Blog of Frank Kermit of Frank Talks

I Keep Getting Friend Zoned By Every Girl I Like; What Should I do?

3/28/2018

HOW TO GET OUT OF THE FRIEND ZONE

Frank Kermit Gives Frank Advice

Dear Readers,
Sometimes I answer questions on various sites online as I find them.
I occasionally post the question (edited) as my Frank Advice answer here on my blog.

Names have been changed to protect privacy.
(As much privacy as one can expect posting a question online using their real names).

The Question:

"I keep getting friend zoned by every girl I like, what should I do about it, what am I doing wrong?

How can you make your friends love you?"

- Friendzoned

Frank Advice Answer:

Dear Friendzoned,

As the author of the book From Friends To Lovers, Stop Being Her Emotional Cookie Man I am telling you that basically you are friends ONLY (aka Friendzoned) because you address only SOME of the emotional needs of the other person, BUT not enough.

By addressing SOME of the emotional needs you become a person they “Like” and want as just a friend. (Sometimes they really want to be good friends and other times they might try to use you and take advantage of your feelings).

Take a break from the other person and make some changes in the way you communicate. Your goal is to learn what the emotional needs are and what you have been doing until now that violated them to the point that your friend is not attracted to you in that way.

Attraction is not a choice. When you address the emotional needs in the way the person needs them addressed in order to respond with attraction, then attraction happens.

You have to see what you were doing that did not attract your friend, so that you can change that behavior and start to attract them.

I hope this helps.

-Frank because I have to be

RELATIONSHIP AND DATING COACHING WITH FRANK KERMIT

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La crédibilité engendre l’engagement

3/26/2018

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La crédibilité engendre l’engagement

Par Frank Kermit
Traduit par Anne-Marie Payette

Lorsque quelqu’un vient me rencontrer pour du mentorat afin de comprendre la raison pour laquelle ils(elles) sont toujours célibataires malgré qu’ils(elles) soient capables d’attirer un grand nombre de personnes à fréquenter, j’entame le mentorat avec l’analyse de ce qui se produit lors de ces rendez-vous afin de voir quelles actions et comportements pourraient éteindre des partenaires de vie potentiels.

La plupart des gens ne sont souvent pas au courant des choses qu’ils(elles) pourraient faire ou dire qui font en sorte que leur interlocuteur(trice) mettent un arrêt à tout engagement potentiel.

Un des comportements que je remarque fréquemment est la manière dont une personne manque de crédibilité de par la façon qu’ils(elles) communiquent, qui je crois est la raison pourquoi ils(elles) sont capables d’attirer plusieurs personnes à fréquenter, tout en étant incapables de créer d’engagement avec aucune d’entre elles.

Bien qu’il existe des gens épeurés par l’engagement (qui sabotent eux- mêmes toute possibilité de relation sérieuse à cause d’une peur profondément ancrée à l’effet qu’une relation engagée soit associée davantage à de la souffrance qu’au plaisir); ce qui n’est pas toujours le cas lorsqu’il s’agit de personnes qui DÉSIRENT être en relation engagée et qui associent le fait d’être célibataire à de la souffrance.

Un moyen simple d’expliquer de quelle manière quelqu’un puisse manquer de crédibilité est lorsque cette personne se fait prendre à enfreindre ses propres règles. Ça ne fait aucune importance de savoir de quelle règle il s’agit; ce qui compte c’est le fait d’enfreindre vos règles. Par exemple, si vous mentionnez que la famille est pour vous une règle importante, mais que vous êtes surpris(e) à essayer de vous défiler d’un rendez-vous parent-professeur(e), vous allez manquer de crédibilité.

Dans l’esprit de votre compagnon ou de votre compagne, si la famille était vraiment une valeur aussi importante que vous ne le prétendez, vous iriez volontier à la rencontre parent(s)-professeur(e) peu importe si ceci signifie d’y aller avec votre ex, simplement parce qu’il s’agit de vos enfants (votre famille). Vous manquez de crédibilité.

Si vous mentionnez que vous n’aimez pas le poisson lors d’un rendez-vous doux parce que vous avez l’impression que la personne avec qui vous êtes n’aime pas cela (simplement pour vous faire apprécier davantage), et si vous vous faites prendre à en commander dans un rendez-vous ultérieur (ne vous rappelant pas ce que vous avez dit à votre première rencontre), vous manquez de crédibilité. Dans l’esprit de votre partenaire, si vous êtes disposé(e) à mentir à propos de quelque chose d’insignifiant simplement pour être apprécié(e), vous allez probablement mentir à propos de quelque chose de plus important dans le futur pour éviter tout conflit potentiel que ceci pourrait occasionner.

Vous manquez de crédibilité.

Si vous indiquez à votre partenaire que vous n’avez pas de rapports sexuels à moins d’être dans une relation engagée, et que vous allez de l’avant et êtes intime avec cette personne avant qu’une relation engagée n’ait été établie, simplement parce que vous passez un bon moment, vous manquez de crédibilité.

Dans l’esprit de votre compagnon ou de votre compagne, si vous êtes disposé(e) à enfreindre vos règles simplement parce que ça vous tentait de le faire, comment votre partenaire est-il(elle) censé(e) avoir confiance en vos promesses, s’il existe une possibilité que vous les enfreigniez de nouveau quand bon vous semble.

Vous manquez ainsi de crédibilité. La crédibilité engendre l’engagement.

Le problème n’est pas tant que vous préfériez éviter tout contact avec ex, que vous ayez commandé du flétan ou que vous vous soyez engagé(e) dans des rapports sexuels plus tôt que tard simplement vous vous sentiez à l’aise.

Vous allez être jugé(e)s selon ce que vous dites (vos règles) par rapport à ce que vous faites (vos actions). Ce manque de congruence est ce qui fuir les gens qui ainsi ne tiennent pas à s’engager avec vous.

Pensez-y. Une relation sérieuse peut être aventure risquée. Une personne expose ses enfants (avoir un beau-parent indigne peut avoir un impact négatif sur la garde et la sécurité des enfants), leurs ressources financières (les pertes engendrées par un divorce), et même leur mode de vie (imaginez-vous perdre votre emploi parce que vous avez fait un mauvais choix de partenaire de vie).

Si quelqu’un est à la recherche d’une personne désirant aussi avoir une relation engagée, cet engagement doit être mérité. Avoir un manque de crédibilité parce que vous brisez vos propres règles détruit le désir d’engagement chez l’autre. La crédibilité engendre l’engagement.

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Frank Interviews Mark Cunningham

3/21/2018

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Back in 2006 -2007 Frank Kermit hosted a series of audio interviews that you can find on youtube as well as on the media page of the FrankTalks.com website. One of those interviews was with Mark Cunningham, self described renegade hypnotist who helps men with confidence, dating and relationships. Here is a transcription of the entire interview.

Frank Interview with Mark Cunningham

In part 1 of this six-part interview series Mark covers topics such as

    How he become a hypnotist
    Does hypnosis exist
    What is hypnosis
    The ‘scary’ elements of hypnosis

Transcript:
Mark Cunningham interview Part 1 of 6

Introduction: This program does not represent the views of this station, and may be considered offensive to some listeners. This program may contain mature subject matter including frank discussions of controversial topics. It is intended for mature, open-minded audiences. Discretion is highly advised.

Frank: You’re listening to Frank Talks Pleasures and Lifestyles, and I’m Frank because I have to be. On today’s show we have the man known as Mark Cunningham, Renegade Hypnotist. One of the people who helped establish fundamentals in the seduction community, and today he’s on Frank Talks Pleasure and Lifestyles. Welcome to the studio, Mark.

Mark Cunningham: Hi Frank, how are you doing?

Frank: All right, and I’m going to start off with my first question, Mark. Where were you born, and tell me a few things about your upbringing, your time in the military that eventually led you to being a hypnotist.

Mark Cunningham: Well, Frank, actually, I’m a Midwestern American boy. I was born in Adrian, Michigan, which is not all that far from you, and I spent my formative years there up through high school.

Basically, I’m a shy, self-effacing, way too smart, physically underdeveloped, geeky and gawky kind of American upbringing. I did do a lengthy hitch in the military. That’s certainly true. Many people heard the stories that came out of that period, and after I rotated out of the military, then I did the multiple college degrees in Michigan State University up to the Masters level and moved on into the corporate world where I became a software architect. I eventually rotated out of that in order to become a full time professional hypnotist.

Frank: What was your first exposure to hypnosis, like when did you first see it in action and then start thinking, “Oh, this might be something I want to get into.”

Mark Cunningham: That’s kind of a trick question because once I found out what hypnosis actually was, it turned out I encountered it basically at my mother’s knee.

My first formal exposure to it was at the university where I had a full ride scholarship so I was rotating to all the academic majors and I’m very careful not to complete one so I could continue the scholarships.

As I was working through ‘Ps’, I was in Psychology, and I did an internship with the psychiatrist who was on the faculty, and he was working within large VA hospital. The Veterans Administration Hospitals in the States are the government hospitals that are meant solely for the veterans of the armed forces, and we were working with quite a few Vietnam era veterans. We were working with Post-Traumatic Stress disorder, and the things he was doing with hypnosis in terms of regressing back to traumatic episodes and losing emotional charge so they could go on and lead their useful lives, as well as he did this one fascinating project on time dilation.

It was with the Detroit Police Force, so that basically all these policemen who are all staff, running around sitting on their butts, drinking coffee, eating doughnuts and then suddenly thrust into a life or death situation. They would literally say “Shazzam” to themselves and the entire world would slow down as thought the entire world moved into slow motion. And the police themselves would be unaffected and they could just function normally. So of course they are moving in super-speed in real life.

When I saw this in action, I thought, “Oh my God, I’ve got to learn how to do this stuff.”

Frank: Now, let’s get some of the basics down here. When we are talking about hypnosis, what are we talking about specifically? Do you have a Major Mark definition of what is hypnosis?

Mark Cunningham: Yes, there is a thing that we call hypnosis, and what that is, it comes in two parts. The first is you induce a mental state to where you are no longer making critical decisions. That is you’re not making judgments. You’re not saying good or bad, this is me or not me, this is true or false. You’re simply in a realm of experiencing everything equally.

Now, the second part of the classic definition is establishment of acceptable selective focus. What that basically means is they are not being distracted by anything, they just zoom in on whatever is inducing that trance. But the reason this works is there is a principle of the mind called disassociation, and all that is, is our ability to use this mega powered human brain to do multiple trains of thought.

Now, some of these are directly related to the things that we are observing in real life that are concrete, that we can agree on, consensual reality. Most of them are not and so what we do with any hypnotic induction is basically bump the subject off the track of the consensual reality and move them into one of these disassociated streams of thought so that all of a sudden they are off on something that seems compellingly real, just as real as anything else, but it is not actually real in the sense that anyone else may see it, hear it or experience it.

Frank: I’ve got a question for you now.

Mark Cunningham: Sure.

Frank: One of the biggest criticisms about hypnosis is that it doesn’t actually work. It doesn’t really exist. But because the person believes that they are hypnotized, that’s what causes the effects to take place. What are your comments to those types of statements.

Mark Cunningham: Well, I’ll give you a two-part answer. The first is we aren’t really operating on things that are real anyway. I mean, think about everybody you know, your friends, your co-workers, they are all moving through the world with their own personal blend of reality that is not shared by anyone else, and yet there is sufficient overlap that we can go, “Okay, there is a span that we call consensual reality.”

But all of it are operating on our own little version of reality, and all hypnosis is, it is guiding someone into a new version of that totally made-up reality that serves the purpose of the hypnotist.

Now, the second thing is that this thing we call hypnosis has been verified. There are a lot of medical studies that are coming out now. They are showing how the brain functions under hypnosis, and they are going, “Oh, look, when someone is “hypnotized,” you see that part of the brain that’s involved in processing thought logically just lights up dramatically because that part has to work so much harder when a person is hypnotized.

Well, the hypnotist could tell you through experience that, yeah, that logical part is suspended and you move it into something called trance-logic which is why you can talk to someone who is hypnotized into virtually anything.

The idea that someone believes in it in the first place and so therefore hypnosis doesn’t really exist, it’s just someone who is just kind of going along with your suggestion. Well, if you think about that, that fits the description of hypnosis.

Frank: Okay, now we come to some of the scary elements of hypnosis.

Mark Cunningham: Oh good.

Frank: Now…

Mark Cunningham: A hypnotist talking on the radio about scary elements of hypnosis, I love this.

Frank: All right. Well, let’s see if we can get something to spark our listeners. If I’m in the process of trying to hypnotize somebody and I get them to strictly consider things they wouldn’t normally have considered, where are the concepts of free will and responsibility for one’s own actions coming in if people are so susceptible to hypnosis that they would end up doing things they wouldn’t normally be or have the capacity to do?

Mark Cunningham: We tell with all the beginning students that no one who is hypnotized will do something that violates their ethics or beliefs. In other words, you cannot make someone do something that they are not willing to do, even though they are hypnotized.

Now, that is a belief system that is appropriate for beginners, because after all, we don’t want beginners to get wildly adventurous with this stuff. So we tell them that, they go off and they are confident they can’t possibly mess anybody up and everything is fine.

Now, in the advanced classes, we tell people that, yes, the first law which is you cannot make anyone do anything against their belief systems or their ethics, that is true. But there is a catch, which is hypnosis has a very powerful effect on belief systems, and if you know this technology very, very well and you are sufficiently adept with it, comfortable with it, you can in fact change people’s belief systems powerfully. Thus you get them to do virtually anything that you might dream up talking them into.

It’s not something that is normally done. It’s certainly not done widely in a therapy situation, although you do work with belief systems, so when you get them to believe they are non-smoker, or that they can lose weight, or that they can accept themselves for who they are. It’s something like turning them into criminals, changing their base level sexuality, changing their ethics or morals, that’s something that’s typically done either over time or done when you have someone in physical isolation. There is an awful lot of studies in the use of hypnosis within cults, for example, to point out exactly how you can do this.

In part 2 of this six-part interview series Mark Cunningham covers

    What is sane and what is normal
    Hypnosis begins with acquiescence
    Lessons on influence learned in the military
    Why women think Mark is fascinating

Transcript:
Mark Cunningham interview Part 2 of 6

Frank: So here is a question, if somebody, let’s say, in a cult environment has been so thoroughly hypnotized that they are committing acts of violence, to use one specific example, do you as a professional hypnotist believe that that person is ultimately responsible for his own actions if he was hypnotized into behaving violently?

Mark Cunningham: The compassionate answer would be no, but someone has been messing with their mind. On the other hand, you have people who are not in cults who are wandering around the street unsupervised. We call them citizens and they have been exposed to conditioning that has hypnotic elements in it from birth and yet we claim that they are fully responsible for their actions.

So in modern life, that’s what we call a normal or sane behavior is that which at least 50% of your social group who believes them, and that’s really the only foundation we have for what it’s considered as sane or normal. This is what the majority view on these things.

So somewhere in there, you can say that if someone has been deliberately conditioned to do specific things, well, then you can say their free will has been interfered with, but it’s also true that all hypnosis begins with acquiescence. If there is not that first moment of going along with the suggestion, then you can’t talk anybody into anything.

Frank: I want to get back to your military career.

Mark Cunningham: Sure.

Frank: I know you can’t talk about some of those elements. I do have a specific question.

Mark Cunningham: Yes.

Frank: Did you see any combat? Were you actually firing a rifle?

Mark Cunningham: Yes.

Frank: Do you know if you’ve ever killed anybody as part of your military experience?

Mark Cunningham: Yes, I know for certain that, yes, there is a number whom I had killed in combat.

Frank: I find it very interesting that in the current model of your life right now, you’re using hypnosis to help the people live better lives to help them clear up some of the challenges they may have inside. I am curious, do you think that your experience in the military is a fuel, a motivation for the type of lifestyle you live now as a hypnotist helping people.

Mark Cunningham: Yes, yes, in two ways. The first is I do feel that I’ve got some karma that I’ve got to work off and if spending the rest of my life helping people is the way it has to be, then that does certainly what’s going to happen.

The second is I learned a great deal of skills about controlling myself and influencing others when I was in my military career, and I have learned to recycle, retask, apply differently those skill set and those personal resources in order to address the challenge of knocking people out of their existing mindsets and teaching them a whole, new and better ways of living through life.

Frank: Mark, we are going to take a break. When we come back, we’ll talk with Major Mark Cunningham here on Frank Talks Pleasures and Lifestyles.

Commercial Break from 3:22 to 4:51

Frank: You’re listening to Frank Talks Pleasures and Lifestyles, and I’m Frank because I have to be. In studio today with Mark Cunningham. How are you doing there, Mark?

Mark Cunningham: I’m doing really well, Frank.

Frank: Well, I want to change the direction of this interview slightly and bring up the topic of the seduction community. One of the things that I remember when I studied your products is that you always came across as a man who loves women. I don’t sense anything from you or any sort of misogyny or any anger towards women. You’ve even said it on a number of occasions, you love women. You can’t get enough of them. You think they’re like a wonderful thing.

Mark Cunningham: I think they are a damn fine idea, that’s true. Yeah, in my professional work, especially in the hypnosis work, I deal primarily with women.

I’ve done over 18,000 session hours and out of that, at least 55% has been with women. So you can say that for the past ten to twelve years I’ve spent my days talking to women about how do they move through their lives, what are their concerns, what are their opportunities, what are their challenges, what do they need in order to become fully human, what is the life for them to feel feminine and sexy, and what do they look for in a man.

Frankly, I prefer the company of women. I mean, as I go to these suburban parties and whenever, all the men are out front talking about lawn care, I’m out in the kitchen with their wives because I just prefer to spend my time with women.

Frank: I got two questions for you.

Mark Cunningham: Sure.

Frank: The first question, when you say that the majority of your clientele are women, is that a conscious choice on your part or it’s just because in terms of the clientele you’re servicing, you just happen to be servicing a large clientele of women, and the second questions I have, with the amount of time that you are spending with all these women, you must have a unique perspective on the way women think on their belief systems and generally you have a grasp for the female mind. Now, what are your comments for those questions?

Mark Cunningham: Well, the first part is that in general, women are far more likely to reach out for professional help than men are. The women are stoics. They are talkers and so if they’ve got a problem in their life, if they think someone can solve it, they are going to reach out for it. So you’re therapy clients, in general, tend to be women.

And beyond that, I prefer to work with women, and frankly, men will come in and start going on about their neurotic half-ass, ridiculous suburban lives, and where I’m willing to talk to women about it, but basically I just want to slap the men and say, “Grow a pair!” Which is not something you can actually charge for. So yeah, I do tend to seek them out.

Frank: In terms of…

Mark Cunningham: In terms of my unique understanding, I’ve learned to handle myself around women in ways that they open up. They tell me the truth. They’ll sit down and dish with me like I’m one of the girls, but never forgetting that I’m also a man.

I mean, it’s really kind of funny. It’s virtually all of the clients will hit on me, all the women I run across that tend to think I’m a fascinating guy, and I’m not saying this just because I want to just blow my horn somehow. It’s just that I’ve learned to position myself as that guy and I’ve learned that once I get them to open up about themselves, well, the only kind of guy that they would actually open up and be honest and genuine and forthcoming with is somebody that they can care deeply about, and bing, there I am.

Frank: Okay, two more questions for you. The first one is about your male clients.

Mark Cunningham: Sure.

Frank: How much, in terms of a percentile, would you say that when it comes to your male clients, how many are we talking that actually seriously have a real problem that would require a hypnotherapist or some therapy? And how many of them just don’t seem to grasp what it is to be a man and to tough it out?

Mark Cunningham: Boy, you’re basically describing the same guys in both groups. I mean, anyone who is stuck, anyone who has a problem with their beliefs, their behaviors, their emotions probably ought to go and find a good hypnotist and have a little chat about what’s possible because it makes perfect sense to seek out help. Now.

In part 3 of this six-part interview series Mark Cunningham covers topics such as

    Seduction secrets hidden in romance novels
    How to be the kind of guy women find attractive
    Why men need to have female friends
    Shortcomings of the modern seduction community

Transcript:
Mark Cunningham interview Part 3 of 6

Mark Cunningham: It’s also true that… well, it’s my truth that modern man don’t have much of a clue about just sucking it up, growing on your own resources, stepping out of that resource poor state, and just getting the job done.

In the military, we have this thing called maintaining the mission, which is no matter what happens, or no matter how much crap is raining down from heaven above, you still must get the job done. They’d also beaten into our head which is something which I still live by, which is there may be reasons, but there are never excuses.

There is always some reason why you are not moving as fast or getting as far or achieving as much as you wanted to, but there is never an excuse, you just pick yourself up and find another way to actually get the job done. So those two questions are really pointed as exactly at the same guys.

Frank: Now, you talk about what it is you do to make yourself that guy, that kind of guy that women will open up with, that kind of guy that women will talk to as if you are just one of the girls, never forgetting however that you are a man.

Mark Cunningham: Oh yeah.

Frank: Can you give me some specifics, something specific that a man can model, something that he can emulate to become that guy that women will open up to on that level?

Mark Cunningham: Well, actually, if you want the quick and dirty rule, what you need to do is go down to your neighborhood bookstore, talk to the clerks and say, “What’s your top selling romance title?” Take it home and try to figure out what the hell they are talking about. The first time you read through it, it’s like a thin code, but as you just go through there and soak it up and try to understand from a woman’s point of view, you’ll find that they are all about men that they consider a great challenge.

He’s someone who is very masculine, someone who is on their way, has their own life, who doesn’t really need a woman, holding them at arm length, but also takes them very seriously and pays a lot of attention.

He’s someone who the woman can pour their heart out to and know that they are going to be treated fairly and openly. It’s not someone who is going to be catering to women. I mean, as soon as they’ve set conditions like one of the girls I’ve talked, “Oh, boy, the boys are going to understand or not going to understand that one.”

But the thing is women love to talk. They love to talk emotions. So they love to talk about themselves, and when they find a man who’s willing to listen, who remembers what it is they just said and feeds it back to them, they just go nuts. It’s like throwing raw meat in front of a Doberman.

Frank: Okay. So basically, read the romance novels and model the main top male characters there.

Mark Cunningham: That would certainly be a good start. You also want to get yourself a woman who is a friend, not someone who you are trying to drag off into bed, not someone you’re trying to scam, but someone who is actually going to talk to you, and she will tell you about clothes.

She will talk to you about how to talk to women, what’s important. She will tell you which women are good for you, which aren’t, which ones are really available as opposed to the ones who say they are available or say they are not available. I mean, once a guy gets at least one good female friend, he’s definitely on his way.

Frank: Female friends, a real point of tension here for a number of men because they have lots of female friends who they end up falling in love with, who just keeps saying, “No, I just want to be your friend,” or getting rejected.

Some seduction gurus have certain attitudes that there is no such thing as a female friend. Other seduction gurus talk about how a female friend is one who helps you meet other women, otherwise, she’s not your friend. The word “female friend,” when I say that though, that combination of words to you, what do you think about?

Mark Cunningham: I’m thinking about buddies. I mean, I have female friends who like to watch football with me. I have female friends who like to hang out and run errands with me on Saturday. I have female friends who like to have me come over and we will both cook dinner together. I mean, there are all kinds of things that I do with these girls, and there is a certain, what, what’s the word, a persona, a little zing of excitement, because there is always that possibility. But I’m not pursuing them and I don’t know a lot of them to pursue me.

Well, I can just enjoy being a man around them. They could enjoy being a woman around me, and it’s just understood the don’t poach on those friendships. I mean, you basically don’t want to screw up a friendship with one of your guy friends, why would you want to screw up a friendship with one of your girl friends?

Instead maybe you should listen to what she says and look around and realize that there are untold billions other women walking around, many of them will probably be interested in you if you just got out of your own way.

Frank: I got an open ended question for you here, Mark.

Mark Cunningham: Yeah.

Frank: No holds barred, without having to mention any specific names, what is your opinion of the modern seduction community?

Mark Cunningham: Well, it’s amazingly lucrative, isn’t it? I mean, it appears to be huge. It appears to be an unceasing demand for advice to guys on how to handle this whole seduction thing.

I find it kind of surprising. I find many of the approaches that I’ve seen out there are very mechanistic. They seemed to be not only techniques that you do to women. The more advanced ones are things that you do with women or they are phrased as you do these things with women.

But for the most part, they appear to be designed to recreate in you the kind of person that the instructor is, to recreate within your current life the life experience of the seduction instructor. It’s like they are out there trying to clone themselves and say, “If you do these things, well, then you will experience my level of success.”

Well, it’s kind of like watching these late night real estate seminars on TV, “If you just follow my magical plan, you too can live on a beach in Maui.” Well, maybe you can, but there is a very low probability of desirable outcome. I don’t see enough of what I think actually works which is help on changing yourself to be the kind of guy that women find attractive.

Frank: You talk a lot about this in your work, and we are going to get back to this. Sorry, I’m getting the signal we got to go to commercial.

Mark Cunningham: Okay.

Frank: When we come back, I would like you to talk about some of your transformation work.

Mark Cunningham: Oh, sure.

Frank: All right, you’re listening to Frank Talks Pleasures and Lifestyles.

[Commercial Break from 00:07:08 to end of audio]

End Of Part 3

In part 4 of this six-part interview series Mark covers topics such as

    Changing yourself is more attractive to women
    Why Bringing your old self to new scenarios doesn’t work
    Why you need new belief systems that will work for you
    Rehearsing change in trance work
    In order to make big changes, your life must be stable

Transcript:
Mark Cunningham interview Part 4 of 6

Frank Kermit: You’re listening to Frank Talks Pleasures and Lifestyles, and I’m Frank because I have to be. In studio today with Mark Cunningham. How are you doing there, Mark?

Mark Cunningham: I’m doing pretty well.

Frank Kermit: All right, in the last interview segment, we were talking about some of the work that you do with your transformation work. Rather than be a seduction instructor who’s trying to create clones of themselves, you’re actually helping the men involved change or unchange certain parts of themselves to become more attractive men overall.

Mark Cunningham: That’s right.

Frank Kermit: Can you tell me a little bit about your transformation work and some of the products that you have?

Mark Cunningham: Okay, yeah. My interest to seduction community is something. I developed this approach when I was working with one of the greats in the seduction community, Ross Jeffries, and he and Russell was kind enough to invite me out to appear on his seminars for over about a 6 or 6-1/2 year span. We got a lot of fun working together.

Our approaches are different, which probably why we had so much fun working together, and I learned from talking to thousands and thousands of these seminar attendees that their struggle was not so much with understanding technique, memorizing lines, figuring out approaches, learning where to go, what to wear and things like that.

But rather they were continually struggling with the problem. They kept bringing their old self into new scenarios and expecting that just by mouthing words or using some kind of techniques that they were going to get good results, and of course, that’s not what occurs.

So I did go off and I developed my own seduction seminar, which I only gave a couple of times because my whole philosophy is give it straight, deliver it and give it on tape and then go off and do something more extreme with my life.

So we did this class called Beyond Seduction, which was the distilled essence of my techniques. It’s a conditioning seminar on how do you change yourself to become the kind of guy that women find naturally seductive. Because I have the lazy man’s approach to seduction. I think I ought to be able to walk into kind of setting, look around and not only be attractive to a broad cross section of women, but to be able to spot the ones that were attracted to me and be able to concentrate on them and kind of pick the low hanging fruit.

We do have a separate track, of course, which is my mainstream hypnosis track where we have classes like the introduction of Marknosis class. It’s a set of conditioning exercises that you can do every day to ensure that you go ahead and you clear out your emotional deadwood, you remove the trauma or limitation of your self-sabotage that came out of your past.

You get focused on what you actually want to do with the belief systems that will work for you, and we show you how that you can go through a process where you ensure that you stay on course every day, and I like it with the goals that you can dream up now, but turning into the kind of person that has an ever increasing, ever improving set of goals.

Frank Kermit: Of all the products that you have, if somebody wanted to start today and say, “Mark, I don’t know where I should start, between your products and all the other products out there, what would you recommend as a great starting place?”

Mark Cunningham: Well, people look at all the products I have available and go, “Oh my God, how am I suppose to pick something even with your own product line?”

We have this thing called Hypnotic Awakenings, which is a relatively brief CD set. I think it’s three CDs, and what it does is it’s a presentation on how to identify the imprint that you got, through no faults of your own. All the well meaning people who gave you advice or direction along your life ended up filling your head with full of crap. I’ll show you how to identify all these imprints, how to break those imprints so that you can, not only free yourself from that self-sabotage, but also take all the energy that’s freed up and start to apply it through a six-step process where you can go ahead and get your life stable, in order.

Because frankly, Frank, no one makes serious change in their life until you had a relatively stable moment.

I mean, I get these heart rending calls where people say, “Oh, my God, I’m down to like my last $10 and I’m living out of my car with one package of ramen and noodles. You know, what can you tell me to help me?” And I tell them, “You know, find a place to live. Get a job. Get your life relatively stable so you can start doing serious work on yourself.”

The work you do on your favor will pay off every day for the rest of your life, and so I steer people towards these entry level conditioning exercises so you get stable, you get wide awake and you figure out what it is you’re going to want to do and then you go out and get it.

Frank Kermit: So before somebody should be studying hypnosis or self-improvement, they should be taking care of their basic needs. Is that what I’m getting here?

Mark Cunningham: Pretty much, and one of the basic needs you have is to identify the things that are holding you back, identify the people, the situations that are holding you back and learn how to overcome those, get rid of yourself limiting belief and then out of all the things that you can imagine, and one of the exercises that I teach is how to knowing you’re bullshitting yourself about your goals. In a very simple, verifiable technique where you’re just fantasizing or when you’re thinking about something that your subconscious will actually help you get.

Frank Kermit: Now, let’s go to the idea of bettering yourself through hypnosis, and I’m going to be asking this as a novice here, are we talking about self-inductions, putting yourself into trance? Does a change will actually happen while in trance? Is it an instantaneous change that occurs? What’s the best method to use hypnosis for change?

Mark Cunningham: Yeah, it’s definitely involve trance work. All trance means is a state of unnatural fascination, and so you make the things that you are thinking about so compelling and so clean that is you don’t build in distractions. You don’t build in a supplementation. You just build a very powerful and resource rich experience and then you allow yourself to have that experience. That’s what we call trance work, and by rehearsing change in trance work, well, two things occur. One is you bypass all your previous self-limitation, but the second thing is you can experiment in an error-free environment, so you can go ahead and try out alternate paths.

Let the movie run and find out just how it comes out, this way, that way, how do you feel about that? And while you do that, two things, change is as difficult as you want to make it. If you believe change, it takes a long time and it’s extraordinary difficult, well, that is the hypnosis that you’re working on yourself, and by golly, that’s exactly how the change will occur. If you believe that you can walk away from your past as easily as you might put down a suitcase and walk away from that, well, then you can experience a very powerful, very profound change and happening in an instant.

Frank Kermit: One last question before we go to our next commercial break, Mark. Is there anything that hypnosis cannot solve or actually fix?

Mark Cunningham: Organic physical problems, like there is a client out in California who was one of the last polio patients and he wanted me to help him become a championship runner. I can’t do that. And hypnosis probably should not be used on diagnosable mental illness, both for practicality’s sake and because of the legal challenges.

Frank Kermit: Thank you, Mark. We are going to be going to commercial. When we come back, more with Mark Cunningham here on Frank Talks Pleasures and Lifestyles.

In part 5 of this six-part interview series Mark covers topics such as

    Where the seduction community needs to go in the future
    Why seduction cannot be an end in and of itself
    How guys drive away quality women without even realizing it.
    Why you need to take responsibility if you want to get better with women

Transcript:
Mark Cunningham interview Part 5 of 6

Frank Kermit: You’re listening to Frank Talks Pleasure and Lifestyles, and I’m Frank because I have to be. In studio today with Mark Cunningham. How are you there, Mark?

Mark Cunningham: I’m good. I’m enjoying this.

Frank Kermit: Oh, me too. This is one of the first seduction-related interviews you’ve done in a long, long time, I believe.

Mark Cunningham: Yes, that’s absolutely correct. When I stepped away from doing the seduction seminars, people assumed I just kind of disappeared into the mainstream hypnosis world.

Frank Kermit: Well, I have a question for you about the seduction community.

Mark Cunningham: Sure.

Frank Kermit: This is something that I discussed with a lot of other seduction instructors and gurus. Where do you think the future of this community is going to go?

Mark Cunningham: Well, I can render an opinion on where I would like to go, which is I would like to see it broaden its focus. In other words, the seduction cannot be an end in and of itself. It’s like taking a tiny little slice of life that’s not all that difficult and blowing it up into this enormous perceived problem and associated solutions.

I would much rather see these people who do have something going broadening their take out to teach more about what it means to be a man in a modern world, and specifically, once you have honed your seduction skills and you’ve developed yourself to the point where you no longer are worried about this, it’s reflexive.

Well, what then do you do in terms of finding women that you genuinely enjoy and building them into your life? What is that like? How do you treat these women on an ongoing basis? What kind of opportunities for pleasures and resources do you have, and what happens next?

Frank Kermit: You know, I really like this line of thinking that you’re embarking on. I’ve seen this community completely expand on the topic of pickup. It’s all about the pickup. It’s all about your next conquest, and one fundamental thing that’s missing, even amongst some of the instructors and gurus out there, is the lack of relationship management skills, and it amazes me that more people haven’t learned to delve into maintaining relationships because a lot of these well known gurus are able to collect a lot of numbers, collect a lot of lays. They can collect a lot of women in their life, but they can’t keep the women around.

Mark Cunningham: I’m glad you said that, Frank.

Frank Kermit: Well, I’m not mentioning names because I’m not stupid.

Mark Cunningham: Yeah.

Frank Kermit: But I mean, that is the case. One of the areas that I focus on in my own work really is about relationship management. I mean, that is the whole point that we are here is to have relationships with women.

Mark Cunningham: Right.

Frank Kermit: I think that the majority of guys who study seduction get into it because either they want that one girl that got away, or they just want to get themselves a girlfriend, or they want to get married. They don’t want to be alone. Some of them even want to have families.

I’m part of that category, and learning seduction and pickup is a wonderful step in that process. You need to at least master some of the beginnings of how to initiate a relationship. But how to maintain a relationship is a whole other skill set that I think is just not getting its due attention.

Mark Cunningham: Well, to be fair, Frank, when a guy is at the point where he can’t imagine walking up and talking to a woman he actually desires, the idea of, “How do I move through the world, accepting as a matter of course, that highly desirable women will be willing to walk through fire just to make me happy because that’s the best how they want to relate to me,” I mean, that’s total science fiction for these guys.

Yeah, it would help if the role leaders and models in the seduction universe would address themselves to the broader problems. Well, as they say, how do you become fully human? How do you move through the world as a man?

Frank Kermit: You know what, I fully agree and one of the things, and I’ll say it again about it, you actually really like women. You come from a place of genuine love for women, which I think is missing in a number of the seduction gurus out there who really have an incredible amount of hatred and frustration with women.

Mark Cunningham: That’s true, and there is a very little trick I use to play on guys on seduction seminars. When they were talking about these highly intrusive, overt techniques they are going to use to manipulate women, I would begin to use those techniques on the guys in the seminars and inevitably it just cause an uproar in the seminar while it is still going on, “Why are treating me like this? Why are you trying to manipulate me? Why are you holding me down? Why are you slamming me?” And I would explain what they were doing and they would just absolutely dumbfounded, and I said, “Well, isn’t it okay that I do these things to you?” And they are going, “Well, no. Why would you treat me like this?” And I’m saying, “Well, why would you treat a woman like that? How do you expect she’s going to respond to you?”

So many of the intrusive, heavy handed techniques are actually a form of screening. You drive away the quality women and the only ones who respond are the ones who are weak and damaged and are willing to put up with that kind of crap.

Frank Kermit: Amen to that. When I run into… and this is some advice I’m going to ask from you directly here. When I run into a guy who is just got an incredible amount of hatred for women, I can understand it. I can understand where he’s coming from. My autobiography from Loser to Seducer, when I had hit rock bottom, I certainly didn’t have a lot of love in my heart for women at that time.

Mark Cunningham: Right.

Frank Kermit: I can understand it. I can relate to it. It is a frustration that completely takes over. At this point, what I tell a guy is, “Yeah, you are frustrated, but that’s just because it’s your own fault. You have to take responsibility for it, and you’ve got to remember that in the end, if when you want is a relationship, any relationship built on hate is not going to be relationship worth having in the long run.

In part 6 of this six-part interview series Mark covers topics such as

    How negative thoughts & emotions can control your life
    Being a Renegade Hypnotist means giving up being ‘normal’
    Doing a lot more controversial work
    Becoming a completely different person in a matter of a couple of hours.

Transcript:
Mark Cunningham interview Part 6 of 6

Frank Kermit: I’d like to know what else would you say to a guy in that position?

Mark Cunningham: They need to purge themselves of the negative emotion. Okay, what happened, the event that led to them feeling that way almost certainly was not as bad as they think it was, but they had a horrible emotional reaction to it, and that’s what they are currently carrying around, and frankly, they are the last person on earth who is still upset about it.

So until they learn to let go of that negative emotion, let go of the hold that negative emotion has over their life, they cannot see around this. They can’t see new avenues that lead to pleasure or opportunity or fulfillment or success. They have to get rid of that crap and then they need to go out and start building up a track record of success in all parts of their life.

A lot of times guys could really get over a lot of this crap if they would just go out and do some physical exercise. Get out in the air. Yeah, exercise your body. I’m not talking about go to the gym. I’m saying go for walks, go running, go ride a bike. Go out and talk to people and just deliberately do not do the things that you’re so upset about and get a sense of perspective back in your life.

Frank Kermit: Well, I want to talk about the pleasure in your life, Mark. When you do the work you do, it may help guys make changes, help guys achieve new levels of experience, what pleasure does that give you?

Mark Cunningham: It’s phenomenal. We have a set of, we call them testimonial books, and guys write us testimonial letters about what they did, what they learned from me, the impact it had on their lives, and whenever I’m having kind of a down moment, one of the girls will bring in a testimonial book and just drop them on my desk and say, “Read this until you feel better.” I just start flipping through these things and finding out all the incredible positive impact I’ve had on people’s lives and I realized, “Oh, my God, I’ve got to keep doing this.”

At this point, I’m not doing it for the money. I can make a lot more money doing something else, but every day I’ve got people telling me that I’ve changed their life for the better forever. There is no other field where you get that kind of immediate positive feedback.

Frank Kermit: To do this life doing what you do, what would you say are some of the sacrifices you had to make in order to continue being Mark Cunningham, Renegade Hypnotist?

Mark Cunningham: I had to give up being normal. Okay, there are a lot of people who look down on the fact that I worked with men on issues like seduction or lifestyle. I’ve done a lot of work in the ultimate sexuality community and I’ve been taking an awful lot of crap for that. Even with being the hypnotist, it puts me so far outside the mainstream. In fact, if I was a psychologist doing the same work, I’d be easily understood. There would be a box that people could put me in and everything will be fine. It’s not an easy lifestyle when you consciously make the decision to never be normal again.

Frank Kermit: One last question here, Mark, before we have to sign off.

Mark Cunningham: Sure.

Frank Kermit: Where do you see yourself ten and fifteen years from now?

Mark Cunningham: Actually, I’d like to be doing a lot more controversial work, to tell you the truth. At that point, I’ll be wrapped up with my mainstream career. All my teaching materials will be canned and out there and I’ll be free to go ahead and teach some of the things that I know how to do, that are just so amazing so radically transforming that they are highly controversial now. I can’t imagine they are going to be any more acceptable in ten years.

Frank Kermit: What are we talking about here?

Mark Cunningham: Being able to totally transform your personality within a couple of hours, for example. And by totally transforming your personality, I mean become a whole another person.

Frank Kermit: Now, are we talking here stage hypnosis? Are we talking here legitimately?

Mark Cunningham: Legitimately. Then my research, I’ve done enough of research projects and I have discovered some ways of manipulating, well, I’m going to teaching people next month in my class on regression and memory, but there are things you can do by manipulating an individual’s sense of time and memory so that they literally become a completely separate person in a matter of a couple of hours.

Frank Kermit: Some…

Mark Cunningham: Okay, it’s highly controversial in the therapy field, and we start talking about doing this in terms of recreational conditioning. Yeah, yeah, people get them. Some people get wildly upset about it. Other people are like, “Oh my God, just tell me how to do this.”

Frank Kermit: Well, I mean, I’m listening to this now and I’m thinking, well, on the pro side, you have the ability to help people who have gone through such traumatic experiences that by almost eliminating the memories or becoming a whole new person, who’s either better able to deal with the trauma or becoming a person who’s never had to deal with that trauma directly because you’ve played around with the memory, I can see that as a positive thing.

Mark Cunningham: Right.

Frank Kermit: But also it comes into the whole “do we play god here.”

Mark Cunningham: Yeah. Oh yeah, and in the wrong hands do you have people out there creating their own little love zombies.

Frank Kermit: And you know this is a very interesting question. We are going to try to stretch this a little bit just to see if we can get in this last one question here. Is it better for people…

Mark Cunningham: You should have brought it up sooner.

Frank Kermit: Yeah. Is it better for people to know all the truth and the tactics out there, or do you think that it should only be in the hands of a select few who will wield it with responsibility?

Mark Cunningham: Well, I got beaten pretty badly this past weekend where I was in a meeting of hypnotists and they were saying that I had an obligation to let this stuff loose on the world. Right now I don’t agree with that because I know from my experience with the seduction community, just teaching guys how to use elementary hypnotic technique in conversation, guys are going out there and doing things which I would never condone, never accept, and I wish I hadn’t taught them how to do it.

Now, if I give them actual, high impact, irreversible hypnotic technique, I’m not so sure they are going to go out and do sane and beneficial things.

Frank Kermit: Mark, this was a fantastic show. Thank you so much for your willingness to come out and talk to us here on Frank Talks about your life in the seduction community and your life as a hypnotist helping people.

Mark Cunningham: You bet, Frank. I had a good time.

Frank Kermit: We definitely invite you to come back to do another Frank Talks with us.

Mark Cunningham: Sure, just give me a call.

Frank Kermit: I will. You’re listening to Frank Talks Pleasures and Lifestyles. Good night, everybody.

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Budget Dating For Money-Strapped Singletons

3/14/2018

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Is dating too expensive for you? Here are some money saving tips to help you reduce the cost of your dates in this contributed post.

DATING ON A BUDGET

If you are currently single, you are probably already a registered member of some dating apps and websites. Love swiping your way through Tinder and Bumble? If your thumbs have been busy on these apps, you will have already been on a few fun dates. I’m sure there’s one thing you will have noticed - dating can be very expensive!

If you are still searching for the one, and trying to keep up with seeing your friends alongside this, you will probably have a social life that is draining your finances. That’s not good for the long-term. But that’s also no reason to stop dating, especially if you are enjoying it.

Here are some great tips that can help you reduce the cost of all those dates!

Be Open And Honest

It’s really important that you are up front with your date about the fact that you need to be careful with your finances. That way, they will know not to suggest any potentially dear dates. If you get on really well, you might even want to set yourselves some monetary goals. For instance why not try and save together so that you can enjoy a really fun day out in a few months’ time?

OUTDOOR DATE

Limit Restaurant Dates

Eating out a couple of times each week will be a big drain on your bank account. So, you should try and limit these. Instead of visiting so many restaurants, you could instead offer to show off your culinary skills and cook for them at home. This will be extremely romantic and a great idea for a cozy night in.

Boost Your Pocket Money

If you are struggling for money in other aspects of your life, you might want to find the best bank to get a personal loan so that you can improve your overall financial situation. Some of this extra pocket money can go towards your dating. There are other ways you can boost your finances too. You might want to sort out through your stuff and sell what you can for instance. Or, how about getting a few extra shifts as an Uber or Deliveroo driver?

CITY DATE

Look For Happy Hours

There are ways to enjoy a night out on the cheap, of course. You just need to look for happy hours! Lots of bars and restaurants offer happy hour deals in which they serve drinks a lot cheaper than usual. These special deals are very popular with cocktail bars, so it’s a good way to enjoy a delicious tipple on a tight budget!

Use Coupon Sites

It’s also worth signing up for coupon websites, such as Groupon. These offer daily deals that are taking place in your local area. More often than not, they are deals for bars and restaurants, but you will also find some discounts on activities and day outs too.

Dating doesn’t have to be expensive if you follow these tips, so you can continue your search for your perfect partner!

What are you waiting for? Time to continue swiping!

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Le plus grand regret

3/14/2018

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Le Plus Gros Regret

Le plus gros regret
Par: Frank Kermit
Traduit par: Anne-Marie Payette

Seriez-vous surprise(e) d’apprendre qu’un des plus grands regrets des gens concernant leur mariage précédent (ou mariages précédents si c’est le cas) est leur premier divorce?

Non, vraiment.

Et ce n’est pas à cause que cet amour intarissable pour leur premier(ère) conjoint(e) n’a jamais pu être retrouvé avec quelqu’un d’autre. En fait, aimer ou non cette personne n’était pas un facteur.

Voici seulement 3 des principales raisons divulguées par de nombreux clients, expliquant pourquoi leur premier divorce est leur plus grand regret.

Premièrement, ça n’a rien résolu. Tout ce que ça a fait, c’est de rendre une situation déjà compliquée, encore plus complexe. Spécialement lorsque des enfants sont concernés. Il fallait ENCORE qu’ils(elles) voient leur ex pour les droits de visites des enfants, ainsi que les événements importants à célébrer avec ces derniers.

Deuxièmement, ils(elles) ont transporté les problèmes qu’ils(elles) avaient déjà dans leur deuxième mariage. Tout n’est pas la faute du conjoint ou de la conjointe. Si vous avez des problèmes dont vous ne vous occupez pas, ça va certainement refaire surface dans vos relations futures peu importe avec qui vous êtes marié(e). Par exemple, si vous faites face à des problèmes de colère, de dépression ou de dépendance, vous devrez TOUJOURS composer avec ces problèmes même si vous vous mariez avec une nouvelle personne, et vous n’allez que répéter ces mêmes comportements. Vos vieux modèles de comportement vous conduiront tout droit vers votre prochain divorce.

Troisièmement, et ceci est un raison majeure... comment ceci affecte vos enfants. Parfois le divorce est la meilleure chose qu’un couple puisse faire pour la santé mentale de leurs enfants. Par contre, ceci ne s’applique pas dans tous les cas. C’est déjà difficile d’être un bon parent attentionné quand vous êtes deux à le faire. Ça l’est encore davantage quand vous aboutissez seul(e) pour jouer ce rôle, les moments où c’est vous qui en avez la charge. De plus, en tant qu’Être humain vous êtes également aux prises avec vos propres souffrances occasionnées par le divorce, ainsi plusieurs enfants se retrouvent tout simplement négligés. Les prédateurs d’enfants aiment avoir dans leur mire des parents célibataires récemment divorcés. Aucun parent ne pourra jamais vivre en paix sachant que leur divorce a contribué à ce que leurs enfants deviennent des cibles.

Dernièrement, en gardant tout ceci à l’esprit, si vous désirez un mariage réussi; et vous aurez des journées où vous penserez que vous n’y arriverez par , il serait peut-être avisé de reconsidérer.

Celles-ci ne sont que 3 des raisons pour reconsidérer et il y a bien d’autres.

Au final, engagez-vous à faire de votre mariage un mariage réussi, parce qu’il y a de fortes chances que vous ne soyez pas plus heureux si vous abandonnez en cours de route.

À la prochaine!

-Frank Kermit

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#deuxiememariage, #troisièmemariage, #troisiememariage, #premiermariage,
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#regretter, #regrettable, #avecregret, #malheureusement.

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5+ Ways to Make New Friends at Anime Conventions

3/12/2018

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Ways to Make New Friends at Anime Conventions

5+ Ways to Make New Friends at Anime Conventions

by Roger Senpai

(Originally, I called this post “10 Ways to Make New Friends at Anime Conventions.” But I felt some methods are better than others. So the first 5 ways are great, while the latter 5 are just okay. Still lots of ways to make new friends though!)

Being a cosplay event organizer, I’ve seen many people who attend Anime conventions in order to meet new friends. However, when you see groups of cosplayers huddling together and talking to only their friends, making new friends at a con may seem like a daunting task. But I'm here to help – I myself have made many friends at Anime conventions! And I've met them through a variety of ways.

Before I begin, I should emphasize this list is far more useful if you have a genuine interest in geek fandom (e.g. video games, Anime, comic books). Otherwise, if you have absolutely no interest, you may come off as that guy who’s just trying to pick up girls at the Anime convention. Or you’re a girl who decided to buy a Sailor Moon dress to get some attention at the con. I mean, you don’t have to be a weeaboo or a nerd. But you should have the mindset that you’re going to have fun at an Anime convention, regardless of who you meet.

Based on my experience, here are 10 different ways to make new friends at Anime conventions:

1) Wear a popular cosplay - Of all the techniques listed here, wearing a popular cosplay is by far the easiest and most effective way to meet new friends at a con. Having a good and popular costume opens up all doors as people will approach YOU - whether asking to take a photo of your costume, or complimenting how amazing it is! And once that icebreaker is open, you can take the conversation further if you wanted.

For example, let's say you're cosplaying D.Va from Overwatch. Some possible scenarios:

Con Attendee: “OMG I love your D.Va costume!” OR “Excuse me; can I take a photo of you? Your D.Va cosplay is sooo amazing!”

You: Sure!

(Pose for photo)

Con Attendee: “Do you play a lot of Overwatch? We should play together sometime.” (Exchange Battle.Net accounts) OR “I’m going to cosplay Tracer at the next con. Do you want to cosplay Overwatch together?”

Alright, I actually don’t know how a typical Overwatch conversation would go. But that's a quick example showing simply how easy it is to make friends when you're cosplaying a popular character.

Also, more than likely there are other people either wearing the same costume or cosplaying a character from the same series. And most of the time, they will want to take a photo with you - another way to break the ice.

The costume itself doesn't have to be that great either. I used to cosplay Sebastian from the Anime Black Butler, and honestly the material was poor quality (I bought it off a cheap cosplay site). But most people don't care - if you're cosplaying someone they like, they will open up and talk to you. I met two good friends from Otakuthon because they were cosplaying Ciel and Grell, also from Black Butler. I’ve also met three other friends at Anime Shogatsu because they loved my Sebastian cosplay and because we had a great conversation after taking my photo.

So I cannot emphasize how many friends I've made by simply wearing a cosplay that was considered popular. There's no easier way to socialize at an Anime convention than to cosplay a popular character. This is especially true if you're shy or introverted - people will come to you!

If you don’t know what’s considered a popular cosplay, look at the photos of a large convention that recently took place. If you see a lot of the same characters, more than likely it’s popular at this moment in time.

And don’t worry about anyone judging you for wearing a “popular” cosplay or cosplaying a character you’ve never watched in an Anime or played in a video game. A lot of people do this, and the community loves to preach, “Cosplay whoever you want.” And who cares – you’re at a convention to have fun and make new friends.

2) Schedule or attend a group cosplay photoshoot - At many Anime conventions, group photos are scheduled for attendees cosplaying from the same series. (E.g. My Hero Academia photoshoot 2 p.m. Area C of the Toronto Congress Centre, Pokémon shoot at 3 p.m. in the hotel area). These photoshoots are great opportunities to chat with cosplayers from the same series. Not only is it fun to take pictures together with creative poses, more than likely you'll have things in common - after all you're cosplaying from the same series!

I cosplay Marth pretty often, so I decided to hold a few Fire Emblem photoshoots at smaller conventions. Not only did I get to meet new cosplayers this way, I made a few new friends who've taught me how to improve my Marth costume. A win-win situation.

THE FIRE EMBLEM HEROS

source

3) Take photos of cosplayers - If you decide you don't want to cosplay, you can always take photos of cosplayers. Start off by asking for their photo ("Excuse me, can I take a photo of your costume?"). After you finish taking their picture, you can ask about their cosplay ("How did you make it" or "Did you see the ending of Naruto, blah blah"). Then gauge their response. If they're giving you a one-word answer or looking away, they probably have somewhere to go. But if they're genuinely interested, then perhaps they want to know more about you. You'd be surprised how taking a picture of someone has led to friendship.

Once, I saw a good Star Trek cosplayer and asked for her photo. While I don’t think it’s a good idea to talk about Star Wars to a fan of Star Trek, for some reason I decided to talk about Star Wars to her after I took the photo. I found out we actually had a lot in common! So we kept in touch and now she’s a good acquaintance of mine, and I’m happy to see she’s still making great cosplays to this day.

You never know who you can meet by simply asking for their photo.

Just be aware that there are certain times where it's inappropriate to ask for a photo. For example, don't ask to take a picture if they're sitting down, or eating or busy doing something else. It's considered especially rude to ask for a photo while they’re in the middle of their own photoshoot; interrupting the photographer and the cosplayer is not a good first impression to make!

4) Volunteer - Volunteering is a great way to meet new people during an Anime convention. Not the actual attendees themselves, but the volunteers and staff you're working alongside with. It's like meeting coworkers at your job, but in a more fun, casual environment. It doesn’t have to feel like work either – you can usually decide what type of volunteer work to do, and how many hours you want to help.

A few years ago, I volunteered for Anime Boston (yes, a convention outside of my own country!). They accepted my application and the experience was a lot of fun. My fellow volunteers and staff were great people to volunteer and socialize with, and I still keep in touch with them today. By volunteering for Anime Boston, I made a bunch of new friends and I got a bunch of swag and free stuff during the con as well.

5) Bring a Card Game - Whether it's Apples to Apples or Cards Against Humanity, card games are a great way to break the ice with your fellow attendees at an Anime convention. There's always going to be somebody bored or lonely at a con. Bring one of these card games to a convention and invite them to play with you. Not only will it be fun, you’ll also make a new friend this way.

Back when I first started the Cosplay Hangout Group, most people who showed up for my cosplay events didn't talk to each other. Like many new people in the cosplay community, it was somewhat awkward and people were standing around. So I decided to bring my Cards Against Humanity deck and made the attendees play together. Not only was the game hilarious and eased the nervousness of some, it allowed them to socialize with each other. How beautiful that game is.

6) Hit up the Con Rave - I know the raves at cons get a bad rep for sketchy people and drug addicts, but I've met some great people at raves, including cosplayers, DJs, performers, singers and fashion artists. It's a wonderful and diverse mix of people at a rave. Starting a conversation at a rave can be as easy as giving someone your glow stick or "Kandi."

7) Hotel Parties - If you're going to a large Anime convention, there will always be hotels where attendees are staying for the weekend. And with hotels, come hotel parties! Probably the most difficult part is getting invited. But if you socialize enough during the con, you will find yourself invited to one. Believe me, it’s not that difficult. I've been to several conventions outside of my own city and I've been invited to hotel parties by attendees I've never met prior. Anyways, if you want to make new friends and you get invited, be damn sure to accept the invitation and go.

Yes, sometimes it can be awkward at the party when everyone knows each other and you know nobody at first. But don't worry, there's always someone at the hotel party similar to one described in that Alessia Cara track, Here (God I hate that song).

let's party

8) Host a Panel - What better way to gather like-minded people than hosting a panel at a con?! But seriously, it's not a bad idea. You are talking about a topic that you're interested in. And the people who attended your panel are also interested in the subject.

I hosted a Pokémon panel a couple of years back. The attendees were as enthusiastic about Pokémon as I was, and if I wanted a few players to battle with, I could easily have picked a few right there at the panel. In fact, one guy came up to me and wanted to be my friend. He asked for my Facebook account. But he kept interrupting my damn panel, so I didn’t want to be friends with him!

9) Tabletop Gaming - At many Anime conventions, there's a room dedicated to tabletop gaming. Although some people will already be with their friends playing together, there are a few people who are looking for someone to join their game. Maybe one of their friends left for a photoshoot, and they're now missing a player? Much like bringing a card game to a con, tabletop gaming is a good way to have fun and meet new people. I got to hangout with some cool people in the Tabletop gaming room at Youmacon. I sure as hell don't remember what game it was, but it was fun talking about differences between Detroit and Toronto!

10) Video Game rooms - What better way to start a friendship than to kick their ass in Smash Bros.?! Okay, I haven't made many friends in video game rooms - because they're too salty after I beat them.

:)

ROGER SENPAI

About The Author

As a self confessed "geek" Roger Senpai ,a former journalist is currently the administrator of the Cosplay Hangout Group based in Toronto, Canada.
He organizes and hosts cosplay events for the community, as well as running a blog centered around all things cosplay.

The Senpai Blog

#cosplay #cosplaywip #animecosplay #cosplaylife #cosplayer #animelife #cosplaylife #animeconvention #cosplans #cosplaying #cosplayfun #cosplayworld #cosplaylifestyle #cosplaycommunity

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How To Take Advantage Of Your Online Dating Profile?

3/7/2018

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What do you need to make your online dating profile the best it can be? Explore some ideas in this contributed post.

Online dating is getting popular nowadays due to its convenience. People can date anywhere and anytime they want. They also get a wider option of dating because they can communicate with people in different parts of the world. Online dating opens the door to interracial dating.

online dating rules etiquette

There are many online dating sites available on the net like Tinder, InterracialDatingCentral and so on. However, a lot of people had tried online dating numerous times but with no such luck. Luckily that can be solved. The key is your online dating profile. Here is how you can take advantage of your profile at an online dating site.

It’s Starts With The Profile Picture

One of the first things you will need to do is pick a profile picture. Some online dating sites do not require a profile picture. However, this has a massive effect on how you will get noticed.

When choosing a profile picture, pick your most attractive picture but make sure it is still you. Do not use an overly photoshopped image of yourself. Moreover, do not use other people's images especially of those famous ones. Do not also use pictures of sceneries, animals or any non-human images.

By doing this, you are giving the impression that you are not good-looking. Be confident in what you look. Not everyone might notice, but there will always be people who will like you for not only your physical appearance but also the other traits you possess.

The Right Username Attracts The Right People

Another important thing to take into consideration is the username. Most of the online daters use their first name or nickname as their username. However, when attracting people to match with you, a name is sometimes not enough. That is why people use usernames that are very eye-catching.

However, when picking an outstanding username, be sure it gives off a pleasant impression. Do not go for nicknames like “Scarred”, “Fvckboi”, and so on. Usernames like these drive away people who you want to meet. So instead, use a username that describes your positive traits such as “FitNFun”, “HappyLife”, and so on.

Update Through Pictures

It is important to always update your profile on an online dating site. However, aside from the written details, you should also update your pictures. It is advisable to change your profile picture once in awhile but not often. At least every two weeks will do or it will depend on how many times you go online.

Another thing, you can show people what you have been up to by updating through uploading other images in your profile. You can upload pictures of yourself while playing basketball. You can also upload a photo of you while snuggling your pet cat. You can also upload images of you in all the places you have been too. This will not only give your viewers a good impression on you but it will also give them an idea of what they want to talk about with you.

The 7:3 Biography

On online dating profiles, the site will sometimes ask you to write a short bio. This is done in order for you to state some other information that the site had left out. Do not write some information that you already had supplied when you set up your profile like your nationality, age, location and such. And mind you, it is a short bio, so keep it short.

The best way to write your bio is to state some details about you and details of what kind of person you are looking for. The best biography has a ratio of 7:3. 70 percent of your bio should be about you and only 30 percent is about the person you are looking for. Do not indulge too much in describing the person you wish to online date. Viewers will get an impression that you have high standards.

online dating rules etiquette

With these tips, you can take advantage of your online dating profile to find the right match for you. Keep in mind that the best thing you can do is to be honest with yourself even online. Online dating is not a medium for you to switch identity. Remember that your profile serves as your virtual face and self. This is where people will judge you whether you are what they are looking for.

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