|
How to talk to your teenager about sex, love and romance? Read more in this contributed post. Parents everywhere know exactly what it means to dread their kids growing into teenagers. Firstly, they remember what it was like for them to be teenagers. They remember the angst, the insecurity and the desperate need to fit in with the crowd. They know that their teenagers have all this to come and today, it’s so different compared to a few years ago. The world has changed so much when it comes to sex and relationships and this is not a bad thing. More complicated, perhaps, but not a bad thing. Same sex relationships two decades ago were not as openly spoken about compared to today. Romance and sex wasn’t splashed across social media for all to see. The ‘selfie’ in the smartphone era had not yet been invented for people to critique and roast online. Life and love and relationships are entirely different now. Asking a girl or boy to go out to the school disco is easy to discuss for some parents, whilst trying to advise on a chat with gay guys may be a little harder to do. It’s not ignorance; it’s just not the same as it was before. However, we now live in a time where parents are swotting up on how things work for teenagers today and not basing how they talk about sex, love and romance on wooing each other back in the Eighties. Times have changed, but talking about healthy relationships and self-respect hasn’t.  Teach Your Teenager What A Healthy Relationship Is Like. Teenagers now are still full of angst and uncertainty and it’s important that they know that you are going to be open, non-judgemental and there for them when they need you. Broaching the subject? That’s not the easy part, because teenagers don’t want to talk about themselves directly. However, as a parent you can figure out their favourite series or film and discuss the dynamics of those relationships instead and talk about the red flags to watch for in terms of gaslighting and abuse, which are very much talked about today. Teenagers need to hear that they are worthy of themselves as they are, that they don’t need to be pressured into sex when they know that they can pace themselves until they are ready. They also need to hear that their feelings are valid and valued, and that those friends who don’t listen to those feelings aren’t friends to be worrying about. Sex and love are both a normal part of life, and the more you broach this subject with your teenagers, the easier it will be to get it through to them that they are in charge of their own bodies and feelings. It’s okay to love whoever they want to love, have sex when they feel ready and not pushed - and SAFELY - and you will be there for them no matter what. Teenagers will make their mistakes: we all have, and as long as they know that you are going to be a shoulder to cry on, a non-judgemental ear to talk to and a safe haven, you can be confident that they will do their best to make good choices.
0 Comments
 Graduation Speech 10 Tips For Young Adults Starting Out In Life The following is some Frank Advice that I would give a young adult starting out in life: 1. Start a Life Plan Identify things like when you want to retire, places you want to live during the different stages in your life, factor in the health history of your bloodline relatives (if the last two generations of your family were forced into early retirement due to health issues then make sure your life plan takes that into account). Your life plans will likely change over time, but you will still be moving forward, and it gives your life some direction 2. Do Something Worthwhile With Your Life Fun is important, but fun is not ultimately fulfilling. Focus on offering value to the world whether through the way you make a living or through your other efforts of making the world a better place. Every person that I have ever coached that participated in scams for most of their life are blocked for forming real connections with other human beings and have an emptiness and loneliness that simply cannot be healed. 3. Make Understanding Money A Priority Learn about the personality types required for the different ways to earn money. The traits of a great employee may get in the way when becoming a great entrepreneur. The traits of a great investor may get in the way of someone that seeks a career change into an independent contract self employed professional. Knowing yourself in this regard is going to save you years of experimenting and poverty to figure it out. 4. Stay Out of Bad Debt As much as possible, stay out of bad debt. Work to pay off everything in a timely fashion, and if you cannot afford it on cash, do not put it on credit. Even school loans can be paid by reduced course loads and working part or full time to pay tuition as you study. Live within your means, and be mindful of how interest in bad debt is designed to keep you in bad debt. 5. Get the Necessary Education Get the necessary education. No one has the obligation to teach you anything. Get a formal education if you want a career path that requires a license/degree/or association membership, and best get it while you are young. No matter what anyone tells you, not everyone is able to go for education when older as we cannot predict what obstacles will be there. A lack of health as you get older or increased family responsibilities as you move into the next stages of your life may simply not allow for the time or resources needed for an education. If you cannot get a formal education for any reason, then educate yourself on your time, with your own research. Just because you weren’t able to go to college or university does not mean you stop your education. Pick a direction in life, and learn everything you can about it. Also, there is little value going into 50K in debt for a career that pays minimum wage, that you can break into without a degree. Make sure the amount you invest to get the education can be easily paid back with what you earn. 6. In Love, Choose Wisely Do not commit to the wrong person. When it comes to your love life, there are people that you just date for fun and there are people that can best support your future life plans that must earn your commitment. If you get these two mixed up, you may lose everything. Everything you have ever earned, everything that gives you peace of mind, and even your very freedom.  How To Choose The Right Person 7. Take Care Of Your Health You never know when being healthier makes things easier until you lose your health. Physical health, mental health and emotional health are all important. If you need help in any of these areas, seek the help. Find a motivator, a therapist, a coach and make it part of your life plan. 8. Never Count On Being Saved By Others Never be fully dependent on someone to save you. It is up to you to save yourself. It is great when you have people to count on, but your goal is to build up your life so that you aren't dependent on any one particular person or system. This includes expecting your government to save you as well. The more you can be independent, the more you can fully enjoy the life you build without fear of anyone taking it away from you. It is OK to ask for help when you need it, but it is not OK to ever assume that anyone is automatically your safety net if things do not work out. 9. Always Plan Long-Term Consider things in terms of your best long-term interest. Today you may want to take revenge on someone who hurt you (short term) but is it worth jail time (long term)? Today you may really want the cool entertainment system for the party this weekend (short term), but is it worth the risk that you do not have an emergency fund to pay the rent in the event you are too sick to work later in the year (long term)? Today you may really want to travel over the holidays to another country to meet that potential new partner that you met online (short term), but is it worth the loss of prep time for the entrance exam for the next stage of your life (long term)? 10. Never Act Cruel I think above all else, this may be the most important. You do not have to be overly nice, but never be cruel. Never say mean things just to hurt another person. Respect people’s rights to live in peace, tolerate their differences, and act as encouraging to others as you want them to be to you. Never shame anyone because you think they could do better. You do not know their stories and struggles. Never hate someone just because they are different. Never make jokes at another person's expense and never be someone's bully. Charisma is defined in my works as a person who leaves a positive impression of themselves while at the same time makes other people feel good about their selves too.  Get Help To Get Your Life On Track  What did your parents teach you about marriage? What Did Your Parents Teach You About Marriage? by Frank Kermit I posted this on my social media and have to say that the majority of the responses were very negative. Here are some examples: "If I was to answer honestly, not many good things" "My parents taught me that I should never get married" "Nothing" "Nothing good" "That how they ran their marriage was no good" At the time of publishing this post on the blog there was only one possible response: My parent's marriage taught me that it's important to be trustworthy, honest and transparent with your partner If you have parents that taught you how to have a great marriage, it seems you may be among the lucky few. If you come from parents that were not able to teach you about marriage, at least you learned from them what NOT to do (which means you are halfway there). I can teach you the other half. Sign up for Coaching and let me take you through My Emotional Needs Analysis system so that you can have a GREAT MARRIAGE and make your next serious relationship divorce proof.
#parents #parenting #gaydad #dad #parenthood #mother #children #teach #tpt #iteach #teacherspayteachers #teacherlife #teachersfollowteachers #teaching #iteachtoo #classroom #learn #teacher #educate #education #marriage #groom #instawedding #ceremony #weddingparty #weddingday #bride #weddingdress #bridesmaids #weddinggown #congrats #married #romance #weddingcake #celebration #wife #husband #celebrate #congratulations #together #noiva #forever #forbetterorforworse #untildeathdouspart Challenging life experiences are highlighted in this contributed post. You’d like to think that as we get older, things will get easier because we have the wisdom and experience of many years. Unfortunately, this isn’t always the case, and there are a few things that are actually easier for younger people to get through than the older generation. Here are 4 of the hardest things you can experience later in life.  old age solutions Injury
You’re probably aware that in your later years it will be harder to get over an injury because our bones, joints and skin are slower at healing than they used to be. Injuries not only affect us physically, but they can seriously affect us mentally. For example: if you were to have a car crash that you were able to walk away from in later life, it would affect you in the sense that you’d feel fragile for longer, and worried about venturing out into the world again. Whereas younger people are able to recover faster physically; therefore able to face their fears faster and not allow themselves to become secluded. Divorce A big part of your life that no one wants to experience, but unfortunately it happens to at least half of all American couples. Sometimes, divorce can happen much later in life when you both realise that you’re simply not in love anymore. Whether there is a bad and ugly break up or not, it’s still very emotionally draining to go through divorce mediation. Younger people are more likely to bounce back from a divorce due to other commitments like work and children, so they are more distracted than say a 70 year old divorcee. Regardless of your age, make sure that you have as many loved ones around you as possible if you are going through a divorce. Children It’s not often heard of, but sometimes new couples where one or both of the partners is older can still conceive, regardless of whether they think they might have gone through menopause, or simply unable to have children anymore. Having a child at a later age can be a big strain on the relationship because of the worry of that child losing one or maybe even both of their parents early. Having children is never a decision to be taken lightly, but younger people are often more accepting of the news, even if the child wasn’t planned. Moving house Moving house is also a massive deal for anyone. It’s completely uprooting your lives and it can be hard to come to terms with it, especially if you’re not keen on the move itself. Pensioners often find it difficult to leave their beloved homes as some of them have been living there their whole life. It can also be difficult if you’re moving to a retirement home. Take these four things into consideration and make sure that if any of them happen to you, that you get the support you need to get through a difficult time. Dear Franktalks blog readers. This post was removed from the site at the end of May 2025. The original author Karen Cross has requested that this article be removed from the Internet due to the amount of trolling she has been subjected too for the contents of this article. Karen wrote the original article around 2013. In 2017 I reached out to Karen and asked for permission to repost the article. Karen granted me permission and that disclaimer was posted at the bottom of the article. Franktalks wishes Karen peace and healing during this time, and hopes that the trolling and online abuse will stop.  Sign Up For Frank Coaching  Coaching Workbook For Her To Make The Most Of Her Time  donate now  Happy Father's Day! A Father's Day memory: Got something in my eye...I was at the park with my son (he is 7). He tells me that he plans to do two things when he grows up, and then wants to become a parent. I told him he does not have to become a parent if he does not want to. He says "hey, I am in charge of my own destiny!" ..then I asked him why he wants to one day become a parent, and he says,"I want be like you" ....feeling a little choked up right now... You are a great dad if you... -Put your kids ahead of the rest of your extended family -Show up to your kids weddings even if your wife did not want to attend -Made an effort to be a better father to your own kids than your own father was to you -built up your child's sense of independence and self esteem instead of using shame and guilt and dependence as a means of control -ask your children about their life dreams and help guided them to turn them to goals -supported your kids to reach full potential in ways that made kids feel good about themselves -protected your children from those that would hurt your kids, even at the risk of your own social status in your community -Taught your children the value of being treated well by others -Did not involved your children into the adult fights you had with your spouse -Who shows affection to your kids even if you still have to learn to be comfortable doing it Happy Fathers Day if you are this kind of Dad!! From the Coach who deals with clients that did not have this kind of dad. -Frank Kermit *Disclaimer: the views of the author do not necessarily represent the views of Franktalks.com. It is important to present different views/mindsets, and that includes material that may be deemed controversial in nature.  5 Assumptions to Stop Making About Porn Stars and Sex Workers Five General Assumptions About Porn Stars and Sex Workers by Adhimu Stewart aka Malcolm Lovejoy It's now the Springtime of 2017. Technology is at an all-time level of stupendous evolution. I was at OCAD - Ontario College of Art and Design two weeks ago, and I saw a man with a self-attached, metallic digital earpiece connected to the side his temple, and it extended into his ear like it was straight outta Star Trek: the Next Generation. Google Earth can allow you to visually experience damn near anywhere on this planet from the comfort of your cozy chair in front of your computer. And Ocular Rift is genuinely brain-rearranging in its ability to transport us to unforeseen dimensions of inventive imaginative eye-popping experiences in life... and love and sex, of course! As it is incalculable how important, nay, excruciatingly vital, the phenomenon of human sexuality has been in playing a primary, innovative, pioneering role in evolving virtually every aspect of human existence, from technology, family, finance, science, religion, justice to basic universal empathy; sexuality is literally the lifeblood of reality. You are here because two people had sex (unless you were born via in vitro fertilization,which also required two people's chemical interaction) and, sadly... the fact that two (or more) people simply chose to have some fun and have sex with each other STILL causes other people that ALSO are alive on earth because two other people had sex with each other, to get all messed-up in their morals and perspectives on others living a simple human life! Let us learn how to stop the proverbial madness, once and for all. The degree of decorum-destroying general disrespect that is unleashed ad nausea across the world by generations of less-than-enlightened individuals that completely forget some of the BASIC fundamental principals of a democratic society, and fail to maturely maintain that in a free and civilized nation, democracy and freedom applies to individual sexual philosophical selection as well. This dangerous daily disrespect cannot be quantified enough. And whether heard or unheard, unleashed violently or emotionally, EVERY SINGLE ACT of denial and dishonor to human sexual freedom is downright wrong, no matter how many likes some anti-woman sex-shaming meme gets liked or spread endlessly around the internet, nor how many people privately mutter some slanderous dirt about Belle Knox, Ciara & her new husband, Lindsay Lohan's list of lovers, Rihanna's badgyal image, Kirsten Stewart's infidelity to Robert Pattinson, the Brangelina/Jennifer Aniston thing, or Amber Rose's Slutwalk Initiative (or the original SlutWalk in Toronto, among other acts of resistance). Between completely conscious, collaborative, consenting individuals, whether they are both 21 years old, or 42 years old (if not 82, I'm no ageist and I plan to be having sex until my last day on earth), there has NEVER been an act of safe, sacred and satisfying sexual connection that is worth the apocalyptic religious judgement, negative public stigma, familial shame and/or other detrimental damage done to anyone that has been "caught" enjoying their right to be a human being intimate with other human beings that seek to temporarily bask in the eternal bliss found in a hug, a kiss or any other form of connection we can courageously reach out for in this semi-selfish, harsh, hypocritical, cold world. And thus far, I've mostly been focusing on people who DON'T have sex for money or on a professional basis of value-oriented economic exchange, just the illogical issues too many powerful and supposedly educated people still have about basic, simple sex! Because honestly: regardless of the countless advances in technology we have accomplished as human beings collectively, sex is generally STILL struggling a very barely-evolved phenomenon across the modern world. With men, women and people all being taught, manipulated, exploited, controlled, lied to, sold to, and screamed to by forces as big and influential as international organized religion, various educational institutions, the completely inconsistent and contradictory legal system, the partisan confusion preached by various levels of government, the increasingly unknown intentions of modern scientists... and you're supposed to somehow try and have a lifetime of fun with your genitalia and friends in an earthly environment THIS insane? Good luck!! I have no idea in the world about what acceptable areas and boundaries of intimacy we are supposed to have any unlimited fun within (much less make any money or exercise any constitutional liberty), facing as many internal and external obstacles as we collectively suffer with now. And, with all that frustrated foreplay having been gushed out: one way I have realized I can constantly keep expanding the fun I feel is: TO KNOW THE TRUTH, and keep it as close as possible to the foundation of your feelings, thoughts and actions during every day of your literal life. And from this vantage point of life understanding, I'd like to begin this article: FIVE ASSUMPTIONS TO STOP MAKING ABOUT PORN STARS AND SEX WORKERS IN 2017. Some of these are new, some of them are not, but they are all still relevant and matter to me, my friends, my co-workers, my heroes, my heroines, my idols and my entire future. Let's begin unlearning and relearning some things, shall we? Assumption 1 That a porn star is the same wild person off-camera that they are on-camera, or a sex worker is always horny, and thus should always be sexually available. There is very little difference between any actor, musician, porn star, or entertainer in Show Business. On a certain level, at the end of the day: THEY ARE SIMPLY NOT THE SAME PERSON AT HOME AS THEY ARE AT WORK! There may be some existential aspects or personality traits of their professional life that make an appearance in their private life, but for the most part, the reality is: what you are witnessing on screen and falling in love with IS A PERFORMER GIVING A PERFORMANCE, not necessarily the actual person you dream they are. Maybe one of the best, and original examples of such moonlighting is: Marilyn Monroe isn't actually named 'Marilyn Monroe'. Her birth name was Norma Jean Mortenson, and, unsurprisingly, she was also not nearly as dumb as she acted on screen, fighting with studio executives and going head-to-head with the President, before her rather suspicious death. I'm sure a lot of men and women get aroused by the idea that the actor/actress/acting person they're starstruck over is the witty writer and/or clever creator of the scintillating dialogue magically dripping off their lips and enchanting you eternally, or that they are the owner of all the clothes you love to see them dazzle you in, or that there's no embellishment, exaggeration or outside influence upon by the director or producer upon the final version of the image of the person you are dreaming to wake up beside. But in porn, it's the same as Hollywood: times five. Or more like times 69! I know so many porn stars that have sex like wildebeests on MDMA and tasmanian devils on bath salts, but the moment it's time to stop having sex and start breathing and speaking like a normal muggle again, they simply devote their daytime energy to things like animal rights activism, promoting fitness/exercise culture, fighting for civil rights & justice, whether for reproductive freedom or for LGBTQ+ empowerment, if not some other body autonomy issue worth protesting and shouting at the devil over... or they are just a regular person that is cool with showing themselves have sex for money! Sure, the world of porn can be a quite a life-consuming occupation for many participants, but it doesn't have to necessarily eclipse a porn star's entire reality when they are not getting sweaty and sexy for the camera. There are married porn stars that have families and husbands/wives outside the industry that they go home to when they are off the clock. There are porn stars that only do specific acts for money on camera, and may not EVER show their genitals, or other private parts of their body to the world. Some BDSM practitioners might be known to paddle and flog in a particular signature skin-tight latex/leather outfit, but is on some Mariah Carey/Catholic Nun-level chastity as far as NEVER ONCE having their nipples, genitals or even bare skin be exposed to the world for all ogling eyes to see. Not every day on the job requires actual penetrative sex, and thank goodness, because one's sex drive isn't a consistent faucet with the same expressive pressure every day. Bonnie Rotten might actually be as aggressive in her personal interactions in business as she is in her personal interactions in porn... but that doesn't mean she's spitting down throats and begging for prolapsed gapings in the middle of her lasagna dinner at Olive Garden. Yes, as a porn star, I might have had my work life bleed into my non-work life a bit, and I might occasionally be out at some historic nature monument, looking around like "I wonder if we can have sex/shoot porn here?" Yes, that does happen sometimes, ha. But I'm not always scouting women to have sex with, and I'm not always trying to have sex with the women I am attracted to, even if they know I do porn and want to have sex with them! Porn stars like non-porn movies too! Heck, Ron Jeremy is a classically-trained piano teacher, Lexington Steele is a university-educated, former Wall Street stock broker, and Nina Hartley is a registered nurse. Ron "The Hedgehog" Jeremy, as much as people want to downplay him as if his impressive genitals were all he had to offer this world, is a certified schoolteacher, and was teaching children on the autism spectrum before it was even diagnosed as such. And sure, not all porn stars might be bookish introverts before they remove their khakis and Oxford blazer, but that doesn't justify denying any porn star the possibility of being a multi-faceted individual capable of any and all the other attributes we ascribe to erotic actors. Finally, even if they are like Asa Akira, and absolutely LOVE being hypersexual as much as possible, what's wrong with that? Nobody shames LeBron James for being obsessed with playing basketball, and if they did, how foolish would they look? About as foolish as anyone shaming any other grown adult for doing exactly what they want with their freedom in life on any given day. Assumption 2 That porn stars and sex workers are unclean, physically or morally, and that it's smarter to stay away from touching them, if you find out you have met one. Optimism and evolution would have most socially-conscious individuals hoping this ignorantly-immature sexual criticism would not remain such a prevalent issue in modern society, what with things like the infinitely-overloaded resource of information known as Internet at virtually everyone on earth's disposal. But, nope! We're still living in times not far removed from the 70's, 80's and the AIDS epidemic, when people were saying stupid shit like "Don't share toilet seats with gay people!" or "You can catch HIV from mosquitoes, or drinking from the same cup." These were some of the ignorant ideas about sexuality that were perpetuated by the masses (not that the government and the education system didn't also do their share of mis-education and avoidance of addressing the facts), and honestly, it's unbelievable how little we have progressed collectively as a society, and as a world. What with Earvin 'Magic' Johnson still alive and well after diagnosing his HIV status in 1991 and having a famous gender-queer son, as well as new HIV-management treatments such as PrEP, I'm surprised that more people aren't opening their minds even a tiny bit, to the possibility of STI's, STD's and/or even manageable or terminal diseases not being the scarlet letter for pariahs awaiting eternal existential exodus. And whether it's HIV, chlamydia, warts, hepatitis, or herpes, the unassailable, unwavering, unbelievably true fact is: the regular civilian that is slut-shaming and slandering any porn stars for being "sexually unclean" has a MUCH HIGHER POSSIBILITY OF TRANSMITTING AN STI than any professional porn star operating at a consistent basis in the adult entertainment industry. The assumption people have about porn star is silly. For every story of a Cameron Bay contracting HIV or a Mr. Marcus spreading syphilis shutdown, there's literally ~millions~ of videos of porn stars exchanging nothing but healthy consensual human sexual energy, plus some saliva and semen and other funky fun fluids between each other, then getting their compensation and calling it a good day's work. The additional truth that the vast majority of porn stars get tested every 14-28 days for most, if not all, STI's to be legally and professionally invited to shoot, in contrast to the general understanding that the average man or woman found at your local bar/dance club/social gathering on a Friday or Saturday night is considered to get tested for STI's approximately once or twice a YEAR, as well as has NO discernible evidence, video or otherwise, that proves they have not had unprotected sex with others since the last (or first) time we chose to become intimate, puts the whole truth into perspective for me. It's a different level of interaction between men and men in porn and in the gay community, but this is not to reinforce the stereotype that porn stars spread diseases because of their work. But that doesn't mean I think I'm going to catch gonorrhea when I go to use the washroom at the Black Eagle Bar on Church St.!) Yet, I digress. The bottom line is: MANY people still think porn stars and sex workers are physically and morally unclean than the rest of the population, including a few doctors at the walk-in clinic I go to that offer little more than a judgmental cold shoulder and the lowest level of customer service possible the moment after I reveal my sex worker status, while seeking testing or other related information. It's probably one of the most knee-jerk, automatic cliches to say about human beings in general: the assumption that people that do sex or porn are dirty, just like assuming something ignorant like "fat people eat like pigs", not considering metabolism, genetics, health conditions, body diversity, or any other reason why it's foolish to assume bigger bodied people are different than any one else. Or deserve any less respect than you or I. So, yes. EVERY single porn star you look at online is NOT a dirty person, physically, morally, economically, or socially. I always say: Porn is messy, not dirty. Real Pornography is the professional creation of healthy, clean, safe, visible sexual delight between happily consenting individuals that are erotically empowered and engaged. Fact: every single Thursday, Friday and Saturday night of the year: there are two people who drunkenly connected with each other at some neighborhood bar, and let the rush of lust consume and compel them to find the first available room/bathroom stall, and get busy... and they didn't stop to ask for consent for barely anything, conducted rather high risk sex possibly without protection, maybe didn't even tell each other their real names, and didn't have any intention on ever seeing them again, yet lied about that desire for short term fun... ...and its people like THIS that want to slander porn stars and disrespect sex workers as morally and/or sexually unclean? The hypocrisy would be laughable, if it wasn't so widespread, malicious and baseless... on top of being foolish beyond comprehension. Assumption 3. Porn stars & sex workers don't value themselves and/or were abused, so that's why they are doing sex work, and their families must be ashamed of them. To deny the autonomous choice of hundreds of thousands of grown adults all over the age of 18 that all must sign 2257 legal documentation, plus show two pieces of government I.D., as well as doctor's-approved clean STI testing, is, as I said, downright ridiculous beyond articulation. The judgmental stigmatization around sexuality is slowly, painfully, creatively and controversially being eradicated on a variety of levels in North America and other forward-thinking societies, from the steamy plots of new age TV shows like 'The Sopranos', 'The L Word', 'Californication', 'Masters of Sex', 'True Blood', 'Game of Thrones', 'Queer as Folk' and back to 'Sex and the City', which all have done impressive work in helping normalize sex, nudity and sexuality to the masses on levels of awareness unknown and rarely explored in the 80's or 90's. Also through rare and various Hollywood movies like 'Boogie Nights', 'When Harry Met Sally', 'Secretary', 'Poetic Justice', 'Love Jones', 'The Notebook', 'How Stella Got Her Groove Back', 'Love and Basketball', '50 Shades of Grey' (ugh) and some imported gems like 'Blue is the Warmest Color', 'Nymphomaniac', 'Y Tu Mama Tambien' and 'Love', amongst many others, modern cinema has opened the average person's mind in general, to nontraditional types of love, new age relationships and sex itself not being the one-way ticket to some supposed burning lake of fire... ...which, strangely, is the fundamental reason WHY every single one of us has manifest a destiny on the planet earth: because. our. parents. were. having. sex! I say all this to say: do you think the actors and actresses parents feel like those actors and actresses don't value themselves? Does Scarlett Johannsen not value herself because she does a movie like 'Under the Skin'? Does Halle Berry not value herself because she did a sex scene like the one with Billy Bob Thornton in 'Monster's Ball'? How about Monica Belluci, and her shockingly realistic rape scene in 'Irreversible', does her doing that scene mean she hates herself and wants to abuse herself, like any other porn star or sex worker that gets paid to act out a hardcore scene? Where does the line start or stop? Well, there actually is no line between any genre, except for the one in anyone's mind. To think that actors aren't also whores or that whores aren't also actors, is to completely misunderstand showbiz, the entertainment industry, and sexuality itself. The adage "sluts give it away, whores get paid for it" is a gross exaggeration of the basic sexual contract in North American society, but...it's kinda true. And I don't judge either one for getting pleasure, or getting paid for pleasure! I humbly suggest you do the same. And honestly, whether or not their families and friends are ashamed of them: as long as they are being safe and consensual, who gives a darn what anyone else thinks? Unless girls are being coerced and manipulated into porn, which does happen sadly, I won't deny (but doesn't the National Army, the fashion industry & professional sports industry all recruit naive, young people under semi-suspicious circumstances as well?) then opinions are like sphincters without enough lube: something that should stay closed tight. I will confess personally, it's pretty helpful to have my mother actually supportive of my porn career as well as my nude modeling, but my biological father isn't supportive at all, yet: I couldn't care less about his opinion! I will sleep wonderful at night knowing that I have a marvelous scene planned tomorrow with a divinely sacred person, where the BDSM, aggressive kink and dominant scenes we have planned are well within our boundaries as responsible adults playing sexy games with each other. I wasn't abused as a child, I love myself beyond measure, my family knows all about my porn career, and supports me doing safe sex work for as long as I want to. Which is: for the rest of my natural born life, thank you very much, and you're welcome! Assumption 4. That you are not, and never have been, in any way connected to anyone in the sex industry, and that you "don't associate with people like that" Reality check: considering how many women and other people are silent about their (possibly temporary) careers in the sex industry, or simply have a second life they don't reveal, I would gamble on the unknown statistics being somewhere around maybe 2 or 3 out of 10 men going their whole sexual life NOT ever having any kind of sexual or intimate engagement with a person that had some sort of sex work/porn employment in their own life. The amount of girls that were strippers to get through college, or did some camgirl work on the side, or was a prostitute temporarily (and maybe still is occasionally), or did some nude modeling for a source of income while going to university, amongst countless other possibilities, cannot be quantified. Nor judged. Just happily assume that one of your best fantasies in your life might have occurred because they were a professional, and you just happened to get lucky somehow... Assumption 5. That sex work or pornography can be eradicated by government legislation, or that pornography can be controlled by religious doctrine and moral decree. As the timeless saying goes: "Prostitution is the world's oldest profession". In 2017, it's absolutely, probably, and truly finally about time people grow up and accept it's not going anywhere. At all! Accept this instead: some people want to expose themselves to the incomprehensibly vast diversity of activity in the world, while others just don't have the same level of ambition. Neither one is right or wrong for wanting what (and who) they want to do. Some people want to deep sea dive with underwater lifeforms off the shores of Madagascar, others don't. Some people want to jump out of airplanes and skydive then parachute, some don't. Some people want to fix cars, some don't. Some people want to cook gourmet meals in expensive restaurants with exotic ingredients, some don't. Some people want to research the newest advances in microbiology in a clinical laboratory, some don't. Some people want to kiss, lick, suck, and have sex with other people to their heart's content, some people don't. Life is better when you can balance yourself in the midst of such divergent possibilities of playful personal adventure on earth, and find what works for you without needing to impose your values and desires on anyone else's values and desires, whether it's your family, your friends, enemies or strangers... and probably most importantly, your lovers and sex partners in life! Negotiation and balance becomes different. Conversation, compromise and communication becomes different. Controlling others choices is never cool, unless you're protecting your own child, and even at a certain point, that becomes corrupting. Caring about someone being safe while they go make their wildest dreams come true is way more cool. And the President, the Prime Minister and the Pope have sexual standards that you need NOT emulate, unless you want to be one of them, or work in those career paths. Follow your own codes, beliefs & laws, as you follow your own heart towards your purpose and pleasure in life and love. Taking a journey like that, while not making any of these assumptions about any of the sex workers and porn stars you enjoy seeing publicly or even indulging in these days, will usher you to a wonderful level of empathy, compassion and understanding of both business and pleasure on the professional level, as well as just respecting humanity properly. Begin removing these archaic ignorant notions amongst & about others, and THEN you can safely make the assumption that you're part of the solutions in sex, not part of the problems stopping the potential of you producing as many wonderful memories as possible in your own spectacular love and sex life. A beautiful love & sex life is truly paradise. Sincerely yours, Adhimu Stewart aka Malcolm Lovejoy, Professional Love Maker About the Author
Malcolm Lovejoy (musician/journalist/activist/porn star/sex educator/human being) is the porn star of the future. A renaissance man like no other in adult entertainment, he is a romantic enthusiast on levels that would make Casanova proud. His feminist-focused approach to all things pornographic pushes his work into a category unlike most men in porn, as Malcolm's passion for providing multi-orgasmic satisfaction for his partners before spending time trying to give a money shot, his unparalleled oral skills, tender touch and ultra-athletic action-packed sex style makes Malcolm's porn a beautiful vision to behold for everyone lucky enough to see it! And in his first 2 years of filming, he has explored a wide variety of adult content, from heterosexual pleasure, to bondage & submissive play, female ejaculation scenes, solo masturbation, transgender scenes, sci-fi sex, pornographic music videos, and so much more. With over 50 scenes filmed thus far, and more on the way, his plans for 2017 and beyond are nothing but bring more of Malcolm Lovejoy's boundless beauty and sacred sexuality to the world for all people to be endlessly educated and entertained by... If you want to know more, just ask me! Email: [email protected] Twitter: mindbendermind Facebook: Dr. Malcolm Jackson Lovejoy Past Articles From Malcolm: http://www.franktalks.com/blog/5-tips-for-women-for-dating-a-male-porn-star  The Jackson 5 Five Were My Brothers The Jackson 5 Were My Brothers by Nat King Pole So the Jackson 5 are my brothers and we just sing and dance all day. Well at least in my mind they were from age 6 to well... now at 55 lol. I was raised an only child in a small town of 200 on the border of Ontario. Everybody was very white and spoke English or French.
I was 6 years old and I was hooked. From that day on it was all about the Jacksons followed by Motown and Martin Luther king and African American history. I'm getting ahead of myself.
Now the Jacksons became my héros just because I loved the music and the dancing but as I got older I learned that they were also part of a group of people that were not loved and accepted just like me.
When I learned he was shot I was devastated as I figured we were doomed to be hated forever. But black people understood oppression and therefore would understand who I was and accept me. I had found my people! Ok I'm about 8 yrs old at this point. I didn't quite get all the subtilités of prejudice.
I wanted an Afro I wanted everything they wore, I never missed them on TV and just bought everything I could get my hands on that I could with my 50 cent a week allowance.
Then I'd spend hours trying to copy what I'd seen. I knew every lyric and move by heart. Man, I was the 6th brother. Now all this put me in the loner weird nerd kid category until secondary five (Grade 11) when it happened. A talent contest. That weird nerdy kid is actually trying out. This should be hilarious they thought. Well no one knew what I'd been up to all these years.
Everyone was standing and going crazy! My parents and grandparents were crying and I won and my whole life changed dramatically that day. Since then I've seen the Jacksons a total of 3 times live and am going for four this June.
Today I'm still performing and it's what gives me the most joy in life. That's when I can be who I really am and it's just as magical as it was when I was in my parent's place just me and my imaginary brothers -Nat King Pole About the Author Nat king Pole is Montreal's busiest drag King and has been for 15 years. As well as performing regularly In his hometown he's been making ladies swoon in Toronto, Quebec city, Ottawa and in Philadelphia, Boston, Provincetown Etc. He sings Live, writes his own parodies, dances and is just plain sexy. They call him the panty whisperer. His website is: http://natkingpole.com/ To read Nat's past post: http://www.franktalks.com/blog/profile-of-a-drag-king  Help Monique Find Her Birth Family Updated on March 1, 2018. Please note that Monique has in fact located her birth family and met them. This post caught the eye of someone on a Facebook group (Search Squad), and we put Monique in touch with the Facebook group that helped her with her search. In less than 1 year, Monique met her birth siblings and birth mother. Help Monique Find Her Birth Family If you recognize anyone from the photos, or from the information, Please directly contact Monique at (705) 471-6684 or you have more information to offer anonymously Please contact the site admin: [email protected] Birth Name: Marie Isabelle Judith Name Adoption: Marie Carole Therese Monique Gaudreau Place of Birth: Hull, Quebec Date of Birth: October 16, 1965 Orphanage: Ville-Joie Ste-Therese de Hull. Date of Adoption: (cir 16 Months old) January 31, 1967 Other Registered Information: Place of Baptism: Notre-Dame de Graces, Hull, Quebec Date of Baptism: November 9, 1965
Information of Biological Family on File: Bio-Mom: (born cir. 1932) was 33 at the time of birth of Monique. Caucasian French-Canadian, spoke French, Catholic, unmarried, living in the Outaouais region of Quebec. She was about 5’3”, weighed about 108 lbs, with brown hair, brown eyes, and listed as having a fair complexion. Her education level was 7th grade and her occupation was a Waitress. Bio-Dad: (born cir. 1929) was 36 at the time of birth of Monique. Caucasian French-Canadian, spoke French, Catholic living in the Outaouais region of Quebec. He was about 5’9”, weighed about 180 lbs, with black hair, black eyes and listed as having a fair complexion. His education level was 5th grade, and his occupation was a Truck Driver. Maternal Grandparents: M-GrandFather died at the age of 50 from a heart attack M-GrandMother (born cir. 1910) was age 55 and her health was listed as good at the time birth of Monique. M-Grandmother was a homemaker. M-Grandmother had 4 sisters (all listed as married and homemakers) and one brother (M-Uncle). M-Uncle (born cir. 1951) was age 14 at the time of birth of Monique and was a student at the time. The family was listed as living in a poor social and economic situation. Paternal Grandparents: In 1965, both paternal grandparents were listed as living and in good health. **** Disclaimer: Much of the information above is from the C.P.E.J. Outaouais Letters To Her Biological Parents From Monique A Letter From Monique To Her Biological Mother Dear Mom, Being Adopted is emotional life sentence, not knowing your identity. most Adoptees have so much love and sensitivity. We have been through depression, anxiety, Just because two people have never met, does not mean that love between the two don't exist. What ever was the circumstance , many of us Adoptees have forgiven, but not forgotten our loss. I personally want to say these words to a women that gave birth to me.. You are awesome... I forgive you... You had tremendous strength for giving me away.... I am so sorry that you had suffered in silence... You deserve to be recognized as my mother, even though you did not raise me, you brought me into this world, and gave me to a total stranger , in hope that I could receive what you felt you would be unable to provide for me. No one has ever thanked you, for your unselfish love. No one was there to guide you through after your hardest decision. I want to thank you personally for making me strong , and by doing what you did. The love I have for you, YES YOU! It is so strong. I Pray that in your heart you will feel at peace with yourself, and remember no one has the right to judge you...Not even me. If you have passed on, please give me the opportunity to place a rose at you resting place, and await till we meet again someday. From your biological daughter to my biological mother...I never knew. I love you!! -Monique A Letter From Monique To Her Biological Father Dear Dad, To my Biological father I never knew. I am not here to judge you! I only want to say. I understand... I have no hate.... You played a very important part in my existence... I feel the need to tell you, I always had love for you in my heart . Whatever the circumstances that lead me to be given away, I have no hate, for I myself have learned so many things in my lifetime, and failed. I know that my place is not to judge, and I promise I won't !!!! I am willing to receive you with open arms, please do not let your mind and heart feel troubled, but know I am here for you. If you should have passed on, please I pray that you might of shared your deepest secrets to someone that could reconnect with me. My promise to you if you were taken to be among the Angels, is to place a rose at at your resting place, in remembrance and respect for you, for accepting the many challenges that this may have caused you in your lifetime. Being human is one of the hardest things at times, and this I truly believe. With Love from your biological daughter you never knew, to a biological father I pray to meet one day. -Monique ***** About Monique About Monique: Monique is married and currently resides in the city of North Bay, Ontario. ************************************* If you recognize anyone from the photos, or from the information, Please directly contact Monique at (705) 471-6684 or you have more information to offer anonymously Please contact the site admin: [email protected]  I'll Tell You Where All The Good Men Have Gone by Arun Eden-Lewis I'll Tell You Where All The Good Men Have Gone by Arun Eden-Lewis Search the words, “Where have all the good men gone?” and dozens of anecdotes, articles, blogs, and books will appear on your screen. Overwhelmingly, this question is posed by women, discussed by women, and answered by women. This, ironically, is an essential reason for these so called man-deserts—men are simply not being asked to contribute their opinions and perspectives. And the good men themselves are increasingly less likely to offer their point of view, for many reasons. I do not seek to apportion blame here, on either side, but simply to address this question from the seldom-heard voice that is the object of the question itself: good men. The last 100 years of suffragettes, feminists, and political correctness have challenged and continue to challenge thousands of years of patriarchy—and rightly so. Consequently, the roles of both men and women have been transformed and redefined. While we struggle to adjust to the new and still evolving status quo, the war of the sexes has taken millions of casualties. In Western culture, divorce rates for first marriages range from 42 percent in the U.K. to 53 percent in the U.S. to a staggering 71 percent in Belgium. Subsequent marriages fare even worse. The spectre of divorce is another contributing factor in the conspicuously expanding man-deserts. Many men, having seen their fathers broken by divorce, fear the loss of their assets, their homes, and their children and are simply stacking their chips, choosing not to gamble, and checking out of the marriage casino. Family courts invariably award primary custody to the mother, while the father is restricted to weekend access, supervised visits, or left to literally climb the walls of Buckingham Palace in a superhero costume to protest rights for dads. Men—will they ever grow up? The ridicule and debasement of men in the media and mainstream culture is now pervasive. Watch a commercial, sitcom, or movie, and invariably an immature man-child or dumb dad is the butt of the joke—the hapless buffoon. Fortunately, these silly men are always saved from themselves by a smart, witty woman or a conscripted, eye-rolling child. The emasculation of men has become normalized.  https://tinyurl.com/lkpcewj Sensibly, rather than have their balls cut off (sometimes literally, and that often gets a good laugh), men are running for cover in their droves, leaving women mystified and asking, “Where have all the good men gone?” When I was in secondary school, perhaps 14 years old, there was a girl who patrolled the playground, egged on by her gang of girlfriends, kicking the boys between the legs. Clearly, she had been informed by someone this was the quickest, easiest, and funniest way to bring those stupid boys down to earth. One day it was my turn. Caught by surprise, I crumpled to the ground after a swift kick to the balls, in too much agony even to cry out. Oh, how the girls laughed! Even then, I abhorred a bully. The following day, I found my attacker in the playground and, contrary to my upbringing, without warning I kicked her swiftly between the legs. To everyone’s surprise she also crumpled to the ground, in too much agony to cry out. A crowd of cheering boys slapped me on the back—their new avenger. The girls stared at me wide-eyed in shock—a boy who fought back? No one had told them that was allowed, surely it was against the rules! Equality: it’s a son of a gun. I remember feeling no satisfaction or honour in defeating a weaker adversary but sometimes, especially in the case of a bully, personal satisfaction and honour is not the point—standing up to their aggression is. As I grew into a man—a good man—I learned to walk away from provocation, as most good men do. Boys are stupid, throw rocks at them!” Remember the T-shirts launched in 2003? Followed by coffee mugs, posters, even a book.“Boys tell lies, poke them in the eyes!” Another favourite for young girls at the time. It took a fathers’ rights activist to have this merchandise removed from thousands of retail stores. Inevitably, he was ridiculed by a myopic majority.  https://tinyurl.com/mgm5jqh Presently, in some areas of the U.K., 80 percent of primary schools have three male teachers or less, one quarter of primary schools have no male teachers at all, and some towns have 65 percent single mother families. Man-deserts indeed. A young boy can go to school and have no adult male role model, and then return home and have no adult male role models. Young girls are achieving significantly higher academic standards than young boys. This feminisation of schools spills over into university, then the workplace, and eventually the home, completing the insipid cycle and the marginalization of both boys and men. I was born in 1968. I grew up with a strong mother, four stronger sisters, and no father. I was taught, not only by my family but also by wider society, to regard women as my equal, and I always have. Yet, unknown to me, a generation of women were being indoctrinated and trained with a sharp-edged tool kit designed to emasculate men. Men have been subjugating women for centuries; now, they’re getting payback. It seems only fair. The fox has turned on the hounds and she’s packing a punch, or a kick to the balls. But the nature of men when faced with a fight is to fight back, either psychologically or physically. Clearly there are no winners in this scenario. The relentless competitive struggle to determine who wears the trousers is simply a turnoff for many men. Many are just opting out of the kind of psychological warfare that is common in relationships today, unwilling to engage in the minefield of mind games, which are usually executed in three ways. The first is the habitual belittling and denigration of men, in private or in front of friends, family or colleagues, for what is supposed to pass as humour. The second is letting a man know, casually of course, that other men are sexy, have better looks, more money, talent, or fame. The third, and perhaps the most destructive is being told over and over, “We don’t need no man. Men are obsolete.” I’ve lost count of how often I’ve heard this since adolescence. If you tell a man often enough that he is surplus to requirements, eventually he will stop expending his energy to convince you and himself otherwise. Men are rapidly waking up to this phenomenon of man-bashing, so much so that a disillusioned social movement has arisen with its own freshly-minted acronym: MGTOW, Men Going Their Own Way. Supported by websites and online forums, men are regrouping with a common cause, a sense of brotherhood, and finding their voices again. The essential precepts of MGTOW are financial independence, rejection of chivalry, social preconceptions of what a man should be, and consumer culture which defines masculinity by a man’s house, car, clothes, watch, or cologne. It is the refusal to be shamed into conventional compliance by being told to “man up.” Many aggrieved MGTOW refuse to marry or even date Western women, the more ardent among them consciously choosing non-committal relationships, strippers, pornography, or celibacy. Above all, goes the MGTOW mantra, maintain sovereignty of self. I have been dating for more than 35 years, and back in the 1980s, a man was expected to pay for the movie tickets, dinner, flowers, chocolate, the diamond ring, the house. In each subsequent decade these social conventions have slowly eroded, yet to a greater or lesser extent still remain. Long-held social biases, like the wage gap for example, take time to bring to full equality. It is important to recognize, however, that equality is a two-way street. It is abundantly clear that many men and women are struggling to walk along that street in close proximity, let alone hand in hand. Why? Because for a century we have been digging up and bulldozing said street. Now, it’s full of potholes, power struggles, and barely fit to travel. Yet travel it we must. The original message of equality has been somewhat skewed. Women often recycle the poorly thought-out doctrine that they are the same as men. Equality is not always sameness, and sameness is not always equality. For example, women have equal opportunity to go to war and fight side by side with men, but the physical standards to allow them to do so are not the same. And this can be seen across a whole spectrum of professions, from firefighters to ballet dancers. Equality is not always sameness. Difference is diversity, and should be a cause for celebration, not dogmatic elimination. Men are often told (but, again, not asked) they are afraid of strong independent women. Many men, tired of such futile debates and wary of being branded a misogynist if they dare to disagree, are simply shutting down and becoming emotionally unavailable to women, taking permanent residence in their man-caves. The truth is, men love strong and independent women—it turns them on, in every way. What men don’t love are the predominantly masculine traits that often go along with the package. The relentless competitiveness (necessary in the workplace no doubt, but hardly necessary at home in a loving relationship), the verbal aggression, the emotional manipulation, and the psychological controlling are huge turn-offs. Increasingly, men are just not interested in competing at work and then having to come home and compete with their partners. In the sphere of heterosexual relationships, most women are not attracted to emasculated feminine men, which is fair enough. By the same token, most men are not attracted to masculine, domineering women. So, these are some of the general and specific issues creating man-deserts, from the perspective of good men. But what solutions are there? Waking up to our social conditioning is a good place to start. Many women are beginning to reject the modern brand of feminism, the so called third-wave that is tantamount to thinly veiled misandry. Equally many men, for two or three generations now, are rejecting the attitude that a woman is some kind of second class citizen. We clearly have work to do on both sides. Letting go of these destructive modes of thought, communication, and behaviour is an essential process for healthier and happier relationships between men and women. However, denying these issues will in no way change the interpersonal landscape for the better, and women will continue to ask, “Where have all the good men gone?” while wandering an ever-expanding and barren man-desert. So, where have all the good men gone? For now they have gone their own way. But they are out there, in the same desert, contentedly swimming in the oases they have found for themselves, no doubt waiting for the fourth-wave of feminism to wash over them so we can all truly embrace equality, just like the first-wave promised.
 Learning To Make The Choices You Can Live With Your Choices Today Become The Past You Have To Share Tomorrow By Frank Kermit Young adults tend to discount how the choices they make today will impact their futures tomorrow. At least, when it comes to relationships. The best example of this is the young adults who are swayed to enter into the world of the sex trade. These 18-23 year olds are convinced that what they do today just to make enough money to get by will not be something that affects their futures. Sometimes it is people within the industries that try to convince potential porn stars and exotic dancers how no one will ever recognize their faces in the future. Sometimes it is the young adults themselves who rationalize that since they do not have any aspirations to form a public career that the chances of this being used against them are nil. However, that is simply not the case. Stories of former porn stars losing their jobs as high school teachers are real. When their past catches up with them in the hands of underage students who have passed around sex videos of the teacher through their phones, there is very little a teacher can do. Even when the former porn stars in question are ready to handle the ordeal of having every one of those students knowing such intimate images of the teacher, it may not matter. The school administration and sometimes the parents of the students as well, may demand that the teacher be fired anyway. Stories of former exotic dancers or escort service providers, running into past clients at boardroom meetings are real. Does it matter that a university student put themselves through school with sex trade work and independently earned that entry-level executive position? To some it may not matter at all. To others, it could matter a great deal, and enough so that it could be an obstacle on a personal career path. The best advice anyone can give to a young adult is to remind him or her that even if they have no interest in a career that could be affect by their choices today, or even if they do not plan to be parents, over the course of a lifetime, things can change very dramatically. No one can predict exactly how things are going to change and turn out. As a young adult, you may not really care about the consequences of your actions…but the older adult you become may feel differently about it. With all that said, I want to be fair ...and state that there actually are a number of sex trade workers that are more than happy doing what they are doing, do so proudly and are willing to admit it and accept the fact that this part of their lives will follow them forever. Those who have the best grasp of this are those that fully accept the consequences of their past (and possible present) career choices. That means that they acknowledge the good elements (the hours, the pay) and are forthright about the bad elements (bad clients, discrimination, possible unsafe working conditions). An insider on the porno industry once told me that many of the flight-by-night starlets that disappear after a handful of appearances end up living very normal quiet lives as married soccer moms. They also live with the fear that someone who knows them may find their obscure videos, recognize them, and threaten their new life with it. If you have a past that might threaten your future, the best things you can do about it is be honest with your future long-term partner and check out if they also can accept it, and handle the potential consequences. If you are getting into a serious relationship with someone, to the point where you are thinking about getting married, then you must consider putting your fiancé through the ultimate test before he or she becomes your spouse. Think of your deepest, darkest, most horrible thing that you did in your past that you make it a point not to tell anyone. If you think that sharing that experience would cause your fiancé not to marry you then you have a choice. Take the chance and tell them anyway knowing you might lose your relationship, or do not get married and end the relationship altogether. The truth about all our pasts has a funny way of surfacing, and at the worst possible times. At some point it is very likely that your future spouse is going to be made aware of elements from your past. The best thing you can do is prepare your spouse-to-be with whatever it is that someone might try to use against you and your family. It is better your future spouse hears it from you before it becomes an issue that could threaten your future children. Whether it is bullies in the schoolyard that taunt your kids with proof of your past, or extortionists who would seek to blackmail you by threatening to reveal your scary secret, being honest with your soon-to-be spouse is the best way to build a foundation for a relationship that will withstand any outside force that attempts to destroy you. Frank Kermit ***************** P.S. Do you Agree With This Article? Disagree? Have something to Add? Write your thoughts in the comments below and share this article to see how many of your friends think like you.  Coaching To Learn To Make The Choices You Can Live With  Yes For Sex Education Because Ignorance is NOT Protection Ignorance is NOT a form of Protection Sex Education in Schools is a MUST By Frank Kermit The following represents my opinion on the topic of sex education in elementary and high schools in general. A question that I get a lot from my clients when coaching is, “Why don’t they teach about relationships in school?” Many of my clients are in their 20s, 30s and even 40s, and struggle with basic fundamental principles about how to relate to other human beings through romantic intention relationships. The reason I give them, is that if they were to teach relationship skills in the classroom, they would then also have to teach about S-E-X because sex is part of having relationships. Unfortunately, the topic of sex education in schools pushes a lot of people’s buttons, such that the only thing most education systems and parents want taught is abstinence, if anything about sex is taught at all. Teaching abstinence, when some of the students are already sexual active and or are constantly bombarded with sexual influences including media, images, pop entertainment, and email links to porn sites does not prepare young adults to be able to cope with sex and relationships. Why do we need relationship and sex education now, when we did not seemingly need it before? Actually, we have always needed it. It is just that society has now changed in ways that make relationship and sex education a “must have.” Once upon a time there were social norms that dictated what each person was expected to do, and what roles people were brought up to perform based on their gender. Social norms simply told people what they could and could not do, if they were too seek out careers, hunt, provide, tend to the children, manage the home life, and what was expected of everyone sexually, including when sex was to occur, with whom, and under what conditions it was considered righteous. Today, those social norms have been removed. People have CHOICE. The power to choose: who they partner with, what gender to partner with, how many to partner with over the course of their lives, if they want to terminate a partnership, and if they even choose not to enter partnerships at all. Nowadays, people even have a choice if they want to live as, or transform their bodies into, a gender opposite the one they were born into. Concepts like “’til death do us part”, the natural expectation of producing children and gender roles have been affected by legal divorce, birth control and human rights. Today’s singles and couples have unlimited choice as to how they can manage their relationships and sex lives, but as I teach it: The Power of Choice: without the knowledgeable skills to know what to do with that power, can lead to a misery so great, it can sometimes be worse than living in a system of oppression that meets human beings basic needs. There was a time when ignorance was considered a form a protection. Some elderly adults I have spoken too talk about when they where children how discussions on the topics of puberty and menstruation cycle were never mentioned; At least not until AFTER a young lady had her first period. By then the poor girl had to be reassured she was experiencing a normal process, even though the young lady was traumatized by the site of her own blood without a previous explanation of why it was happening to her. The question remains: Who exactly was being protected? 1-The children kept ignorant of their own bodily processes? 2-Or was it the parents and authority figures that were perhaps too embarrassed, ashamed, or fearful of what having those kinds of “talks” would represent? Pretending that sex does not exist, nor not teaching children what sex is, will not in any way protect them from the potential threat of sexual abuse or online predators. It is not just children that need relationship and sex education. Studies show that 10% of all newly diagnosed AIDS cases in the USA are in heterosexual women over the age of 50. Yes, they too are at as much risk of sexually transmitted infections as anyone else. Ignorance about sex and relationships is not a form of protection. In the opinion of this author, it never was. However, ignorance has always been proven to be a key element in what perpetrators seek to identify in their potential victims. There is nothing endearing in keeping our people, young and old, naive about sexuality. In fact, you are potentially sentencing them into the clutches of those individuals that would happily take advantage of it, or have them engage with others who are just as ignorant. When my coaching clients ask, “Do you think that status of relationship and sex education will change?” all I can say is, “I hope so.” Frank Kermit  5 Financial Tips for Starting a Family 5 Financial Tips for Starting a Family By: Daniel Enayatzadeh Are you thinking of starting a family? If you and your partner are exploring the possibility of having children, it’s important to prepare for the financial impact your new little one will bring! The following are a few key points to keep in mind: 1. Maternal and parental benefits: In my experience, the very first decision couples tackle with is how they're going to adjust their lives and schedules to accommodate the new addition to their family. In some cases, the income they’ve been accustomed to may decrease, please see my points #2 and #3 for more. Gaining a solid understanding of the Quebec maternal and parental insurance plan is the first step in a plan for the future. Please see the following link which includes a benefits calculator. It can provide a good idea as to how much money you can expect to receive. http://www.rqap.gouv.qc.ca/ 2. Understanding your budget: Whether or not you’ve been following a detailed budget, you can pretty much throw it out the window! Just joking! Hold onto it because you will likely need to adjust it. Have a sit down with your partner and determine what your pre and post baby costs are. This is an important step in creating a game plan, as well as knowing what you can expect, especially when your incomes may experience a temporary adjustment. 3. Emergency fund: Children come with all kinds of unexpected expenses. Setting aside some cash, that’s not invested anywhere and available at a moment’s notice will provide you with the peace of mind to tackle the unexpected. 4. Tackle your credit card debt: You can also consider speaking to your bank or a mortgage broker about consolidating your loans. 5. Talk to a friend: Before you go on a shopping spree for all those baby accessories and items, talk to a friend who’s been through it and ideally bring them with you shopping. It can help narrow down the necessities. Last but certainly not least, book a meeting with your financial advisor! -Daniel Author Bio: Daniel Enayatzadeh is a Financial Security Advisor servicing the province of Quebec and Ontario; representing more than 20 financial institutions. He works in two main areas:
He listens to each of your financial objectives and ask the right questions to accurately determine your individual needs. He truly loves what he does. He enjoys meeting with people and helping them navigate the intricate worlds of insurance and investments. He takes the trust and confidence that his clients' have given him very seriously and he always strive to maintain an open flow of communication. Daniel's clients have come to appreciate an exceptionally high level of service. His reputation is based on the long term relationships he has established and maintained. Daniel hopes to have the opportunity to build one with you! He can be reached at Telephone: 514 966 9400 Email: [email protected] His website is http://www.thefinancialadvisor.ca/ The Importance of Keeping Your Word by Frank Kermit It can happen sometimes where you make a promise that you did not realize you would not be able to keep. We are human beings, and when that happens, it can be embarrassing.
The cost of this kind of immature action is: The Loss Of Your Credibility
Quality people do not have time in their lives for people that lack credibility.
If you want to be a Good Person then start by being Good at keeping your word. If you don't want someone to label you, be sure you aren't acting in a way that makes then need to in the first place.  Oh the Guilt! - Sex and the City by Pillow Talk Girl Oh The Guilt...Sex and the City Season 6 Written by: Pillow Talk Gal It’s one of the most challenging things any mother (single or not) has to learn to cope with: How to balance motherhood/family life and a career. For nine months we go through pregnancy, coping with our ever changing bodies, preparing for the day when baby will arrive. We setup the room; making sure we have every detail taken care of (baby clothes, toys, strollers, car seats, etc...). Before you know it the day has arrived and you are happier than you ever thought possible. You bring your new bundle of joy home and you learn what being a mom entails (little to no sleep, what seems like endless diaper changes and cleaning clothes, bottles and other baby related paraphernalia). Eventually you get the hang of the whole baby thing (schedule and otherwise) and you’ve hit your stride. You have it all together. You feel like you have this baby thing under control and you are the super hero of moms (at the very least a side kick). Then the day you’ve been dreading more than the labour pains, hits. You have to go back to your job. Suddenly, you have to trade in your mom card and go back to being ‘’professional’’ you. You hand in your diaper genie and get an upgrade to a briefcase. It feels weird, unnatural and somehow all wrong! In season 6 of Sex and the City (episode 6- Hop, Skip and a Jump) Miranda is facing just such a challenge. She has been back to work for a little while now and has acquired help from her trusted house keeper, Magda, to look after her infant son Brady. One morning, Miranda is running late for work when Magda arrives at the apartment to start her day. As all working mothers must do, Miranda relinquishes care of Brady to the help and sets off on her day to work. As she is leaving, Brady begins to howl at seeing his mama leave his sight. Although she knows she loves her job, Miranda is riddled with guilt at leaving her baby boy. None the less, she sets of on her long day of work. Later that day, Miranda is summoned to a meeting (for which she believes involves a case she has been working tirelessly on for her law firm). She arrives in a bit of a rush and immediately begins to give the partners of the firm her assessment of how her case is going. They quickly interrupt her, informing her that the meeting is with regards to her work performance and not her cases. They mention that they have noticed her missing time, being late for meetings and leaving early on certain occasions. Miranda, being the ultimate professional she is, makes no excuses for herself and states that those issues will no longer be a problem. She also takes the time to mention (you know, casually in passing) that as a lawyer, her performance has been unflawed but as a mother she felt like a failure. She gracefully leaves the room, and takes the time to remind the partners that when her mother passed, she happened to be at work the following Monday (only having missed 1 day). That evening, Miranda rushes home in the hopes of being able to spend some quality time with Brady. As she arrives home, she proclaims ‘’I’m here, I’m here!’’ to Magda, but to her disappointment Miranda discovers that Brady has been in bed for the past hour. She is so disappointed not only to find out that she missed spending time with her son, but also at herself. She feels like a failure as a parent! Why is it so difficult being a working mother? It’s such a struggle to be successful at both. The more time we spend being good at one, the more time we end up feeling like a failure at the other. Is there a happy medium? The business world places so much emphasis on being successful at our careers and there is so much pressure to perform. On the other hand, choosing to spend time and invest in our children is seen as slacking off. When a working mom needs to leave work because their child is sick, it is often met with scorn and disapproval (from colleagues and superiors a like). If there happens to be an occasion where a mother needs a day off to attend an event for their child, they are often either denied this opportunity, or are forced to lie about the reasons they need the day off (for example ‘’my car broke down’’, ‘’I was robbed’’, you get the idea). The business world invests millions of dollars everyday into a multitude of business ventures, so how is it they don’t put the same value on investing into children, who essentially are our future leaders. Why does society shun stay at home moms instead of praising them for raising well rounded kids? It would be nice to have an equal balance of both worlds (family and career) so that working women could avoid the feeling of failure all together and just feel fulfilled, all the while enjoying success both in and outside of the family unit. About Pillow Talk Gal Born and raised in British Columbia, she is a professional woman managing a career, marriage, and a teenager. Life can be challenging at times but she's a firm believer that everything in life happens for a reason, and more often than not, she tries to understand those reasons. "Join me in my journey throughout life’s issues and I guarantee you’ll be left pondering an issue or two." - Pillow Talk Gal To read Pillow Talk Gal's last post, click HERE *Disclaimer: Sex and the City was produced by HBO and all rights, titles and interests in any images or clips, used herein under Fair Use and Fair Copying, remain the property of the author. P.S. Do you Agree With This Article? Disagree? Have something to Add? Write your thoughts in the comments below and share this article to see how many of your friends think like you.  Sign Up For Frank Coaching Now  The Power of the Yoga Community and the Drive-By Divorce The Power of the Yoga Community and the Drive-By Divorce By Carrie Joyner The main idea when I created my yoga and fitness studio was to build a community of like-minded people; people who loved yoga, people who wanted to get healthy and fit and strong…mind, body and soul. I had no idea how important this community would become to me until about 2 weeks after opening the doors and had just experienced a drive by divorce. If you have ever started or owned a business, you probably know how stressful it is. You bet it all on red, dedicate months or years (in my case it took about 2 years of planning, financing and finding the perfect location, location, location) to even get to the point where you could actually consider it being “in business”. Add on to that the end of a marriage that involved a 4 year old son, and it was a recipe for disaster. So what is a drive-by divorce? It’s getting a text from your husband asking you to come outside at lunch time. I told him to just come into the studio, I had a pole dancing class going on and wanted to make sure all went well. Then it’s getting another text saying “please, it’s really important…”, so I went outside. I was greeted by the black Mercedes SUV, opened the door, got in and found my now ex-husband staring at me with red eyes and tear stains on his custom fit Armani suit. He didn’t say much as he drove literally to the other end of the parking lot, where he parked the car and looked at me and said “You aren’t in love with me anymore, and I am not in love with you…we are getting a divorce.” Simple as that. The conversation was a bit of a blur. I remember it not being a conversation, more of a speech. I asked him what his next move was, and he said it was to go home and get his stuff. He was moving into a near-by hotel, it’s just over. My only concern at this point was not me, but our son. I said “What about Shane? What do we tell Shane?” “Nothing”, he said, “tell him I am on a business trip until I figure it out.” I got in my jeep and drove far, far away- not wanting my clients or staff to see me crying. I headed to my best friends house on auto-pilot. She wasn’t there, so I headed back to the studio and did a few more hours of work like a robot. I couldn’t think, move, feel….breathe. It was a sucker punch to the heart. I thought things were getting better, he said they were. Apparently not. The next few days were a blur. I was in shock but trying to act like things were normal for my son, who was totally out of the loop. Every morning I woke up, took my son to daycare, went to the studio and tried to get through the day. Working on and at the studio proved to be the perfect distraction. I was an open door kind of girl, and anyone- staff, client, teacher, etc. knew that they could always pop in and say hi or talk to me. This revolving door of mostly females became my tribe. Literally. I would tell them what was going on if they had the intuition or inclination to ask, and I would repeat the story a million times over. Not only did I find women who had been through the same or a similar situation and even some men, but I found a sounding board and it became like therapy to me. Between emotionally fuelled lawyer visits to trying to be zen and teaching my yoga classes, my studio became more than a studio. It became my happy place. When we were under construction, I wanted a big executive office in the back room with cameras and an intercom-but I ended up putting my tiny desk in a tiny closet right off the lounge and reception area, so I actually sacrificed luxury for the benefit of hearing every conversation, every client at the desk and being 10 feet away from my staff at any given time. Which leads me to Merissa. I heard a woman freaking out at the desk about a canceled Pilates class. We used Mind Body software, which allowed us to see who had registered for what class, so if there was a cancellation for whatever reason, we could contact them to notify them of the cancellation. She did not register, but showed up at the “regular” time and was livid that the class had been cancelled. I think the teacher was sick and we couldn’t find a sub. Whatever the case was, I decided to go out and talk to her. I asked her if she wanted some tea. We sat in the lounge and sipped on tea as she vented about how far she’d come expecting to do her class and go home and make dinner. I apologized, things happen sometimes that are out of control. I guess she saw that I wasn’t my normal bubbly self and asked if I was alright. I said no, not really. I was a little overwhelmed with what had happened. I explained what I was going through and in the blink of an eye she went from an angry client to a person with the best words of advice I have yet to hear. She told me about one of her best friends who had been married to a pilot, and he did the same thing. In this case, there was another woman involved. What she told me next wouldn’t change my life, but it did change my outlook on everything. She said “the best thing you can do right now is take care of yourself and your son. Get yourself into the best physical shape you have ever been in, focus on being happy and spoiling yourself. Don’t do this to make him feel bad, do it to make you feel amazing and not sit there thinking about the why’s and the poor me’s.” This did not make everything better. It did not change the situation or my grieving process. But after Merissa, I talked to literally hundreds of women, of every age, who had similar stories. I stopped feeling like I was the only person this had ever happened to. I started to let go of the blame and anger and I started to feel really, really connected to every person who walked through my doors. We all have a story. We do. Once we learn to embrace the fact that everyone is going through, has gone through, or will go through a life altering struggle- we become one. That community that I started building became my pillar of strength in a trying time. They say everything happens for a reason. I believe it. -Carrie Joyner P.S. Do you Agree With This Article? Disagree? Have something to Add? Write your thoughts in the comments below and share this article to see how many of your friends think like you.  Towards Polyamory? A Personal and Unfinished Journey Towards Polyamory? A Personal And Unfinished Journey By Ken Polyamory is a new term and concept for me. It has arisen in my consciousness as the result of an ongoing search for meaning in my life, and as a term that represents a new way of looking at relationships, commitment, fidelity, sexual freedom and personal values. For me it encompasses feelings of fear and insecurity, but also feelings of belonging, connectedness and liberation from old patterns and stifling conventionalities. I am thinking about polyamory, among a number of relationship options, as a viable and possibly joyful form of intimate engagement with others. First, a bit of background. I am a 64 year old gay man. I came out in my late 40s – a late bloomer by any definition. I had a good (sometimes very good) 27 year marriage with a loving woman, and together we raised two daughters. However (and I suppose this is “a tale as old as time”, as the song goes) there were increasingly protracted periods of depression and frustration as it became clearer to me that this identity was untenable, and I left my marriage. I set out on a new path. In the meantime, I retired and moved from Saskatchewan to my place of birth, Nova Scotia. Of course, leaving my identity in Saskatchewan as a heterosexual family man, as a worker and more recently as a member of a GLBTQ community, had its challenges and adaptations, but today I am in an almost 4 year relationship with a loving man. However, there are still stirrings of discontent and frustration. I am still on a journey of discovery, unpeeling layers of personal history - genetics, upbringing, the aging process - and within that context attempting to carve out a life that represents who I am. Who, in fact, am I, and what do I want? My partner and I introduced the idea of non-monogamy into our conversation about two years ago. In those two years we have experimented, including others in our sexual lives, both separately and as a couple. My partner wanted the experience of variety, and I wanted to find a less rigid and conventional means of expressing my sexuality. We have stopped and started this process a couple of times, due primarily to my discomfort. We have very different views about sex. For my partner, sex is sex, a recreational activity whose goal is mutual pleasure. Nothing more. It does not involve emotion or any level of commitment (other than the potential for FWB: Friends-with-benefits). For me, sex is about connection and belonging, intimacy and meaning. Sex is about love and friendship and commitment. So we come to polyamory, the concept of experiencing more than one intimate partner, of sharing lives in a deep and meaningful way with multiple participants, and of enlarging and engaging with one’s notion of relationship. For me this is a fraught process. The very idea of engaging intimately with someone other than one’s partner, and other than in fantasy, has been utterly foreign to me. The process of expanding my sexual contacts has pushed so many buttons – insecurity, confidence, value judgements, fear, anxiety, aging and sexual performance, abandonment, aloneness, jealousy, social censure. On the other hand, I firmly believe that we should never expect one person to satisfy all our needs – a huge responsibility to place on another’s shoulders, and an abrogation of our own responsibility for our own lives. This part of my personal journey, undertaken at a time when many people are questioning the meaning of their lives as they settle into old age, remains unfinished. In my worst moments, I feel a sense of extreme anxiety, and sadness and loss at the discarding of values and beliefs by which I was raised and to which I subscribed throughout my life. In my best moments I look forward with optimism and excitement to the expansion of possibilities in relationship and connection. Author Bio: Ken was born and raised in Nova Scotia, and after working in Western Canada for almost 30 years, retired and returned home to the Halifax area. He is a painter, gardener, reader and cat herder. Below are two youtube videos of interviews Frank Kermit was involved with regarding Polyamory
P.S. Do you Agree With This Article? Disagree? Have something to Add? Write your thoughts in the comments below and share this article to see how many of your friends think like you.  The Difference Between Jokes and Abuse In Raising A Child By Frank Kermit A joke is not a joke if it hurts someone. With April 1st (known as April Fools Day) upon us, it can be customary for some to play a prank on the people we care about, all in the name of harmless fun. However, in my practice I see a more sinister side of this day, and the premise that it is based on. When people use April Fools Day to justify a repeating behavior pattern of meanness and bullying, it is no joke. It is abuse plain and simple. The emotional damage that can occur when humor is used as a mask for abuse is serious. Ask any trauma counselor. I worked on programs with special populations (adults with autism and other developmental challenges), and also counsel trauma victims in my coaching practice. I see and deal with the damage done to people when just having fun at the expense of a human being goes without context. In most of those cases, the people having fun do NOT acknowledge that what they do is wrong, and are usually people who actually care (or are suppose to) about their targets. The worst is when those jokes are perpetuated on children, where most people first learn about the blurred connections between humor, jokes and harmful acts. Although children have a wonderful sense of playfulness that does not mean that children can distinguish the context of when a joke is a joke and when a joke can be harmful. A child laughs at cartoon characters kicking each other in the butt (just watch old Chip And Dale cartoons for an example). However, when a child mimics that same behaviors on his daycare classmates, it is not funny to the kids being kicked. Those innocent interpretations of children can grow up into emotional blocks for grown ups. "My mother regularly told me that I was a mistake as a joke", says the adult man who has trouble holding on to a job. "My brother used to call me fat as a joke all the time", says the adult woman who is dying from an eating disorder. Let us first start off with a major concept. Children are like sponges in the way they absorb information. There is no such thing as a time to play and then a time to learn. Children are ALWAYS in learning mode. If you were to consider thinking of playtime as merely a different mode of learning, you may start to get a grasp of just how important socialization is to the development and education of a child. This is one of the reasons why new educational endeavor seek to employ entertainment values in lesson planning. When children are exposed to abuse under the form of humor, it is just as much an education about how to relate to themselves and each other, as sitting in a classroom and following a prepared lesson by a teaching professional. Children who are the target of jokes may be learning something negative if the context of the joke is in anyway hurtful. If the teasing is coming from other children who have already set themselves up to be categorized as enemies, it may carry a certain message (i.e. the problem is the other children, not the child being targeted). However if the teasing is coming from the best friends or even family of the targeted child, the message could end up being that if the people who are suppose to love the child actually hate the child, then child is unlovable. This can be especially heinous when the teasing is actually tolerated or even encouraged by the people around the child who would normally be expected to protect the child. As I teach this in my program, THE ART OF CALIBRATION PROGRAM: FROM CREEPY TO CHARISMA EBOOK: A key component if you are struggling to decide if something would be a harmless joke or if something may constitute a form of abuse or mistreatment is to ask one question: Would the person who is being targeted be laughing at the joke being played on him or her? If the answer is yes, then it is all in fun. If the person who is being targeted is not finding it as funny as the prankster, then it is abuse. At the heart of this question, is the question of consent. Would the person you are playing the joke on consent to it? If there is consent, it is a shared experience. When there is no consent, the joke can cross the line and become an act of violence or abuse (even name calling is an act of verbal abuse). To make it even more abundantly clear, if you are unable to accurately predict if the person you are targeting would fully consent, then take that as a sign not to pull the joke. The absence of consent is what makes it abuse. One question I have been asked is whether or not it is alright to make fun of someone, or laugh at someone, provided the person would never find out about it. If a person does not know he or she is being made fun of, then no feelings can be hurt, and would that make it OK? The answer is no. It does not matter if the person being made fun of, laughed at, or having a prank played upon them does not know it. It is still wrong. To use a relational analogy, it is still cheating if you have promised fidelity to someone, regardless if the other partner never finds out. Whether it is making fun of the introverted neighbors down the street, a celebrity on the Internet, strangers on Youtube videos, or the shy kid in class that does not know how to defend herself, having fun at someone's expense, even if they do not know about it, still does not change the fact that it is a hurtful act you knowingly commit. So before you play a joke or prank on someone you love (or a stranger for that matter), just stop. Especially if the person is a child, or simply does not like being made fun of. There are many ways to share an experience with someone you care about, and better ways for you to show that you care than poking fun at them. April Fools Day is not an excuse to be a bully. Frank Kermit P.S. Do you Agree With This Article? Disagree? Have something to Add? Write your thoughts in the comments below and share this article to see how many of your friends think like you.  Support People With Mental Health Challenges Who Have Been Bullied  A Letter To My Son On His Ninth Birthday A Letter to My Son on his Ninth Birthday
By M.J. Di Rocco My son, Love is the faith from which everything starts. Love is what I chose to tell my stories about. Love, compassion and understanding. But I believe if you choose love, then choose it wholly and know that it's not always simple or clear. I've watched you grow for nine years and every single day that passes I am amazed at your beauty and brilliance. You give me hope. Your generation gives this sad, angry planet its best hope. Now, don't feel intimated, don't feel overwhelmed. Just remember that you are loved. No matter where you are in the world love exists, even if it is in the tiniest crack in the tiniest pebble, love exists and it will grow if you nurture it. Your father is a Canadian with Italian heritage, your mother is Japanese. We all live in Japan. I know that sometimes you have questions about your identity. Sometimes you're confused. And that's natural. Believe it or not, sometimes I'm confused too. Everyone gets confused from time to time. But, I know this: Love exists in confusion. Love exists in Japan, love exists Canada, in Italy. Love exists everywhere. And for all the differences of culture between Canada and Japan parents love their children. There is nothing so natural as a parent's love for their children. If you're anything like your father (and I get a feeling you are) you need to discover things on your own--that's your way of understanding the world, discovering things your own way at your own pace. And there is nothing wrong with that. Know, though, that I will always be there watching and ready to extend a hand if the fall is too high. Explore life, my son, explore this world, but do it with love in your heart. Everything you do, do with love in your heart. And the more love you show, the more love you see. You have questions about your mixed heritage, your background. I don't have any better answers than what you will discover for yourself. I really believe that, fundamentally, everyone is the same. We all need to love and need to be loved. We all need a purpose and love provides a purpose, even if it's painful and hopeless at times. Japanese, Canadian, Italian, we are all human. We are all capable of love and we are all beautiful. And remember that in your darkest moments: WE ARE ALL BEAUTIFUL and don't let the hurt challenge your love. Love is powerful. Love is humanity and we are all human. MJ Di Rocco is an author and filmmaker. He has produced and directed three feature films and a dozen music videos and has previously published one book of poetry. He lives in Japan where he stumbled upon teaching and has chosen to teach kindergarten and lecture at university. The Tale of Bunny The Frog is his first children's book and is a story about self-acceptance and accepting others. He can be reached at [email protected] Read M.J.'s previous article The Story Behind The Tale of Bunny The Frog Purchase M.J.'s Book The Tale of Bunny The Frog through: Amazon Canada Click To Buy The Tale of Bunny The Frog M. J. Di Rocco wrote the introduction to The Frank StoryTelling Program For Dating Workbook  The Best Way To Guarantee A Divorce Is... How to Guarantee A Divorce By Frank Kermit When wedding season is upon us, I get couples coming in for some pre-marital coaching. This process, usually in private couples coaching, but sometimes as a group class is to get couples to ask one another very important questions, the answers to which may even end their engagement. The goal is to build a rock solid foundation for the marriage so that when tough times trouble the couple, the couple has the best possible odds to stay strong and steady until the storm passes. One of the components that I teach in my coaching workbooks for men and women, "I'm A Man, That's My Job" and "I'm a Woman, It's My Time" in this process is the rule of putting a life partner ahead of your own extended family and friends. In dealing with couples on the verge of a break up or divorce, as well as, separated and divorced individuals who are starting over, a remarkably clear pattern became identifiable. One of the key components that the individual asking for the break listed as a primary reason for ending the relationship was a feeling that a partner put the wants and needs of extended family members and friends ahead of the needs of a spouse and even their children. It is important for new couples getting married to understand that the number one person in your life is your spouse:
If you end up in the middle of a conflict between having to choose what it best for your spouse or what is best for anyone else, you better choose your spouse if you want your marriage to survive as you must be able to trust in your spouse that your spouse would choose for you. In the most basic of terms, it is you and your spouse against the world. You come together in marriage to form a partnership to build a common future, a family unit, and to have each other's best interest in mind because it is expected that the two of you have already discussed and agreed upon achieving similar life goals. These conversations should have covered family planning, careers, retirement, lifestyle and coping with any known and potential obstacles to those plans as well as agreed upon sacrifices necessary to make all of those goals happen. If you haven't given any thought to these core goal oriented communications, you will be thinking about them while you are in the process of splitting up. Ironically, the very questions you are asking yourself about your partner during a divorce are the same one you both needed to talk about during your engagement. There is only one exception to this rule...if you already have young kids when you are getting married. At that point, your kids who rely on you and have no one else to depend on take priority over your new spouse. Your spouse is an adult that got to choose to be with you and must accept your priority to be a parent to your children. However your children did not have the choice of having you as a parent and you may be the only person your children have to give a damn about giving them a decent start to life. In the future I will write an article for child-free adults who date single parents and how to navigate realistic expectations of step-parenthood. Check Out The Benefits of Frank Coaching and Sign Up (Especially if you just got Engaged!) P.S. Do you Agree With This Article? Disagree? Have something to Add? Write your thoughts in the comments below and share this article to see how many of your friends think like you.  Sign up for Pre Marriage Coaching Now (it is WAY CHEAPER than a divorce attorney)  The Tale of Bunny The Frog The Story Behind The Tale of Bunny The Frog By M. J. Di Rocco Everything is white. The screeching noise envelops me in its cocoon of chaos. Pain. Noise. Chaos. My legs are convulsing uncontrollably. Shock. Faces come into focus through the veil of white. Through the noise I hear voices. I don't understand. What's happened? I don't understand. "This is ambulance," one voice says, finally something I understand. "Ambulance. We go hospital." Everything is still white. I still feel nothing except the convulsing of my legs. "Calm down," I keep repeating to myself. Calm down. I will my legs to stop, they don't. I'm moving now, they're carrying me. The white light is mixed with other colours, more voices. One saying something I recognize. "You're at the hospital. You have been in an accident. Do you remember?" I mutter something inaudible about my legs and how they won't stop. I am given a needle, I fall asleep. Blissful and quiet sleep. Waking up in the friendly confines of a Japanese hospital it all came back to me. I was hit by a car while cycling. My shoulder was dislocated and broken in several places, requiring surgery and, my lifelong souvenir from Japan, a titanium plate bolted to my left shoulder. When one is confined to the hospital and heavily medicated on painkillers one's brain seems to work on overtime. Once I was done annoying the young nurses with my lousy flirtations I began seriously think of my future. Of my son. Of my students. As a father and as a teacher for all the good I want to instill in kids, I always feel the world is stronger than me. Once upon a time, in my young, ambitious days, I was a filmmaker. I was bent on winning an Oscar and changing the medium of cinema forever. I was young, ambitious and stupid. I didn't necessarily make bad films, but my films didn't resonate the way I hoped they would because I made them for all the wrong reasons. I gave it a lot of thought while in the hospital. I got reacquainted with my soul. Certainly as we age, we come to terms with our mortality. We start to wonder what we've done and what's left for us to do. Was this me? A kindergarten teacher knocking on 40, with a couple of films nobody has seen to his name? Wow. What the hell happened? Life happened. Nothing bad, but not as I'd planned. Not even close. Then again, for whom does life happen exactly as planned? Taking a deeper look, life has not been bad to me. It's been a fun, unexpected adventure and it's not over yet. There is still so much for me to do, but now I know why I do things (I'm a little less stupid, you see) I do things for my son, for my students, for others. The only way my work and life have meaning is if I do it with the intention of helping others. I'd been toying with the idea of a children's book for some time. Being a kindergarten teacher I read a lot of books to kids. So many times, while reading books, I began to wonder what the heck the stories were about and thought to myself some of these books make no sense. I knew I could do better. Stories are an effective teaching tool when it comes to children. And I think a writer has a responsibility to the world's youngest minds. I knew the basic message I wanted to communicate, but really it caught fire after my accident. I felt an urgency to do better, to be better. Fast-forward two years:  The Tale of Bunny The Frog book cover The book is finally published and available globally. Not without a long quest to find the perfect artist to illustrate. My vision for this book was very specific and I feel it's been achieved. Purchase This Book through: Amazon Canada A tiny story, about a frog that tries to make himself look like a rabbit so he will be accepted by his new friends, has traveled a long road to publication. But it's a message that I feel is important to communicate to our youngest minds. Accept others; accept yourself, simple but sometimes difficult. I chose to write a book because some of the most precious and effective time I spend with children is through stories. Spend any given amount of time reading with a child and you'll discover how ready they are willing and to communicate after they've absorbed a good story. Children learn quickly and when you least expect it, stories are a big part of that.  The Tale of Bunny The Frog book cover I'm knocking on 40 years of life. I had planned to win several Oscars by now. How I ended up as a kindergarten teacher in Japan is irrelevant because it's what I am. It's who I am. My stories will never change the history of cinema. But my little story about the frog who wants to be a bunny did make my son smile, it made my students smile, it made children I've never met smile. It made them think, it made them feel, it made them learn. And I'd like to think that it made the world a teeny-tiny but better. For that I am grateful. I am blessed that I could share a moment with families. I'm grateful and blessed because I realized that life isn't about what I want, it's about how I can help others. The future, this planet, they belong to our children and we have an immense responsibility to them. They are the ones who will make the world a better place.  Reading The Tale of Bunny The Frog to kids Our kids don't care about how many likes we get on Facebook, how many followers we have on Instagram, how many calories we eat per day or who we voted for. Our kids care about us, simply being with us. They need us. And the world needs them. Read to them, share stories with them and watch as they grow to be spectacular. After all, the only meaningful thing we can leave behind is beautiful memories. MJ Di Rocco is an author and filmmaker. He has produced and directed three feature films and a dozen music videos and has previously published one book of poetry. He lives in Japan where he stumbled upon teaching and has chosen to teach kindergarten and lecture at university. The Tale of Bunny The Frog is his first children's book and is a story about self-acceptance and accepting others. He can be reached at [email protected] Click To Buy The Tale of Bunny The Frog M. J. Di Rocco wrote the introduction to The Frank StoryTelling Program For Dating Workbook This is a contributed post. So, Valentine's Day is just around the corner. If you are in a relationship, you are probably jumping for joy. If you're single, not so much! Valentine's Day is a contentious issue around the world these days, for many single and non-single people alike. A lot of people enjoy honoring the old traditions of Saint Valentine, whereas other people think it is just a way for stores to make money by selling gifts and cards. But whatever your opinion on the whole thing is, Valentine's is coming and you had better be prepared! If you are finding yourself without a partner this year, don't panic - Valentine's Day can still be fun! Here are some fun ways to join in the Valentine's festivities even when you're riding solo.  senior dating app https://c1.staticflickr.com/6/5652/22220980428_4da3e2c999_b.jpg Celebrate another couple's love We are all taught that Valentine's Day is all to do with celebrating the love between two people - one of those people being you, and the other being your significant other. But who makes these rules?! There's no reason at all why you can't celebrate the love of another couple this Valentine's, especially if you know a couple you really admire. This could be your best friend and his wife - maybe you have grown up with them and just want to show them how happy you are for them? Or, it could even be your own parents! Sending them a card telling them that you hope they enjoy Valentine's Day will really make their day and shows that you appreciate love between everyone!  tinder dating app http://i.vimeocdn.com/video/517192099_1280x720.jpg Find a last minute date If you really don't want to be alone on Valentine’s - even if it's just for that day only - you might want to try and find a last minute date. Most people will already be coupled up for Valentine's just a couple of weeks in advance, so it won't be easy. But, at least you should be able to tell fairly early on who is single and who isn't! The best way to find a date without relying on mutual friends is probably through dating apps, where you can state your intentions quite clearly (as can other people). Many apps are also free, so you don't need to spend a fortune just to find that special someone. Try making a list of your best tinder pick up lines and see if you can find yourself a date for the evening!  sitting on the dock of the bay https://pixabay.com/p-1846108/?no_redirect Celebrate with your other single friends
It's safe to say that most of your friends who are in relationships will be busy with their partner on Valentine's Day. But, what about all your other single mates? Arrange to go out for a meal together - sure, you'll be surrounded by intimate tables for two, but it will be a laugh! Or, get your buddies round at your place for the night and indulge in a few drinks and takeout food. You could even get out some old photos and reminisce about times you had together at school or college. Valentine's Day doesn't mean you need to be with a girlfriend - see it as a chance to catch up with ALL your loved ones.  Dating a Man With Kids, and Penguin Stuff Dating a Man With Kids, and Stuff About Penguins
By Avi Tanny "Sorry I'm really not looking for that level of commitment right now" This was a reply on one of the dating apps I was using (I was honest about being a father). I really liked what the person said. Honest and to the point. I decided to create some questions/criteria of my own for dating. To me there are four basic questions when it comes to dating: 1) What am I offering? 2) What is my date offering? 3) Do we have specific common interests? 4) Is it appropriate to throw pebbles when choosing a mate ( like penguins do)? Dating can be a real challenge when you are a single father, a young professional or a penguin. Did you know penguins throw pebbles at each other as a mating ritual? I'm not advocating pebble throwing but I think it is more effective then Tinder. I wonder which penguin came up with that idea? Couldn’t they have just pushed, shook wings or something? As a single father you have to think about the future and whom you want around your children. Has the person taken care of children on a regular basis? If she is a single mom, what happened in the relationship? Are you going to be able to take on the added responsibilities of raising other children? My problem is chronic tiredness (and male pattern baldness, but one thing at a time). When it's 7 pm I'm on a date and I already feel like dozing off that's not gonna impress anyone. However, if the person has been raising children for a few years they may be in a similar boat. Which is a specific common interest. Going on a breakfast date may solve that problem. However, unless they have poutine I'm not a breakfast person. The question I'm often asked is where do you see yourself in five years? Likely as a 35 year old adult male, probably with a bad haircut, overweight, and with terrible dad breath (I'm not sure why we didn't go on a second date). To me dating is really a drawn out interrogation. The best way around that is too make up some complete nonsense about yourself. For example, you are a direct descendant of AL Capone. Make sure to provide slight details. My great uncle was married to his mother ( not bad?) If the date fails at least you gave her a story to tell. The important part is to have fun and try to create a friendship, and if that fails, eat somewhere decent. I always try to avoid alcohol on a first date because alcohol often leads to children. Top trick : if the date isn't going well have a pre programmed code with the babysitter to bail you out. This is proven to work for me. In conclusion: At the end of the day it's about what makes you happy. You may go on many dates until you find the right person but make sure you have at least some common ground. Base your views on actually spending time with the person (and their children) before making any decisions. Perhaps you've been wasting so much time on dating apps you forgot that maybe you should be part of a community. Volunteer? Get together with old friends? Pretend to be vegan? Start a new religion? Life is good! Think of ways to make it better. I wouldn't recommend the pebble idea because do you really want a family the size of a penguin family? Have you ever seen only one penguin? I rest my case. The role of fathers is starting to change in a tremendous way. They even started recreating New Balance shoes to look less bland. Always look for the good in people and if you can't find it, observe penguins because penguins are pretty awesome. Please feel free to provide feedback and phone numbers. Very little offends me. Except plastic on furniture, toothpaste after orange juice and pineapples on pizza. Avi Tanny is a single father, occasional comedian, and full time hater of pineapples on pizza. You can reach him at [email protected] This is a contributed post. Starting a family and getting married can all come at you so fast. It’s a good thing to question whether you’re ready to make such a big commitment in your life. If you don’t question these things and whether now is the time for you to push ahead, you might make the wrong call for you. That’s the last thing you need, so don’t let it come to that. Instead, be honest with your partner and discuss the practical challenges that the pair of you are likely to face when starting a family and tying the knot. These practical areas of concern might not be romantic, but it’s the practical things that will hit you hardest later on. Timing First of all, you need to think about the timing of all this. Is now the right time for you to be starting a family and settling down with a partner who you aim to stay with for the rest of your life? Questioning that is nothing to be ashamed of; it’s perfectly natural. We all have to find our own way, and you don’t have an obligation to anyone if you’re not ready to do something yet. There are other ways in which timing should be considered too. For example, if you are entering middle age and you still want to have children, you will have to think about biology. Of course, there are things you can do to have children later in life now, but it’s something that is worth keeping in mind. You don’t want to regret things later.  country date night https://static.pexels.com/photos/40525/pexels-photo-40525.jpeg Financial Issues Money is a big part of any long-term relationship. You need to find a way to make it work financially for the both of you. And looking at how the balance of financial obligation is going to work between you is key. Talking about these things openly and frankly is always the best way to do things. That way, everyone will know where they stand. The other thing to think about is whether you should put a prenuptial agreement in place. Some solicitors or law firms can provide expert advice if that’s something you want to do. It will mean that if the marriage doesn’t turn out as planned, the finances will be clear and no one will have to argue over money. Finally, think about whether you have the money to start a family and maintain your lifestyle. Raising kids isn’t cheap.  gold coins https://static.pexels.com/photos/2116/money-gold-coins-finance.jpg Career Concerns Last but not least, you should think about how your family and marital plans fit in with your career. For many people, their jobs and careers are the most important things of all to them. And there is nothing at all wrong with that. But it can be challenging to keep your career on track while raising a family. It could be a better idea to wait until your career is in a more stable place before starting a family if you feel like you are stilling growing fast in your job. That way, your career will be less hectic when the times comes to have children and take on fatherly or motherly responsibilities for the first time.  corporate ladder meme https://cdn.pixabay.com/photo/2014/02/09/13/58/career-262793_960_720.jpg  Dating With Insecurities Battling Insecurities When Dating
By Frank Kermit Insecurities can be an obstacle in your dating life. The special challenge is that even if you find someone that you like, who happens to like you back, your own insecurities will more than likely sabotage every great potential relationship you find. Insecure people usually lack a certain confidence, and can be troubled by self-doubt about their own abilities, skills, and their own self-worth. People can feel insecure about a variety of things such as weight, height, attractiveness, facial features, disabilities, social status and even whether or not they are deserving of being treated well or of experiencing being loved. When your insecurities overwhelm your entire sense of self worth, it may be referred to as an inferiority complex, which can at times drive individuals to overcompensate to achieve extreme related success. For example, a person with an inferiority complex about his or her looks, could potentially go to extreme measures to be considered very attractive, such as people who starve themselves to unhealthy near death limits, or people who train hard to the point of injuring themselves. Insecurities can be rooted both from childhood experiences (for example, growing up with a feeling of unworthiness of love or attention from a parent), as well as, experiences from an adult's life (for example, a failure of some kind that became wrapped up in the adult's self identity). In my practice, what I see most often is that insecure people attempt to solve their insecurities by aiming to be as perfect as possible. This means not taking any action in dating waiting for the perfect time, waiting for the perfect partner, or waiting until he or she achieves some great accolade before being open to dating. Striving for perfection does not seem to alleviate insecurities. It actually exasperates the problem constantly leaving an individual feeling like he or she is not ever perfect enough to be loved. Full on acceptance of self is the best solution for insecurities. It is the complete opposite of the source of being insecure, and when a person fully accepts and loves him or her self, they also accept their insecurities as part of what makes them whole and unique. Once you reach a point where you do not fear abandonment, or fear being unwanted, and accept yourself for all the reason you think people could potentially reject you, that is when you give off the belief in yourself that attracts people. When you are OK with you, you teach others how to be OK with you. This does not mean that EVERYONE is going to flock to you. Fact is, even at your best, there will likely always be a percentage of the population that will not accept you. However, once you fully accept you, you may be surprised to find out that many other people (the majority in fact) will be more accepting of you as well, no matter what it was you originally felt insecure about. The aim is not to ignore the element at the heart of your insecurity, or to try to hide it from others. It means that others may also acknowledge the existence of what you were insecure about, and still accept you with it. One of the behaviors I always encourage in my clients to help them along the path to a stronger self-esteem and to build up self-acceptance is to stop judging other people. Treat people with compassion at all times. It is a learn-able skill just like any other. Avoid gossiping about people, making fun of anyone for any reason whatsoever (in person or online), and be accepting and tolerant of others, even if you do not like them. They do not have to conform to your own sense of appeal for you to accept them. You do not have to like a person, their look, or their lifestyle, in order to accept them and respect their rights as human beings; whatever flaws you may see in them. How openly or harshly you judge others are signs of how little or how much you compassionately accept yourself. Frank Kermit |
Categories
All
Archives
February 2026
ABOUT FRANKFrank Kermit NDG Encore Singing Chorus **** Every Friday Night 
Donate To The Tadpole Education Fund When You Want To THANK FRANK
TAKE CHARGE OF YOUR LIFE.
SIGN UP FOR COACHING NOW!
The Adult Male Virgin Program
LOSE YOUR VIRGINITY IN 90 DAYS!
YOU ARE NO LONGER A VIRGIN BUT YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO IN BED. GO FROM FORGOTTEN TO UNFORGETTABLE!
Coaching For Singles Looking For Love
BUILD YOUR CONFIDENCE!
BUY THE COACHING WORKBOOK FOR MEN TODAY!
THERE IS COACHING WORKBOOK FOR WOMEN. TAKE CHARGE OF YOUR LIFE TODAY!
BUY DATING AND RELATIONSHIP COACHING WITH FRANK KERMIT
DO YOU KNOW THE EMOTIONAL NEEDS OF WOMEN?
LEARN TO SPOT THE EMOTIONAL NEEDS OF WOMEN IN YOUR DAILY LIFE
DO YOU KNOW THE EMOTIONAL NEEDS OF MEN?
LEARN TO SPOT THE EMOTIONAL NEEDS OF MEN IN YOUR DAILY LIFE
Couples Coaching
AN EXPLORATION OF MONOGAMY & NON MONOGAMY LIFESTYLES
50 ARTICLES ON THE TOPICS OF LOVE, SEX, DATING AND RELATIONSHIPS
YOURS FREE WHEN YOU SIGN UP FOR THE E-NEWSLETTER
Coping With Loss Coaching
A FAST READ TO GET YOU OUT THERE AND DATING!
ONCE YOU GET THE DATE READ THIS TO KNOW WHAT TO SAY.
WHERE DO YOU GO ON YOUR DATES? READ THIS EASY GUIDE AND FIND SOMEWHERE NEW
MAKE A GREAT IMPRESSION WHEN YOU ARE SHORT ON TIME
Accountability Coach to help you reach your goals each day
STORYTELLING IS A SOCIAL SKILL YOU CAN LEARN.
A STEP BY STEP GUIDE TO BUILD AND MANAGE YOUR SOCIAL LIFE.
LEARN THE SOCIAL CUES YOU HAVE BEEN MISSING
LISTEN HOW TO DATE A YOUNGER WOMEN AND BEAT OUT YOUR YOUNGER MALE COMPETITION!
GET OUT OF THE FRIEND ZONE RIGHT NOW!
WHY IS SHE WITH A JERK?
IS SHE WORTH THE EFFORT YOU WANT TO MAKE TO STEAL HER FROM HIM?
FROM ALONE AND CONFUSED TO INTERNATIONAL RELATIONSHIP & DATING EXPERT
HOW TO USE EMOTIONAL NEEDS ANALYSIS TO MAKE MULTIPLE WOMEN FEEL UNIQUE AND SPECIAL IN AN HONEST WAY
LEARN THE ETHICS OF SEDUCTION FOR MEN AND WOMEN
FROM BORING BACHELOR PAD TO STYLISH AND SENSUAL. SIMPLE, EASY, STEPS TO TAKE TO TRANSFORM YOUR SPACE
HOW TO HAVE ALTERNATIVE RELATIONSHIPS IN AN NON-ALTERNATIVE SOCIETY
LEARN HOW TO BE SUCCESSFUL IN A MONOGAMOUS RELATIONSHIP
100 QUESTIONS THAT OTHERS WERE AFRAID TO ANSWER.
TODO LO QUE SALE DE SU BOCA ES UNA PRUEBA -EVERYTHING OUT OF HER MOUTH IS A TEST VERSION EN ESPAÑOL EBOOK
JE SUIS UN HOMME. C'EST MON JOB.- I'M A MAN THAT'S MY JOB VERSION FRANÇAISE EBOOK
PMC Media Production
Dr. Laurie Betito Quotes
|
RSS Feed
FRANK KERMIT MA
EXPERT RELATIONSHIP COACH INVENTOR OF THE EMOTIONAL NEEDS ANALYSIS SYSTEM |
25 YEARS OF EXPERT RELATIONSHIP COACHING ALL COACHING IS BY TELEPHONE or ZOOM INTERNATIONAL CLIENTS ARE WELCOME *INTERNATIONAL CLIENTS ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR LONG DISTANCE PHONE CHARGES, +1 Canada/USA* TELEPHONE: +1-514-680-3278 EMAIL: [email protected] PLEASE NOTE THAT ALL SALES ARE FINAL. NO REFUNDS OR EXCHANGES
|