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The Benefits Of Hiring A Private Investigator To Care For A Cheating Spouse

3/23/2022

2 Comments

 
No one likes a cheating partner. A relationship is all about trust. If you lose trust, your relationship can never be the same again. Marriage is not just about a fairytale-themed wedding. Some ups and downs need to be sorted out with collective effort. If one partner is away, the other should grab his hand and put him back on track. However, if your partner is being suspicious and you are fearing a third person's involvement, then it is time you hire a private investigator.     
magnifying glass
Is Your Partner Acting Suspicious?

A private investigator can help you confront your partner with facts and proof. Hiring a private investigator to verify the suspicion about your cheating spouse can have multiple benefits. Some of the benefits are described in this article. 

1. 
Solve The Case Easily

A private investigator can help you solve the case of mystery and suspiciousness your partner is showing. You can not do that yourself because if your spouse gets a hint, they may change their course. Catching them afterward may become even more difficult.  Therefore, if you hire a private investigator, he can solve the case much more easily and discreetly.  

2. Bring Concrete Proof

Investigators are professionals who know how to perform their job effectively. They will not only solve the mystery of your partner but also bring concrete proof in the form of pictures, videos, and audio if necessary. You can utilize this proof to confront your cheating partner. You can also use this proof for your legal action, in case you find it the last resort. The proof is important if you are going to confront your spouse. Without proof, it's your spouse's action against your word. They may deny all your allegations and present you to the world as a paranoid human being who does nothing but a spy. However, if you have proof, you will have more confidence in what you are saying. 

3. Maintain Anonymity

 Private investigators take their job very seriously. They maintain their anonymity to perform their job effectively. The ability of an investigator to work discreetly allows him to work closely with your spouse. For example, if your cheating spouse is having dinner with someone, a private investigator can get closer to capture clearer pictures and record their conversation. This proof gathering is possible only because private investigators remain anonymous.
 

4. Follow Legal Protocols

 Every individual has a constitutional right to privacy. Therefore, if you are spying on your spouse, they might sue you for invasion of their privacy. However, some regulations allow an individual to investigate others by following legal protocols. A private investigator knows these legal Protocols and makes sure that he does not invade someone's privacy. His only goal is to gather information for you, without involving himself directly. Because of these Protocols, the information your investigator collects for you can be used in court.
 

5. Work Professionally 

As mentioned earlier, private investigators are professional experts. Through experience, they have learned ways to work in certain conditions. They know the best way to handle a certain case. They will devise a policy specifically tailored to meet your needs. Whether you need your investigator to travel to different places, they will not make excuses. They will perform the job professionally and efficiently.  They have all the equipment required to investigate a person. 

Conclusion 

 Cheating partners can be difficult to handle. You can not confront them directly without proper facts. If you want to collect facts and verify your suspicion about your spouse, hiring a private investigator can help you solve the case. An investigator will collect all the facts while remaining in the confines of the law and bring your concrete proof to stand with you when you confront your partner.        
2 Comments

3 Rules to Taking Back a Cheating Partner

2/3/2021

0 Comments

 
Would you give your cheating partner a second chance? Keep reading to learn some signs that they may be trustworthy again.
man woman facing away from each other
Can You Trust Your Partner?

Infidelity is something that we would rather not think about in a relationship. If you've been cheated on by someone, many people will probably tell you to walk away from the relationship. Infidelity appears to be rife in certain areas. And while there are many people who confess to having an emotional affair, an actual physical cheat is something that is unforgivable in many people's books. But, there could be some situations where you might choose to give them a second chance. Here are some of the signs that your partner may be trustworthy enough.


It Wasn’t a “Full” Affair


Any type of cheating doesn't feel good. But if you find out that your partner had a drunken smooch at a work party, you may want to consider how many infidelity points it racks up. That's not to say that a one-time kiss is okay, but you have to decide what is acceptable and what is not. Just because you aren’t marching them to a sexual health clinic doesn't mean that you are not hurt.


They Will Allow You To Keep Asking Questions About the Infidelity


If they feel stupid for doing it, they may not want to keep talking about it, for fear that you are trying to undermine them or drag their name through the mud again to make them feel bad. But if your partner is open to talking about the reasons behind their infidelity, this is a good sign. But if they want to sweep the problem under the rug and never deal with the issues again, this can cause a lot of problems now and in the future. The importance of talking about the infidelity means addressing the issues multiple times. It's about putting in the hard work, which means talking about the issue until you feel confident in the relationship again. They need to be able to regain your trust, but they have to put in the work. If they don't want to put in the work, it's not a good idea to stay with them.


You Can Understand Why They Did It


Communication is crucial for this. You need to understand why they did it. In addition, it requires a lot of cooperation. You need to come to the decision if they are a good person that made a bad choice this time, or if they are a person that's likely to repeat this again in the future. You may feel hurt, and you may want to settle the score by cheating on them, but this is not a good way to fix a relationship. This only builds up resentment over time and can be a game of tit-for-tat. If you could understand why they did something, but you don't feel confident in the relationship anymore, it is far better for you to walk away and hold your head high without any regrets.


Taking back a cheating partner is not about putting things back to the way they were, but it's about realizing that if this has happened, the relationship will need to change. In order to move on, you have to accept this.
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6 Signs You Need A Marriage Counselor

1/27/2020

1 Comment

 
Learn 6 signs that can signal the need for a marriage counselor.

There is no denying that marriage can sometimes be challenging. Things like complacency can set into marriages over time, as can issues with communication, leading to all kinds of problems. And if those issues don’t get resolved or even identified, those brewing problems can soon turn into an exploding volcano complete with spectacularly upsetting results.

Of course, there are steps that couples can take to mitigate the likelihood of problems reaching the point of no return. The first is to identify and admit when there’s a problem, as only then can the two people involved work together towards resolving marriage issues before they reach a crisis point. Whether you’re happy with your marriage or not, here are six signs that you both potentially need to see a marriage counselor:

woman wearing boxing gloves punching a man
There Are Steps Couples Can Take Before Reaching The Point Of No Return


​1. You find each other unapproachable

Do you both find it hard to communicate with each other? And do you think twice before approaching each other to ask a question, for example? If so, they are sure-fire signs that your marriage needs some professional help. When you do seek advice, asking how to deal with poor communication should be at the top of your marriage counseling questions to ask.

2. Your sex life is non-existent

Sometimes not having enough intimate time with each other can be attributed to things like stress, fatigue, or other medical reasons. If you’re quite confident that your partner is merely finding excuses not to be intimate with you, it could be a sign they want to distance themselves from you.

3. You can’t get over past indiscretions

Has your spouse cheated on you in the past? If that’s the case, it’s only natural that you find it difficult to let go of such previous indiscretions. When someone cheats on you, it’s a real struggle to trust that person again for obvious reasons. There’s always a reason why people cheat in a marriage, so it’s worth talking things through with a marriage counselor to find out what that reason was in the past.

4. You’ve both lost a child

Losing a child at any age is something you wouldn’t even wish on your worst enemy. In such times, it’s important to be there for each other. After all, marriage is all about sticking with each other through the good times and the bad. But if your spouse has been distant and “cold” with you since the loss of your child, you’ll need to work things out together with the help of a marriage counselor.

5. You always argue over money

Apart from communication, one of the most common reasons for couples to fall out with each other in a marriage is over finances. It’s usually because one person isn’t fulfilling their financial obligations, such as paying household expenses.

6. Your spouse spends too much time working
​

Let’s face it: we all need to earn a living to pay our bills and survive. Is your spouse spending too much time working and not much time with you and your family? If so, a marriage counselor can help you both find ways to achieve a better work-life balance.

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Relationship Advice: The Pros And Cons Of Looking To Others

7/21/2019

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Looking for relationship advice? Consider all of your options before you move forward. Read this post to discover some pros and cons to asking for help.
man and woman sitting on steps
Find Balance When Asking For Advice



When you’re in a rut, there’s a temptation to look to others for advice. People who have been through the same thing and have relationship experience can enlighten you on how to proceed. Of course, asking others for help is also very dangerous. There is no way to tell if their words are helpful or harmful until you’ve put them into practice, and then it might be too late. You need to find the perfect balance between making your own decisions and following the path well-trodden, and the best way to understand the pros and cons.


Here are two each to consider when you start experiencing relationship troubles.

Pro: They Can Empathize

A shoulder to cry on is always a nice feeling because it’s healthy to vent. However, couples who have been through the same thing can empathize, and that’s worth its weight in gold. Sometimes, there are generic things you need to do to get your relationship back on track, and they can talk you through them. Plus, there will be caveats that they figured out along the way which should come in handy. Without the need to stumble through in the dark and grope around, you can avoid saying and doing irreparable things.

Con: People Aren’t Transparent

Sadly, too many couples like to show off and make out as if they are the gold standard of love when they are in as much trouble. They shouldn’t throw stones from their glasshouse, yet they do - stones of hypocritical love. And, they do this while attending marriage counseling classes and trying to repair their damaged relationship. There is nothing wrong with giving advice, but it should be truthful and in the proper context. Otherwise, you might make the same mistake and end up in the same boat on a very dodgy looking creek.

Pro: They Want The Best For You

Often, the people we turn to for advice are the ones we love. It’s not like you’re going to stop a stranger on the street and ask their opinion. As a result, you know that everything you hear comes from the heart. They love you and want to help you be happy, which is why there is nothing untoward. Thinking with your head is the best policy, yet, sometimes, the heart has to rule over everything. To see it in real-time might inspire an epiphany which goes on to save your relationship.

Con: They’re Not Experts

The flip side of the coin is this: they amateurs. Sure, they’ve been in a successful relationship for years, but they have never stopped to analyze it. As a result, they don’t know the forensic details like a marriage counselor with qualifications and years of experience. A piece of good advice is only helpful when the process is on point as you might try and apply it to areas of your relationship where it isn’t applicable.

Listening to advice from others is comforting because it proves you’re not alone. Still, it’s essential to understand the limits of your confiders and seek professional help too.

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Are You Emotionally Faithful?

5/17/2018

0 Comments

 
huffpost logo
Throw Back Thursday. Interview with Tom Matlack for The Huffington Post

Are You Emotionally Faithful?

What constitutes infidelity? Looking at porn? Chatting with an old flame on Facebook?
Guys weigh in.

by Tom Matlack (originally published June 12, 2010)


With the recent indiscretions of Brett Favre, Tiger Woods and other famous philanderers, the question of what constitutes infidelity is on our minds. And, surprise surprise, men and women don’t always agree. Does having a special friend of the opposite sex at work count as cheating? How about looking at porn? Striking up conversations with an old flame on Facebook?


According to an ongoing infidelity poll of over 8,000 women conducted by WomanSavers, 69 percent of women believe that viewing porn is emotional cheating. In a similar WomanSavers poll, 92 percent of all women felt that online affairs constituted infidelity. (Granted, the readers at WomanSavers, a site where you can do a background check on a guy before going on a date, might not reflect women everywhere.)


But suffice it to say, there are many views on emotional fidelity. We would love to hear yours. As a guy, what do you think is important for a fulfilling relationship? What’s OK and what’s not? Do you have the urge to stray emotionally or physically? How do you deal with those urges?




Here’s what some of them men I spoke with said:

*****

This is an interesting gray area, since most men probably can’t even define the term “emotional fidelity,” and would be unlikely to engage in it unless they were being physically unfaithful at the same time. From the male perspective, it seems like a package deal, so I’m not sure how useful it is to try and make a distinction between the two types of cheating.

—Tom Perrotta, author of “The Abstinence Teacher” and “Little Children”


*****


Our biology has its own imperatives and we can recognize and respect that without believing that those feelings represent our true self. It’s similar to the way we behave when drunk; the old phrase is “in vino veritas,” but we know today that the uninhibited self isn’t the “true” self, but only another facet of our personality. The problem is when we think that that’s who we really are, and either beat ourselves up over it or use it as an excuse to choose to behave badly. Desires are a product of our bodies, just like indigestion, and these momentary urges don’t have to mean anything more than indigestion does — unless we make them more important through our thoughts or actions.

—Dylan Wittkower, ethicist



 *****


One point of view that often gets dropped out this conversation is that of the growing number of Americans who are polyamorists. These people have solved the paradox of wanting both long-term committed relationships and multiple partners by being honest about it. Fidelity for polyamorists means being honest about their feelings for others, instead of trying not to have them. I have been in polyamorous relationships since 1967. I have been with the woman I am married to since 1961, and I have several other relationships that have lasted for decades.

—“Silenus”



 *****


If women want men to be cool and in control of ourselves, to tamp down on and corral the intensity of our desires, that costs something: a measure of warmth and openness that we bring to any relationship; it also potentially stokes a toxic brew of resentment.

—Donald Unger, lecturer, Massachusetts Institute of Technology and author of “Men Can: The Changing Image & Reality of Fatherhood in America.”




*****


I hear about this every night on my radio show. Emotional fidelity is something men can do but his needs must be met — just like a woman. When a man is not getting what he needs, he may start looking elsewhere for someone to take care of his desires. If we have a good lady at home, then we’re going to resist any sort of temptation. And it’s easy for a woman to keep a man interested by being a true friend who’s got his back, providing support and tearing it up in that bedroom. Simple.

—Jerry “The Loverman” Wade, syndicated talk show host



*****


If a man’s emotional needs are addressed, he feels respected and that elicits a bonding trust within him toward the woman who best addresses his particular combination of emotional needs. His emotional needs would include protecting his reputation, giving him his quiet time and supporting the lifestyle he works to achieve. Depending on what is most important to him as an individual, even the most notorious player can be emotionally faithful if his emotional needs are met. One of the differences between men and women is the emotional impact that the act of sex has on the genders. For women, the act of sex can potentially address most of her emotional needs. For men, the act of sex is an emotional need; thus, since it only addresses one emotional need, great sex alone will not make a man emotionally faithful.


—Frank Kermit, relationship coach




*****


As a man you have to be willing to put all cards on the table. I believe a relationship works when both partners inspire each other, as well as feel fully expressed. If someone in the relationship is stifled or unhappy with anything else in his or her life, it will chip away at the relationship. Also, if you’re not getting what you want in a relationship, don’t be afraid to say: “I love you, but I’m not happy in this relationship.” Honesty is key.


—Jason Silva, founding producer/host for Current TV



*****


To suggest that men cannot be faithful, when 60 percent of married women cheat on their husbands, is preposterous. In addition, women lie about their fertility and use of birth control (which is maternity fraud), as well as the actual men who fathered their children (paternity fraud). AshleyMadison.com, a noted dating website for married people, reports a significantly increased enrollment of women the day after Mother’s Day. Fidelity has nothing to do with gender and everything to do with integrity, maturity and stability.


—Marc H. Rudov, author and Fox News personality



*****


Emotional infidelity is a lot harder to quantify than sexual infidelity. Where’s the line? What if it’s only one-sided? I bet a lot of guys think of it as a loophole in cheating — “Hey, we’re not touching.” But I bet that if men imagined their wives emotionally straying, they’d be as alarmed, if not more so, than if their wives slept with other men. You know damn well if your wife is lying in your shared bed or someone else’s, but you’ll never really know where her emotions point.
Communicate. Speak up when something is wrong. If a relationship is healthy, you won’t need to look outside of it to feel loved. And include. If you’re growing close to some woman — someone at work, or someone you met through a friend, or whatever — invite her (and her boyfriend/husband) to join you and your girlfriend/wife for dinner, whatever. Bring a relationship out into the open, and make it part of your public life, and it no longer feels like a secret space to stash your feelings.

—Jason Feifer, editor, Men’s Health



*****


A man must be emotionally present to his wife in order for emotional faithfulness (whatever that might actually be) to even be an option. If a man is indeed emotionally present, then he can be truthful — to himself and to her. It seems to me that any type of “emotional infidelity” must be a result of emotional disconnection (absence) with one’s spouse. I suspect that if a man is truly emotionally present and authentic, then the whole issue of emotional faithfulness just sort of dissolves. If he is emotionally present, then he is truly in the relationship. The marriage is alive.


—Justice Marshall, creator of The Hero Principles, theheroprinciples.com




*****


Many men have no concept of being emotionally faithful — they feel that physical faithfulness is enough of a “sacrifice.” While a man would flip out if his wife was “emotionally” involved with another man, he often do not recognize or care that he is emotionally involved with another woman. Many men also think that having a relationship with another woman that does not involve sex (of course it usually ends up involving sex of one sort or another) but is rather a way of “sharing feelings” is somehow OK. Men can be anything they choose to be — it is making the right choices that makes a good man.


—Pablo Solomon, artist




*****


The best way to explain emotional fidelity is to explain what constitutes emotional infidelity. Technically, this is when you choose not to or you’re unable to share your emotions, thoughts and feelings with your significant other, yet you share them with someone else of the opposite sex. Although you’re not having a physical affair, you are being emotionally intimate with someone other than your partner.

Emotional infidelity is not simple flirting. But, it can begin with flirting, as that is how many relationships develop. That casual banter with a co-worker may turn in to flirting and something more serious and emotionally involved as time goes on.
To be emotionally faithful is to not betray your partner. You know your partner better than anyone else; what her needs are and how she feels about everything. If you’re sharing special thoughts, feelings, ambitions or dreams with someone other than her, then you are knowingly being emotionally unfaithful and trust has been broken.


—Paul Falzone, Chief Executive Officer, eLove.com




*****


I always liked the saying, “The definition of character ... is doing the right thing when no one is watching.” I think this applies to relationships as well.
—Ted Wayman, news anchor



*****


Men fall in love with women other than their spouses all the time, and I would bet it happens in reverse. It doesn’t have to be a big deal: a crush, a friendship that flows and then ebbs in intensity. This is harmless if key lines aren’t crossed. That’s the crux of it for me and my wife: defining what those key lines are. We’ve decided they are: sex, revealing personal secrets/exposing some sacred trusts, and allowing too much time to be taken away from our relationship. They are not flirtation or infatuation or attraction. I mean, come on: Cupid only shot his arrow through my heart — or my wife’s heart — once in our lifetimes? That seems pretty naïve to me. Better to admit the fact that a wide variety of people are going to appeal over the decades of a committed relationship, and focus on what the lines are that are not to be crossed.


—Stuart Horwitz, senior editor, BookArchitecture.com



*****


It seems to me that the journey to emotional honesty is first a journey to understand one’s feelings. If I understand what I am feeling, how my fears color my feelings, then I may have a shot at being emotionally honest — if I can find the words and the courage to express them.


—Joe D’Ariggo, business executive





*****



Infidelity isn’t a “capacity” problem; it’s a “choice” problem: Do I choose to grow up, be responsible, and embrace the requirements for loving rather than remain detached and ungrounded as a “flying boy” in search of Never Never Land? Granted, there’s a complex relationship between fidelity to one versus desire of another. What is undeniably in our nature is a lust for novelty, some modicum of freedom and separateness while in passionate pursuit of its polarity — belonging to some “one” and committing to a person that expands our sense of ourselves.

Infidelity is not so much about the sex as it is about the deception, both toward our self and our partners. So let’s get honest. Men have the ability to be both intimate and faithful. It’s not that men are commitment phobic; it’s that they’re frightened by the requirements for loving someone because it asks us to evolve. Are we willing to become who we must to live up to what love and a real relationship demand of us? It’s time to choose.


—Dr. Jay Ferraro, licensed clinician and relationship expert





*****

tom matlack headshot
Tom Matlack






Tom Matlack is founder of www.goodmenproject.com

Follow Tom Matlack on Twitter: www.twitter.com/tmatlack

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What should you do if your partner cheats on you?

2/23/2018

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cheating
What Should You Do If Your Partner Cheats On You?

If you just found out that your partner is, or might be, cheating on you, read this article to help you decide exactly what to do right now before you make a bad situation worse.

It is never a pleasant situation when you suspect, or have reason to believe, that your partner may be cheating on you.  If you are in that situation here is some Frank Kermit advice on how to handle yourself.


First stay calm.


Getting angry or getting violent will make things much worse for you (and your kids if you have any). No matter how much you feel justified, go do whatever you have to do to avoid letting your negative emotions take control.

Get out of the house, go to the gym to work out your frustrations, talk to a friend or your coach (if you already have one). But cool off before you take any action.

At this point, you do not know anything more than your partner has (MAYBE) been unfaithful.



The second thing you need to do is verify
and confirm that the cheating is taking place.



Your best friend telling you he/she
saw something is NOT evidence.


(Read my previous article about Sabotage Between Friends)


 If you have no evidence (as would be accepted in a court of law) then focus on getting some. Depending on the nature of the cheating, look at:

-tracking software,
-hiring a private investigator, or
-security camera footage.




You must think LONG TERM.




Thirdly, while you are collecting evidence, check all of your bank statements and accounts and see if there is any unusual activity. If the infidelity was a casual occurrence, it can be dealt with differently than if your partner is planning on leaving you and you see large sums of money missing, it could be a sign of upcoming abandonment.

If the infidelity was not a step towards abandonment, then it may be possible to save the relationship (if that is something you want).



Fourth, once you have the evidence and have secured some financial security for yourself (just in case abandonment is still a risk), seek out the advice of an independent account or a lawyer specializing in family law.



 Be careful
NOT to be pressured
into leaving your partner
(unfortunately some professionals
may encourage splitting up).





Fifth, do an analysis of how a break up would affect you realistically.

Depending on your circumstances, you could be in a lot worse situation if you leave without first trying to fix the relationship you are in.

Ask people (or your coach Frank) who's lives got worse after a significant break up, and they will tell you (if they trust you with the truth as they do when they talk to me), that if they knew how their lives would have turned out, they wouldn't have jumped ship so quickly.




 Things like:

-not seeing your kids on certain holidays,
-losing savings and retirement funds to pay legal fees,
-and struggling to find a decent relationship afterwards

are not pleasant.




The Sixth action for you to take is:


Work on an exit plan to make sure that you will not be facing homelessness, and consider putting it into action even if you do not break up with your partner.

Consider staying with your partner if your exit plan may take some months to take effect (for example, if you never finished a certification and have 3 months left to get your license for a new profession that would allow you to support yourself, it may be wise to get it done before you exit the relationship).




Seventh, finally, if it is true that your partner is cheating, but after confronting your partner, it does turn out that your partner does want to work on your relationship,

then no matter how hurt or angry you are,

make the effort to work on your relationship if the good in the relationship outweighs the bad



Especially if the infidelity is the only major blemish you have to contend with.




Nothing happens in a vacuum.





This is very important, because people that do not stop and access the repeating behavior patterns that they exhibit (conscious or unconscious) that put them in this position to begin with, are destined to repeat said behavior patterns, and likely end up exactly where they are again, with the next significant partner and the next big break up.




This is a great time to seek out the help of a professional counselor, licensed couples therapist, or relationship coach, or other authority figures you trust (a religious leader) to get additional perspectives.

You may have played a part in the infidelity of your partner; then again perhaps it had nothing to do with you.

A third party perspective can help you determine that.





How you react
will very much influence
if the two of you can survive
as a couple or not.




This is not a time to shame your partner to friends and family, but instead, spend time with your partner and see what it was that brought you together in the first place, where things went wrong, and what would have to happen going forward to bring things back to a place where the two of you can move on.




This may require both of you to make sacrifices (not hanging out with friends, not working late at the office, etc...) to make sure the two of you have TIME to work on this. If you do not, things could get worse.

It could be that the two of you have to re-define some boundaries, and perhaps even modify your relationship structure (even consider something that is consensual non-monogamy if you have not already).





Perhaps it is time for a discussion about unreasonable or unrealistic expectations that each of you had to begin with.

A key point is to never make a rash decision.

Remember that the concept of "in good times and in bad" was set to remind couples that bad times are part of life.






You have a choice.




You can put in efforts to make it better, or you can put in efforts (or lack thereof) to make it worse.

Either way, you will live with the consequences of your choices.



#cheat #cheaters #affairs #infidelity #unfaithful #cheated #cheatedon #cheater #affair #mistress #sideman #sideguy #liaison #hookup #marriage #divorce #

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Suggestions For Couples Who Are Going Through A Rough Patch

7/25/2017

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4 Communication tips for couples are highlighted in this contributed post.
​

A rocky patch in your relationship can cause distress to both sides. It can affect your work, your social life, and your family life too, especially if there are children involved. While it may feel like your relationship is coming to an end, ups and downs are very common in relationships, and you may be able to work through your issues to make it out the other end happier and more content. Take a look at some of the solutions below that could help you both work through your issues to get your relationship back on track.

holding hands
holding hands https://tinyurl.com/y8bucma2
Talk

Communication is key to a healthy relationship. However, this is one element that many people struggle with, and it’s poor communication that can ruin a relationship. Talking through your issues is difficult, but if you can do so in a way that is non-argumentative and simply expresses how both sides feel, you may find that there is an easier solution to your problems than you realize. Take some time to really talk to each other about the things that have been bothering you for a much healthier relationship where both sides feel heard.


Counselling

You may not really know much about couples counselling, or feel that it is not for you, but it is something that helps thousands of couples each day to enjoy healthier, more honest relationships. Whether you have problems communicating with each other, you suffer from sexual intimacy issues or anything else that may be causing your rough patch; couples counselling could be the thing that brings you both together again in a safe and open space.


Get away from it all

Sometimes it’s outside factors that cause our relationships to suffer. If work is affecting your relationship for example, or even one person having a much more active social life than the other, then a vacation could be just what the two of you need. Putting physical distance between the issue and your relationship could be beneficial, and a vacation will give you both the chance to relax without distractions to leave you both feeling much happier when you return. A vacation will also help you establish some perspective so that when you return, you can find ways to manage your workload better or prioritize your relationship over late nights with friends to help you refocus on your relationship.
​


Spend more time together
​
Sometimes the issue can be that you’re just not spending time together. It can be difficult if your schedules clash, or you’re in a long-distance relationship, but these are issues that can be resolved by spending more quality time together. Try to spend time together, enjoying date nights that are free from distractions (that means keeping your phones away!), that let you both catch up on how you’re doing and enjoy each other’s company.

Relationship issues can be difficult, but for many people, they are a phase that will disappear with a bit of work. It’s important to remember that love is not a power play, so it’s important to treat your partner as an equal and ensure that they do the same in return. It’s difficult to deal with issues, but tackling them head on will benefit your relationship and make you both stronger for it.

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Poly Can't Cure A Cheater Addicted To Cheating

3/27/2017

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non-monogamy issues
Open Relationships Vs. Infidelity
Open Relationships vs Infidelity
By Frank Kermit

 
*This is an excerpt of my Ebook: FRANKTALKS VOLUME 3: MONOGAMY AND NON-MONOGAMY EDITION EBOOK

Poly Can't Cure A Cheater Addicted To Cheating
Some people believe that one of the surest ways to guarantee fidelity is to only do open relationships. The premise is that people only cheat in monogamous relationships.


Some advocates of open relationships may even claim that the monogamous relationship structure forces couples that would otherwise be happier in open relationships to lie and be unfaithful.

 
This is also based on the premise that having sex with someone that is not your primary partner is not considered cheating if your primary partner knows about it, and consents to it. I personally concur that consent of extra-marital sex negates the concept of cheating.


However, just being in open relationships does not automatically eliminate the cheating ways of a person that cheats for reasons other than dissatisfaction with monogamy.
consensual non-monogamy quotes
Understanding Open Relationships


As I explain in my book  FRANKTALKS VOLUME 3: MONOGAMY AND NON-MONOGAMY EDITION EBOOK, there are some people that would do better in some kind of non-monogamous relationship structure than in a monogamous one.


Those people simply feel more emotionally balanced in open relationships.





Trying to force themselves into monogamous relationship structures to either appease society, or even in an honest attempt to try and make their partners happy, just pushes their issues underground.

Eventually those issues surface and can possibly result in self-sabotaging actions (which includes infidelity) to attack their original relationship.



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FrankTalks Vol 3. The Monogamy and Non-Monogamy Edition

Others in that situation may justify their infidelity because in their opinions, it is the only way for them to support the illusion of monogamy that they feel is expected of them to maintain.


For these kinds of people, open relationships can in fact be an opportunity for them to have very honest relationships without ever feeling the pulse of committing an act of shameful infidelity.


Now for the surprise...for people who cheat because of the thrill they get from cheating, not even being in an open relationship will quench this behavior pattern.



Whereas people who thrive in open relationships do so as a means to maintain their emotional balance in an honest manner, people who cheat while in open relationships are acting out of some desire to experience the rush that some may find when they experience doing something forbidden.


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The Non-Monogamy Guide
Romance made easy
Frank Kermit Romance Formula: How To Be Romantic
 
Just like a drug, the emotional range, release, and pleasure highs that can accompany an illicit affair can be addictive and cause a person to behave like an addict.

At this point, cheating stops being a form of fun under the banner of self-entitlement, and turns into a means of escapism.

Once this line is crossed, it does not matter what the intent of having an open relationship structure originally was.





At this new junction point, the infidelity has nothing to do with that person's partner, a sense of entitlement, or the kind of open relationship rules the couple originally concocted. The infidelity will continue to exist as a means of furthering the new addictions own existence.


People that cheat regardless of already having the opportunity to have sex with others outside their primary pair bonding relationship generally do so as a means of escapism.

So whether you practice:
  • monogamy,
  • some form of non-monogamous relationship structure,
  • polyamory,
  • or even in a committed fetish alternative relationship,

people who cheat because they are addicted to the perceived thrill of cheating do so for their own reasons, and not because of the relationship structure they are in;

and changing relationship structures with this kind of addict will not help.




P.S.  Do you Agree With This Article?  Disagree?  Have something to Add?

Write your thoughts in the comments below and SHARE this article to see how many of your friends think like you.
​

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Interview: Starting Over With Dating

2/23/2017

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Starting Over With Dating
Interview: Starting Over With Dating

Dating Dilemmas 79, this is Frank Kermit's 120th appearance on Passion radio program. Airs on Montreal CJAD 800 's and Toronto Newstalk 1010 CFRB. Frank Kermit joins producer and host Dr Laurie Betito and Fritz-Gerald of Elite Speed Dating to talk about the Dating Dilemmas people face.

What does a person go through starting over when dating?
How does a person get over an ex, or move on from a break up?
Is it good to get right back out there and date after a break up?
What is some good speed dating advice?
How does a person get over unrequited love?
When your ex starts to date someone else before you do?
Montreal, Toronto and Nova Scotia





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You Cheated: Can You Rebuild Your Relationship?

2/1/2017

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This is a contributed post.

restart your marriage
restart your marriage https://pixabay.com/en/couple-hands-holding-hands-man-1845334/
You did the unthinkable. You betrayed your partner and embarked on an affair. In the beginning, it was exciting and made you feel alive again. But over time it just felt sordid, and eventually, your partner found out. They are devastated, and your relationship is shattered. You realize your mistake and just want to make things right again. Is it possible to rebuild a relationship after an affair?

The simple answer to this question is yes. It is possible, and some couples do survive betrayal. However, it is a long and difficult process, and not all relationships make it.

Rebuilding Trust

Rebuilding trust takes time and patience. Relationships rely on trust, and when this is broken, it’s as though the foundation has shifted. Each partner must address the issues that led to the betrayal and work through them. This can be difficult to navigate alone as it brings up many uncomfortable feelings. To ensure that communications don’t break down, couples therapy can help. It allows each partner to share their feelings and their place in the relationship in a safe environment.

This is an opportunity for both partners to look at their role in the relationship, how they relate to one another, and to understand how the other is feeling. Often this begins with some inner soul-searching and exploring whether they are able to commit to the relationship again and make the necessary changes.

For the partner who has embarked on the affair, they must understand that this will not be a quick process. They must prove their fidelity and trustworthiness to their partner over and over again.

Taking Responsibility

During the process of rebuilding, each partner must take responsibility for their own behavior. The betrayer must acknowledge their actions, understand the reasons that this came about, and admit their wrongdoing. They must be certain that this will not occur again and take steps with their partner to change the circumstances which led to the affair.

Reassure

After an affair, the wronged partner is likely to feel vulnerable and insecure. They may not admit to this and may show it through anger and rejection. Therefore, their partner must take steps to reassure them. This is something they will have to do for some time. In addition, any new promises that are made must be kept. So it is important to be absolutely clear about this. Don’t promise anything you’re unlikely to keep.

Cheating Doesn’t Have To Result In A Breakup

Cheating doesn’t always end a marriage or relationship. It is possible to work through things and emerge stronger than before. However, it takes hard work and a serious commitment from both parties. It also takes a certain amount of resilience to believe that as a couple you are strong enough to weather this. There will be difficult patches, and it certainly won’t be plain sailing. But, if you can hold on and work together, you may find that a new relationship is created; one that is built on a greater understanding of each other and results in a renewed sense of trust.

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