FRANKTALKS.COM
  • Home
  • MUSIC
    • NDG - Encore! Singing Chorus
    • Members Area 0101
    • SONG WISH LIST
    • South Shore Saints Barbershop Chorus
    • Boxing Day Barbershop
    • HIRE A QUARTET >
      • Promote Your Quartet Here
  • HEALTH
    • OBESE RECOVERY
    • 12 STEPS OBESE RECOVERY
    • OBESE COACHING SERVICES >
      • FIRST HOUR FREE
      • COUPLES COACHING AFTER WEIGHT LOSS
      • PAY AS YOU GO COACHING
      • ACCOUNTABILITY COACHING For Weight Loss
      • RATES - OBESE RECOVERY
      • REVIEWS - HEALTH COACHING
  • LOVE
    • QUIZ - Need Coaching?
    • WHY HIRE FRANK?
    • AUDIO >
      • AUDIO BOOKS BY FRANK
    • BOOKS >
      • E-BOOKS BY FRANK
      • FRANÇAISE
      • ESPAÑOL
      • TADPOLE TALKS
      • AFFILIATES
      • OFF SITE AFFILIATES
    • COACHING SYSTEMS >
      • PER HOUR COACHING
      • DATING DEBRIEF
      • EMOTIONAL NEEDS SYSTEM
      • ADULT MALE VIRGINS SYSTEM
      • Single No More System
      • Couples Coaching System
      • Coping With Loss System
      • ACCOUNTABILITY COACHING
  • BLOG
  • CONTACT
    • GUEST SPEAKER, Celebrity & PEER REVIEW
    • MEDIA
    • THE BEST MEDIA APPEARANCE

I'll Tell You Where All The Good Men Have Gone

5/8/2017

0 Comments

 
nice guys finish last
I'll Tell You Where All The Good Men Have Gone by Arun Eden-Lewis

I'll Tell You Where All The Good Men Have Gone

by Arun Eden-Lewis



Search the words, “Where have all the good men gone?” and dozens of anecdotes, articles, blogs, and books will appear on your screen.


Overwhelmingly, this question is posed by women, discussed by women, and answered by women.

This, ironically, is an essential reason for these so called man-deserts—men are simply not being asked to contribute their opinions and perspectives. And the good men themselves are increasingly less likely to offer their point of view, for many reasons.
I do not seek to apportion blame here, on either side, but simply to address this question from the seldom-heard voice that is the object of the question itself: good men.
The last 100 years of suffragettes, feminists, and political correctness have challenged and continue to challenge thousands of years of patriarchy—and rightly so. Consequently, the roles of both men and women have been transformed and redefined.

While we struggle to adjust to the new and still evolving status quo, the war of the sexes has taken millions of casualties. In Western culture, divorce rates for first marriages range from 42 percent in the U.K. to 53 percent in the U.S. to a staggering 71 percent in Belgium. Subsequent marriages fare even worse. 

The spectre of divorce is another contributing factor in the conspicuously expanding man-deserts. Many men, having seen their fathers broken by divorce, fear the loss of their assets, their homes, and their children and are simply stacking their chips, choosing not to gamble, and checking out of the marriage casino.
​
Family courts invariably award primary custody to the mother, while the father is restricted to weekend access, supervised visits, or left to literally climb the walls of Buckingham Palace in a superhero costume to protest rights for dads. Men—will they ever grow up?

The ridicule and debasement of men in the media and mainstream culture is now pervasive. Watch a commercial, sitcom, or movie, and invariably an immature man-child or dumb dad is the butt of the joke—the hapless buffoon. Fortunately, these silly men are always saved from themselves by a smart, witty woman or a conscripted, eye-rolling child.

The emasculation of men has become normalized.
nice guys
https://tinyurl.com/lkpcewj
Sensibly, rather than have their balls cut off (sometimes literally, and that often gets a good laugh), men are running for cover in their droves, leaving women mystified and asking, “Where have all the good men gone?”

When I was in secondary school, perhaps 14 years old, there was a girl who patrolled the playground, egged on by her gang of girlfriends, kicking the boys between the legs. Clearly, she had been informed by someone this was the quickest, easiest, and funniest way to bring those stupid boys down to earth.
One day it was my turn. Caught by surprise, I crumpled to the ground after a swift kick to the balls, in too much agony even to cry out. Oh, how the girls laughed! Even then, I abhorred a bully.

The following day, I found my attacker in the playground and, contrary to my upbringing, without warning I kicked her swiftly between the legs. To everyone’s surprise she also crumpled to the ground, in too much agony to cry out. A crowd of cheering boys slapped me on the back—their new avenger.

The girls stared at me wide-eyed in shock—a boy who fought back? No one had told them that was allowed, surely it was against the rules! Equality: it’s a son of a gun.
I remember feeling no satisfaction or honour in defeating a weaker adversary but sometimes, especially in the case of a bully, personal satisfaction and honour is not the point—standing up to their aggression is. As I grew into a man—a good man—I learned to walk away from provocation, as most good men do.
​

Boys are stupid, throw rocks at them!” Remember the T-shirts launched in 2003? Followed by coffee mugs, posters, even a book.“Boys tell lies, poke them in the eyes!” Another favourite for young girls at the time. It took a fathers’ rights activist to have this merchandise removed from thousands of retail stores. Inevitably, he was ridiculed by a myopic majority.
throw rocks
https://tinyurl.com/mgm5jqh
Presently, in some areas of the U.K., 80 percent of primary schools have three male teachers or less, one quarter of primary schools have no male teachers at all, and some towns have 65 percent single mother families.

Man-deserts indeed.

A young boy can go to school and have no adult male role model, and then return home and have no adult male role models.

Young girls are achieving significantly higher academic standards than young boys. This feminisation of schools spills over into university, then the workplace, and eventually the home, completing the insipid cycle and the marginalization of both boys and men.

I was born in 1968. I grew up with a strong mother, four stronger sisters, and no father. I was taught, not only by my family but also by wider society, to regard women as my equal, and I always have. Yet, unknown to me, a generation of women were being indoctrinated and trained with a sharp-edged tool kit designed to emasculate men.
Men have been subjugating women for centuries; now, they’re getting payback. It seems only fair. The fox has turned on the hounds and she’s packing a punch, or a kick to the balls. But the nature of men when faced with a fight is to fight back, either psychologically or physically.

Clearly there are no winners in this scenario.

The relentless competitive struggle to determine who wears the trousers is simply a turnoff for many men. Many are just opting out of the kind of psychological warfare that is common in relationships today, unwilling to engage in the minefield of mind games, which are usually executed in three ways.

The first is the habitual belittling and denigration of men, in private or in front of friends, family or colleagues, for what is supposed to pass as humour. The second is letting a man know, casually of course, that other men are sexy, have better looks, more money, talent, or fame. The third, and perhaps the most destructive is being told over and over, “We don’t need no man. Men are obsolete.”

I’ve lost count of how often I’ve heard this since adolescence.


If you tell a man often enough that he is surplus to requirements, eventually he will stop expending his energy to convince you and himself otherwise.

Men are rapidly waking up to this phenomenon of man-bashing, so much so that a disillusioned social movement has arisen with its own freshly-minted acronym: MGTOW, Men Going Their Own Way.
Supported by websites and online forums, men are regrouping with a common cause, a sense of brotherhood, and finding their voices again.
The essential precepts of MGTOW are financial independence, rejection of chivalry, social preconceptions of what a man should be, and consumer culture which defines masculinity by a man’s house, car, clothes, watch, or cologne. It is the refusal to be shamed into conventional compliance by being told to “man up.”

Many aggrieved MGTOW refuse to marry or even date Western women, the more ardent among them consciously choosing non-committal relationships, strippers, pornography, or celibacy. Above all, goes the MGTOW mantra, maintain sovereignty of self.
I have been dating for more than 35 years, and back in the 1980s, a man was expected to pay for the movie tickets, dinner, flowers, chocolate, the diamond ring, the house. In each subsequent decade these social conventions have slowly eroded, yet to a greater or lesser extent still remain. Long-held social biases, like the wage gap for example, take time to bring to full equality.

It is important to recognize, however, that equality is a two-way street. It is abundantly clear that many men and women are struggling to walk along that street in close proximity, let alone hand in hand. Why? Because for a century we have been digging up and bulldozing said street. Now, it’s full of potholes, power struggles, and barely fit to travel. Yet travel it we must.

The original message of equality has been somewhat skewed. Women often recycle the poorly thought-out doctrine that they are the same as men. Equality is not always sameness, and sameness is not always equality.
For example, women have equal opportunity to go to war and fight side by side with men, but the physical standards to allow them to do so are not the same. And this can be seen across a whole spectrum of professions, from firefighters to ballet dancers.
​
Equality is not always sameness. Difference is diversity, and should be a cause for celebration, not dogmatic elimination.
​

Men are often told (but, again, not asked) they are afraid of strong independent women. Many men, tired of such futile debates and wary of being branded a misogynist if they dare to disagree, are simply shutting down and becoming emotionally unavailable to women, taking permanent residence in their man-caves.

The truth is, men love strong and independent women—it turns them on, in every way. What men don’t love are the predominantly masculine traits that often go along with the package. The relentless competitiveness (necessary in the workplace no doubt, but hardly necessary at home in a loving relationship), the verbal aggression, the emotional manipulation, and the psychological controlling are huge turn-offs.

Increasingly, men are just not interested in competing at work and then having to come home and compete with their partners. In the sphere of heterosexual relationships, most women are not attracted to emasculated feminine men, which is fair enough. By the same token, most men are not attracted to masculine, domineering women.

So, these are some of the general and specific issues creating man-deserts, from the perspective of good men.
But what solutions are there? Waking up to our social conditioning is a good place to start.

Many women are beginning to reject the modern brand of feminism, the so called third-wave that is tantamount to thinly veiled misandry. Equally many men, for two or three generations now, are rejecting the attitude that a woman is some kind of second class citizen.

We clearly have work to do on both sides.

Letting go of these destructive modes of thought, communication, and behaviour is an essential process for healthier and happier relationships between men and women.
However, denying these issues will in no way change the interpersonal landscape for the better, and women will continue to ask, “Where have all the good men gone?” while wandering an ever-expanding and barren man-desert.

So, where have all the good men gone?
For now they have gone their own way. But they are out there, in the same desert, contentedly swimming in the oases they have found for themselves, no doubt waiting for the fourth-wave of feminism to wash over them so we can all truly embrace equality, just like the first-wave promised.

Arun Eden-Lewis
Arun Eden-Lewis

Author

​Arun Eden-Lewis completed his first yoga teacher training in 2001 in the Sivananda style before going on to complete two more advanced teacher training courses with Godfrey Devereux in DynamicYoga. Arun has journeyed to India, Sri Lanka and Bali seeking the most valuable yoga knowledge from the most inspiring teachers in the world. He has practiced extensively in Ashtnga Vinysa and Iyengar Yoga. Drawing on all these strands, and many years of self-practice and teaching, Arun has developed the unique PrajYoga method, of which the ever inspiring 8 Indians sequence is an integral part.

He can be reached through his website:

White Island Retreat

0 Comments



Leave a Reply.

    RSS Feed

    Categories

    All
    Adult Male Virgins
    Break Up / Divorce
    Cheating / Infidelity
    Closure
    Coaching
    Communication
    Confidence
    Coping With Loss
    Date Night Recipes
    Dating
    Dating First Dates
    Dating Online Dating
    Dating Speed Dating
    Emotional Needs
    Engagement Proposal
    Français French
    Français - French
    Friends
    Health & Fitness
    Holidays
    In Memory Tribute
    Kink Fetish BDSM
    LGBTQ+
    Marriage
    Media / Podcasts
    Mental Health
    Monogamy
    Non Monogamy
    Obese Recovery
    Older Men
    Older Women
    Parenting
    Q&A Frank Advice
    Relationships
    Romance
    Seduction
    Sex
    Sex Work
    Single
    Swingers Lifestyle
    Testimonial
    Wedding
    ZZZ...

    Archives

    March 2025
    January 2025
    July 2024
    June 2024
    May 2024
    April 2024
    March 2024
    February 2024
    January 2024
    December 2023
    November 2023
    October 2023
    September 2023
    August 2023
    June 2023
    May 2023
    April 2023
    January 2023
    October 2022
    September 2022
    July 2022
    May 2022
    March 2022
    February 2022
    January 2022
    December 2021
    November 2021
    October 2021
    September 2021
    August 2021
    July 2021
    June 2021
    May 2021
    April 2021
    March 2021
    February 2021
    January 2021
    December 2020
    November 2020
    October 2020
    August 2020
    July 2020
    June 2020
    May 2020
    April 2020
    March 2020
    February 2020
    January 2020
    December 2019
    November 2019
    October 2019
    September 2019
    July 2019
    June 2019
    May 2019
    April 2019
    March 2019
    February 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016

    Picture

    ABOUT FRANK

    Frank Kermit

    NDG Encore Singing Chorus Administrator,

    Obese Recovery Coach

    Love Coach
    (~30 yrs experience)

    Author of over 20+ books of original content


    NDG Encore Singing Chorus
    ​

    ****


    Every Friday Night


    Thank Frank Kermit
    Donate To The Tadpole Education Fund When You Want To THANK FRANK
    Coaching with Frank Kermit
    TAKE CHARGE OF YOUR LIFE. SIGN UP FOR COACHING NOW!
    incel toronto
    The Adult Male Virgin Program
    THE ADULT MALE VIRGINS HANDBOOK BY FRANK KERMIT
    LOSE YOUR VIRGINITY IN 90 DAYS!
    NOW WHAT? UNIQUE WAYS TO CATER TO HER SEXUAL E.N.A BY FRANK KERMIT
    YOU ARE NO LONGER A VIRGIN BUT YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO IN BED. GO FROM FORGOTTEN TO UNFORGETTABLE!
    inceltears
    Coaching For Singles Looking For Love
    I'M A MAN THAT'S MY JOB WORKBOOK BY FRANK KERMIT
    BUILD YOUR CONFIDENCE! BUY THE COACHING WORKBOOK FOR MEN TODAY!
    I'M A WOMAN IT'S MY TIME WORKBOOK BY FRANK KERMIT
    THERE IS COACHING WORKBOOK FOR WOMEN. TAKE CHARGE OF YOUR LIFE TODAY!
     love coaching quotes
    BUY DATING AND RELATIONSHIP COACHING WITH FRANK KERMIT
    EVERYTHING OUT OF HER MOUTH IS A TEST BY FRANK KERMIT
    DO YOU KNOW THE EMOTIONAL NEEDS OF WOMEN?
    THE EMOTIONAL NEEDS ANALYSIS OF WOMEN WORKBOOK BY FRANK KERMIT
    LEARN TO SPOT THE EMOTIONAL NEEDS OF WOMEN IN YOUR DAILY LIFE
    MASTERING THE EMOTIONAL NEEDS OF MEN ALLY VS ENEMY BY FRANK KERMIT
    DO YOU KNOW THE EMOTIONAL NEEDS OF MEN?
    THE EMOTIONAL NEEDS ANALYSIS OF MEN WORKBOOK BY FRANK KERMIT
    LEARN TO SPOT THE EMOTIONAL NEEDS OF MEN IN YOUR DAILY LIFE
    couples counseling
    Couples Coaching
    MONOGAMY AND NON MONOGAMY EDITION VOLUME 3  BY FRANK KERMIT
    AN EXPLORATION OF MONOGAMY & NON MONOGAMY LIFESTYLES
    50 ARTICLES VOLUME 2 BY FRANK KERMIT
    50 ARTICLES ON THE TOPICS OF LOVE, SEX, DATING AND RELATIONSHIPS
    100 ARTICLES VOLUME 1 BY FRANK KERMIT
    YOURS FREE WHEN YOU SIGN UP FOR THE E-NEWSLETTER
    loss grief quotes
    Coping With Loss Coaching
    101 GREAT FIRST DATES 25 RULES FOR EVERYONE HOW TO ACT ON A FIRST DATE BY FRANK KERMIT
    A FAST READ TO GET YOU OUT THERE AND DATING!
    101 GREAT FIRST DATES WHAT TO SAY FRANK KERMIT
    ONCE YOU GET THE DATE READ THIS TO KNOW WHAT TO SAY.
    101 GREAT FIRST DATES WHERE TO GO BY FRANK KERMIT
    WHERE DO YOU GO ON YOUR DATES? READ THIS EASY GUIDE AND FIND SOMEWHERE NEW
    THE FRANK GUIDE TO SPEED DATING MAKE THE MOST OF YOUR MINUTES TOGETHER BY FRANK KERMIT
    MAKE A GREAT IMPRESSION WHEN YOU ARE SHORT ON TIME
    accountability coach app
    Accountability Coach to help you reach your goals each day
    THE FRANK STORYTELLING PROGRAM FOR DATING WORKBOOK BY FRANK KERMIT
    STORYTELLING IS A SOCIAL SKILL YOU CAN LEARN.
    HOW TO BUILD A SOCIAL CIRCLE NETWORK BY FRANK KERMIT
    A STEP BY STEP GUIDE TO BUILD AND MANAGE YOUR SOCIAL LIFE.
    THE ART OF CALIBRATION PROGRAM FROM CREEPY TO CHARISMA BY FRANK KERMIT
    LEARN THE SOCIAL CUES YOU HAVE BEEN MISSING
    DATING YOUNGER WOMEN A GUIDE FOR OLDER MEN BY FRANK KERMIT
    LISTEN HOW TO DATE A YOUNGER WOMEN AND BEAT OUT YOUR YOUNGER MALE COMPETITION!
    FROM FRIENDS TO LOVERS: STOP BEING HER EMOTIONAL COOKIE MAN BY FRANK KERMIT
    GET OUT OF THE FRIEND ZONE RIGHT NOW!
    HOW TO STEAL HER AWAY FROM A JERK BY FRANK KERMIT
    WHY IS SHE WITH A JERK? IS SHE WORTH THE EFFORT YOU WANT TO MAKE TO STEAL HER FROM HIM?
    FROM LOSER TO SEDUCER: THE AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF FRANK KERMIT BY FRANK KERMIT
    FROM ALONE AND CONFUSED TO INTERNATIONAL RELATIONSHIP & DATING EXPERT
    THE POWER OF CHOICE: HOW TO DATE MULTIPLE WOMEN HONESTLY
    HOW TO USE EMOTIONAL NEEDS ANALYSIS TO MAKE MULTIPLE WOMEN FEEL UNIQUE AND SPECIAL IN AN HONEST WAY
    HOW TO BE THE ETHICAL SEDUCER BY FRANK KERMIT
    LEARN THE ETHICS OF SEDUCTION FOR MEN AND WOMEN
    PIMPING YOUR PAD BY FRANK KERMIT
    FROM BORING BACHELOR PAD TO STYLISH AND SENSUAL. SIMPLE, EASY, STEPS TO TAKE TO TRANSFORM YOUR SPACE
    ALTERNATIVE RELATIONSHIP CHOICES NON-MONOGAMY BY FRANK KERMIT
    HOW TO HAVE ALTERNATIVE RELATIONSHIPS IN AN NON-ALTERNATIVE SOCIETY
    MAKING MONOGAMY WORK WHEN ONE IS ALL YOUR NEED BY FRANK KERMIT
    LEARN HOW TO BE SUCCESSFUL IN A MONOGAMOUS RELATIONSHIP
    SEX, LIES AND CONFUSION.  FRANK ADVICE FOR REAL LIFE BY FRANK KERMIT
    100 QUESTIONS THAT OTHERS WERE AFRAID TO ANSWER.
    FrankTalks.com
    TODO LO QUE SALE DE SU BOCA ES UNA PRUEBA -EVERYTHING OUT OF HER MOUTH IS A TEST VERSION EN ESPAÑOL EBOOK
    FrankTalks.com
    JE SUIS UN HOMME. C'EST MON JOB.- I'M A MAN THAT'S MY JOB VERSION FRANÇAISE EBOOK
    PMC Media Logo
    PMC Media Production

    Dr. Laurie Betito Quotes
    Franks Romance Formula
    in her new book The Sex Bible For People Over 50.

    Sex Bible book cover
    Sex Bible for 50
    NEW! The Sex Bible For People Over 50: The Complete Guide To Sexual Love For Mature Couples
    Match Maker Logo
    High End Match Making
    leonard irwin headshot
    Leonard Irwin - Medium
Frank Kermit of franktalks.com
FRANK KERMIT MA
EXPERT RELATIONSHIP COACH
​HELPING PEOPLE CONNECT

IN MONTREAL CALL FRANK
REST OF CANADA & USA CALL FRANK
franktalks.com logo

ALL COACHING IS BY TELEPHONE OR SKYPE ONLY

INTERNATIONAL CLIENTS  ARE WELCOME

*INTERNATIONAL CLIENTS ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR LONG DISTANCE PHONE CHARGES, +1 Canada/USA*

SKYPE IS PREFERRED.
IT'S FREE AND EASY TO USE FROM ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD


TELEPHONE: +1-514-680-3278

EMAIL: [email protected]
​

SKYPE: frank kermit
PLEASE NOTE THAT ALL SALES ARE FINAL. NO REFUNDS OR EXCHANGES
  • Home
  • MUSIC
    • NDG - Encore! Singing Chorus
    • Members Area 0101
    • SONG WISH LIST
    • South Shore Saints Barbershop Chorus
    • Boxing Day Barbershop
    • HIRE A QUARTET >
      • Promote Your Quartet Here
  • HEALTH
    • OBESE RECOVERY
    • 12 STEPS OBESE RECOVERY
    • OBESE COACHING SERVICES >
      • FIRST HOUR FREE
      • COUPLES COACHING AFTER WEIGHT LOSS
      • PAY AS YOU GO COACHING
      • ACCOUNTABILITY COACHING For Weight Loss
      • RATES - OBESE RECOVERY
      • REVIEWS - HEALTH COACHING
  • LOVE
    • QUIZ - Need Coaching?
    • WHY HIRE FRANK?
    • AUDIO >
      • AUDIO BOOKS BY FRANK
    • BOOKS >
      • E-BOOKS BY FRANK
      • FRANÇAISE
      • ESPAÑOL
      • TADPOLE TALKS
      • AFFILIATES
      • OFF SITE AFFILIATES
    • COACHING SYSTEMS >
      • PER HOUR COACHING
      • DATING DEBRIEF
      • EMOTIONAL NEEDS SYSTEM
      • ADULT MALE VIRGINS SYSTEM
      • Single No More System
      • Couples Coaching System
      • Coping With Loss System
      • ACCOUNTABILITY COACHING
  • BLOG
  • CONTACT
    • GUEST SPEAKER, Celebrity & PEER REVIEW
    • MEDIA
    • THE BEST MEDIA APPEARANCE