Would you like to try having phone sex but don't know where to start? Continue reading to learn some tips and where you can go to connect with like minded people. There’s one thing that most people learn when they’re alone that they never thought was possible. That’s the absolute fact that phone sex with strangers is a whole lot of fun. You get to talk about all of your filthiest fantasies with someone who’s just trying to have a good time with you. You don’t have to worry about what they think of you and you don’t even have to get their name right. You just talk about whatever you want to talk about and they have fun with you. In fact, you don’t even have to be alone to learn this. NYMag has a whole article about a woman in a sexless marriage that got herself addicted to phone sex with strangers. It doesn’t matter how odd it sounds. It’s true and it’s something that any person in the world can do. All you need is a phone and you’re off and running. You can have some fun and never have to talk to the other person again. You’ll never have to worry about the way that you’re coming off because you’re only interacting with this person for an hour or so and then you can both forget that each other even exist. The Dirtier, The Better The one thing to keep in your mind is that the dirtier you can get with your phone sex, the better it’s going to be. That’s just how it is and you get to benefit from it. If you can let yourself go and really let your sexuality come out to play, then you’re going to give your phone sex partners an experience that they enjoy and would gladly come back to try out again. If you want to know just how dirty you can get, just think about porn. If there’s something that’s over the line for you, it’s probably going to be going too far. Other than that, everything is on the table. This woman talks about how dirty you have to be if you want to be a professional phone sex provider. If you take her cues, you’ll be able to get dirty without having to hold yourself back. Just ask yourself if the sex act seems like it would be fun for both of the people involved. If the answer is yes then you know that you’re on to something really good that you should try out. How to Have Phone Sex Don’t think that you can just get on your phone and start talking, though. That’s not going to get you very far. It’s a good idea to at least have a passing understanding of what constitutes phone sex and what’s just going to be blabbing with someone. You’ll have to pay attention to how they’re reacting to find out what they like and what’s going too far for them. You’ll also have to know when to send nude pics and when not to send them. It all depends on how deep into the phone sex you happen to be and where the other person is. If you need a good primer, Cosmopolitan had a really good article when it comes to having phone sex. Just think about the kind of people that the article was made for. It was written for women who want to have phone sex. If you can dial into what they’re saying, you can give the women exactly what they’re looking for. It will make you the perfect stranger for them to get naughty with when they want to explore their own desires over the phone. Find Out Where The Strangers Go If you’re already sold on the idea of having phone sex with strangers then all you need to do is find someone to have it with. There are lots of different places that offer it, but you can cut through all of that noise and find the best place for all of your phone sex needs. If you check out Arousr then you’ll be greeted with as many different people as you could ever want to have phone sex with. The best part is that you can see what everyone looks like before you decide to spend any time on them. That’s going to give you the freedom that you really need. You won’t have to wonder what she looks like when you’re talking to her. She’s going to have a pic on her profile so you know exactly how hot she happens to be. That’s going to make the phone sex much better than it would otherwise be. On top of that, these are women who love to do it. You’ll never find a more enthusiastic stranger to have phone sex with. Once you experience it, you’ll be back over and over again.
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One of the faults in sugar arrangements is “the girlfriend experience,” he said. “By behaving and doing things that couples normally do, they start to have emotional attachments that they didn’t anticipate,” he said.
This includes such things as public displays of affection and going on dates. “The girlfriend experience” creates the potential for feelings of jealousy, which can cause turmoil in the arrangement for both parties, he said.
It is also often difficult for sugar babies to support themselves financially once their arrangement is over, as they are accustomed to a certain way of life, he said.
“If any of these sugar daddies cut them off, they’re not necessarily used to earning their own money through other means,” he said.
Kermit recalled in an interview that he counselled a sugar baby who dropped out of university once she found a sugar daddy.
“When someone is getting that kind of money on a regular basis, school may not be a priority for them anymore,” he said.
It isn’t just the sugar babies affected by this kind of arrangement either. In his experience, many sugar daddies he has counselled have become “socially dull,” he said. Once their arrangement is over, sugar daddies often do not know how to act around other women when they are not paying for their services, he said. The same behaviors that had been accepted by sugar babies, are no longer accepted by women these sugar daddies meet afterward, he said.
Sugar arrangements aren’t without benefit however. “Whether it’s money, whether it’s getting sex, or whether it’s getting certain experiences this person wouldn’t get without this arrangement, there is a positive,” he said. “That’s why people do it.”
People can often experiment with sexual fetishes in sugar relationships that they may be too nervous to try in conventional relationships, he said. Since all aspects of the arrangement are negotiated beforehand, these fetishes can be discussed early on. “Be clear about your boundaries and stick to them,” he said.
“The best way to make sugar relationships healthier is to stop calling it a relationship,” he said. “Call it what it is. Call it an arrangement.”
About The Author My name is Sarah Do Couto and I’m a Ryerson University journalism student. I have a passion for writing about all things odd and unconventional.I was born and raised in Hamilton and grew up as a self-proclaimed theatre nerd. E-mail: [email protected] Phone number: 905-741-5099 Twitter: @sarahdocouto Instagram: @sarah_docouto |
If you are getting back into dating after having been involved in a Sugar Arrangement, then sign up for non-judgment Frank Coaching to get you back in the world of non-arrangement dating. |
*Disclaimer:
the views of the author do not necessarily represent the views of Franktalks.com.
It is important to present different views/mindsets, and that includes material that may be deemed controversial in nature.
Kinky Acrostic Sunday
by Annabel Joseph
Oh BAM! Yes, you remember writing Acrostic poetry from first grade.
Who's to say we can't put it to kinky purposes?
Acrostic poetry is another example of "constrained writing"--a literary technique in which the writer is bound by some condition that forbids certain things or imposes a pattern.
Ooh...what could be more kinky than being constrained or bound?
Here are a few examples I came up with. You gotta try this. It's fun!
Be sure to post your own acrostics in the comments!
-Annabel Joseph
http://annabeljoseph.com/
To read past articles by Annabel Joseph, click:
www.franktalks.com/blog/stigma-and-struggles-of-humiliation-kink
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P.S. Do you Agree With This Article? Disagree?
Have something to Add?
Write your thoughts in the comments below and share this article to see how many of your friends think like you.
Five General Assumptions About Porn Stars and Sex Workers
by Adhimu Stewart aka Malcolm Lovejoy
It's now the Springtime of 2017. Technology is at an all-time level of stupendous evolution. I was at OCAD - Ontario College of Art and Design two weeks ago, and I saw a man with a self-attached, metallic digital earpiece connected to the side his temple, and it extended into his ear like it was straight outta Star Trek: the Next Generation.
Google Earth can allow you to visually experience damn near anywhere on this planet from the comfort of your cozy chair in front of your computer. And Ocular Rift is genuinely brain-rearranging in its ability to transport us to unforeseen dimensions of inventive imaginative eye-popping experiences in life... and love and sex, of course!
As it is incalculable how important, nay, excruciatingly vital, the phenomenon of human sexuality has been in playing a primary, innovative, pioneering role in evolving virtually every aspect of human existence, from technology, family, finance, science, religion, justice to basic universal empathy;
sexuality is literally the lifeblood of reality.
You are here because two people had sex (unless you were born via in vitro fertilization,which also required two people's chemical interaction) and, sadly... the fact that two (or more) people simply chose to have some fun and have sex with each other STILL causes other people that ALSO are alive on earth because two other people had sex with each other, to get all messed-up in their morals and perspectives on others living a simple human life!
Let us learn how to stop the proverbial madness, once and for all.
The degree of decorum-destroying general disrespect that is unleashed ad nausea across the world by generations of less-than-enlightened individuals that completely forget some of the BASIC fundamental principals of a democratic society, and fail to maturely maintain that in a free and civilized nation, democracy and freedom applies to individual sexual philosophical selection as well.
This dangerous daily disrespect cannot be quantified enough.
And whether heard or unheard, unleashed violently or emotionally,
EVERY SINGLE ACT of denial and dishonor to human sexual freedom is downright wrong,
no matter how many likes some anti-woman sex-shaming meme gets liked or spread endlessly around the internet, nor how many people privately mutter some slanderous dirt about Belle Knox, Ciara & her new husband, Lindsay Lohan's list of lovers, Rihanna's badgyal image, Kirsten Stewart's infidelity to Robert Pattinson, the Brangelina/Jennifer Aniston thing, or Amber Rose's Slutwalk Initiative (or the original SlutWalk in Toronto, among other acts of resistance).
Between completely conscious, collaborative, consenting individuals, whether they are both 21 years old, or 42 years old (if not 82, I'm no ageist and I plan to be having sex until my last day on earth), there has NEVER been an act of safe, sacred and satisfying sexual connection that is worth the apocalyptic religious judgement, negative public stigma, familial shame and/or other detrimental damage done to anyone that has been "caught" enjoying their right to be a human being intimate with other human beings that seek to temporarily bask in the eternal bliss found in a hug, a kiss or any other form of connection we can courageously reach out for in this semi-selfish, harsh, hypocritical, cold world.
And thus far, I've mostly been focusing on people who DON'T have sex for money or on a professional basis of value-oriented economic exchange, just the illogical issues too many powerful and supposedly educated people still have about basic, simple sex!
Because honestly: regardless of the countless advances in technology we have accomplished as human beings collectively, sex is generally STILL struggling a very barely-evolved phenomenon across the modern world.
With men, women and people all being taught, manipulated, exploited, controlled, lied to, sold to, and screamed to by forces as big and influential as international organized religion, various educational institutions, the completely inconsistent and contradictory legal system, the partisan confusion preached by various levels of government, the increasingly unknown intentions of modern scientists... and you're supposed to somehow try and have a lifetime of fun with your genitalia and friends in an earthly environment THIS insane?
Good luck!!
I have no idea in the world about what acceptable areas and boundaries of intimacy we are supposed to have any unlimited fun within (much less make any money or exercise any constitutional liberty), facing as many internal and external obstacles as we collectively suffer with now.
And, with all that frustrated foreplay having been gushed out: one way I have realized I can constantly keep expanding the fun I feel is:
TO KNOW THE TRUTH,
and keep it as close as possible to the foundation of your feelings, thoughts and actions during every day of your literal life.
And from this vantage point of life understanding, I'd like to begin this article:
FIVE ASSUMPTIONS TO STOP MAKING
ABOUT PORN STARS AND SEX WORKERS IN 2017.
Some of these are new, some of them are not, but they are all still relevant and matter to me, my friends, my co-workers, my heroes, my heroines, my idols and my entire future.
Let's begin unlearning and relearning some things, shall we?
Assumption 1
That a porn star is the same wild person off-camera that they are on-camera, or a sex worker is always horny, and thus should always be sexually available.
There is very little difference between any actor, musician, porn star, or entertainer in Show Business. On a certain level, at the end of the day:
THEY ARE SIMPLY NOT THE SAME PERSON AT HOME AS THEY ARE AT WORK!
There may be some existential aspects or personality traits of their professional life that make an appearance in their private life, but for the most part, the reality is: what you are witnessing on screen and falling in love with IS A PERFORMER GIVING A PERFORMANCE, not necessarily the actual person you dream they are.
Maybe one of the best, and original examples of such moonlighting is:
Marilyn Monroe isn't actually named 'Marilyn Monroe'.
Her birth name was Norma Jean Mortenson, and, unsurprisingly, she was also not nearly as dumb as she acted on screen, fighting with studio executives and going head-to-head with the President, before her rather suspicious death.
I'm sure a lot of men and women get aroused by the idea that the actor/actress/acting person they're starstruck over is the witty writer and/or clever creator of the scintillating dialogue magically dripping off their lips and enchanting you eternally, or that they are the owner of all the clothes you love to see them dazzle you in, or that there's no embellishment, exaggeration or outside influence upon by the director or producer upon the final version of the image of the person you are dreaming to wake up beside.
But in porn, it's the same as Hollywood: times five.
Or more like times 69!
I know so many porn stars that have sex like wildebeests on MDMA and tasmanian devils on bath salts, but the moment it's time to stop having sex and start breathing and speaking like a normal muggle again, they simply devote their daytime energy to things like animal rights activism, promoting fitness/exercise culture, fighting for civil rights & justice, whether for reproductive freedom or for LGBTQ+ empowerment, if not some other body autonomy issue worth protesting and shouting at the devil over... or they are just a regular person that is cool with showing themselves have sex for money!
Sure, the world of porn can be a quite a life-consuming occupation for many participants, but it doesn't have to necessarily eclipse a porn star's entire reality when they are not getting sweaty and sexy for the camera.
There are married porn stars that have families and husbands/wives outside the industry that they go home to when they are off the clock.
There are porn stars that only do specific acts for money on camera, and may not EVER show their genitals, or other private parts of their body to the world.
Some BDSM practitioners might be known to paddle and flog in a particular signature skin-tight latex/leather outfit, but is on some Mariah Carey/Catholic Nun-level chastity as far as NEVER ONCE having their nipples, genitals or even bare skin be exposed to the world for all ogling eyes to see.
Not every day on the job requires actual penetrative sex, and thank goodness, because one's sex drive isn't a consistent faucet with the same expressive pressure every day.
Bonnie Rotten might actually be as aggressive in her personal interactions in business as she is in her personal interactions in porn... but that doesn't mean she's spitting down throats and begging for prolapsed gapings in the middle of her lasagna dinner at Olive Garden.
Yes, as a porn star, I might have had my work life bleed into my non-work life a bit, and I might occasionally be out at some historic nature monument, looking around like
"I wonder if we can have sex/shoot porn here?"
Yes, that does happen sometimes, ha. But I'm not always scouting women to have sex with, and I'm not always trying to have sex with the women I am attracted to, even if they know I do porn and want to have sex with them!
Porn stars like non-porn movies too!
Heck, Ron Jeremy is a classically-trained piano teacher, Lexington Steele is a university-educated, former Wall Street stock broker, and Nina Hartley is a registered nurse.
Ron "The Hedgehog" Jeremy, as much as people want to downplay him as if his impressive genitals were all he had to offer this world, is a certified schoolteacher, and was teaching children on the autism spectrum before it was even diagnosed as such.
And sure, not all porn stars might be bookish introverts before they remove their khakis and Oxford blazer,
but that doesn't justify denying any porn star the possibility of being a multi-faceted individual capable of any and all the other attributes we ascribe to erotic actors.
Finally, even if they are like Asa Akira, and absolutely LOVE being hypersexual as much as possible, what's wrong with that?
Nobody shames LeBron James for being obsessed with playing basketball, and if they did, how foolish would they look?
About as foolish as anyone shaming any other grown adult for doing exactly what they want with their freedom in life on any given day.
Assumption 2
That porn stars and sex workers are unclean, physically
or morally, and that it's smarter to stay away from touching them, if you find out you have met one.
Optimism and evolution would have most socially-conscious individuals hoping this ignorantly-immature sexual criticism would not remain such a prevalent issue in modern society, what with things like the infinitely-overloaded resource of information known as Internet at virtually everyone on earth's disposal.
But, nope!
We're still living in times not far removed from the 70's, 80's and the AIDS epidemic, when people were saying stupid shit like "Don't share toilet seats with gay people!" or "You can catch HIV from mosquitoes, or drinking from the same cup."
These were some of the ignorant ideas about sexuality that were perpetuated by the masses (not that the government and the education system didn't also do their share of mis-education and avoidance of addressing the facts), and honestly, it's unbelievable how little we have progressed collectively as a society, and as a world.
What with Earvin 'Magic' Johnson still alive and well after diagnosing his HIV status in 1991 and having a famous gender-queer son, as well as new HIV-management treatments such as PrEP,
I'm surprised that more people aren't opening their minds even a tiny bit, to the possibility of STI's, STD's and/or even manageable or terminal diseases not being the scarlet letter for pariahs awaiting eternal existential exodus.
And whether it's HIV, chlamydia, warts, hepatitis, or herpes, the unassailable, unwavering, unbelievably true fact is: the regular civilian that is slut-shaming and slandering any porn stars for being "sexually unclean" has a MUCH HIGHER POSSIBILITY OF TRANSMITTING AN STI than any professional porn star operating at a consistent basis in the adult entertainment industry.
The assumption people have about porn star is silly.
For every story of a Cameron Bay contracting HIV or a Mr. Marcus spreading syphilis shutdown, there's literally ~millions~ of videos of porn stars exchanging nothing but healthy consensual human sexual energy, plus some saliva and semen and other funky fun fluids between each other, then getting their compensation and calling it a good day's work.
The additional truth that the vast majority of porn stars get tested every 14-28 days for most, if not all, STI's to be legally and professionally invited to shoot, in contrast to the general understanding that the average man or woman found at your local bar/dance club/social gathering on a Friday or Saturday night is considered to get tested for STI's approximately once or twice a YEAR, as well as has NO discernible evidence, video or otherwise, that proves they have not had unprotected sex with others since the last (or first) time we chose to become intimate, puts the whole truth into perspective for me.
It's a different level of interaction between men and men in porn and in the gay community, but this is not to reinforce the stereotype that porn stars spread diseases because of their work.
But that doesn't mean I think I'm going to catch gonorrhea when I go to use the washroom at the Black Eagle Bar on Church St.!)
Yet, I digress.
The bottom line is:
MANY people still think porn stars and sex workers are physically and morally unclean than the rest of the population, including a few doctors at the walk-in clinic I go to that offer little more than a judgmental cold shoulder and the lowest level of customer service possible the moment after I reveal my sex worker status, while seeking testing or other related information.
It's probably one of the most knee-jerk, automatic cliches to say about human beings in general: the assumption that people that do sex or porn are dirty, just like assuming something ignorant like "fat people eat like pigs", not considering metabolism, genetics, health conditions, body diversity, or any other reason why it's foolish to assume bigger bodied people are different than any one else.
Or deserve any less respect than you or I.
So, yes.
EVERY single porn star you look at online is NOT a dirty person, physically, morally, economically, or socially.
I always say: Porn is messy, not dirty.
Real Pornography is the professional creation of healthy, clean, safe, visible sexual delight between happily consenting individuals that are erotically empowered and engaged.
Fact: every single Thursday, Friday and Saturday night of the year: there are two people who drunkenly connected with each other at some neighborhood bar, and let the rush of lust consume and compel them to find the first available room/bathroom stall, and get busy... and they didn't stop to ask for consent for barely anything, conducted rather high risk sex possibly without protection, maybe didn't even tell each other their real names, and didn't have any intention on ever seeing them again, yet lied about that desire for short term fun...
...and its people like THIS that want to slander porn stars and disrespect sex workers as morally and/or sexually unclean?
The hypocrisy would be laughable, if it wasn't so widespread, malicious and baseless... on top of being foolish beyond comprehension.
Assumption 3.
Porn stars & sex workers don't value themselves and/or were abused, so that's why they are doing sex work, and their families must be ashamed of them.
To deny the autonomous choice of hundreds of thousands of grown adults all over the age of 18 that all must sign 2257 legal documentation, plus show two pieces of government I.D., as well as doctor's-approved clean STI testing, is, as I said, downright ridiculous beyond articulation.
The judgmental stigmatization around sexuality is slowly, painfully, creatively and controversially being eradicated on a variety of levels in North America and other forward-thinking societies, from the steamy plots of new age TV shows like 'The Sopranos', 'The L Word', 'Californication', 'Masters of Sex', 'True Blood', 'Game of Thrones', 'Queer as Folk' and back to 'Sex and the City', which all have done impressive work in helping normalize sex, nudity and sexuality to the masses on levels of awareness unknown and rarely explored in the 80's or 90's.
Also through rare and various Hollywood movies like 'Boogie Nights', 'When Harry Met Sally', 'Secretary', 'Poetic Justice', 'Love Jones', 'The Notebook', 'How Stella Got Her Groove Back', 'Love and Basketball', '50 Shades of Grey' (ugh) and some imported gems like 'Blue is the Warmest Color', 'Nymphomaniac', 'Y Tu Mama Tambien' and 'Love', amongst many others, modern cinema has opened the average person's mind in general, to nontraditional types of love, new age relationships and sex itself not being the one-way ticket to some supposed burning lake of fire...
...which, strangely, is the fundamental reason WHY every single one of us has manifest a destiny on the planet earth: because. our. parents. were. having. sex!
I say all this to say: do you think the actors and actresses parents feel like those actors and actresses don't value themselves? Does Scarlett Johannsen not value herself because she does a movie like 'Under the Skin'? Does Halle Berry not value herself because she did a sex scene like the one with Billy Bob Thornton in 'Monster's Ball'? How about Monica Belluci, and her shockingly realistic rape scene in 'Irreversible', does her doing that scene mean she hates herself and wants to abuse herself, like any other porn star or sex worker that gets paid to act out a hardcore scene?
Where does the line start or stop?
Well, there actually is no line between any genre, except for the one in anyone's mind.
To think that actors aren't also whores or that whores aren't also actors, is to completely misunderstand showbiz, the entertainment industry, and sexuality itself.
The adage "sluts give it away, whores get paid for it" is a gross exaggeration of the basic sexual contract in North American society, but...it's kinda true.
And I don't judge either one for getting pleasure, or getting paid for pleasure!
I humbly suggest you do the same.
And honestly, whether or not their families and friends are ashamed of them:
as long as they are being safe and consensual, who gives a darn what anyone else thinks?
Unless girls are being coerced and manipulated into porn, which does happen sadly, I won't deny (but doesn't the National Army, the fashion industry & professional sports industry all recruit naive, young people under semi-suspicious circumstances as well?) then opinions are like sphincters without enough lube: something that should stay closed tight.
I will confess personally, it's pretty helpful to have my mother actually supportive of my porn career as well as my nude modeling, but my biological father isn't supportive at all, yet: I couldn't care less about his opinion!
I will sleep wonderful at night knowing that I have a marvelous scene planned tomorrow with a divinely sacred person, where the BDSM, aggressive kink and dominant scenes we have planned are well within our boundaries as responsible adults playing sexy games with each other.
I wasn't abused as a child, I love myself beyond measure, my family knows all about my porn career, and supports me doing safe sex work for as long as I want to.
Which is:
for the rest of my natural born life, thank you very much, and you're welcome!
Assumption 4.
That you are not, and never have been, in any way connected to anyone in the sex industry, and that you
"don't associate with people like that"
Reality check: considering how many women and other people are silent about their (possibly temporary) careers in the sex industry, or simply have a second life they don't reveal, I would gamble on the unknown statistics being somewhere around maybe 2 or 3 out of 10 men going their whole sexual life NOT ever having any kind of sexual or intimate engagement with a person that had some sort of sex work/porn employment in their own life.
The amount of girls that were strippers to get through college, or did some camgirl work on the side, or was a prostitute temporarily (and maybe still is occasionally), or did some nude modeling for a source of income while going to university, amongst countless other possibilities, cannot be quantified.
Nor judged.
Just happily assume that one of your best fantasies in your life might have occurred because they were a professional, and you just happened to get lucky somehow...
Assumption 5.
That sex work or pornography can be eradicated by government legislation, or that pornography can be controlled by religious doctrine and moral decree.
As the timeless saying goes: "Prostitution is the world's oldest profession". In 2017, it's absolutely, probably, and truly finally about time people grow up and accept it's not going anywhere.
At all!
Accept this instead: some people want to expose themselves to the incomprehensibly vast diversity of activity in the world, while others just don't have the same level of ambition.
Neither one is right or wrong for wanting what (and who) they want to do.
Some people want to deep sea dive with underwater lifeforms off the shores of Madagascar, others don't.
Some people want to jump out of airplanes and skydive then parachute, some don't.
Some people want to fix cars, some don't.
Some people want to cook gourmet meals in expensive restaurants with exotic ingredients, some don't.
Some people want to research the newest advances in microbiology in a clinical laboratory, some don't.
Some people want to kiss, lick, suck, and have sex with other people to their heart's content, some people don't.
Life is better when you can balance yourself in the midst of such divergent possibilities of playful personal adventure on earth, and find what works for you without needing to impose your values and desires on anyone else's values and desires, whether it's your family, your friends, enemies or strangers... and probably most importantly, your lovers and sex partners in life!
Negotiation and balance becomes different.
Conversation, compromise and communication becomes different.
Controlling others choices is never cool, unless you're protecting your own child, and even at a certain point, that becomes corrupting.
Caring about someone being safe while they go make their wildest dreams come true is way more cool.
And the President, the Prime Minister and the Pope have sexual standards that you need NOT emulate, unless you want to be one of them, or work in those career paths.
Follow your own codes, beliefs & laws, as you follow your own heart towards your purpose and pleasure in life and love.
Taking a journey like that, while not making any of these assumptions
about any of the sex workers and porn stars you enjoy seeing publicly or
even indulging in these days, will usher you to a wonderful level of
empathy, compassion and understanding of both business and pleasure on the
professional level, as well as just respecting humanity properly.
Begin removing these archaic ignorant notions amongst & about others, and
THEN you can safely make the assumption that you're part of the solutions
in sex, not part of the problems stopping the potential of you producing as
many wonderful memories as possible in your own spectacular love and sex
life. A beautiful love & sex life is truly paradise.
Sincerely yours,
Adhimu Stewart aka Malcolm Lovejoy,
Professional Love Maker
Malcolm Lovejoy (musician/journalist/activist/porn star/sex educator/human being) is the porn star of the future. A renaissance man like no other in adult entertainment, he is a romantic enthusiast on levels that would make Casanova proud. His feminist-focused approach to all things pornographic pushes his work into a category unlike most men in porn, as Malcolm's passion for providing multi-orgasmic satisfaction for his partners before spending time trying to give a money shot, his unparalleled oral skills, tender touch and ultra-athletic action-packed sex style makes Malcolm's porn a beautiful vision to behold for everyone lucky enough to see it! And in his first 2 years of filming, he has explored a wide variety of adult content, from heterosexual pleasure, to bondage & submissive play, female ejaculation scenes, solo masturbation, transgender scenes, sci-fi sex, pornographic music videos, and so much more. With over 50 scenes filmed thus far, and more on the way, his plans for 2017 and beyond are nothing but bring more of Malcolm Lovejoy's boundless beauty and sacred sexuality to the world for all people to be endlessly educated and entertained by...
If you want to know more, just ask me!
Email: [email protected]
Twitter: mindbendermind
Facebook: Dr. Malcolm Jackson Lovejoy
Past Articles From Malcolm:
http://www.franktalks.com/blog/5-tips-for-women-for-dating-a-male-porn-star
Your Choices Today Become The Past
You Have To Share Tomorrow
By Frank Kermit
Young adults tend to discount how the choices they make today will impact their futures tomorrow. At least, when it comes to relationships.
The best example of this is the young adults who are swayed to enter into the world of the sex trade.
These 18-23 year olds are convinced that what they do today just to make enough money to get by will not be something that affects their futures.
Sometimes it is people within the industries that try to convince potential porn stars and exotic dancers how no one will ever recognize their faces in the future.
Sometimes it is the young adults themselves who rationalize that since they do not have any aspirations to form a public career that the chances of this being used against them are nil.
However, that is simply not the case.
Stories of former porn stars losing their jobs as high school teachers are real.
When their past catches up with them in the hands of underage students who have passed around sex videos of the teacher through their phones, there is very little a teacher can do.
Even when the former porn stars in question are ready to handle the ordeal of having every one of those students knowing such intimate images of the teacher, it may not matter.
The school administration and sometimes the parents of the students as well, may demand that the teacher be fired anyway.
Stories of former exotic dancers or escort service providers, running into past clients at boardroom meetings are real.
Does it matter that a university student put themselves through school with sex trade work and independently earned that entry-level executive position?
To some it may not matter at all.
To others, it could matter a great deal,
and enough so that it could be an obstacle on a personal career path.
The best advice anyone can give to a young adult is to remind him or her that even if they have no interest in a career that could be affect by their choices today, or even if they do not plan to be parents, over the course of a lifetime, things can change very dramatically.
No one can predict exactly how things are going to change and turn out.
As a young adult, you may not really care about the consequences of your actions…but the older adult you become may feel differently about it.
With all that said, I want to be fair
...and state that there actually are a number of sex trade workers that are more than happy doing what they are doing, do so proudly and are willing to admit it and accept the fact that this part of their lives will follow them forever.
Those who have the best grasp of this are those that fully accept the consequences of their past (and possible present) career choices.
That means that they acknowledge the good elements (the hours, the pay) and are forthright about the bad elements (bad clients, discrimination, possible unsafe working conditions).
An insider on the porno industry once told me that many of the flight-by-night starlets that disappear after a handful of appearances end up living very normal quiet lives as married soccer moms.
They also live with the fear that someone who knows them may find their obscure videos, recognize them, and threaten their new life with it.
If you have a past that might threaten your future, the best things you can do about it is be honest with your future long-term partner and check out if they also can accept it, and handle the potential consequences.
If you are getting into a serious relationship with someone, to the point where you are thinking about getting married, then you must consider putting your fiancé through the ultimate test before he or she becomes your spouse.
Think of your deepest, darkest, most horrible thing that you did in your past that you make it a point not to tell anyone.
If you think that sharing that experience would cause your fiancé not to marry you then you have a choice.
Take the chance and tell them anyway knowing you might lose your relationship, or do not get married and end the relationship altogether.
The truth about all our pasts has a funny way of surfacing, and at the worst possible times.
At some point it is very likely that your future spouse is going to be made aware of elements from your past.
The best thing you can do is prepare your spouse-to-be with whatever it is that someone might try to use against you and your family.
It is better your future spouse hears it from you before it becomes an issue that could threaten your future children.
Whether it is bullies in the schoolyard that taunt your kids with proof of your past, or extortionists who would seek to blackmail you by threatening to reveal your scary secret,
being honest with your soon-to-be spouse is the best way to build a foundation for a relationship that will withstand any outside force that attempts to destroy you.
Frank Kermit
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Humiliation Kink
by AnnaBel Joseph
Humiliation is one of those hot button kinks that no one seems to feel equivocal about. Most kinky romance readers either love it or hate it. I know I used humiliation pretty liberally in some of my books. (see the titles of Comfort Object, Mercy, and Club Mephisto)
In writing this post, I wanted to get the input of someone who really loved the kink of humiliation in order to give everyone the most positive view of the loving, smexy side of this fetish. I asked my friend "Baby Firefly" for an interview since I think she's a real expert on the emotional side of this topic. I hope you enjoy her wonderful responses!
Annabel: Thanks a lot for agreeing to talk to us today about humiliation. I find this is a widely misunderstood fetish, so first things first. Could you give us your explanation of what humiliation kink is? Baby Firefly: You’re welcome, Annabel. I think you’re right about it being a misunderstood fetish. Hopefully I can shed some light on it. Note: for the sake of ease, and so I don’t tear out my hair, I’m just going to use dom and sub in this interview. No offense is intended by this. |
Erotic humiliation is where one derives sexual arousal, pleasure, or what have you, from being demeaned or degraded by another person. As I see it, this particular fetish is largely psychological in nature, and because of the potential for emotional harm, I would definitely classify it as edge play.
This fetish widely varies from person to person. For instance, being called names like slut or whore can be humiliating and even damaging to one person, but another may take no issue with it. The key is for the dom to have good insight to the sub’s psyche. I think humiliation works best between players who know each other very well.
Annabel: Were you always turned on by humiliation, or was it something that a partner got you into? Baby Firefly: I wasn’t always turned on by it. I was one of those people who didn’t understand it. My owner is a sadist, and like most, he gets off on inflicting emotional as well as physical pain. We hadn’t planned on exploring it. It just sort of happened. We did a scene involving pet play and discovered that we both really got off on the humiliating aspects of it. After that, we began exploring it more in depth. |
Baby Firefly: We’ve been together for nine years now and know each other really well. For us, communication has been crucial in making it work. Before we moved forward with the edgier side of humiliation, we had a long discussion about where the boundaries were for me and for him. After a really intense and degrading scene, we talk about it. The sexual component is only half of it. Processing the emotions it brings up is part of the aftercare. Sometimes I need that, and other times I don’t. The bonus is that not only does it bring us closer, but talking about it always makes for hot conversation.
Annabel: Why do you think so many romance readers dislike humiliation, even consensual/desired humiliation scenes between people in love? Is it due to misunderstanding of the kink? Do you think there is a stigma against it? Do you ever feel stigmatized for enjoying it? Baby Firefly: As women we’re bombarded with feminism, equality, empowerment. Humiliation opposes the societal norms we’re raised with. It’s been drilled into our heads that that type of treatment is wrong, abusive even. Romantic fiction is largely based on fantasy. And while readers can stretch their boundaries by enjoying things like dominance and submission, it’s difficult for them to take that a step further with humiliation. It makes them uncomfortable and it’s hard for them to sexualize it even when it’s the heroine who desires it. |
Annabel: This is very personal, but can you share a humiliation scene you participated in that really moved you? Or a humiliation scene in a romance book that you thought was really written well? Baby Firefly: Well, since posting a very personal scene for all to see would be its own form of humiliation, how can I say no? I’ll leave you with one of my journal entries. Thanks for having me here at Kinky Ever After, Annabel. |
A Slut Goes to the Store
Sounds like the first line of a joke right? So not a joke. This weekend I was treated to taste of mild public humiliation. My owner wrote SLUT on my calf in huge letters in black marker. Not so bad right? That's what I thought until he sent me to the corner store at 5:30 PM on a Friday.
The mindgame of it all was that it was written in washable marker. I could have very easily wiped it off before I went in to make my purchase. But at what cost? I don't particularly like being caned, so as much as I hated it, as humiliated as I was, the word had to stay.
I contemplated how I would play this out on the drive up. Would I try to stand with one leg in front of the other, attempting to hide it and in effect sharing my humiliation and embarrassment with the other patrons? Or would I stand there bold as brass and smirk at anyone who dared to look or whisper? |
I ended up pretending that it wasn't there. Yes, I reverted back to my typical coping mechanism. I slipped it on like a skin, remembering how it felt all those years ago in high school.
Cold. Frozen. Above.
I still heard a few whispers. I felt the stares of the guys who stood behind me buying their twelve pack of Busch Lite on their way home from work. I heard them, but would I ever let that show? Not me.
I smiled at myself on the drive home, proud that I'd endured this little humiliation. But the ice crumbled when I saw my owner. He knows how I work. He can see through the layers of ice. The humiliation came crashing down on me full force as he asked me to tell him every little detail.
As I sat in the chair with SLUT glaring at me from my leg, I was so wet that I could barely stand it. Of course like the sadist he is, he let me marinate in that humiliation for a few hours before he gave me the release I so desperately wanted. I loved every minute of this little task. My face is burning and my clit is throbbing as I sit here and type this. Yes, oh yes. I am a slut. |
Many many thanks to Baby Firefly for agreeing to shed light on this often misunderstood form of kinky play, and for sharing such a thoughtful, heartfelt journal entry.
So, how do you all (the Franktalks.com/Blog readers) feel about humiliation in your BDSM romance? Like, dislike, depends on the situation? Have you ever read a scene in a book that was humiliating and yet hot?
-Annabel Joseph
http://annabeljoseph.com/
| |
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Athlete and Vixen: Making of a Pole Dancer - Part II
by Melanie Lynch
I last posted about Pole dancing being a sport and that not all Pole dancers are strippers but I asked the question ‘what is so wrong with stripping anyway?’
When I started Pole dancing I found that I would get so frustrated with everyone implying I was a stripper. As years went by I started participating in more shows and met so many great women.
They were all out there trying to be brave, showing up in small costumes and hoping they would put on a performance. Some of these fantastic women were almost naked and some were actually stripping. I marvelled at them and loved them for the courage on stage but quickly learned that although they were strong on stage backstage they were nervous balls of energy getting their courage up and trying to remember their routines.
I discovered that there really was
nothing different between them and me.
So once again, let’s start at the beginning. When I started my Pole journey, I went to my first class and I was wearing full-length leggings and a tank top. To me this was revealing.
As we progressed I needed to climb and so the leggings changed to shorts. I learned to hold the Pole between my legs (yes, I am aware of how that sounded) and the shorts got a lot smaller.
Then the ultimate thing happened, I started to flip upside down and needed to position the Pole across my abdomen.
So my tank tops needed to turn into a crop top or sports bra. Let me tell you, after you have had three children, your first instinct is not to show off the stomach area.
As I stood there, I had to fight the urge to cover my stomach with my hands. But Pole is so much more than exercise.
It’s a community.
A loving, welcoming community that encourages women to not apologize for the way they look.
These ladies push you to grow, express yourself and be bold!
At the same time as I started attending Pole shows,
I also started going to Burlesque shows.
The first time I went to one, I was completely blown away. I had never seen anything like it.
These women came out with the most amazing, decadent, creative costumes and performed with such sublime beauty that it took my breath away.
They were stripping but the show was more than just removing their clothes, it was a celebration of beauty, whether it was the movement, the costumes or the woman themselves, it was simply beautiful.
I had the privilege to watch one performer named Coco Framboise who came on stage wearing the massive fur boa which she slowly undressed behind.
It was a cheeky tease because you would only see glimpses of her caramel skin behind the white softness of the fluffy boa. She was mesmerizing and the crowd absolutely loved her. There’s nothing like the crowds at these shows. The first thing you notice about these crowds is that they consist largely of women and these women scream, shout and catcall the performers in encouragement.
They show their appreciation for what is happening on stage. I was drawn to try this too and so signed up for the Coco Framboise School of Burlesque.
I wanted to learn how to exude
that kind of confidence and beauty.
Burlesque and Pole have so much in common. They celebrate the beauty, power and courage of women and all are welcome. It doesn’t matter if you 18 or 80, it doesn’t matter what size you are and it doesn’t matter if you’re a gymnast or dancer or have two left feet. All that matters is that you’re out there expressing yourself, enjoying life and no matter what happens; the community will always be there to cheer and scream. Of course, some of those who are not exposed to the beauty of these worlds look upon from the outside in judgment. |
I once read one of those Facebook postcards that said something like “some women feel empowered by covering themselves while others by taking their clothes off, who are we to judge” and it spoke to me.
There’s a lot of criticism about women taking their clothes off or objectifying themselves and I won’t go into all their arguments here.
You can’t take two steps without running into their voices and you can go read about it yourselves.
There’s something to me that just doesn’t fit about this mindset.
- Firstly, not everything is about men. Sometimes we do things for ourselves. Imagine, going out there and feeling beautiful and powerful in an alternate existence than your everyday life. We spend huge amounts of time and energy as good mothers, wives, daughters and business people every day sometimes it is nice to step out of that world and in to one where we can feel free and be bold.
- Secondly, there are barely any men in the audience we usually just perform for each other.
- Thirdly, there are usually men behind the scenes telling us not to do that. Trying to own our bodies and telling us what to do. This is us telling them ‘forget you’.
- Lastly, most of the time women don’t feel powerful or beautiful in our everyday lives and we are often reminded that we are not the girls portrayed in the magazines. WE need to find that feeling for ourselves and Pole helps some of us to get to that mindset but still there are some people that keep telling us we are wrong. I want to say that we are not wrong!
WE are strong and determined.
We do not want to be told anything about ourselves anymore.
We own our lives, our bodies and the way we choose express ourselves.
You are not qualified to judge me or others who enjoy this activity.
This is our choice.
Why is it wrong to be us? We are not hurting you or ourselves.
In fact we are having fun and life should be fun.
Maybe no one will understand what we are trying to do and that’s ok but all I ask is that the judgment stop, and that you just sit back and enjoy the show since we have worked hard to pull it together!
If you think I am crazy and wrong, well that’s ok too because I have a whole community of women that are there with me cheering me on and supporting me every step of the way and I really didn’t choose to do it for you anyway.
To read Part 1 of this series,
http://www.franktalks.com/blog/-athlete-and-vixen-the-making-of-a-pole-dancer
Author Melanie Lynch started pole dancing seven years ago for fun and exercise. Eventually, she became a Certified Pole Instructor with the Canadian Pole Fitness Association (CPFA) and began teaching all levels of students. After a few years of dancing, she started performing for audiences. In 2016 Melanie decided to enter competitions. She made it into the Ontario Pole Fitness Champion, in the Masters Category and finished 1st runner –up. She trains at Pole Fit Nation. Canadian Pole Fitness Association Pole Fit Nation |
How To Convince My Spouse To Become BDSM
By Master Pierre
One question that is asked more and more is:
"How do I convince my spouse to get into BDSM ?"
The first few times we received that question, it was from submissive men wanting to convince their wives to become their Domme.
But lately, we had that question from women wanting their husbands to become BDSM player as Dom or submissive.
The answer we give all of them is the same.
The need for BDSM is personal and cannot be "taught".
People within the BDSM lifestyle usually had to evolve toward what they are in BDSM and to learn about their own needs.
Trying to "make" someone who has no BDSM interest whatsoever into a Dom, Top, Bottom, submissive (what have you) is nearly impossible.
However! Many men and women have sexual fantasies. It is possible to use these fantasies as an exchange. If your fantasy is to submit, maybe your partner's fantasy is different but you may help him or her to fulfill that fantasy, your spouse might help you experience your fantasy! The discussion with your spouse is very important! |
Often, during BDSM events, we meet people, men and women, that have a vanilla spouse that cannot satisfy their BDSM needs, but are their life partner with whom they are very much in love.
These people go "outside" their relationship to find a partner for their "other" needs and they do this with the acceptance of their spouse.
How do they do it?
They negotiate the limits of what they can do with their spouse.
Within these limits, anything can be included; when to do it (you may go to your BDSM partner when the kids are at their grand parents once a month) or it could be sexual limits (anything goes, but no intercourse). Limits are different from couple to couple and the discussion (negotiation) is very important. |
BDSM is based on a consensual relationship.
To force someone to become involved in BDSM is NOT consensual and will create huge tensions within the couple.
It is widely known that during a public party, if you approach somebody new to play with, if that person says no, no means no and you must not insist. The same goes for your spouse, if they say no, no means no.
There is always the possibility of having a hidden BDSM relationship with someone and keep it secret from your spouse, but that is something between you and your conscience. But here is some food for thought: You all know that BDSM is based on trust. How will you convince a potential BDSM partner that you can be trusted....if you are already lying to your spouse? |
AUTHOR BIO:
The BDSM Circle is led by Pierre and Catharine. They live as a couple with values that include Domination and Submission as way of life for them. Pierre is a Dominant while Catharine also a Dominant is aka "Katy" who is Pierre`s Submissive; and together they oversea a small group of Submissives. They also have a bilingual website called BDSMCircle.com. Catharine and Pierre are featured as part of the 2004 season of the award winning television series KINK. Today they are featured on CJAD 800 AM radio on the Dr Laurie Betito show monthly feature 50 shades of passion. Learn more about them at their website http://www.bdsmcircle.net/
of an interview Frank Kermit did many years ago with The BDSM Circle
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Burlesque entertainment can be interpreted as ridicule, extravagant, sexy and daunting.
Late Latin: burra "trifle, nonsense," literally "flock of wool."
French: burlesque 1660s, "derisive imitation, grotesque parody,"
Italian: burlesco, from burla "joke, fun, mockery,"
THE MODERN USE OF THE WORD BURLESQUE
Originally (1857) "the sketches at the end of minstrel shows."
American English (1870) "variety show featuring striptease"
Online Etymology Dictionary, © 2010 Douglas Harper
And while our stunning performers set the perfect example for that: self-acceptance, freedom and wild abandon, you are all invited to join our movement.
Don’t just watch Burlesque. BE Burlesque!
Author
Frank Mondeose is the owner of Monde Osé is which is a lifestyle brand focused on promoting the understanding and enjoyment of life, love and sensuality.
Their mission is to offer distinguished sexy entertainment and seduce our audience while maintaining a classy high end product.
I am 43 years old, married to a great man, have a really good job at a medical company and I have three beautiful daughters aged 8, 11 and 15. I grew up in the suburbs, was a good girl and went to a top school and graduated with a great education. So why would I be a pole dancer? I mean isn’t that like a stripper? The answer is simple but still complex; yes it is and no it’s not.
Let me start at the beginning. I decided to go to a class because I really like dancing and I was a stay at home mom who felt like the walls were closing in on me. I couldn’t really find a dance class that seemed right for me and I signed up for a six week session thinking it was a very limited commitment. I was very nervous and told no one what I was doing. It was a small class and we worked on building strength in our arms, so let me tell you we women do not work on this! Holding myself up for 5 seconds was an impossible task and I could never imagine doing a whole song. After that we would work on a trick or a move and I loved it. It was gymnastics for adults with dance moves to tie it all together. It was so much fun. We women would go, laugh at ourselves because the attempts to get these moves can be pretty hilarious and we would get some exercise. Let me say a word about the exercise part. I never, ever felt like I was working out. I was going to class just to have fun but suddenly my body transformed. I built beautiful shoulders, muscled back and arms and eventually even started getting some pretty decent abs. That’s how it started, my little class where I laughed and got fit and danced. I loved it, but it’s pole dancing….
Telling people you are a pole dancer is very interesting. There’s a very definite reaction. It’s not like telling someone you teach yoga. They try to be cool and supportive and you get a lot of people saying ‘cool … umm that looks hard’. This is usually where I respond ‘it is!’ and start telling people how hard it is and the core strength one needs and how hard we all train. I want to say for the record pole fitness/dancing is as much a sport and fitness endeavor as anything out there. We all cross train and work extremely hard to master the moves and tricks. At the end of the day, this is gymnastics. We suffer broken bones, concussions and bruises, Oh the bruises! The horrified looks you get when people see the bruises when you’re training for a competition are amazing. The next time you see a woman wearing long sleeves and pants in the middle of summer she may just be a pole dancer. Pole dancers work on muscle building, coordination, flexibility and balance. A lot goes into these routines. There’s performance, musicality, costume and creative concept as well as defying gravity with strength and skill. We also have to make it look easy. No judge wants to see you gasping for breath at the end of your routine. So why would you not think this is a sport? The Canadian Pole Fitness Association (CPFA) holds regular competitions that have required elements for every level. There are strict guidelines about costume and what can and can’t be done. The women and men that compete are athletes plain and simple. Several pole organizations are making great strides in getting the IOC to recognize pole as an Olympic sport.
There’s always one thing that hangs over our heads though…it’s a pole. Strippers use them. The routines can be sexy and typically there are barely any clothes worn. Let me set the record straight pole requires skin contact on the pole to hold yourself, otherwise you slip. If you plan to take your hands off the pole then the clothes will become smaller. There’s no difference than wearing a bathing suit or a gymnastic leotard. Sexy is a much harder thing to address. In the beginning I would always say that dancing and expressing yourself in that way leads to body movement than can beautiful and sexy. Almost all dances have that element built into it, and pole dance is no different. Does a person dancing the tango or the rumba carry the stigma of a pole dancer? I still believe this wholeheartedly but I hate that when I say that I sound like I am trying to distance myself from women who dance in an erotic manner and even those who take off their clothes. You can certainly be a pole dancer and really not at all relate to that world, but for all of us who so strip or are simply dipping our toe in it, then ‘HELL yes! Go for it girl!’ There’s nothing wrong with that but just because you pole dance it does not automatically mean you’re a stripper. But for me the question is ‘what so wrong with stripping anyway?’
AuthorMelanie Lynch started pole dancing seven years ago for fun and exercise. Eventually, she became a Certified Pole Instructor with the Canadian Pole Fitness Association (CPFA) and began teaching all levels of students. After a few years of dancing, she started performing for audiences. In 2016 Melanie decided to enter competitions. She made it into the Ontario Pole Fitness Champion, in the Masters Category and finished 1st runner –up. She trains at Pole Fit Nation. |
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