The Show: Concept and Mission Conferences, resources, information, leisure and activities adapted to the lifestyles of singles 25 and over. More people than ever before are choosing to be part of an expanding social phenomenon that is living the single life. According to the last Quebec census1, more than one-third (36%) of the population between the ages of 25 and 75 live without a partner. These figures make up almost 1.7 million people in Quebec, half of which lives in the Greater Montreal region. The Solo Lifestyle Show is a unique event, tailored for those who are not in a romantic relationship and wish to feel fulfilled and enhance their lives as individuals... and we are talking about close to half the population! The lifestyle, needs, and concerns of these free spirits are quite different from those living as part of a couple. For instance, single parents raising their children will encounter different problems than those who are in a "traditional" nuclear family. Therefore, the Show's mission is to bring together a wealth of resources to address this modern reality. Visitors will also benefit from more than 10 entertaining conferences presented by leading experts in their field about issues arising in not only their personal but also romantic lives. Despite the more serious topics discussed, the Show will dedicate a portion of its programs to more playful topics such as leisure, travel, and activities now available exclusively to Singles. They won't have an excuse anymore to mope around at home without a partner! Of course, even if it's important to take charge of one's life and not wait for Cupid to come around, it can't hurt to give him a helping hand. Dating services will be on site to help Singles find their special someone. Whether or not they're looking for the love of their life, visitors will leave with many tools and resources to help them reach their life's goals. The Solo Lifestyle Show will, without a doubt, be a great selling platform for all service and goods providers who cater to the Singles population. 1-Data on marital status taken from the 2006 Census conducted by the Institut de la statistique du Quebec, applied to projections for 2011. Definition of a Single Person: A person not in a romantic relationship; separated, divorced, widowed, or never married  

 Date: February 14, 2014, Title: Frank Kermit keynote speaker at the Living Solo Show at Place Bonaventure  Frank Kermit was asked to present a talk on Managing The Risks of Friends With Benefits at the Living Solo Show at Place Bonaventure

Nice Guy Dating Podcast is a podcast and web show that will help YOU start finishing first with women. It features the most inspiring and successful experts in the field of personal development, mixed with rants from Kevin Alexander about his personal journey through dating, answers to some of your most pressing questions, and even success stories from guys just like YOU on Nice Guy Nation. Produced and Hosted by Kevin Alexander

 Published on Jul 2, 2016, E236: Save Her From Jerks with Frank Kermit
Here are some things you’ll discover in this show: What inspired Frank to turn his life around from not being good with women to having the kind of life he wants to live Why Frank chose to change his life rather than other options that he took before How Frank started interviewing the people who appeared to have a great love life and what he learned Why Frank learned the art of knowing what you want and going out to get it What makes a guy a jerk, and why some girls may be attracted to them What it might mean when you want to save a girl from a jerk, and it’s not what you think Why some women will leave a relationship just out of boredom What you can do to steal a girl away from a jerk

 Lucia is a Dating and Relationship Expert whose intent is to entertain, educate and enlighten. Known throughout major media as a "Cougar Expert", Lucia defends and coaches older women who are dating and in relationships with younger men. In addition to her Cougar expertise she also produces an internet podcast radio show, writes a weekly column, has authored a book and has appeared regularly on multiple talk shows including The Tyra Banks Show and The Dr. Phil Show. To learn more about Lucia please visit http://www.theartoflove.net/.

 Date: February 10, 2013, Title: The Art of Love Podcast with Lucia
Frank Kermit makes his 6th and final appearance on The Art of Love Podcast, hosted by Lucia. This marks the last episode of this podcast as Lucia hosts her Good Bye Show. Frank Kermit, the guest holding the record for most appearances is interviewed for a brief good bye interview.

 Date: March 18, 2012, Title: The Art of Love Podcast with Lucia
Frank Kermit makes his 5th appearance on The Art of Love Podcast, hosted by Lucia. On this show, Lucia receives an email from a woman who has been married for 20+years but is sexual unsatisfied and is thinking about having an affair with a much younger man renting their basement. Lucia posted this question on Facebook, and Frank responded in a way that Lucia invited Frank to come on air for the second half of her show.

Date: June 6, 2011 Title: The Art of Love Podcast with Lucia
Frank Kermit makes his 4th appearance on The Art of Love Podcast, hosted by Lucia. On this show, Frank and Lucia talk about an article that Lucia wrote regarding nice guys and why women like jerks. the article went viral and to help address a number of the responses from male readers, Frank and Lucia will dissect the article to figure out what the controversy is all about.  

 Date: September 19, 2010,  Title: The Art of Love Podcast with Lucia
Frank Kermit makes his 3rd appearance on The Art of Love Podcast, hosted by Lucia. On this show, Frank and Lucia talk the Making Monogamy Work. Who does monogamy hurt more - men or women? What are the rules of monogamy? Is there a difference between monogamy and commitment?

 Date: July 25, 2010, Title: The Art of Love Podcast with Lucia
Frank Kermit makes his 2nd appearance on The Art of Love Podcast, hosted by Lucia. On this show, Frank and Lucia talk the Emotional Needs of Women and Frank's book The Emotional Needs Analysis Workbook volume 1. If a woman doesn't want to have sex with a man, it's because he's not satisfying one or more of her emotional needs. Find out what they are in this truly enlightening interview with Frank Kermit, relationship coach and author of, "The Emotional Needs Analysis Workbook".

Date: June 6, 2010, Title: The Art of Love Podcast with Lucia
Frank Kermit is a guest on The Art of Love Podcast, hosted by Lucia. On this show, Frank and Lucia talk the Emotional Needs of Men and Frank's book The Emotional Needs OF MEN Analysis Workbook. 

Episode #1010, Original Air Date: July 2010

Lucia is a Dating and Relationship Expert whose intent is to entertain, educate and enlighten. Known throughout major media as a "Cougar Expert", Lucia defends and coaches older women who are dating and in relationships with younger men. In addition to her Cougar expertise she also produces an internet podcast radio show, writes a weekly column, has authored a book and has appeared regularly on multiple talk shows including The Tyra Banks Show and The Dr. Phil Show

Fear of Conflict is Rooted in a Fear of Loss
 
By Frank Kermit
 
Are you too nice when it comes to relationships? Do you walk on eggshells because you do not want to upset your partner? Are you reluctant to enforce your boundaries with someone you care about? Are you afraid of the confrontations that would result if you communicated how you felt, even if you communicated in a compassionate and effective manner? Chances are you have a fear of conflict.
 
There are very few things more devastating to the potential for long-term relationship success than a fear of conflict. Supplicating to your partner, or anyone for that matter, when your boundaries are crossed will more than likely lead to certain consequences such as building resentment. In time, building resentment needs a release, and this is where the stereotype of the nice person going "postal" comes from. Eventually, all that resentment finally comes out in one full on explosion of emotion, and the people around that person, never saw the rage coming, because that person has always been so accommodating (read: nice) about things. As far as everyone else was concerned, there was never any issue to be worried about, because the person who is too nice, never identified the conflicts he or she was experiencing.
 
Furthermore, another side effect of a fear of conflict can be the bad habit of lying. Lies and lies and more lies, each one to help cover the last one, all in the name of trying to avoid a conflict. Not everyone who fears conflicts lies; however, some do. This is a very bad habit to be in. It gets especially bad when people convince themselves that they are lying to "spare the other person any anguish". Although the liars really do believe, and strongly convince themselves, they are lying for the good of others, the liars will only be able to break this repeating behavior pattern when they can admit they lie to help themselves avoid potential conflicts.
 
THIS is the reason that people who are too nice in relationships often find themselves not easily earning the trust of their lovers. Experience will teach many a partner to be wary of those people that come across as too nice, because new partners will be suspicious about when the next explosion of rage may hit. Caught in the crossfire are people who are very nice, but who are not afraid of conflict. The sad part is that real nice people tend to turn off high quality partners, and attract those people who are in the habit of taking advantage of nice people. Those actual nice people can sometimes feel a sense of frustration because they cannot understand why things continue to not work out in relationships.
 
At the root of fear of conflict is a fear of loss. It has nothing to do with the fear of losing an argument that the conflict might spark. It has to do with how a person will imagine they will be abandoned if they bring the conflict to light. Some people fear conflict because they are worried that having a conflict with someone they care about, might in fact, bring about the end of the relationship. Depending on what the conflict is, the cost of enforcing a boundary could very well be the relationship. In other cases, it is not the conflict that will end the relationship, but a person's inability to handle intense emotions that the conflict brings out. If the person with the conflict is not comfortable with intense emotions, they may bring up the conflict in the only way they know how, which is likely very un-calibrated and comes across as angry, and not a calm discussion.
 
Some people are reluctant to learning to accept conflicts as a part of life because they are afraid that it will cause them to see nothing but conflicts everywhere they look. I attempt to explain to people that conflicts do not just manifest out of thin air. Those conflicts were ALWAYS there and it is just that learning the ability to mange a fear of conflict, also gives the gift of developing a talent to spot conflicts that you previously did not read as conflict signals.
 
For example, part of learning to deal with a fear of conflict is to identify your deal breakers and boundaries. Once you know where your boundaries are, then you will see all those places where your boundaries are violated (thus seeing the signals of conflicts). Until you know yourself enough to be able to articulate your boundaries, you will be unable to manage your fear of conflict because you will not be able to properly put your finger on where the conflict actually exists.
 
The Irony is that you are much more likely to lose what you have if you do not allow for conflicts to surface. People who are too scared to talk it out because they are scared to lose a partner, inevitably end up in situations where they are unable to feel trust in their partners (or vice-versa) because of the silent resentment that slowly builds between them.
 
Resentment kills intimacy. If you have conflicts, you MUST communicate and work them out; otherwise, those conflicts will kill any potential that you would have originally had to make your relationships successful. To summarize, a relationship that cannot handle conflict is a relationship that is destined for doom.
 
Frank Kermit 

Sex Between Friends Is Anything But Casual
The Rules Of Friends-With-Benefits
 
By Frank Kermit
 
Sex between friends! There are some different names this particular relationship structure goes by. Sex-friends, Sex-buddies, C.S.B.F. (casual sex between friends) are among the less vulgar terms. Virgins, or those people with just a little sexual experience, call them "practice partners". The one that seems to be the most popular is F.W.B (friends with benefits). It really does seem like a good idea at the time. Neither of you are in serious relationships. You are both friends. You like each other...enough. You feel comfortable and trust each other. You are lonely, horny, curious or just bored. However, like any relationship structure, there are guidelines to follow and not managing your FWB well, will not only cost you the "benefits" but could also cost you both the entire friendship.
 
A proper FWB relationship means you only see each other once a week. Twice a week on occasion if you plan a special getaway. One of the biggest mistakes that partners make in FWB is that they try to see each other as often as they can in a short time period. All this will do is confuse the issue. Seeing each other more than once a week is acting like more serious relationship than it is, and can nurture romantic feelings to develop. If you act like you are more than just a FWB, you can expect one or both partners to start feeling, wanting or expecting more from each other, even if you had "the talk". (The Talk is when you talk and both agree that this is just friends having sex, that it will not change anything in your friendship, and you both understand that this is not going to turn into a relationship.
 
FYI: The talk does not work if you act like you are publically dating regardless of what you agreed to in private before sex.) When you do see your FWB, make sure that it is never on Friday or Saturday nights, as those nights are best left reserved for family and social outings, where you are likely to meet someone that you can have more committed love relationship than that with a FWB.
 
It is key to remember that FWB is a time-limited affair. You are only together for as long as it takes for just one of you to meet, date and get serious enough with another person such that being FWB would become an act of infidelity to the new partner. Once your FWB finds someone new, or you do, you stop being FWB. If you have managed it well, you will hopefully still be friends. If you cannot wish your FWB to be able to find love and happiness with a potential soul mate that is not you...then be ethical. Do not become FWB.
 
FWB is a discreet engagement. No one should ever know you even have a FWB. No one should ever be able to find out just by seeing the two of you together that you are being intimate when alone. When you and your FWB are in the same social circle and happen to be at the same party or social event, you behave like friends who are NOT sleeping together.
 
FWB works behind closed doors when no one is looking. You do not hold hands, kiss or show romantic affection for each other in the presence of your other friends. If your FWB is talking with someone that could be a potential future date for him or her, you cannot express any jealousy. You are not in a public romantic relationship. You are having a private intimate exchange with someone that is a friend. Too the rest of the world, you must present yourselves as nothing but friends. You do not "date" your FWB. You do not attend events "with" your FWB. You can meet up afterwards in secret, but again, keep your mouth shut, as no one should know your private business. In fact, you never even tell your FWB about your other FWB, nor should you ask whom else your FWB has as a FWB. For this reason, use protection and practice safe sex. There are many secrets you can share with friends, but who else is your FWB, and or whether or not you even have one, is not one of them.
 
Virgins can find lots of benefits as FWB. The opportunity to practice kissing, touching, being sexual, without the pressure of trying to get a partner to keep liking you, adding to that the comfort of being vulnerable with someone that is already deemed a friend has prompted many virgins to lose their virginities through FWB. At least that is the theory.
 
Some people who lost their virginities as FWB feel it gave them the confidence they needed to take a chance on the future relationships they went into, while others regret not waiting as they wished they would have experienced their first times within relationships that were more meaningfully committed. Be sure you know what you value. There are things you simply cannot take back.
 
Be mindful that FWB can be educational and very fun. However there are always negatives with this lifestyle. First, great fun can be easily confused with great escapism. Some people thrive as FWB because they have deep-rooted intimacy issues and it is a means to continue that dysfunctional repeating behavior pattern. When fun becomes escapism, the sex stops being satisfying and resorts to just another temporary distraction to combat the entrenched empty feelings associated with intimacy barriers. Ironically, some people only do FWB because they want to see as many people as they can so that they never end up alone.
 
The reality of FWB is that these time-limited love fits, tend to end quickly and the FWB practitioners tend to end up alone at the worst possible times. For example, no one would want to spend Valentine's Day with a FWB when they could have the potential (not even a guarantee, but just a potential) of meeting someone new for a deeper connection which is why many FWB tend to end abruptly just before or on V-day.
 
FWB is not a romantic relationship per se, and if that is all you have ever experienced, you will not have developed the social skills necessary to carry you through the rough patches that even the best-committed relationships go through. You can drop a FWB at any time, and it is actually easier to do so than it is to work out your differences. If you have formed that habit of flight instead of fighting to keep your relationship healthy, then trying to manage a more serious relationship later on will be challenging for you if all you have ever known are FWB.
 
Some people become too reliant on FWB, that they stop being social. It is just easier to continue being with the same FWB and not going out to meet new people. This is a horrible place to be in, because when the FWB ends (and it will), those partners that stopped meeting new people, and growing socially, end up worse off than if they never tried the FWB dynamic.
 
Even if managed well, as mentioned in this article, it is still very possible to end up developing romantic feelings for the person you are semi-regularly sleeping with. Your heart may not get "broken"...but your heart certainly will get dinged. It takes a level of emotional maturity management that not everyone has the capacity for. FWB is not for everyone.
 
Eventually, chances are very high that one or both of you will end up in a serious relationship down the road. The chances are also very high that your future spouse or partner will not want you to continue a friendship with someone that you were secretly intimate with. When getting very serious with someone, it may be the time to tell all about who your FWB were, especially if those FWB are still in your current social circle.
 
This may not apply to all couples, however some people change their open accepting attitudes when not only their hearts are involved, but factor in joint property investments, kids and a lifestyle, such that the idea of spending free time with people that already have established successfully being intimate with their life partner in secret in the past, will cause more trust issues for the future. It will be easier to manage the concerns of the new life partner, than keeping the friendship with an ex FWB is ever worth. Your time as FWB will end at some at some point. If you want to continue to have your FWB, as a friend when it is over, be sure to manage the relationship so that you do not lose, not only your FWB, but also the entire social networks you both were part in. And even then, your friendship will always have an asterisks next to it, so don't expect that friendship to last forever either. Just like any other endeavor that comes with lots of immediate "benefits", in the end, you end up having to pay the price over time for them. Sometimes the long term cost effects weren't worth the initial benefits you were provided.
 
Shop carefully!
 
Frank Kermit 

 Friendship Is Meaningless
Stop Hanging Out With Friends
Who Sexually Reject You
 
By Frank Kermit
 
Friendship is meaningless. There I said it. Now before you shoot one of your nasty emails to the editor, actually read this column to understand the context where this is true.
 
A young man in his 20s came up to me after a workshop I conducted. He had really made an effort to participate to learn about how attraction works, and he seemed troubled by something I had said. It was in the context of calling friendship meaningless when one person has affection for the other, but the other person does not return that affection. He was in a situation where he was spending every Saturday night with a female friend that he was in love with.
 
They would watch movies at home, and even hold hands, but when he tried to kiss her or talk about getting into a dating relationship, she would reject all his advances. She was a single mom and had no interest in dating anyone. All she wanted was to raise her kid, and spend time with friends, but not get involved with anyone.
 
So, he continued to hang out with her every Saturday night, sometimes holding hands but nothing else waiting for the day she would change her mind. At the same time, there was a second girl in this story that was interested in dating him, however he could not see past his "movie buddy" to give the second girl a chance.
 
The guy is this story is wasting his time on a meaningless friendship. He wants a romantic relationship with a female friend that is sexually rejecting him. The second girl in this story is also wasting her time in a meaningless friendship waiting for a guy that does not value her enough to give her a chance at a deeper connection.
 
If either rejecter in this story had taken the chance with the person who loved them, they could be enjoying the benefits and happiness that can result from being in a loving relationship with someone that can know you like a friend, and feel you like a lover. However, many rejecters are reluctant to take the chance, often citing not wanting to lose the friendship.
 
Herein lies the irony. You cannot lose something that does not exist. There is no friendship to lose, because once someone has feelings for the other, the friendship becomes a facade. It is not real, because the one in love with the friend is holding out, waiting for the other to change.
 
Waiting for someone to change to like you enough to make the leap is not an acceptance of a friend, which is a requirement for friendship. If there was a friendship there originally, before the feelings of one person surfaced, then that friendship is now over. Romantic feelings negate the friendship.
 
Through my personal experience, as well as my practice as a relationship coach, I am very much convinced that constant exposure to a friend that you are in love with, that does not return that love, can be very emotionally damaging to the person who is on the receiving end of that sexual rejection.
 
Constantly exposing yourself to regular sexual rejection from them same person helps establish a repeating behavior pattern where you will eventually end up associating having feelings for someone with the feelings of being rejected.
 
This means that over time, you will have your attraction for someone triggered if they reject you and mistreat you, yet if someone that treats you well, or shows you positive romantic attentions, you will eventually train your emotional intelligence to get turned off by the very person that values you enough to take a relational risk with you.
 
This is why when someone sexually rejects you, it is important NOT to continue to spend time with that person under the guise of a friendship, in the hopes they will be open to it later.
 
That constant exposure to being rejected sexually again and again, instead of seeking the attentions of someone new, runs the risk of become too familiar to you. If constant sexual rejection becomes too familiar to you, you could develop an unhealthy attachment that would forever forge you into pursuing people that don't actually like you, or would just use you. (A-ha moment anyone?)
 
That same attachment would also turn you off from those individuals that are actually interested in having a legitimate loving relationship with you.
 
Staying in a friendship where you are constantly being sexually rejected is bad. It could make getting into a loving relationship in the future more challenging because you have trained yourself to respond to people that reject you, instead of responding to people that like you. The kind of friendship where this is going on is a bad friendship.
 
If you have to choose between maintaining a bad friendship or having no friendship of any kind with the person you asked out and rejected you, then it is better to have no friendship at all. A bad friendship is a meaningless friendship.
 
Frank Kermit

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From Lovers To Friends
By Frank Kermit
April 27, 2016, Updated on March 1, 2018


Most of the time, I get asked by clients how to go from being just friends with someone, to actually dating them. In fact, it is so popular a question that I have written a book: 'From Friends To Lovers: Stop Being Her Emotional Cookie Man' and have recorded a 2-hour MP3 lecture  on the subject.


Occasionally however, I do get the reverse. A person that asks how to stop being lovers, but still stay friends?


This can be somewhat challenging as the nature of going from lovers to just friends, is very dependent on the kind of sexual relationship that existed previously. 


If the two of you were just casual lovers or friends-with-benefits, and there was never any expectation of things getting into a more serious commitment, then transitioning from lovers to friends might be a simpler process.


If the two of you were dating more seriously with the hopes of it becoming a committed long term relationship, staying friends after ending your sexual involvement may not even be a good idea, depending on how attached or hurt one or both of you are after the break up.


There are times, when going from lovers to friends may require a period of no-contact, to help with personal healing and breaking attachment patterns.


So, becoming friends may still happen, but likely only after a period of not being actual friends, but still remaining on “friendly” terms. (Usually this means that although someone is hurt or feeling rejected, they do not resort to attacks on your character just because of the break up).


 The best way to manage becoming friends after being lovers is to manage the friendship from before you become lovers in the first place. If you make it clear between both parties before starting a physical relationship, that there is no desire or expectation of something more serious later on, it will be easier to remain friends afterwards.


Part of managing those expectations is to also make it clear to both partners that this arrangement is a time limited involvement.  You start off by being clear this can and will end at any time.


Even in cases where someone develops feelings for the other, it is still easier to remain friends in the long run, if you are both honest about the meaning (or lack thereof as the case may be) your sexual relationship actually has.

If you are in a more committed relationship and you want to stop being lovers and demote each other back to friends (sounds kind of harsh doesn’t it?), the best way to break up is to focus on all the reasons you are both incompatible for a future long term relationship. 


If your long term plans are in conflict (for example, one of you wants to raise a family in the country, while the other wants to live in the city), then using that as a basis for ending the relationship has the greatest chances of salvaging a friendship after sex. 


Simply acting on a lack of attraction, or feelings lost will not garner feelings of friendship.  Yes, losing those honeymoon phase feelings does happen, even in the best of couples and lovers, but that alone does not have to mean the end of being lovers (as many successful long term couples will attest too). 


Even the best of connections can hit an attraction slump on the road of pleasure.


If you stop being lovers because of your long-term incompatibilities, and not based on your moment-to-moment feelings, there are less hurt feelings, less feelings of rejection, and a lot more understanding. 


Even if you aren’t able to become the best of friends, at the very least, you are more likely to end up on “friendly-enough” terms.  In an age of social media, that is a grand option.