class just to have fun but suddenly my body transformed. I built beautiful shoulders, muscled back and arms and eventually even started getting some pretty decent abs. That’s how it started, my little class where I laughed and got fit and danced. I loved it, but it’s pole dancing…. Telling people you are a pole dancer is very interesting. There’s a very definite reaction. It’s not like telling someone you teach yoga. They try to be cool and supportive and you get a lot of people saying ‘cool … umm that looks hard’. This is usually where I respond ‘it is!’ and start telling people how hard it is and the core strength one needs and how hard we all train. I want to say for the record pole fitness/dancing is as much a sport and fitness endeavor as anything out there. We all cross train and work extremely hard to master the moves and tricks. At the end of the day, this is gymnastics. We suffer broken bones, concussions and bruises, Oh the bruises! The horrified looks you get when people see the bruises when you’re training for a competition are amazing. The next time you see a woman wearing long sleeves and pants in the middle of summer she may just be a pole dancer. Pole dancers work on muscle building, coordination, flexibility and balance. A lot goes into these routines. There’s performance, musicality, costume and creative concept as well as defying gravity with strength and skill. We also have to make it look easy. No judge wants to see you gasping for breath at the end of your routine. So why would you not think this is a sport? The Canadian Pole Fitness Association (CPFA) holds regular competitions that have required elements for every level. There are strict guidelines about costume and what can and can’t be done. The women and men that compete are athletes plain and simple. Several pole organizations are making great strides in getting the IOC to recognize pole as an Olympic sport. There’s always one thing that hangs over our heads though…it’s a pole. Strippers use them. The routines can be sexy and typically there are barely any clothes worn. Let me set the record straight pole requires skin contact on the pole to hold yourself, otherwise you slip. If you plan to take your hands off the pole then the clothes will become smaller. There’s no difference than wearing a bathing suit or a gymnastic leotard. Sexy is a much harder thing to address. In the beginning I would always say that dancing and expressing yourself in that way leads to body movement than can beautiful and sexy. Almost all dances have that element built into it, and pole dance is no different. Does a person dancing the tango or the rumba carry the stigma of a pole dancer? I still believe this wholeheartedly but I hate that when I say that I sound like I am trying to distance myself from women who dance in an erotic manner and even those who take off their clothes. You can certainly be a pole dancer and really not at all relate to that world, but for all of us who so strip or are simply dipping our toe in it, then ‘HELL yes! Go for it girl!’ There’s nothing wrong with that but just because you pole dance it does not automatically mean you’re a stripper. But for me the question is ‘what so wrong with stripping anyway?’
 A DRAG KINGS STORY I'm a 55 year old lesbian and I've seen a lot of our history. Short version, everybody knows what a Drag Queen is so simply put, a Drag King is the opposite, a woman that dresses like a man for the purposes of putting on a show. But drag kinging is way more multi layered than that. When I was first coming out in the 80's lesbians were starting to slowly come out of the closet more and more and I remember most of us having short hair and a certain look that made it easy for us to recognize one another. As we started to fight for our equal rights, something changed. I'd hear lesbians saying that we'd never get anywhere if we didn't try to fit in more and look more "straight". As the desire for equal rights grew so did the sightings of what was then called "lipstick lesbians"which were women that looked more traditionally "feminine". That brought on a certain disdain for women like me, Butches. Butches were not good for the cause and it made "other" lesbians look bad, as we tried too hard to prove to the heterosexual community that we were "just like them." Now that pretty much everyone has evolved in the straight community as well as the gay one, we are now ready for Drag Kings. We are more relaxed and ready to just enjoy the differences and similarities in our sexualities. I am no longer a threat. Personally I've always just felt like I was very much a woman, with some masculine traits. I think we all have a bit of both. It's a ladder and some are higher up on the ladder than others. Drag Kinging for me is strictly a performance deal but for others it was a stepping stone to transitioning. Also we are not all gay even though many of us are. In the beginning i thought my performance would appeal strictly to lesbians but as I embark on my 15th year of performing I've noticed that I've been attracting more and more heterosexuals to my shows. My persona is an uneducated sexist know-it-all with a huge ego. Both sexes feel like I'm on their side in the battle of the sexes and they're both right. I get the bad stuff men put women through, but being a lesbian I also understand how women can be in a relationship and what guys go through. Dating A Drag King There are many kinds of kings and we are attracted to many types of people. Like I said, some that I know are straight and some date women or trans gender people. Personally for me, the more feminine the better. I'm a sucker for the burlesque women and luckily our paths cross often. I think it's easier to date someone in the artistic milieu since they understand how things work and don't get upset if you spend a lot of time performing and practicing. For performers no matter the type of performance, it's the air we breath. Also if you're the jealous type, don't even think about it because there will be pictures of me everywhere with my face in someone's cleavage. You'll have to trust that I am a faithful partner and that it's just all showbiz and image. At the moment i'm single. Well it's been nice talking to you, if you have any questions, write here in the comments or find me through my website below! Now you have learned something new! Go and enjoy a King Show sometime
Below is an interview that both Frank Kermit and Nat King Pole participated in:  reality vs fantasy quotes Is Your Fantasy Keeping You Single?
Holding Out for a Fantasy when Dating By Frank Kermit Fantasies can be fun. Imagining new adventures, exploring new life times, pretending to envision the effects of choices you could have or still can make, is a wondrous way to see what your life could be like. In dating, however, those same warm, wonderful fantasies could be at the very source of why a person perpetually remains single. Holding out for a fantasy is one of the mistakes that singles make that keeps them single. This is not to be confused with a person who has such high standards that he or she ends up just too picky to end their stay in the world of singledom. Although both have roots in unreasonable expectations, the difference here is that a person with higher standards may have not yet made the interrogation of figuring out what they have as an absolute boundary, and what is merely a preference for their love life. A person who is holding out for a fantasy is trapped in a dream world, clinging to the hope that a mere mortal human being will do impossible feats (such as agree with everything you say, and hang on your every whim, and only live to serve your needs). The fantasy holder is willing to pass up real people who are good candidates for dating because of the real flaws that all humans have. Some people who are trapped holding out for a fantasy may have been hypnotizing themselves for years (even from the time of their childhood) of what their future soul mate will look like, pegged that person’s career or social status, and have already planned out how they will meet, to the point where they scripted the entire perfect dialogue of what that person will say to ignite the ultimate chemistry. (Evidently, a decently good-looking stranger approaching them in regular conversation saying they should hang out is just not good enough to merit a chat over a cup of coffee.) The fantasy is like an award nominated story, turned into an award-winning movie with just the right mix of romance, suspense, drama, passion and of course, humor. Almost brings a tear to the eye, at the euphoric climatic moment of the fantasy when the chance meeting turns into true love. Sadly, however, when fantasy comes crashing into concrete reality, reality tends to win. There is no real human being that can win when in competition with an internal fantasy. Human beings, and for that matter real life, simply cannot beat a succulent well-crafted fantasy of dating love and romance. Real human beings do real things like blow their nose, get nervous, sweat, and have their own unique idiosyncrasies that can be charming in their own right, but generally a potential turn off if unknowingly going up against a hot brash fantasy concoction. Singles, who are drunk on their own fantasy potion, tend to remain single. Perhaps that is a good thing, as it takes a certain level of maturity to merit a serious long term relationship, and a person lost in a fantasy world of how dating is supposed to be, tends not to be the kind of partner that can be counted on, regardless of how well intention-ed their hearts might be. Stay real people. Learn The Emotional Needs Mastery System Check out the Benefits of COACHING  Emotional Needs of Women: Mother-Lover Theory The Mother-Lover Theory:
Understanding the Emotional Needs of Women By Frank Kermit A woman can only play one of two roles in a man's life. She is either his mother or his lover. She cannot be both. When a man addresses a woman's emotional needs, her mothering instinct is halted, and thus by default, she feels more of a pull to potentially being his lover. When a man violates a woman's emotional needs, her mothering instincts kick in, and she feels more mothering feelings towards him, and feels pushed away from potentially being his lover. For example, one of the emotional needs of a woman is the protection of her most important asset: her reputation. When a woman is around a man that hurts the reputation of other women when he is around her, she knows that she cannot fully let her guard down. She has to be the adult in the dynamic because the man is not mature enough to appreciate how un-calibrated (and possibly creepy) his behavior is. Since she feels the need to be the adult in the situation in order to make sure that she does not inadvertently say anything around him that he could repeat to others (in the same way he is speaking poorly about others in front of her), she is enacting a behavior that is akin to how a mother must be careful of her wording, least an infant repeats her words in an inappropriate manner. When a man actively presents himself as a gentleman that does not kiss and tell, and that does not speak disparagingly of other women in front of her, she can let her guard down enough to feel comfortable with him to the point of being intimate with him, knowing her reputation will not be in any way tarnished by him. She does not have to be akin to a mother afraid of what an infant will repeat, because she recognizes that she is dealing with a man, not a little boy, that is mature enough for her to enter into mature relations with. Male friends of women, specially those men that are in love with their women friends, but their women friends refuse to date them have actually violated her emotional needs. This is WHY male friends have been banished into the sexless friend-zone. If there was one common element that all "just friends" males have exhibited, it is that at some point, and usually in an ongoing fashion, these men make their female friends feel like they have to mother these guys. These nice guys, can be good friends (very giving friends at that), but they do not engender feelings that would make her want to be his lover, because he makes her feel like his mother. He likely tells her his problems, seeking the validation of her approval, and wants her to make the first move. All these behaviors force her into a mothering role in his life and that kills any potential of sexual attraction. Men that are a challenge, to the point of being jerks at times, address women's emotional needs indirectly, which is why many women can not help but love those -bad boys-. Despite all the negatives that can be attributed to bad boys, the one thing that makes many bad boys so gosh darn appealing to women is the fact that bad boys do not tolerate any mothering behaviors from the women who love them. Bad boys will not ask their lovers for -mothering- advice; bad boys will do what they want to do without needing approval. Bad boys don't like listening to a woman's helpful suggestions, as they act out to stop her "nagging". In fact, the most notorious player type bad boys reject and even chastise their lovers for trying to do things for them (like cleaning the house or doing their laundry) because those bad boys interpret those actions as her trying to evolve some sort of control over him (she gets to check up on his stuff to see what he has been up to). Men who refuse to be controlled by the actions of women, even if those actions were meant as a form of courtesy and not control, constantly challenge her mothering instinct and thus she can not help but find him sexually appealing. Long-term couples experience this issue but in a different way. At the beginning of the relationship, a man addresses a woman's emotional needs and she feels like being his lover. However, over the course of their long term relationship, they settle into a comfortable routine, where she finds herself becoming more and more of his mother, and feels less and less like his lover. Men tend to be oblivious to this effect, because part of the emotional needs of men is to identify femininity as women being courtesy. When courtesy is taken too far however, it becomes mothering. A man will not even realize this until a woman expresses how unhappy or resentful she has become in the relationship. I am suggesting a message to all people that have women partners, especially to those relationships that have children where the woman spends most of her entire time being "mom" or "step mom". Make sure that you remind your lady that she is more than just her children's mother. She is also your lover. Make her feel like your lover by making sure that at least for one day, she does not feel like her partner's mother too. Learn The Emotional Needs Mastery System  The Secret of Seduction Is That it Happens... The Secret Of Seduction is that it Happens in the Future
By Frank Kermit The future is where actual seduction takes place. That is the key and secret to seduction. It has very little to do with turning someone on when you see them. If you happen to run into someone that is already attracted to you for the way you look, the way you carry yourself, or your presumed status in that environment, that is not seduction. That is getting lucky. That person already liked you, and all you have to do is not screw it up by acting creepy, obnoxious or socially awkward. In fact, if someone already likes you enough just because of such factors, you end up getting a higher margin for errors in case you do act in an unattractive way. In those cases, you get the connection, not because of your unattractive qualities, but in spite of them. The principle behind the secret of seduction happening in the future is that if you can get the other person to create a future with you in their minds, you have begun the process of seducing that person. For example, when talking about your future hopes, dreams and goals it is seductive to also include the fact that you want someone to share that future with, and demonstrate the role that the person you are talking to (or a hypothetical someone else) could fill in your life. The more you can elaborate describing where someone can fit into your life, the more that person will build a future with you in their minds. That builds up attachment and attraction. The premise behind this is that although our conscious minds can differentiate between reality and fantasy, our subconscious mind does not. According to the subconscious mind your fantasy is as real as the reality of the situation, and your emotions react to your fantasies as if they were real. That is why, each time you remember something (whether a good experience or a bad one) you may also relive the emotions of it, and carry those emotions into your present day life. That is why one of the ways to get over someone is to break the pattern of imagining what your life would have been like if you had stayed together. Get it? This is not some kind of manipulative tactic. It is a way human beings process information and emotionally react to it. In fact, most of us do it to ourselves all the time. If you have ever fallen for someone that you did not even date yet, it is because of this principle. People seduce themselves. We get ourselves attached to careers we never tried, vacations we never had, and people we have never dated just because we spend so much time fantasying about what it is going to be like in the future, that we get confused between the fantasy future we build, and the reality that we have not even had the job interview, traveled to the location nor had the first date. This is why when you are interested in someone; the longer you wait to make a first move, the worse it is. If you spend your time day dreaming about dating someone instead of making your move, the fictional future you are creating will actually make being a real relationship with that person even more difficult. You will not only be distracted from getting to know that person, you will also have to battle your own unrealistic expectations that could cloud your objectivity. The reality of dating will never live up to the fantasy of dating, and you could end up disappointed and break away from an actual emotionally healthy love because you were too caught up in forcing that person to live up to the mold you created in your head. Now, can you imagine what it would be like to talk to this person, find common traits with this person, share personal experiences with this person, and have this person be an important part of your life even though you do not really know this person? If you can, I will see you in the future. Purchase the 10th Anniversary Edition of the Autobiography: FROM LOSER TO SEDUCER- THE AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF FRANK KERMIT Purchase the Audio Book based on the original edition of the Autobiography: AUDIO-BOOK FROM LOSER TO SEDUCER- THE AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF FRANK KERMIT Purchase the Audio Book on The Ethics of Seduction: HOW TO BE THE ETHICAL SEDUCER Purchase the Audio Book on how to decorate your Bachelor Pad (and see the awesome video presentation on that page!) PIMPING YOUR PAD  5 Tips for Women for Dating A Male Porn Star 5 TIPS FOR DATING A MALE PORN STAR
by Adhimu Stewart aka Malcolm Lovejoy Gather 'round, good people! Ladies, women, girls (over 18!) and all femme-identified individuals in the world that have this dream: I can show & tell you what it's like to have a relationship with a male porn star! Are you sick of throwing up in your mouth a little bit every time you listen to the opinions and thoughts of the average man trying to pick you up at the bar or in the club? Are you fed up with being catcalled and wolf-whistled when you walk down the street or go to the mall? Are you infuriated by the overwhelming mountain of obnoxious and offensive texts and emails you get every day in your Plenty of Fish/OKCupid/Tinder/Facebook/online profile, and you're just about ready to delete every account and picture you ever put on the internet? Well, don't do it just yet, please! Yes, I know: the state of modern men is outright dangerous to erotically engage with at worst, if not rather atrocious, depressing, uninspiring, and downright frustrating at best. Dating is a disaster zone where few people escape with their heart and happiness intact, and courtship rituals in Western civilization have drastically decomposed since the days of cowboys and dainty misses, where a man could not even speak to a woman in public if he had not been formally introduced to her, or she didn't wave him over with one of the many signals she possessed in her arousal arsenal, whether it be fanning her face rapidly, or dropping her handkerchief demurely. In 2017, the male courtship ritual might consist of sending a dick pic and a "I'm ready, u up?" text message at 2:13 AM to any woman he can! But, (pardon to use a cliche) NOT ALL MEN are guilty of such callous, selfish and dysfunctional relationship-building behaviour! I, Adhimu Stewart, am a Canadian feminist porn actor, and Professional Love Maker. I have sex with women on camera, and with people for their private fantasies off-camera, too! So, let me tell you what it's like to have a relationship with a porn star (in the making), for those who are curious! Sexy Revelations: 1) No two porn stars are exactly alike, therefore no two relationships with porn stars will be alike. Some porn stars specialize in penis size, muscles, domination, team-sex scenes, rough talk & action, or romantic, story-telling driven vignettes. And who he is on camera may only be a percentage of who he is off-camera! I know that there are things I do privately that I have chosen not to do sexually and publicly, for my own reasons. Every man may be the same, to a lower or higher degree. Will he want different sex with you than he has at work? Probably. Will you want to have a personalized experience with a porn star at home? Maybe it can happen! This may be one of the perks to dating a porn star. And this is what is called: a BENEFIT. Such as the benefits of bliss I felt when I recently made love to a ballerina!! So, yes. It will probably be quite different than any other relationship you have ever had. His average day will probably consist of him being naked, if not him having sex with someone, if not more than one person... so there's that. 2) Being with a porn star may take you to your sexual physical limits... and maybe past them!! Have you ever played hockey with an NHL player? Ever played basketball with an NBA star? Hell, have you ever played tennis with a Wimbledon champion? The experience is guaranteed to be something more intense than just playing a little pick-up game with your neighbors. Your sex, your conversations about sexual boundaries, your understanding of possible relationships, even your every day little interactions are probably going to be much more extreme than usual. I consider myself a sexual athlete, and I like to work up a sweat when I throw down in the bedroom (or bathroom, or living room, or...) Being with a porn star may take you to your sexual physical limits... and maybe past them!! Know yourself, and what you can handle. And if you want to take yourself beyond the limits you've felt with all previous men... then buckle up, and get ready to feel fantasy on a deeper level than you've ever known... Overtime in Game 7 of the Playoffs type magic! 3) It could become high-profile, even when you think you're low-key. I was walking with a lover to an event we had planned on attending together, and within 5 minutes, I had seen three different people from different places and circles of connection. My partner at the time was like "You are so popular! Is there ever a day when it's not like this for you? Can you go anywhere and be alone?" To which I replied "Not really!" So, being with someone that does porn MIGHT reduce your public incognito possibilities, if you are walking around with them. If they are very famous, you may get your own fame just by social media association. As we neared this event, I actually was tangled between three different lovers/former lovers/possible lovers all at once in the same subway station! I introduced them all to each other, and then laughed. #pornlife 4) Do you care what people think? It's one thing to have your privacy threshold reduced... but it's another thing to be exposed to more popularity for dating a porn star, and NOT be comfortable with it! There are levels to this biz. Do you care if your parents know? Do you care what your boss thinks? Do you mind if your drinking and smoking buddies are privy to this info? Does it matter to your extended family if you are dating someone "like that"? I'm not a fool. I am a lucky guy and I'm a evolved intellectual as well. I know most parents wouldn't be completely and totally comfortable with their daughter bringing home a porn star and saying "Mom and Dad, meet Malcolm Lovejoy! Yes, he is a nice guy. Where does he work? Oh, you can see his work online!" We are not living in a society that enlightened as yet, but I'm working on getting everyone there (have you seen my work? I'm not ashamed of it at all! But, I digress.) If you care what people think about your relationship, whether it's your parents or your friends on Facebook, then you will have to work that out internally, if your happiness is worth public judgement (hint: IT ALWAYS IS. But that's for you to choose...) 5) Are you the jealous type of girlfriend? Because if you are, your future with someone who has sex with other people for a living, then... you either are going to have to get REALLY GOOD at turning a blind eye and ear to where your boyfriend was all day yesterday or last night, or start accepting that maybe, just maybe, sex can be like any and every other human interaction humanity conducts every day. There is no reason that porn stars can't be treated like a gynecologist treats their patients or actors treat their co-stars. Porn is a job, and it is very possible (actually, it's pretty necessary and vital) to leave work at work when you go home at the end of the day of shooting porn. I don't have any on-going relationships with any of the lovely women I have shot porn with in the last 6 months. We are friends, and I may spend time with them in other ways, which is nice, but I don't mix business and pleasure in that way too often. I'd like to with a few porn stars, but I understand why many don't. It gets complicated, but it it manageable if you are honest. Every question a lover wants to know about my porn life, I will tell her only one answer: the truth. I have nothing to hide. I show my most recent STI tests to anyone that wants to know if I'm clean. I admit whether I shot a scene with or without condoms. Some days on a porn set don't even involve any penis-in-vagina sex! So, you never know what kind of day it will be, thus the jealousy can be taken apart through moment-to-moment scenarios. I'm coming home to you, and I'm not lying to you about anything I've done, so I promise to stay faithful to giving you love, passion, friendship, trust, joy and honesty. And TRUST ME, there are FEW things more sexy than being together with your partner and watching a porn movie they made... then getting inspired by it to do your own hot sexy stuff right after watching it! That's just the tip of the iceberg of being with a porn star. But I'm not your average porn star, so smile mileage may vary. If you want to know more, just ask me! Email: [email protected] Twitter: mindbendermind Facebook: Dr. Malcolm Jackson Lovejoy In Love and Joy, Malcolm aka Adhimu Stewart "Malcolm Lovejoy is the porn star of the future. A renaissance man like no other in adult entertainment, he is a romantic enthusiast on levels that would make Casanova proud. His feminist-focused approach to all things pornographic pushes his work into a category unlike most men in porn, as Malcolm's passion for providing multi-orgasmic satisfaction for his partners before spending time trying to give a money shot, his unparalleled oral skills, tender touch and ultra-athletic action-packed sex style makes Malcolm's porn a beautiful vision to behold for everyone lucky enough to see it! And in his first 2 years of filming, he has explored a wide variety of adult content, from heterosexual pleasure, to bondage & submissive play, female ejaculation scenes, solo masturbation, transgender scenes, sci-fi sex, pornographic music videos, and so much more. With over 50 scenes filmed thus far, and more on the way, his plans for 2017 and beyond are nothing but bring more of Malcolm Lovejoy's boundless beauty and sacred sexuality to the world for all people to be endlessly educated and entertained by..." This is a contributed post. Tarzan and Jane. Jack and Rose. Aragorn and Arwen. Nearly every famous and successful movie features a dreamy romantic couple who, despite the many barriers in their way, do everything they can to be together. Both men and women alike tend to fall easily for this stories, and can get quite caught up in them. But is it ever okay to use a relationship we see in a movie as the basis for our own? If you've ever watched a film, or even read a book that has a strong romantic plot, you may have found yourself lusting after one of the characters in said plot, or day dreaming about having a real life relationship reminiscent of the one in the story. While a little bit of harmless fantasy never caused anyone much trouble, you have to be aware of the dangers over-doing it can bring about.  hand holding https://pixabay.com/p-1149411/?no_redirect Movie relationships are often unattainable Many of the relationships we see being portrayed in films and in books are a caricature of real life - not real life itself. The characters in movies are usually placed in scenarios that rarely affect any of us in real life, such as being aboard a sinking cruise ship or living in a tropical rain forest! Therefore their actions are a reflection of the scenarios they find themselves in. Often, there is some kind of issue that gets in the way of them being together that they have to dramatically try to overcome. Real relationships are usually a lot more straightforward than this. You might consider that to be boring, but ask yourself if you genuinely could cope with the amount of drama you see in movie relationships. Paired with your other social responsibilities and a full time job, the prospect doesn't actually seem all that appealing!  couples therapy https://tinyurl.com/zt7bpm7 You lose sight of your current partner Many of us have harmless crushes on celebrities, or characters from books or films. But being so wrapped up in the idea of this character can potentially be destructive towards your real relationship. It means that your actual partner or spouse struggles to live up to the character you are coveting - because part of the beauty of the character is that they can do whatever you want them to in your imagination. This can make your real relationship seem dull in comparison. The number one thing to do is to work out how to bring excitement back to your real relationship, and to get some perspective on things with a service like Symmetry Counseling.  on the waterfront https://pixabay.com/p-597174/?no_redirect You can go for the wrong kind of partner
Many relationships in movies revolve around a damaged man or woman that the romantic interest must then try and 'save' - just look at Harley Quinn and the Joker from the recent Suicide Squad movie. While this is all fun and games on screen, in real life, this kind of relationship can actually be very stressful - plus, there's no guarantee it will actually work out (unlike a film where the ending is already written). Real love is about comfort and support, not danger and suspense - so play your cards wisely!  A Poly Date is when you go on a date with more than one person. Whereas a date is traditionally considered to be only between two people, a Poly Date is when 3 or more people all get together with the intent of carrying out a romantic date. A Poly Date For Valentine’s Day
By Frank Kermit A Poly Date is when you go on a date with more than one person. Whereas a date is traditionally considered to be only between two people, a Poly Date is when 3 or more people all get together with the intent of carrying out a romantic date. An old mentor of mine used to say that if you openly date more than one person at the same time, be very wary of Valentine’s Day. The mentor told me that it was a day that caused the break ups of all the relationships you were in, except the one you made plans with way ahead of time, as all your other partners will feel neglected that you did not choose them. I asked the mentor what was the best way to handle it? The old mentor told me to try to be out of town for that day to avoid it. I did not like that idea. Why try to hide and manipulate anyone? Why would it offend anyone if you were honest about dating non-exclusively? I decided that if I ever got to that point of openly dating more than one person at the same time, and Valentine’s Day came upon us, that I wanted to try something new. One year I did just that when I was casually seeing two girlfriends during a period of my life when I practiced consensual non-monogamy. Both knew that the other relationship existed and they both agreed to continue to date me. I had been honest about my non-monogamous lifestyle from the first date. I wanted to spend Valentine’s Day with both of them. I did not want to choose one over the other. I liked them both. So I did the opposite of what my mentor suggested. I was honest with both of them and invited them both to spend the whole day together. They agreed! None of us at the time had ever tried anything like this before. Both my girlfriends had previously only ever practiced monogamous relationships, while I had only practiced non-monogamy for a few years, but never had a poly date. Also note that neither of my girlfriends had previously met before. When I asked each girlfriend why she agreed to try it, they both said (among other things) that the novelty of the experience was a huge factor. Having never tried it, it was a new experience they were open too. The evening included a reservation at a nice restaurant in which I instructed the establishment to please set a table for three with the plates in a triangular placement. Given that it was Valentine’s Day, and that only couples filled up the restaurant, the three of us were getting quite a bit of attention that night (Especially from the restaurant staff). I played chauffeur while the two of them sat in the back seat together to get to know each other a little better. Then the three of us headed to a second location, a large high-end multi-level sex shop where they could use up their Valentine’s Day gift cards I had given each of them. While perusing the shop, I got to spend a little time alone with each of them. Finally, I took all three of us back to my place where we collaborated cutting fruit for chocolate fondue. It was a groundbreaking experience for me, and I made sure to tell both my girlfriends this and thanked them for being so open-minded. At one point the three of us were walking on the street arm and arm (and arm), a girlfriend on each side with me in the middle. There was no greater feeling. It put a smile on my face. Simple-total-pleasure. I really liked both these women and if things had gone a little differently I really do think I could have married either one, or even attempted an ongoing triad relationship. But life had other plans for the three of us. That Valentine’s Day was like no other for me personally. It was one of the most peaceful, endearing, healing, life changing, monumental, loving moments that I will treasure in memory for the rest of my life. At the time that it happened, I had NEVER had a good V-Day. Never. Until that moment in time, V-Day was the day that I either got dumped, had to end it with someone, or found myself alone. Since that time, I had more poly dates during the period when I practiced consensual non-monogamy, and have also had even better Valentine’s Days. My first Poly Date was a good experience, but not every Poly Date is going to go as smoothly. If you do attempt a Poly Date, here are a few things to keep in mind. Although the Kinsey Institute did a study that found that about 21% of Americans engaged in consensual non-monogamy at some point in their lifetime, that does not mean everyone you suggest it to is going to like the idea. In fact, many of the people you may ask out for a Poly Date might completely refuse to ever date you at all just for suggesting it. It is not for everyone, and if you intend to make it part of a regular lifestyle, you will likely find that some people are very against the entire concept. Some people, including family and friends, may even completely abandon you for wanting a non-monogamous lifestyle. In cases where you do find someone willing to take part in a Poly Date (whether it is bringing a third person to go out with an already established couple, three or more people that all share a common partner or two, or couples-dating-couples for an adventure of swapping partners) that does not mean that the dates will go where you might want them too. Dating with only two people involved, is a mesh of chemistry, compatibility, and balancing boundaries with expectations; it can be more challenging the more people you involve. At times, it can work out nicely, and other times, personalities clash, conflicts erupt between paramours of partners, and the whole experience can blow up in your face, and even cost you the very relationships you were trying to expand upon. For example, the two people you brought together for your Poly Date might like each other more than they like you, and they become a couple and dump you at the end of the night. Ouch! So, if the risks are high and the chances of it working out are even more challenging than traditional dating, then why I am even telling you about it? I am sharing my experiences with you because I learned a lot from my experiences with Poly Dates. It changed the way I see all relationships. It made me a believer about the possibilities that can exist between any two people (or more as the case may be). It made me a believer that people can build their own unique relationship structures that best suit them, and that if they are willing to risk rejection; they can and will find people to have those unique relationship structures with. Not because any of it is easy. A relationship between only two people is not “easy”. You just have to be a believer that you can make your dating and relationship goals happen. That is why I am telling you about it. It takes a believer to turn a fantasy dream into every day life goals. Believe. To learn about the Hierarchy of Dating and Relationships which covers non-monogamous relationship structures: Click here to buy a copy of the Coaching Workbooks For Men : I'm a Man, That's My Job For Women : I'm a Woman, It's My Time To learn more about Frank's very first Poly Date, Click here to buy a copy of his autobiography: From Loser To Seducer To learn more about Monogamy, Non-Monogamy and Couples in Transition, Click here to buy a copy of Frank Talks Articles: Volume 3: The Monogamy and Non-Monogamy Edition To learn more about Non-Monogamy and Alternative Relationship Choices, Click here to buy an audio program:ALTERNATIVE RELATIONSHIP CHOICES: Non-Monogamy To learn about how to date multiple women honestly, Click here to buy the ebook: THE POWER OF CHOICE: HOW TO DATE MULTIPLE WOMEN HONESTLY  effects of being a mistress The Plight of The Mistress Mindset
By Frank Kermit The women who enter into affairs with married men behind a wife’s back seem to take on the wrath of society. When the genders are reversed and it is the wife cheating, society tends to take a more compassion view towards the cheating wife wondering what unfulfilled needs caused her to seek out an extra marital affair. Yet when it is a husband cheating on his wife, it seems to trigger a societal rage, and some of that rage gets directed at the mistress involved. If the marriage were an open relationship where the wife was aware and consenting to the extra martial relationship, it would no longer be an affair, and there would not be as much cause for the raw hatred because the core issues of trust and abandonment are not being violated. In that case it is likely, as with a number of open relationship couples, that the wife would also have the awareness and consent of the husband to pursue her own paramours. But the plight of the mistress is not all enveloped in the wrath of fury thrust upon her by the people affected by such an affair. It is not her potential broken heart from unfulfilled promises or ending up alone when a husband decides to work things out with his wife. It is not even how her friends and family may distance themselves from her if and when her role as a mistress comes to light. The true plight of a mistress is the danger of the repeating behavior pattern she is enforcing when she enters into a relationship with an emotionally unavailable partner. The longer any person continues to develop attachment and experience in emotionally unavailable relationships, the stronger the predisposition of her mindset to repeat that behavior pattern. The best way to safeguard herself from getting stuck in that repeating behavior pattern is to break it before it starts either by refusing to date a man who seeks to cheat on his wife, or to end things immediately when she discovers that the man she was dating was in fact married and hiding it. In the latter example, it is unfortunate to report that many women continue to see him, regardless of being lied too, because of how she already feels attached to him. The advice of how she feels cannot be the most important thing, when in the process of trying to break a repeating behavior pattern, is simply unpopular with such women and is part of the reason she is likely to continue repeating it. Like any unhealthy addiction, the longer we do something that is not good for us, the harder it becomes to stop doing it. Being a mistress becomes normalized the longer you do it, to the point where, single men who would be interested in a serious relationship with you, would turn you off. This is why many mistresses actually end up losing interest in their married lovers once the wives dump those men after the affair becomes public. Part of the attraction is all the intrigue and emotional range from biting forbidden fruit, the naughtiness of having something you aren’t suppose to have, the drama of anticipating the next spontaneous secret rendezvous and so on. Eligible single male candidates who are not cheating on anyone simply aren’t as alluring for women trapped in the repeating behavior pattern of the mistress mindset. My hopes are that any mistresses who are reading this will see herself and seek out some form of therapy, counseling or coaching to help break the repeating behavior pattern of the mistress mindset. You obviously have lots of love to give, and the world definitely needs people with love to give. It is just a matter of healing and learning to give love to the right people. Frank Kermit  Couples Who Are Sexually Incompatible Sexually Incompatible Couples
By Frank Kermit Sex is not the most important thing in a relationship. However, couples who love each other dearly and connect on so many levels, but whom are sexually incompatible tend to find that sex can be at the core of a number of their issues. It is not easy to want to build a relationship with someone that simply does not connect with you well sexually. Those couples who face this situation often cite the fact that in every other way the person they are with is truly their best option and is the person they want to build a future with. Acceptance is one of the ways to deal with this situation, however it is easier said than done. This involves simply accepting your partner as is, without the desire to change your partner, and for you to modify your sexual tastes by attempting experiences to reprogram what it is you find sexually satisfying to be able to better connect to your partner on the level your partner is at. This requires a good amount of work on yourself, and can also result in some harbored feelings of resentment towards your partner, even if intellectually you can rationalize your situation. For example, it turns out your partner was sexually abused as a child, and is unable to have certain sexual experiences with you, so you simply accept that parameters and limitations of your sex life, and finds ways for you to sexually function within those boundaries. However, this option may not be easy to do, especially if there are other issues in the relationship that you may resent your partner for, which can get lumped in with (and perhaps fueled by) your sexual frustrations. Another option can be to find a compromise that would be a middle ground between you and your partner. It could just come down to the two of you taking turns about who gets their main sexual needs met each time you engage in sex. For example, if you are both very dominate personalities and like being in the dominate role, you may have to take turns being dominate so that you both get some maximum sexual satisfaction with each turn. There are couples that take the route to experiment with more open relationship structures and explore non-monogamy. This involves bringing in other people into the bedroom, or allowing a partner to satisfy certain sex needs with other people that the primary partner is unable or unwilling to satisfy. Although this can successfully work for many couples, it is not for everyone, as any non-monogamous relationship structure requires a free flow of communication between the couple and extra care to address the self-esteem of each individual in the couple as well as any other individuals that participates. For example, one member of the couple has a particular sexual fetish that the primary partner has no interest in taking part in, but allows for the member to experience it with others. It is better to have the primary partner be involved on some level (supervision, or at least in helping choose the other people involved), but depending on factors like jealousy, compersion or open mindedness, has not always proven to be needed. Whatever path you choose to attempt, always keep in mind that there is nothing wrong with you and there is nothing wrong with your partner. You are simply different, and if you are unable to appreciate that in your partner there will always be other people that want your partner as is. Never take your partner for granted. Frank Kermit  Introducing Sex Toys for Couples in Transition Learn about The Hierarchy of Dating and Relationships (and how to Transition as a Couple) in the Coaching Workbooks: I'm A Man, That's My Job and I'm A Woman, It's My Time Learn more about using Sex Toys with a new lover in NOW WHAT? UNIQUE WAYS TO CATER TO HER SEXUAL E.N.A. EBOOK Couples in Transition: Couples and Sex Toys By Frank Kermit Couples who are looking for ways to spice up the sex life, may at times be interested in experimenting with using sex toys. In this context, sex toys can be referred to, as “marital aids” as in they are objects that are suppose to help aid a challenge in the marriage including adding something interesting to what may have become a routine and perhaps repetitive sex life lacking in novelty. Some of the more recognizable sex toys are designed to imitate and bear a resemblance to human genitals. Some vibrate, some do not, some expand into bigger sizes when in use, while others may constrict and tighten. They all have one common purpose…to bring an element of spark back into your sex life as a couple. One of the questions I get asked by couples that are struggling to decide if they want to experiment with sex toys is related to the concern that using a sex toy is akin to cheating on a partner. So, are using sex toys a form of non-monogamy? After all, if you do use a sex toy, you are then having sex with something other than or (depending on the circumstances) in addition too, you partner…are you still a monogamous couple? In my experience, this directly relates to how the couple in transition sees sex toys. Are sex toys an extension of an existing sex life between the couple? Are sex toys a potential threat to the existing sex life between the couple? The answer to both is, yes it can be, depending on the couple. Some couples define the idea of using sex toys as a private sexual act that they share within the boundaries of their intimacy with each other. Other couples may view sex toys like a gateway drug leading the couple to be tempted to achieve more intense sexual highs through a variety of means including involving other people. Be sure that both you and your partner are ready to talk about the effects of any emotional reactions to using sex toys that you both may not yet expect. One of the negative aspects of using sex toys is the unpredictable nature of how a partner may react to the effects sex toys has on a relationship. For example, a man may experience a sense of inferiority when he witnesses how enjoyable it may be for his wife to use a vibrator on herself to help her reach an orgasm. A woman may worry that her husband does not desire her further when he uses a triple crown in order to maintain an erection and intensify his orgasm in a way that he is not able to experience with her. It is of primary importance that the use of sex toys be reserved as a means of creating intimacy within the couples, instead of being viewed as sex toys being a replacement for either partner. For first time couples using sex toys, it is important to remember to reassure your partner that sexual pleasure is not a replacement for the emotional fulfillment of a life partner. The other negative aspect of using sex toys is the potential desensitizing that can occur. Constant use of artificial sexual stimulus (vibrators, suction pumps, sleeves) may actually dull the body’s ability to physically respond to actual human contact. In short, once your body becomes too accustom to achieving climax using any particular device, it may continue to do so to the point where, an actual human body part simply will not be enough. The human body, with all the imperfect textures, odors, and tastes that the human body comes with, learns to react through repetition and association. What you are neutral on or (in extreme cases) what turns you off today may be the only thing that can turn you on tomorrow if you regularly experience sexual climax with it, and your body makes a direct association. A colleague of mine who is a hypnotist sometimes deals with clients who are seeking ways to be hypnotized into being able to feel bodily sensations during sex without the need of sex toys. For these reasons (and others not listed here) one of the biggest challenges for couples to explore using sex toys is how to initially bring it up in conversation. It takes a couple secure in their relationship to discuss partner’s sexual interests and desires. Such conversations may be difficult as the nature of the discussion is about making a change in the couple’s sex life, which may or may not be in trouble. However, if your sex life (and or your marriage for that matter) is in trouble, then whether or not you get the sex toys is irrelevant. What is important is to start talking about it, before a fear of conflict turns a deflated banana dong into an elephant in the room. At that point, the real threat to the relationship is the lack of communication, not the transitioning sex life. There are positive elements to using sex toys. For some couples it is a safe way to explore what it would feel like to have a third person in the bedroom, without the threat of someone stealing your partner. Some people experience compassion instead of jealousy or low self esteem as they experience an empathic sexual enjoyment when someone they care about is experiencing sexual enjoyment. Some people just get turned on using sex toys on each other as it helps re-affirm a partner as a sexual being again…a status that may have been lost or buried when husband and wife become mom and dad. For couples experiencing health issues, sex toys are a means to enjoying sex again and a means to feel they are still able to satisfy their partners, without compromising what they are physically capable of enduring. Sex toys can be an enjoyable experience, and help bring a new level of intimacy for couples that may be in a transitory phase of their relationship. But just like experiments with non-monogamy (bringing in a third person, or another couple into the bedroom) the quality of the experience and whether or not it helps strengthen or destroy the relationship is less about the sex toys or the extra people in the sexual activity; it is about how well the couples prepare themselves in advance for the thrills, spills, canyons and bumps of sexploration. Happy Journeys! Frank Kermit Learn about The Hierarchy of Dating and Relationships (and how to Transition as a Couple)
in the Coaching Workbooks: I'm A Man, That's My Job and I'm A Woman, It's My Time Learn more about using Sex Toys with a new lover in NOW WHAT? UNIQUE WAYS TO CATER TO HER SEXUAL E.N.A. EBOOK  Spotting Red Flags In Dating Spotting Red Flags
By Frank Kermit When you are on a date, and the person you are getting to know says or does something that triggers a well-honed instinct that you need to stop dating that person, you have just spotted a RED FLAG. Having the ability to weed out potential problem daters at an early onset is the best we can hope for. Wasting time with the wrong individual hurts everyone involved: you, the wrong individual and your ideal soul mate who does not have the opportunity to date you yet, because your time is taken up by that wrong person. There are two types of red flags. The first is Universal Red Flags, which are general bad signs by nature, which do not depend on the context of your situation. These would include red flags such as your partner needing to get drunk or stoned before being able to commit any act of socialization or intimacy. It has nothing to do with whether or not you have any prejudice regarding drug use for your potential partners. It has to do with the fact that this kind of behavior will tend to get progressively worse over time, as your relationship continues to grow, get more intimate, and garner higher expectations from each other. The second type of red flag to be on the look out for is Personal Red Flags. These are completely context dependent because they are based on your own personal set of boundaries and deal-breakers which you simply will not compromise on. For example, if you are deathly allergic to a particular pet, and the person you are dating practically runs an animal rescue out of their home apartment which specializes in sheltering that kind of pet, then it does not matter what ever else you both connect on, how attracted you are to each other, and how kind you both are individually. The red flag in this dilemma is more than apparent and will eventually crush any future plans. At odds in this particular example are conflicting values: a life's calling to save animals verse a person's need to stay alive. When a red flag is based on a personal boundary, there is no room for compromise. If there is any room for compromise, then by default, it is not even a boundary, and surely not a red flag. In order to be able to spot these kinds of red flags, a person must know what the can and cannot tolerate, and also have the ability to enforce such boundaries. How someone treats animals can be a red flag. It is well document that many serial killers started out torturing and killing animals before they escalated to humans. The way someone treats an animal, may be a sign of how they will treat a vulnerable human being. Personal hypocrisies are another universal red. It is when a person lives with a double standard where they say one thing, but live another. For example, a person may rage against the perils of pornography but yet have their own private porn collection tucked away in a secret stash. Simply put it is an indication that there may be a repeating behavior pattern in place such that you simply cannot trust anything that person says. Shifting boundaries is another universal red flag. When something is unacceptable one day, and more than acceptable the next day, the confusion that this repeating behavior pattern can draw out in relationship will lead to frustration and resentment. This is not about being or not being in the mood for a certain behavior, but more to do with the level of whether or not it is acceptable. For example, let us consider humor. When you have the same basic sense of humor where your partner laughs really hard at a certain kind of joke one day, and tells you how funny it is, but then goes off the handle saying those kinds of jokes are simply not appropriate in any context the very next day with nearly the very same joke: red flag. This could be a sign of a shifting boundary, which unto itself is already a red flag, but it could potentially be a sign for something more serious that would require the competency of a trained psychotherapist. Some universal red flags are easy to spot such as infidelity and violence in past relationships indicating there is a higher chance of it happening to you. Other universal red flags are harder to spot because of certain social norms that make the warning signs acceptable. One such red flag is Gender Bashing. Just because most people are attracted to the opposite gender does not mean that all of those same people LIKE the opposite gender. Misogyny is misogyny, whether veiled in humor or not. Male bashing is still gender hate, even if touted as an entitlement for a history of oppression. If you are dating someone that constantly bashes your gender, it is foolish to think you will be the exception in their lives for the way they interpret you and your gender identity. If every single relationship you have ever had, and every person you have ever dated turned out to be a dud in one sense or another, then it is time to focus on the common element in every single one of those instances: the common element of YOU. It says you have not yet learned to identify red flags early enough to put the breaks on your romantic endeavors with the wrong people. However, it is never to late to start learning today Frank Kermit  The Story of Frank and Jade Kermit Introduction to the 10 Year Anniversary Edition of From Loser To Seducer
by Jade Kermit He likes to tell me that he seduced me. I roll my eyes at him and tell him I seduced him. The truth lies somewhere in the middle, in that we seduced each other. When we met we were two people who had been bashed by life to the point where we both had decided enough was enough. We had both made the life choice long before we meet each other to change. To examine our choices, to examine ourselves and decide, in our hearts what we really wanted and who we were inside. When I met Frank in 2006 the world of online dating was still a fairly new thing. I was pretty new to it but really ready for that opportunity to meet, not just someone, I was looking for my life partner. The first time we were matched up online, Frank sent the only thing that was allowed on the site we were both on: an auto request to email me. I instantly replied no! The picture he had emailed me shocked me, and made me wonder what sort of man was he? There he was smiling into the camera, decked out in a purple sequined shirt, every finger adorned with silver and golden rings, many of them skull faces and around his neck more chains than I could count! He also wore a Fedora hat and was holding a cane. I decided that he was probably a player, and rejected him. Who dresses like that?? After rejecting Frank, I decided to date as many men as I could with the purpose of finding a partner, someone to build a future with. Alas my time was filled with a lot of “first and only dates”. Men I realized years later that either weren’t ready to date, had hardly ever dated, or were closet virgins! It was at this time that I was well and truly at the end of my patience for dating in general. I remember telling myself “okay, just one more date and if that doesn’t work out, that’s it.” I had resigned myself to work on my career, probably leave the Province to head to Alberta, which at that time was paying big money for skilled workers. I didn’t know the dating site I was on allowed for people to retry contacting someone. So I was surprised when I received another request from Frank. This time he sent me a different picture where he was dressed in what I considered to be ‘normal clothing’. I realized that I had judged him too fast. How did I know what he was really like? Throwing caution to the wind, I decided the Universe was giving me a second chance, so I suspended my judgment and said yes! Through emails and eventually telephone calls we started to hash out our terms. We seemed to get along but there were things that had to be made clear. Choices that could not be repeated and personality types we never wanted to encounter again, much less date! Due to various circumstances including my getting badly injured at work, Frank and I ended up being able to spend a lot of time together. In that time, we formed a bond and understanding that surprised and scared both of us. We would often look at each other and voice in wonder if such a connection was truly possible, or if it was even real. Two weeks into dating we were shopping for an engagement ring! I insisted on something cheap and cheerful, I was going to go the fake but beautiful route, but Frank insisted on my having a real gemstone ring. The one I picked surprised him. It’s not expensive or fancy but it’s beautiful and it was on sale! (I love a bargain) All these years’ later women will still gush over Frank. When we attend dinner parties I watch them lean forward to listen to his every word. They will unconsciously flirt with him while their oblivious partners sit beside them. Why don’t these men notice? They don’t see Frank as a threat. He’s not your typical catch from a physical standpoint, and yet with his every word, every gesture they are hooked. Later on, these same women will tell me “Oh you are so lucky to have Frank!” and look at me with hidden distaste. Why? Jealousy for one and, well I am not a typical catch from a physical standpoint either! Standing almost 6 feet tall I tower over most everyone, including men. I am no delicate flower, but I am a catch! With my biggest smile I will turn to these women and say, “Frank is lucky too.” I am not a jealous woman. I know what I offer and am not threatened by other women. If you are confident in yourself, and what you have as a couple there is no need to be jealous. I never asked or expected a date to pay for my meal. I never expected to be treated like a Princess. Princesses are for fantasy films and little girls. I am a woman. I am intelligent, strong and not afraid to speak my mind. I am self-sufficient and hard working. I never NEEDED a man in my life, but I WANTED one. I wanted a husband, a life partner to share the journey with. People ask me: What is Frank really like?” Frank is just like his writings. Honest and straightforward. If you know how many books, lectures and other works he has done then you know he is hard working. The hardest working person I know. He is loyal and dedicated and yes, seductive. So subtly seductive that he has to rein it in sometimes in order to keep our social circles comfortable. He is also caring, loving, and extremely considerate. When I was injured all those years ago, he is the one that showed up at my door carrying groceries and a cane for me because he knew I could barely walk. My family never came; they said it was “too far” to bother to help me. Frank made a 2-hour journey on the bus to help me. That is the kind of man that he is. Frank is also still a dork. Completely and utterly! He still loves comics, especially Ghost Rider. He gets pretty excited over kids toys. And although he denies it- he really does love our cats. (I’ve caught him snuggling them) He is prone to what we call “Frankisms” statements that make my head hurt but make me laugh at the same time. An example: One freezing cold winter day after he had been outside, I asked him “Is it slippery out there?” His answer? “Only where there’s ice!” He wasn’t joking. He truly thought that answer was helpful. For anyone that fears losing him or herself if they “transform” from Frank’s work, don’t be afraid. Embrace the change, and know that the best parts of you will not only continue, they will thrive. The obstacles that held you back will dissolve and you will wonder why you resisted for so long. I remember when I read Everything Out Of Her Mouth Is A Test in the early days of dating Frank. I was sitting on his bed in his tiny one room apartment. I sat there with my mouth open in shock. “You broke the code!??” I said to him in disbelief. “I know,” he said proudly, smiling at me. At the time I was worried that there wouldn’t be any mystery left, that he would be able to read me so well I’d be uncomfortable and hate it. In truth sometimes I do hate it! Mostly though, I am grateful that he “gets me” especially on the days that I am being the most difficult person and he has the patience of a saint, because he knows what my Emotional Needs are. ~Jade Kermit Get your copy of the 10 Year Anniversary Edition of From Loser To Seducer |
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