Blog of Frank Kermit of Frank Talks

3 Easy Tips To Make Friends In A New Neighborhood After Moving

11/29/2019

Have you just moved? Make friends with your neighbors. Read this article to learn how!

Make Friends With Your New Neighbors As Early As Possible

Moving is a long-term process that doesn’t end once you arrive in your new home. After you paid for long-distance movers you hired, you now have to work on creating healthy relationships with your neighbors. These individuals can significantly affect the quality of your life, which is why you should befriend them as early as possible.

Contrary to popular belief, making friends in a new neighborhood isn’t tough. There are actually a lot of strategies that can help you accomplish this task. As long as you’re willing and pour in time with your efforts, it won’t be long before the entire neighborhood becomes your buddies!

Here are some easy tips for you to make friends in a new neighborhood:

1. Greet Your Neighbors On The First Day

You’ll have to accomplish several tasks once you arrive in your new home. Even if you hired professional long-distance moving companies, you still have to unpack all of your moving and decorate your house to make it feel comfortable.

But regardless of how busy you are on this day, don’t forget to greet any neighbor you see in the area. Do you see someone taking their dogs for a walk around the block? Smile and greet them. Is the family living in front of you playing in their yard? Wave and say, “hi.” If you have the chance to talk to them, don’t be afraid to introduce yourself first.

These might be simple gestures, but it can create a positive impression about your personality. If your neighbors see how friendly you are, they will be motivated to know you better.

2. Explore The Community

Moving to a new neighborhood is like starting from scratch. You’ll be unfamiliar with the street names, landmarks, and nearby establishments. This is especially true if you choose to move to another country.

You can adjust faster if you set aside some time to explore the community. When you wake up early in the morning to run around your neighborhood, you’ll have the opportunity to familiarize yourself with the area and meet neighbors, as well.

If you see a couple lounging in their patio, inquire where the nearest daycare center, pharmacy, or dog-friendly park is. Aside from knowing more about the community, asking help from your neighbors can also help you gain a lot of friends.

These people might even volunteer to personally show you around the neighborhood if they notice that you and your familiar have zero background on the area.

Invite Your New Neigbours To Attend Events

3. Make Future Plans

Creating meaningful friendships takes time. Meeting someone once doesn’t warrant that the two of you will become the best of friends. More often than not, meetings should be more frequent and fun for you to make friends.

When talking with your neighbors, don’t hesitate to end the conversation with a plan. Instead of merely saying goodbye to your neighbor, let them know that your family is holding a backyard party for the weekend and invite them to come over.

If your kid’s birthday is just around the corner, let them know that you’re hosting a party and hand out invitations to them. This invitation will surely excite your neighbors, especially if they have kids, too.

Making future plans with your neighbors is a great way to cultivate friendships since they are not pressured to make a decision on the spot. And regardless if they’re coming or not, your intent in inviting them will create an impression about how accommodating you are as a new neighbor.
Inviting several neighbors in one event also helps you gain a lot of friends faster. Just make sure that your house or backyard is enough to accommodate all of your new found friends!

You’ll Reap What You Sow

Once you know who your neighbors are, continue to reach out to them so you can foster healthy relationships. Regularly invite them to your house for dinner or have their kids play with your own kids during weekends.

Although tedious, doing all of these things to earn new friends will surely be worth it in the end!

0 Comments

Dispelling Certain Myths In Bad Breakup Advice

9/19/2019

0 Comments

How valid is your friends breakup advice? Reading this informative post might help you decide.

Consider Advice From Friends Carefully

When you’re struggling and seek help, it’s not uncommon that your friends will want to help you out. This is because they can empathize with you, or perhaps you have filled the same role in their life before. However, just because someone is your friend, it does not mean that they have the best advice to hand in order to help you the most profoundly. They have great intentions, but they may not be completely aware of the situation, or may have bad ideas themselves.

Dispelling certain myths within bad breakup advice might be needed. If you’re here after hearing something similar to this from one of your friends and you want to check just how valid it is, then you’re in the right place. Breakups are never easy. They’re difficult, they can be completely disorienting, but most of all, they can also be quite boring.

To help you with this, we hope our following advice can help you break up said myths and revert back to your best self. You deserve it:

‘Rampant Intimacy Will Help You Get Over Them’

There are many measures to get over someone. Your friend might suggest that the best method regarding how to get over a girl is to simply by ‘getting under’ someone else. Of course, if you are out of a relationship, you should be free to express your intimate desires in a manner that is enclosed by consent from both parties. However, if you feel as though this is the only way to tend to your emotional wounds, then you’d be wrong and misled. It’s important to note that while this may help, it may not, it depends entirely on how you proceed and where you are at in your stage of recovery.

Do not force yourself to do this if it’s not something you feel comfortable with, or if you’d really rather not. Rampant intimacy might work for some people, but it will hardly take your mind off what happened, and can often simply become an unhealthy coping strategy to try and shield yourself from further pain. It is not difficult to see just how that can be unhealthy and often make things worse.

‘You Need To Be Social 24/7’

When a friend wants you to come out with them every day after a break up, they are caring for you. They do not want to see you laying in bed until 4pm, eating ice cream, crying, and watching Netflix shows. But it’s also important that if you’re really not up to it, you do not feel completely obligated to socialize at all costs. Everyone processes the loss of a relative in different ways, and yes, you will be wounded after it happens. In fact, research has shown that mimicking effects similar to that created by physical pain is seen in the brain during heartache. If you had injured your leg, your friend would not be dragging you out to Five Guys. Instead, they’d let you heal.

While it’s important to be around other people, it’s also important to give yourself some time to process this alone. Do not think this makes you weak. However, do not cut anyone off. It’s this careful timeline that can allow you to grow back into yourself in the best manner possible, as you will not be forced in either direction.

‘You Need To Talk It All Through Now’

You may feel that talking through your problems with clear communication is the best way to start overcoming an issue. If you have that impression, you’re likely wiser than you think. Talking therapy with someone who understands or isn’t there to judge can be a fantastic means of letting out what’s harming you emotionally, and it can work wonders for your soul.

A friend might also know this, and they may wish for you to discuss it right now. They may think that spilling it all out in the moment can be healthy, because perhaps this method worked for them in the past. However, it’s important to note that you are not your friend, and so you might not even know how you feel right now aside from being dazed after the breakup. It’s okay not to have all the answers in the heat of the moment. In fact, giving yourself some time to process this before you decide to talk can be very healthy. A good friend will understand your need for this.

‘Lose Yourself In Self-Improvement’

When you break up with someone, you feel that you are not good enough. Why would this have happened otherwise, you may think. Additionally, the harmful nature of a couple splitting up can sometimes mean your ex-partner decides to insult you or press the buttons they know you are vulnerable to. This can lead you feeling a huge drop in self-confidence, feeling as though you cannot keep anyone or that you have something fundamentally wrong with you.

The first mistake is to accept this set of attitudes. The second mistake is to overcompensate for it. You may dive back to the gym to work out and process your pain through physical suffering, running harder than you ever have, trying to meditate for two hours each date, or lifting weights with enough frequency to bring the overtraining issue to full light. Losing yourself in self-improvement can be a very harmful thing when this happens, because it’s not being done for the right reasons.

By all means attend the gym with your friend. It can really help. But do not overcompensate. Do it for health and nothing else. Do it to stimulate your mind. Keep yourself active and healthy. These are positive steps. But beware that little voice that might wish to make this a crutch in an unhealthy manner, because in a healthy pursuit this will be the best crutch you have in the first place.

With this advice, you’re certain to dispel certain myths that might come to you. However, if you have a friend willing to help and remain at your side, you have plenty to be grateful for.

0 Comments

Throwing A Bachelor Party For Your Wildest Friend

8/10/2018

0 Comments

Forget basic! Step up your game and throw your friend a bachelor party he will never forget (and for great reasons, not because he was too drunk to remember it) Read more in this contributed post.

Bachelor parties are, by nature, wild. But if the bachelor’s already a wild guy with high demands then there’s even more pressure on the best man or the bachelor’s group of friends to throw an insane party. Forget strip clubs or bars. That’s the stereotypical formula for a bachelor party, and it’s too basic. You need to step up your game. If you want to leave your party-animal friend speechless then you need to give them a night that’ll almost top their wedding day itself. Here are some crazy ideas to give you some inspiration.

VW camper van, vintage VW, green VW van, 60s VW van

Keep The Destination A Secret

A road trip.

This is the perfect option for the indecisive party planner. If you’re struggling to think of a single thing that’ll make your bachelor buddy happy on their bucks night then why not do everything? You could even surprise them by only telling them this once you get in the car. They’ll ask where you’re going, and you can tell them you’re heading out on the open road. Try to keep each destination secret so as to make it even more special when you see the surprised look on their face as you arrive at different places.

You could even hire a cool car for the trip. Maybe you could get an RV if you’ll want to be able to crash into bed at the end of a long night/morning. Or if you think your buddy will want to look cool as you cruise from destination to destination then you could hire a sports car. Whatever the vehicle, the point is that you and your buddies will head off on a fun journey together. With snacks in the car and great tunes on the radio, you’ll have the makings of a great party before you’ve even reached any destinations.

A boat party.

Why drink beers in a bar or a club when you can drink them on a boat? Your friend will expect you to go big or go home when it comes to organising their last night as a free man. There’s no better way to do that than by hiring a boat for the evening and having a wild time out on the ocean, a lake, or even a marina. You might want to check out local charter options for bucks parties in your area. The cooler the boat, the cooler the evening. You could have a night of playing poker, drinking, or even enjoying entertainment that you hire for the boat (that doesn’t have to involve a stripper, of course).

A Camping Trip Can Be A Fun Creative Party Spot

Go camping.

Away from the bright lights of the city with its loud bars and clubs, you might think that there’s no way you could throw a wild bachelor party in nature. But the best parties only need a group of close friends (and maybe a few packs of booze). That’s why you should organise a camping trip for your friend’s big night. Forget the smartphones and all other aspects of the modern world. Have a tipsy night in a forest. You could play drinking games around a fire, tell each other funny stories, and just have a great night.

0 Comments

5+ Ways to Make New Friends at Anime Conventions

3/12/2018

0 Comments

Ways to Make New Friends at Anime Conventions

5+ Ways to Make New Friends at Anime Conventions

by Roger Senpai

(Originally, I called this post “10 Ways to Make New Friends at Anime Conventions.” But I felt some methods are better than others. So the first 5 ways are great, while the latter 5 are just okay. Still lots of ways to make new friends though!)

Being a cosplay event organizer, I’ve seen many people who attend Anime conventions in order to meet new friends. However, when you see groups of cosplayers huddling together and talking to only their friends, making new friends at a con may seem like a daunting task. But I'm here to help – I myself have made many friends at Anime conventions! And I've met them through a variety of ways.

Before I begin, I should emphasize this list is far more useful if you have a genuine interest in geek fandom (e.g. video games, Anime, comic books). Otherwise, if you have absolutely no interest, you may come off as that guy who’s just trying to pick up girls at the Anime convention. Or you’re a girl who decided to buy a Sailor Moon dress to get some attention at the con. I mean, you don’t have to be a weeaboo or a nerd. But you should have the mindset that you’re going to have fun at an Anime convention, regardless of who you meet.

Based on my experience, here are 10 different ways to make new friends at Anime conventions:

1) Wear a popular cosplay - Of all the techniques listed here, wearing a popular cosplay is by far the easiest and most effective way to meet new friends at a con. Having a good and popular costume opens up all doors as people will approach YOU - whether asking to take a photo of your costume, or complimenting how amazing it is! And once that icebreaker is open, you can take the conversation further if you wanted.

For example, let's say you're cosplaying D.Va from Overwatch. Some possible scenarios:

Con Attendee: “OMG I love your D.Va costume!” OR “Excuse me; can I take a photo of you? Your D.Va cosplay is sooo amazing!”

You: Sure!

(Pose for photo)

Con Attendee: “Do you play a lot of Overwatch? We should play together sometime.” (Exchange Battle.Net accounts) OR “I’m going to cosplay Tracer at the next con. Do you want to cosplay Overwatch together?”

Alright, I actually don’t know how a typical Overwatch conversation would go. But that's a quick example showing simply how easy it is to make friends when you're cosplaying a popular character.

Also, more than likely there are other people either wearing the same costume or cosplaying a character from the same series. And most of the time, they will want to take a photo with you - another way to break the ice.

The costume itself doesn't have to be that great either. I used to cosplay Sebastian from the Anime Black Butler, and honestly the material was poor quality (I bought it off a cheap cosplay site). But most people don't care - if you're cosplaying someone they like, they will open up and talk to you. I met two good friends from Otakuthon because they were cosplaying Ciel and Grell, also from Black Butler. I’ve also met three other friends at Anime Shogatsu because they loved my Sebastian cosplay and because we had a great conversation after taking my photo.

So I cannot emphasize how many friends I've made by simply wearing a cosplay that was considered popular. There's no easier way to socialize at an Anime convention than to cosplay a popular character. This is especially true if you're shy or introverted - people will come to you!

If you don’t know what’s considered a popular cosplay, look at the photos of a large convention that recently took place. If you see a lot of the same characters, more than likely it’s popular at this moment in time.

And don’t worry about anyone judging you for wearing a “popular” cosplay or cosplaying a character you’ve never watched in an Anime or played in a video game. A lot of people do this, and the community loves to preach, “Cosplay whoever you want.” And who cares – you’re at a convention to have fun and make new friends.

2) Schedule or attend a group cosplay photoshoot - At many Anime conventions, group photos are scheduled for attendees cosplaying from the same series. (E.g. My Hero Academia photoshoot 2 p.m. Area C of the Toronto Congress Centre, Pokémon shoot at 3 p.m. in the hotel area). These photoshoots are great opportunities to chat with cosplayers from the same series. Not only is it fun to take pictures together with creative poses, more than likely you'll have things in common - after all you're cosplaying from the same series!

I cosplay Marth pretty often, so I decided to hold a few Fire Emblem photoshoots at smaller conventions. Not only did I get to meet new cosplayers this way, I made a few new friends who've taught me how to improve my Marth costume. A win-win situation.

THE FIRE EMBLEM HEROS

source

3) Take photos of cosplayers - If you decide you don't want to cosplay, you can always take photos of cosplayers. Start off by asking for their photo ("Excuse me, can I take a photo of your costume?"). After you finish taking their picture, you can ask about their cosplay ("How did you make it" or "Did you see the ending of Naruto, blah blah"). Then gauge their response. If they're giving you a one-word answer or looking away, they probably have somewhere to go. But if they're genuinely interested, then perhaps they want to know more about you. You'd be surprised how taking a picture of someone has led to friendship.

Once, I saw a good Star Trek cosplayer and asked for her photo. While I don’t think it’s a good idea to talk about Star Wars to a fan of Star Trek, for some reason I decided to talk about Star Wars to her after I took the photo. I found out we actually had a lot in common! So we kept in touch and now she’s a good acquaintance of mine, and I’m happy to see she’s still making great cosplays to this day.

You never know who you can meet by simply asking for their photo.

Just be aware that there are certain times where it's inappropriate to ask for a photo. For example, don't ask to take a picture if they're sitting down, or eating or busy doing something else. It's considered especially rude to ask for a photo while they’re in the middle of their own photoshoot; interrupting the photographer and the cosplayer is not a good first impression to make!

4) Volunteer - Volunteering is a great way to meet new people during an Anime convention. Not the actual attendees themselves, but the volunteers and staff you're working alongside with. It's like meeting coworkers at your job, but in a more fun, casual environment. It doesn’t have to feel like work either – you can usually decide what type of volunteer work to do, and how many hours you want to help.

A few years ago, I volunteered for Anime Boston (yes, a convention outside of my own country!). They accepted my application and the experience was a lot of fun. My fellow volunteers and staff were great people to volunteer and socialize with, and I still keep in touch with them today. By volunteering for Anime Boston, I made a bunch of new friends and I got a bunch of swag and free stuff during the con as well.

5) Bring a Card Game - Whether it's Apples to Apples or Cards Against Humanity, card games are a great way to break the ice with your fellow attendees at an Anime convention. There's always going to be somebody bored or lonely at a con. Bring one of these card games to a convention and invite them to play with you. Not only will it be fun, you’ll also make a new friend this way.

Back when I first started the Cosplay Hangout Group, most people who showed up for my cosplay events didn't talk to each other. Like many new people in the cosplay community, it was somewhat awkward and people were standing around. So I decided to bring my Cards Against Humanity deck and made the attendees play together. Not only was the game hilarious and eased the nervousness of some, it allowed them to socialize with each other. How beautiful that game is.

6) Hit up the Con Rave - I know the raves at cons get a bad rep for sketchy people and drug addicts, but I've met some great people at raves, including cosplayers, DJs, performers, singers and fashion artists. It's a wonderful and diverse mix of people at a rave. Starting a conversation at a rave can be as easy as giving someone your glow stick or "Kandi."

7) Hotel Parties - If you're going to a large Anime convention, there will always be hotels where attendees are staying for the weekend. And with hotels, come hotel parties! Probably the most difficult part is getting invited. But if you socialize enough during the con, you will find yourself invited to one. Believe me, it’s not that difficult. I've been to several conventions outside of my own city and I've been invited to hotel parties by attendees I've never met prior. Anyways, if you want to make new friends and you get invited, be damn sure to accept the invitation and go.

Yes, sometimes it can be awkward at the party when everyone knows each other and you know nobody at first. But don't worry, there's always someone at the hotel party similar to one described in that Alessia Cara track, Here (God I hate that song).

let's party

8) Host a Panel - What better way to gather like-minded people than hosting a panel at a con?! But seriously, it's not a bad idea. You are talking about a topic that you're interested in. And the people who attended your panel are also interested in the subject.

I hosted a Pokémon panel a couple of years back. The attendees were as enthusiastic about Pokémon as I was, and if I wanted a few players to battle with, I could easily have picked a few right there at the panel. In fact, one guy came up to me and wanted to be my friend. He asked for my Facebook account. But he kept interrupting my damn panel, so I didn’t want to be friends with him!

9) Tabletop Gaming - At many Anime conventions, there's a room dedicated to tabletop gaming. Although some people will already be with their friends playing together, there are a few people who are looking for someone to join their game. Maybe one of their friends left for a photoshoot, and they're now missing a player? Much like bringing a card game to a con, tabletop gaming is a good way to have fun and meet new people. I got to hangout with some cool people in the Tabletop gaming room at Youmacon. I sure as hell don't remember what game it was, but it was fun talking about differences between Detroit and Toronto!

10) Video Game rooms - What better way to start a friendship than to kick their ass in Smash Bros.?! Okay, I haven't made many friends in video game rooms - because they're too salty after I beat them.

:)

ROGER SENPAI

About The Author

As a self confessed "geek" Roger Senpai ,a former journalist is currently the administrator of the Cosplay Hangout Group based in Toronto, Canada.
He organizes and hosts cosplay events for the community, as well as running a blog centered around all things cosplay.

The Senpai Blog

#cosplay #cosplaywip #animecosplay #cosplaylife #cosplayer #animelife #cosplaylife #animeconvention #cosplans #cosplaying #cosplayfun #cosplayworld #cosplaylifestyle #cosplaycommunity

0 Comments

Anniversary of the 10th Book

7/12/2017

0 Comments

Anniversary of the book From Friends To Lovers by Frank

Dear Friends,

I got a reminder on social media that today is the anniversary that I self published my 10th book: From Friends To Lovers: Stop Being Her Emotional Cookie Man. On July 12, 2009 I self published it.

In celebration, of this 8th anniversary of this book, I present the introduction of the this book written by Will Hicks.

Enjoy!

-Frank Kermit, Author

Introduction to From Friends To Lovers
by Will Hicks

My Mother told me that it was an extreme honor when someone asks you to write an introduction or forward to their book as she was asked by one of her colleagues at work.

When Frank asked me I took it as an extreme honor because of our friendship and the caliber of person that he is.

Once Frank becomes your friend he’s there for you through thick and thin, rain or shine.

He also makes sure he stays in communication with all his friends as well as open doors for you through friends he has that may be able to help you in any way.

I remember when I first met Frank Kermit when we were speakers at the same event held in Canada. Frank, the gracious person that he is, reached out to me first and introduced himself and with that gesture started what would be a unique life long friendship.

The Cliffs List Convention in Canada where
Will Hicks and Frank Kermit Met

Will Hicks first appearance on Frank's show

He always kept me in the loop with everything he was doing including his radio shows, which I had the pleasure of being a part of on more than 1 occasion.

The most memorable show for me was the New Years Eve show we did together. This was one of the funniest hours of my life.

We talked about everything from where to go, where not to go, the mindset that you need to have...etc. The show was professionally done, as is everything the man does.

We found over the course of that hour that we had many things in common, even though we each had our own unique methodologies and delivery systems with which we conveyed our messages.

In other words that show helped cement our friendship.

How To Pick Up On New Years Eve

We’ve shared many private moments off the air also, friends talking shop, giving advice, and trying to help out guys that need it the most. There are a lot of pretenders out and I can say not just with my own experiences but also out of the mouths of countless others that Frank Kermit is No Pretender. His body of work speaks for itself and I’m honored to be a part of that great body of work.

When Frank speaks it’s always from the heart and he’s speaking from experience. He genuinely doesn’t want you to make the same mistakes as he did or take some of the roads that he’s traveled. I’d say he generous to a fault with an infectious smile and as cool as the other side of the pillow.

Once you enter his world, Frank becomes your mentor, coach, confidant, counselor and most importantly Friend. So enjoy what’s about to happen next. There will probably be things along the way that you disagree with or don’t like but you’ll always appreciate where they’re coming from, that I can assure you. Also know that Frank Kermit wouldn’t have you do something that he wouldn’t do himself.

Will Hicks, Dating Coach

Get a Real Girlfriend Now

Thank Frank By Helping Him Send His Son To School

0 Comments

Is Your Wing (Man Or Woman) In Your Way?

4/28/2017

0 Comments

Is Your Wing (Man or Woman) Getting In Your Way?

Having a wingman (or woman) can be helpful while scouting for dates; other times, you’re better off flying solo. We take a closer look at why your best friend can be your worst enemy when you’re single.

By Christine Champ for Match.com Happen Magazine

It's Your TIME Now

When Anna, a single gal from Seattle, WA set out to find a boyfriend, her friend Kim offered to act as her “wing woman” during her search for an entire year.

At first, it sounded like a fabulous idea — but just one month later, Anna “fired” Kim.

You see, whenever the two met a single man somewhere, Kim turned into a flirting machine: tossing her hair, giving seductive sideways glances…she stole the spotlight every time away from Anna, even going so far as to physically block her friend out of some conversations by standing in front of her!

Whenever Anna asked Kim if she was interested in these men herself, she’d deny it. Instead of a boyfriend, all Anna acquired during her short-term experiment was self-doubt, frustration and confusion.

As Anna describes it, all her experience managed to do “was clip my own wings.”

Mark Fitzgerald, 36, from Sacramento, CA recalls the time he asked his longtime friend to size up the cute retail clerk he’d been mustering up the courage to ask out. Instead of returning from the recon mission with his stamp of approval, Mark’s friend came back with the retail clerk’s phone number — and plans to date her himself.

So — (frenemies aside, obviously) — why would a friend, sister, brother or other close comrade get in your way when you’re looking for love?

We’ve come up with a few reasons that take malice out of the equation entirely.

Five reasons why good friends can sometimes make bad “wingers”...

Conversations For Dating

1. They feel obligated to make chivalrous chit-chat on your behalf and end up shifting the target’s attention in the wrong direction.

Fitzgerald has been on both sides of the wingman block himself; once, when a friend’s flirting turned into floundering, he felt responsible for keeping the conversation going so the woman his friend was interested in wouldn’t leave. Fitzgerald now realizes that commandeering the conversation might actually intimidate a tongue-tied buddy, so he makes an effort to tread carefully when helping cultivate initial small talk before excusing himself from the conversation entirely.

Stop Insecurity! Learn to have CHARISMA

2. Their own insecurity drives them to try and “win” every perceived competition… even if they lose your friendship in the process.

For some people — single or not — the subconscious urge to compete with their peers trumps everything else. It’s about proving they can win the guy or girl’s attention, even if they’re not looking for a relationship themselves. Dr. Diana Kirschner, Ph.D., author of Love in 90 Days, observes that often, insecurity is what’s really behind these competitors’ outward show of confidence and flirting — along with the drive to demonstrate they’re desirable, regardless of the cost to their friendships. Sometimes, adds Dr. Kirschner, “scarcity consciousness” can also make people worry “there’s not enough to go around” when it comes to finding potential dates.

Get Yourself Together

3. They’re addicted to being in the social spotlight.

Ron Geraci, author of The Bachelor Chronicles, notes that some people simply “cannot stand the fact that someone else is getting attention.” But, adds Geraci, don’t condemn these attention hogs too harshly; basking in the romantic limelight gives a “shot of adrenaline to their ego” that boosts their own low self-confidence.

The Journey

4. Some people have trouble choosing their own romantic partners, so they aren’t helpful in scoping prospects for you, either.

A recent University of Indiana study suggests that people note the preferences of others — regardless of whether they’re friends or strangers — to make their own search for a mate more efficient. This stems from the idea that “who others like might be a good choice for ourselves,” according to Skyler Place, a researcher in UI’s Department of Psychological and Brain Studies who coauthored the study, along with Peter M. Todd, a professor in the university’s Cognitive Science Program. Frank Kermit, relationship coach and author of From Loser to Seducer, cites another reason: sometimes people don’t trust their own judgment when it comes to finding someone else attractive. 

Learn The Ethics of Seduction

5. You’re hunting for a date, but your friend’s a natural-born poacher.

University of Texas psychology professor David Buss coined the term “mate poaching” to refer to people’s tendencies to try to steal romantic partners away from others. Geraci believes the principle applies equally to singles on the prowl, saying that “it’s a convenient way to find a mate because someone else is doing a lot of the work.” Singles should use caution when choosing wingmen or wing women; watch out for those friends who exhibit potential poaching tendencies and avoid going out with them when you’re looking for dates. After all, when you’ve engaged a prospect that piques your pals’ interest, “it’s like bringing your kill into a pack of hyenas,” warns Geraci.

Stop Letting Her Use You

Mending a “broken wing” relationship

Before you try to mend your relationship with a failed wingman or wing woman, make sure you’re not misreading any signals — like the silent cues that your tall, dark and handsome (or blonde and beautiful) target sends that indicate your attraction isn’t mutual after all. According to matchmaker and etiquette coach Joy Nordenstrom, the three biggest clues that your flirting is indeed being reciprocated include: direct eye contact, mirroring (i.e., your crush copies your body movements) and leaning in to get physically closer to you.

If it’s still obvious your friend’s crossed a boundary, here’s one solution: exclude him or her from social situations where you might connect with someone romantically. Advises Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D., author of The Unofficial Guide to Dating Again: “that’s how you teach people that they’re socially unacceptable,” though she considers an intervention to be worthwhile if you believe your friend’s bad behavior is unintentional. If you do decide to stage an impromptu bathroom meeting to interrupt the offender’s advances, Kirschner recommends keeping it positive — like asking your cousin to tell the ladies about your smooth salsa moves, then adding that you’ll be ready to take the lead on the dance floor right after the next song begins.

Setting Your Boundaries

Establishing the rules of engagement

If you really want your wingman or wing woman to “rise to the occasion,” says Nordenstrom, establish some rules of engagement first so that it’s clear “you’re playing on the same team.” Start by clarifying your goals for the outing, and have your friend do the same. Agree to put each other in the best light possible throughout the evening — from subtly pointing out the broccoli in your friend’s teeth to bragging about his or her tennis skills. Think of flattering stories to share about your friend or make a mental note of his or her most attractive features before you go out together. Mutually agree on a code word (like “yesterday”) to indicate you’re interested in someone so both of you don’t end up inadvertently flirting with the same person. If you end up eyeing the same hottie without realizing it, take a beat by yourselves to discuss and compare your desire levels on a scale of 1 to 10. A good wingman or wing woman knows when “to step back,” but as Tessina also cautions, “every person you meet isn’t Mr. [or Ms.] right” — so choose your showdowns wisely!

Understanding on an Emotional Level

Flying solo: is it an option?

The insights we’ve shared here should help you choose a wingman or wing woman that brings out the absolute best in you — because, according to Nordenstrom, when your romantic radar reacts, you often “have a very short window to make a strong impression.” Or, try flying solo — Kirschner believes you may unleash your “inner charisma” when you’re forced to conquer your shyness and/or social anxiety. If you attempt a solo recon mission for scouting dating prospects and spend all night cowering next to the bathroom instead, finding a friendly co-pilot you can rely on is definitely the better way to fly!

***Disclaimer: DEAR READERS: This was an article written by Christine Champ for Match.com that Frank Kermit was quoted in. All rights, titles and interests in the article remain with the author and Match.com

Author Bio:

Christine Champ is a freelance writer based in the Northwest. Her writing has appeared on MSN.com, MSNBC.com, Film.com and in The Seattle Times.

0 Comments

The Importance Of Keeping Your Word

4/23/2017

0 Comments

The Importance of Keeping Your Word
by Frank Kermit

It can happen sometimes where you make a promise
that you did not realize
you would not be able to keep.

We are human beings,
and when that happens,
it can be embarrassing.

Coaching Workbook For Men

But when the reason you break your word
is because

"you just don't feel like it"

or

"you just don't wanna"

the price for that is very, very high.

The cost of this kind of immature action is:

The Loss Of Your Credibility

It is important that when you have to break your word, that you at least offer the person whose trust you just violated, some kind of compensation.

It is still a means of value-for-value.

It you don't at least do the HUMAN thing
of trying to make up for it,

people will see you as UNETHICAL.

Learn The Ethics of Seduction

The Choice and How To Manage It

Immature and unethical behaviors aren't something you can get away with for very long.

When you are younger and the consequences are not so high, most people will just brush you off, and write you off.

Youth will not always protect you.

At some point, your repeating behavior pattern is going to cost you with people who would be in a position to help you will simply cut you out.

Quality people do not have time in their lives
for people that lack credibility.

So, when you give your word
and you reach a point where you have already benefited from the other person,
and you don't feel like reciprocating,

GROW UP.

The Autobiography of The Journey

Over 10 of the Top PUA's From the Community Wrote This Book

It is not about the fear of

Burning Your Bridges.

It is about becoming the kind of person

that is seen as more than possessing

the short-term thinking

of People Using Alibis.

If you want to be a Good Person

then start by being Good at keeping your word.

If you don't want someone to label you,
be sure you aren't acting in a way
that makes then need to in the first place.

0 Comments

How Often Should You Have Sex With a Friends-With-Benefits?

3/31/2017

1 Comment

The Friends-With-Benefits Quiz, Question # 1

The Friends-With-Benefits Quiz Question # 1
by Frank Kermit

Let me start by saying that this information about how to manage a Friends-With-Benefits is an excerpt of my coaching workbooks for women and for men.

The FrankTalks.com Coaching Workbook for Men

One of the principles I teach in my coaching workbooks for men and women, "I'm A Man, That's My Job" and "I'm a Woman, It's My Time" respectively is that you have to learn how to manage even a friends-with-benefits relationship as part of learning to manage any and all successful relationship.

The FrankTalks.com Coaching Workbook for Men

Sometimes people might want to answer "A. As Often as Possible" because they figure that it is like getting "free" sex and they should take as much as they can. That does seem reasonable.

Sometimes people might want to answer "B. 2-3 Times a Week" because they figure, it is just like dating someone anyways and they want to enjoy themselves with their lover and it gives them time to see their friends-with-benefits lover AND still have time to go out, do their errands, and have time to themselves. That does seem reasonable too.

Sometimes people might want to answer "C. Every Weekend" because they figure the person is just a friends-with-benefits and they have busy lives, but that they should be willing to commit to meeting every weekend so that neither one has to date anyone else so they can have guaranteed sex, and a guaranteed plan for the weekend, and no one ends up lonely. That does seem reasonable as well.

Sometime people might want to answer "D. Once a Week, Or Less" because they figure that a friends-with-benefits is not a serious commitment sex partner, and that they want to enjoy the benefits, but still keep a proper emotional distance.

These are ALL REASONABLE INTERPRETATIONS.

But there is only ONE RIGHT ANSWER

Do you SUCK at Romance, and want to learn Romance-Made-Easy?

There are many levels of Commitment in The Hierarchy of Sex, Dating and Relationships.

Friends with Benefits is a STAGE 2 Level of involvement and it has various rules to make sure that you don't hurt someone unintentionally, that someone does not hurt you, and how you can manage being friends-with-benefits in a way that would allow everyone to stay on good terms even after it ends.

The Answer is D. Once a Week, Or Less

A proper FWB relationship means you only see each other once a week. Twice a week on occasion if you plan a special getaway.

One of the biggest mistakes that partners make in FWB is that they try to see each other as often as they can in a short time period. All this will do is confuse the issue.

Seeing each other more than once a week is acting like more serious relationship than it is, and can nurture romantic feelings to develop.

If you act like you are more than just a FWB, you can expect one or both partners to start feeling, wanting or expecting more from each other

P.S. Do you Agree With This Article? Disagree? Have something to Add?

Write your thoughts in the comments below and share this article to see how many of your friends think like you.

Sign Up For Frank Coaching Right Now and Enjoy A More Exciting Love Life that All other Frank Clients are enjoying right now.

1 Comment

Direct, Indirect or Go Through Friends?

3/16/2017

0 Comments

Direct, Indirect or Go Through Friends?

What To Do When You Like Someone
By Frank Kermit

It happened.

Despite your efforts to stay alone and uncomplicated, it happened.

When you were not looking for it, you actually started to like someone.

You actually found someone that you like.

Now what?

When you like someone, the big question is always what do you do?

Do you tell that person directly and see what happens?
Do you try to get your friends involved in the match making process?
Do you approach the target of your heart’s desire in a non-direct way, just to gauge that person’s interest?
What if you do not know what signs to look for?
What if, that person actually likes you back, but you are not socially aware enough to know?

Calibration is called for when you like someone and want to see about taking your interest a step further to see if the two of you can connect.

As I discuss in my THE ART OF CALIBRATION PROGRAM: FROM CREEPY TO CHARISMA EBOOK, There are a number of factors to consider such as:

Do you work together (which may put you in a legal predicament if he or she does not return your feelings), or
Do you see each other at the same social circles (which may make it awkward if either of you are not mature enough to handle it which I discuss in depth how to handle in my HOW TO BUILD A SOCIAL CIRCLE NETWORK EBOOK), or
Perhaps there is a friend connection that makes this a little more complicated (that person is the ex of one of your friends which I also discuss in depth how to handle in my HOW TO BUILD A SOCIAL CIRCLE NETWORK EBOOK).

There are TWO QUESTIONS to ask:

1. First question to ask is if there are any consequences of dating, or just asking out, this person

2. The second question to ask is if you are willing to accept those potential consequences.

If you can get a yes to that second question, then here are some tips.

When To Go DIRECT and When to be INDIRECT

Telling someone directly and right away works if the person you like already likes you back or is open-minded enough to give you a chance. If you do not know if that person likes you, you may want to take a more subtle approach.

The rule to follow is the longer you have known each other, the more indirect you should be.

If you just met the person, telling that person you like him or her enough to want to get to know them better is non-threatening and can actually be a welcome invitation. There is no friendship to risk.

If the person has been a friend for a long time, and you do not know if that person likes you back, being direct may put too much pressure and the person you like may not want to risk the friendship by succumbing to the pressures.

In my program FROM FRIENDS TO LOVERS: STOP BEING HER EMOTIONAL COOKIE MAN EBOOK I teach Men (Mostly Nice Guys) how to get a long time female friend to see him as a potential lover.

Ironically, the friendship is likely over anyways given that the romantic feelings involved turn any friendship lopsided.

In those cases, it is just best to isolate that friend to a one-on-one activity and see about making a romantic move. Better to try to hold a hand, or lean in for a good night kiss to sexualize the context of the dynamic. If you get rejected, well at least you know and you tried.

Should You Ask Other Friends To Help You?

Involving your friends from your social circles has its pros and cons.

Usually, it is a bad idea, unless you have a solid friendship with someone that is socially clued in.

In the case of having a good friend that is a mutual friend of the target of your heart’s affection, you can enlist that person’s help by asking them to help you set a time for you all to meet and that friend can politely excuse him or her self from the activity.

A friend may also be able to give you information about whether or not that person is emotionally available. Again, make sure you are dealing with a solid friend and not someone that will inform you incorrectly. A friend that can actually work like a matchmaker may be in your best interest if that friend knows where the two of you are compatible.

With all that said, being very direct does have advantages.

You need not involve anyone else into your private love life and good or bad, you get an answer much quicker about where you stand.

Either way, the best thing you can do when you find you like someone is:

to take some kind of action listed above.

People tend to regret the things that they did not do, more so than the things that they did do.

Frank Kermit

P.S. Do you Agree With This Article? Disagree? Have something to Add?

Write your thoughts in the comments below and share this article to see how many of your friends think like you.

0 Comments

Emotional Needs of Women: Mother-Lover Theory

2/21/2017

1 Comment

Emotional Needs of Women: Mother-Lover Theory

The Mother-Lover Theory:
Understanding the Emotional Needs of Women
By Frank Kermit

A woman can only play one of two roles in a man's life.
She is either his mother or his lover. She cannot be both.

When a man addresses a woman's emotional needs, her mothering instinct is halted, and thus by default, she feels more of a pull to potentially being his lover.

When a man violates a woman's emotional needs, her mothering instincts kick in, and she feels more mothering feelings towards him, and feels pushed away from potentially being his lover.

For example, one of the emotional needs of a woman is the protection of her most important asset: her reputation. When a woman is around a man that hurts the reputation of other women when he is around her, she knows that she cannot fully let her guard down. She has to be the adult in the dynamic because the man is not mature enough to appreciate how un-calibrated (and possibly creepy) his behavior is. Since she feels the need to be the adult in the situation in order to make sure that she does not inadvertently say anything around him that he could repeat to others (in the same way he is speaking poorly about others in front of her), she is enacting a behavior that is akin to how a mother must be careful of her wording, least an infant repeats her words in an inappropriate manner.

When a man actively presents himself as a gentleman that does not kiss and tell, and that does not speak disparagingly of other women in front of her, she can let her guard down enough to feel comfortable with him to the point of being intimate with him, knowing her reputation will not be in any way tarnished by him. She does not have to be akin to a mother afraid of what an infant will repeat, because she recognizes that she is dealing with a man, not a little boy, that is mature enough for her to enter into mature relations with.

Male friends of women, specially those men that are in love with their women friends, but their women friends refuse to date them have actually violated her emotional needs. This is WHY male friends have been banished into the sexless friend-zone. If there was one common element that all "just friends" males have exhibited, it is that at some point, and usually in an ongoing fashion, these men make their female friends feel like they have to mother these guys. These nice guys, can be good friends (very giving friends at that), but they do not engender feelings that would make her want to be his lover, because he makes her feel like his mother. He likely tells her his problems, seeking the validation of her approval, and wants her to make the first move. All these behaviors force her into a mothering role in his life and that kills any potential of sexual attraction.

Men that are a challenge, to the point of being jerks at times, address women's emotional needs indirectly, which is why many women can not help but love those -bad boys-. Despite all the negatives that can be attributed to bad boys, the one thing that makes many bad boys so gosh darn appealing to women is the fact that bad boys do not tolerate any mothering behaviors from the women who love them. Bad boys will not ask their lovers for -mothering- advice; bad boys will do what they want to do without needing approval. Bad boys don't like listening to a woman's helpful suggestions, as they act out to stop her "nagging". In fact, the most notorious player type bad boys reject and even chastise their lovers for trying to do things for them (like cleaning the house or doing their laundry) because those bad boys interpret those actions as her trying to evolve some sort of control over him (she gets to check up on his stuff to see what he has been up to). Men who refuse to be controlled by the actions of women, even if those actions were meant as a form of courtesy and not control, constantly challenge her mothering instinct and thus she can not help but find him sexually appealing.

Long-term couples experience this issue but in a different way. At the beginning of the relationship, a man addresses a woman's emotional needs and she feels like being his lover. However, over the course of their long term relationship, they settle into a comfortable routine, where she finds herself becoming more and more of his mother, and feels less and less like his lover. Men tend to be oblivious to this effect, because part of the emotional needs of men is to identify femininity as women being courtesy. When courtesy is taken too far however, it becomes mothering. A man will not even realize this until a woman expresses how unhappy or resentful she has become in the relationship.

I am suggesting a message to all people that have women partners, especially to those relationships that have children where the woman spends most of her entire time being "mom" or "step mom". Make sure that you remind your lady that she is more than just her children's mother. She is also your lover. Make her feel like your lover by making sure that at least for one day, she does not feel like her partner's mother too.

Learn The Emotional Needs Mastery System

1 Comment