What Love Masks
By Frank Kermit
A mentor of mine taught me that love is not blind; it is just that categories are rigid. When you meet someone, you put that person in a category (lover, friend, temptation, fling, does-not-count, creepy, unattainable, out-of-my-league, good-enough-for-now, spouse, soul-mate) because of how that person addresses (or violates) your emotional needs based on your first impressions; and if it turns out that the person actually belongs in a different category, it is more challenging to drop that first impression category.
For example, you meet someone, then get wrapped up in the honeymoon phase of the dating experience, you may categorizes that person as the perfect soul-mate, only to find out the harsh reality three months later that the person and you simply have incompatible core values. You and that person should never had more than just an intense private fling. But, -love is blind- so it is likely very challenging to give up on that person who is actually best left as at temporary adventure (fling), despite intellectually knowing better, because of the category they have already been put in (soul-mate).
When on a first date with someone, it is generally expected that we are going to be our best self, and not just be yourself. Your best self is a Mask. You are not going to act like your every day self. First dates are a time to put out your best character traits forward. As deceitful as it sounds, it is actually very ethical. You go on that initial outing together to get a feel of what kind of person you are meeting, and for that person to get a feel for you. If you do not put your best self forward on a first date, you are likely killing your chances of getting the beginnings of your relationship off the ground to reach the second date. Using the Mask of your Best Self is no more deceitful than being at your best when going to a job interview.
Wearing a Mask in relationships is only unethical, when you LIE to the other person and attempt to pass a false representation of yourself in order to get sex, a relationship, or basically just to get someone to even like you as a friend. Situation comedy productions (TV, movies, and theatre) love to play out this plotline of someone trying to use a Mask of deceit in order to get someone to date them, and usually all have an ending where the truth is learned and the Masked-User is punished, left abandoned and with nothing. The same principle applies when meeting someone new in real life. If you used a lie to get with a person, and assuming the interaction goes on beyond the point of a traveling one night stand, that same lie has the power to tear down everything you have since built up with your partner.
We all wear masks. It is not a question of should we, or should we not, wear a Mask when dating. The issue is always the context. How we act at a funeral, is very different from the way we act at a wedding. Each face we exhibit is a Mask.
That is not being lying or deceitful...it is about CALIBRATION to the circumstances and environment around you. Whenever you lie, you are hiding behind a Mask, and likely that same Mask will be your undoing. The best way to use your Mask is for the Mask to be a reflection of those parts of your personality that you want to display.
On a lighter note, I fondly remember a scene from a Peanut Cartoon entitled, "It's the Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown". A number of the characters were together getting dressed to go out trick-or-treating for Halloween.
The aggressive character Lucy Van Pelt known as the mean, crabby old sister exclaimed, "A person should always choose a costume which is in direct contrast to her own personality" just as she put on a witches costume. The joke of course is that she did not see herself as a witch, when in all other respects; she was depicted as a mean witch in the show.
However funny or inappropriate the joke may be in today's climate, it does shed light on the idea that most peoples first assumptions with Masks, is that Masks are trying to hide a persons true intentions and that the Mask being presented is not an indication of the person behind it.
The further irony of the above example is that in the majority of cases, real witches (not the kind that appear in popular media, but the kind of women and men who take part in a variety of healing arts and religious practices) happen to actually be some of the most pleasant people sometimes.
Even mean Lucy reveals at the end of the show, how much she actually does care for her younger brother who defied her the entire episode. She wakes up at 4 a.m., concerned that he is not in his bedroom, and fetches him from the cold pumpkin patch where he is shivering and half asleep. She does not scold him. She just brings him home and tucks him into a warm bed.
Sometimes, we wear Masks, not to deceive people, but to feel safe and protected, to hide away our insecurities, our fears, and to prevent us from feeling too vulnerable.
It is OK to want to feel safe. It is normal and human of us. For the purposes of finding love and connecting with others, the key is not about doing away with Masks.
The key is about being just guarded enough that we protect ourselves, while at the same time test the people around us, so that we can share ourselves slowly as the other people earn enough of our trust for us to feel safe in being with them Mask free.
I wish you all bountiful loot bags, and may you never have to say that all you got was a rock.
Seductive Halloween Costumes
By Frank Kermit
I have always loved Halloween. It is likely one of my most favorite days of the year, except for the fact that I do not like being scared, scaring others, nor the celebration of gore and villains that some Halloween celebrations have turned it into. The part that I love about Halloween is the dress up part. I have always seen it as an opportunity to try on a new persona.
Whether it was to bring out and possibly exaggerate a hidden part of you that has always existed, or the freedom to try out a persona completely outside your own self, I have always adored Halloween as a means of self-exploration. It is one of the few times people feel safe to do so in public because under the Halloween banner, it is more socially acceptable.
Halloween costumes can be anything you want. However, when it comes to dating and relationship coaching, even Halloween costumes can have more intent and meaning attached.
For example, if you are going to a Halloween costume party, your choice of costume can very well influence your ability to attract a single person to you, or make a statement about you already being in a relationship.
If you are in a newly formed relationship and are ready to make a more public statement about it to your existing social circles, the right pair of costumes may suit you well.
For example, if you are in a relationship, you and your partner may want to wear complimentary costumes, so that the message of “we-come-together” is better stated. Couples themed costumes help send the message that you are there to have fun with your partner, but there is no mistaking that the two of you came together, and will leave together.
For example, Couples who wear Peanut Butter and Jelly costumes respectively, Partners in Crime Jail Bird Costumes, even a bride and groom costume (get imaginative with the marriage theme). All of them serve to point out that you are one of a pair that come-and-go together. These categories also include going in costume as well known twosomes such as Fred and Wilma Flintstone, Star Trek’s Riker and Troi, and even Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dumb.
If you are single, the best advice I can offer about your choice of costume is to pick something that will meet two criteria.
The first is to pick a costume that has a story to it. Nothing more seductive than the ability to tell a story about a peak life experience of yours, or being able to share a part of yourself that is brought up in conversation through your costume. If you were hoping you would get the chance to talk about your last skydiving jump, or scaling a dangerous cliff, then costumes of skydivers and rock climbers are just the ticket. If you were hoping to let a potential partner know how much you believe in magical love connections, maybe a costume of a wizard may be in order to help you cast your spell of attraction.
These also include costumes of romantic figures such as Zorro, various superheroes, and professions of doctors, nurses, police officers, fire fighters and other fantasy fueling costumes. If there is any sort of stereotypical fantasy role-playing involved, these costumes may bring you some attention that you can capitalize on to meet other singles seeking the same.
The second is to pick a costume that allows for more intimate interactions, just in case you do happen to meet someone you really like and want to get closer to that night. To put it more bluntly, if you are single and seeking to select the right costume, pick something that you could easily initiate and take part in a make-out session. If you have to remove your mask just to be able to kiss, it is not a seductive costume.
Couples, Costumes and Halloween
By Frank Kermit
Halloween is a great time for couples to have fun.
If you are in a newly formed couple and want everyone to know about it, or a well-established couple that wants to do something together for Halloween, here are some costume ideas for couples.
First, couples that dress up as well known, successful couples have a variety of costumes to choose from.
Fred and Wilma, Homer and Marge, Shrek and Fiona, Gomez and Morticia, Popeye and Olive, and Mickey and Minnie just to name a few.
These costumes are for the couples that really want to send out a message that they are at a Halloween party together as a couple.
With this theme in mind, I recommend that such couples stay away from costumes of couples that did not last. Thus, no Sonny and Cher, Kermit and Piggy, or Lucy and Ricky. (Most recently we found out that Han Solo and Leia did not stay together either).
Next are couples costumes that mostly represent two characters from the same story or theme, but not necessarily characters that were ever romantically involved.
These include the couples costumes of Gru and a Minion, Red Riding Hood and the Big Bad Wolf, Pacman and Ghost, two random superheroes, and Toy Story’s Woody and Jessie (Jessie was actually romantically linked with the character Buzz Lightyear, not Sheriff Woody).
Also included in this group are Cat in the Hat’s Thing 1 and Thing 2, a Matador and Bull couples costume, and Dorothy and Scarecrow costume pair from Wizard of Oz (honorable mention for Cookie Monster and a Cookie).
The challenge here is that although they are part of the same theme, it does not use the symbolism of actual characters that are romantically involved couples.
They are all great costumes, but not necessary the best possible costumes for couples looking to make a statement.
Personally I believe the best costumes are Costume Set-Pairs:
This means that unto itself, the individual costume looks like it is incomplete alone and requires something else to go with it, so the natural inclination is to assume there is a partner costume to go with it.
These types of costume pairings tend to be gender neutral.
These include Puzzle Pieces costume (especially if the two costume pieces fit together), Pair of Dice, Peanut Butter and Jelly, Day and Night, and even specially designed Salt and Pepper Shakers.
In cases like these, when you see one half of the couple such as Eggs, there is no mistaken, that somewhere in the party is that person’s favorite Bacon.
Final word of caution: although wonderful at certain kinds of parties, highly sexualized costumes may not be the best idea.
Pimp and Hoe, Hefner and Bunny, body parts, contraceptives, and fetish fantasy costumes are all great costumes, however it may invite other party goers to approach you both for more than just a costume compliment.
If either of you are the jealous type, you could be setting yourself up for some uncomfortable situations.
In short, do not subject yourself to other people’s tricks just because you wish to treat yourself to a titillating couples costume.
Have a safe, fun and loving Halloween!
Credibility Creates Commitment
By Frank Kermit
When someone comes to me for coaching to figure out why they are still single despite being able to attract a number of partners to date, I start coaching them with an assessment of what happens on those dates to look for actions and behaviors that may be turning off potential life partners. Most people are often unaware of the things they may be doing or saying that causes the other person to halt any potential commitment.
One of the behaviors that I often spot is how a person lacks credibility in the way they communicate, which I believe to be a source of why they may be able to attract a lot of dates, but none of them turn into a serious commitment. Although there are people who are commitment-phobic (who self sabotage a potential serious relationship because of a deep rooted fear that a committed relationship is related to more pain than it would bring pleasure), this is not always the case when dealing with people that WANT a serious commitment and associate being single with being in pain.
An easy way to summarize a lack of credibility is whether or not someone is caught breaking his or her own rules. It does not matter what your rules are per se; what matters is if you break your own rules. For example:
If you mention that family values are important to you, but you are caught trying to get out of a parent-teacher meeting, you lack credibility. In the mind of your date, if family values were as important to you as you claimed you would be willing to attend the parent-teacher meetings regardless if it means having to attend with your ex, because it is about your kids (your family). You lack credibility.
If you mention that you do not like seafood on a date, because you sense that your date does not like seafood and you want your date to like you, but you are caught ordering seafood at a later time because you forgot what you said that first meeting, you lack credibility. In the mind of your date, if you are willing to lie about something small because you wanted to be liked, then you likely will lie about something big down the road to avoid the possible conflicts it would bring. You lack credibility.
If you mention on a date that you do not have sex unless in a committed relationship, and then proceed to have sex with the person you are seeing before any serious commitment has been established because it felt right, you lack credibility. In the mind of your date, if you are willing to go break your rules just because you felt like it in the moment, how is your date suppose to trust any promise you make, if there is a chance you will break your promises because of the way you may feel in the moment. You lack credibility.
It is not the facts that you would rather avoid dealing with an ex, ordered the halibut, or had sex sooner than later because it felt right. What you are being judged on is that you said one thing (your rules) and did another thing (your actions). This lack of congruence is what are scaring people away from getting serious with you.
Think of it this way. A serious relationship can be a risky endeavor. A person may risk their children (having an unfit step parent can affect custody not to mention the safety of the children), their resources (what people lose in a divorce), their financial credit (sharing of debt repayment), even their very way of life (image the ways of losing your profession because you made a bad partner choice).
So if someone is looking to find a person to make a commitment too, that commit must be earned. Lacking credibility because of the way you break your own rules destroys the desire to commit. Credibility-Creates-Commitment.
This is a contributed post.
While traditions are beautiful, it’s important to remember that your wedding day is ultimately about you and your partner. You can follow traditions, but you don't have to be completely bound by them. And so if you want to do things a little differently or break the mold- go for it! It’s the perfect time to get creative, and really have fun with all of the little details. Here are just a few of the ways you can bring in a fantastic, personal element into your wedding.
A Wedding Website
Wedding websites are becoming more and more common, and are a great addition to your wedding. You can link your wedding gift list from here, information about how to find the venue and even photos and stories about you and your partner. It’s interactive since guests will be able to post comments, and is a fun way to get people involved and build up to the big day.
Your wedding stationery is one of the first things your guests will see about your big day, so you’ll want to make a good impression. It might also give them clues to your wedding such as the style and colors you are going to use. You could have a designer create something for you, or even have a go yourself if you have good design skills. Alternatively, you could invest in personalised wedding stationery from Paper Themes or similar companies offering this service.
Wedding favours are a fun way to show your guests your appreciation for coming and are an excellent way to get creative. If you have a smaller wedding, you could personalise them to each guest. But if that’s not possible you could put together different favours for men, women and children. It could be anything from confectionery to a miniature candle to bath products to a miniature bottle of champagne. You could even get crafty and make something yourself. Although it might be best to do this well ahead of time since you’re likely to be busy close to the day itself. Decide on the kinds of things your guests are most likely to enjoy and put together a favour based on that.
There’s nothing wrong with a beautiful store bought the wedding ring. But if you’re looking to take it a step further, why not have bespoke rings made? This gives you full control about the metal, any stone placements, the width and just the overall look of the rings. Plus if you wanted to go with something a bit more unusual that you’re not likely to find pre-made then this is a good way to go. You know that no-one else is going to have the exact same piece and it’s totally personalised to you and your partner.
Wedding Cake and/ or Cake Topper
Even if you want to stick with quite a traditionally themed wedding, the cake is one area that you can really have fun with. There are tons of absolutely incredible wedding cake designers out there. They are able to put you together something that’s completely unique. If an alternative wedding cake is a little out of your comfort zone, why not personalise it with a fun topper instead? You can have these designed to look like you and your partner on places like Etsy. They don’t even have to be human looking versions of you. It could be anything from animals to aliens depending on what reflects your interests the most!
Our dogs really are part of the family, and so if you want them to be a part of your big day then why not? Check with the venue to see if there are any restrictions, at the very least you should be able to have some photos taken with them outdoors with your guests. Providing your dog is social and comfortable being in groups of people, if not you could just arrange some photos with you the dog and the groom. Since you and your wedding party are likely to be busy on the day itself, your best bet would be to hire a pet sitter. They can bring them in when needed and then drop them back at home afterwards without you having to mess around or worry.
Since most wedding dresses are full length, it means the bride is able to have fun with shoe choices. On the outside, it can look like you’re dressed very traditionally. But underneath you could be wearing anything from big gothic boots or bright pink converse! It’s a nice way to bring in your personality in a more subtle way. They can be shown in certain photos, but the rest can stay looking traditional and bridal if that’s what you prefer.
Flowers can be an expensive element of a wedding, but if you plan it well, you can save costs and make it more personal. Growing your own, and asking friends and family to grow some blooms to or contribute some from their gardens is a fantastic option. You could also pick wildflowers (although make sure you check it’s legal from where you’re picking them from- certain areas will be restricted) which is an inexpensive way to add some rustic charm to your wedding. Alternatively, you could decorate your wedding with balloons to keep flower costs down. This way you’re able to bring in your wedding colors and brighten up the reception room without having to fill every area with flowers. You can buy ‘balloon arches’ and other types of arrangements for weddings. Then all you need is a helium machine and plenty of balloons in your wedding colors.
There are so many creative wedding guest book ideas online that you could incorporate into your wedding. A particularly good one is to leave out a Polaroid camera and have guests snap pictures of themselves and write a message on the back. Then you can display the images however you want. For example, you could clip them onto pieces of string inside a photo frame, and turn them into a piece of wall art to remember your wedding day.
Use the Power of Hypnosis to Exude Confidence on Your Next Date
by Ariel Sherker
When it comes to dating, I will have to admit that I am not an expert on the topic.
I am however an expert on the topic of confidence, a tool that can get you far in the world of dating and anywhere else you choose to use it. Confidence is a skill that can be learnt and hypnosis can speed up the process and fast track you on the path of successful dating.
Hypnosis is based upon the power of a suggestion and the strongest suggestions are those that we give to ourselves. When it comes to hypnosis for confidence, the subject in a trance state goes through a journey of planting the seed of confidence deep within their subconscious mind. Like all seeds, this one too needs to be nurtured to grow.
Positive action combined with self awareness becomes the vital nourishment that will generate a deeper feeling of confidence. In fact what it comes down to is that confidence builds more confidence and our job is to recognize our own abilities and then watch them grow.
Next time you are on a date, consider the following actions that will boost your level of confidence:
Hopefully there is a mutual interest in knowing more about this person and another date will follow. If not, no worries because you have gathered experience and have nourished your seed of confidence either way. As in all learning, the more we practice the better we get.
Ariel Sherker is a highly trained and a certified hypnotist with the National Guild of Hypnotists, a certified instructor of hypnosis as well as a motivational speaker. She has explored the globe mastering the art of Holistic Health, Nutrition and Mind/Body Medicine. She uses hypnosis to guide clients onto a path of success and help them to develop their mind with the aspiration to simplify their journey of great achievements.
This is a contributed post.
Planning to propose is one of the most nerve-wracking times of a man's life. This is a decision that is going to influence the rest of your life - not being nervous about it is a bad sign. This is something that you should be taking very seriously indeed.
It's made all the harder when the expectations on the proposal itself - not just what it signifies - are becoming greater. No long is it enough to want to spend your life with someone; you're now expected to have a great story to tell when people ask how it happened.
Given the magnitude of what's ahead, perhaps it's time to look at the other perspective. Women who have been proposed to have the best take of all of what the experience should be like, and here's their thoughts. So as not to embarrass anyone, they have chosen to share their stories on condition of anonymity. Names have been changed for the same reason.
"I wish it had been more straightforward."
Anna was proposed to by her boyfriend, Tom, after two years of dating. "He did a big thing," she recalls. "Gathered around our family and friends, had a whole speech planned out and even had a song. It was sweet, but I think I'd have preferred the moment to be about just us. It depends on the woman, but sometimes, less is more."
They married six months ago and are now expecting their first child.
"I was disappointed by the ring."
Adrienne and Josh had been together for five years, but the proposal was still unexpected. "I was worried by it, to be honest," she admits. "The ring was not something I would choose at all. It made me wonder how well he knew me. I love Tacori wedding rings and anything with a modern twist, but this was very standard engagement ring. I don't care about price, but it would have been nice to think he'd put some effort in."
Nevertheless, they married. Adrienne has yet to tell Josh she dislikes her engagement ring. "It's still the one he chose so it'll always be special," she reflects, "but I made sure I had an input when we selected the wedding bands!"
"He got it spot on!"
When Aiden proposed to Louisa, it was not a surprise. "We'd talked about it beforehand," she says, dismissing the idea this is not romantic. "I think that was important. He still did a whole down-on-one-knee thing, but I believe it was better because it was expected. And it was less nerve-wracking for him too, as he already knew the answer! Maybe it's not romantic, but it definitely made more sense for us as a couple."
They are planning to have a destination wedding, though a recent house move has put this back a year. "You can't plan everything, so it turns out," Louisa laughs.
So What To Take From This?
1. Know your bride and the things she likes.
2. Consider venturing the idea before taking the plunge; the surprise element is not always on your side.
3. Don't think you have to go all out on a proposal. Sometimes, less is more.
Should a Male Virgin Pay For Sex?
by Frank Kermit
For the record, I must issue a disclaimer that I am not against prostitution.
I think that as long as it is between consenting adults, it is no one's business.
I think sex work needs to be decriminalized and legal.
With that said...
Every now and then, when people find out that I coach Adult Male Virgins (AMVs)
they ask why don't AMVs simply pay for sex and get it over with.
Yup, that is right. As I describe in my THE ADULT MALE VIRGINS HANDBOOK EBOOK
The same people that would scorn a man for being an AMV,
scolding him for paying a hooker or escort for sex,
also scorn him for not having done so yet.
Dammed if you do, dammed if you don't.
A woman that views sex with a man as a mere transaction, has no motivation to see him become independent of her nor is she likely happy for him if he finds a girlfriend or wife that he would be monogamous with. His independence would directly affect her bottom line.
Every AMV that I have ever coached that paid for sex, (still emotionally a virgin if not a physical one) still felt the emptiness of never feeling loved by a woman.
And that does not get solved by paying for sex.
Sure, it solves some of the physical cravings, at least temporarily until they come up again.
But it does not address the emotional needs and desires of
wanting to be wanted by someone that does not need to be paid.
Paying for sex is for guys that can already get sex without paying for it.
So, if you were thinking that paying for sex will solve the problem...
I can tell you from the experience of my client base...and those that attended my Adult Male Virgin Seminars who shared their stories, it does not.
It is time to Take The Luck Out Of Love and sign up for Coaching.
P.S. Do you Agree With This Article? Disagree? Have something to Add?
Write your thoughts in the comments below and SHARE this article to see how many of your friends think like you.
Revealing the Secret of Your Sexual Orientation
By Frank Kermit
I recently watched a YouTube video that one of my colleagues sent me, as an example of what may happen to a young adult (even a teenager) who publicly declares to his or her family, their homosexual sexual orientation.
As I told my colleague, it saddens me that such intolerance still exists, and that violence can occur within a family structure. However, this is nothing new.
Probably, what is likely the worst element of that video is that it seems to imply (at least to me) that the young man in this video was led to believe he could trust his stepmother with his secret and she fed him a false sense of support, only for her to refuse to support him when he came out to the rest of his family.
The young man in the video was living with his grandparents, and when they disowned him and told him to move out, the young man asked to live with his step-mom and dad, and they also refused him. By the end of the video the young man is physically attacked by his step-mom and verbally insulted by his own father. It is very sad indeed.
In my practice, I sometimes deal with adults who are still learning about their sexual orientation. Some are questioning if they are straight or gay. Some are not interested in choosing sides as they are attracted to both genders and come to see me about figuring out what kind of relationship they can structure with a long term partner and what is realistically possible.
Still others find they are attracted to all genders, transgender individuals, and even some fetish sexual practices (they may occasionally refer to themselves as pansexual).
When the question comes up, as to how out these individuals should be about their evolving sexuality the answer I give tends to be along the lines of balancing what you think you may get from it, and what it is going to cost you.
In a perfect world, everyone would be able to be completely open about their views, about their ideas, and about their sexual orientations without any fear of consequences or repercussions. However, it is not a perfect world, and depending on where you live, and whom you may take a chance in trusting, it could also be a very dangerous world.
So if you are in a position where you want to share a secret of yours to the world, and you cannot predict how others may react to you, here are some tips to keep in mind.
First, you are under no obligation to ever reveal a truth about yourself if you will be on the receiving end of violence or abandonment that could lead to your life being threatened. If you are living with people that may kick you out into homelessness, and you have no means of living independently, then do not reveal your secret.
If you have nowhere to go, or if you are going to be attacked and left on the street to fend for yourself, then wait until the time comes when you are independent enough that even if you lose people in your life, your basic survival will not be threatened.
Second, although fully accepting yourself is part of a healing process, and loving yourself despite others intolerance and disapproval is a must for your own balanced emotional well being, that does not mean you have to put yourself in any position where you will be harassed or victimized all in the name of self-love.
Part of self-love is about never putting yourself in harms way. There are times when publicly announcing self-acceptance cannot be held off until you are free from oppression, but it is always important to pick and choose those battles. Use good judgment about when that time is.
If you have any doubt about how the people around you would react to your outing yourself, hold off for now. There will come a time in the future when it will be safe for you to express yourself. Until then, stay safe, and work towards the day that you will never have to be dependent for your survival on people who would just as easily abandon you, for you being true to yourself.
History of The Emotional Needs of Men Program Ally vs. Enemy:
Mastering the Emotional Needs of Men
by Frank Kermit
In September 2006 I lived out of my life long dreams. I moved from Montreal to the city of Toronto. I arrived Sept 9th. I rented a room in a house and was on a very tight budget. Going out about town was simply not a possibility. Most meals consisted of whatever I brought with me (lots of ramen noodles and jell-o)
On September 10th, 2006, I started to delve through my journals for various insights and experienced I have logged from 1998 to 2006 (over 1000 pages of journals).
It took me 40 days (from Sept 10th to October 20) to write my book
Everything Out of Her Mouth is a Test.
It was 12-14 hour days with few breaks.
The week of October 20th, 2006 I self published it immediately.
My book on understanding the emotional needs of women was complete.
But there was one question that kept coming up
from the people who read my works and those I coached.
What about the emotional needs of men?
I had mentioned in Everything out of her mouth is a Test,
that I would one day produce a book on that topic sometime in the future.
So I started to put together some of my ideas on the emotional needs of men, using the emotional needs of women as an example base, as well as various insights I had logged in my pages and pages of journals and I let the ideas stew in my mind, while furthering more personal research including discussing it with people I trusted.
In 2008 I did my biggest live seminar in Toronto on the topic of
Frank Inner Game based on the book, I'm a Man, That's My Job.
It was in I'm a Man book that I first published my initial thoughts
on the emotional needs of men.
There, at my seminar, I devoted an entire hour on the topic of the
Emotional Needs of Men, and released it as
an introductory audio program
The Emotional Needs of Men 101: An Introduction (a program for men).
Demand for more information on the emotional needs of men continued to grow, and to respond to the demand, in 2008 I self published an Emotional Needs Analysis workbook on the emotional needs of men. Normally I would have published the theory book first, and then the workbook, but the demand was getting stronger, and with the other challenges I was facing at the time in my personal life, the workbook was all I had time for.
In late 2009, I found myself in a quandary. I had achieved some personal goals such as getting married and becoming a father, which was good. But I also had made some bad business decisions along with battling health challenges that I ended up doing something I never thought I would do…I moved my new family back to Montreal with me for an opportunity to get my life more stable again.
In January 2010, just before I left Toronto, I sent my wife and son ahead of me to Montreal, and in our tiny empty apartment, I recorded 11 seminars with live audiences over 21 days (some seminars were at little as 6 hours, while others lasted 2 full days). One of those lectures was a 2 full day seminar on the emotional needs of men. In February 2010, I arrived in Montreal and began to edit and release whatever programs I could, but due to making my family and our collective well being a priority, the men’s emotional needs seminar recordings were left untouched until years later.
In the Summer 2014, Master Class on The Emotional Needs of Men, to an audience that was mostly women who wanted to better understand how to attract a man's commitment. This was released as
The Emotional Needs of Men - An Analysis for Women audio download.
In 2016, after recovering from various challenges and refocusing on releasing the remaining seminar programs that had been sitting on my computer for years, I finally released (after quite a bit of editing) Ally vs. Enemy: Mastering The Emotional Needs of Men audio program of 7 hour long mp3s.
Later in 2016, I was approached by a fan of my work, who wanted to invest the money necessary to transcribe the edited 7 hour audio lecture, so that I could self publish and release the Ally vs Enemy: Mastering The Emotional Needs of Men ebook and paperback. THANK YOU DUDE!
The week of October 10th 2016, exactly 10 years to the month of releasing my first book on the emotional needs of women, I had the pleasure and pride of releasing Ally vs Enemy program
I hope you enjoy your journey of learning about the Frank Kermit Emotional Needs Analysis Theories, as much as I enjoyed creating them.
Dating Dilemmas Episode
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Dr. Laurie Betito Quotes