Are you struggling in your marriage? Read on to learn marriage building tips which may help your marriage work better for both of you.
What are the most important qualities of a marriage? Sticking with each other, through thick and thin? Loving each other no matter what? Never being someone they can’t count on, etc? Well, that’s all quite Disney fairytale stuff but in reality, it's actually, just the simple human qualities we all want to receive. Respect and perseverance are the two top things you need. Respect comes in many forms. Respect for their body, their space, their property, their personal life that doesn’t include you, their style, their side of the bed, etc. perseverance is needed because you have to accept, they aren’t perfect, and neither are you!. You’re going to want to strangle each other at some point. You will get into arguments, you will feel slighted and jaded. But you have to remember, they aren’t a robot, they are a human being with flaws. Strap yourself in because this read is going to be illuminating.
Integrity isn’t just about telling the truth, it's about upholding some unwritten rules. This is what makes marriage so holy and so precious, because we don’t just follow the standard rules everyone knows about like ‘don’t sleep with anyone else’, but we follow those that we can’t see and haven’t technically agreed. The foundation of integrity is self-respect. You know right from wrong, and you shouldn’t want to degrade yourself by doing something morally wrong.
Integrity in marriage means, showing up at a time you said you would. If your spouse’s car is broken down, and they call you to be picked up, don’t tell them you’re on your way and then catch 5 more minutes of the football game. Integrity means doing the right thing, even when your spouse isn’t watching. Each word has to be met with action. If you say you’re going to do something, you stick to your word. It's about being ethical for yourself and your partner. The crucial aspect is, only you can uphold good standards, only you can be a good person, your spouse cannot make you into these things.
Don’t close the doors
Openness is something that can fade over time and that can lead to you going from a married couple to just a couple. Those rings on your fingers don’t mean much if you aren’t sharing your deepest darkest secrets, insecurities, and desires with your spouse. But why then, would openness in a marriage deteriorate?
It's usually because of over-critique. If you’re playing whack-a-mole with your partner’s feelings and desires, you are going to burn them eventually. They won’t want to share with you because they know what is going to follow if they do. So, what you need to stop doing is, belittling their feelings, saying that they’re making a mountain out of a molehill when they are clearly seeing and feeling a situation through a different lens. If you need help understanding when they are being serious and when they are over-thinking something, read a body language book or watch a few videos on the subject. Without saying a word, you can look at your spouse and know when they are emotionally fragile when they have experienced something very troubling. It's good to try and bolster their confidence by sometimes showing they are worrying over nothing, but other times, you should be sensitive to their needs.
Power and Humility
The power dynamic in a marriage is just like the one in a normal relationship without a holy bond. Here’s what you may know already about this dynamic.
Humility in this regard goes a long way. Admitting that you have some kind of power over your spouse is the first step to breaking down invisible barriers. Otherwise, couples can get into a Cold War-type of a situation where no one acknowledges they have the power that scares the other person, and they both end up trying to one-up each other. Husband and wife, have to honestly talk about these things if you are to have a balance of some sort.
Do you enable each other?
Do you do things such as cover-up or make excuses for your spouse’s bad behavior? This might seem like something a ‘loyal’ husband or wife would do, but when you know they are doing something harmful, you’re just enabling them. With your silence or even, the backing of some kind, they feel emboldened to do it again and again. This can result in both spouses becoming locked in a descending spiral where nobody will win. If you find that both of you or just one person, in the marriage is experiencing substance abuse of any kind, call the couples rehabs center. They have been delivering incredible services to married couples that have addiction concerns.
They have both inpatient and outpatient services. They believe that when couples are addicted to drugs or alcohol, their behavior progresses together. In other words, you both enable each other. With their rehab services, both of you can turn from enablers to solid rocks of self-belief and direction. You can help each other become sober and look after one another. This is why the success rate among couples is so much higher than individuals because you stop each other from falling back into the cycle. Check out their cognitive behavioral therapy program which helps couples to understand their thoughts and feelings may be counteracting their need to overcome addiction.
Become fitter together
Couples that workout together and exercise in unison, are far healthier both mentally and physically than those that don’t. Married couples might think they need time alone and working out is a good thing they do by themselves. However, it can like having a workout buddy that knows your every limit.
Go running together, through the countryside. Or you can both get up at the same time each morning, and perform yoga in your living room together. Meditate side by side and really become comfortable with each other, on a deeper philosophical level. Both of your energies and human beings will merge and something amazing will happen. You will see each other’s true nature when you’re pushed physically. The gritting of teeth, sharing of pain, and exhaustion is something that will build camaraderie.
Sex is the end-all-be-all
You can only connect with each other on a romantic level if you’re both physically attracted to one another. The union of bodies is something that cannot be replaced by anything else. Loving each other is very noble, but you cannot underestimate the value of being sexually fulfilled in a marriage; especially for the man.
So learn how to get better! You are with the last person you will ever be intimate with, so you have free reign to be as wild as you want. Do you have any sexual fantasies? Why are they still fantasies only!? You should be doing them with your spouse. Be brave and don’t hold back, tell him or her, exactly what you like. Be very detailed and even, demanding. This kind of sexual fulfilment keeps marriages alive but also, keeps them spicy!
Sex shouldn’t even be a chore either, you should want to do it. So instead of going purely for quality, try to focus on quantity too. Don’t have some kind of end-of-the-week sex engagement, you should be doing it throughout the week. Even if it's for 5 minutes, release that sexual urge before you go to work in the morning. And most importantly, don’t ever use the withholding of sex as a weapon. Your spouse will resent you and feel like a prisoner.
Learn to cook
For any marriage, cooking great meals is another cornerstone of a healthy relationship. When you come home from work, you shouldn’t be diving into a pre-cooked store-bought meal. You deserve better. You both do.
So, pick out a cuisine and then buy a recipe book online in the one you have chosen. Next, you need to buy the ingredients for one of the meals and cook together in the kitchen. Once you become comfortable cooking great meals at home, it's going to make dinner dates and dinner parties so much more fun. It allows you to wow each other and not always go to a restaurant for a candle-lit dining experience. You can also become hosts for your guests, work as a team to impress your in-laws or friends.
There’s almost no chance that you have tried everything to make your marriage work. There’s always something that you have yet to experience together. These are just some of the things that will make your bond stronger than ever before.
Weddings are a lot of work to plan. Continue reading to discover a few tips to help you narrow down your options.
Your wedding is one of the most important days of your life. It is a day you will look back on in years to come, and speak fondly of to your children, grandchildren and even great-grandchildren. You want your wedding to be a day you will never forget and everything to go off without a hitch. But the problem is, there is just so much to think about. There’s the guest list, the food, the entertainment, the rings, the vows, the speeches. And that’s not all. The wedding venue itself is an integral part of the day. Pick the wrong location, and you could be looking at a ruined wedding.
There are several factors to consider when picking a wedding venue. You want it to be beautiful and photogenic, yet also convenient for everyone and within your budget. Wedding venues can be expensive, and often book up well in advance, so even if you find the perfect location, you are never guaranteed to get it.
In order to make the right decision and settle on a venue that meets yours and your partner’s requirements, it is necessary to start with the basics. Here are a few tips to help you narrow down your options.
Choose a location
If you’re willing to get married anywhere in the world, you have too many options. Try to make your search a little easier by narrowing it down to a preferred location and exploring your options within a certain radius. Practically, it makes sense to get married near where you currently live, but you may prefer to go with a more sentimental location. Perhaps your hometown or the place where you first met. You may even choose to get married in an exotic country you’ve both always wanted to go to. Once you have picked a rough area, you can start looking for specific venues and find local suppliers and entertainment options.
Set a budget
Wedding venues can be expensive, so it is a good idea for you and your partner to discuss how much you are willing to spend. By creating and sticking to a budget, you ensure that you don’t go overboard with your spending. Once you have a figure, you can then start to look for venues that fall within your price range. Don’t be afraid to be flexible with your budget if you find a perfect place that is a little more expensive. You may be able to negotiate a better rate or cut costs in another area of your wedding.
Think about guests
How many people are you planning to invite to your wedding? Will it just be close friends and family, or are you planning a massive party with hundreds of people? Either way, you will want your venue to reflect the size of your gathering. You don’t want to have a huge party crowded into a tiny building, nor do you want to have a dozen attendees milling around an enormous ballroom. You should come with a rough list of exactly who you want to invite to your wedding and choose a suitably-sized location.
Choose a date
Some wedding venues are so popular they can book up well over a year in advance. You may have a fixed date in mind for the big day, but it pays to be flexible before you have actually booked the venue. The date will depend on the availability of you and your partner as well as your guests. Make sure you let guests know the date as soon as you have booked it, so they don’t make any plans.
Figure out your priorities
What do you want from your wedding venue? The decision you make will depend on several factors. Think about the style of wedding you want: classic and traditional, or modern and unique? Do you want it to be child-friendly or pet-friendly? Do you need an outdoor space or inhouse catering? Perhaps you want somewhere with accommodation so you and your guests can just head upstairs after the party is over. Prioritize the aspects that you are most keen for your venue to have and order your shortlist accordingly.
Reach out to a few venues
Once you have narrowed down your list to a few options that you really love, it can be difficult to pick one. It is a good idea to contact each of the venues to express your interest and ask them a few questions. You will want to know the practical information such as their availability, capacity, and pricing. But you also want to get an idea of how helpful and responsive they are. If they take a long time to get back to you or send blunt responses, you might get a better experience elsewhere.
Visit your favourites
You will need to visit the venue in person before the wedding day to ensure it is the right choice. Photos do not always do a place justice. You will want to take a tour, looking at the layout and making it is a good fit for the number of guests and the format you have in mind. Talk to the venue staff to get a good feel for the atmosphere in the venue.
Make your choice
At this point, you may have two or three potential options, so you will have to weigh the pros and cons of each and make a choice. It is good to have at least one backup in case your favourite option falls through. Both you and your partner might have a different top choice, so have a frank discussion and ensure you are both happy with the final decision. As soon as you have come to an agreement you should get in touch with the venue to book your wedding on your chosen date.
Congratulations, you now have a venue for your wedding. There are so many different options for the location of your wedding ceremony and party. Learn more about some of the different types of venues available to you.
Mental health is important to our well being. Read more to learn ways to help your mental health.
Mental illnesses are not preventable. Let’s get that out of the way. There are definitely some ways for you to reduce the episodes, but when it comes to straight up prevention, that is usually a tall order.
With that said, there are some ways you can reduce episodes of mental illness and keep your mental health up. Let’s look at some ways.
A Healthy Lifestyle
First, having a healthy lifestyle is one of the best ways to keep your mental health up. Here are some ways to have a healthy lifestyle.
1. Get adequate sleep. Around 7-9 hours a night is recommended, though some needs change. If you are suffering from chronic insomnia, try adjusting your sleep hygiene. Unwind before bed, sleep in a cool, dark room, and do things that make you tired. If you are still having problems, get support through a therapist.
2. Eat healthily. Try to eat right most days and eat a balanced diet. This isn’t to say you can’t have the occasional treat, but don’t make it a habit. Eating right can give you energy and keep your mental health up.
3. Get exercise daily. Exercise releases endorphins, which can help improve your mood. Plus, it gives you energy and improves your physical health too. With exercise, you don’t have to go hardcore; a little walk outside can be what you need.
4. Get checkups regularly to make sure you're healthy. More on in this later. When you get checkups, you can not only talk about health concerns, but you can improve any problems before they get worse.
Try Meditation and Mindfulness
One way you can keep your mental health up is to meditate or be mindful. While these are found in Eastern religions, these techniques apply all across the board.
With meditation, the effects are quite obvious. When one is controlling their breathing, it can calm down their anxiety or restlessness. When you are clearing your mind of self-defeating thoughts, they will have less of an impact on your mental health.
Mindfulness is the full awareness of the present. It is achieved through meditation as well as being more aware of your surroundings.
Many of our mental health issues are caused by worry or regret. We worry about the future, especially with things we can’t control. Meanwhile, we may regret the past. Mindfulness teaches you that both mindsets are toxic, and you should try to avoid either whenever possible.
Another way to meditate and be mindful is through guided imagery. You imagine yourself in a location and use all five senses to your advantage. It’s a great distraction, and many people will use it to sleep, tool.
Mindfulness and meditation do not require any special teaching. While an instructor can help, you can also look at videos or apps that teach it. There is no gatekeeping with these techniques.
Finally, the biggest lesson both can teach you is to let go of what you can’t change. There’s a lot we can’t change in this world, and you shouldn’t use your energy on it. Instead, work towards what you can change, and you will go far in your life. Good luck.
Get Help Whenever You Can
Another way you can prevent mental health issues is to get help when you can. By help, we are referring to physical and mental health care. Let’s discuss both.
Going to a doctor when you feel unwell can help your physical health, which does have a positive effect on your mental health as well. When you go to a doctor, also talk about any mental health problems you have. They can help you when you have issues.
Getting mental health care from a therapist or counselor is possibly the best way to prevent issues or treat current problems.
Don’t wait until your mental health is at a low to get help. Here are some reasons why you may want to seek help.
1. When there is a big life change. Life changes can include something such as a move, a loss in the family, heartbreak, or another issue as well. When you are experiencing a life change, you may not see the mental implications until it’s too late.
2. When you’re dealing with too much stress. We all have to deal with stress from time to time, but too much stress can take a physical or mental toll on you. A therapist can’t make all your problems magically disappear, but what they can give you is the resources needed to tackle them. From creating a plan to teaching you how to let go of what you can’t change, talk to a therapist about it.
3.When you are having interpersonal problems. Whether it’s problems with your friends, family, or spouse, it can take a toll on your mental health. In addition, it can sometimes be hard to solve these problems on your own. When both people are shouting at each other and they don’t know how to resolve their issues, trying to resolve can backfire without a couples or family therapist. If you are considering online therapy, websites like ReGain can be valuable.
4. If you just want someone to talk to. That’s a valid enough reason to seek help. We all get lonely, or want to talk to someone who is objective. A therapist can help with that.
Sometimes, you may need to take medication for depression, anxiety, and other mental health issues. The best way to handle this is to think of the medication as ammo against the symptoms, while you use therapy to try to defeat the cause. Don’t rely only on medication, but also don’t avoid it. It can be helpful for you.
Keeping your mental help up is important, especially as you grow older. Your mind is important, and it’s not something you want to lose. By getting help, being mindful, and being as healthy as possible, you can improve your overall mental health.
Read more to discover where you can find support when you need it.
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Imagine being the bridge to help people connect with others who, like you, were a little unlucky or challenged with their ability to communicate. This can be hard to imagine for stutters that have been made to apologize for something that is not their fault. This is one way to help stutters combat the emotional stings from any stigmas their stuttering has brought them.
Another reason I recommend this, is that sometimes, the best way to cope and get past our own obstacles, is to focus on connecting with others and possibly helping others with their obstacles.
In fact it is my hope that once you immerse yourself into the sign language community, you might even meet some people who inspire you.
Imagine the effect it could have on your confidence when you meet someone that cannot hear or speak, that has achieved some of their life goals already; it might help you take a new perspective towards your stuttering, and give you the motivation to reach your love goals.
3- Learn To Cook
The ability to prepare a meal for someone you want to get romantic with opens up lots of possibilities.
Does the person you are interested in have any allergies and that is what makes them harder to date? Not for you! You can cook an allergen free meal for them.
Once you learn to cook for yourself, you will be a better option for a board pallet of people with varying tastes. Being able to offer someone a home cooked meal is a very enticing proposition. It also allows you to host that date at home (yours, or theirs), which means the two of you can get more comfortable together, much more quickly than a dinner date in public.
Also, cooking your own food can make the cost of dating a lot less expensive. You do not need to be a great speaker of words to be a great connoisseur of seductive cuisine.
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However, you can start with some recipe books, some online videos, or ask the people you know who can cook to teach you how to make a few choice savory dishes for the different meals of the day.
After all, what starts as a delicious dinner, with mouth-watering desserts, can very likely evolve to breakfast-in-bed the next morning. In that case, best be prepared to satisfy well-earned appetites.
Learning to cook is just one aspect of helping to create a romantic setting, which brings us to the next suggestion.
4-Master The Mood
You may not be able to eloquently recite poetic prose, but you can definitely learn to be exceptionally romantic.
I have an entire Romance Formula to help people that want to grow their romantic chops and it has already helped many people grow that romantic bone in their bodies, where there wasn’t any previously.
Later, you can check out that article here for the Frank Romance Formula.
For right now, start looking at ways to turn your home into the most romantic place you have ever been too.
Romance is all about stimulating the senses, and the easiest way to set yourself up as the most romantic person your dates will ever meet is to use your own home space.
- Is your home decorated in a way to evoke romantic feelings?
- Does the art work in your home display a welcoming energy for sexuality to be expressed and explored?
- Do keep your place smelling good and ready for spontaneous sex? Do you have an appropriately romantic music play list ready to go in your home, so that you do not have to go fiddling at the last minute?
- Do you have an assortment of beverages to offer your dates, and candles for them to light to help enhance the mood?
- Do you put enough attention on your wardrobe so that you present yourself as the most alluring “you” that your date will not be able to help but want to sample?
- Do you take care of BASIC HYGIENE?!? PLEASE!?!?!
Be mindful of things like body odor and bad breath and the smell of your hair.
You would be amazing that the things you think hold you back (like a stutter) are not things actually holding you back, but other things that most people take for granted as common sense.
I have an entire program on how to decorate your bachelor pad, for the purposes of seduction. It goes into great detail how to create a consistent romantic atmosphere, and if this is an area you struggle with, go buy the Pimping Your Pad program.
Do you not have to go to the extremes that the program suggests, but if your home space makes people want to leave, it is going to get in the way of you building a love-life.
A few simple fixes can turn a “let’s just be friends” to “I love hanging out with you and want to get closer”.
5-Learn to Dance
The style of dance is up to you.
If you like fast paced dancing, salsa dancing might be great for you. If you prefer a slower pace, move into ballroom dancing focusing on the waltz, fox trot and tango might be more to your liking.
Find the dance style that best matches your personality.
If you are not sure, take basic classes to learn the beginner steps to them all and see which ones you like best.
I also advise staying away from solo-style dancing…break dancing, belly dancing, pole dancing, etc...are great for exercise, very seductive, and a spectacular show…but that is just it…there is a difference between being in the spotlight and giving your date a show (which could very well turn them on too), and engaging WITH your date, to get your bodies in the habit of moving together gracefully and creating an energy between the two of you.
This is not about sexy and dirty dancing (although it has its charms). This is about learning to dance with a partner, and letting the way the two of you move to the music BE the conversation between the two of you.
- First, dance is a fun way of getting exercise (and you are going to want to get into better shape for the next suggestion).
- Second, dance classes and club/events hyper-focused on the dance experience is a great way to meet new people to potentially date.
- Third and most importantly, it will give you a way to attract and seduce new partners without having to rely on your verbal skills.
Doubt this is possible?
Try going to a wedding after 3 months of basic dance step lessons…and after one song comes on that you can dance appropriately too with the person who agreed to dance with you, you will be followed by many single (and some not so single) people that want to be the next one you choose to take a spin with.
6- Be a Sex God
You do not have to be a great talker to be a great lover.
Learning to be a great lover is all about developing those skills.
This is not about having a porn star body type. This is about finding ways to learn how to touch a body, calibrate to the needs of different lovers, help your date reach orgasm, and to prevent sex from becoming boring.
Sex can quickly become routine if taking it for granted.
This is where you have an opportunity.
If you choose to be enthusiastic and pro-active, you can develop sex skills that will keep someone thinking of you even you are not around them.
There are books like this one, Instructional videos, workshops, and academic texts on learning about sexuality.
It is not just about how to be a better kisser (although that is a great start…put ice cubes in a glass and move them around with your tongue).
You must embark on a journey to learn everything you can about the human body, sexual organs, oral sex and even using sex toys, marital aids and fetishes.
Become the person that can handle the sexuality and sexual curiosities of every date you have, and be prepared to be the only person many of them feels safe enough to explore their fantasies with.
Depending on your particular boundaries and interests, this may also include going to your local BDSM-related workshops and discovering as many different forms of skin stimulation as you can.
Each person has their own combination of what is sexually satisfying, and the more you learn about how to have great sex, the more likely someone is going to give you more opportunities for ongoing sex.
Sex is not just about the knowing the body of your lovers, but it also involves the psychology of sex, and figuring out what can turn them on the most.
You do not need to have verbal skills to be the best lover they ever had. You do have to put in the effort to be attentive and be so knowledgeable about sex organs, sex toys and fetishes that you could give your own little workshop one day.
Leave your judgments behind, step out of your own comfort zone, and get to the point where you can make sure that every person you touch sexually will walk away with a huge smile…assuming they can walk at all once you are done with them.
7-Learn the Emotional Needs
An emotional need is what a person has an emotional response to. It has nothing to do with what we THINK we should like and be attracted too.
Ever been attracted to someone that was bad for you? You were responding to an emotional need
Ever knew that you SHOULD date someone that was good for you, but you just did not feel attracted enough? Chances are your own emotional needs were jumbled, or the person unknowingly violated an emotional need of yours.
Learning the emotional needs will prevent you from ending up in the friend-zone, and allow for a person to feel inclined to becoming your lover.
Each person has emotional needs, but each person has a different emotional needs profile (meaning some, or one in particular, will be more important than the others) and it is up to you to address those more important emotional needs of the person for them to feel attraction towards you.
When you learn about your own emotional needs, you learn about your boundaries (or what should be your boundaries) and how to spot red flags, and stay away from people that would bring misery and harm to your life in the long term.
When you learn about the emotional needs of others, you learn what their actual core values are (not what they SAY are their values, but what they are really like behind politically correct masks), and become an excellent judge of character.
Once you know who they are at their core, you will know what makes them have sex and fall in love. Part of what you are going to learn when studying the Emotional Needs Analysis system is how your everyday behaviors and communications help people figure out if they should stay away from you, if they should just be friends with you, if they should have sex with you, or if they should pursue a serious relationship with you.
Love is not random. There is a pattern to creating attraction and studying the Emotional Needs Analysis system is about mastering those patterns.
Learning everything listed above is going to take some time. It may take 3 to 6 months to get most of the basic done on this list. But was is a 6 month investment compared to the quality of your future love life that you will enjoy for the rest of your days? If you go into the far future, and look back at today, I think you will agree that the short term investments are well worth the long term gains.
I have been in this business for over 20 years, and I have yet to meet ANYONE that is not compensating for something.
Even the people we think have it all together and have it all figured out, have something they suck at, and have to make up for.
Some of the most successful people in the world had to give up on what they REALLY wanted to do with their lives, because they simply did not have what it takes to make it in life, in that way.
The key to happiness is not about obsessing on what you do not have, or what you are unable to do, but in re-focusing on the things you do have going in your favor and learning new skills to open doors that are closed to you at the moment.
You have a future were stuttering does not hold you back from the things you desire. You just have to take a different route to get to the same destination. Happy trails!
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