OBESE RECOVERY

Below is a 2+ hr interview about my Obese Recovery Journey for people that want to listen

**The photo above shows me in the SAME COMFY SHORTS, 4 years apart

My weight has been my worst demon throughout my life.

There are only 2 periods in my life where I was able to lose weight
and manage a healthier lifestyle...at least temporarily.

The first was when I was 18 and in college. I was dropping out of my science programs, was dealing with personal issues, and thus focused on my health. I lost 30-35 lbs and was down to a trim 199 lbs. Since I was dropping out of my science program, I simply put all that unused class and homework time to going to the gym and used my energy to learn to eat better. My goal was to get in shape so I get a girlfriend...what I wanted more than anything, more than an education, was to get a girlfriend. Eventually I succeeded...but when we broke up, I started eating too much again and stopped exercising.

The second time was while I was learning about dating and relationships around 2003. I was over 300 lbs and lost about 70-80 lbs to get back to 260 lbs. My goal this time was to get my then ex-fiance back. I learned about dating, seduction, relationships and lost the weight. Even got back with my ex for a short time and got closure on that relationship. (That path I took led me to my own original theories about love and my work as a love coach some 10 years later).

After getting closure, I dealt with many challenges in life, struggle finding work, buried a parent, moved to another part of the country, got married, became a father, and continued to deal with personal issues, and started to eat unhealthy again and stopped exercising.

Now, over the last 12 years, I had been scheduled for the surgery and got the call that there was an opening many times. There was up to a 2 year waiting period. Each time I would sign up, go through the motions and when they would call, I would decline to go for it and put it off.

My reason?

I believed that the recovery would be difficult and I would likely not be able to work to earn money to support my family. For a number of years, I was the only one working and earning income. If I had to stop working for any reason at all, it could mean eviction.

I love what I do ...helping people and connecting people for a living. However, it is not the most lucrative path. That is OK as long as I keep my expectations realistic and no major emergencies. Well, my health was becoming a major emergency.

Each time I got a call that a spot had opened up for me, I would politely say that I was not in a financial position to take the needed time off. They would call back every couple of weeks, until a certain point, and then take me off the waiting list, and I had to re-sign up to the list to begin the waiting period all over again.

In 2015 I had emergency hernia surgery, my life was in danger, and due to complications with the catheter, I was unable to heal in a reasonable amount of time. For 8 months from the botched aspects of that emergency surgery, I had tubes coming out of my body, needed nurses to visiting me to clean my bandages and had to accept help from friends and family (and some coaching clients) to keep my family off the street. I was, and still am, traumatized by that event. I actually got the call do the the bariatric surgery while I was recovering from the hernia surgery...I said no way..,given what I was going through, the LAST thing I wanted was to take a chance and get gutted again.

That horrible experience was a source of great pain, and I really started to pack on the pounds.

At one point, I just gave up on my health.

I accepted that if I stayed on this course, I would likely die young (at least younger than I should). Each year I would balloon more and more and more.

Even though I was still suffering from the effects of the 2015 health crisis, and my weigh was increasing, I was not quick to sign up for bariatric surgery again. My health continued to get worse to the point were I was barely able to walk, nor stand for any length of time. It was really getting bad. So in 2018, I signed up for the waiting list yet again. This time my wife was with me and we were both signing up for it, aiming for both of us to do the surgery around the same time.

In late 2019, We got the call to start the process over again.

We were having regular doctor meetings from Jan to Mar 2020 to get ready for my surgery .

The bariatric surgery was originally scheduled for Spring 2020 for both of us.

Then covid hit, Canada went into a lockdown, and postponed the surgery.

Oh well.

At this point, we were in a better financial situation but not much more so, but I was not sure if I was going to go through with it. The risks of the surgery, the side effects, how it was going to change what was familiar to me,

I had mixed feelings. On the one hand, I knew that I was struggling, and on the other hand, I was terrified. Look at what happened with the 2015 hernia surgery...still had nightmares about it.

Then in April 2020 I got another call...this time from my family doctor.

He was calling to tell me the results of my blood test and that I had diabetes.

I always knew that eventually that call would come...it exists in my family line.

I still struggled with the new reality.

TIME STOOD STILL.

I watched diabetes kill my father over the course of 30 years. I watched it affect my mother who also had it. I watched then, and still watch some of my other relatives with their health problems...and now, I was one of them.

My highest recorded weight was 460 lbs.

The only reason I know that number is that I was forced to weigh myself when I was at a doctors office having to prep for bariatric sleeve surgery in April 2020.

I had to get the meter machine and poke my finger to test my blood sugar. The Doctor would have also prescribed medication for me, but said that given I was going for the weight loss surgery, that he would see if I could skip the medication altogether if I lost 10% of my body weight (about 50 lbs)

So I began to work on my health.

First Things First

The first thing I did was start writing a list of reasons to get healthy. I wrote down short form reasons to lose weight. Such as "For my Son", "For my Wife", "Pain in Feet", "Travel", etc... then I decided to make the list more specific and the list grew.

Instead of saying "travel" I wrote each place I wanted to travel to as a separate reason to lose weight. So "Travel to Rochester to research family tree", "travel to italy to visit family graves", "travel to Toronto to see my friends", "travel to Toronto to re-connect with my wife's family".

I wanted to be healthy enough to do more activities with my son. So I expanded on that list as well. Such as "Take my son to a hockey game", "take my son to Comic-con", "take my son to a wrestling show".

As the list grew I added things as they occurred to me such as "to make it to my next high school reunion", "to be able to stand and sing", "to take before and after photos."

I read that list every single day for the first two years of this journey. As I got more active I would skip reading it, but every time I started to backslide, I would pull it up again and read it again.

The goal of the list is to not only check off each item I achieve, but to also keep adding more reasons to get healthier. At least 1 reason for every pounds I want to lose...and keep adding more reasons, each one being specific. At this point I have over 170 reasons and keep adding new reasons as they occur to me.

It was a struggle.

I started that April. Now the pain of staying the same was WORSE than the pain associated with change. I lost a little weight leading up to November (very little; about 12 pounds). 12 pounds in 8 months. I was not making the progress needed.

I also resolved that I would not let a lack of money push off the surgery. This time I was willing to go into debt, borrow money, make discount deals to make sure we had enough money to keep the family taken care of. And so, I did.

In November 2020 I got the call that I would have my surgery in early December and began the pre-op diet.

Most patients are given a week of the pre-op diet to prep for surgery. The goal is to lose as much weight as possible in a short time span, not just to lose weight but to also shrink the liver. Large liver makes the surgery more complicated. And I was terrified of having any complications during this surgery.

However, the surgeon told me that because of how obese I was, AND that I had diabetes, he wanted me to do the pre-op diet for an entire MONTH...4 weeks, to lose as much as I can and shrink my liver.

Lost a good chunk of weight with that (given how obese I am, the weight loss did not show. But I did not care. Too worried about the surgery.)

So I started at 460;
lost 12 lbs from April to November 2020;
and lost 30 lbs in the month of November on the pre op diet.

The pre-op diet was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do...and I have re-invented myself a few times already..but this one...oh boy...was painful.

On the day of my surgery I was down to 418 lbs.

It was as good as I was going to get it.

The surgeon was thrilled. He told me that most patients never lose more than 10-15 pounds...the fact I lost 30 was fantastic!

However,

when I woke up from the surgery, the surgeon told me that it went well, there were no complications, but he did make it a point to tell me that even with the sudden weight loss, my liver was still larger than expected. Not a good thing, but nonetheless, I had survived the surgery and now I just had to survive the recovery.

Had the surgery and have been trying to adjust to the new normal of tiny meals, and physical distress that comes with this sort of recovery.

One year later...

A year later from that phone call from my doctor telling me I had diabetes.

From April 2020 to April 2021, I lost 100 lbs. AND, my doctor said that since I lost as much as I did, my diabetes is actually now in remission.

I still have a long way to go.

Another 160 lbs to lose, and it will likely take another 2 years to get there (if I ever get to that end goal). Even if I do not, I am in less over-all pain and able to move easier.

September 2021

I decided to do something drastic. I was stuck at 320 lbs (losing 140 lbs at this point). I was in a stall...I was not losing weight for some time. I was "scheduled" to lose about 15-20 more pounds by the end of December 2021 (based on the stats of other bariatric patients who were a year out from the surgery). I was falling behind on my weight loss.

I had to do something.

So I did.

I got a part time physical job working in a warehouse department store. It was the most physical job I have ever had. The pain of moving, lifting, being on my feet when a mere 18 months earlier, I was barely able to walk was absolute torture.

My doctors all told me NOT to do this. They encouraged me to focus on my diet and do exercises very lightly....I was trying that already, but it was not getting me the results I wanted. So in defiance of their advice, I took the job.

I was honest with my employer. I told them I lost 140 lbs, wanted this job to get exercise, and to bring in some stable income due in part to how covid was making it harder for me to earn a living from home as a coach. I was also honest about the fact that I did not know if I could handle it. It was possible that I would try and fail.

I am not afraid of failing. I have failed at many things.
I am more afraid of not trying...the not knowing what could have been.
My mental health punishes me with both, but the pain of not knowing
is often worse than the pain of my failures.

My goal with this job was to work my way from part time to eventually being a full time employee with benefits (my family needed the benefits for certain health concerns and it was my job to provide it, by any means necessary).

Oh the pain.

On my first day on the floor, I hurt myself. Torn a muscle where my right leg meets my waist while getting up from sitting on the floor to preform one of my work tasks. (I was still 320 lbs with no experience being this active in 20 plus years). The pain from it was so bad, I was having stabbing attacks that caused my vision to blackout and felt like throwing up.

I headed back to the doctor and was given a pain killer (a really strong one) to help me heal. I was given the "I told you so" speech. Did not care. I took the pills, took the pain, and got a prescription for a waist and back support to help with my rehabilitation.

But I refused to quit.

My managers checked in on me. They were very supportive actually.
They told me to take as many breaks as I needed.
They saw how much I was pushing myself, how hard I was trying.

I told them I was hurting, and it was hard, but that I refused to quit.
I told them I would accept being fired, but that I was not giving up.

The good news is that I lost 15 lbs in my first 3 weeks and was down to 305 lbs by October.

The bad news was that I was in SO MUCH PAIN...I was exhausted at the end of even the shortest shifts. My wife would massage me every night after work...even the slightest tough of her hand just hurt me something awful.

But I refused to quit.

To give you an idea of the hurt I experienced, listen to this:

-I had to wear steel-toed work boots. They did not have one in my size, so I had to take the one size down. I also need wide-sized boots, but they did not have it in stock. Ouch

-You know how your heal gets cut up from new footwear? Yup, dealt with that too.

-I live a 10 min walk away from where I work. It took me 20 min to walk there at the start of my shift. At the end of my shift I would have to stay at work to sit down for at least 30 min (sometimes longer) to find the energy to walk home. This was every single shift for the first 6 months. In fact one day I stayed too late on a Sunday night and got locked in the building...had to trigger the alarm to get out through an emergency exit. Another time I left the building and sat on a rock bench on the way home. I looked so out of it from pain and exhaustion, that a cop car pulled up and the officers checked on me. They asked me if I knew my name, what day it was, etc...thinking I might be a street person on drugs. I had to explain that, no, I did not do drugs and that I had lost 140 lbs and took a physical job for the first time in my life and that I was just beat from a hard days work.

-My dental health was not great either. During this time I had to get a tooth pulled (could not afford the root canal). Once that tooth was gone and the pain from it was over, I noticed my mouth still hurt. Turns out I had a second tooth that needed to be pulled because I again, could not afford the root canal.

-I wore roller-blade knee pads that I purchased from the thrift store to help me get on my knees...my knees were in bad shape and started to make clicking noises (painful ones) from all the years they had to support my obese body. Sometimes my body would go one way, and my knee would go another....that hurt.

-The protective gear I wore did help with the pain, but the gear itself was bulky and uncomfortable. It is not fun to put on and wear.

-when I went in for a fitting of my back brace (that I got the referral for) I told the clinic technician about the other pain and he said that was not normal. He suggested that I consult their in house doctor so I can also get strong knee braces AND orthotics for my feet. Most would be covered by insurance, but not all. I decided that making my health a priority, I need to be willing to pay whatever it costs, so I said yes. It turns out I totally needed the knee braces on my legs (both) and when I started to wear the orthotics in my work boots, it took a few weeks but in time, my feet did not hurt as much...

ALL OF MY LIFE I HAVE HAD INCREDIBLE FOOT PAIN. EVERY DOCTOR I EVER HAD TOLD ME TO LOSE WEIGHT AND THE PAIN WOULD STOP. NOT ONE, NOT A SINGLE ONE EVEN MENTIONED THE POSSIBILITY THAT MY FEET WERE DEFORMED AND REQUIRED ORTHOTIC SUPPORT. ALL THOSE YEARS IN PAIN. OBESE PEOPLE ARE TOO OFTEN DISMISSED ABOUT HEALTH CONCERNS. RANT OVER.

So, I had the new boot pain, lugging around a 320 lbs corps, heal cut pain, toe pain from the rubbing against steel, knee pain, back pain, the muscle tear pain, foot pain from never had orthotics, tooth pain, and as I got more knowledgeable about the pain I was in, I discovered that I need wrist braces and an elbow support as well. I did not know what I didn't know

,,,that my body wasn't in pain just because I was obese.

I was obese because my body was trying to cope with the pain that I did not know was already there.

Lesson:

Obesity is NOT the problem...it is the SYMPTOM

...see what I was dealing with now?

When a person lives with chronic pain, it becomes such a normal part of everyday life, that we forget that there is life outside that pain. I had been living with my chronic pain for so long, I could not remember a time in my life that did not have pain.

I discovered that a lot of my food related repeating behavior patterns was a result of how I used food to cope with the constant chronic pain. This helped me understand why losing weight and exercising were so difficult for me to maintain.

All the while, having to wear a mask making it harder to breath...AND learning a new job, a new domain of information that I was not used too. Plus I needed to keep coaching on my time off because I was only making minimum wage at this physical job.

I refused to quit.

My family needs those benefits.
My family needs those extra dollars (even if it was only minimum wage).
My body needs me to suffer through this so I can figure out this health thing
once and for all.

8 months into the physical job

I had lost enough weight in those 8 months (about another 50 lbs) that:

-my feet were smaller, so the boots did not hurt anymore. I learned to wear two pairs of socks and that solved a lot of the pain problems

-I lost enough weight to merit a new stomach and back brace, which was more comfortable to wear.

-my body got used to the orthotics and when I work a shorter shift, I actually feel the difference and now know the difference between my feet being "tired" (like a normal person experiences) and my feet being in pain.

-it took 6 months, but I transitioned from part time, to full time hours. I am still shattered at the end of the day/week...but less shattered than when I first started. So my stamina is up.

Two years later...

In April 2022, two years after the initial phone call that prompted this part of the journey I had lost 190 lbs. Was down to 270 lbs from 460 lbs.

July 2022 - First time on Stage since losing the weight

In July, I went to the Birthday party of friend that I have known for 20 years. I got up on stage to give a speech. It was my first time on stage since I began my journey.

August 2022 :

It is now official. The plateau stall that I have been in since April is over! As of August 2022, I am now at 200 lbs lost!

Was 460 lbs in April 2020, and I am now 260 lbs (more like 255 lbs actually, but who's counting... ).

60 lbs left to lose.

First Time Traveling since the weight loss - August 2022

I travelled from Montreal to Toronto. I was healthy enough to take the train, slim enough to be able to fit in the train bathroom, was able to fit in the seat, and had the energy to do all the walking and carrying our luggage. We toured the zoo, the CN Tower, Ripley's Museum, and way more... My first vacation in so many years.

Fit in the Montreal Metro subway system Turnstiles - September 2022

Non-scale victory... being able to fit through the turn-styles in the bus station/metro/subway systems... use to struggle to fit...sometimes had to wait for an attendant to open the side panel or wait in line for the double turn-styles...not anymore....been a long 2 years to get here...nothing comfortable about it.

October 2022 - My first Football game in almost 20 years. My son was with me.

My son asked me to take him to a Football game. I agreed, even though I was scared. Would I be able to handle the stairs? Would I be able to walk? Would I be able to stand in line for a long time? Would I even fit in the seat? Well, I am glad I faced my fear and went.

Dancing at a Wedding October 2022

I went to a wedding, and for the first time, instead of over eating at a wedding, I ate little and spent the entire night on the dance floor. I danced all night instead of ate all night. A real milestone

Sitting in a Restaurant Booth - November 2022

Took my son out for lunch after a trip to the orthodontist...Reason #94 to lose weight...to be able to fit inside of a restaurant booth!

Sat in the Non-Obese Chair at the Doctor office - December 2022

Non-Scale Victory. Doctor visit at the hospital this past Monday. Was able to sit in the normal chair. I fit...did not need to sit in the bariatric large chair... tiny victory after tiny victory...eventually, I will lose the rest of the weight, then the skin removal surgery (*about 20 lbs of lose skin so far all in the stomache) and then I can start with a new wardrobe...been a tough 2 years and likely going to be another 2 years...one day at a time.

Highlights from 2023

My First Hockey Game since losing weight - January 2023

I was gifted Hockey tickets and for the first time since losing weight, I went to a hockey game. First time I could fit in the seats in 20 years. Also, the very first time I was able to take my son to a game. The home team did not win, but it was still an unreal night.

My First Comic-con with my son - January 2022

I made it to taking my kid to Comic-con. In addition to the thrill of being there I also battled my anxiety and purchased a Transformer Soundwave character (a story I will share one day in the future that is related to childhood trauma). I am healing.

First Wrestling Show since losing the weight - February 2023

Haven't been able to attend a live wrestling show for a variety of health reasons. I LOVE wrestling. However it was something I could never share with my son...until now!

Need Only 1 Hospital Gown To Cover Me - March 2023

For the past 20+ years, I have always needed two hospital gowns everytime I needed to wear it for whatever variety of hospital visits necessary. Finally, for the first time I only needed to wear 1 hospital gown to fully cover me front and back!

Climb The Wall - April 2023

One of the reasons I lost over 200 lbs and entered into Obese Recovery was to be healthy enough to climb this small wall. For people who are healthy, this would be an easy task. 3 years ago, I was struggling to walk. Today with the help of eating better, exercising, weight loss surgery, wearing necessary support gear, I am changing my life, one day at a time.

2 hrs+ Interview about Obese Recovery Journey - April 2023

Cindy Little, host of the podcast A Healhier You: Little By Little interviews Coach Frank about his 200+lbs weight loss journey. The original interview lasted for nearly 2 hours and 30 minutes. This interview cover Frank's journey and included what started him out on this journey, his personal research into generational trauma, living with obesity, the challenges of recovery, Frank's non-scale victories and advice on how to conquer obesity once and for all. Cindy used the last 90 minutes of the full interview and broke them up into two 45 minute podcasts labelling them episodes 81 and 82. The youtube video (see below) is the full uninterrupted interview from beginning to end, cycling through many before and after photos of Coach Frank.

Fit in a Movie Theatre Seat - May 2023

Non-Scale Victory: Being able to fit in the movie theatre seat. Tried walking without my leg braces for this trip...my right knee is in a LOT of pain...going to need the braces for a little longer.

Interview about Weight Loss - May 2023

Peter Anthony Holder interviews Frank Kermit who is a relationship coach that has been on the program several times over the years. Frank a new coaching service that is near and dear to his heart. He’s now a certified weight loss coach, after he himself lost over 200 pounds. This is Frank's 18th appearance on the program.

Playing Street Hockey - May 2023

Playing Street Hockey with my kid for the first time ever. Haven't played street hockey for 40 years!

Updated the Metal Leg Braces - Summer 2023

I lost enough weight at this point that the metal leg braces I needed for work were too big. So I was able to get new custom metal leg braces made that were smaller than the first pair. The larger ones kept slipping off at work making it dangerous for me as it is a very physical job. I decided to decorate these new metal leg braces. I wear a lot of black. Black is a slimming color. I used to wear bright colors when I was younger. I decided to allow myself to get comfortable with bringing attention to my support gear. Battling on multiple fronts.

First metal leg braces

Second (smaller) metal leg braces

Confronted Abusers (Spring and Summer)

Part of my Obese Recovery is doing a LOT of therapy to get to the core of my eating addiction. I am processing so much, and at times I get overwhelmed with memories, emotions and things I have never fully processed. As part of this journey, I started to confront individuals that caused me harm in my childhood. The confrontations were intense and I will write about them in the future. For now, I am going to wait until I process them some more. Needless to say, I have to be careful. In one confrontation I almost lost control and attacked one of my abusers. Luckily I stayed in control long enough to say my peace and leave before any violence occurred. It was ...freeing in certain ways, while also feeling like a mental bandaid was being ripped off and re-opening old wounds.

Starting SINGING! - July 2023

At this point in my journey, I had done so much work in losing weight, getting healthy and doing so much therapy for my mental health, I had a revelation. It was time for me to sing. I have always wanted to sing, but as a kid was not allowed too, and as an adult I would punish myself from trying. I finally went for it. I joined the South Shore Saints Barbershop Chorus

Confronting Trauma + Visiting Graves - October 2023

When I was just starting high school, I watched my grandmother die in my bedroom. For the last 2 years or so of her life, she came to live with us, and slept in the bed next to mine in my bedroom. I watched her die from cancer over the course of those last 2 years of her life. The image of her lifeless body being carried out of my bedroom by the ambulance is something that has stayed with me. I never visited her grave. The last time I was there at the cemetary was her funeral. Her death was traumatizing for multiple reasons. I was a kid when it was happening. I should have gotten therapy. Instead I buried everything...until this month. I forced myself to go to her grave. This has been a trauma that I have avoided confronting for 37 YEARS... I decided it was time. I had a number of blocks to finding the location of the grave, but did not let that stop me...finally did what I had to do. I visited the grave. I heard a little voice inside me say, "Oh! There she is!" I am healing. In the new year I will go back after the thaw and put her photo on her grave. I need to see life there. I need to remember her how she was when she was alive, to combat the image I have of her dead suffering body in my bedroom. I will heal more.

Frank Meets Youppi! - October 2023

I finally was healthy enough to chase him down and meet him! Been wanting to do this since I was a little kid!!
To read the whole story click the image, it will take to you the blog article.

(Nov 2023) The Suburban Newspaper Article

I wrote an article about my battle with Obesity for The Suburban Newspaper.
To read the article, click on the image below and you will be taken to my blog to read the full article.

Sang in a Concert! November 18, 2023

This was a mega milestone for me. Frank Kermit (member of the South Shore Saints) got to experience a milestone in performing in his first ever Barbershop Concert. Not a bad performance for Frank considering he only started singing Barbershop 4 months ago.

Singing This Frog with The Daily Special Quartet - Nov 18 2023

On Nov 18 2023, I got to sing one of my favourite Kermit songs, "This Frog". Daily Special was the special guest quartet singing at the South Shore Saints Barbershop Chorus Annual Show. They granted me the chance to sing with them after the show (the After-Glow Party). I had two weeks to learn the song, and never practiced it with anyone. This video is the first time I ever sang that song with anyone. It was the highlight of my year. Healthy enough to learn to sing one of my most meaningful namesake songs.

Wrote my first Harmony Song that got Arranged! - November 2023

So it is official. I wrote an original Birthday song for my chorus to sing in videograms (like a singing telegram but with videos online). "Wonderful Birthday" Lyrics by Frank Kermit and Arranged by Robert Johnston. My first original Barbershop Song. Now all I need is for enough people to show up to learn to sing it

Update: December 2023.

I met with the plastic surgeon to discuss the skin removal surgery. At this point, I have about 30 lbs of hanging skin to remove. Due to my BMI (which is still high) it will be a high risk procedure for me. It seems that about 1 person in 13000 die on the operating table, or within the first 6 weeks of recovery. The surgery will take place at the earliest in the fall of 2024. I have until then to lose as much more weight as I can. As I deal with some of the mental health issues at the source of my obesity, I have stalled in my weight loss. The journey is not yet over.

This is what 30 lbs of hanging skin looks like

April 21 2024

I started my own Chorus in late November 2023 after singing in my first big concert with the other chorus. However I could not get anyone to join up in November or December. I learned the hard way that November to February was the worst time to start a chorus and recruit members. Between bad weather, colds, holidays, holiday bills...no one wants to join up and take part in something new. I shut it down for the rest of December and early January. In mid January I started it up again. Getting members was a slow process. It wasn't until late February that enough regular members started to join that we were able to practice realistically. I got the chorus booked to sing at a flea market fundraiser and in about 7 short weeks, my chorus sang it's first sing out. The sing out happened on April 21, 2024. Exactly 9 years on the anniversary of my emergency hernia surgery with complications. It is also on the anniversary of the first phone call from my doctor that started my journey of Obese Recovery 4 years ago. Just 4 years ago, I was barely able to walk...and now I am able to stand and sing. A lot can happen in 4 years one day at a time.

March 10 2024

UPDATE: Just wanted to share this moment... on Friday night when rehearsing with the NDG Encore Singing Chorus the group tackled a new song. An email was sent out earlier in the week asking everyone to practice this song. At the rehearsal, the group broke up into teams with each voice section working on their part, and then everyone came back together to sing this song for the first time. We did a few run throughs, and for a first night for a new song, it went really well. In a few weeks we will have it sounding amazing. What was that song? It was the Wonderful Birthday song...my song. The first song I ever wrote that was arranged for an acapella style of singing. On the way home after the rehearsal, as I was about to enter through the door I paused for a moment...5 years ago, I was over 450lbs barely able to walk and if I did walk it was with a cane and singing was just a hope, but not a major part of my life. Today, I have lost weight, work a physical job, can walk, started my own chorus and tonight got an ensemble of people to sing something I created. I get so caught up in the work I have to do, that sometimes I forget where I was and how I got here. It was a moment I celebrated in in quiet.

Reason #46 to lose weight: High School Reunion

One of the reasons on my list to lose weight was to be able to attend my next high school reunion. This is not about vanity... I wanted to live long enough and be health enough to travel to attend it in person. Well, I made it. June 15 2024. It was surreal for me to be there for more than one reason.

The first is that I wasn't sure I would live long enough to make it. The previous reunion I attended was in 2015 after my emergency hernia surgery. I even had two dear friend re-create a photo with me to demonstrate the weight loss (see below).

But what made it so surreal is that during the recovery process I have learned a lot about myself, and in following the steps of obese recovery had some conversations with people at the reunion that I wanted to speak to and make peace with them. It was very healing.

Another reason is that in working on my mental health, I am not in the same state of anxiety I was constantly in at the time I was a high school student. It was quite the learning experience to be with a group of people that knew me before I healed. To experience being the person I am now (the person I wanted to be) with this group of people was a wonderful experience. It really meant a lot to me to make it this far.

However, that night I learned of the passing of one of them who I both went to high school with, and working in the entertainment industry with for about 5 years. I lost touch with him back in 2006. I found out he died in 2020. It was a shock as he was as healthy as anybody I knew. He passed away while on the field playing sports from a massive heart attack.

Many of the people at the reunion have followed my obese recovery journey on social media, but I wanted them to all know how much it meant for me to be there, and to also take a moment to remember the people that did not live to join us; considering that I was almost one of the people that did not live to make it.

The following report about our High School Reunion appeared in the September 10 2024 edition of the EMSB Focus newsletter:

I gave this speech in June 2024. Little did I know that just 2 short months later in August 2024, someone would die. Someone that I went to elementary school, high school and college with. He did a lot for me. Helped me get a job, was nice to me when others were not....I will tell some of those stories at a later time. It was a shock that he died suddenly. I dedicated a video to him in August (see below).

July 2024 - Traded in Metal Leg Braces for Velcro

In July 2024, I was able to stop using my custom made metal leg braces (my second pair in two years) full time and now use over the counter velcro knee supports. After nearly 3 years of wearing them, the muscles in my legs have gotten stronger. I have been wearing them on and off for the last few months, giving them a chance to grow stronger. As of July, I no longer relied on the metal leg braces. Working slowly but getting there.

First set of leg braces

Second leg braces

Velcro leg braces

The Suburban, Aug 7 2024, Front Cover!

Encore NDG Chorus paints a portrait
By Joel Ceausu The Suburban

My chorus made the front page of The Suburban Newspaper! I have been a newspaper writer for years as a Dating and Relationship Coach. One of my stories made the front page, but it was not about me, it was an article I wrote about someone else. When I appeared in the newspaper about My Battle With Obesity, I had a mention on the cover, but the story was deeper into the newspaper. This time, my chorus was on THE FRONT PAGE with a photo of me! Click on the images to read the full story!!

August 24 2024

I was healthy enough to WALK AND SING at the same time during the NDG Arts Community Parade. This including singing my own song Joyous Birthday and we have sung this song in public and sang it to a child celebrating a birthday in the park with family. Life can be unreal . I had a relapse with Achilles Tendonitis and had to use a walker. I did it. I committed that I would crawl if I had too in order to be in the parade and walk and sing! The walker was helpful and I did it. I was exhausted, but I did it. Here are the videos

September 2024 - Taking Part in Obesity Walkathon

WWO's 3rd Annual Walkathon: Walk Against Obesity!

Took part in my very first walk-a-thon today! 4KM walk. I did it. I walked slow...but I walked. I was not the first person to finish, but I finished. More photos to come later. -Frank

World Without Obesity presents its 3rd Annual Walkathon. Let's walk together to promote health and raise awareness about obesity!

To go from barely being able to walk to participating in the Walk Against Obesity!

Get ready to lace up your sneakers and hit the pavement for a great cause. Our walkathon is back for the third year in a row, and we're more determined than ever to fight against obesity. Let's come together as a community and take steps towards a healthier future.
Event Details

Date: Saturday September 28, 2024
Time: Check-in at 10:30 AM
Location: 1260 Chem. Remembrance at Mount-Royal Park.

Bring your friends, family, and furry companions for a day of exercise and entertainment.

World Without Obesity is a worldwide, multidisciplinary association of physicians, dieticians and patients alike. Our leadership is led by Dr. Michel Gagner, a pioneer in weight-loss surgery whose vision for a happier, healthier tomorrow guides us to do what we do.

First time singing O' Canada - October 6, 2024

Oct 6 2024, The Encore NDG Singing Chorus sung O Canada for Monkland Ball Hockey. One of my reasons to get into Obese Recovery was to sing. One of those sing out goals is to sing the anthem of O Canada for a professional sports event. The chorus finally got to the point of being able to sing O'Canada. We sang for the Monkland Ball Hockey community club and recorded it. One step closer!

WGEM Montreal Internet Radio features Encore!

The chorus was featured as a spotlight segment on Montreal Internet Radio...our first radio media appearance!

October 19, 2024 World Singing Day

It happens TODAY! The NDG Encore Singing Chorus will be singing two of our songs at this event! Free event! If you show up, please help us out and record a video of it (our regular video person is out sick). Our first time taking part in a world-wide event! Our biggest audience yet (250+ people)....Be a part of our journey! Come and take part in World Singing Day with the NDG Encore Singing Chorus Saturday October 19! World singing day will be taking place Saturday Oct 19 from 2:00pm-3:30 (doors open at 1:30pm at the Cedar park United church in Pointe Claire; 204 Lakeview Ave, Pointe-Claire, Quebec H9S 4C5.
So far there will the the Acapella sounds chorus from Sweet Adelines, The quatre voix chorus from BHS, the Montreal City Voices from Harmony Inc , the Greater Montreal Chorus, the Encore NDG chorus and more. There is a possibility of up to 100 singers taking part. Each chorus is invited to sing 2 songs before we all join together to sing the World singing day song and theme song in unison.
It promises to be a unique and wonderful experience for everyone.
We are all invited to share this event with friend and of course with the media. They are encouraging each chorus to record short videos of their rehearsals and post them on social media with the hash tag #worldsingingday.
I hope all of you will try to attend and take part in this great singalong that is being held around the world. Thanks,
The 2024 WSD Song of the Year will be a combination of
“We Are The World” and “Imagine.”

October 23: Re-Visit my Happy Place

I took my kid to a career fair that is taking place...in my old high school. Have not been there in over 30 years...Interesting experience. High school was an unpleasant time in my life. I am still processing a lot of what happened to me during that period. The career fair tables were in the main space where our lockers (my locker) used to be. It was quite an experience to be in that space again being who I am now, having processed so much of my mental health. Below are photos from the places of that high school that I had some good memories. The spot in the corner of the cafeteria where I sat with my closest friends at the time, sometimes singing together. Well, I sang, the others just tapped the table, but hey, it made me happy. Next was the library. It was very different. Lots of chairs and the floor space covered with carpets, book shelves and student artwork all gone, and replaced into a lecture hall. I spent a lot of time in that library during lunch periods and after school. It was quiet, and either I read the newspaper (comics, Ann Landers, horoscopes), extra study time because I always had to put in more time due to my dyslexia. I also spent hours tutoring others...helping others helped me be a better student. But the one place where I had some of my worst moments and most of greatest moments was the high school auditorium. That auditorium seemed so much smaller than I remember it. First time being on that stage in 34 years. Little known secret that I can share now...I had the keys to the auditorium. In my graduating year I ran the Drama Club and entered a school board talent show. To be a student trusted with the keys to that place was my great joy and escape. I dared not tell anyone, and was told as much. There were times I would disappear and hang out in the auditorium just to be alone on a stage. When my kid and I arrived at the school, I immediately went looking for an administrator to see if they could allow me to visit the auditorium. They agreed. It made me happy. 4 years ago, I could barely walk and wished I could just visit that special happy place just one more time. Today...I did.

October 31 2024: Halloween

Stepped out of my comfort zone today... 2024 Halloween Costume Contest. Haven't wore outfits like this is many years. Could not fit in many of my old clothes...now some of them are too big for me! First time I fit those blue sparkle shoes and wore it in public since I got them 2 years ago. I think I got a shot of winning the 25$ gift card for groceries (may not have participated otherwise...groceries are expensive).

November 2024: Doctor Visit and Milestone Weight Loss

Well folks, it has been a long journey thus far, and it is going to take even longer still. Today I met with the surgeon for my skin-removal surgery. For those of you that may have forgotten, about a year ago, I saw the surgeon and he told me that I would have to lose at least 30 lbs more before he would do the surgery. Well, goal achieved. As of today I am 229 lbs (having lost 30 lbs in the past few months) and a grand total of 231 lbs lost since the beginning of this journey 4 years ago. I started at 460, and have now officially lost more weight that I currently weigh. I lost HALF of my original body weight (460 / 2 = 230). That is the good news. The bad news is that it could be up to a 2 YEAR WAITING period for the skin removal surgery. Due to the severity of my hanging skin and how it is causing me regular back pain and other complications, it could be less than that, or it could really take 2 years to get it done...also there is no scheduling it ahead of time. When they call me in for it, I have 2 weeks to prep. Even more bad news is that the government will only cover the bottom half of my hanging skin. If I want to do the top half of my hanging skin, I have to pay for it myself. If I want the upper torso liposuction to even out my torso, I have to pay for that as well. I will be getting a price quote for all of this soon. However, without knowing an exact date a few months ahead of time, that means whatever Go Fund Me I set up may only last for 2 weeks at most. Not much time to raise money. And if it does take up to 2 years, that means I have to continue with the pain that the hanging skin causes me at this point. I am happy I achieved my goal, but feel very defeated learning all this today. I was hoping I would be over this part of the journey by next spring. Looks like this is going to take longer than that....Set backs suck. Back to the grind and doing whatever I can in the meanwhile. Not giving up. Just not happy with the total outcome.

November 23 2024 - Santa Clause Parade Sing Out

I put smiles on the faces of children and families today with my first ever public Xmas sing out with NDG Encore Singing Chorus with Encore Four at Place Ville Marie for the 2024 Santa Clause Day Parade!

November 30 2024 - Concordia Comms Studies Reunion

Missing out on get togethers was something I did not enjoy when I was at my most obese. One of my reasons to motivate me to get healthy was so that when an invitation came in to get together, I would be able to make it. Other than social media in keeping up with their lives I had not seen many of these people in person in almost 30 years. It was a nice evening of catching up, old stories of the hours we spent together on various school projects, and a toast to the professors and fellow students that were no longer with us. Although I no longer work in that field, one thing that I experienced in spending time with these wonderful people was I remembered just how much I loved the art of making television. It was nice to have those feelings again, and something I may want to explore in my own way.

November 30 2025 to December 12 2025

One of my goals with the chorus was to be able to sing original songs in tribute to TV shows I really liked. These 3 are based on one of my favorite shows Cobra Kai. The original lyrics were written by me, and were performed by the Encore Trio. Unfortunately, I was not able to get anyone from the show to see them before the season finale of Season 6. Oh well. Perhaps one day someone from the show will see them. It was still a thrill for me to create these with my Encore Trio.

December 2024 - Discovered Shockwave therapy

With my achilles tendonitis still really causing me bad pain, I consulted a doctor who recommended I try shockwave therapy. I have to pay for it myself (not covered by insurance). So, I paid for one session. WHAT A DIFFERENCE! My left achilles tendonitis chronic pain is noticeably reduced. I have 4-5 more treatments to go when I can afford it. The idea that I might be pain-free of this in a few months....is unbelievable. I still have to do stretching and other means of pain management, but I am feeling hopeful for 2025. I will be able to continue with this treatment when I have the money. Just in case you wondered...it hurt A LOT. The treatment really hurts. It hurts more before it heals, but when it heals it heals good.

January 8, 2025 - Release of first Official Encore Trio Music Video

After a year of building this up, I finally have my own Trio of singers. Ideally would like to find a fourth to make it a quartet. In the meantime we are recording songs to be released and videos make me happy. This first one was of the TV show Math Patrol that I watched as a child. I was three when that show first came on air. Math Patrol was a children's educational television show produced by TVOntario from 1976 to 1978 and aired by the public broadcaster in the late 1970s and the early 1980s. Very proud of this first music video of a Canadian Television program tv theme song, and what I hope is going to be the first of many Canadian TV theme songs the Chorus performs. When I first started the chorus I managed to get in contact with Chris Vanderburgh, the original producer of the show and the author of the theme song. He gave me permission to sing it and even submitted the music sheets for it. It took almost a year to get it arranged and turned into a video to keep my word to him. He was thrilled. It was very meaningful that I could do that for him, as a thank you for the joy his theme song gave me as a kid. My inner child is so happy and fulfilled right now.

January 12, 2025

What the Happy Days Reunion means to me

In honour of the Happy Days cast reunion happening at Megacon Orlando in February 2025, my Encore Trio recorded and released of video of us singing the Happy Days theme song. I wanted to take a moment to explain what these characters (and the actors that portray them) mean to me. Over the last 4 years I have been in obese recovery losing 230 lbs and slowly reclaiming my life back. One of my motivations to lose weight was that I wanted to learn how to sing. So 18 months ago, at age 50 I joined a Barbershop chorus and began singing, which led me to starting my own chorus and now singing in my Trio.

I remember watching Happy Days. The characters, serious storytelling for plot points, and goofy enough at times to keep people laughing. Mostly I remember the music and the singing…it drew me in and I became a fan.

The character that I most related to was Potsie Weber (portrayed by Anson Williams). Potsie was often presented as the least intelligent character and that made for some great comic relief. In my family, I was the least intelligent. I had undiagnosed dyslexia and that made me a less than average student. So both Potsie and I shared the trait is not being the smartest in the group, but still being a nice enough guy that was good to his friends. However there was one thing that Potsie could do…and do really well. Potsie could SING. Even as a kid, I wanted to act, to sing, to be on stage…but it was not something that was encouraged by my parents. Their rule was that I would only be allowed to do such arts if I were to get top grades first. If my grades weren’t high enough, I did not get to participate. As a dyslexic kid that could simply not get straight A’s, that means that even participating in school theatre plays (my only outlet available) was not an option. Potsie sang and sang well. It showed the kid I was that: yes, even if you aren’t always the smart one, you could still be good at something. There was even an episode where Potsie used singing to be able to remember his studies for a biology exam. I can still hear “Pump, pump, pump… your blood”. What a lesson! I still use music and melody to remember things today. One of my reasons to get healthy was so that I could learn to sing. I know I can do it even if I am still not the smart one, even if my brain functions differently. I know because I grew up listening to Potsie sing. Thank you Mr Williams.

Most people that grew up with me would assume that the character I related to the most would be Ralph Malph (portrayed by Don Most). As a very little kid, I read joke books, mainly watched sitcoms and would try to get people to laugh. I wanted to be liked and making people laugh was a way to be liked. It worked for the most part. My cousins sometimes remark how I would approach them and ask, “Wanna hear a joke?” Ralph was funny, and the thing is, he knew it. Ralph wasn’t just funny. He was brave too. He got in a boxing ring knowing there was little chance of him winning the fight, and a big chance that he was going to get hurt. He was scared, but he still showed up to fight for Kitty (if you are a fan of Happy Days, you know who I am talking about). He’s still got it. But the thing that I remember most about Ralph was his relationship with his father. He was close with his father. He and his father shared the same sense of humor. That is what stood out to me most about Ralph; because I would have wanted that kind of relationship with my own father. My father never laughed, and rarely outwardly expressed himself. I tried really hard to make my father laugh, but I never could.   I never got to have that kind of relationship with my dad. He is gone now, but I have an AMAZING relationship with my own son. I knew that I did not have to have the relationship with my son that my father had with me. It could be different. Ralph wasn’t really a fighter. Neither was I. But he could make people laugh and be entertaining…and he had shown an example of what a close father-son relationship could be like.   My son and I laugh together and that brings me peace. Thank you Mr Most.

Richie Cunningham (portrayed by Ron Howard) was the character that I could admire. He never backed down from a fight. He stood up for his friends. He spoke up when seeing an injustice. He spoke his mind. He took all of that and went to school for investigative journalism. I used to think that if Richie was around in real life, that he would know the kid I was, and that he would speak up for me whenever I faced an injustice. I could have used a Richie in my life. There was an episode where Richie broke a story of corporate corruption for his school newspaper. The scenes showing how hard he worked on it and how it caused the editor of the paper grief due to the public reacting to it, only to discover that the editor was thrilled with the effect. The real moment of learning came when he still got a lower grade than he felt he merit. Again, he spoke up for himself talking about all the effort and work he did. Then the editor said, “I know you can do better.” That moment stuck with me. Even after he worked so hard and did good, doing his absolute best, someone told him that he could still do better. I think because I struggled with school and writing so much, maybe seeing how hard he worked and his willingness to do even better, not for any grades, but because it was about doing your best regardless of any grades…it helped me be a little more OK that my grades were never going to be high enough. Thank you Mr Howard.

The character I wanted to be the most like was Arthur Fonzarelli aka The Fonz (portrayed by Henry Winkler). Yeah, no kidding. Who didn’t want to be like The Fonz. Fonz was tough, Fonz was cool and Fonzie got all the girls. Plus, Fonzie was Italian just like me. As a teenager, I was once faced with a machine that would not turn on. Fed up and frustrated I decide to hit it like the way Fonzie would hit the jukebox. Didn’t work. I am not The Fonz. But I did get to do some Fonzie-like things in my life. One example is when I have a slow dance with a lady and when the song changes to faster music and all the other couples space apart to dance fasted with the music, I still slow dance with my date. I was a big dork, but I had little moments of magic like that, because I had a role model to emulate. Fonzie was able to be assertive, without being a jerk.   Fonzie dated multiple women at the same time and did so openly and honestly; Fonzie never cheated on the women he dated. They all knew he dated other women and were willing to share him. He had photos of the women he was dating on the wall of his apartment for all his other women to see. He never lied to any of them. That is what I admired most about that character. I so wanted to be Fonzie, and for a time I got to be more like him…but I will never be him. No one will ever be as good a Fonz as Fonzie. But I tried. Thank you Mr Winkler.

I had purchased the rights to the Harmony version of the Happy Days theme song back in 2024 with the intent of learning it one day but never getting the chance to get to it. When I first heard about the Happy Days reunion I asked my Encore Trio members Raffi and Kimberley if they would be willing to learn it, record it, and make a video and get it all done as soon as possible. I approach them on January 2nd. They agreed, and within 10 days we learned the song, recorded the audio, shot a video, got it edited and released for January 12th. These people are my own happy-days gang. There is something very meaningful in this for me. The Happy Days gang that I got to watch sing while growing up, are now going to watch me sing. I get to entertain those that entertained me.   This is part of the reason I entered Obese Recovery; why I got healthy. To sing and give to others, for the ways people gave to me. I still have a way to go in my obese recovery and as such am unable to travel to Orlando for this reunion. if any of the cast members watches the video, I would welcome to hear your reactions. And if any of the cast members reads this and if you are ever in Montreal Quebec Canada, I hope to meet you in person and who knows, maybe even offer you a concert in person.

January 23, 2025

DuckTales is an American animated television series produced by Walt Disney Television Animation. It originally premiered on syndication on September 18, 1987, and ran for a total of 100 episodes over four seasons, with its final episode airing on November 28, 1990. Based upon Uncle Scrooge McDuck and other Duck universe comic books created by Carl Barks, the show follows Scrooge McDuck, his three grandnephews Huey, Dewey, and Louie, and close friends of the group, on various adventures, most of which either involve seeking out treasure or thwarting the efforts of villains seeking to steal Scrooge's fortune or his Number One Dime. Sung by the Encore Trio of the Encore NDG Singing Chorus. Their website is EncoreEncoreEncore.com. The chorus sings Television Show Theme Songs (TV tunes), and movie hits. Ducktales theme song written by Mark Mueller. Arrangement by Mike La Scala (of Shoptimus Prime Barbershop Quartet) Transcription and Learning tracks by Raphael Rosenwald Video editing, directing and camera work by Raphael Rosenwald. Dedicated to Luigi Calderisi of the South Shore Saints Barbershop Chorus

January 29, 2025

In order to re-structure the chorus to continue to make it accessible for people of special popuations and to accomodate those with a desire to sing, but who are unable to sing harmony, the chorus was re structured into two groups. One if the unison group and the other (for more advanced singers) is the harmony group. Without a director for the unison group, I decide to step up and be an amateur director for the unison group as a means to save the chorus. In this video is one of the first times I directed. The unison group is working on a list of songs for Humbertpalooza that are all cat themed.

Humbertpalooza is a memorial being held for an NDG neighbourhood cat named Humbert. The Encore NDG Singing Chorus will be performing songs from their Cat Collection of Songs. This is one of them. Join the chorus and take part in Humbertpalooza. Visit EncoreEncoreEncore.com for more details. Encore NDG Singing Chorus has Encore Unison, Encore Harmony, and the Encore Trio. New singers are always welcome, all levels. "Soft Kitty" is a children's song, popularized by the characters Sheldon and Penny in the American sitcom The Big Bang Theory, and which elsewhere may be rendered as "Warm Kitty. The Big Bang Theory is an American television sitcom created by Chuck Lorre and Bill Prady for CBS. It aired from September 24, 2007, to May 16, 2019, running for 12 seasons and 279 episodes.

February 8 2025

Today was a first. First time I attend two funerals on the same day. This is now 4 I have attended so far this year. The first is someone who was nice with a good heart that I went to high school with. The other was someone that was one of the first guest of my 2004 Internet radio show. The other two earlier this year...one was one of the singers I sang with in my first big barbershop concert. The other was a man that I met that night who was in the audience of my first concert. Wishing peace and healing to all that knew them. The reason I mention this here is because one of my reasons to get healthy was to be healthy enough to be able to attend funerals. I missed so many due to poor health.

February 16, 2025

Sing Canada Harmony grant scholorships helped me get my chorus to a great start. So we created a song for them to share with their followers to sing THANK YOU SING CANADA HARMONY. Also in this video is a call to arrangers who would be willing to create and submit Canadian TV show theme songs in harmony format. Sing Canada Harmony is going to share this video and message in their March-April newsletter. Building our project one day at a time.

February 19, 2025

UPDATE: A New Hope. Today I met with a new surgeon for my skin removal surgery. The meeting was very promising. When I posted my story on social media and feeling so bad about having to wait up to 2 more years for the surgery, someone reached out to me to tell me she went through the same thing, until she found another surgeon that was outside of the Montreal city centre. She referred me to her surgeon. I met with him and it was all good news. First, I will have 4 weeks notice for the surgery, not just 2 weeks. Next it will happen within 6 months to 12 months, so it will happen later in 2025 instead of potentially taking until 2027. Finally, it will likely cost me only 5000$ instead of the $15000 that I was original quoted. I feel like this particular journey is coming to an end and I will be able to move forward.

February 27 2025

Today I completed 18 therapy sessions. I cannot afford to continue paying for therapy. These 18 sessions that I have been doing for the last few months were paid for by a government program. They have been intense and I got to talk about many things that I have never shared with anyone. For the first time, many of the sources of my obesity, stories of my traumas were brought up and shared openly. I have faced some of my worst personal demons. These past few months I have faced so many hurtful memories. It was a learning process of healing and finding new ways to cope with the core hurts. I feel different. I still have a lot more work to do, but now have some new tools to deal with my challenges. We will see what comes of all this.

February 27 2025

UPDATE: Have not posted a photo in a while. Was taking some body measurements today. I am now a size 42 (natural waist) and a 47 where I have the hanging skin to be removed with surgery. My original body waist was 78. I am half the man I used to be. In the photo I now fit into one pants leg of my largest pair of pants I wore at my biggest. It has been 4 years of hard work.

March 14, 2025

I got to experience a very special moment. In 1997, I was part of a Great Canadian moment as the Bowser and Blue BumDarts guy in their TV special Something Bowser Something Blue, that was broadcast across the country. Now, 28 years later, I got to sing a Bowser and Blue Song (Everybody's Irish on Saint Patrick's Day) and....Bowser and Blue put the video of my chorus singing, on their own Youtube channel. 4 years ago, I could barely walk. Today I sang a song that allowed me to give back to Bowser and Blue for all they gave to me 28 years ago.

That’s a great story, Frank - and we love the chorus! Beautiful
-George Bowser

March 16, 2025

The chorus participated in the Montreal St Patricks Parade for 2025. This is the 200 year anniversary of the parade. We will be singing at the parade. The song is When Irish Eyes are Smiling. Unfortunately, our sound system did not work and we were not able to play our songs for the parade audience. However, I did achieve a personal victory. I WALKED the length of the parade! A few years ago I could barely stand...today I walked the length of a parade without a walker. Only had my velcro leg supports. It took me two full days to recover. I was in pain...it was worth it.
From Fort Street to Bleury Street (2.8 km). This included a lot of standing around as there were pauses in the parade. 4 people in the parade walked, while the rest of the chorus road in vehicles. I was one of the 4. The four of us walked up to families with kids that were there to watch the parade and sang short segments of our songs.

March 16, 2025

Also on March 16, 2025, I made my return to CJAD 800 AM radio to be interviewed as a Dating and Relationship Coach. The last time I was on that station was on my last episode of the Dating Dilemmas #102 segment of the program Passion (my 144th appearance overall on the Passion show) with host Dr Laurie Betito back on February 27, 2019. Frank Kermit Dating and Relationship Coach returns to visit CJAD 800 AM to be interviewed by Lola Kalder sometime between 9:30 pm and 10 pm Sunday March 16th on the topic of Meet-Cutes and dating in the digital age.

April 5, 2025

I attended the 2025 United Irish Societies of Montreal Awards Banquet and Dinner Dance Ball. An invitation was extended to me and my wife Jade. First time ever that I was at a Ball as an invited guest. Believe it or not, it was my singing that earned me the invitation (I'm not fully believing it)! Special thanks to Les Petits Anges Charity The Little Angels and Director April Collins.

April 7, 2025

It is finally starting to happen! Today I had my pre-operation medical examination. About 4 hours in total. Surgery is set to happen within the next 7 months. It is starting to get very real.

April 20th 2025

Not sure how to react to all of this. So I am just going to post this update as is.
Today is the anniversary of the call I got from my doctor telling me I had diabetes.
Today, I brought my chorus to sing at a Cat Memorial called Humbertpalooza.
It was my first time directing a chorus.
All new songs that we had to learn over the last few weeks (Cat-themed songs).
And for my directorial debut the event was covered by the CBC as well as Global TV News.
I was interviewed for the Global story and the chorus (with me directing) appears on screen.
It has been a wild ride and it was a great way to celebrate my 5 year anniversary of the start of my health journey.
The CBC also covered the event and the footage shows a lot of the chorus singing.

April 26 2025

Tonight I went bowling with co-workers. I normally do not do social outings with co-workers but I wanted to push myself. It is the first time I bowled in the last 20+ years. I bowled and had fun...but I am in so much pain right now. Even with my velcro knee braces, my knees are killing me. And being so out of practice, I really sucked for the first few games. So I started to practice some positive Visualizations of me scoring strikes. My bowling started to improve, just using that self hypnosis. Eventually I got a STRIKE! That was awesome. I kept doing it...and regardless of sucking the majority of the time, I ended up to 10 strikes and splits over the course of playing for 3 hours. I am resting now...it was a good thing to go out tonight. I need to be more social again. I need to go out and have more in person interactions. I need to regularly stay physically active. And I even got a photo to celebrate the moment!

June 20, 2025

Got an appointment to do a CT Scan of my abdomen for my upcoming surgery. About 10 years ago, I had emergency hernia surgery and the result of that was to put a metal mess in my abdomen. This is something the surgeon for the skin removal surgery will need to check out. This means that the surgery date is coming up! Sometime in the next 5 months, it is going to happen. It is really going to happen!

July 2025

Funny incident occurred. I was at a senior residence visiting someone and the process there is to hand in a photo ID in order to get a key phob that will allow the visitor to access the elevator for the floor of the resident you want to visit.
I handed in my ID card, got the key phob and made my visit.
When it was time to leave, I went back to the front reception desk to hand back the key phob and retrieve my photo ID.
The receptionist could not find my photo ID!

I waited as she searched, insisting it was not there.
Then she asked me my name. I told her.

She looked carefully at the ID cards in her possession.
She then said, as she picked up a card: "This is your name, but this is NOT YOU!"

I had to explain to her that "yes, this is me...I lost 230 lbs". The photo in the ID is over 5 year old and from a time when I was still obese. She did not recognize me from the photo alone.

The receptionist and I then had a conversation about my journey and that it would likely be a good idea to update my Photo ID sooner than later.

It was a very touching moment.

August 2025 - sang My Way for a senior home

I was visiting a senior home and they had a karaoke day! I started taking part and entertaining the seniors there. It seems they are fans, so I got to go back and perform in my chorus shirt and hat and got to make a video to sing to them. The residents at the home are some of my biggest ever fans. I still do not think I am a good singer. I always tend to believe that people are just being nice and tolerating me. But these people, make me feel their appreciation is genuine.

August 29, 2025 - Frank on The Mountain Top Podcast

Frank on the Mountain Top Podcast

Host Scot McKay writes: He's Frank because he has to be. After years and years, I finally have my long-time friend Frank Kermit back on the show. He has always been about straight talk when it comes to women, men, sex, dating and relationships...which is probably why he and I made friends immediately and that friendship has endured. In this long-overdue episode, we talk about the strange rise in bitter, hurt, resentful people--both men and women--and how so many of us got this way. Resentment is the quiet poison that eats men alive. It wrecks your masculine presence, makes you unattractive to women, and slowly destroys your edge in life. Naturally, we kick off the conversation with a searing discourse on self-imposed limiting beliefs, and how the media actually reinforces them. And then, what's up with all those long checklists women schlep with them on dates? And on the other hand, why is it that the less success with women a guy has had, the "pickier" he might become? And what's up really going on when we play "Whack-A-Mole" with one excuse after another for not succeeding with women, to the point where we just get angry rather than actually doing something about it? Why is it so true that 'hurt people hurt people'? And what if 'Mr. Nice Guy' really has something pent up under the surface? As it turns out, getting over any resentment that's built up within us--especially toward our family and women--has to come from a place of genuine desire, not to mention raw, masculine courage. Does that mean actually confronting those who have hurt you? That's for you to decide. f you've been into men's dating and relationship stuff for years, you might wonder why you haven't heard from Frank in a few years. Well, as it turns on he was on one hell of a personal journey...losing 230 pounds (!) You'll get the lowdown on that as well.

September 13 2025

Reason to lose weight # 168. Originally one of my reasons to lose weight was to be able to live long enough and be healthy enough to attend a high school reunion. Well I accomplished that in 2024. Once that was done, I added a new reason to lose weight. I wanted to sing to my graduating class at the following high school reunion. This new incarnation of the chorus that I was able to assemble for the reunion is new-ish and could have used a few more rehearsals, there just was not enough time. But given that my surgery is coming up in a manner of weeks and there is a chance that this could have been my very last opportunity to sing to them, I took it. This is something I have been hoping to do since my experiences (some good, some bad) with high school musicals. I was able to tick this off my bucket list. I got to right a wrong and it was healing, even if I felt we could have used more rehearsal time. I am grateful to the reunion organizers for indulging me on this journey.

Fall 2025 - Started a Go Fund Me

October 22, 2025

The Suburban Newspaper featured an article I wrote about my weight loss entitled Half The Man I used To Be.
To read the article on the blog, please click on HALF THE MAN I USED TO BE

October 29 2025, Hockey Night in Canada

Growing up my dad would watch Hockey Night in Canada on TV. I was not into watching hockey on TV. With my SPD, it was too difficult for me to follow along on television. I much rather watching a live game in person now as an adult. But the one thing I do remember and have always loved is the Hockey Night in Canada theme song.

I had this song arranged as a unison 2 part song instead of a harmony song due to the challenges of attracting and keeping harmony singers. I hope to record this song again with a larger group of singers. For now though, this ticks off another bucket list and reason for me to lose weight and keep going.

One day, I want to sing the national anthems at a Hockey Game and then I hope to sing a few hockey related songs in the building neat the concession stands for the hockey fans. I would like this to be one of those songs.

That song was a nice part of my childhood.

November 2025

One of the projects that I sought to do with my chorus was my first original song in French. I always struggled with French and after working a physical job in retail dealing with the public, my french has greatly improved. So I spent a few months working out the lyrics to an original song that I would like to sing for the Quebec National Holiday of St-Jean Baptiste day (coming up in June 2026).
The Song is entitle Coeur Québécois (the Heart of the Quebecer)

I finally got it recorded and released

Coeur Québécois- chanson pour la fête nationale du Québec de la Saint-Jean-Baptiste

December 2025 - a very depressing time

I was suppose to have had the surgery by now. I was suppose to be done with this chapter of the story by Christmas. I wanted to spend Christmas with my extended family, trim, healthy and recovered fully from my surgery. But it did not happen.

There were many factors that caused this not to happen. One of which was the government and the doctors of the province getting into a conflict. This caused some medical practitioners to leave the province including anesthesiologist and that shortage caused a slow down in which surgeries are to get done and when. Because I have done a good job making myself healthier, and I considered less risky and thus was capable of being put at a later date.

There was no family get together in December for other various reasons, so my wife, son and I spent a quiet Xmas at home.

As the last 3 months went on, working 3 jobs and waiting and waiting for the surgery call that never game, my mental health did suffer. At that point, I even stopped updating this online journal. I knew intellectually it would happen eventually, but the thought of carrying all this extra weight and the pain I was in, and for all I know the surgery could have been post-ponded even more months, just did me in.

At work, I hurt my knee and needed physio therapy. It is costly but necessary. All that extra pain that I would not have been in had I had the surgery in the autumn....I checked out and stopped posting my journey.

Christmas 2025 - First Puppet Human Xmas songs

It is no secret that I am a fan of Muppets (including Sesame Street, Fraggles, etc...). I have been fascinated by puppets since childhood. I got to do something for the very first time. For the first time, I sang as a puppet in a Human-Puppet Duet. Our goal was to produce Xmas videos and during the pre-production meeting I had the idea of singing my part as a puppet. Amit, my co-singer and Cindy our admin were in full support. Turns out Amit and I sound really good together.
We used the chorus vests as a puppet barrier, the trademark colour-bars curtains, and some puppet costume and props from the local thrift stores and Dollarama.

Using the same Xmas songs from the chorus sing out last year, here are the results!

January 5, 2026- Frank on The Purple Passion Podcast

In this unfiltered conversation, men’s dating coach turned health advocate Frank Kermit joins Dr. Stacy to share the raw truth about sex, intimacy, and love after massive weight loss. From his battle with diabetes to his upcoming reconstructive surgery, Frank opens up about how healing his body forced him to face old trauma, changing attraction dynamics, and a new kind of vulnerability in his marriage.
This episode explores the emotional and sexual side of transformation—how to communicate through change, reconnect in a new body, and rediscover what intimacy really means when the physical layers fall away.

Due to the content, this video can ONLY be played on youtube. Click on the video space below and you will be re-directed to youtube.

January 2026 - Got My Surgery Date!!!

Near the end of January I got my surgery date. It is going to be Friday March 27 2026. That news felt unreal. I had been waiting so long. It has been so long in fact that I have to do a new Pre Op appointment. Between the 3 jobs, my physical exhaustion and depression, it took every ounce of energy I had to keep up with work and the chorus. I am still only coming out of it now and only started to update my online journal recently. If you see any jumbles in my posts in this journal between last summer and today, now you know why. It is actually early Feb as I write this and trying to fill in some of the highlights that I forgot to post about. Depression is a hell of a thing.

February 23, 2026 - new Pre OP appiontment

March 24 2026 - The Surgery! (from week before to week after)

UPDATE: After Surgery! I have been home now since Tues March 31 and been meaning to post this update sooner, however the recovery has been...brutal and I have not been able to be fully present enough until today to make this post.

We have a lot to catch up on.

So lets start with the week before surgery. The week before surgery, I took some unused vacation days that I have been saving for the surgery. I have not taken a vacation since 2022. I always save my vacation days to use as sick days for those days that I (or someone in my family is sick and needs me at home or at a hospital). I push myself working 3 jobs and was very close to a burn out when I finally got to take a few days off before the surgery. In those days I tried to get as much done as I could to set things up for my chorus, and take care of as many lose ends as I could for my family, just in case I don’t wake up. It also gave me the chance to stop taking any pain meds I used, to be able to work, as well as all supplements and vitamins that I take on a daily bases.

Side note: being close to a burn out is not the smartest nor healthiest thing I could have done before the surgery. As I will learn.

On Tues March 24, I arrive at the hospital for my surgery. I was ready. Mix of feeling terrified and excited. Never been excited for a surgery before. This has been a long time coming. I waited for this day for the last 5 years. I made it. Now just have to survive the thing.

Go into surgery and I am on the operating table. They are starting to fill me with the Anastasia. Been through this part before...one second I am getting ready to go under and the next second I am waking up. Well, what was suppose to normally average be a 2-3 hrs surgery ended up being 4.5 hrs.

I wake up in the post op recovery room. I am told that the surgery went well, and there were no complications during the surgery. the nurse in the recovery room said something that looking back makes me wonder something. I said I was surprised that I was not in the same level of pain I was expecting. I normally wake up from surgery in a lot of pain, but this time, the pain was manageable. The nurse laughed and said, "Oh, I gave you a LOT of painkiller". Now given what happened later that night, I wonder if I did wake up earlier in lots of pain and they dosed me up with so much painkiller that I do not remember? Anyways, I lie there for a while until they bring me to my overnight hospital room. At this point my wife joins me.

I look down at my body and I can see my legs. My torso is wrapped in a black velcro material binder, under which is a lot of stitches and white padding all taped to my skin. NO BULGING roll of fat as far as I can see. Feels unreal.
Total Weight Removed:
-16 lbs of flesh and fat
-2 liters of fluid fat through Liposuction
Now here is something…in theory, the scale should reflect a loss of 16-20 lbs right? Wrong. My whole body is swollen with inflammation. On the scale I am actually 10 lbs heavier than when I walked in. It will not be until a few weeks from now that I will be whatever my new actual weight is.
Doctors showed me photos of the amount of hanging skin cut off. (I asked him for photos). It was a unique experience to see my lower stomach hanging skin on a table, in a photo, not attached to me anymore.

Get to the hospital room. I am still weak, tired, in disbelief and surprised at the lack of major pain. Also unable to move much, nor go to the bathroom. They tell me that is normal when I have so much Anastasia and pain meds in my body at the same time.
Wife goes home and I spend my first night in the hospital alone.
I am only scheduled to be there one night and to be sent home the next day. I cannot wait for the next day release. It is going to be a happy day for me. I come home in triumph! I did it. I worked my ass off (literally) for 5 years. It was very painful, raw, and completely out of my comfort zone. I would be celebrating for sure! I was going to post the story, a couple of photos, and enjoy my time off.
That did not happen.
At some point during the night of the 24th, morning of the 25th, I was being monitored for my vital signs and my blood pressure was going down.
Next thing I know, the nurse is keeping me hooked on to the monitor machines, and is checking in every 15 min, checking my blood pressure. I started to get a pain on the back of my left rib cage. I asked if I was having a heart attack and the nurse asked me additional questions (do you have pain in your arm?, etc…) and based on that the nurse said, no, but I did not understand what was going on. The nurse just said my blood pressure is low and they are keeping an eye on it.
It was a long night, and I do not have direct clear memory of it. I think I might have gotten some sleep, or perhaps I might have passed out. I do not know. I just remember the nurses kept taking my blood pressure and asking if I urinated since the surgery (no, I still had not).

The next morning, the nurse staff was coming in regularly, but less frequently, and my wife and son came to spend the day with me. The day went by with visits from everyone that needed to see me (doctors on staff, including the surgeon). All mentioned that the drop in blood pressure was significant but not uncommon after this kind of major surgery. They all told me wait and see, and that another doctor would come in to talk to me about the blood pressure. They tell me that I am to stay in the hospital another day at least.
Drat!
My happy day is going to have to be pushed forward by one more night in the hospital.
So my focus was on how I would get released the next day, and the happy day I planned for when I got home. I was in a good place mentally and in a good mood. Even with the pain, I moved as much as I could and co-operated with all they wanted. Lots and lots of blood tests and always checking my Blood Pressure levels, which they tell me has been going up slowly. Good news right? Sure…but I still did not urinate, which they kept asking me again and again too.
Then came in the new Doctor to explain my Blood Pressure (BP) situation to me.
Great! I bet he is going to tell me that with my BP levels going back up slowly and how well I have been taking care of myself for 5 years changing everything I do and now losing a total of 260 lbs when this is all over…that I am in great shape and I can in fact go home just one day late and have my happy day! That’s what he’s going to tell me right???

NOPE.

He comes in and says yes, the surgery went well, but my blood pressure went down to 60 (usually should be between 100 and 130, and I am usually 110-120, so pretty good). It went down to half of that. The doctor goes on to say:
My body may be experiencing a complete shut down of my kidneys and my heart may be showing signs of a mini-heart attack.
At this point, it is possible that all of that was due to the blood pressure going so drastically low and that if my blood pressure goes back up and stabilizes, I might regain the function of my kidneys and heart. However, there is no way to know for sure at this moment. All we can do is wait and see.
It is possible that all the pain meds I have been on for the last few months have damaged my kidneys and that the surgery (and subsequent loss of blood pressure) may have finally pushed my body to its limits. My inability to urinate was also cause for alarm, as if I do not start to void, they would have to use a catheter. (for those that followed me in 2015 when I had emergency hernia surgery, you know the damage a catheter did to my body that time, and I was stuck with a super-public catheter for nearly 9 months of painful recovery. Panic sets in)
I ask the doctor if I am looking at ending up on dialysis for the rest of my life, if this means I may need a transplant in the future, and if both my kidney and heart are damaged, how much longer I would realistically have.
Doctor says it is all way to early to discuss any of that. Right now, the focus is to do a series of tests to see what could be causing both kidney failures as well as the heart problems.
Lucky my family was there to get the news with me. Saved me the trouble to telling them. We all got this news a short time before my family left for the night.
After my family left, what was the suppose to be the night of my happy day, turned into a very dark night of thoughts and feelings.
I worked my ass off (literally) to lose weight and get healthy and in the process, pushed by body to its limits and damaged my body in same ways that obesity would have ended it.
5 full years of pushing myself, exercise, diet, therapy, weight loss related surgeries, complete change of lifestyles, sacrifices…battling demons that I never tackled before…for all of it to end like this…worse off than I was before I started.
All the tests I did before the surgery showed that my heart and both kidneys were in peak health! My diabetes was in remission 4 years. My asthma in remission for years. I wake up from surgery and the blood pressure going so low, and now facing possible permanent damage.
1 in 13000 people die in this surgery either on the operating table, or during the recovery. I knew there was a risk. I knew I was in the top 10% of heaviest patients. I knew something like this could happen. I also went into this surgery the healthiest I have ever been and did my absolute best to prepare…and yet here I was.

The reality that I might actually still die from this was sinking in.
What is also scary is that…there was a small part of me that was hoping I would die.
I have a lot of reasons to live…to watch my son grow up and be there for him. To continue to take care of my wife. I have coaching clients that depend on me. Seniors and their families that rely on me at my senior companion job. A department at my physical job that I help manage. A newly formed singing chorus with excited singers that is booked to sing at my biggest event yet. I have friends that I want to see, family that I wish to watch grow up and dna matches around the world (distant cousins) that I want to travel and meet in person all of whom I met when researching my family tree.
Having people count on you all the time can be a burden and a pressure that drains a man. But having people count on you can also be a strength too, because for them I push myself forward even when I do not think I can.
But in the last couple of years I have also grown tired of this life. I am tired of people I trusted who betrayed me. I am tired of working so hard just to maintain the status quo and never getting ahead. This includes financially as well as with my weight loss where I have not been able to lose any more weight and all efforts went into maintenance to stay at the weight I was and not gain any back. These past 5 years, I have battled so many bad memories and personal demons to get this far that my mental state is constantly grim. Physically, mentally and emotionally burnt out. That is how I went into this surgery.
So now I wonder if I somehow brought this on myself.
Did I really want to die?
Well, if I did here was my chance.
And if I did not, I had another fight ahead of me.
I did not sleep that night. I stayed up …thinking.
I did laugh at one thought.
I remember when I made the decision to get healthy that I would do whatever it takes even if it kills me. Those were my thoughts 5 yrs ago. I vowed that I would push myself to my absolute limits, even if it meant that I pushed too hard….
I literally almost killed myself in order to get healthy. The irony of this made me chuckle when I was alone.
The next step:
So over the course of the next 6 days (Mar 25 to Mar 31) the hospital ran me through a number of tests and procedures. These include daily blood tests, CT scans of my abdomen, heart and kidneys, lots of IV fluids, 3 blood transfusions, visits from the surgeon, a new cardiologist for my heart and the new doctor that oversaw my process on the recovery floor and getting me to get up and walk around the floor of the hospital.
I had two drain tubes coming out of my body with fluid catchers on the end (they were like little mini footballs). They had to be drained every morning and every night, and the fluid amounts noted to keep track of the liquid I was losing (necessary for healing, but also costing me fluids lowering blood pressure. They were a real pain to manage when moving, getting in and out of bed, going to the bathroom, had to always be mindful they were hanging there, it was uncomfortable and painful. I could only sleep on my back the entire recovery and it hurt.
In that time I also used some of the nutritional knowledge I acquired and started to eat foods that I know would raise my blood pressure and began to consume them regularly.
In order to help me finally urinate I practiced some self-hypnosis techniques (think Kung Fu Panda Inner Peace chanting) and finally started to void.
Each day, I wondered where my health was going. Was my blood pressure going to dip again and my organs would shut down and I would finally die? Would I slowly get back my strength and have my kidneys and heart start to work again?
That week I spent mostly in isolation (oh yeah, I was told I got an infectious disease too and had to be isolated so that I would not infect other patients.)
The floor had two dementia patients over the course of the week. One man and one woman. When one left, the other was moved in. Both screamed through the night, and one of them scream throughout the day as well. I honestly felt that I was in an insane asylum prison at times. I tried to focus on my healing and tried to have compassion for them…not easy when I have my own pain and fears to deal with.
One night after everyone was asleep and the lights were out, I felt something was odd. I noticed movements in the air outside my door, but could not make out what was going on. I honestly thought I was being visited by ghosts, perhaps the spirits of dead relatives that were coming to take me to the other side. But they never did.
The next morning I saw that the man in the room next to mine was being wheeled out on a stretcher, covered in a blanket. He had died in the middle of the night some point.
It was all a very sobering experience.
On reflection, I have to say that my neighboring dying was a turning point for me.
The reminder that whether it happens now, or sometime in the future, I am going to die. We all are. At some point, we all pass on to whatever the next thing is. Have been a lot of funerals over the past few years now that I am healthy enough to attend them, and have said good bye to some dear friends, some older and some the same age as me or younger. There was something about that finality that gave me some perspective.
I am not living on borrowed time because I survived the surgery. I am living on borrow time, because borrowed time is all any of us ever had. So I may as well as do everything I can to live, and do thing that will help me enjoy my life. I got healthy not because it will cause me to live forever. I got healthy to make the most of what lifetime I have left.

Well, evidentially, since I am here to write this to you, you can probably guess that slowly but surely, my blood pressure slowly went up, my blood levels stabilized after the transfusions and my kidneys were confirmed not to be blocked nor permanently damaged. The heart tests show that my heart muscles were pumping strong and fine, and that I would have to return after my torse heals so the hospital can administer stress tests.
I got home on Tues Mar 31st. It was nice to be home and I had a list of things I wanted to get done, but for the past few days, I have been in a very quiet, non-communitive state. To those of you reaching out to me that I have not answered yet, please be patient with me. I do not believe that I am the same person now that I was before I fell asleep for that surgery. In time, I will reach out back to you all.
The CLSC comes in once a day to change my dressings and will continue to do so for the next couple of week.
On Friday April 3rd, I went back for an appointment to see the surgeon. He removed both the drains in my body. One hurt when removed, and the other was manageable. I am moving better now, although the holes in my body still need to be bandaged up.
I will be able to take a full shower sometime in the next 7 days, after the holes in my body heal up and stop bleeding.
Phew! Ok, going to take my pain meds now and try to get a decent night’s sleep.
April 2020, started this journey at 460 lbs
Mar 24 2026, did the skin removal surgery and almost died during the recovery after having lost 230 lbs+
Still have a few months of recovery to go, bandages to come off, scars to heal, getting back to my diet and exercise, learning to walk again for balance and making the most of the time I have left in this life.
And I aim to make it a good one.

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Fingers crossed I manage to make it all the way to a healthier me..

One day at a time, we all manage just one day at a time.

I need to know that there are people counting on me to succeed at this, so I can help them. Part of what motivates me is helping me, and if I know that there are people that I can help, it will help me.