So Where Is This Going?
The What Are We Relationship Talk
By Frank Kermit
Mar 22, 2016, Updated on April 18, 2018
“So where is this going?” That is a question on the minds of many people who have started to date someone new and things are going well. However, it is also one of the most intimidating questions that people fear asking because they may not like the answer they are going to get, or they are afraid that it may turn off the other person.
If you are dating someone right now, and have been for some time, let’s use for example four weeks, it is perfectly OK to ask the person where this is going. Asking for clarity about where you stand with someone is normal and only an issue is you feel there is an issue in asking. More often than not, it is a person’s own discomfort with asking where they stand, rather than the question itself, that turns people off.
In truth, there is nothing wrong with someone only wanting to date you causally for a limited time, or wanting something more serious with you, or not knowing what they want at all.
Because the core of the question: “So where is this going?” has less to do with the other person and has more to do with you.
It is about what you want.
It does not matter if the other person only wants a casual fling or something exclusively serious. If what the other person wants is not compatible with what you want, then it is up to you to be the person to move on.
What I find very sad in my practice is the number of people that focus more on what someone else wants rather than focusing on going after what they want in dating.
First you have to know what you want, and communicate what you want from the other person. Set a timeline if need be, such as, we can date casually for 7 weeks but at that point we have to make a choice about whether or not we get exclusive. If the other person is not interested in what you want, better to find out sooner than later.
The worst thing anyone can do is wait for the other person to come around to his or her way of thinking. If what you want, and what someone else wants are not compatible, then move on to find someone new to date. The way to find out where you stand with the other person is to ask that person directly.
When you ask, make sure you ask in a manner that is about gathering information. There is no need for insults or name calling just because the person you are dating does not want the same things as you. There is no need for accusations and trying to guilt the person into changing his or her mind.
There are so many people that you can date in the world, and it is more than likely you will find someone that wants you the way you want him or her.
Settling out of fear is no way to build a foundation to anything long lasting.
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