How valid is your friends breakup advice? Reading this informative post might help you decide.
When you’re struggling and seek help, it’s not uncommon that your friends will want to help you out. This is because they can empathize with you, or perhaps you have filled the same role in their life before. However, just because someone is your friend, it does not mean that they have the best advice to hand in order to help you the most profoundly. They have great intentions, but they may not be completely aware of the situation, or may have bad ideas themselves.
Dispelling certain myths within bad breakup advice might be needed. If you’re here after hearing something similar to this from one of your friends and you want to check just how valid it is, then you’re in the right place. Breakups are never easy. They’re difficult, they can be completely disorienting, but most of all, they can also be quite boring.
To help you with this, we hope our following advice can help you break up said myths and revert back to your best self. You deserve it:
‘Rampant Intimacy Will Help You Get Over Them’
There are many measures to get over someone. Your friend might suggest that the best method regarding how to get over a girl is to simply by ‘getting under’ someone else. Of course, if you are out of a relationship, you should be free to express your intimate desires in a manner that is enclosed by consent from both parties. However, if you feel as though this is the only way to tend to your emotional wounds, then you’d be wrong and misled. It’s important to note that while this may help, it may not, it depends entirely on how you proceed and where you are at in your stage of recovery.
Do not force yourself to do this if it’s not something you feel comfortable with, or if you’d really rather not. Rampant intimacy might work for some people, but it will hardly take your mind off what happened, and can often simply become an unhealthy coping strategy to try and shield yourself from further pain. It is not difficult to see just how that can be unhealthy and often make things worse.
‘You Need To Be Social 24/7’
When a friend wants you to come out with them every day after a break up, they are caring for you. They do not want to see you laying in bed until 4pm, eating ice cream, crying, and watching Netflix shows. But it’s also important that if you’re really not up to it, you do not feel completely obligated to socialize at all costs. Everyone processes the loss of a relative in different ways, and yes, you will be wounded after it happens. In fact, research has shown that mimicking effects similar to that created by physical pain is seen in the brain during heartache. If you had injured your leg, your friend would not be dragging you out to Five Guys. Instead, they’d let you heal.
While it’s important to be around other people, it’s also important to give yourself some time to process this alone. Do not think this makes you weak. However, do not cut anyone off. It’s this careful timeline that can allow you to grow back into yourself in the best manner possible, as you will not be forced in either direction.
‘You Need To Talk It All Through Now’
You may feel that talking through your problems with clear communication is the best way to start overcoming an issue. If you have that impression, you’re likely wiser than you think. Talking therapy with someone who understands or isn’t there to judge can be a fantastic means of letting out what’s harming you emotionally, and it can work wonders for your soul.
A friend might also know this, and they may wish for you to discuss it right now. They may think that spilling it all out in the moment can be healthy, because perhaps this method worked for them in the past. However, it’s important to note that you are not your friend, and so you might not even know how you feel right now aside from being dazed after the breakup. It’s okay not to have all the answers in the heat of the moment. In fact, giving yourself some time to process this before you decide to talk can be very healthy. A good friend will understand your need for this.
‘Lose Yourself In Self-Improvement’
When you break up with someone, you feel that you are not good enough. Why would this have happened otherwise, you may think. Additionally, the harmful nature of a couple splitting up can sometimes mean your ex-partner decides to insult you or press the buttons they know you are vulnerable to. This can lead you feeling a huge drop in self-confidence, feeling as though you cannot keep anyone or that you have something fundamentally wrong with you.
The first mistake is to accept this set of attitudes. The second mistake is to overcompensate for it. You may dive back to the gym to work out and process your pain through physical suffering, running harder than you ever have, trying to meditate for two hours each date, or lifting weights with enough frequency to bring the overtraining issue to full light. Losing yourself in self-improvement can be a very harmful thing when this happens, because it’s not being done for the right reasons.
By all means attend the gym with your friend. It can really help. But do not overcompensate. Do it for health and nothing else. Do it to stimulate your mind. Keep yourself active and healthy. These are positive steps. But beware that little voice that might wish to make this a crutch in an unhealthy manner, because in a healthy pursuit this will be the best crutch you have in the first place.
With this advice, you’re certain to dispel certain myths that might come to you. However, if you have a friend willing to help and remain at your side, you have plenty to be grateful for.
Dr. Laurie Betito Quotes