Here are 8 romantic gift ideas to surprise your other half with this year and for years to come.
A romantic surprise can renew your relationship, especially when it comes from the bottom of your heart. You may even fall in love all over again if you are at the receiving end of a big surprise. The good news is that surprises don't have to be expensive at all. But if you can afford them, there's nothing wrong with wowing your significant other with a priceless gift. If you want to reignite that spark in your love life, here are some sure-fire surprise ideas for your other half.
1. Remind them with a note that you care for them
If minimalism is your hallmark, go with something that's less costly yet meaningful. A simple creative gesture of love could take the form of a note to your partner, reminding them that they are always on your mind. Everyone wants to feel loved, isn’t it? You can renew the passion for your relationship by leaving an unexpected sweet note for your partner. It could be anywhere, say at the coffee table or maybe when you go for a date night. Fun surprises such as love notes can change the game of your relationship.
2. Write your partner a love letter
Putting your feelings for your partner on paper may sound old-fashioned, but believe it or not, handwritten love letters can constitute huge romantic surprises even in this digital age. According to Babita Spinell, a seasoned relationship expert, writing a love letter to your dearest one is a cool way to validate your affection for them. When a couple is experiencing rocky moments in their relationship, a love letter could also bridge the gap.
3. Take them out for a romantic trip
The coronavirus pandemic has impacted the world's tourism industry. However, if you want to still work on your couple goals, you could mask up and embark on a romantic trip. Since international travel restrictions may still be in force, you may want to opt for an outdoor adventure such as camping. Sweep your partner off their feet by planning a beautiful romantic trip with them. You may want to keep the trip as simple as possible; elaborate plans could fail in the midst of the pandemic.
4. Take your partner on a shopping spree
If your significant other has been talking about wanting new clothes, consider taking them out for shopping. Since shopping clothes for your partner when you don't know their sizes can be tricky, you may want them to go with you to the shop. Your girlfriend/boyfriend will probably see you as their best shopping assistant. Offer your feedback as they try new clothes, and your partner will likely find the best clothes.
5. Shower your partner with Valentine's Day flowers
With 2021 and Valentine's Day up in the air, you may want to surprise your other half with gifts such as flowers. It helps if you know which flowers are her favourite - whether tulips, sunflowers or roses. To stay safe from the virus and melt your partner's heart, you could order Fig & Bloom flowers for Valentine's Day. They can make bespoke floral arrangements that will pleasantly surprise our partner, and your thoughtfulness can help strengthen your relationship.
6. Offer them a full-body massage
You don't have to be a licensed massage therapist before you can calm down your partner with a soothing full-body massage. In these troubling times of the pandemic, it's easy for partners to stress out. A massage therapy can enhance your partner's life by reducing their stress, strengthening their immune system and improving blood circulation. Assuming you want to make the massage experience even greater for your other half, you could call in an expert therapist.
7. Buy them a ticket to a show
Is your partner a music lover, a sports fanatic, or a big fan of comedy? Buy them a ticket to their favorite show, and it will be nothing short of a big surprise. When festive seasons like New Year's Eve come around the corner, attending live events with your partner can be fun. Entertainment programs can also educate couples and help them realize their relationship goals.
8. Buy them beer and wine
If your boyfriend or girlfriend loves drinks that much, consider buying their favorite beer or wine. You may have to visit nearby breweries in your zone to have that wonderful couple time. For partners who may not want to step out, you could still order your beer and wine from home.
Romantic surprises have healing powers; incorporate them into your relationship and have a good time with your partner.
Do not be lazy when it comes to your relationships. Plan and schedule these suggested bonding activities to make you closer than ever.
Relationships are a beautiful thing. They provide you with a sense of belongingness and comfort that you have someone that you can always count on. However, when a relationship is stable, it is easy to get confident and complacent. Soon enough, you are falling into predictable routines that can lead to complacency.
Before you find yourself in a relationship death trap, take action. You can do many things as a couple to bring back the palpable excitement that you used to feel in the early years of your relationship. Push yourself to push the envelope and stop being lazy with your relationship.
From experiencing a new country to taking piano lessons together, here are some activities that can help strengthen your relationship.
1. Travel together to a new place.
Traveling together to places you have never been before creates a sense of excitement that refreshes your relationship. It allows you to explore and experience new things together. Studies show that couples who travel are more satisfied with their relationship. The memories of experiencing something new together creates a lasting and beautiful mark in both of you. You will forever treasure and look back into these shared memories with fondness and love.
There is also the romance and the spontaneity of traveling to a new place that makes it healthy for relationships. You both live in the moment, without worrying about work, the bills, and your responsibilities.
2. Learn something new.
Awaken your curiosities together and learn a new skill or hobby. Enroll in classes together. When you discover and learn something new, it brings you closer together. The process of learning, from that moment of vulnerability to the building of your confidence, can help strengthen your bond. Here are some classes or workshops that you can both take. Not only will learning something new keep the spark between you, but it can also help in your personal development.
Yoga Classes. Yoga encourages you to be mindful, allowing you to keep in touch with your emotions. It is also great for your mental and physical health. It's a great exercise that both of you can enjoy.
Piano Lessons. Connect to your artistic side and bring out the prodigy in you. Learning to play a new musical instrument is a fun way to awaken the eager child in you. You can also choose to learn different musical instruments.Something is rewarding about being able to play your favorite songs on a musical instrument. Who knows, come holiday get-togethers, you both can play a musical number for your family.
Foreign Language Class. Learning a new language is fun, and it is something that both of you can use when you travel in the future. Choose a language that you have always found fascinating. Learning to speak French and Spanish can come in handy for your next European tour.
Train for a Marathon. If a marathon seems too much, a fun run will do. Sign up for a community-run and train together. Achieving your goals together can make you feel more united as a couple.
Ballroom Dancing. Do you love the movie Dirty Dancing? Even if you are not a good dancer, you can still enjoy the benefits that dancing brings. Ballroom dancing encourages teamwork between you because you have to learn the dance together. Impress everyone in the next family event that you go to with your smooth dancing moves.
3. Attend concerts of your favorite artists.
Do you remember the feeling of watching your favorite singer live? The sounds and the atmosphere enveloping you, making the hair on your skin stand. There's a good reason why people are willing to pay hundreds of dollars to watch a live concert. It's that sense of being in the now, with the beat of the drums in chorus with your wildly beating heart that makes live concerts such an enjoyable experience. Aside from the fact that you will see your idol live in the flesh, people mostly pay for the experience and feeling that live concerts bring. Now imagine feeling that with your partner. Dancing and swaying to the music together can bring you closer and can help reduce stress.
4. Treat yourselves.
Relax and recharge together regularly. Go to a spa for a massage that you can enjoy side by side. You will both feel better and more relaxed, setting the mood for a more stress-free time together. Most spa packages come with a dinner course that you can enjoy after some relaxing massages and therapies. You can enjoy each other's company while in a lighter mood, savoring the food together, talking about anything that comes into your mind.
Maintaining a relationship requires work. However, it does not have to be hard. Make time for these bonding activities, and watch your relationship revive its old sparkle.
Looking for relationship advice? Consider all of your options before you move forward. Read this post to discover some pros and cons to asking for help.
When you’re in a rut, there’s a temptation to look to others for advice. People who have been through the same thing and have relationship experience can enlighten you on how to proceed. Of course, asking others for help is also very dangerous. There is no way to tell if their words are helpful or harmful until you’ve put them into practice, and then it might be too late. You need to find the perfect balance between making your own decisions and following the path well-trodden, and the best way to understand the pros and cons.
Here are two each to consider when you start experiencing relationship troubles.
Pro: They Can Empathize
A shoulder to cry on is always a nice feeling because it’s healthy to vent. However, couples who have been through the same thing can empathize, and that’s worth its weight in gold. Sometimes, there are generic things you need to do to get your relationship back on track, and they can talk you through them. Plus, there will be caveats that they figured out along the way which should come in handy. Without the need to stumble through in the dark and grope around, you can avoid saying and doing irreparable things.
Con: People Aren’t Transparent
Sadly, too many couples like to show off and make out as if they are the gold standard of love when they are in as much trouble. They shouldn’t throw stones from their glasshouse, yet they do - stones of hypocritical love. And, they do this while attending marriage counseling classes and trying to repair their damaged relationship. There is nothing wrong with giving advice, but it should be truthful and in the proper context. Otherwise, you might make the same mistake and end up in the same boat on a very dodgy looking creek.
Pro: They Want The Best For You
Often, the people we turn to for advice are the ones we love. It’s not like you’re going to stop a stranger on the street and ask their opinion. As a result, you know that everything you hear comes from the heart. They love you and want to help you be happy, which is why there is nothing untoward. Thinking with your head is the best policy, yet, sometimes, the heart has to rule over everything. To see it in real-time might inspire an epiphany which goes on to save your relationship.
Con: They’re Not Experts
The flip side of the coin is this: they amateurs. Sure, they’ve been in a successful relationship for years, but they have never stopped to analyze it. As a result, they don’t know the forensic details like a marriage counselor with qualifications and years of experience. A piece of good advice is only helpful when the process is on point as you might try and apply it to areas of your relationship where it isn’t applicable.
Listening to advice from others is comforting because it proves you’re not alone. Still, it’s essential to understand the limits of your confiders and seek professional help too.
Your opinion matters. Read more to learn how to make sure your voice is heard in your relationship.
While relationships are a place to love that person and share life with them, they can run on power dynamics over time. There’s usually one person who takes charge, or who is meant to at least. Sometimes, it’s a pure democracy. Ideally, both are assertive in their own manner, and is willing to discuss anything with the other person. This is why people often say ‘opposites attract,’ because if you imagine two puzzle pieces fitting together snugly, you need one person of a certain shape to best connect to someone of another.
However, it might be that despite being an assertive person, you usually err too much on the side of the ‘democratic ideal’ whenever you’re connected to someone in this manner. It might be that learning techniques to be more ‘positively assertive,’ can be more than worthwhile, and help the relationship flourish once more. We’re not talking of the need to boss the other around, because that will only breed animosity. Rather, it’s important to consider how you could be more playful, decide more things, and perhaps actualize yourself more in the relationship instead of letting the other do all the work.
Here’s what that might look like:
A Token Of Appreciation
Words can often be a great idea when trying to communicate your love, but often, actions speak louder. A token of appreciation could be many things, but for the most part, it is best embodied in gifts and experiences. For example, check out Tacori’s limited edition jewelry collection to ensure your partner feels amazing during their upcoming birthday celebrations. Something handcrafted can often work brilliantly too, as it emphasizes someone willing and ready to work on the love you both share. Simply giving a gift, sometimes at random, sometimes in a targeted fashion can show you’re always willing to win their approval and know that even after marriage, sweeping them off their feet is never a finished thing.
Often, the worst thing to say is ‘I don’t know, what do you want to do?’ It might be that your partner is tired of choosing where you eat, what movie you see, or what you do for the evening. Being a little more assertive and actually more truthful to that you wish to do can help you take charge, and that’s exciting for the other person. After all, they want to know what helps you enjoy life, and they wish to share your personality. If you leave everything up to them, you’ll struggle to make any progress at all.
Don’t Skirt Around Topics
It can often be quite easy to just jump around topics and sweep them under the rug. But actually, being more assertive means tackling them head-on. Perhaps your partner embarrassed you in front of their friends, and you wish to let them know you don’t appreciate that. Perhaps you are tired of always doing something their way. Perhaps you want them to help out more around the house. If you bottle feelings, you’re just going to have them explode out later in an unhealthy manner. To this end, you might find yourself worried. It’s always best to just communicate well. This way, bad relationships will end and good relationships will bloom.
With these tips, you’re sure to be more positively assertive in your relationships.
Are you in a possible toxic relationship?
Are you looking to help someone who is in a toxic relationship? What is a toxic relationship?
Learn more in this contributed post.
The compulsion to explore whether you’re in a toxic relationship could be due to; your own perception of your relationship or your concern over someone else's, the suggestion by another that you are in a bad relationship without your awareness, or even the thought that you may be the perpetrator, the victim or that both of you in the relationship are accomplices in being abusive to one another. This post sets the foundation for how we can stop violence against women and men, by gaining an understanding of how we interpret toxic relationships, identifying some of the common mechanisms of an abusive relationship, to having faith in your own self-awareness and taking steps to prevent, stop abuse or leave a relationship entirely.
How Do We Determine A Toxic Relationship?
For a person to define a relationship as healthy or toxic, is for a person to judge based on their own morals, values, beliefs and their acceptance of the law that governs their state to determine what is proper behavior and actions in a relationship and what is wrong. However, no two peoples beliefs, values, upbringing and experience of seeing and being in relationships are exactly the same. Furthermore, toxicity doesn’t arrive wrapped in the same packaging for everyone to define it as something that’s immediately obvious. It creeps up in all shapes and forms, sometimes unnoticed such as the gaslighting effect, manipulation, and mind games other times tragically obvious, such as forcing substance misuse, murdering or raping of a partner. In other cases, it’s difficult for someone who is prone to being the victim, to see that they might also contribute in being abusive themselves. For some of the signs that distinguish whether you may be involved in a bad relationship, preview the next section.
Common Traits Of Toxic Relationships
Part of this post is to explore beyond the us and them view, “they are the abusers, and I am the victim,” it’s also to create a sense of self-awareness on whether we may unknowingly actually be abusive ourselves. By previewing the signs below, this may trigger whether you may be the culprit, accomplice or victim of a toxic relationship.
This is a non-exhaustive list of how abuse might occur between two people.
Self Awareness In Relationships
With the above mentioned it may be difficult to define whether some of these situations you have endured could be interpreted as abuse, or you may convince yourself that although some of the above mentioned may have happened in your relationship, that they’re not severe and won’t lead to any other toxic behavior. When we’re in a relationship, it’s difficult for us to see things objectively. Moreover, when we’re outside of a relationship, we may fail to see the whole picture and what actually occurs behind doors. However, if you feel you may be inflicting or have inflicted harm on someone else you can seek professional help to prevent violence in your relationship and any issues escalating into irreparable damage that could affect you or another person both physically and psychologically. Never doubt your feelings if you think you are being mistreated, or that you are hurting someone close to you. Your emotions and gut instinct will give you an indication that something isn’t right in your relationship. To prevent falling victim to or being part of the abusive pattern in your relationships, there are preventative measures that can be taken.
Don’t make way for abusive behavior by consciously pushing your moral boundaries back to allow for abuse. Don’t discount your feelings towards abuse as unimportant. Don’t fall into an oblivion of believing normalized abuse portrayed by the media on tv, films and social media is what love entails. Protect yourself as you would your own children, be protective of your mind and body and seek family, friends and professional support from organizations such as https://www.thehotline.org/help/ to enable you to take steps to solve or end your relationship problems. More than anything, don’t wait and hope it won’t happen again.
Are you lacking confidence in relationships?
Read 5 tips that can help you be more confident in this contributed post.
Being self-confident in a relationship is not always easy, especially if you have been hurt in one before. Being self-confident can improve a relationship though as well as being better for your overall well being. Life throws enough stresses at us without you worry about the state of your relationship.
Stop Being Your Own Worst Enemy
No one will make you feel more worthless than you. You should value your own worth, as this will make you feel and look better. If it helps, have a new hairstyle or change the color of your hair. Anything that helps you feel more confident is good. It is very easy to be your own worst enemy and that has to stop right now!
Be An Individual
You should not let yourself become an extension of your partner. You are an individual with your own dreams and aspirations. People who have lived on their own for a while are often better at this because they are used to considering just themselves. Although no one would ever suggest you should be selfish, you do sometimes have to put yourself first.
It can be great if you have a shared interest, but it is also good to have an interest of your own. Apart from keeping you mixing with other people, it is something else for the pair of you to discuss.
You should also make sure you stay in touch with friends that you knew before you met your partner. It may well be that they socialize with both of you, but you should still have an occasional evening for just you and your friends.
Tell your partner a secret about yourself that no one else knows. Sharing secrets or things you are ashamed of from your past can help to establish a feeling of intimacy between you. Self-disclosure can help to build your confidence in each other. For instance, if in the past a sex therapist has helped you over a problem, or you once dated someone who turned out to be a drug taker and you almost got involved in them too, your partner will be pleased that your problems were solved and that you have the confidence in them to be honest about your past.
Don’t Settle For Second Best
Do not let your self-esteem drop so low that you put up with someone who is constantly criticizing you and does not show you any respect. Manners cost nothing and there is no excuse for them behaving in this way. You deserve better than this, so don’t settle for second best. Walk away from the relationship, as there is no doubt that someone better will come along one day. Yes, it can be hard, but it will benefit you both in the long-term.
Make sure you have fun together sometimes at least. Laughing together is a great help for any relationship, and yours will be no different. It could be at a film you are watching or maybe playing some sort of game. Having a fun element in any relationship is vitally important if it is to succeed.
Is it worth fixing a broken relationship? There are some specific things you need to know first. Read more in this contributed post.
Every relationship goes through its ups and downs. Despite promising intentions at the start, when love rules and the other person is seen through rose-tinted glasses, there will be problems that set in. Petty arguments will arise. Resentments will surface. Habits will start to grate. And the once blossoming relationship may start to wilt. That's not the end of the relationship, of course.
With effort, conversation, and the attempt to recapture the love that was present early on, a relationship can be solidified. It can be repaired before further damage sets in. However, if little effort is expended, on either side, then the relationship will start to suffer, and may eventually become broken. Where once there was love and friendship, there will now be animosity. And if this is compounded by certain behaviours such as unfaithfulness and abuse, then the relationship is probably over.
So, is it worth trying to fix a broken relationship? Yes and no.
The relationship may have to end if…
- One or both people in the relationship is abusive to the other.
- There is a lack of repentance about wrong behaviour.
-Resentments continue to fester with no attempts to communicate them
- One or both people continue to be unfaithful.
- There are signs that there is no longer love in the relationship.
Breaking up is hard to do, but sometimes it is the right thing to do, even in a marriage. Divorce firms, such as The Vendt Law Firm, are probably the best port of call. We say 'probably' because we don't want to talk about ending a relationship where there is still hope. However, sometimes we have to be honest with ourselves and admit that yes, the chances of the relationship recovering are slim to none. When the relationship is toxic because of yourself or that other person, then saying goodbye may be the answer.
On the other hand, if there are signs that the relationship can be mended, then every effort needs to be taken.
The relationship can be mended if…
- Love hasn't gone away, and there is still a longing to be together.
- Promises have been broken, but attempts have been made to repent and start again.
- Previous hardships in the relationship have been overcome successfully.
- It's difficult to imagine a life without the other person being present.
- There is still genuine affection for the other person, despite the struggles.
If any of the signs mentioned are still relevant, then there is still a chance. Love can overcome the obstacles in the way, provided both people in the relationship are willing to make the effort. With a desire to rekindle the love that may have faded, there is still hope. And where there is hope, there is a future.
So, what about you? Are you reading this because you are in a struggling relationship? If there are still signs of love, don't give up just yet. Speak to a relationship counsellor if necessary, and work to get things back on track. On the other hand, if the relationship has become toxic and you identified with what we said earlier, then it may be time to call it quits. These aren't easy decisions to make, but we hope you find the right answer if you are currently in this difficult position.
Let us know your thoughts on this difficult subject.
Long Distance Relationships are not easy! Discover how to make your Long Distance Relationship work in this contributed post.
Thanks to social media, video calling, and mobile technology, it has never been easier to connect with people all over the world. That has made it easier than ever before to stay in close communication with someone you love who lives far away.
While keeping in touch may be simpler than it used to be, that doesn't mean that long-distance relationships are any less stressful than they were prior to the rise of the digital age. It is not impossible to maintain a healthy relationship over some distance. However, it is very difficult and requires a lot of dedication from both parties involved.
There's a Financial Cost to Long-Distance Love
While you may no longer need to pay exorbitant long-distance phone call costs, there are still many expenses associated with a long-distance relationship. The primary one, of course, is travel. Whether you invest in your own transport, or choose to take a bus, a boat, or a plane, traveling frequently to see your significant other results in a lot of expenses. Additionally, you will likely incur other costs while visiting, as you will both want to make your trip special, especially if it's the first time you're meeting in person.
Over the course of a year, a long-distance relationship can cost hundreds or thousands of dollars to maintain, depending on where you live and how often you try to see each other. You'll also have to spend a lot of time sending texting, writing emails, video chatting, and otherwise communicating digitally with someone you wish you could see in person. It's important to be realistic about the amount of money and effort required to sustain a romantic bond in a long-distance relationship.
If You Believe It's Worth the Cost, Then It is
Love isn't rational. You can't control the fact that you have intense feelings for someone who lives far from you. If they return those feelings and you both agree that the effort of a long-distance relationship is worth it, then it can be worth a try. Do your best to avoid misunderstandings, discuss expectations about communication and fidelity, and prepare for some challenges along the way.
When you really care about someone, even the stress of a long-distance relationship becomes worth it. Although there are a lot of costs involved, from the emotional toll of feeling lonely too the expenses involved in traveling to see one another, if you truly have strong feelings for the other person, it's worth the cost.
Do you know how to keep the spark alive in your long-term relationship? Discover some great ideas in this contributed post.
Being in a long-term relationship is wonderful. Not only do you get to go through new stages of life with your significant other, but you also become closer than others. However, long-term relationships tend to lose that fiery spark that might have been there in the beginning. This lack of excitement leads many couples to drift apart over time.
If you want to avoid parting ways, you need to learn how to keep that spark alive in your long-term relationship. It’s easier than you think when you have a strong foundation. We all know how stressful the chaos of everyday life can be, and it’s understandable that you’ll stop focusing on your relationship. To make sure you stay connected with your partner, do these surprising things below that help strengthen your relationship.
1. Spend Time Apart
One of the most surprising ways to strengthen your long-term relationship is to actually spend time apart. This doesn’t mean you need to take a break or separate. However, it doesn't mean getting to know who you are outside of your relationship with your partner. When we’re in long-term relationships, it’s easy to define ourselves based on our relationship with our partner. This isn’t healthy.
You’re your own person with unique interests. Haven’t you ever heard the saying “absence makes the heart grow fonder?” Well, it’s true. Don’t be afraid to develop your own interests and friend groups outside of your partner. Take a weekend to yourself to have fun with your friends. Take a new class by yourself. This alone time and time spent without your partner is vital to retaining who you are as an individual.
2. Try Something New Together
Experiences form the backbone of strong relationships. When you’re doing the same things day in and day out, you start to lose focus. That spark you cherished early in your relationship fades fast. Make it a priority to try new things together regularly. Maybe you try a new restaurant every month or you go on weekend trips to new parts of the world. You might even try new lingerie, sexy costumes & more in the bedroom. All of these things bring you together over a shared experience.
3. Date Each Other
Dating isn’t just for the first few months when you’re getting to know your partner. You can date your long-time partner or even your spouse. In fact, this is essential to keeping your relationship alive. What is a date? It’s time when you just focus on each other and nothing else. In the early stages of your relationship, this was when you got to know each other.
Now that you’ve been dating for a while (or years!), you can use this time to reconnect. Leave the worries and stress at home and just talk to each other. You can talk about new things at work, your hobbies, or even your own kids at home. No matter what you talk about, treat this the same as you would a second or third date. You get to date your best friend! What could be better?
4. Travel Together
Traveling is the test of any relationship, long-term or short-term. When you travel, you’re forced into uncomfortable situations. Things are no longer in your control. Maybe your flight is delayed or you get lost in a new city. These stressful situations bring out true colors—for better or for worse.
How well do you know your partner? The best way to find out is to take them with you somewhere new. You’ll quickly learn how they act at their best and at their worst. While this can strain a failing relationship, it can also strengthen the best relationships.
Being in a long-term relationship is something to celebrate. Not many couples make it this far, so it’s clear you have something special worth savoring. The best way to strengthen your relationship is with these steps above, no matter how strange they might seem.
There are many factors to consider when deciding to live together with someone, Do you know what they are? Read this contributed post to find out more.
The title of this article sounds judgemental, but it’s really not. Asking yourself this question is absolutely a necessity no matter how in love or well supported you are with your lover. Of course, there are some circumstances where moving in together with your boyfriend or girlfriend might be a no-brainer, depending on your current situation. For example, you might decide that since you have a child on the way, it’s best to set up that personal family home in a secure, stable manner, and really try to make a go of things. Many people have done this, and many people have succeeded in crafting a beautiful family home, even though it perhaps wasn’t as planned as it could have been.
But of course, this is a highly specific circumstance, and it may or may not apply to you. If you can, it’s always best to consider deeply when the potential of moving in together comes up. If you manage to simply take the time to consider your position, you can either move forward with your plans enjoying greater confidence or potentially avoid a mistake until you once again consider it.
Consider our simple list of advice to try and decide whether or not this is a good personal decision to make:
What is the financial history and handling like within your relationship? How has this been in the past? Perhaps a stumble here or there isn’t too worrying as we all experience problems from time to time. However, if your other half has been evicted at any time in the last five to ten years, or if they regularly overspend or miss their rental payments, there is no way that tying your financial history to this person is worthwhile.
If you are the person without this sense of financial reliability, it might be that you’re going to struggle to do so in a relationship. Couples often spend MORE when together, not less, and it’s often easy for bad habits to become twice as echoed if you both share them. It might even be that you only have a middling lack of financial handling in the recent past, but if your other half hasn’t challenged you on this (especially if you’re close enough to consider moving in together,) it might be that they aren’t quite the fundamental rock you expect them to be to help you manage your spending issues, nor should you expect them to be.
Financial untying yourself from someone else and vice-versa, especially when two names are on a lease or two contracts become one can become messy if the agreement dissolves. If you’ve ever seen Judge Judy, you’ll know that lawsuits between jaded ex-lovers who moved in together two quickly and shared each and every asset they owned is perhaps 90% of the lawsuits brought to the Judges panel.
It’s neither smart, romantic or clever to throw away your potential financial security to proceed with moving in. You can live semi-permanently with someone without having to tie yourselves together on one lease, or moving together in an apartment signed by both of you.
Of course, if you both have good credit, a history of on-time and well planned financial decisions, and you trust the other person, you can progress with greater confidence. We’d recommend knowing the person and their financial behaviours for at least two years before moving in, although more is often better. Once taking the decision to move forward, take another six months to verify everything financially, assessing and reassessing your eligibility for this life situation. Just like the waiting period after deciding on a tattoo design, time can often bring a refreshed sense of clarity in the long-term if we give ourselves enough time.
Of course, financial stability is one thing, but it’s nothing without the emotional glue that holds a relationship together. Young couples often think that love will last forever, but often it’s maturity that tempers the fires of love and helps retain that sense of rationality at the end of the day, even through tumultuous times. If your relationship often falls into an on-off form of connectivity, then perhaps fusing yourselves together with the financial responsibility of a home is not quite the best idea, even if focusing on a humble apartment at this stage.
It does seem to be somewhat of a cultural attitude that most couples fight and go through long, down periods, but that’s not true at all. Small grievances and annoyances are normal, but they must be talked through. If yourself and your partner have large blowouts, even one a year, it’s a sign that the relationship might not deal with the strain of maintaining and sustaining the funding of a household, no matter how humble.
It’s easy to see that having a child to ‘fix’ a relationship is an absurdly stupid move for most people, but moving in together can be nearly as toxic for both involved. If you haven’t had an argument or large disagreement in your relationship you haven’t worked through immediately, and you trust each other even in the harder times, it might be that you are suitable to consider this step more appropriately.
Emotions vs. Cold Hard Logic
While young love or even mature love can feel like a river of emotions you love to become swept in, this is never the right time to make life decisions that can impact you both. This isn’t to say you need to feel completely detached and mechanical in your decisions for the future, but you do need to temper the positives of your relationships with the worries of the future if you hope to make a good decision. It also cannot be done out of a sense of hurried pacing.
A good analogy is to imagine what you’re like when taking care of your weekly grocery purchases. If you head to the store while hungry, it’s likely you’ll purchase much more than you need. There are clinical studies performed that prove this resoundingly well, but the common sense of this situation is hard to argue in the first place. Consider how this might apply to your current situation, and you’ll have a good idea of what we mean.
Considering the appropriate plan can be worthwhile for now. HDB flats for couples are often the best starting, stepping stone on your path to joining the property market together. It’s best to stay humble. If you can both stay aware of your responsibilities and can temper your expectations to begin with, it might be that drawing up a long-term plan could be very appropriate to do.
Start small. Appreciate what you have. Focus on working together to better your career and financial situations instead of spending on the highest and most comforting residence you can right now. When pooling an income you may be able to achieve something nicer than you would have solo in the first place. Of course, a couple will only need one bed, so it might be that someone moving into the other’s apartment could be a better and cheaper alternative than to simply find a new place together.
Consider compromise. How might both you working commutes be affected? Did you want to live abroad for a certain amount of years? Where are both of your families? Do you have anyone else aside from the relationship participants to turn to for help if you’re struggling a little? Drawing up a set of rough plans of what life will be like on a daily, practical level can help you understand that which you’re getting involved in, giving you the red, amber or green lights to either stop, stay cautious and patient, or proceed with your decision. When contextualized like this, it’s often easy for couples to retain a sense of rationality about their potential timeline of moving, and that’s only ever a good thing.
With these tips, you’re sure to enjoy a more informed decision, no matter your final analysis.
Dr. Laurie Betito Quotes