UNDERSTANDING THE SUICIDE MIND
by Frank Kermit
May 28, 2016, updated on April 19, 2018
In order to try and understand why someone may consider suicide an option, you must first enter the mindset. A person contemplating suicide is not taking the easy way out.
The person is simply in so much pain, in such a head space, that suicide seems like the only way to escape that pain.
To give you an idea of how a suicidal mind distorts perception, a suicidal person has the belief that all those people who love him or her, would actually be better off without them. It does not make logical sense.
THAT IS THE POINT!
It is NOT going to make sense. That is just one of the ways the suicidal mind distorts the perception of reality.
Here is another to help you understand:
When you are feeling down, it is still possible to remember a time when you felt happy.
When you are in a suicidal mind state, the distortion on reality is that you can NOT remember a time you ever felt happy.
That is, in part, what contributes to someone feeling suicide is an option.
Divorced and single people, according to Stats Canada, commit suicide more often than married people. Partly because those who are divorced suffer greater losses than those who are simply alone. But in both cases, a very real factor is at play.
A person who is having a suicidal mindset needs someone OUTSIDE OF THEIR OWN MIND (another person outside him or her self) to help break the suicidal mind state.
Even then, depending on the degree of mental illness, it still may not be enough for certain individuals.
I am writing this because I see many people right now in mourning.
Anger, resentment and bitterness is PART of the mourning process.
That is normal.
However, COMPASSION is part of the HEALING process. You have a choice, you can either show COMPASSION or you can DISPLAY anger to the person who committed suicide.
And in the event you can not find it in yourself to show COMPASSION, because it is simply not an option for you, then you fully understand the mindset of a suicidal person...because that same inability to change your perspective, is exactly what that suicidal person went through.
I wish you all peace and healing.
May 2016, updated April 20, 2018
by Frank Kermit
In the youtube video below, Frank Kermit and Dr Laurie Betito talk about what singles can do, if they are tired of being single.
My first appearance on the radio program Passion on CJAD.com 800 AM, created and hosted by Dr Laurie Betito happened some time in 2009. In May of 2010, I was invited by Dr Betito to join her for a Monthly feature called Dating Dilemmas. This week (2016), when I appear on Passion's monthly feature Dating Dilemmas, I will be celebrating 7 YEARS as a monthly co-host.
2010 to 2011, 2011 to 2012, 2012 to 2013, 2013 to 2014, 2014 to 2015 and 2015 to 2016...yup this month marks the beginning of 7 YEARS together (8 years in total if you count 2009 appearances that were not Dating Dilemmas shows).
Being on CJAD.com has been a privilege, and more importantly, working with Dr Laure Betito has been a joy. Live on air, on mainstream media, where listeners can tune in and send in questions via phone, text or email, and doing rapid fire Q&A on the spot, never having pre screened the questions myself as they come in Live....has been some of the most rewarding and exciting experiences for me over the last 7 years.
I do not know what the future will hold.
Sometimes, I have to remember that just a few short months ago, I did not even know if I was going to recovery fully from my surgical mishap that has since left me...a little different than I used to me, and was not even sure I would have been able to continue doing media as frequently as I did.
All I know is I am still here, and at least for now, I am still on CJAD once a month, and continue to get audience feedback that they are happy to hear me.
Dr Laurie and I do not always agree on air (or off air for that matter) about some of my views on dating...but that is OK. She has always been respectful of my position and I of hers. It does make for entertaining listening though!
So in celebration of this being the beginning of my 7th year of Dating Dilemmas on Passion with Dr Laurie Betito, I thought a youtube video of our first dating dilemmas would be in order, just to give people a glimpse of how amateur I sounded on air, to get an idea of what a wonderful learning experience Dr Laurie as afforded me over the years.
Oh, one more thing...when we go on air this Wed night, May 25th at 10 pm EST LIVE on CJAD.com (or 800 AM on the radio broadcast dial for those in Montreal), it will also mark the very first episode of Dating Dilemmas to be SPONSORED.
Yes, you read that correctly. Dating Dilemmas, for the first time ever, as a sponsor. We Welcome Fritz-Gerald of Elite Speed Dating who will sponsor this episode of Dating Dilemmas!
Pretty Awesome way to break in the 7th year anniversary of Dating Dilemmas. I guess 7 is a lucky number after all.
Remember to tune in every last Wed of the month at 10 pm EST
Call in, text or email your dating questions!
Originally published May 17, 2016, Updated on April 20, 2018
Regularly I will receive emails from past clients sending updates, or current clients keeping me informed in between client sessions. Such a client wrote in to talk about how he is identifying some of his challenges and coming to terms with his abusive pasts.
“HP” is a former adult male virgin that I coached to get into the dating world after emancipating himself from his past by teaching him the Frank Kermit Emotional Needs Analysis system.
With his permission, I am posting this under a pen name for him, to protect his identity, because we both agree that many other people may benefit from his writing. I have invited him to write more articles for my blog as he deems it appropriate.
SOCIAL DEVELOPMENT WITH CPSTD AND DEPRESSION
From my experience as someone who is recovering from child abuse, religious cult mind control, depression and complex PTSD. I believe that those conditions can completely stop a person’s social development. Do they have to? Absolutely not!
With persistence and patience a person can develop great social skills. But these conditions will inhibit the development. For that reason it is in the person’s best interest to do everything they possibly can to recover from these conditions as fully as possible.
Before I dive into how these problems have affected my social development, I feel it is necessary to give a brief description of how my upbringing was so destructive.
First of all my family is highly religious and is highly female dominated. My mother is a low functioning narcissist who must have control over everything.
She also has chauvinistic views on males. She subjected me to things such as treating me less than because I am a male, gas lighting, constant shaming, and shunning me when I did not do what she said.
My father is a man who is severely damaged. He is very passive and risk adverse. He is controlled by my mother and he believes masculinity is evil and violent. He did not teach me about the social order or how I could find my place in society.
The area I grew up in is also very dysfunctional. The children I went to school with did not accept me for some reason. I was subject to constant verbal and sometimes physical abuse. That stayed constant for the entirety of my grade school years.
I was three years out of high school. I met up with a religious group called the ****. I ended up joining the group, which turned out to be a religious cult. To be honest it was a step up from the home I grew up with and my grade school situation as well. In that group I was subject to cult brainwashing and gained a view of sexuality that if expressed anyway other than marriage would lead to social rejection.
After nine years of being in that group I finally left at the age of 32. A month after leaving the **** all the damage that was collecting over the years finally came out. I was hit by a serious case of severe Depressive Disorder and Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.
Now I’ll explain how those conditions affected my social development.
When a person is developing socially by learning about the social arts and gaining experience, they will develop an inner compass and feelings that will empower them to have more success.
But depression creates an inner numbness and pain that snuffs all that inner energy out. It is like a big uncomfortable blanket that covers the soul.
While the person may know what to do and may see some success the energy and feelings of confidence will be completely snuffed out. The person will not feel like they are making any headway at all.
On top of that depression is a complete motivation killer and when the person makes an effort to get out there and make new friendships it often comes across as forced and unenthusiastic.
That energy that connects with others will be missing from the equation. It’s like a big wall that disconnects a person from the outside world.
Now PTSD and Complex PTSD makes the situation even more complicated. Those disorders fill a person with the trauma pain that could have been afflicted years ago, these disorders require special treatment to heal.
So if someone is 35 years old and saw intense prolonged emotional abuse as a child; Those feelings will stay with a person permanently until they get professional help to resolve them.
The way PTSD affects social development is that those feeling of rejection and fear of abandonment will stay with a person while they are learning and much like depression will negate any feelings of confidence and the developing inner compass with anxiety and often deep phobias.
The combination of Depression and PTSD will lead to a very frustrating sense of depression and anxiety. Now throw in the fact that the person is highly motivated to meet new people you now have a deeply conflicted individual.
That is what life is like when you are trying to grow with Depression and CPTSD.
Social development is possible but often slower that with a person who is emotionally healthy starting out. To reach the fullest potential a person I believe a person needs to heal these conditions.
With hard work, perseverance, and patience (in reality it takes a lot time to heal from 30+years of intense abuse) I believe a person can make a suitable recovery to get the life that is waiting or him.
-HP, Dallas, Texas
Dr. Laurie Betito Quotes