May 31, 2017 Dating Dilemmas 82,
This is Frank Kermit's 123rd appearance on Passion radio program. Airs on Montreal CJAD 800 's.
Frank Kermit joins producer and host Dr Laurie Betito and Fritz-Gerald of Elite Speed Dating to talk about the Dating Dilemmas people face.
Ever meet someone great, but still rejected them?
Was everything great, except for chemistry?
What was the weakest reason you ever left someone?
Is it really that hard to meet and date someone?
as well as more information about Speed Dating
Frank Guide to Speed Dating
By Frank Kermit
Every way to meet someone new is a good way.
Though friends, through the Internet, blind dates, approaching someone you want to meet, at a workshop, matchmaking services, business conventions...if you want to meet new people, there is no bad way to do it.
One of my personal favorite ways is Speed Dating.
Speed Dating is when they take a group of people, try to evenly have the same number of men and women, and while the women sit in the same seat all night, every 5-7 minutes a new man sits down and they have a quick date.
I love Speed Dating, and even met one of the best girlfriends of my life through a speed-dating event.
Here are some tips if you are eager to try it out for yourself.
One thing to be prepare for is that sometimes the entertainment can be very un-calibrated and make their entire shtick about how horrible relationships are, or joke about worst dating experiences.
If you are going to organize a Speed Dating event yourself, make sure to get someone that can be entertaining, inspiring and someone who loves dating and relationships and who will encourage all the participants to have fun. If you are attending a speed dating event, keep in mind that the entertainment simply may not be up to par, and do not let it affect your mood that night.
(One of the worst speed dating events I ever went too was my very first one. Hosting the evening was a single author of relationship books, and all she did was remind everyone about their own personal relationship horror stories by being negative about her past dating life the entire routine. All that did was put many of the participants in an uneasy spirit. That speed dating company no longer exists by the way.)
Go in with the mindset that everyone you meet is date-able, and that you will only mark someone as a -No thank you- if they do something that is a blatant sign you would not want to date them.
I have often seen the same people attend multiple Speed Dating events, and decide on the third or fourth meeting to say Yes to dating and end up enjoying their time together.
If they had been more open-minded they could have dated right after the first meeting at the first speed-dating event.
Plants are people that are not actually interested in meeting anyone new; the plants are just there to fill up a seat and even out the numbers.
They could be already involved in a serious relationship (usually with someone organizing the Speed Dating event) or a friend of a friend that was called in on a favor, to help out the organizers to fill seats.
Since these people having nothing invested in the evening (including not having paid to participate), they have less pressure and end up having more fun in the speed date conversations.
This has led many actual participants interested in dating the plants, and mistakenly holding out from saying, Yes to other participants who were actually emotionally available.
This is why you say Yes to as many people as possible, so that you do not get sidetracked by an attractive plant that never had any interest in being a potential partner for you.
but it does not tell you how this person is going to treat you in a relationships nor does it reveal if you would be able to get along long term.
I often suggest questions that explore a person's soul such as: What would you do if you won one million dollars? The answer to a question like this will reveal what a person's priorities, values, and interests are, and you will be able to better judge whether or not this is a person you can potentially find love with.
This is no time for head games.
Part of the reason it is important to reach out and connect with someone, is that some people immediate start to seriously date the first person they meet up with from a Speed Dating event regardless of how many matches they get, and when a second match contacts them, the second match gets turned away for no other reason than they were too slow to act.
Always be the first.
If you ever happen to attend a Speed Dating event that I am hosting, please do say hello.
P.S. Do you Agree With This Article? Disagree?
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Carpe Diem! Match with Your Valentine.
Fritz-Gerald Morisseau of Elite Speed Dating and Frank Kermit, from franktalks.com, are regular contributors on Passion - Dating Dilemmas with Dr. Laurie Betito on CJAD 800. Frank a Dating Coach and author of the book The Frank Guide To Speed Dating, recently wrote a piece about Speed Dating on Valentine's day. We agree with his views and wanted to share his comments with you.
Carpe Diem! Match with Your Valentine.
This week is when everyone who is single is reminded of how great it could be to find that special
person to connect with.
The hope of finding Love gets a boost on Valentine’s Day. If you want to find real love, you have to be OPEN TO WAYS OF MEETING NEW PEOPLE. A Valentine’s Day Speed Dating Event is exactly such an outing!
Speed Dating is one of the most efficient ways of meeting a group of new people in a short amount of time. The more people you meet, the more chances you have at falling in love with a soul mate. I know that sounds ridiculous and corny but the fact is that Valentine’s Day is finding that special someone, no matter how corny and cheesy the story comes out to be.
You are not going to connect to your soul mate staying at home! It will happen by getting out of the house and meeting as many people as possible.
3 Reasons to try Speed Dating This Week:
1) You get to meet a lot of different people within the span of a couple of hours. You are going to have a full variety of like-minded singles.
2) It is a way to test your date-ability. Let’s say you haven’t dated in awhile: maybe you were in a long-term relationship that has recently ended or maybe you aren’t really sure why you have been alone for as long as you have, and you want to see if you know how to attract a person. Speed dating is great because you are given the opportunity to attract as many people as there are at the event.
3) One of the best parts about speed dating is that, you can start dating new people right away. Staying at home to avoid people, will only keep you alone. The whole point about speed dating is to get you out there, to meet as many people as possible in the short amount of time. Guess what, the people at the event are single too. So, Do Go OUT meet new people that are also single on Valentine’s Day.
3 Tips if you are new to Speed Dating on Valentine’s Day:
1- Do give someone a chance that asks you out
If someone takes a chance on Valentine’s day to match with you, give that person a chance and say yes to one date. Even If there is something about that person, but he or she is not exactly your type or does not fill exactly your list, they were interested in you on Valentine’s day.
2- Do Not Act Bitter
Everyone at the event is single on Valentine’s Day. Do not make things worse for yourself by acting bitter about it. It is NOT going to solve the problem or make you attractive.
In fact, when you find your Elite Match you will be excited about celebrating Valentine’s day with them.
3- Be Open To Amazing Things Happening
Amazing things CAN happen JUST because it is Valentine’s Day, BUT YOU HAVE TO TAKE ACTION.
Lastly, Do NOT ignore Valentine’s Day. Just because you are single on Valentine’s Day does not mean you have to ignore it.
If you take the right actions, it can become one of the most important days of your life. The day you met the person you were destined for. Seize the day! Make the most of it by finding your match with Speed Dating!
Frank Kermit, MA, is the author of The Frank Guide to Speed Dating Ebook
by Frank Kermit
It is important to take notes when speed dating (or any dating for that matter).
I am not referring to the speed dating form
where you indicate YES or NO for requesting a match
I am talking about taking your own notes
about the people you speed date on a sheet of paper that you take home with you
One of the more embarrassing situations that may happen is that you end up on a date with someone you met speed dating but come across as not remembering what you talked about during your first speed-dating meeting.
Fact is, that night you are going to meet a number of people and it will be easy to forget who said what.
Sometimes people even refuse to go on the date after being matched out of fear they will look foolish for not remembering the first conversations.
So, take notes about each person you speed date, including things they said that were of a mutual interest. Include those tidbits of information when you first contact your matches to set up first dates.
This will make your matches feel more involved and more eager to meet with you.
Next time you speed date, make sure you bring an extra sheet of paper for your own personal notes.
It will make your communication with your matches so much more attractive.
This article is an excerpt of the book The Frank Guide To Speed Dating
#dating #speeddating #charisma
Speed Dating: Review of a Host
By Frank Kermit
Speed dating is a great way to meet a larger group of new people in the shortest amount of time, however many people get so nervous about having to actually talk to new folks, that a number of attendees tend to cancel attending at the last minute. Over 30 people had RSVP for a Montreal Speed Dating event held in NDG last week, but only 16 actually attended (10 women and 6 men). It was an all adults ages event open to all denominations and backgrounds, which is a little more rare as most speed dating events try to group participants through common themes (race, religion, age bracket, financial cluster).
However, the biggest obstacle to people making connections and finding matches had nothing to do with who else showed up. Most people struggle at speed dating because of their refusal to be more open minded about whom they would have a first coffee date with.
The way Speed Dating works is that each man-and-woman-pairing gets about 10 minutes to have a quick conversational date. At the end of that time slot, each person marks a sheet indicating, "Yes" or "No". They mark "Yes" if they felt there was enough of a match to be assigned to go on one date in the future. They mark "No" is they do not want to date in the future. If each person both writes "Yes", it is a match and the couple gets each other's contact information to go on a date. If both say "No", there is no match up for a date. If one person says, "Yes" and one person says "No", it is considered a Missed Match. Depending on the organizers, some speed daters are notified of the missed matches to get a second chance to change their mind about actually going out on a date with that person after all.
The individuals who struggle most are the ones that are way too picky. Results are usually consistent in that those that are the pickiest, end up with high numbers of missed matches. It is unlikely that when the picky person realizes they may have made a mistake, that the originally rejected person will give them a fair chance to date in the future, but it can happen.
Speed dating results do not lie. They give you a clear indication of what kind of value you project as a potential partner in a short conversation. Although personally, I met one of the best girlfriends I ever had in my life through speed dating, I also find the speed dating is a great tool to help you assess how you come across as well as a great indicator of your personal date-ability. It can let you know just how desirable you really are, versus how desirable you like to think you are.
Speed dating is also a great way to challenge your self and get back into the dating world after a long absence. "I am just here to practice conversation but not going to pick any matches" said one man that ended up choosing 3 women, and ended up with 1 match and 5 missed matches. "I am very picky about who I would date because I have a lot to offer" says the man that chose only 1 woman, but ended up with no matches and no missed matches either. "I don't need any date coaching," says the woman that chose 6 men, but only got one match and a missed match. At least some of them tried, which is still a little bit better than the ones who came right up to the door and chickened out at the last minute, or purposefully skipped over some of the dates because, "people that pretty would never date someone like me". What is worse is when two people do in fact get matched up, and then one of them refuses to go on the date for fear of being rejected by the very person that admitted wanting to date him or her. Argh!
The real winner of the night was the lovely lady who came in with an open mind and open heart. She said yes to over half of the men and ended up with 3 solid matches. This means that over the next two weeks she is going to have 3 first dates, and has her choice of who she gets to pursue a more committed relationship with, if she wants it. Now that is a successful dating attitude, whether or not any of these first dates makes it to a second date.
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