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Would you like to try having phone sex but don't know where to start? Continue reading to learn some tips and where you can go to connect with like minded people.  Phone Sex With Strangers Can Be Fun There’s one thing that most people learn when they’re alone that they never thought was possible. That’s the absolute fact that phone sex with strangers is a whole lot of fun. You get to talk about all of your filthiest fantasies with someone who’s just trying to have a good time with you. You don’t have to worry about what they think of you and you don’t even have to get their name right. You just talk about whatever you want to talk about and they have fun with you. In fact, you don’t even have to be alone to learn this. NYMag has a whole article about a woman in a sexless marriage that got herself addicted to phone sex with strangers. It doesn’t matter how odd it sounds. It’s true and it’s something that any person in the world can do. All you need is a phone and you’re off and running. You can have some fun and never have to talk to the other person again. You’ll never have to worry about the way that you’re coming off because you’re only interacting with this person for an hour or so and then you can both forget that each other even exist. The Dirtier, The Better The one thing to keep in your mind is that the dirtier you can get with your phone sex, the better it’s going to be. That’s just how it is and you get to benefit from it. If you can let yourself go and really let your sexuality come out to play, then you’re going to give your phone sex partners an experience that they enjoy and would gladly come back to try out again. If you want to know just how dirty you can get, just think about porn. If there’s something that’s over the line for you, it’s probably going to be going too far. Other than that, everything is on the table. This woman talks about how dirty you have to be if you want to be a professional phone sex provider. If you take her cues, you’ll be able to get dirty without having to hold yourself back. Just ask yourself if the sex act seems like it would be fun for both of the people involved. If the answer is yes then you know that you’re on to something really good that you should try out. How to Have Phone Sex Don’t think that you can just get on your phone and start talking, though. That’s not going to get you very far. It’s a good idea to at least have a passing understanding of what constitutes phone sex and what’s just going to be blabbing with someone. You’ll have to pay attention to how they’re reacting to find out what they like and what’s going too far for them. You’ll also have to know when to send nude pics and when not to send them. It all depends on how deep into the phone sex you happen to be and where the other person is. If you need a good primer, Cosmopolitan had a really good article when it comes to having phone sex. Just think about the kind of people that the article was made for. It was written for women who want to have phone sex. If you can dial into what they’re saying, you can give the women exactly what they’re looking for. It will make you the perfect stranger for them to get naughty with when they want to explore their own desires over the phone. Find Out Where The Strangers Go If you’re already sold on the idea of having phone sex with strangers then all you need to do is find someone to have it with. There are lots of different places that offer it, but you can cut through all of that noise and find the best place for all of your phone sex needs. If you check out Arousr then you’ll be greeted with as many different people as you could ever want to have phone sex with. The best part is that you can see what everyone looks like before you decide to spend any time on them. That’s going to give you the freedom that you really need. You won’t have to wonder what she looks like when you’re talking to her. She’s going to have a pic on her profile so you know exactly how hot she happens to be. That’s going to make the phone sex much better than it would otherwise be. On top of that, these are women who love to do it. You’ll never find a more enthusiastic stranger to have phone sex with. Once you experience it, you’ll be back over and over again.
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 Sugar Daddies For Quick Cash
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One of the faults in sugar arrangements is “the girlfriend experience,” he said. “By behaving and doing things that couples normally do, they start to have emotional attachments that they didn’t anticipate,” he said.
This includes such things as public displays of affection and going on dates. “The girlfriend experience” creates the potential for feelings of jealousy, which can cause turmoil in the arrangement for both parties, he said.
It is also often difficult for sugar babies to support themselves financially once their arrangement is over, as they are accustomed to a certain way of life, he said.
“If any of these sugar daddies cut them off, they’re not necessarily used to earning their own money through other means,” he said.
Kermit recalled in an interview that he counselled a sugar baby who dropped out of university once she found a sugar daddy.
“When someone is getting that kind of money on a regular basis, school may not be a priority for them anymore,” he said.
It isn’t just the sugar babies affected by this kind of arrangement either. In his experience, many sugar daddies he has counselled have become “socially dull,” he said. Once their arrangement is over, sugar daddies often do not know how to act around other women when they are not paying for their services, he said. The same behaviors that had been accepted by sugar babies, are no longer accepted by women these sugar daddies meet afterward, he said.
Sugar arrangements aren’t without benefit however. “Whether it’s money, whether it’s getting sex, or whether it’s getting certain experiences this person wouldn’t get without this arrangement, there is a positive,” he said. “That’s why people do it.”
People can often experiment with sexual fetishes in sugar relationships that they may be too nervous to try in conventional relationships, he said. Since all aspects of the arrangement are negotiated beforehand, these fetishes can be discussed early on. “Be clear about your boundaries and stick to them,” he said.
“The best way to make sugar relationships healthier is to stop calling it a relationship,” he said. “Call it what it is. Call it an arrangement.”
 Sarah Do Couto | About The Author My name is Sarah Do Couto and I’m a Ryerson University journalism student. I have a passion for writing about all things odd and unconventional.I was born and raised in Hamilton and grew up as a self-proclaimed theatre nerd. E-mail: [email protected] Phone number: 905-741-5099 Twitter: @sarahdocouto Instagram: @sarah_docouto |
| If you are getting back into dating after having been involved in a Sugar Arrangement, then sign up for non-judgment Frank Coaching to get you back in the world of non-arrangement dating. |  |
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Kinky Acrostic Poetry
*Disclaimer:
the views of the author do not necessarily represent the views of Franktalks.com.
It is important to present different views/mindsets, and that includes material that may be deemed controversial in nature.
Kinky Acrostic Sunday
by Annabel Joseph
Oh BAM! Yes, you remember writing Acrostic poetry from first grade.
Who's to say we can't put it to kinky purposes?
Acrostic poetry is another example of "constrained writing"--a literary technique in which the writer is bound by some condition that forbids certain things or imposes a pattern.
Ooh...what could be more kinky than being constrained or bound?
Here are a few examples I came up with. You gotta try this. It's fun!
| W hy should I H elp you fetch the I nstrument of my own P unishment? |  Get Started |
 Fantasy Wardrobes | S ensual L oving A ccommodating V igilant E namored |
| P otent E rotically charged R aw V ery horny E xtremely excitable R aunchily T antalizing... |  All tied up with work |
 check out the goodies inspired by the book and movie | R ough O bscene M agnificent A rduous N eedful C arnal E xquisite |
Be sure to post your own acrostics in the comments!
-Annabel Joseph
http://annabeljoseph.com/
To read past articles by Annabel Joseph, click:
www.franktalks.com/blog/stigma-and-struggles-of-humiliation-kink
The Following are two interviews that Frank Kermit and Annabel Joseph participated in and one clip from Annabel Joseph audio book
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P.S. Do you Agree With This Article? Disagree?
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Write your thoughts in the comments below and share this article to see how many of your friends think like you.
P.S. Do you Agree With This Article? Disagree?
Have something to Add?
Write your thoughts in the comments below and share this article to see how many of your friends think like you.
*Disclaimer: the views of the author do not necessarily represent the views of Franktalks.com. It is important to present different views/mindsets, and that includes material that may be deemed controversial in nature.
5 Assumptions to Stop Making About Porn Stars and Sex Workers
Five General Assumptions About Porn Stars and Sex Workers
by Adhimu Stewart aka Malcolm Lovejoy
It's now the Springtime of 2017. Technology is at an all-time level of stupendous evolution. I was at OCAD - Ontario College of Art and Design two weeks ago, and I saw a man with a self-attached, metallic digital earpiece connected to the side his temple, and it extended into his ear like it was straight outta Star Trek: the Next Generation.
Google Earth can allow you to visually experience damn near anywhere on this planet from the comfort of your cozy chair in front of your computer. And Ocular Rift is genuinely brain-rearranging in its ability to transport us to unforeseen dimensions of inventive imaginative eye-popping experiences in life... and love and sex, of course!
As it is incalculable how important, nay, excruciatingly vital, the phenomenon of human sexuality has been in playing a primary, innovative, pioneering role in evolving virtually every aspect of human existence, from technology, family, finance, science, religion, justice to basic universal empathy;
sexuality is literally the lifeblood of reality.
You are here because two people had sex (unless you were born via in vitro fertilization,which also required two people's chemical interaction) and, sadly... the fact that two (or more) people simply chose to have some fun and have sex with each other STILL causes other people that ALSO are alive on earth because two other people had sex with each other, to get all messed-up in their morals and perspectives on others living a simple human life!
Let us learn how to stop the proverbial madness, once and for all.
The degree of decorum-destroying general disrespect that is unleashed ad nausea across the world by generations of less-than-enlightened individuals that completely forget some of the BASIC fundamental principals of a democratic society, and fail to maturely maintain that in a free and civilized nation, democracy and freedom applies to individual sexual philosophical selection as well.
This dangerous daily disrespect cannot be quantified enough.
And whether heard or unheard, unleashed violently or emotionally,
EVERY SINGLE ACT of denial and dishonor to human sexual freedom is downright wrong,
no matter how many likes some anti-woman sex-shaming meme gets liked or spread endlessly around the internet, nor how many people privately mutter some slanderous dirt about Belle Knox, Ciara & her new husband, Lindsay Lohan's list of lovers, Rihanna's badgyal image, Kirsten Stewart's infidelity to Robert Pattinson, the Brangelina/Jennifer Aniston thing, or Amber Rose's Slutwalk Initiative (or the original SlutWalk in Toronto, among other acts of resistance).
Between completely conscious, collaborative, consenting individuals, whether they are both 21 years old, or 42 years old (if not 82, I'm no ageist and I plan to be having sex until my last day on earth), there has NEVER been an act of safe, sacred and satisfying sexual connection that is worth the apocalyptic religious judgement, negative public stigma, familial shame and/or other detrimental damage done to anyone that has been "caught" enjoying their right to be a human being intimate with other human beings that seek to temporarily bask in the eternal bliss found in a hug, a kiss or any other form of connection we can courageously reach out for in this semi-selfish, harsh, hypocritical, cold world.
And thus far, I've mostly been focusing on people who DON'T have sex for money or on a professional basis of value-oriented economic exchange, just the illogical issues too many powerful and supposedly educated people still have about basic, simple sex!
Because honestly: regardless of the countless advances in technology we have accomplished as human beings collectively, sex is generally STILL struggling a very barely-evolved phenomenon across the modern world.
With men, women and people all being taught, manipulated, exploited, controlled, lied to, sold to, and screamed to by forces as big and influential as international organized religion, various educational institutions, the completely inconsistent and contradictory legal system, the partisan confusion preached by various levels of government, the increasingly unknown intentions of modern scientists... and you're supposed to somehow try and have a lifetime of fun with your genitalia and friends in an earthly environment THIS insane?
Good luck!!
I have no idea in the world about what acceptable areas and boundaries of intimacy we are supposed to have any unlimited fun within (much less make any money or exercise any constitutional liberty), facing as many internal and external obstacles as we collectively suffer with now.
And, with all that frustrated foreplay having been gushed out: one way I have realized I can constantly keep expanding the fun I feel is:
TO KNOW THE TRUTH,
and keep it as close as possible to the foundation of your feelings, thoughts and actions during every day of your literal life.
And from this vantage point of life understanding, I'd like to begin this article:
FIVE ASSUMPTIONS TO STOP MAKING
ABOUT PORN STARS AND SEX WORKERS IN 2017.
Some of these are new, some of them are not, but they are all still relevant and matter to me, my friends, my co-workers, my heroes, my heroines, my idols and my entire future.
Let's begin unlearning and relearning some things, shall we?
Assumption 1
That a porn star is the same wild person off-camera that they are on-camera, or a sex worker is always horny, and thus should always be sexually available.
There is very little difference between any actor, musician, porn star, or entertainer in Show Business. On a certain level, at the end of the day:
THEY ARE SIMPLY NOT THE SAME PERSON AT HOME AS THEY ARE AT WORK!
There may be some existential aspects or personality traits of their professional life that make an appearance in their private life, but for the most part, the reality is: what you are witnessing on screen and falling in love with IS A PERFORMER GIVING A PERFORMANCE, not necessarily the actual person you dream they are.
Maybe one of the best, and original examples of such moonlighting is:
Marilyn Monroe isn't actually named 'Marilyn Monroe'.
Her birth name was Norma Jean Mortenson, and, unsurprisingly, she was also not nearly as dumb as she acted on screen, fighting with studio executives and going head-to-head with the President, before her rather suspicious death.
I'm sure a lot of men and women get aroused by the idea that the actor/actress/acting person they're starstruck over is the witty writer and/or clever creator of the scintillating dialogue magically dripping off their lips and enchanting you eternally, or that they are the owner of all the clothes you love to see them dazzle you in, or that there's no embellishment, exaggeration or outside influence upon by the director or producer upon the final version of the image of the person you are dreaming to wake up beside.
But in porn, it's the same as Hollywood: times five.
Or more like times 69!
I know so many porn stars that have sex like wildebeests on MDMA and tasmanian devils on bath salts, but the moment it's time to stop having sex and start breathing and speaking like a normal muggle again, they simply devote their daytime energy to things like animal rights activism, promoting fitness/exercise culture, fighting for civil rights & justice, whether for reproductive freedom or for LGBTQ+ empowerment, if not some other body autonomy issue worth protesting and shouting at the devil over... or they are just a regular person that is cool with showing themselves have sex for money!
Sure, the world of porn can be a quite a life-consuming occupation for many participants, but it doesn't have to necessarily eclipse a porn star's entire reality when they are not getting sweaty and sexy for the camera.
There are married porn stars that have families and husbands/wives outside the industry that they go home to when they are off the clock.
There are porn stars that only do specific acts for money on camera, and may not EVER show their genitals, or other private parts of their body to the world.
Some BDSM practitioners might be known to paddle and flog in a particular signature skin-tight latex/leather outfit, but is on some Mariah Carey/Catholic Nun-level chastity as far as NEVER ONCE having their nipples, genitals or even bare skin be exposed to the world for all ogling eyes to see.
Not every day on the job requires actual penetrative sex, and thank goodness, because one's sex drive isn't a consistent faucet with the same expressive pressure every day.
Bonnie Rotten might actually be as aggressive in her personal interactions in business as she is in her personal interactions in porn... but that doesn't mean she's spitting down throats and begging for prolapsed gapings in the middle of her lasagna dinner at Olive Garden.
Yes, as a porn star, I might have had my work life bleed into my non-work life a bit, and I might occasionally be out at some historic nature monument, looking around like
"I wonder if we can have sex/shoot porn here?"
Yes, that does happen sometimes, ha. But I'm not always scouting women to have sex with, and I'm not always trying to have sex with the women I am attracted to, even if they know I do porn and want to have sex with them!
Porn stars like non-porn movies too!
Heck, Ron Jeremy is a classically-trained piano teacher, Lexington Steele is a university-educated, former Wall Street stock broker, and Nina Hartley is a registered nurse.
Ron "The Hedgehog" Jeremy, as much as people want to downplay him as if his impressive genitals were all he had to offer this world, is a certified schoolteacher, and was teaching children on the autism spectrum before it was even diagnosed as such.
And sure, not all porn stars might be bookish introverts before they remove their khakis and Oxford blazer,
but that doesn't justify denying any porn star the possibility of being a multi-faceted individual capable of any and all the other attributes we ascribe to erotic actors.
Finally, even if they are like Asa Akira, and absolutely LOVE being hypersexual as much as possible, what's wrong with that?
Nobody shames LeBron James for being obsessed with playing basketball, and if they did, how foolish would they look?
About as foolish as anyone shaming any other grown adult for doing exactly what they want with their freedom in life on any given day.
Assumption 2
That porn stars and sex workers are unclean, physically
or morally, and that it's smarter to stay away from touching them, if you find out you have met one.
Optimism and evolution would have most socially-conscious individuals hoping this ignorantly-immature sexual criticism would not remain such a prevalent issue in modern society, what with things like the infinitely-overloaded resource of information known as Internet at virtually everyone on earth's disposal.
But, nope!
We're still living in times not far removed from the 70's, 80's and the AIDS epidemic, when people were saying stupid shit like "Don't share toilet seats with gay people!" or "You can catch HIV from mosquitoes, or drinking from the same cup."
These were some of the ignorant ideas about sexuality that were perpetuated by the masses (not that the government and the education system didn't also do their share of mis-education and avoidance of addressing the facts), and honestly, it's unbelievable how little we have progressed collectively as a society, and as a world.
What with Earvin 'Magic' Johnson still alive and well after diagnosing his HIV status in 1991 and having a famous gender-queer son, as well as new HIV-management treatments such as PrEP,
I'm surprised that more people aren't opening their minds even a tiny bit, to the possibility of STI's, STD's and/or even manageable or terminal diseases not being the scarlet letter for pariahs awaiting eternal existential exodus.
And whether it's HIV, chlamydia, warts, hepatitis, or herpes, the unassailable, unwavering, unbelievably true fact is: the regular civilian that is slut-shaming and slandering any porn stars for being "sexually unclean" has a MUCH HIGHER POSSIBILITY OF TRANSMITTING AN STI than any professional porn star operating at a consistent basis in the adult entertainment industry.
The assumption people have about porn star is silly.
For every story of a Cameron Bay contracting HIV or a Mr. Marcus spreading syphilis shutdown, there's literally ~millions~ of videos of porn stars exchanging nothing but healthy consensual human sexual energy, plus some saliva and semen and other funky fun fluids between each other, then getting their compensation and calling it a good day's work.
The additional truth that the vast majority of porn stars get tested every 14-28 days for most, if not all, STI's to be legally and professionally invited to shoot, in contrast to the general understanding that the average man or woman found at your local bar/dance club/social gathering on a Friday or Saturday night is considered to get tested for STI's approximately once or twice a YEAR, as well as has NO discernible evidence, video or otherwise, that proves they have not had unprotected sex with others since the last (or first) time we chose to become intimate, puts the whole truth into perspective for me.
It's a different level of interaction between men and men in porn and in the gay community, but this is not to reinforce the stereotype that porn stars spread diseases because of their work.
But that doesn't mean I think I'm going to catch gonorrhea when I go to use the washroom at the Black Eagle Bar on Church St.!)
Yet, I digress.
The bottom line is:
MANY people still think porn stars and sex workers are physically and morally unclean than the rest of the population, including a few doctors at the walk-in clinic I go to that offer little more than a judgmental cold shoulder and the lowest level of customer service possible the moment after I reveal my sex worker status, while seeking testing or other related information.
It's probably one of the most knee-jerk, automatic cliches to say about human beings in general: the assumption that people that do sex or porn are dirty, just like assuming something ignorant like "fat people eat like pigs", not considering metabolism, genetics, health conditions, body diversity, or any other reason why it's foolish to assume bigger bodied people are different than any one else.
Or deserve any less respect than you or I.
So, yes.
EVERY single porn star you look at online is NOT a dirty person, physically, morally, economically, or socially.
I always say: Porn is messy, not dirty.
Real Pornography is the professional creation of healthy, clean, safe, visible sexual delight between happily consenting individuals that are erotically empowered and engaged.
Fact: every single Thursday, Friday and Saturday night of the year: there are two people who drunkenly connected with each other at some neighborhood bar, and let the rush of lust consume and compel them to find the first available room/bathroom stall, and get busy... and they didn't stop to ask for consent for barely anything, conducted rather high risk sex possibly without protection, maybe didn't even tell each other their real names, and didn't have any intention on ever seeing them again, yet lied about that desire for short term fun...
...and its people like THIS that want to slander porn stars and disrespect sex workers as morally and/or sexually unclean?
The hypocrisy would be laughable, if it wasn't so widespread, malicious and baseless... on top of being foolish beyond comprehension.
Assumption 3.
Porn stars & sex workers don't value themselves and/or were abused, so that's why they are doing sex work, and their families must be ashamed of them.
To deny the autonomous choice of hundreds of thousands of grown adults all over the age of 18 that all must sign 2257 legal documentation, plus show two pieces of government I.D., as well as doctor's-approved clean STI testing, is, as I said, downright ridiculous beyond articulation.
The judgmental stigmatization around sexuality is slowly, painfully, creatively and controversially being eradicated on a variety of levels in North America and other forward-thinking societies, from the steamy plots of new age TV shows like 'The Sopranos', 'The L Word', 'Californication', 'Masters of Sex', 'True Blood', 'Game of Thrones', 'Queer as Folk' and back to 'Sex and the City', which all have done impressive work in helping normalize sex, nudity and sexuality to the masses on levels of awareness unknown and rarely explored in the 80's or 90's.
Also through rare and various Hollywood movies like 'Boogie Nights', 'When Harry Met Sally', 'Secretary', 'Poetic Justice', 'Love Jones', 'The Notebook', 'How Stella Got Her Groove Back', 'Love and Basketball', '50 Shades of Grey' (ugh) and some imported gems like 'Blue is the Warmest Color', 'Nymphomaniac', 'Y Tu Mama Tambien' and 'Love', amongst many others, modern cinema has opened the average person's mind in general, to nontraditional types of love, new age relationships and sex itself not being the one-way ticket to some supposed burning lake of fire...
...which, strangely, is the fundamental reason WHY every single one of us has manifest a destiny on the planet earth: because. our. parents. were. having. sex!
I say all this to say: do you think the actors and actresses parents feel like those actors and actresses don't value themselves? Does Scarlett Johannsen not value herself because she does a movie like 'Under the Skin'? Does Halle Berry not value herself because she did a sex scene like the one with Billy Bob Thornton in 'Monster's Ball'? How about Monica Belluci, and her shockingly realistic rape scene in 'Irreversible', does her doing that scene mean she hates herself and wants to abuse herself, like any other porn star or sex worker that gets paid to act out a hardcore scene?
Where does the line start or stop?
Well, there actually is no line between any genre, except for the one in anyone's mind.
To think that actors aren't also whores or that whores aren't also actors, is to completely misunderstand showbiz, the entertainment industry, and sexuality itself.
The adage "sluts give it away, whores get paid for it" is a gross exaggeration of the basic sexual contract in North American society, but...it's kinda true.
And I don't judge either one for getting pleasure, or getting paid for pleasure!
I humbly suggest you do the same.
And honestly, whether or not their families and friends are ashamed of them:
as long as they are being safe and consensual, who gives a darn what anyone else thinks?
Unless girls are being coerced and manipulated into porn, which does happen sadly, I won't deny (but doesn't the National Army, the fashion industry & professional sports industry all recruit naive, young people under semi-suspicious circumstances as well?) then opinions are like sphincters without enough lube: something that should stay closed tight.
I will confess personally, it's pretty helpful to have my mother actually supportive of my porn career as well as my nude modeling, but my biological father isn't supportive at all, yet: I couldn't care less about his opinion!
I will sleep wonderful at night knowing that I have a marvelous scene planned tomorrow with a divinely sacred person, where the BDSM, aggressive kink and dominant scenes we have planned are well within our boundaries as responsible adults playing sexy games with each other.
I wasn't abused as a child, I love myself beyond measure, my family knows all about my porn career, and supports me doing safe sex work for as long as I want to.
Which is:
for the rest of my natural born life, thank you very much, and you're welcome!
Assumption 4.
That you are not, and never have been, in any way connected to anyone in the sex industry, and that you
"don't associate with people like that"
Reality check: considering how many women and other people are silent about their (possibly temporary) careers in the sex industry, or simply have a second life they don't reveal, I would gamble on the unknown statistics being somewhere around maybe 2 or 3 out of 10 men going their whole sexual life NOT ever having any kind of sexual or intimate engagement with a person that had some sort of sex work/porn employment in their own life.
The amount of girls that were strippers to get through college, or did some camgirl work on the side, or was a prostitute temporarily (and maybe still is occasionally), or did some nude modeling for a source of income while going to university, amongst countless other possibilities, cannot be quantified.
Nor judged.
Just happily assume that one of your best fantasies in your life might have occurred because they were a professional, and you just happened to get lucky somehow...
Assumption 5.
That sex work or pornography can be eradicated by government legislation, or that pornography can be controlled by religious doctrine and moral decree.
As the timeless saying goes: "Prostitution is the world's oldest profession". In 2017, it's absolutely, probably, and truly finally about time people grow up and accept it's not going anywhere.
At all!
Accept this instead: some people want to expose themselves to the incomprehensibly vast diversity of activity in the world, while others just don't have the same level of ambition.
Neither one is right or wrong for wanting what (and who) they want to do.
Some people want to deep sea dive with underwater lifeforms off the shores of Madagascar, others don't.
Some people want to jump out of airplanes and skydive then parachute, some don't.
Some people want to fix cars, some don't.
Some people want to cook gourmet meals in expensive restaurants with exotic ingredients, some don't.
Some people want to research the newest advances in microbiology in a clinical laboratory, some don't.
Some people want to kiss, lick, suck, and have sex with other people to their heart's content, some people don't.
Life is better when you can balance yourself in the midst of such divergent possibilities of playful personal adventure on earth, and find what works for you without needing to impose your values and desires on anyone else's values and desires, whether it's your family, your friends, enemies or strangers... and probably most importantly, your lovers and sex partners in life!
Negotiation and balance becomes different.
Conversation, compromise and communication becomes different.
Controlling others choices is never cool, unless you're protecting your own child, and even at a certain point, that becomes corrupting.
Caring about someone being safe while they go make their wildest dreams come true is way more cool.
And the President, the Prime Minister and the Pope have sexual standards that you need NOT emulate, unless you want to be one of them, or work in those career paths.
Follow your own codes, beliefs & laws, as you follow your own heart towards your purpose and pleasure in life and love.
Taking a journey like that, while not making any of these assumptions
about any of the sex workers and porn stars you enjoy seeing publicly or
even indulging in these days, will usher you to a wonderful level of
empathy, compassion and understanding of both business and pleasure on the
professional level, as well as just respecting humanity properly.
Begin removing these archaic ignorant notions amongst & about others, and
THEN you can safely make the assumption that you're part of the solutions
in sex, not part of the problems stopping the potential of you producing as
many wonderful memories as possible in your own spectacular love and sex
life. A beautiful love & sex life is truly paradise.
Sincerely yours,
Adhimu Stewart aka Malcolm Lovejoy,
Professional Love Maker
About the Author
Malcolm Lovejoy (musician/journalist/activist/porn star/sex educator/human being) is the porn star of the future. A renaissance man like no other in adult entertainment, he is a romantic enthusiast on levels that would make Casanova proud. His feminist-focused approach to all things pornographic pushes his work into a category unlike most men in porn, as Malcolm's passion for providing multi-orgasmic satisfaction for his partners before spending time trying to give a money shot, his unparalleled oral skills, tender touch and ultra-athletic action-packed sex style makes Malcolm's porn a beautiful vision to behold for everyone lucky enough to see it! And in his first 2 years of filming, he has explored a wide variety of adult content, from heterosexual pleasure, to bondage & submissive play, female ejaculation scenes, solo masturbation, transgender scenes, sci-fi sex, pornographic music videos, and so much more. With over 50 scenes filmed thus far, and more on the way, his plans for 2017 and beyond are nothing but bring more of Malcolm Lovejoy's boundless beauty and sacred sexuality to the world for all people to be endlessly educated and entertained by...
If you want to know more, just ask me!
Email: [email protected]
Twitter: mindbendermind
Facebook: Dr. Malcolm Jackson Lovejoy
Past Articles From Malcolm:
http://www.franktalks.com/blog/5-tips-for-women-for-dating-a-male-porn-star
Malcolm Lovejoy (musician/journalist/activist/porn star/sex educator/human being) is the porn star of the future. A renaissance man like no other in adult entertainment, he is a romantic enthusiast on levels that would make Casanova proud. His feminist-focused approach to all things pornographic pushes his work into a category unlike most men in porn, as Malcolm's passion for providing multi-orgasmic satisfaction for his partners before spending time trying to give a money shot, his unparalleled oral skills, tender touch and ultra-athletic action-packed sex style makes Malcolm's porn a beautiful vision to behold for everyone lucky enough to see it! And in his first 2 years of filming, he has explored a wide variety of adult content, from heterosexual pleasure, to bondage & submissive play, female ejaculation scenes, solo masturbation, transgender scenes, sci-fi sex, pornographic music videos, and so much more. With over 50 scenes filmed thus far, and more on the way, his plans for 2017 and beyond are nothing but bring more of Malcolm Lovejoy's boundless beauty and sacred sexuality to the world for all people to be endlessly educated and entertained by...
If you want to know more, just ask me!
Email: [email protected]
Twitter: mindbendermind
Facebook: Dr. Malcolm Jackson Lovejoy
Past Articles From Malcolm:
http://www.franktalks.com/blog/5-tips-for-women-for-dating-a-male-porn-star
Learning To Make The Choices You Can Live With
Your Choices Today Become The Past
You Have To Share Tomorrow
By Frank Kermit
Young adults tend to discount how the choices they make today will impact their futures tomorrow. At least, when it comes to relationships.
The best example of this is the young adults who are swayed to enter into the world of the sex trade.
These 18-23 year olds are convinced that what they do today just to make enough money to get by will not be something that affects their futures.
Sometimes it is people within the industries that try to convince potential porn stars and exotic dancers how no one will ever recognize their faces in the future.
Sometimes it is the young adults themselves who rationalize that since they do not have any aspirations to form a public career that the chances of this being used against them are nil.
However, that is simply not the case.
Stories of former porn stars losing their jobs as high school teachers are real.
When their past catches up with them in the hands of underage students who have passed around sex videos of the teacher through their phones, there is very little a teacher can do.
Even when the former porn stars in question are ready to handle the ordeal of having every one of those students knowing such intimate images of the teacher, it may not matter.
The school administration and sometimes the parents of the students as well, may demand that the teacher be fired anyway.
Stories of former exotic dancers or escort service providers, running into past clients at boardroom meetings are real.
Does it matter that a university student put themselves through school with sex trade work and independently earned that entry-level executive position?
To some it may not matter at all.
To others, it could matter a great deal,
and enough so that it could be an obstacle on a personal career path.
The best advice anyone can give to a young adult is to remind him or her that even if they have no interest in a career that could be affect by their choices today, or even if they do not plan to be parents, over the course of a lifetime, things can change very dramatically.
No one can predict exactly how things are going to change and turn out.
As a young adult, you may not really care about the consequences of your actions…but the older adult you become may feel differently about it.
With all that said, I want to be fair
...and state that there actually are a number of sex trade workers that are more than happy doing what they are doing, do so proudly and are willing to admit it and accept the fact that this part of their lives will follow them forever.
Those who have the best grasp of this are those that fully accept the consequences of their past (and possible present) career choices.
That means that they acknowledge the good elements (the hours, the pay) and are forthright about the bad elements (bad clients, discrimination, possible unsafe working conditions).
An insider on the porno industry once told me that many of the flight-by-night starlets that disappear after a handful of appearances end up living very normal quiet lives as married soccer moms.
They also live with the fear that someone who knows them may find their obscure videos, recognize them, and threaten their new life with it.
If you have a past that might threaten your future, the best things you can do about it is be honest with your future long-term partner and check out if they also can accept it, and handle the potential consequences.
If you are getting into a serious relationship with someone, to the point where you are thinking about getting married, then you must consider putting your fiancé through the ultimate test before he or she becomes your spouse.
Think of your deepest, darkest, most horrible thing that you did in your past that you make it a point not to tell anyone.
If you think that sharing that experience would cause your fiancé not to marry you then you have a choice.
Take the chance and tell them anyway knowing you might lose your relationship, or do not get married and end the relationship altogether.
The truth about all our pasts has a funny way of surfacing, and at the worst possible times.
At some point it is very likely that your future spouse is going to be made aware of elements from your past.
The best thing you can do is prepare your spouse-to-be with whatever it is that someone might try to use against you and your family.
It is better your future spouse hears it from you before it becomes an issue that could threaten your future children.
Whether it is bullies in the schoolyard that taunt your kids with proof of your past, or extortionists who would seek to blackmail you by threatening to reveal your scary secret,
being honest with your soon-to-be spouse is the best way to build a foundation for a relationship that will withstand any outside force that attempts to destroy you.
Frank Kermit
*****************
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Have something to Add?
Write your thoughts in the comments below and share this article to see how many of your friends think like you.
Coaching To Learn To Make The Choices You Can Live With
The Stigma and Struggles of Humiliation Kink
Humiliation Kink
by AnnaBel Joseph
Humiliation is one of those hot button kinks that no one seems to feel equivocal about. Most kinky romance readers either love it or hate it. I know I used humiliation pretty liberally in some of my books. (see the titles of Comfort Object, Mercy, and Club Mephisto)
In writing this post, I wanted to get the input of someone who really loved the kink of humiliation in order to give everyone the most positive view of the loving, smexy side of this fetish. I asked my friend "Baby Firefly" for an interview since I think she's a real expert on the emotional side of this topic. I hope you enjoy her wonderful responses!
| Annabel: Thanks a lot for agreeing to talk to us today about humiliation. I find this is a widely misunderstood fetish, so first things first. Could you give us your explanation of what humiliation kink is? Baby Firefly: You’re welcome, Annabel. I think you’re right about it being a misunderstood fetish. Hopefully I can shed some light on it. Note: for the sake of ease, and so I don’t tear out my hair, I’m just going to use dom and sub in this interview. No offense is intended by this. |  It's Time To Get Things Started |
Erotic humiliation is where one derives sexual arousal, pleasure, or what have you, from being demeaned or degraded by another person. As I see it, this particular fetish is largely psychological in nature, and because of the potential for emotional harm, I would definitely classify it as edge play.
This fetish widely varies from person to person. For instance, being called names like slut or whore can be humiliating and even damaging to one person, but another may take no issue with it. The key is for the dom to have good insight to the sub’s psyche. I think humiliation works best between players who know each other very well.
 What Is Your Kink? | Annabel: Were you always turned on by humiliation, or was it something that a partner got you into? Baby Firefly: I wasn’t always turned on by it. I was one of those people who didn’t understand it. My owner is a sadist, and like most, he gets off on inflicting emotional as well as physical pain. We hadn’t planned on exploring it. It just sort of happened. We did a scene involving pet play and discovered that we both really got off on the humiliating aspects of it. After that, we began exploring it more in depth. |
Annabel: Oh man, that's pretty hot. Have you ever had communication problems with your partner regarding humiliation? For instance, expressing what was okay and what was not okay, or how far to take things?
Baby Firefly: We’ve been together for nine years now and know each other really well. For us, communication has been crucial in making it work. Before we moved forward with the edgier side of humiliation, we had a long discussion about where the boundaries were for me and for him. After a really intense and degrading scene, we talk about it. The sexual component is only half of it. Processing the emotions it brings up is part of the aftercare. Sometimes I need that, and other times I don’t. The bonus is that not only does it bring us closer, but talking about it always makes for hot conversation.
Baby Firefly: We’ve been together for nine years now and know each other really well. For us, communication has been crucial in making it work. Before we moved forward with the edgier side of humiliation, we had a long discussion about where the boundaries were for me and for him. After a really intense and degrading scene, we talk about it. The sexual component is only half of it. Processing the emotions it brings up is part of the aftercare. Sometimes I need that, and other times I don’t. The bonus is that not only does it bring us closer, but talking about it always makes for hot conversation.
| Annabel: Why do you think so many romance readers dislike humiliation, even consensual/desired humiliation scenes between people in love? Is it due to misunderstanding of the kink? Do you think there is a stigma against it? Do you ever feel stigmatized for enjoying it? Baby Firefly: As women we’re bombarded with feminism, equality, empowerment. Humiliation opposes the societal norms we’re raised with. It’s been drilled into our heads that that type of treatment is wrong, abusive even. Romantic fiction is largely based on fantasy. And while readers can stretch their boundaries by enjoying things like dominance and submission, it’s difficult for them to take that a step further with humiliation. It makes them uncomfortable and it’s hard for them to sexualize it even when it’s the heroine who desires it. |  What is Your Fantasy Outfit? |
I do think there is a stigma attached to it, but then there is with most BDSM practices outside of those who live it. I used to be very closed lipped about it even among my friends in the community. It turns out that the hang-up was mine. Funny how that works. I’ve come to embrace it. The wonderful thing about kinky people is how open and accepting they are about sexuality. Now, it’s not something I’d go telling the girls in my book club. I don’t think I’d be invited back after that.
 What kind of toys are you interested in? | Annabel: This is very personal, but can you share a humiliation scene you participated in that really moved you? Or a humiliation scene in a romance book that you thought was really written well? Baby Firefly: Well, since posting a very personal scene for all to see would be its own form of humiliation, how can I say no? I’ll leave you with one of my journal entries. Thanks for having me here at Kinky Ever After, Annabel. |
A Slut Goes to the Store
Sounds like the first line of a joke right? So not a joke. This weekend I was treated to taste of mild public humiliation. My owner wrote SLUT on my calf in huge letters in black marker. Not so bad right? That's what I thought until he sent me to the corner store at 5:30 PM on a Friday.
The mindgame of it all was that it was written in washable marker. I could have very easily wiped it off before I went in to make my purchase. But at what cost? I don't particularly like being caned, so as much as I hated it, as humiliated as I was, the word had to stay.
| I contemplated how I would play this out on the drive up. Would I try to stand with one leg in front of the other, attempting to hide it and in effect sharing my humiliation and embarrassment with the other patrons? Or would I stand there bold as brass and smirk at anyone who dared to look or whisper? |  The Collection |
I ended up pretending that it wasn't there. Yes, I reverted back to my typical coping mechanism. I slipped it on like a skin, remembering how it felt all those years ago in high school.
Cold. Frozen. Above.
I still heard a few whispers. I felt the stares of the guys who stood behind me buying their twelve pack of Busch Lite on their way home from work. I heard them, but would I ever let that show? Not me.
I smiled at myself on the drive home, proud that I'd endured this little humiliation. But the ice crumbled when I saw my owner. He knows how I work. He can see through the layers of ice. The humiliation came crashing down on me full force as he asked me to tell him every little detail.
 Imagine The Possibilities... | As I sat in the chair with SLUT glaring at me from my leg, I was so wet that I could barely stand it. Of course like the sadist he is, he let me marinate in that humiliation for a few hours before he gave me the release I so desperately wanted. I loved every minute of this little task. My face is burning and my clit is throbbing as I sit here and type this. Yes, oh yes. I am a slut. |
Many many thanks to Baby Firefly for agreeing to shed light on this often misunderstood form of kinky play, and for sharing such a thoughtful, heartfelt journal entry.
So, how do you all (the Franktalks.com/Blog readers) feel about humiliation in your BDSM romance? Like, dislike, depends on the situation? Have you ever read a scene in a book that was humiliating and yet hot?
-Annabel Joseph
http://annabeljoseph.com/
The Following are two interviews that Frank Kermit and Annabel Joseph participated in
| | |
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Athlete and Vixen: Making of a Pole Dancer - Part II
Athlete and Vixen: Making of a Pole Dancer - Part II
by Melanie Lynch
I last posted about Pole dancing being a sport and that not all Pole dancers are strippers but I asked the question ‘what is so wrong with stripping anyway?’
When I started Pole dancing I found that I would get so frustrated with everyone implying I was a stripper. As years went by I started participating in more shows and met so many great women.
They were all out there trying to be brave, showing up in small costumes and hoping they would put on a performance. Some of these fantastic women were almost naked and some were actually stripping. I marvelled at them and loved them for the courage on stage but quickly learned that although they were strong on stage backstage they were nervous balls of energy getting their courage up and trying to remember their routines.
I discovered that there really was
nothing different between them and me.
So once again, let’s start at the beginning. When I started my Pole journey, I went to my first class and I was wearing full-length leggings and a tank top. To me this was revealing.
As we progressed I needed to climb and so the leggings changed to shorts. I learned to hold the Pole between my legs (yes, I am aware of how that sounded) and the shorts got a lot smaller.
Then the ultimate thing happened, I started to flip upside down and needed to position the Pole across my abdomen.
So my tank tops needed to turn into a crop top or sports bra. Let me tell you, after you have had three children, your first instinct is not to show off the stomach area.
As I stood there, I had to fight the urge to cover my stomach with my hands. But Pole is so much more than exercise.
It’s a community.
A loving, welcoming community that encourages women to not apologize for the way they look.
These ladies push you to grow, express yourself and be bold!
At the same time as I started attending Pole shows,
I also started going to Burlesque shows.
The first time I went to one, I was completely blown away. I had never seen anything like it.
These women came out with the most amazing, decadent, creative costumes and performed with such sublime beauty that it took my breath away.
They were stripping but the show was more than just removing their clothes, it was a celebration of beauty, whether it was the movement, the costumes or the woman themselves, it was simply beautiful.
I had the privilege to watch one performer named Coco Framboise who came on stage wearing the massive fur boa which she slowly undressed behind.
It was a cheeky tease because you would only see glimpses of her caramel skin behind the white softness of the fluffy boa. She was mesmerizing and the crowd absolutely loved her. There’s nothing like the crowds at these shows. The first thing you notice about these crowds is that they consist largely of women and these women scream, shout and catcall the performers in encouragement.
They show their appreciation for what is happening on stage. I was drawn to try this too and so signed up for the Coco Framboise School of Burlesque.
I wanted to learn how to exude
that kind of confidence and beauty.
 http://www.marissaelizabethimages.com | Burlesque and Pole have so much in common. They celebrate the beauty, power and courage of women and all are welcome. It doesn’t matter if you 18 or 80, it doesn’t matter what size you are and it doesn’t matter if you’re a gymnast or dancer or have two left feet. All that matters is that you’re out there expressing yourself, enjoying life and no matter what happens; the community will always be there to cheer and scream. Of course, some of those who are not exposed to the beauty of these worlds look upon from the outside in judgment. |
I once read one of those Facebook postcards that said something like “some women feel empowered by covering themselves while others by taking their clothes off, who are we to judge” and it spoke to me.
There’s a lot of criticism about women taking their clothes off or objectifying themselves and I won’t go into all their arguments here.
You can’t take two steps without running into their voices and you can go read about it yourselves.
There’s something to me that just doesn’t fit about this mindset.
- Firstly, not everything is about men. Sometimes we do things for ourselves. Imagine, going out there and feeling beautiful and powerful in an alternate existence than your everyday life. We spend huge amounts of time and energy as good mothers, wives, daughters and business people every day sometimes it is nice to step out of that world and in to one where we can feel free and be bold.
- Secondly, there are barely any men in the audience we usually just perform for each other.
- Thirdly, there are usually men behind the scenes telling us not to do that. Trying to own our bodies and telling us what to do. This is us telling them ‘forget you’.
- Lastly, most of the time women don’t feel powerful or beautiful in our everyday lives and we are often reminded that we are not the girls portrayed in the magazines. WE need to find that feeling for ourselves and Pole helps some of us to get to that mindset but still there are some people that keep telling us we are wrong. I want to say that we are not wrong!
WE are strong and determined.
We do not want to be told anything about ourselves anymore.
We own our lives, our bodies and the way we choose express ourselves.
You are not qualified to judge me or others who enjoy this activity.
This is our choice.
Why is it wrong to be us? We are not hurting you or ourselves.
In fact we are having fun and life should be fun.
Maybe no one will understand what we are trying to do and that’s ok but all I ask is that the judgment stop, and that you just sit back and enjoy the show since we have worked hard to pull it together!
If you think I am crazy and wrong, well that’s ok too because I have a whole community of women that are there with me cheering me on and supporting me every step of the way and I really didn’t choose to do it for you anyway.
To read Part 1 of this series,
http://www.franktalks.com/blog/-athlete-and-vixen-the-making-of-a-pole-dancer
| Author Melanie Lynch started pole dancing seven years ago for fun and exercise. Eventually, she became a Certified Pole Instructor with the Canadian Pole Fitness Association (CPFA) and began teaching all levels of students. After a few years of dancing, she started performing for audiences. In 2016 Melanie decided to enter competitions. She made it into the Ontario Pole Fitness Champion, in the Masters Category and finished 1st runner –up. She trains at Pole Fit Nation. Canadian Pole Fitness Association Pole Fit Nation |  |
Can You Convert Your Spouse To BDSM?
How To Convince My Spouse To Become BDSM
By Master Pierre
One question that is asked more and more is:
"How do I convince my spouse to get into BDSM ?"
The first few times we received that question, it was from submissive men wanting to convince their wives to become their Domme.
But lately, we had that question from women wanting their husbands to become BDSM player as Dom or submissive.
The answer we give all of them is the same.
The need for BDSM is personal and cannot be "taught".
People within the BDSM lifestyle usually had to evolve toward what they are in BDSM and to learn about their own needs.
Trying to "make" someone who has no BDSM interest whatsoever into a Dom, Top, Bottom, submissive (what have you) is nearly impossible.
| However! Many men and women have sexual fantasies. It is possible to use these fantasies as an exchange. If your fantasy is to submit, maybe your partner's fantasy is different but you may help him or her to fulfill that fantasy, your spouse might help you experience your fantasy! The discussion with your spouse is very important! |  What is your fantasy outfit? |
 Could You Share? | If your spouse has no sexual fantasies at all, maybe the solution would be to negotiate with them for you, to satisfy that need you may have with somebody else. |
Often, during BDSM events, we meet people, men and women, that have a vanilla spouse that cannot satisfy their BDSM needs, but are their life partner with whom they are very much in love.
These people go "outside" their relationship to find a partner for their "other" needs and they do this with the acceptance of their spouse.
How do they do it?
They negotiate the limits of what they can do with their spouse.
| Within these limits, anything can be included; when to do it (you may go to your BDSM partner when the kids are at their grand parents once a month) or it could be sexual limits (anything goes, but no intercourse). Limits are different from couple to couple and the discussion (negotiation) is very important. |  So you can get started |
BDSM is based on a consensual relationship.
To force someone to become involved in BDSM is NOT consensual and will create huge tensions within the couple.
It is widely known that during a public party, if you approach somebody new to play with, if that person says no, no means no and you must not insist. The same goes for your spouse, if they say no, no means no.
 Don't Lie To Your Spouse. Talk To Your Spouse. | There is always the possibility of having a hidden BDSM relationship with someone and keep it secret from your spouse, but that is something between you and your conscience. But here is some food for thought: You all know that BDSM is based on trust. How will you convince a potential BDSM partner that you can be trusted....if you are already lying to your spouse? |
AUTHOR BIO:
The BDSM Circle is led by Pierre and Catharine. They live as a couple with values that include Domination and Submission as way of life for them. Pierre is a Dominant while Catharine also a Dominant is aka "Katy" who is Pierre`s Submissive; and together they oversea a small group of Submissives. They also have a bilingual website called BDSMCircle.com. Catharine and Pierre are featured as part of the 2004 season of the award winning television series KINK. Today they are featured on CJAD 800 AM radio on the Dr Laurie Betito show monthly feature 50 shades of passion. Learn more about them at their website http://www.bdsmcircle.net/
Below is a youtube video
of an interview Frank Kermit did many years ago with The BDSM Circle
of an interview Frank Kermit did many years ago with The BDSM Circle
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Burlesque is a poetic and sensual means of entertainment that typically includes striptease and comedy, generally performed in cabarets, theaters and clubs. As with music, each performance has a style, an emotion and a story of its own!
https://tinyurl.com/kcbdhgm READ THE HISTORY OF BURLESQUE BELOW
Burlesque, the title was originally founded in Europe in the early 1600’s: as a form of satire that was expressed in manuscripts. It was later picked up in theatrical works all through the 17th century until the Victorian era and then became widely popular in the 1860s to the 1940s, notably in Hollywood film between the 1930s and 1960s.
Burlesque entertainment can be interpreted as ridicule, extravagant, sexy and daunting.
Burlesque entertainment can be interpreted as ridicule, extravagant, sexy and daunting.
Today, the burlesque we know is a celebration of femininity and sensuality that features all types of body types.
Image of Dirty Martini /photographer: https://www.roxidlite.com/ Model: Roxi D'Lite
https://www.facebook.com/GorskyPhoto/ READ THE HISTORY OF BURLESQUE BELOW
THE WORD BURLESQUE IN HISTORY
Late Latin: burra "trifle, nonsense," literally "flock of wool."
French: burlesque 1660s, "derisive imitation, grotesque parody,"
Italian: burlesco, from burla "joke, fun, mockery,"
THE MODERN USE OF THE WORD BURLESQUE
Originally (1857) "the sketches at the end of minstrel shows."
American English (1870) "variety show featuring striptease"
Online Etymology Dictionary, © 2010 Douglas Harper
Late Latin: burra "trifle, nonsense," literally "flock of wool."
French: burlesque 1660s, "derisive imitation, grotesque parody,"
Italian: burlesco, from burla "joke, fun, mockery,"
THE MODERN USE OF THE WORD BURLESQUE
Originally (1857) "the sketches at the end of minstrel shows."
American English (1870) "variety show featuring striptease"
Online Etymology Dictionary, © 2010 Douglas Harper
Every year, for the past twelve years, we have reinvented ourselves to offer the absolute best in burlesque because deep down inside, we believe that nothing is sexier than feeling at ease with ourselves, surrounded by like-minded people who are comfortable with their sensuality.
And while our stunning performers set the perfect example for that: self-acceptance, freedom and wild abandon, you are all invited to join our movement.
Don’t just watch Burlesque. BE Burlesque!
And while our stunning performers set the perfect example for that: self-acceptance, freedom and wild abandon, you are all invited to join our movement.
Don’t just watch Burlesque. BE Burlesque!
Author
Frank Mondeose is the owner of Monde Osé is which is a lifestyle brand focused on promoting the understanding and enjoyment of life, love and sensuality.
Their mission is to offer distinguished sexy entertainment and seduce our audience while maintaining a classy high end product.
This is a guest post.
Athlete and Vixen – The Making of a Pole Dancer
Photo copyright Brian Thompson image of Melanie Lynch
Part I
I am 43 years old, married to a great man, have a really good job at a medical company and I have three beautiful daughters aged 8, 11 and 15. I grew up in the suburbs, was a good girl and went to a top school and graduated with a great education. So why would I be a pole dancer? I mean isn’t that like a stripper? The answer is simple but still complex; yes it is and no it’s not.
Let me start at the beginning. I decided to go to a class because I really like dancing and I was a stay at home mom who felt like the walls were closing in on me. I couldn’t really find a dance class that seemed right for me and I signed up for a six week session thinking it was a very limited commitment. I was very nervous and told no one what I was doing. It was a small class and we worked on building strength in our arms, so let me tell you we women do not work on this! Holding myself up for 5 seconds was an impossible task and I could never imagine doing a whole song. After that we would work on a trick or a move and I loved it. It was gymnastics for adults with dance moves to tie it all together. It was so much fun. We women would go, laugh at ourselves because the attempts to get these moves can be pretty hilarious and we would get some exercise. Let me say a word about the exercise part. I never, ever felt like I was working out. I was going to class just to have fun but suddenly my body transformed. I built beautiful shoulders, muscled back and arms and eventually even started getting some pretty decent abs. That’s how it started, my little class where I laughed and got fit and danced. I loved it, but it’s pole dancing….
Telling people you are a pole dancer is very interesting. There’s a very definite reaction. It’s not like telling someone you teach yoga. They try to be cool and supportive and you get a lot of people saying ‘cool … umm that looks hard’. This is usually where I respond ‘it is!’ and start telling people how hard it is and the core strength one needs and how hard we all train. I want to say for the record pole fitness/dancing is as much a sport and fitness endeavor as anything out there. We all cross train and work extremely hard to master the moves and tricks. At the end of the day, this is gymnastics. We suffer broken bones, concussions and bruises, Oh the bruises! The horrified looks you get when people see the bruises when you’re training for a competition are amazing. The next time you see a woman wearing long sleeves and pants in the middle of summer she may just be a pole dancer. Pole dancers work on muscle building, coordination, flexibility and balance. A lot goes into these routines. There’s performance, musicality, costume and creative concept as well as defying gravity with strength and skill. We also have to make it look easy. No judge wants to see you gasping for breath at the end of your routine. So why would you not think this is a sport? The Canadian Pole Fitness Association (CPFA) holds regular competitions that have required elements for every level. There are strict guidelines about costume and what can and can’t be done. The women and men that compete are athletes plain and simple. Several pole organizations are making great strides in getting the IOC to recognize pole as an Olympic sport.
There’s always one thing that hangs over our heads though…it’s a pole. Strippers use them. The routines can be sexy and typically there are barely any clothes worn. Let me set the record straight pole requires skin contact on the pole to hold yourself, otherwise you slip. If you plan to take your hands off the pole then the clothes will become smaller. There’s no difference than wearing a bathing suit or a gymnastic leotard. Sexy is a much harder thing to address. In the beginning I would always say that dancing and expressing yourself in that way leads to body movement than can beautiful and sexy. Almost all dances have that element built into it, and pole dance is no different. Does a person dancing the tango or the rumba carry the stigma of a pole dancer? I still believe this wholeheartedly but I hate that when I say that I sound like I am trying to distance myself from women who dance in an erotic manner and even those who take off their clothes. You can certainly be a pole dancer and really not at all relate to that world, but for all of us who so strip or are simply dipping our toe in it, then ‘HELL yes! Go for it girl!’ There’s nothing wrong with that but just because you pole dance it does not automatically mean you’re a stripper. But for me the question is ‘what so wrong with stripping anyway?’
I am 43 years old, married to a great man, have a really good job at a medical company and I have three beautiful daughters aged 8, 11 and 15. I grew up in the suburbs, was a good girl and went to a top school and graduated with a great education. So why would I be a pole dancer? I mean isn’t that like a stripper? The answer is simple but still complex; yes it is and no it’s not.
Let me start at the beginning. I decided to go to a class because I really like dancing and I was a stay at home mom who felt like the walls were closing in on me. I couldn’t really find a dance class that seemed right for me and I signed up for a six week session thinking it was a very limited commitment. I was very nervous and told no one what I was doing. It was a small class and we worked on building strength in our arms, so let me tell you we women do not work on this! Holding myself up for 5 seconds was an impossible task and I could never imagine doing a whole song. After that we would work on a trick or a move and I loved it. It was gymnastics for adults with dance moves to tie it all together. It was so much fun. We women would go, laugh at ourselves because the attempts to get these moves can be pretty hilarious and we would get some exercise. Let me say a word about the exercise part. I never, ever felt like I was working out. I was going to class just to have fun but suddenly my body transformed. I built beautiful shoulders, muscled back and arms and eventually even started getting some pretty decent abs. That’s how it started, my little class where I laughed and got fit and danced. I loved it, but it’s pole dancing….
Telling people you are a pole dancer is very interesting. There’s a very definite reaction. It’s not like telling someone you teach yoga. They try to be cool and supportive and you get a lot of people saying ‘cool … umm that looks hard’. This is usually where I respond ‘it is!’ and start telling people how hard it is and the core strength one needs and how hard we all train. I want to say for the record pole fitness/dancing is as much a sport and fitness endeavor as anything out there. We all cross train and work extremely hard to master the moves and tricks. At the end of the day, this is gymnastics. We suffer broken bones, concussions and bruises, Oh the bruises! The horrified looks you get when people see the bruises when you’re training for a competition are amazing. The next time you see a woman wearing long sleeves and pants in the middle of summer she may just be a pole dancer. Pole dancers work on muscle building, coordination, flexibility and balance. A lot goes into these routines. There’s performance, musicality, costume and creative concept as well as defying gravity with strength and skill. We also have to make it look easy. No judge wants to see you gasping for breath at the end of your routine. So why would you not think this is a sport? The Canadian Pole Fitness Association (CPFA) holds regular competitions that have required elements for every level. There are strict guidelines about costume and what can and can’t be done. The women and men that compete are athletes plain and simple. Several pole organizations are making great strides in getting the IOC to recognize pole as an Olympic sport.
There’s always one thing that hangs over our heads though…it’s a pole. Strippers use them. The routines can be sexy and typically there are barely any clothes worn. Let me set the record straight pole requires skin contact on the pole to hold yourself, otherwise you slip. If you plan to take your hands off the pole then the clothes will become smaller. There’s no difference than wearing a bathing suit or a gymnastic leotard. Sexy is a much harder thing to address. In the beginning I would always say that dancing and expressing yourself in that way leads to body movement than can beautiful and sexy. Almost all dances have that element built into it, and pole dance is no different. Does a person dancing the tango or the rumba carry the stigma of a pole dancer? I still believe this wholeheartedly but I hate that when I say that I sound like I am trying to distance myself from women who dance in an erotic manner and even those who take off their clothes. You can certainly be a pole dancer and really not at all relate to that world, but for all of us who so strip or are simply dipping our toe in it, then ‘HELL yes! Go for it girl!’ There’s nothing wrong with that but just because you pole dance it does not automatically mean you’re a stripper. But for me the question is ‘what so wrong with stripping anyway?’
 http://www.marissaelizabethimages.com image of Melanie Lynch | AuthorMelanie Lynch started pole dancing seven years ago for fun and exercise. Eventually, she became a Certified Pole Instructor with the Canadian Pole Fitness Association (CPFA) and began teaching all levels of students. After a few years of dancing, she started performing for audiences. In 2016 Melanie decided to enter competitions. She made it into the Ontario Pole Fitness Champion, in the Masters Category and finished 1st runner –up. She trains at Pole Fit Nation. |
Over 30 Years of BDSM Kink Experience
Over 30 Years of BDSM Kink Experience
by Sadistfaction
I remember taking psychology in CEGEP in1979, and at that time the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders was on its 2nd revision (DSM-II.) I was quite alarmed to read that I apparently had many sexual disorders; some of the types of sexual deviations listed in the DSM-II were: sexual orientation disturbance (homosexuality), fetishism, transvestitism (sic), exhibitionism, voyeurism, sadism, masochism, and "other sexual deviations". Certainly not something you want to read at 18 back then.
Today Kink is no longer a four-letter word (well it is, but you get what I mean). Over the last 30+ years I have been educating those individuals who are interested in BDSM, spoken to the media, and set up a website. On it I currently offer non-sexual spankings for sexual arousal or for those who seek discipline or want a good healthy adrenaline rush that uses your bodies endorphin. (A much better alternative to drugs to relieve stress in my opinion).
For my first article, I thought I would give some information I am commonly asked about.:
Basics of BDSM terminology: Top and Bottom
There are lots of discussions between the different terms. Someone who is a Top does not necessarily mean they are dominant or alpha in every day life. A Bottom is the one receiving the pleasure and the Top giving. Like a massage of sorts.
What makes a good Bottom?
Be on time. Making someone sit and wait for you really shows a lack of respect. You can easily text as soon as you are aware your not going to be on time. Make sure you are squeaky clean in front and in back. Nothing more offensive than foul smells. Offer to help clean up after, thank them for putting in the effort and ensuring your safety. It takes a lot of time to prepare and to setup a scene. Be honest about your prior experiences and fantasies. You should meet the person before hand and give them your personal information so they can setup a safe call. Ask for references (I always offer to provide references).
What makes a good Top?
If you are a Top, you are the one setting up the scene and its only going to be as good as the effort you put into it. As a Top, I usually go over the basic scene in my head and meditate for 30 minutes prior. You should be well informed about your kink. Don't make someone your guinea pig unless it’s discussed first. You do not want to injure someone by trying something you have no experience in just for the sake of playing. If you’re a novice top be honest about your experience. CPR training is certainly a bonus. Our community centre offers a course once a year. Have a general first aid kit on hand and always keep your toys clean.
Review of 50 Shades of Gray
Most people in the lifestyle will tell you that 50 shades is a poorly written book about an abuser who has little or no concern about his partners pleasure or well being. In our lifestyle there is a huge paradox in BDSM which most people don't understand as it is the submissive that has all the
control. Like yin and yan both are equally as important. Because the submissive can use a safe word that means “no” or stop. Thus giving them control over the scene. Also the submissive is the one getting all the attention. Fifty shades may have made the lifestyle more acceptable and mainstream to the public but it promotes domestic violence, and has nothing to do with BDSM
What to expect at your first play party
Of course it’s normal to be nervous, especially if you are going alone. However, you will find people to be extremely friendly and there is never any pressure to play. The respect and energy between play partners will surprise you. Most of us are exhibitionists so there is nothing like a voyeur watching our play or just sitting in a non-play area listening to conversations. There are private rooms for those that don't want to be watched and or wish to have sex (oral is most common, intercourse is rare) and the door will be closed. If it is open it is OK to come in and watch. There is also a No-Play Room for those socially awkward or if some one wants to have some quiet time or to talk in private.
How to get invited to a play party
Most of the play parties are held in someone’s home. When someone comes to my private play party they must be vetted first. Usually vetting is done at a previous get together. Also someone who is already vetted can refer someone. An example of a previous get together is a “munch”. A munch is a gathering at a local restaurant. Anyone can attend of course. Sometimes there are play parties at clubs downtown and everyone is welcome.
Do and Don’t List for first time playing
When playing with someone for the first time, never use a gag so you can always communicate, I always remain clothed and focus all of my attention on doing a perfect “introductory” scene, if they are into bondage I tie them up and then release them before tying them up again. This establishes trust. Aftercare is always important after every scene so never leave it out. (Learn more about Aftercare in a future article). And of course it’s amazing to hug or cuddle someone afterwards while discussing the scene that just happened.
Dungeon Rules and Etiquette
No drugs. No video or photography without asking the persons consent first. Ask if it is ok to watch or participate. Don't assume because someone is tied up that you can walk over and touch the person. Don't talk about the weather while people are playing. Put a towel under your play. Cover toys with condoms and wash them before and after. Ask whomever runs the Dungeon if a particular fetish of yours is permitted before you attempt it. If you bring food, label the ingredients as many people have allergies.
Meeting New Play Partners
When I meet potential play partners it is my pleasure to meet for a non-pressure coffee to discuss your interests. I recommend most people do the same. Don't pressure someone after the meet to come to your place to play. They will be much too nervous to enjoy. Once the person is at home and in a comfort zone, they can think about what you discussed and then decide if getting more intimate is for them. Always do a scene negotiation before you play.
SadistFaction started his website in 2001. He owns a dungeon space (with several play stations and lots of toys) that he rents to couples or for private play parties. He is open to meeting people who are interested in learning about the lifestyle. He has spoken about BDSM and kink in the media. He was a consultant for the Television program KINK season 2 filmed in Montreal, has been on the Dr. Laurie show Passion, interviewed by the by the Journal de Montreal (the above photo is from that), http://vice.com, and volunteers at the Everything To Do About Sex Show dungeon booth. Currently he does Spanking and Wax Play Workshops for the local community and is the Dungeon Master at many events. He can be found on Fetlife (user name: SadistFaction) or his website ATTITUDES.CA
by Sadistfaction
I remember taking psychology in CEGEP in1979, and at that time the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders was on its 2nd revision (DSM-II.) I was quite alarmed to read that I apparently had many sexual disorders; some of the types of sexual deviations listed in the DSM-II were: sexual orientation disturbance (homosexuality), fetishism, transvestitism (sic), exhibitionism, voyeurism, sadism, masochism, and "other sexual deviations". Certainly not something you want to read at 18 back then.
Today Kink is no longer a four-letter word (well it is, but you get what I mean). Over the last 30+ years I have been educating those individuals who are interested in BDSM, spoken to the media, and set up a website. On it I currently offer non-sexual spankings for sexual arousal or for those who seek discipline or want a good healthy adrenaline rush that uses your bodies endorphin. (A much better alternative to drugs to relieve stress in my opinion).
For my first article, I thought I would give some information I am commonly asked about.:
Basics of BDSM terminology: Top and Bottom
There are lots of discussions between the different terms. Someone who is a Top does not necessarily mean they are dominant or alpha in every day life. A Bottom is the one receiving the pleasure and the Top giving. Like a massage of sorts.
What makes a good Bottom?
Be on time. Making someone sit and wait for you really shows a lack of respect. You can easily text as soon as you are aware your not going to be on time. Make sure you are squeaky clean in front and in back. Nothing more offensive than foul smells. Offer to help clean up after, thank them for putting in the effort and ensuring your safety. It takes a lot of time to prepare and to setup a scene. Be honest about your prior experiences and fantasies. You should meet the person before hand and give them your personal information so they can setup a safe call. Ask for references (I always offer to provide references).
What makes a good Top?
If you are a Top, you are the one setting up the scene and its only going to be as good as the effort you put into it. As a Top, I usually go over the basic scene in my head and meditate for 30 minutes prior. You should be well informed about your kink. Don't make someone your guinea pig unless it’s discussed first. You do not want to injure someone by trying something you have no experience in just for the sake of playing. If you’re a novice top be honest about your experience. CPR training is certainly a bonus. Our community centre offers a course once a year. Have a general first aid kit on hand and always keep your toys clean.
Review of 50 Shades of Gray
Most people in the lifestyle will tell you that 50 shades is a poorly written book about an abuser who has little or no concern about his partners pleasure or well being. In our lifestyle there is a huge paradox in BDSM which most people don't understand as it is the submissive that has all the
control. Like yin and yan both are equally as important. Because the submissive can use a safe word that means “no” or stop. Thus giving them control over the scene. Also the submissive is the one getting all the attention. Fifty shades may have made the lifestyle more acceptable and mainstream to the public but it promotes domestic violence, and has nothing to do with BDSM
What to expect at your first play party
Of course it’s normal to be nervous, especially if you are going alone. However, you will find people to be extremely friendly and there is never any pressure to play. The respect and energy between play partners will surprise you. Most of us are exhibitionists so there is nothing like a voyeur watching our play or just sitting in a non-play area listening to conversations. There are private rooms for those that don't want to be watched and or wish to have sex (oral is most common, intercourse is rare) and the door will be closed. If it is open it is OK to come in and watch. There is also a No-Play Room for those socially awkward or if some one wants to have some quiet time or to talk in private.
How to get invited to a play party
Most of the play parties are held in someone’s home. When someone comes to my private play party they must be vetted first. Usually vetting is done at a previous get together. Also someone who is already vetted can refer someone. An example of a previous get together is a “munch”. A munch is a gathering at a local restaurant. Anyone can attend of course. Sometimes there are play parties at clubs downtown and everyone is welcome.
Do and Don’t List for first time playing
When playing with someone for the first time, never use a gag so you can always communicate, I always remain clothed and focus all of my attention on doing a perfect “introductory” scene, if they are into bondage I tie them up and then release them before tying them up again. This establishes trust. Aftercare is always important after every scene so never leave it out. (Learn more about Aftercare in a future article). And of course it’s amazing to hug or cuddle someone afterwards while discussing the scene that just happened.
Dungeon Rules and Etiquette
No drugs. No video or photography without asking the persons consent first. Ask if it is ok to watch or participate. Don't assume because someone is tied up that you can walk over and touch the person. Don't talk about the weather while people are playing. Put a towel under your play. Cover toys with condoms and wash them before and after. Ask whomever runs the Dungeon if a particular fetish of yours is permitted before you attempt it. If you bring food, label the ingredients as many people have allergies.
Meeting New Play Partners
When I meet potential play partners it is my pleasure to meet for a non-pressure coffee to discuss your interests. I recommend most people do the same. Don't pressure someone after the meet to come to your place to play. They will be much too nervous to enjoy. Once the person is at home and in a comfort zone, they can think about what you discussed and then decide if getting more intimate is for them. Always do a scene negotiation before you play.
SadistFaction started his website in 2001. He owns a dungeon space (with several play stations and lots of toys) that he rents to couples or for private play parties. He is open to meeting people who are interested in learning about the lifestyle. He has spoken about BDSM and kink in the media. He was a consultant for the Television program KINK season 2 filmed in Montreal, has been on the Dr. Laurie show Passion, interviewed by the by the Journal de Montreal (the above photo is from that), http://vice.com, and volunteers at the Everything To Do About Sex Show dungeon booth. Currently he does Spanking and Wax Play Workshops for the local community and is the Dungeon Master at many events. He can be found on Fetlife (user name: SadistFaction) or his website ATTITUDES.CA
5 Tips for Women for Dating A Male Porn Star
5 TIPS FOR DATING A MALE PORN STAR
by Adhimu Stewart aka Malcolm Lovejoy
Gather 'round, good people!
Ladies, women, girls (over 18!) and all femme-identified individuals in the world that have this dream: I can show & tell you what it's like to have a relationship with a male porn star!
Are you sick of throwing up in your mouth a little bit every time you listen to the opinions and thoughts of the average man trying to pick you up at the bar or in the club? Are you fed up with being catcalled and wolf-whistled when you walk down the street or go to the mall? Are you infuriated by the overwhelming mountain of obnoxious and offensive texts and emails you get every day in your Plenty of Fish/OKCupid/Tinder/Facebook/online profile, and you're just about ready to delete every account and picture you ever put on the internet?
Well, don't do it just yet, please!
Yes, I know: the state of modern men is outright dangerous to erotically engage with at worst, if not rather atrocious, depressing, uninspiring, and downright frustrating at best. Dating is a disaster zone where few people escape with their heart and happiness intact, and courtship rituals in Western civilization have drastically decomposed since the days of cowboys and dainty misses, where a man could not even speak to a woman in public if he had not been formally introduced to her, or she didn't wave him over with one of the many signals she possessed in her arousal arsenal, whether it be fanning her face rapidly, or dropping her handkerchief demurely.
In 2017, the male courtship ritual might consist of sending a dick pic and a "I'm ready, u up?" text message at 2:13 AM to any woman he can! But, (pardon to use a cliche) NOT ALL MEN are guilty of such callous, selfish and dysfunctional relationship-building behaviour!
I, Adhimu Stewart, am a Canadian feminist porn actor, and Professional Love Maker. I have sex with women on camera, and with people for their private fantasies off-camera, too! So, let me tell you what it's like to have a relationship with a porn star (in the making), for those who are curious!
Sexy Revelations:
1) No two porn stars are exactly alike, therefore no two relationships with porn stars will be alike.
Some porn stars specialize in penis size, muscles, domination, team-sex scenes, rough talk & action, or romantic, story-telling driven vignettes. And who he is on camera may only be a percentage of who he is off-camera! I know that there are things I do privately that I have chosen not to do sexually and publicly, for my own reasons. Every man may be the same, to a lower or higher degree. Will he want different sex with you than he has at work? Probably. Will you want to have a personalized experience with a porn star at home? Maybe it can happen! This may be one of the perks to dating a porn star. And this is what is called: a BENEFIT. Such as the benefits of bliss I felt when I recently made love to a ballerina!! So, yes. It will probably be quite different than any other relationship you have ever had. His average day will probably consist of him being naked, if not him having sex with someone, if not more than one person... so there's that.
2) Being with a porn star may take you to your sexual physical limits... and maybe past them!!
Have you ever played hockey with an NHL player? Ever played basketball with an NBA star? Hell, have you ever played tennis with a Wimbledon champion? The experience is guaranteed to be something more intense than just playing a little pick-up game with your neighbors. Your sex, your conversations about sexual boundaries, your understanding of possible relationships, even your every day little interactions are probably going to be much more extreme than usual. I consider myself a sexual athlete, and I like to work up a sweat when I throw down in the bedroom (or bathroom, or living room, or...) Being with a porn star may take you to your sexual physical limits... and maybe past them!! Know yourself, and what you can handle. And if you want to take yourself beyond the limits you've felt with all previous men... then buckle up, and get ready to feel fantasy on a deeper level than you've ever known... Overtime in Game 7 of the Playoffs type magic!
3) It could become high-profile, even when you think you're low-key.
I was walking with a lover to an event we had planned on attending together, and within 5 minutes, I had seen three different people from different places and circles of connection. My partner at the time was like "You are so popular! Is there ever a day when it's not like this for you? Can you go anywhere and be alone?" To which I replied "Not really!" So, being with someone that does porn MIGHT reduce your public incognito possibilities, if you are walking around with them. If they are very famous, you may get your own fame just by social media association. As we neared this event, I actually was tangled between three different lovers/former lovers/possible lovers all at once in the same subway station! I introduced them all to each other, and then laughed. #pornlife
4) Do you care what people think?
It's one thing to have your privacy threshold reduced... but it's another thing to be exposed to more popularity for dating a porn star, and NOT be comfortable with it! There are levels to this biz. Do you care if your parents know? Do you care what your boss thinks? Do you mind if your drinking and smoking buddies are privy to this info? Does it matter to your extended family if you are dating someone "like that"? I'm not a fool. I am a lucky guy and I'm a evolved intellectual as well. I know most parents wouldn't be completely and totally comfortable with their daughter bringing home a porn star and saying "Mom and Dad, meet Malcolm Lovejoy! Yes, he is a nice guy. Where does he work? Oh, you can see his work online!" We are not living in a society that enlightened as yet, but I'm working on getting everyone there (have you seen my work? I'm not ashamed of it at all! But, I digress.) If you care what people think about your relationship, whether it's your parents or your friends on Facebook, then you will have to work that out internally, if your happiness is worth public judgement (hint: IT ALWAYS IS. But that's for you to choose...)
5) Are you the jealous type of girlfriend?
Because if you are, your future with someone who has sex with other people for a living, then... you either are going to have to get REALLY GOOD at turning a blind eye and ear to where your boyfriend was all day yesterday or last night, or start accepting that maybe, just maybe, sex can be like any and every other human interaction humanity conducts every day. There is no reason that porn stars can't be treated like a gynecologist treats their patients or actors treat their co-stars. Porn is a job, and it is very possible (actually, it's pretty necessary and vital) to leave work at work when you go home at the end of the day of shooting porn. I don't have any on-going relationships with any of the lovely women I have shot porn with in the last 6 months. We are friends, and I may spend time with them in other ways, which is nice, but I don't mix business and pleasure in that way too often. I'd like to with a few porn stars, but I understand why many don't. It gets complicated, but it it manageable if you are honest. Every question a lover wants to know about my porn life, I will tell her only one answer: the truth. I have nothing to hide. I show my most recent STI tests to anyone that wants to know if I'm clean. I admit whether I shot a scene with or without condoms. Some days on a porn set don't even involve any penis-in-vagina sex! So, you never know what kind of day it will be, thus the jealousy can be taken apart through moment-to-moment scenarios. I'm coming home to you, and I'm not lying to you about anything I've done, so I promise to stay faithful to giving you love, passion, friendship, trust, joy and honesty. And TRUST ME, there are FEW things more sexy than being together with your partner and watching a porn movie they made... then getting inspired by it to do your own hot sexy stuff right after watching it!
That's just the tip of the iceberg of being with a porn star.
But I'm not your average porn star, so smile mileage may vary.
If you want to know more, just ask me!
Email: [email protected]
Twitter: mindbendermind
Facebook: Dr. Malcolm Jackson Lovejoy
In Love and Joy,
Malcolm aka Adhimu Stewart
"Malcolm Lovejoy is the porn star of the future. A renaissance man like no other in adult entertainment, he is a romantic enthusiast on levels that would make Casanova proud. His feminist-focused approach to all things pornographic pushes his work into a category unlike most men in porn, as Malcolm's passion for providing multi-orgasmic satisfaction for his partners before spending time trying to give a money shot, his unparalleled oral skills, tender touch and ultra-athletic action-packed sex style makes Malcolm's porn a beautiful vision to behold for everyone lucky enough to see it! And in his first 2 years of filming, he has explored a wide variety of adult content, from heterosexual pleasure, to bondage & submissive play, female ejaculation scenes, solo masturbation, transgender scenes, sci-fi sex, pornographic music videos, and so much more. With over 50 scenes filmed thus far, and more on the way, his plans for 2017 and beyond are nothing but bring more of Malcolm Lovejoy's boundless beauty and sacred sexuality to the world for all people to be endlessly educated and entertained by..."
by Adhimu Stewart aka Malcolm Lovejoy
Gather 'round, good people!
Ladies, women, girls (over 18!) and all femme-identified individuals in the world that have this dream: I can show & tell you what it's like to have a relationship with a male porn star!
Are you sick of throwing up in your mouth a little bit every time you listen to the opinions and thoughts of the average man trying to pick you up at the bar or in the club? Are you fed up with being catcalled and wolf-whistled when you walk down the street or go to the mall? Are you infuriated by the overwhelming mountain of obnoxious and offensive texts and emails you get every day in your Plenty of Fish/OKCupid/Tinder/Facebook/online profile, and you're just about ready to delete every account and picture you ever put on the internet?
Well, don't do it just yet, please!
Yes, I know: the state of modern men is outright dangerous to erotically engage with at worst, if not rather atrocious, depressing, uninspiring, and downright frustrating at best. Dating is a disaster zone where few people escape with their heart and happiness intact, and courtship rituals in Western civilization have drastically decomposed since the days of cowboys and dainty misses, where a man could not even speak to a woman in public if he had not been formally introduced to her, or she didn't wave him over with one of the many signals she possessed in her arousal arsenal, whether it be fanning her face rapidly, or dropping her handkerchief demurely.
In 2017, the male courtship ritual might consist of sending a dick pic and a "I'm ready, u up?" text message at 2:13 AM to any woman he can! But, (pardon to use a cliche) NOT ALL MEN are guilty of such callous, selfish and dysfunctional relationship-building behaviour!
I, Adhimu Stewart, am a Canadian feminist porn actor, and Professional Love Maker. I have sex with women on camera, and with people for their private fantasies off-camera, too! So, let me tell you what it's like to have a relationship with a porn star (in the making), for those who are curious!
Sexy Revelations:
1) No two porn stars are exactly alike, therefore no two relationships with porn stars will be alike.
Some porn stars specialize in penis size, muscles, domination, team-sex scenes, rough talk & action, or romantic, story-telling driven vignettes. And who he is on camera may only be a percentage of who he is off-camera! I know that there are things I do privately that I have chosen not to do sexually and publicly, for my own reasons. Every man may be the same, to a lower or higher degree. Will he want different sex with you than he has at work? Probably. Will you want to have a personalized experience with a porn star at home? Maybe it can happen! This may be one of the perks to dating a porn star. And this is what is called: a BENEFIT. Such as the benefits of bliss I felt when I recently made love to a ballerina!! So, yes. It will probably be quite different than any other relationship you have ever had. His average day will probably consist of him being naked, if not him having sex with someone, if not more than one person... so there's that.
2) Being with a porn star may take you to your sexual physical limits... and maybe past them!!
Have you ever played hockey with an NHL player? Ever played basketball with an NBA star? Hell, have you ever played tennis with a Wimbledon champion? The experience is guaranteed to be something more intense than just playing a little pick-up game with your neighbors. Your sex, your conversations about sexual boundaries, your understanding of possible relationships, even your every day little interactions are probably going to be much more extreme than usual. I consider myself a sexual athlete, and I like to work up a sweat when I throw down in the bedroom (or bathroom, or living room, or...) Being with a porn star may take you to your sexual physical limits... and maybe past them!! Know yourself, and what you can handle. And if you want to take yourself beyond the limits you've felt with all previous men... then buckle up, and get ready to feel fantasy on a deeper level than you've ever known... Overtime in Game 7 of the Playoffs type magic!
3) It could become high-profile, even when you think you're low-key.
I was walking with a lover to an event we had planned on attending together, and within 5 minutes, I had seen three different people from different places and circles of connection. My partner at the time was like "You are so popular! Is there ever a day when it's not like this for you? Can you go anywhere and be alone?" To which I replied "Not really!" So, being with someone that does porn MIGHT reduce your public incognito possibilities, if you are walking around with them. If they are very famous, you may get your own fame just by social media association. As we neared this event, I actually was tangled between three different lovers/former lovers/possible lovers all at once in the same subway station! I introduced them all to each other, and then laughed. #pornlife
4) Do you care what people think?
It's one thing to have your privacy threshold reduced... but it's another thing to be exposed to more popularity for dating a porn star, and NOT be comfortable with it! There are levels to this biz. Do you care if your parents know? Do you care what your boss thinks? Do you mind if your drinking and smoking buddies are privy to this info? Does it matter to your extended family if you are dating someone "like that"? I'm not a fool. I am a lucky guy and I'm a evolved intellectual as well. I know most parents wouldn't be completely and totally comfortable with their daughter bringing home a porn star and saying "Mom and Dad, meet Malcolm Lovejoy! Yes, he is a nice guy. Where does he work? Oh, you can see his work online!" We are not living in a society that enlightened as yet, but I'm working on getting everyone there (have you seen my work? I'm not ashamed of it at all! But, I digress.) If you care what people think about your relationship, whether it's your parents or your friends on Facebook, then you will have to work that out internally, if your happiness is worth public judgement (hint: IT ALWAYS IS. But that's for you to choose...)
5) Are you the jealous type of girlfriend?
Because if you are, your future with someone who has sex with other people for a living, then... you either are going to have to get REALLY GOOD at turning a blind eye and ear to where your boyfriend was all day yesterday or last night, or start accepting that maybe, just maybe, sex can be like any and every other human interaction humanity conducts every day. There is no reason that porn stars can't be treated like a gynecologist treats their patients or actors treat their co-stars. Porn is a job, and it is very possible (actually, it's pretty necessary and vital) to leave work at work when you go home at the end of the day of shooting porn. I don't have any on-going relationships with any of the lovely women I have shot porn with in the last 6 months. We are friends, and I may spend time with them in other ways, which is nice, but I don't mix business and pleasure in that way too often. I'd like to with a few porn stars, but I understand why many don't. It gets complicated, but it it manageable if you are honest. Every question a lover wants to know about my porn life, I will tell her only one answer: the truth. I have nothing to hide. I show my most recent STI tests to anyone that wants to know if I'm clean. I admit whether I shot a scene with or without condoms. Some days on a porn set don't even involve any penis-in-vagina sex! So, you never know what kind of day it will be, thus the jealousy can be taken apart through moment-to-moment scenarios. I'm coming home to you, and I'm not lying to you about anything I've done, so I promise to stay faithful to giving you love, passion, friendship, trust, joy and honesty. And TRUST ME, there are FEW things more sexy than being together with your partner and watching a porn movie they made... then getting inspired by it to do your own hot sexy stuff right after watching it!
That's just the tip of the iceberg of being with a porn star.
But I'm not your average porn star, so smile mileage may vary.
If you want to know more, just ask me!
Email: [email protected]
Twitter: mindbendermind
Facebook: Dr. Malcolm Jackson Lovejoy
In Love and Joy,
Malcolm aka Adhimu Stewart
"Malcolm Lovejoy is the porn star of the future. A renaissance man like no other in adult entertainment, he is a romantic enthusiast on levels that would make Casanova proud. His feminist-focused approach to all things pornographic pushes his work into a category unlike most men in porn, as Malcolm's passion for providing multi-orgasmic satisfaction for his partners before spending time trying to give a money shot, his unparalleled oral skills, tender touch and ultra-athletic action-packed sex style makes Malcolm's porn a beautiful vision to behold for everyone lucky enough to see it! And in his first 2 years of filming, he has explored a wide variety of adult content, from heterosexual pleasure, to bondage & submissive play, female ejaculation scenes, solo masturbation, transgender scenes, sci-fi sex, pornographic music videos, and so much more. With over 50 scenes filmed thus far, and more on the way, his plans for 2017 and beyond are nothing but bring more of Malcolm Lovejoy's boundless beauty and sacred sexuality to the world for all people to be endlessly educated and entertained by..."
effects of being a mistress
The Plight of The Mistress Mindset
By Frank Kermit
The women who enter into affairs with married men behind a wife’s back seem to take on the wrath of society. When the genders are reversed and it is the wife cheating, society tends to take a more compassion view towards the cheating wife wondering what unfulfilled needs caused her to seek out an extra marital affair.
Yet when it is a husband cheating on his wife, it seems to trigger a societal rage, and some of that rage gets directed at the mistress involved. If the marriage were an open relationship where the wife was aware and consenting to the extra martial relationship, it would no longer be an affair, and there would not be as much cause for the raw hatred because the core issues of trust and abandonment are not being violated.
In that case it is likely, as with a number of open relationship couples, that the wife would also have the awareness and consent of the husband to pursue her own paramours.
But the plight of the mistress is not all enveloped in the wrath of fury thrust upon her by the people affected by such an affair. It is not her potential broken heart from unfulfilled promises or ending up alone when a husband decides to work things out with his wife.
It is not even how her friends and family may distance themselves from her if and when her role as a mistress comes to light.
The true plight of a mistress is the danger of the repeating behavior pattern she is enforcing when she enters into a relationship with an emotionally unavailable partner.
The longer any person continues to develop attachment and experience in emotionally unavailable relationships, the stronger the predisposition of her mindset to repeat that behavior pattern.
The best way to safeguard herself from getting stuck in that repeating behavior pattern is to break it before it starts either by refusing to date a man who seeks to cheat on his wife, or to end things immediately when she discovers that the man she was dating was in fact married and hiding it.
In the latter example, it is unfortunate to report that many women continue to see him, regardless of being lied too, because of how she already feels attached to him. The advice of how she feels cannot be the most important thing, when in the process of trying to break a repeating behavior pattern, is simply unpopular with such women and is part of the reason she is likely to continue repeating it.
Like any unhealthy addiction, the longer we do something that is not good for us, the harder it becomes to stop doing it.
Being a mistress becomes normalized the longer you do it, to the point where, single men who would be interested in a serious relationship with you, would turn you off.
This is why many mistresses actually end up losing interest in their married lovers once the wives dump those men after the affair becomes public. Part of the attraction is all the intrigue and emotional range from biting forbidden fruit, the naughtiness of having something you aren’t suppose to have, the drama of anticipating the next spontaneous secret rendezvous and so on.
Eligible single male candidates who are not cheating on anyone simply aren’t as alluring for women trapped in the repeating behavior pattern of the mistress mindset.
My hopes are that any mistresses who are reading this will see herself and seek out some form of therapy, counseling or coaching to help break the repeating behavior pattern of the mistress mindset.
You obviously have lots of love to give, and the world definitely needs people with love to give. It is just a matter of healing and learning to give love to the right people.
Frank Kermit
By Frank Kermit
The women who enter into affairs with married men behind a wife’s back seem to take on the wrath of society. When the genders are reversed and it is the wife cheating, society tends to take a more compassion view towards the cheating wife wondering what unfulfilled needs caused her to seek out an extra marital affair.
Yet when it is a husband cheating on his wife, it seems to trigger a societal rage, and some of that rage gets directed at the mistress involved. If the marriage were an open relationship where the wife was aware and consenting to the extra martial relationship, it would no longer be an affair, and there would not be as much cause for the raw hatred because the core issues of trust and abandonment are not being violated.
In that case it is likely, as with a number of open relationship couples, that the wife would also have the awareness and consent of the husband to pursue her own paramours.
But the plight of the mistress is not all enveloped in the wrath of fury thrust upon her by the people affected by such an affair. It is not her potential broken heart from unfulfilled promises or ending up alone when a husband decides to work things out with his wife.
It is not even how her friends and family may distance themselves from her if and when her role as a mistress comes to light.
The true plight of a mistress is the danger of the repeating behavior pattern she is enforcing when she enters into a relationship with an emotionally unavailable partner.
The longer any person continues to develop attachment and experience in emotionally unavailable relationships, the stronger the predisposition of her mindset to repeat that behavior pattern.
The best way to safeguard herself from getting stuck in that repeating behavior pattern is to break it before it starts either by refusing to date a man who seeks to cheat on his wife, or to end things immediately when she discovers that the man she was dating was in fact married and hiding it.
In the latter example, it is unfortunate to report that many women continue to see him, regardless of being lied too, because of how she already feels attached to him. The advice of how she feels cannot be the most important thing, when in the process of trying to break a repeating behavior pattern, is simply unpopular with such women and is part of the reason she is likely to continue repeating it.
Like any unhealthy addiction, the longer we do something that is not good for us, the harder it becomes to stop doing it.
Being a mistress becomes normalized the longer you do it, to the point where, single men who would be interested in a serious relationship with you, would turn you off.
This is why many mistresses actually end up losing interest in their married lovers once the wives dump those men after the affair becomes public. Part of the attraction is all the intrigue and emotional range from biting forbidden fruit, the naughtiness of having something you aren’t suppose to have, the drama of anticipating the next spontaneous secret rendezvous and so on.
Eligible single male candidates who are not cheating on anyone simply aren’t as alluring for women trapped in the repeating behavior pattern of the mistress mindset.
My hopes are that any mistresses who are reading this will see herself and seek out some form of therapy, counseling or coaching to help break the repeating behavior pattern of the mistress mindset.
You obviously have lots of love to give, and the world definitely needs people with love to give. It is just a matter of healing and learning to give love to the right people.
Frank Kermit
Couples Who Are Sexually Incompatible
Sexually Incompatible Couples
By Frank Kermit
Sex is not the most important thing in a relationship. However, couples who love each other dearly and connect on so many levels, but whom are sexually incompatible tend to find that sex can be at the core of a number of their issues. It is not easy to want to build a relationship with someone that simply does not connect with you well sexually. Those couples who face this situation often cite the fact that in every other way the person they are with is truly their best option and is the person they want to build a future with.
Acceptance is one of the ways to deal with this situation, however it is easier said than done. This involves simply accepting your partner as is, without the desire to change your partner, and for you to modify your sexual tastes by attempting experiences to reprogram what it is you find sexually satisfying to be able to better connect to your partner on the level your partner is at. This requires a good amount of work on yourself, and can also result in some harbored feelings of resentment towards your partner, even if intellectually you can rationalize your situation.
For example, it turns out your partner was sexually abused as a child, and is unable to have certain sexual experiences with you, so you simply accept that parameters and limitations of your sex life, and finds ways for you to sexually function within those boundaries. However, this option may not be easy to do, especially if there are other issues in the relationship that you may resent your partner for, which can get lumped in with (and perhaps fueled by) your sexual frustrations.
Another option can be to find a compromise that would be a middle ground between you and your partner. It could just come down to the two of you taking turns about who gets their main sexual needs met each time you engage in sex. For example, if you are both very dominate personalities and like being in the dominate role, you may have to take turns being dominate so that you both get some maximum sexual satisfaction with each turn.
There are couples that take the route to experiment with more open relationship structures and explore non-monogamy. This involves bringing in other people into the bedroom, or allowing a partner to satisfy certain sex needs with other people that the primary partner is unable or unwilling to satisfy. Although this can successfully work for many couples, it is not for everyone, as any non-monogamous relationship structure requires a free flow of communication between the couple and extra care to address the self-esteem of each individual in the couple as well as any other individuals that participates.
For example, one member of the couple has a particular sexual fetish that the primary partner has no interest in taking part in, but allows for the member to experience it with others. It is better to have the primary partner be involved on some level (supervision, or at least in helping choose the other people involved), but depending on factors like jealousy, compersion or open mindedness, has not always proven to be needed.
Whatever path you choose to attempt, always keep in mind that there is nothing wrong with you and there is nothing wrong with your partner. You are simply different, and if you are unable to appreciate that in your partner there will always be other people that want your partner as is. Never take your partner for granted.
Frank Kermit
By Frank Kermit
Sex is not the most important thing in a relationship. However, couples who love each other dearly and connect on so many levels, but whom are sexually incompatible tend to find that sex can be at the core of a number of their issues. It is not easy to want to build a relationship with someone that simply does not connect with you well sexually. Those couples who face this situation often cite the fact that in every other way the person they are with is truly their best option and is the person they want to build a future with.
Acceptance is one of the ways to deal with this situation, however it is easier said than done. This involves simply accepting your partner as is, without the desire to change your partner, and for you to modify your sexual tastes by attempting experiences to reprogram what it is you find sexually satisfying to be able to better connect to your partner on the level your partner is at. This requires a good amount of work on yourself, and can also result in some harbored feelings of resentment towards your partner, even if intellectually you can rationalize your situation.
For example, it turns out your partner was sexually abused as a child, and is unable to have certain sexual experiences with you, so you simply accept that parameters and limitations of your sex life, and finds ways for you to sexually function within those boundaries. However, this option may not be easy to do, especially if there are other issues in the relationship that you may resent your partner for, which can get lumped in with (and perhaps fueled by) your sexual frustrations.
Another option can be to find a compromise that would be a middle ground between you and your partner. It could just come down to the two of you taking turns about who gets their main sexual needs met each time you engage in sex. For example, if you are both very dominate personalities and like being in the dominate role, you may have to take turns being dominate so that you both get some maximum sexual satisfaction with each turn.
There are couples that take the route to experiment with more open relationship structures and explore non-monogamy. This involves bringing in other people into the bedroom, or allowing a partner to satisfy certain sex needs with other people that the primary partner is unable or unwilling to satisfy. Although this can successfully work for many couples, it is not for everyone, as any non-monogamous relationship structure requires a free flow of communication between the couple and extra care to address the self-esteem of each individual in the couple as well as any other individuals that participates.
For example, one member of the couple has a particular sexual fetish that the primary partner has no interest in taking part in, but allows for the member to experience it with others. It is better to have the primary partner be involved on some level (supervision, or at least in helping choose the other people involved), but depending on factors like jealousy, compersion or open mindedness, has not always proven to be needed.
Whatever path you choose to attempt, always keep in mind that there is nothing wrong with you and there is nothing wrong with your partner. You are simply different, and if you are unable to appreciate that in your partner there will always be other people that want your partner as is. Never take your partner for granted.
Frank Kermit
Click the image to check out my Adult Male Virgin System
Should a Male Virgin Pay For Sex?
by Frank Kermit
For the record, I must issue a disclaimer that I am not against prostitution.
I think that as long as it is between consenting adults, it is no one's business.
I think sex work needs to be decriminalized and legal.
With that said...
Every now and then, when people find out that I coach Adult Male Virgins (AMVs)
they ask why don't AMVs simply pay for sex and get it over with.
Yup, that is right. As I describe in my THE ADULT MALE VIRGINS HANDBOOK EBOOK
The same people that would scorn a man for being an AMV,
scolding him for paying a hooker or escort for sex,
also scorn him for not having done so yet.
Dammed if you do, dammed if you don't.
by Frank Kermit
For the record, I must issue a disclaimer that I am not against prostitution.
I think that as long as it is between consenting adults, it is no one's business.
I think sex work needs to be decriminalized and legal.
With that said...
Every now and then, when people find out that I coach Adult Male Virgins (AMVs)
they ask why don't AMVs simply pay for sex and get it over with.
Yup, that is right. As I describe in my THE ADULT MALE VIRGINS HANDBOOK EBOOK
The same people that would scorn a man for being an AMV,
scolding him for paying a hooker or escort for sex,
also scorn him for not having done so yet.
Dammed if you do, dammed if you don't.
 Don't Let Guilt and Shame Hold You Back From Finding Sex, Love and Dating | Here is something I want to make clear to you. Paying for sex does not solve all your problems. In fact, all it does is trade your problems for different problems. Men who frequent prostitutes tend to become reliant on prostitutes. It is a very dangerous habit to get into. |
A woman that views sex with a man as a mere transaction, has no motivation to see him become independent of her nor is she likely happy for him if he finds a girlfriend or wife that he would be monogamous with. His independence would directly affect her bottom line.
Every AMV that I have ever coached that paid for sex, (still emotionally a virgin if not a physical one) still felt the emptiness of never feeling loved by a woman.
And that does not get solved by paying for sex.
Sure, it solves some of the physical cravings, at least temporarily until they come up again.
But it does not address the emotional needs and desires of
wanting to be wanted by someone that does not need to be paid.
But it does not address the emotional needs and desires of
wanting to be wanted by someone that does not need to be paid.
| Even worse, a man only gets to develop Real Sex Skills when he practices with a woman that isn't being paid to tell him he is great. |  An Ebook for just after you lose your V-Card, and what to do next |
A seminar for adult male virgins, who asks questions that they cannot ask anywhere else The Paradox:
Paying for sex is for guys that can already get sex without paying for it.
So, if you were thinking that paying for sex will solve the problem...
I can tell you from the experience of my client base...and those that attended my Adult Male Virgin Seminars who shared their stories, it does not.
It is time to Take The Luck Out Of Love and sign up for Coaching.
P.S. Do you Agree With This Article? Disagree? Have something to Add?
Write your thoughts in the comments below and SHARE this article to see how many of your friends think like you.
P.S. Do you Agree With This Article? Disagree? Have something to Add?
Write your thoughts in the comments below and SHARE this article to see how many of your friends think like you.
Sign up to talk with Dating and Relationship Expect Coach Frank Kermit
What Sugar Arrangement Sites Do Not Tell You
What Seeking Arrangements
Does Not Tell You:
The Secrets of Seeking Arrangements
By Frank Kermit
Originally written in 2015, updated April 24, 2018
Seeking Arrangements is a website that calls itself a dating site that targets young, attractive women in their late teens and early twenties, to help them meet financially established, usually older men who want to trade major financial support (averaging 3000$ a month) for a negotiated form of companionship.
It entices the girls by describing the men as financially stable, experienced in dating, willing to pamper with shopping sprees and expensive gifts and travels, and also potentially offering valuable guidance and mentoring (i.e. career-wise) aiming for long term stability.
It entices the men involved by describing the benefits of no strings attached relations, readily available girls at his discretion, and that the number of sugar babies to sugar daddies is a whopping 8 to 1.
On the one hand, as long as everyone involved is an adult, and enters into such an agreement of their own free will, then the only real issue is whether or not such an arrangement is legal where the two adults live.
There are places where prostitution is perfectly legal and The Sugar Daddy/Sugar Baby set up isn't actually all that different from prostitution. To understand what makes the Sugar Daddy/Sugar Baby set up similar to prostitution is that when a sugar daddy falls on hard times, loses his source of income or tries to negotiate a lower rate of exchange; it is very likely that his pseudo girlfriend can no longer offer him that brand of companionship and quickly ends the arrangement.
The fact that it is just like prostitution in this regard is not the problem. I do not believe in judging anyone for entering into the sex trade; because everyone has their own reasons to take part it in (both the sex-worker and the client).
To be clear, I believe the prostitution should be decriminalized and have nothing against people that pay for sex and companionship, and the people that provide the services of sex and companionship. As long as everyone is a consenting adult, and they are made aware of the consequences of their involvement, not just the positives.
| | What I believe is the great point of tension however, is what such sites do not tell participants about some of the risks involved, focusing mostly on selling a fantasy of no consequences. |
There are ramifications to taking part of this lifestyle that only come to the attention of those involved when it is too late.
For the girls involved these risks may include living with the possibility that someday in the future, their involvement in this could be revealed and affect them in ways they never considered.
For example, if they wanted to keep it a secret from a her future employer, life partner or her children's friends but it was made public because a former sugar daddy (or someone with access to his estate) upload evidence on the Internet of her time as a sugar baby.
Some former sugar babies end up struggling financially, because they become so accustom to the lavish lifestyle their sugar daddies offered, that having to work for a living, usually making less money, causes them to rack up debt very quickly.
Just because she is being taken care of now, does not mean she is being taught to be independent. Trying to find a sugar daddy when she is older, and beyond the demographic of the sugar daddy target audience, becomes a terrible rude awakening for these women.
It is not a coincidence that Seeking Arrangements and other services like it specifically aim to recruit young, attractive women in their early twenties. Older women in those circles are more expected to take on the role of a Sugar Mommy and offer support to younger, attractive men.
It is the same arrangement, with the reversal of genders. Finally those of my female clients that were former sugar babies, now struggle with finding a life partner in part because her standards are so high and out of proportion with the kinds of men that would actually date her, and those men she would be interested in dating, would not want to date her given her past as a sugar baby, or they are too shallow to date a woman closer to his own age.
Although some sugar babies are getting degrees in higher education, not all are, and not all sugar babies finish their degrees. Many of them may even not be considering how the gaps in their resume will affect them. How does she explain how she made a living during certain periods of her life, yet has no work experience to show for that time?
It is because of such gaps, these women struggle to find work outside of the sex industry. (Sugar baby isn't exactly a high-ranking resume credential for jobs outside of sex work). One sex worker I interviewed for an old audio production I did, stated that this particular snafu was one of the reasons that made it so challenging for working girls to get out of the business.
The consequences for the men involved are different. It seems there is less of a stigma for men that pay for the services of the sex industry, than there is for the girls who work in the sex industry. The real risk in paying for companionship, attention, and sex, is that it dulls a man's ability to know what is socially acceptable behavior on an actual date.
Those of my male clients who were involved for years with such arrangements get used to being told what they want to hear, thus they never learn through legitimate social experience that their behavior is actually creepy and turns women off.
When these men behave exactly the same way, dating women they are not paying to be there, they get their own rude awakenings through massive rejection and abandonment, never understanding what they did wrong.
Real life dating is as much a learning experience about social acceptability as it is to find a compatible partner.
When a man pays for sex as the outcome, and it is a pre-determined guarantee regardless of what he says or how he behaves, he does not learn how to attract or interact with women in a way that encourages a woman to want to continue spending time with him (let alone have sex).
When trying to understand the true nature of what the girls involved should expect seeking an arrangement, I would tell them this:
If a man only wanted the companionship of a woman who was not interested in having sex with him, he could easily do so with every woman who he asked out and rejected him, but who offered to stay just-friends.
And even in those cases, some men still stuck around hoping to get more from her than she was offering.
Be careful out there folks.
If you had a Sugar Arrangement and are struggling to get back into the regular dating realm, sign up for Frank Coaching.
Frank Kermit
P.S. I was quoted in another article about the Sugar Baby Industry. Please go see Sugar Daddies: The Quick Cash
| Sex Is Important. Otherwise there would be no sex industry and sex would not be used in mainstream advertising. Whichever side you are on when it comes to sex, a consumer, a service provider, or just an enthusiastic participant, every partner you ever have will appreciate your efforts to be a better lover. Get a copy of Now What? Unique Ways To Cater To Her Sexual E.N.A if you want to learn to be a better lover. |  Be A Better Lover |
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The Ashley Madison Affair
The Ashley Madison Affair
Re-thinking our relationships
and the practice of monogamy
By Frank Kermit
Ashley Madison, a website that caters to individuals in seemingly monogamous relationships and who are looking for a discreet affair, has been hacked.
This means that the discretion and secrecy promised to its membership has been compromised, with full personal information of customers now made publicly available for anyone to download them.
The aftereffects, according to various media sources, include suicide of those exposed (at least two thus far attributed directly to the hack), cheating partners confessing their indiscretions to prepare partners for the fallout, a number of people targeted for extortion who are blackmailed into either paying up or having their information further exposed to family and friends, credit card cancellations to avoid illegal identity thefts, a growing number of lawsuits against the website and a big reward offered by the company that owns Ashley Madison to help catch the hackers responsible for the revelation.
What is not so publicized is that not everyone uncovered in this scandal is a person in a monogamous relationship attempting to have a secret affair. Single men and women looking for casual sex with other singles do join this kind of site. Also overlooked are couples that agree to have some kind of non-monogamous relationship and find it easier to discover other open-minded individuals through a site like Ashley Madison rather than attempt to find discreet partners through other means.
I wonder how some of the couples affected by this will cope. Affairs unto themselves do not necessarily end relationships.
It is how a couple copes with the broken trust and how they examine the lack of fulfilling emotional needs that will determine whether or not their relationship will survive this challenging issue.
In moments of crisis, we may find new opportunities to reach a level of honesty with ourselves and our partners that could put an end to behaviors of betrayal and potentially help rebuild our relationships on more solid foundations.
Maybe it is time for some individuals to accept that monogamy is simply not something they are capable of or interested in pretending to exemplify anymore, or to recognize that they have taken their partner for granted and fostered extreme neglect that pushed them away.
Perhaps what could be the most desirable outcome of this entire situation is that, with the right guidance, singles and couples struggling with fidelity may finally learn to be honest with others about their sexual needs and questioning whether they may or may not have neglected their partner’s needs, which led in part to their current predicament.
Surely the one thing most people can agree on in the aftermath of this revelation is that, if so many people publicly identify as monogamous but aren’t actually practicing monogamy, then maybe we all need to re-think our relationships and expectations as a society regarding monogamy.
One sure thing that my practice of coaching has proven time and time again is that people and relationships are much more complex than the sensationalism mass media would rather you focus on. More to the point, monogamy is not for everyone, and neither is a non-monogamous relationship.
However, people can make either relationship structure work with the right partner. It takes being honest with themselves first, and learning to communicate their needs to their partners.
One sure thing that my practice of coaching has proven time and time again is that people and relationships are much more complex than the sensationalism mass media would rather you focus on.
While some in the public are praising the hacker group who committed this act in the name of some moral calling, I cannot help but wonder what their next target will be.
Their motivation is based on what they find immoral, which means anyone doing anything that is counter to their personal code of ethics could be targeted. Will abortion clinics be next?
Perhaps it will be hospital records, to reveal patient medical conditions because of some righteous stance on what diseases are more culpable to have than others, or government offices willing to file marriages (same-sex, inter-faith, inter-race, age-gap) that they disapprove of.
Could we see a shaming campaign against sexually active adults who are members of regular dating websites?
Perhaps disrupting legal proceedings will be next because some hackers out there feel that divorce proceedings are contrary to their code of ethics.
Evidently, the hacker groups are powerful enough to carry about these threats. Something to think about if you happen to be amusing yourself with the effects of watching people’s lives unfold in the wake of the hacking of Ashley Madison.
Frank Kermit
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ABOUT FRANK
Frank Kermit
NDG Encore Singing Chorus Administrator,
Obese Recovery Coach
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(~30 yrs experience)
Author of over 20+ books of original content
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