Blog of Frank Kermit of Frank Talks

What To Do When You’re Ready To Move Forward

6/21/2018

Would you like to learn how to take your relationship from dating to something more serious? The 5 steps explored in this contributed post may help you with that.

couple hiking, couple in love, couple young, blond

Trust, Honesty and Communication Are Important In Any Relationship

Relationships take work. We all know that. Men and women are so different, that when you’re trying to make a relationship work, you know that you’re going to have to compromise. By now, you should also know that trust, honesty, and communication, are all important too. But when you’ve fallen in love, you’re able to get that right, and you feel as if you’ve found someone that you can make a life with, you may be ready to move forward. If you want marriage, children, and everything that goes along with it, do you know how to get it? Do you know how you’re going to take that leap from dating to something more serious? Here are five steps that will help you to do that.

1. Make Sure You’re On The Same Page

Before you jump in with the idea of moving forward, you’re going to want to make sure that you’re both thinking along the same lines. Because you may be ready to make the next step, but she might not be thinking the same. So don’t just assume. Make sure that you have that conversation. Be sure to be frank and stay how you feel and what your intentions are. When you know that you’re both on the same page, then point two is a great next step for you both.

2. Move In Together

If you’re not already living together, then this is often a good first step. You’d be surprised by how many couples think that they’re perfect for each other. But when they live together, they realize that they go that so wrong! So make sure that you spend some time living together and getting to know each other's habits and quirks before you make a more permanent commitment. Although you should be able to work through any issue, that isn’t always the case when you know you’re not meant to be.

3. Plan The Engagement

When you’re happy that things are going well, and you still feel the same way after months of living together, it’s time to plan your proposal. Take an idea from something like https://www.shutterfly.com/ideas/proposal-ideas/ if you need inspiration. Just make sure that your engagement plans are suitable for you as a couple and will be something she loves.

4. Shop For The Diamond

This is something that you can do before the proposal, or after. Find a jeweler or diamond supplier, such as https://diamondexpert.com/blue-nile-review/, that you think will create the perfect ring. She will wear this forever, so this step is always crucial.

5. Start The Wedding Preparations

And finally, now that she’s accepted and you’ve put a ring on it, then you’re going to want to start thinking about planning the wedding. This is something that she might want to take full control of. Because a lot of women have dreamt about their weddings days for a long time. And if you’re impartial to what happens on the day - let her do what she likes. Whether you plan this for a year, less, or more, just make sure that it’s right. There’s no need to rush, because now you’re already moving forward and you know you’ll spend the rest of your lives together.

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Graduation Speech: Advice For Young Adults

6/20/2018

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Graduation Speech

10 Tips For Young Adults Starting Out In Life

The following is some Frank Advice that I would give a young adult starting out in life:

1. Start a Life Plan

Identify things like when you want to retire, places you want to live during the different stages in your life, factor in the health history of your bloodline relatives (if the last two generations of your family were forced into early retirement due to health issues then make sure your life plan takes that into account).

Your life plans will likely change over time, but you will still be moving forward, and it gives your life some direction

2. Do Something Worthwhile With Your Life

Fun is important, but fun is not ultimately fulfilling.

Focus on offering value to the world whether through the way you make a living or through your other efforts of making the world a better place.

Every person that I have ever coached that participated in scams for most of their life are blocked for forming real connections with other human beings and have an emptiness and loneliness that simply cannot be healed.

3. Make Understanding Money A Priority

Learn about the personality types required for the different ways to earn money.

The traits of a great employee may get in the way when becoming a great entrepreneur.

The traits of a great investor may get in the way of someone that seeks a career change into an independent contract self employed professional.

Knowing yourself in this regard is going to save you years of experimenting and poverty to figure it out.

4. Stay Out of Bad Debt

As much as possible, stay out of bad debt. Work to pay off everything in a timely fashion, and if you cannot afford it on cash, do not put it on credit.

Even school loans can be paid by reduced course loads and working part or full time to pay tuition as you study.

Live within your means, and be mindful of how interest in bad debt is designed to keep you in bad debt.

5. Get the Necessary Education

Get the necessary education. No one has the obligation to teach you anything. Get a formal education if you want a career path that requires a license/degree/or association membership, and best get it while you are young.

No matter what anyone tells you, not everyone is able to go for education when older as we cannot predict what obstacles will be there.

A lack of health as you get older or increased family responsibilities as you move into the next stages of your life may simply not allow for the time or resources needed for an education.

If you cannot get a formal education for any reason, then educate yourself on your time, with your own research. Just because you weren’t able to go to college or university does not mean you stop your education. Pick a direction in life, and learn everything you can about it.

Also, there is little value going into 50K in debt for a career that pays minimum wage, that you can break into without a degree. Make sure the amount you invest to get the education can be easily paid back with what you earn.

6. In Love, Choose Wisely

Do not commit to the wrong person. When it comes to your love life, there are people that you just date for fun and there are people that can best support your future life plans that must earn your commitment.

If you get these two mixed up, you may lose everything. Everything you have ever earned, everything that gives you peace of mind, and even your very freedom.

How To Choose The Right Person

7. Take Care Of Your Health

You never know when being healthier makes things easier until you lose your health. Physical health, mental health and emotional health are all important.

If you need help in any of these areas, seek the help. Find a motivator, a therapist, a coach and make it part of your life plan.

8. Never Count On Being Saved By Others

Never be fully dependent on someone to save you. It is up to you to save yourself. It is great when you have people to count on, but your goal is to build up your life so that you aren't dependent on any one particular person or system.

This includes expecting your government to save you as well. The more you can be independent, the more you can fully enjoy the life you build without fear of anyone taking it away from you.

It is OK to ask for help when you need it, but it is not OK to ever assume that anyone is automatically your safety net if things do not work out.

9. Always Plan Long-Term

Consider things in terms of your best long-term interest. Today you may want to take revenge on someone who hurt you (short term) but is it worth jail time (long term)?

Today you may really want the cool entertainment system for the party this weekend (short term), but is it worth the risk that you do not have an emergency fund to pay the rent in the event you are too sick to work later in the year (long term)?

Today you may really want to travel over the holidays to another country to meet that potential new partner that you met online (short term), but is it worth the loss of prep time for the entrance exam for the next stage of your life (long term)?

10. Never Act Cruel

I think above all else, this may be the most important. You do not have to be overly nice, but never be cruel.

Never say mean things just to hurt another person. Respect people’s rights to live in peace, tolerate their differences, and act as encouraging to others as you want them to be to you.

Never shame anyone because you think they could do better. You do not know their stories and struggles.

Never hate someone just because they are different.

Never make jokes at another person's expense and never be someone's bully.

Charisma is defined in my works as a person who leaves a positive impression of themselves while at the same time makes other people feel good about their selves too.

Get Help To Get Your Life On Track

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5 Steps To Figure Out Your Prepper Needs

6/8/2018

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5 Steps To Figure Out Your Prepper Needs

An old mentor of mine used to say that people planned their two week vacations, better than they planned the rest of their life. I was always fascinated by that comment. I personally find a lot of truth to it. It certainly is reflected in the coaching I have done with people helping them put together some life plans.

For years I contemplated why I found it to be so true. If I had to pick one particular aspect it is that most people can anticipate their needs when they go on vacation better than they can anticipate their needs for the rest of their lives.

A vacation is for a finite period of time. At the end of the vacation, you will be coming home to the status quo. Depending on what you are doing for your vacation, you may even be told ahead of time what to prepare.

For example: If you are traveling to another country, chances are that during the process of booking your trip you will be given a complete list of essentials to bring with you (certain types of Identification, immunity vaccination records if applicable) and you may already be warned about areas to avoid while traveling for your own safety.

Perhaps it is knowing that we are preparing for something that has an end to it, makes the process less daunting. Even if you forget something, it is assumed that you will be able to arrange to fix the situation given enough time and aggravation.

Planning for the rest of your life is a little more challenging. Although we can count on certain things such as we will get older as time marches on, and if we work towards a goal, and have enough time, some of those goals are likely to be met.

We can also count on things to happen that we did not predict such as the death of a loved one, or succumbing to catching a disease, or an attack from an outside force starting a war (or an inside force like your own government passing laws that make your livelihood more challenging).

Which brings us to prepping.

Prepper Introduction

If you are new to prepping, knowing where to start can be a daunting task.

When you are prepping for a worse case scenario (even if you are not sure what that worse case scenario will be), it can be overwhelming thing to figure out what you need to do.

For some people, the mere contemplation that they have something to prep for can cause such negative reactions, that there are those that would rather ignore the probability and focus on other things to help them escape the unpleasantness of facing the potential threats.

Our Personal Story

When my wife and I found ourselves in a crisis, it was as close to rock bottom as either one of us had ever been. When we met and fell in love, we could not have anticipated how our life would change for us. We were both reasonably healthy, hard working people who had dreams and goals we were working towards.(Admittedly some more lofty than the average person).

We did not anticipate our health challenges, financial set backs, betrayals and abandonments, and the changing nature of our employment status. This is not a sob story designed to elicit sympathy. It is just to give the example that even with a good start, bad things can happen and those consequences can be life altering.

One night my wife and I sat down, and talked.

We took full accountability for how we planned to make our way out of this mess.

It does not matter who was at fault for how we got into the mess.

Whether it was our mistakes, bad choices, bad luck with health, or what others had done to us that contributed to where we were.

All of that was not as important, as making a plan together to get us into a better situation.

The following is the process we took,
to help us assess our situation,
address our needs
and alleviate our fears.

Step 1: WHY are you Prepping?

Identifying what it is you are prepping for will help guide you to specific resources and make starting your journey easier.

Are you prepping for a war? Financial collapse? Volcano eruption? Rising waters and mass flooding? Deep impact meteor collision? Nuclear power plant meltdown? Thawing of the ice glaciers? Mass virus epidemic? If you think I have missed any reasons on this list, you are correct.

There are a lot more reasons to prep than not to prep.

With that said, not everyone preps for a major world changing catastrophe. Some preppers focus on other personal crisis that they face.

Are you prepping for the loss of your job as the industry you have been trained for, and working in a long time is dying?
Are you prepping in case of a home invasion as the neighborhood you live in has changed over the years and crime is increasing in your area?
Are you prepping for your chronic diminishing ill health that will make certain daily tasks too painful?
Are you prepping to be able to care for your child who has a condition that make them incapable of caring for themselves?
Are you prepping for the fact that you are not as young, fit and capable as you used to be, and need to prep for a life that will be easier and more affordable for you to manage?
Are you prepping because even though you feel your family is safe and your grown children are safe, you worry about the future for your grandchildren and great-grandchildren, and want to create a space where they will survive when things implode during their lifetime after you are dead and gone?

Or maybe you just prep because you just enjoy being as self sufficient as a possible, and love learning new things.

Now there will be those people who feel they own the term "prepper" and feel entitled to assign who can and cannot be considered "a prepper" or "a real prepper".

For example: some will claim that if you are not prepping for a particular earth shaking cataclysmic disaster then you are not a "real prepper".

They are entitled to their opinion.

I just happen to disagree.

"Prepper" is a mindset.

The idea is that a Prepper aims to be as ready as possible, for whatever it is that you believe may be coming in the future that would destroy your life as you know it.

That's it.

Only you can know what it is that you are prepping for.

With all that said you can in fact be prepping for more than one reason. You can have a hobby farm because you just enjoy aspects of being self sufficient, while at the same time also using that same hobby farm as the beginnings of your prep for a bomb shelter because you also believe that a war could start.

OK, now that you know what you are prepping for, you can begin researching it. Here are some beginner questions.

Who can you talk to about it, and who are the experts?
What can you do to prep for it?
Will you be traveling for it and need a Bug Out Bag (or Bug Out Vehicle) or are you staying put and will Bug In?
When did it happen last, and when will it likely happen again?
Where did it happen already, and where would you be to be safest from it?
How did people survive it in the past and how did they prepare for it?
Why is it happening and why aren't more people prepping for it?

Once you know WHAT it is that you are prepping for, it helps you figure out your next steps to take. For example if you are prepping for a tsunami in your area, you will likely be looking to build/purchase very different preps than someone that is prepping for a clean water shortage in a city near the desert.

Once you have identified what you are prepping for, move to Step 2.

Step 2: Identify Your Obstacles

What are your biggest Obstacles that may interfere with your prepping?

These could be the limits you must overcome in order to achieve your prepper related goals. Here are some examples.

The very first obstacle is to list is how many people are you responsible for? How many of them are you prepping for? What are each person's medical, physical, and social needs? (I know that listing family and those you love as an "obstacle" may be offensive to some readers. It is not meant to be offensive. It is to bring to your attention that there are lots of challenges that come with being responsible for and taking care of others.
Are you on a budget that makes certain aspects of your plans not possible?
Do you have health issues that make bugging out (a hurried departure that is not planned, but is prepped for) near impossible?
Are you disabled in a way that limits your access to resources (not legally capable of driving a vehicle for example)?
Do you have a family history of diabetics? Even though you may not be suffering right now, you will need to factor in your potential future medical needs. This may dictate where you can live and what you will need to survive there.
Do you have a current chronic health condition that requires medication which may not be available to you even if you survive whatever it is you are prepping for?
Are you alone, with very few friends or contacts, and have no one to rely on?
Are you reliant to your job and unable to move to a new location easily?
Do you want to learn to do things that would require you to apply for a license or permit, and you do not yet have it?
Do you have young children that are completely dependent on you which takes up most of your time, energy and resources?
Are you locked in a court case (custody battle or other case) that is zapping every spare coin and ounce of energy you have left that makes you unable to plan ahead?
Do you have a moral objection to owning weapons of any kind, but believe that owning weapons is a necessary component of being a prepper?
Perhaps you are very attached to your family and your community, and would rather stay with them (even if it means suffering and death) than to live with the guilt of abandoning them.
Do you have a lousy attitude that will get in the way of making contacts, and finding peace once the end of days occurs?

Once you can identify the obstacles that limit your options, you can start to tackle each one and see if there are ways to work around them. It is time for more RESEARCH.

Some obstacles may be temporary and will solve themselves as time passes.

Other obstacles may get worse as time goes on, and you will have to plan ahead for them. Being aware of your limiting obstacles is a good place to be, because it gives you the vocabulary to start asking questions for your own research.

For example: let's say the obstacles that limit you have brought you to the conclusion that bugging out is just not an option, and you simply will have to bug in (staying put and making your stand, usually where you already live).

In cases like that, you simply do what any prepper does:

You do the best you can with what you have.

Start looking at your living space and see if you can sell things that you really do not need, to make space for things that would allow you to survive what you are prepping for.

For example: sell all the knickknacks you are keeping in storage and fill that storage space with a used large aquarium, a grow bed for plants with grow lights and some water pumps, and set up an Aquaponics corner so you can have fish meat for protein and vegetables from the grow bed. This is just one idea, but such ideas are easier to think of once you know what limits you have to respect for your prepping.

OK, you know what it is you are prepping for, and you know what obstacles limit you that you can either focus on fixing, or work around.

Next comes...

Step 3: Identify Resources

This is where you look at resources you already posses and those that you still need to acquire.

List your assets to start with, and see what can be used towards supporting your prep goals. Also list things you stand to inherit.

Do you own any property?
Do you have a back yard that you can make use of?
Do you have valuable collectables that you can sell to earn money, or trade for your preps?
If you live in an apartment building, would the landlord be agreeable to setting up a roof garden if you head the project? Find out, since your apartment might be where you have to bug in.
Do you have old furniture or appliances that you can re-purpose into tools for prepping? For example: an old unused metal bathtub can be re-purposed to start worm composting. A small toy play-set (like a house or airport) can be turned into an actual bird house or bird-feeder to attract more birds to your land to eat the insects that would harm your garden. Any scrap wood and metal brackets can be turned into shelves placed above doorways for more storage of whatever it is you want to collect for your prep. Old plastic food containers can be recycled into pots for seedlings.

fisher price little people house, birdhouse

Fisher Price House Reused as Bird House

image source

Part of this section of the process is to also identify those resources that you will NOT be able to count on.

For example: If you list your car as one of your resources, you would need to verify that it is in fact capable of being a resource towards your prepper goals. It it turns out that your car wouldn't be able to accommodate your prep goals, at least it has brought to your attention the fact you may need a new and different vehicle.

This is also a good time to identify people that would be good support people to know.

Ideally it would be great to find out who in your social circles are already interested in prepping, or at the very least are knowledgeable enough to explore your preps with you.

When you do start to probe your social circles and find people who are also into prepping (at some level), it could be the start of a good bond.

More often than not, people do not fully realize the resources they have at their disposable because they never thought to identify their resources.

A Real Life Example:

one prepper couple I know were making plans to one day purchase a piece of land for prepping, but between bad credit and debt,they were not yet in a position to even save up enough money for the down payment. As they explored their resources, they discovered that one of them had a grandfather who had a unused piece of property with a rundown house on the land (no plumbing or electricity). The grandfather was simply going to let it be inherited by the couple when the time came, so he never mentioned it, until the couple spoke to the family about resources. The couple was able to arrange to acquire access and eventual ownership of the grandfathers land to start turning it into their safe haven immediately, instead of waiting to inherit it.

Once you identify the resources that you have, you can start to figure out what resources you are still missing by studying the effects of the "Step 1" (the what your are prepping for), and the "Step 2" resources to help you cope with all your limiting obstacles.

This is where the list gets long.

A quick way to get through this part, is to always go back to your Steps 1 and 2.

If the resource you are trying to acquire will not help you survive either Step 1 or 2, then focus your attention on a different prepping resource.

Next comes the part that most people fail at.

Step 4: Making Sacrifices

Depending on what your plans are, your existing resources, and what you still need, you are going to have to make certain sacrifices to ensure you achieve your prepper goals.

For example:

If you need more money, can you sacrifice every Saturday to work a part time job to earn the extra income you need to fund the prepper related purchases you intend to make (and some of those purchases are costly)?
If using your time to earn more money is not possible, then you will have to sacrifice some of the expenses you currently have to redistribute your funds to your prepper needs (spend less money on your social life activities and hobbies and more on your prepping).
Instead of spending money on a new sofa that you were saving up for, would you instead buy a chest freezer, frozen foods and a solar panel to keep it running? You could then store foods and meet one of your prepper goals.

Are you capable of making sacrifices like these?

It will not stop there.

Remember the part above where you need to see about finding like minded people in your current social group?

While finding out they are also preppers is an ideal, it is just as possible that you might actually turn some of them off with your talk about prepping. You might lose some of your friends that would judge you.
You may also have to risk revealing your prepping interests to people who instead of actually supporting you, plan to use you. You will see how many will invite themselves over to stay with you when the crisis hits, without ever contributing to your prepping. This is a risk you may have to take, and with that you will have to set some boundaries that will upset those users. You may have to sacrifice peace with them.

Are you capable of making sacrifices like these?

Maybe the sacrifices might mean rationing your medication so that you have extra to take when the crisis hits, and dealing with some regular ill health discomforts along the way.(please discuss with your doctor before you decide to do this)
The sacrifice might include all the things required to getting in better shape including quitting smoking, losing weight, eating better and exercising regularly.
The sacrifice might be forcing yourself to put in the TIME to LEARN things that at the moment really do not interest you.

Are you capable of making sacrifices like these?

Part of being a Prepper is to invest in whatever your prep needs of you, so that you can survive and hopefully thrive at a later time, when that "Step 1" situation happens.

Be prepared to sacrifice your money, your time, your personal connections, elements of comfort in your current lifestyle...whatever it takes to meet your prepping goals. Once you know what the sacrifices will be, you will be in a position to assess if you are actually capable of making those sacrifices and if not, start a plan to work around those unmet sacrifices.

Sacrifices can scare people.

Those who are the best preppers are the ones that are more scared of the reason they prep for, than the sacrifices they have to make in order to be prepped.

Which brings us to the final step...

Step 5: Defining Your Schedule

There is a sense of urgency when it comes to prepping.

Whatever the reason you prep, for some people it can feel like there just is not enough time to fully prep.

It does not matter what our intentions are as preppers.

When the SHTF and TEOTWAWKI (Acronym for: The End of the World as we Know it) it will happen when it happens, and there isn't really much we can do to stop it. We do not control the elements that will bring on the Armageddon, but we can control how we prep for it (at least to the point we are able too).

For some people that have the resources, they can move quickly, transitioning their lifestyle over more easily, and may already be living in ways that are preparing them for doomsday.

For others, there is no easy fix, no fast changes, and we have to create every opportunity to move us closer to our prep goals and only go at the pace we can (which may take years).

In step 5, you take into account everything you have learned in the previous four steps and you create a schedule that helps keep you on track. If necessary, write out a timeline with today as the starting point, and whatever your end goal prep close to the other end of the line.

(Hint: the end of the timeline should include about 3 years after the day your "Step 1" happens, as part of what you are prepping for isn't just to survive D-Day, but to thrive well after D-day)

Start with what your end goal is, and work your way back to present date.

With each new resource you intend to acquire, mark it along the timeline as to when you will REALISTICALLY be able to have it. If you plan to buy big ticket metal shipping cargo containers, and it takes you 6 months to save up enough money (outside of your established expenses) then make sure that 6 month savings time is reflected in your schedule.

This will help keep you on track, as well as, keep you grounded in the reality of exactly where you are in your prepper plan.

If your schedule does not match the schedules that other preppers are following and you end up being slower, then so be it, and you end up being slower.

Yes that sucks.

However, putting extra worry and pressure to move a schedule forward, when the timeline that was set takes into account the things you do not control, is only going to hamper your own mental health.

Maybe you will make it in time.

Maybe you won't make it in time.

Worrying about it will not help in either circumstance.

Taking the actions you need to take will help, and that is what the schedule is designed to do.

To help motivate you to take the actions you know you need to take, and keep pushing forward.

Our Personal Story Revisited

My wife and I have been working towards our plan now for a few years.

To be honest, we are well behind where we wanted to be at this point, but still processing forward. We are always learning, always re-assessing our needs, and as new issues come up (such as test results and diagnosis) we adjust our plans accordingly even if it means setting us back.

Will we make it in time?

I honestly do not know.

I hope so.

However, giving up really is not an option, so we take it one day at a time, knowing that the rest of the world does not care how hard we work. When a crisis hits, it hits on it's own schedule, not ours.

All we can do, and all we have control over, is to focus on the actions we take every day, while we balance planning our survival for the future, and managing our immediate day-to-day existence.

In Conclusion

I have presented a lot of information in this article, because I have a desire to be complete in the advice I am giving.

Yet, all this article does is provide an outline of things that you need to consider. This is by no means a complete list of everything you need to survive as a prepper.

Note, we haven't even mentioned anything about finding love, or a prepper life partner, or how to form strong connections with the people that you will survive with in the future; how to manage those relationships that will become your new family. (This will be for a different series of articles)

Prepping is about anticipating your needs when the Step 1 thing you are anticipating will finally happen.

There is no "one way" to prep.

Prepping is as individual to a person as anything else.

Each person's needs are different,
and so too will be their preps be different.

Do not let anyone intimidate you
into prepping "their" way
if their way will not meet your needs;
just like in any other area of life
where what others want for you is not what you want.

Hope this all helps.

-Frank Kermit

Read another prepper article about transitioning your family from the inner city to a more secluded prepper lifestyle.

AlSO, JOIN OUR FACEBOOK GROUP:

PREPPING FOR ALL

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Time To Return To The Altar?

6/7/2018

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You don't have to be ashamed of your second wedding. Make it memorable! Read this contributed post for some ideas.

Getting married should be a time to celebrate. However, some people find it difficult to enjoy their second wedding as it can often feel like their first set of nuptials overshadows this latest ceremony. It can also be difficult if your family has been split ever since the breakdown of your first marriage - you might find that some of your relatives do not share your current joy and excitement about your upcoming wedding.

second wedding, senior wedding, second chance wedding,

A Mature Wedding Couple

You might think that a second wedding needs to be very demure and not as elaborate as your first. That really isn't the case, though - it’s still OK to have the special day that you have always dreamed of, even if you’ve had one before! Here are some tips that will help you organize your next marriage.

You Can Still Wear White

Some brides think that they can’t wear a white wedding dress for the second time. After all, the white traditionally stands for innocence, and you might not be so innocent the second time around! But you shouldn’t listen to the traditionalists - you can wear whatever you want at your wedding. So, if you have your eye on a gorgeous white wedding dress, go for it!

ring bearer pillow, children weddings, flower girl, usher, wedding glasses

A Ring Bearer Pillow

Involve Your Kids

As second weddings often occur later in life, you might have children with your first partner or a previous relationship. If this is the case, you should involve them in the ceremony. For instance, your daughter could be a flower girl and follow you down the aisles in a pretty dress with a gorgeous mini bouquet. Boys will enjoy being page boys or ushers.

It Doesn’t Have To Be Modest

As I’ve previously mentioned, most people think that a second wedding needs to be fairly modest and demure. However, this really isn't the case. Just because you’ve already had one elaborate ceremony and reception doesn’t mean that you can’t go and do it all again! Of course, this time you might know just how stressful planning such a day can be. So, you might want to get details for a wedding planner who can help you with all the organization. There’s no point being super stressed for a second time and trying to do it all yourself, is there?!

Consider A Prenup

You’ve been here before and you know just how awful it is when a marriage starts to break down. Not only is there a lot of emotional stress to go through, but you will also have to deal with the legal aspect. If you don’t have a prenup in place, you will find that you might have to battle it out in court to get your share of all the family's finances. Are you sure you want to go through all of that again? I doubt it! So, it’s a good idea to discuss a prenup before you do get wed again. This will detail how your finances will be split in the event of a divorce, and will make all the potential legalities a lot easier to handle.

Enjoy your return to the altar!

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Open Letter To Incels

6/1/2018

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An Open Letter To Incels

Open Letter To Incels

**The word "Incel" is short for "Involuntary Celibate". These individuals are usually male, adult aged, who for a number of reasons, have been unable to find a partner to engage in sexual activity with. Originally the term was used by both men and women (actually it was originally coined by a woman) to identity themselves and share their stories online. However, in more recent times the term incel has come to represent a particular sub section of the incel community, whose frustration with their inability to connect and engage with sexual partners has ignited a deep sense of hatred and violence. However, not all incels are blinded by hatred and willing to commit acts of violence. Most just want a girlfriend and struggle to figure out how to attract one. Incels are also called true forced loneliness

Dear Incel,

I think I know you a little bit. Not just because I coach so many of you (coaching adult male virgins is a major portion of my practice) over the last 15 years, but because I was once you.

Yes, I was once an incel.

All I ever wanted in high school was a girlfriend.

In college, I had my first breakdown because more than anything I just wanted a girlfriend, but it was always the same story with the same old speech.

"I don't want to hurt your feelings, it's just that I think we would be better as just friends"

"I like you, but as a friend" or "You're just not my type"

Even when I did finally manage to get my first couple of hit and miss girlfriends and lovers, I eventually hit another rock bottom when my ex-fiance left me for my best friend, and endured

A 5 YEAR DRY SPELL OF NO SEX

before I finally started to have
what I would consider a successful sex life.

Help for adult male virgins

When I wrote my book The Adult Male Virgin Handbook, I shared these stories (and more) because I wanted to let the adult male virgins (some of whom identify as incels) out there know that you are not alone in your struggle with loneliness.

I hear your frustration, and I can relate to it. I used to feel the same frustrations many years ago. I found a way out of the world of involuntary celibacy, and was able to achieve an active dating and sex life. I want to tell you that you can do that too.

The first issue to address with your frustration is that you are correct that our society and the rules of dating are changing, and as a result it is becoming more challenging for many people to connect. I want you to know that the changes that are happening are not your fault, or something that you can control.

When you live in a society where the dating rules are constantly changing, it can make anyone starved for a sexual connection feel very deprived.

There is an ANSWER, and I AM going to give it to you.

I have been where you are incel, close to blowing a gasket. I thought about committing suicide at that time in my life because I couldn't figure out WHY I simply couldn't get a girlfriend?

The night that I stopped to face my suicidal thoughts,
I made a life changing decision:

I was either going to figure out
how to attract a woman,

(even with all of my faults),

or I was going to kill myself.

Incel No More

(This is detailed in my autobiography From Loser To Seducer).

So I started on my journey to learn how to attract a woman. I took an experimental approach to learning. I learned what did and did not work, embarrassed myself a number of times along the way, and was frequently taken advantage of by men who claimed to be mentors, and women who used me, BUT I KEPT GOING.

There is an ANSWER; and I AM going to give it to you.

The incel that inspired me to write this article was quoted as saying he was concerned about being slapped in the face for trying to meet women and unintentionally saying the wrong thing.

Perhaps you also are afraid of being slapped for approaching a woman and asking her out on a date. Are you saying that you have tried being social, and have gotten slapped? Or, do you want to try being social but are so worried about getting slapped, that you hold yourself back?

If you are not taking any actions

that got you slapped,

you might be letting your fear of rejection

unnecessarily influence you.

When it comes to rejection, what we can imagine happening, is often worse that what will actually happen.

If you are holding yourself back from being social with women because you fear rejection, (i.e. getting slapped) or you fear hurting women, that is normal. No one likes to risk rejection.

Rejection never feels good.

If you want an active sex life,

you are going to have to

risk some rejection.

Radio

Interview

about

INCELS

If part of what is holding you back, is that you do not want to annoy, bother or offend women, that is a good trait to have. That is good news because it means that you are already mindful of not wanting to hurt women, and at least you can trust your intent.

You need to learn some basic skills:

How to connect with women.
How to make an impact with women on an emotional level.
How to attract the kinds of relationships you want with women. (This can be a range from casual sex, managing non-exclusive dating partners, or something more serious and committed).

If women have slapped you in your attempts to approach and connect with them, perhaps it is not something you actually said, but something in the way you came across non-verbally, that would merit a slap.

It should be noted that I do not condone violence, and I don’t think that violence in the form of a slap is acceptable.

However, when feeling threatened, many people resort to violence as a means of self-protection.

If you were my client, we would work together to do an analysis of your overall approach and behaviors.

There are times when a professional outside view is required in order to examine what you are doing, and how you come across to others.

It is a way to bring to your attention things about your non-verbal, and sub-communication that you may not even be aware of.

If women slap you, you need to see what it is you are doing, (or not doing) that is making women feel unsafe with you.

You need to become aware of the things you are doing

that trigger a woman to be afraid of you.

When you stop the behaviors that trigger

unsafe feelings in women,

and instead, learn to address her Emotional Needs,

you will be in a better position to connect.

Some men I have coached have had no problems getting first dates. They are often blessed with great genes (very good looking), and they are physically fit, and yet they have lots of first (and only) dates but very few second dates, and no steady girlfriends to ever speak of.

WHY?

An example:

I had a client who was a 44-year-old virgin by the time he reached out to me, and as you can imagine he was at his wits end! One of his frustrations was that he had no idea why it was so easy for him to initially attract women, but then they would find excuses to end the dates early, or avoid his calls all together when he tried to set up a second date.

We worked together to analyze his behavior and communication skills.

I often will have clients go through a “mock” date with me, so I can study their communication skills.

What was revealed with this client was that he was acting in a way that scared women.

Here are 5 examples of how he scared women:

He was very nervous having conversations with women he found attractive. Without realizing it, when felt nervous his eyes became intense with his eyebrows forming a deep scowl on his face.
He would forget to smile, (smiling would have indicated he was having a good time). Not smiling made him seem uninterested in the date.
The combination of the scowling brow and lack of smile made him look angry.
When he attempted to make small talk, the majority of the topics coming out of his mouth were complaints about his own life, and his overall negative attitude about dating in general.
He asked his dates questions to get to know them, but because of his nervousness, he sounded like he was interrogating them instead of taking a genuine interest in learning about her likes and dislikes.

In addition to these 5 points, there were some other aspects going on in his conversation and behavior skills that violated the Emotional Needs of the women he was with.

To learn more about the
Emotional Needs of women
you can go to my
ENA Mastery System at:

https://www.franktalks.com/ena-mastery-system.html

Every Question Answered When You Study Emotional Needs

Did this man get help and change his life for the better?

YES.

He had to work at it but in 90 Days he lost his virginity!

He went on to have a regular friends-with-benefits following the rules of casual sex relationships

Check out this link to learn the rules of Friends-With-Benefits

https://www.franktalks.com/blog/the-rules-of-friends-with-benefits

Or you can watch this video on

The Rules For

Friends With Benefits

The greatest success story of a man losing his virginity was this one guy that, as an adult, did not want to reach his next birthday and still be a virgin.

So he decided to give up his 2 week vacation from work, and instead of going on a trip to somewhere warmer, he stayed home, and studied my materials for adult male virgins, 10 hours a day for the entire 2 week vacation.

He filled out the work books, tweaked and re-tweaked his online dating profiles, wrote out his personal stories, practice them in front of the mirror as well as whatever women he would correspond with online, and as he learned more, he went back and re-checked his communications.

On the 14th day, the last Sunday before returning to his full time job on Monday, he met up with a girl that afternoon that he met online, spent the day with her addressing emotional needs, and that night, he lost his virginity to her and she became his girlfriend.

Yes, he was lucky enough to meet her at the right time, but he also created his own luck by working hard and being prepared for those moments in your life, when the world puts opportunity in front of you.

Every now and then, the world WILL give you such opportunities. It is up to you to be ready for them; ready to recognize them and ready to make the most of them.

Watch This Youtube Video where a number of Frank's incel (adult male virgin) coaching clients tell their stories.

All of whom lost their virginity.

Now then, for anyone reading this who thinks I am down playing how dangerous incels can be, I assure you, I know all too well. I have helped a lot of men what were adult male virgins, some of whom identified as incels on the verge of giving up all hope and doing something dangerous just to have some measure of self-reflective significance. I have also been the target of incels that have threatened to do me harm.

When certain individuals are entrenched in their world view, no matter how miserable they may feel, it can be too scary to step away from that world view, as the world view has become intertwined with their sense of self-identity.

At that point, they would reject any measure of healing because the healing would interfere with their sense of security; a security based on their sense of knowing how the world works and knowing their place in it (which as horrible and lonely a place it actually is, feels more comfortable, than having to change their world view, and thus challenging their established self-identity as victims.

Victim-hood,
like any system of oppression,
can be like a big security blanket
as the devil you know and hate,
can still be comfortably wrapped around you,
protecting you
from the UNKNOWN.

This UNKNOWN could be heavenly salvation,
or just worse level of hell.

Those that seek a path out of hell,
must venture through the UNKNOWN,
whether or not
they are ready to make that journey.

To the incels that just want regular casual sex,

here is where you start:

Question: How do we make connections for casual sex?

START HERE.

Consider the following questions:

Do you know what it takes to manage a casual sex relationship?
Have you done any research about what the best rules are to manage a friends-with-benefit? (See above)
Do you know if you want a series of one night stands with strangers, or if you would rather have an on-going series of causal encounters with the same person?

Focus on what you have to offer before focusing on what you want to get.

Examples:

Do you have the logistics for regular casual sex?
That is do you have your own apartment or home where the two of you can be alone? Do you live with roommates or at your mother's house with no privacy?
If you have your own place and live alone, is it clean and seductively enticing such that women would want to be there and would enjoy spending time there?

Watch this short tutorial video with different ideas about how you can create a seductive space that will make women want to come
and visit with you

There is more to having a full sex life

than just learning how to approach women.

It is a lifestyle that requires effort.

Have you invested in the work that this lifestyle requires prior to you finding a sex partner?

For example, you will need extra toothbrushes, clean towels, and other toiletries for overnight guest lovers. Did you think of that, and stock up?

Does your place have candles and other items to enhance a romantic atmosphere?

Investing the work into making your home presentable and seductive will help you feel more confident about what you offer, and help you in your initial conversations and approaches.

Put the time in to prepare yourself for future sex encounters.

Study sex-education materials to make you a better lover.

Do you know the anatomy of a woman's body and how to stimulate her sexually?

Do you know how to communicate with your future sexual partner to find out what she does and does not enjoy during foreplay?

Have you learned how to give a relaxing massage for foreplay?

Once you have completed the above tasks,

you are now ready to start seeking out sexual partners.

Question: Where do you meet women for Casual Sex?

It is easier to find people who are already like minded, rather than trying to convert people to your way of thinking.

If you only want a series of casual encounters, you need to reach out to place where people who seek casual encounters go.

Consider looking at the places or websites they would frequent.

For Example:

An old mentor of mine once suggested hotel bars near airports, or where conventions are held as a great spot to meet people seeking one night stands. There are people who are staying at such hotels for just a few nights and are looking for short-term companionship during the evenings. They will often hang out in the hotel bar looking to connect with someone immediately, instead of being upstairs in their hotel room alone.

Dating sites and apps that are geared towards an interest in casual encounters is another good place to start.

Lifestyle clubs that cater to, or are open to non-monogamists (for example: Fetish events and Swingers clubs) might be places to consider visiting. Some Swinger clubs have regular information nights where you are permitted to come in and learn about what goes on, and how to conduct yourself if you want to be accepted by the membership.

Research through social media and see if you can find open-minded online groups of people that are sex-positive and encourage meeting in person. You will find many of them, and most will require you to be ushered in by someone already in the group that can vouch for you. These same groups also tend to have in-person meet-ups semi-regularly to meet new people wanting to be part of their communities. That is where you can start to meet them, let them get to know you and be invited in.

See who you can meet locally to test your conversational skills. Keep in mind the more conservative the area you live in, the more close knit the communities will be, and it’s likely that the different women you reach out to will already know each other

If you still struggle to find such groups and communities, consider starting your own, once you complete the above research.

In every single case you will be expected to follow the rules of the event or space in terms of how you interact with the existing membership.

Follow the rules (provided they match with your own personal moral code). If they are counter to your own moral code, then it is best to find another group, or start one of your own.

If you want to be part of any particular community, take the time to research what that community has and see if you actually want to take part.

Sometimes, you can know simply by doing the research required.

Sometimes, you need to have conversations with people that are active participants to see if it is for you.

Sometimes, you just need to go and see it for yourself.

Do you know yourself?

Do you trust yourself to be open to learning the different ways a person can experience a casual sex lifestyle?

You need to know what you want.

Right now, you may be too touch-starved to really know what you want. On the surface you may think you only want nameless sex.

While coaching, many men I have coached have struggled with getting sex, never mind getting a girlfriend.

During the process of working with them, they often get to the point where they finally have the opportunity to have exactly what they want, and then they self-sabotage.

For example:

I had a client who insisted that he only wanted anonymous one-night stands. One evening, (Feeling confident after his coaching with me), he met a very pretty woman interested in having a one-night stand with him. He was finally presented with the opportunity he had desired.

He quickly made up an excuse that he was not attracted to her (a lie), and left before anything happened!

WHY?

He discovered that although he did want sex, he hated the fact that he did not know her at all, so he lied to her because he didn’t want to admit that after everything he professed about just wanting sex, in the end, what he wanted more than sex was actually a girlfriend that would tell him she loved him when he lost his virginity with her.

Do not be that guy.

Do not be the guy that lies to himself, and then lies to women (telling her that he is not attracted to her when he was) to get himself out of situations he was not ready to handle emotionally.

Take the time to really figure out what you want out of an active love life.

There are a lot of choices available to you. From a series of one-night stands, friends-with-benefits, casual girlfriends, serious girlfriends, and different relationship structures: from the strictest monogamous rules, to the most open and rule-free non-monogamous (and a number of levels of commitments in between).

The power of all this choice, without the skills to know what to do with it, can lead you back to the same kind of misery that is pushing you to seek out the sex to begin with.

To figure out what kind of sex and sexual life you want, you start with learning about yourself, and I am going to help you do that, so that you do not waste your time by being taken advantage of would-be mentors like I was.

Why I do Not Advocate Street Approaches

Approaching women whom you find attractive who are walking on the street is unlikely to yield you any satisfactory results.

They are strangers to you and you don’t know anything about them. While it is true that daytime (day game) approaches tend to be better received than approaching women at night who are out about town, if the person has activities scheduled during the day (e.g. working a day job or going to school) a daytime approach to a stranger is unlikely to yield immediate results.

In addition, if you are looking for something specific like a series of casual encounters, you will have to play a numbers game until you find a woman that wants what you want, is just as attracted to you as you are to her, and who is sexually available.

Even some of the most successful day game artists out there, only get a 3% success rate. That means they have to engage 100 women to get 3 of them to agree to meet again, and then there is still no guarantee of sex.

It is not calibrated to make a direct street approach to strangers in public to state that you are looking for sexual encounters.

That type of behavior is creepy.

There is nothing wrong with you as a human being having a desire for sex, but because there are already designated spaces for you to meet like-minded people, this sort of direct approach will most likely not be received well.

If you were to take an indirect approach instead, such as talking about the weather (and other non-sexual topics) and you also attempt to get a woman’s contact information, you still have to gauge their interest in the kind of casual, sexual relationship you seek. As she may not be interested at all, it is not the most efficient means of meeting women.

To sum it up my opinion, conducting mass amounts of street approaches to strangers is not the most efficient means of meeting partners for casual sex. And if you are socially awkward, you might end up making your situation worse, if you say and or something really inappropriate (and depending where you live and what the laws are, even illegal).

There are too many other ways to meet new people, that you do not have to resort to mass street approaches, at least until you can trust yourself to behave in a manner that will not make your situation worse.

Just to be clear, I do not advocate street approaches to ANYONE just starting out. Street approaches are the LAST thing to attempt for anyone on this journey (incel or not).

There is nothing wrong with them, it is just not the most efficient means of meeting new sexual partners (because just being able to approach is not enough).

There is still having to be able to attract someone, screening if they are someone you would be into, and being able to keep their interest after you are not speaking with them.

Question: What NOT to Say?

You have a right to feel hurt, angry, frustrated, and deprived.

However, if you let your negative emotions control your communication and behavior this much, you are communicating in a way that will turn off the very people that would want to either help you, or have sex with you.

The most unattractive thing a nice guy can do is to complain about everything he is not getting because he is a nice guy.

Focus your communication on what you have to offer, and what’s in it for her, instead of how horrible people are for not seeing what you have to offer to begin with.

Fear Leads To The Dark Side

I want you to know I hear you.

It is my hope that you reached out and read this because you want to try to find a solution, instead of allowing your frustration to turn into resentment, and then having resentment turn to hate, and having hate turn into despair because of the deep rooted fear that nothing will ever change and will continue to be like this forever.

I am not trying to sound like a Jedi Master here, but negative emotions left unchecked will grow and fester into something monstrous.

There is an ANSWER; and I AM going to give it to you.

I am hoping you will reach out because deep down inside, there is a part of you that does NOT want to become that misogynist monster.

Somewhere under the deprived frustration of your situation is still a good man that just wants answers and to feel confident with women.

In honor of that, I want to offer you, and all men like you something.

Here is a FREE eBook to help you get started on your journey to help you learn about yourself, and learn how to get ready to set up the love life you have been wanting for so long, but were too much of a social misfit to build.

This eBook covers how to set boundaries for yourself so that women cannot abuse nor take advantage of you.

This eBook will teach you how to learn about your own base life philosophies and explains to you how they are important to making sure you never feel this hurt and alone ever again.

This eBook will give you the tools so that you can judge for yourself, without anyone else having to tell you, how to conduct yourself in public so that you can get the things you want from life.

It is my nearly 600 pages, coaching eBook workbook for men.

It is for men just like you.

"I'm a Man, That's My Job"

Go to this link to sign up and get the eBook:

https://www.franktalks.com/free.html

Here is a review from a former incel that I helped.

A Review of How the Frank's system prevented a mass shooting:

During some of my worst years in high school, I planned out scenarios to go down in history in a blaze of gunfire somewhere like my school, taking as many women with me as I could who rejected me. Even during college I questioned doing the same.

If I had not discovered
(Frank Kermit's Emotional Needs Analysis material),
I may have done just that
and shot a group of women I did not know.

Before I started studying with Frank
(direct coaching for having confidence
and reading the emotional needs material),
I remember just feeling a lot of low self worth at that time, and even after having had sex a few times it was still something that floated around. I had a lot more anger towards women back then, and I think a lot of it was just my own self-hatred really coming out and being misdirected at hating women.

I feel like the Emotional Needs Analysis coaching system helped me realize what was actually going through the heads of women, and understood why they were rejecting me. I couldn't be so resentful towards women anymore when I could understand their perspective, and how they were looking at the world.

When I would be rejected before I would often
feel like women as a whole were at fault.
After the Emotional Needs Analysis I understood
that I was the one who was turning them off.

I traded in my anger so I could
date multiple women at the same time,
and have experienced a lifestyle that back
then I could only dream of.

Today I am in an open relationship
with a hot goth girl who is perfect for me.

She adores me and she likes to have sex with women
as much as I do.
I never thought this would be my real life now.

Thank You Frank! I bet you saved a lot more lives that you think.

-Review from "Clyde", former MGTOW INCEL
Toronto, Ontario, Canada

I wish you peace, healing and amazing sex.

-Frank Kermit

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