The 7 Weird Words That Help Define Relationships
 By Frank Kermit
 

There are 7 certain words that catch many people off guard when it comes to relationships.


They are: Lust, Love, Sex, Dating, Commitment, Marriage, and Monogamy. At their most literal meanings, these commonly used words are very understandable. Intellectually, most people have no problem grasping their mental understanding of those words.

 
Lust can be defined as the sexual desire that someone may experience when attracted to someone. To enjoy lust even better check out Now What? Unique Ways to Cater To her Sexual ENA

 
Love can be defined as an emotional attachment someone feels for another person. To make someone full in love with you learn to master their emotional needs.

 
Sex is a physical act between people and usually refers to the act of intercourse. If you never had sex, talk to me about how to lose your virginity.

 
Dating can be understood to refer to the process of two people spending time together with a romantic intention. Check out the NEW rules of dating.

 
Commitment is an obligation that you make a promise to fulfill. There are ways to check if your relationship is commitment ready.

 
Marriage can be considered a legal status you enter to define your legal standing with another individual. Before you get married, sign up for marital coaching.

 
Monogamy is a term to describe a dynamic where you have sex with only one particular person and refuse to have sex with others.  Learn the basics of monogamy and non-monogamy.
 

The issue with these particular words is that people may directly associate a word on the above list to be the equivalent of one, or more, of the others words.
 
Even though we can define each word differently, we may make emotional connections with these particular words that cause us to substitute one word on the list for the other words.
 
For example, a person may feel that marriage is the exact same thing as monogamy. A person may feel that having sex with someone means having someone's love. A person may even feel that simply dating someone for a few casual coffee dates automatically implies a deep commitment. A person may assume that the more lusty attraction they feel for someone, the more they are in love with that person.

This is what makes these certain 7 words intriguingly weird. These words, which intellectually can be understood to be clear and separate, get muddled through multiple shades of gray on deeper emotional levels.
 
It is the realistic person that does not assume commitment when dating, until that commitment is earned and publicly stated. It is the emotionally mature lover that grasps that having sex or lust for someone is not necessarily an expression of any loving attachment beyond the attraction nor physical act. It is the millions of happily married couples in the swinger lifestyle who will attest that being married does not equate monogamy.
 
The understanding that each of these words is unique and separate from the other words is a key ingredient to the beginning stages of getting your love life in order. It is a part of the self-actualization process and achieving clarity in relationships that a person must come to terms that each word does not mean exactly the same thing as any of those other words.
 
One of the best ways to fully grasp this first step concept is to ask yourself if you can experience any one of those terms, without experiencing any other of those terms. For example, is it possible to be in a marriage that is devoid of lust, love, sex, having dated, commitment, or monogamy? The answer of course is yes.
 
There are loveless marriages, sexless marriages, arranged marriages that never involved dating, marriages of convenience where the couple are married but simply are not commitment to each other beyond some kind of materialist exchange, and there are married couples that are non-monogamous where the couple, individually or together as a couple, engage in open consensual sex with other people.
 
This is not about infidelity nor cheating, as there is neither deception nor lying, as both partners of the couple are involved and consenting in the extra-marital sex. Marriage can exist completely independently of all those other terms.
 
This is an example of the clarity that is required to properly handle your relationship mismanagement behaviors. If you want to fully figure out where you might be making incorrect word associations when it comes to your relationship expectations, go through each word and write out if the one word could exist without any of the other words in association. This exercise can be a revelation to some people, and reality shattering for others.
 
You must never assume that other people will interpret those 7 words the same way you do; that is what makes them weird. These words are some of the most commonly misunderstood words when wrangling with relationships, and at the same time these are the same words that are significantly used in correlations to define what is a relationship.
 
If you want to learn more about how to understand and master your dating and relationship skills: Learn more about self awareness and self actualization by checking out the coaching workbooks

For Men:  I'M A MAN THAT'S MY JOB WORKBOOK EBOOK

For Women: 
I'M A WOMAN, IT'S MY TIME EBOOK

Learn the Complete  The Emotional Needs Mastery System


Check out the Benefits of COACHING Video

Tantra Sex …Squirrel!
by Viktoria,
Self-Empowerment Coach & Sacred Sensuality Tantra Teacher
 
Tantra Sex …visions of entwined bodies in ecstasy.
 
Feeding upon each others energetic being. Burning passion residing, riding, acquiescing. Table for two. Please and thank, you. Perceived misconception of what is envisioned, seduced by this bright shiny object of lustful positions… squirrel!
 
 
There are a few versions of what Tantra Sex is.
 

One version in the Western world describes this dynamic “word duo” as incredible mind blowing, long lasting, firm sex. The kind of sex that is known as epic-euphoric! The ability to become multi-orgasmic. A carved-out time and space where you experience rolling waves of passionate physical pleasure, that last for hours.
 

The other version describes Tantra Sex as a spiritual oneness, sex as medicine, a healing modality, designed to transform human consciousness, to remove the veils of suffering, to become enlightened, a lifestyle path of yoga, the ability to weave light, sound, with form. Mindful awareness within a relaxed focus of your energy and physical body as one. Choosing to create conscious sacred sensual and sexual connection with yourself, another, and the universe.
 
 
Is one right and the other wrong?
 
The answer is, YES to the two versions described.
 
There is a catch. They are part of the same coin.
 
Taught individually to each person; masculine and feminine formed bodies. Each one mastering their mindful awareness, learning to weave light, sound, and form together on their own with meditation, movement of form; breath, energy, and pleasure. This in turn allows for you to make magic happen on your own first and then you are ready to jam and make different magic with another.
 
 
It’s the 21st century and we continue to be conditioned by certain models of sex; The first version of Tantra played up to entice and seduce you into the quick fix. Leaving you, feeling empty and alone, playing out “the never satisfied” loop.
 
Be inquisitive, curious, have the spirit of wonder and seek out the right Tantra for you. It must resonate with your sense of who you are and where you want to be.
 
I lean towards the entire package of Tantra as the benefits out way one side of the coin versus the other.
 
Do you want to be open to the possibilities of having your cake and eating too?
 
Break through blocks to bliss and enjoy a more ecstatic orgasmic state of being. Learn to remove blocks to your bliss. Cultivate sexual energy to expand your health, connection, and intimacy with self and other. Nourish your life force energy and consciously embody your heart and mind.
 
Experience more pleasure, presence, and passion in all areas of your life. Tap into your sexual healing energy. Release and transmute that which does not serve you. Become a more confident lover. Improve the quality of intimacy with yourself and partner. Weave the sensual, sexual and sacred into your everyday. Feel more connected to yourself, other and life itself in Techni-colour and surround sound.
 
Welcome and be celebrated on your Tantra path.
 
Viktoria of Playfulloving.com
Self-Empowerment Coach & Sacred Sensuality Tantra Teacher

This is a contributed post.

What is a Relationship?
By Frank Kermit
 
Over the years, I have been asked a number of times "What is a Relationship?"

This is a harder question to answer than most people think.

In my experience, everyone has a different idea and definition of what a relationship is, because we all have different expectations of what it means to be in, and have, the relationship we have always wanted. Part of my job as a coach is not to tell a person what a relationship is, but to help that person figure out their own definition of what a relationship is for themselves by having them identify and come to terms with their expectations (realistic and non-realistic), boundaries and the kind of lifestyle that they can handle.
 
So, defining what a relationship is, is not easy.
 
What is doable is defining what a relationship is not. In eliminating what a relationship is not, it helps people figure out what a relationship actually is or more specifically, what a relationship is in their informed opinion.
 
An additional step in understanding what a relationship is, is coming to terms with the idea that just having a relationship is not enough. It must be a relationship that is on some level emotionally healthy, which addresses your particular healthy emotional needs. A dysfunctional relationship is still a relationship, but that alone does not make it something to seek out and stay in -just because- it is a relationship.
 
A relationship is not an unconditional love where everything is forgiven and tolerated even if it crosses your personal boundaries and violates your emotional needs. A relationship with someone who treats you in a manner that hurts you (physically, mentally or emotionally) that is not a healthy relationship. Just because you love someone, does not mean you accept behavior that hurts you.
 
That kind of unconditional love is not for your relationship partner. Reserve that kind of love for your children. Even then, unconditional love does not supersede the need for tough love that all children require to become contributing members to society.
 
Healthy unconditional love means that although you will still love someone regardless of what they do, you MUST continue to communicate clearly what you will and will not accept in terms of how you are to be treated and enforce your personal boundaries.

You can still love someone unconditionally even when you break up. It is not about how you feel...that is just one aspect of the whole picture of a relationship.

The beautiful part is that you always have the power to design whatever scene on the canvas of your life for your relationships to reflect.
 
A relationship is not unconditional-and-all-accepting-love, because when unconditional love is taken to an extreme it defies (not defines) what an emotionally healthy relationship can be for a person. It is just like forgiveness does not mean you give someone a chance to enter into a repeating behavior pattern to hurt you again and again; you forgive someone as a means for YOU to find closure, and not solely to heal the other person.
 
If you are struggling to decide what a relationship is, that is OK. You are just like the rest of us. That answer will come in the time it takes for you to know yourself and accept your self-actualization. In the meantime, start by identifying your personal parameters about what a relationship is not to begin your journey on the road to relationship recovery.

Learn more about self awareness and self actualization by checking out the coaching workbooks

For Men:  I'M A MAN THAT'S MY JOB WORKBOOK EBOOK

For Women: 
I'M A WOMAN, IT'S MY TIME EBOOK

Learn the Complete  The Emotional Needs Mastery System


Check out the Benefits of COACHING Video

Top 3 Reasons To Sleep With A Younger Man A-sap
Guest Post by Anna Jorgensen, Wingmam

An Older Woman Should Sleep With A Younger Man
—Here’s Why


Even after I managed to find a man who wanted to marry me with all my self-perceived physical—and real personality—flaws, I wasn’t yet over self-esteem so low you’d step on it.


Every woman has an area they feel “less than” about, whether it’s body image, financial status, smarts or sex appeal, we’ve all got something we wish was “better” about us.


It’s still commonly accepted for an older man to sleep with (or be with) a younger woman, but for an older woman to sleep with a younger man, well, there’s still a few hushed words heard over that role reversal.


My husband was 16 years older than me and a good man. He adored me. But…


In my case, I was so insecure--


How insecure?--


I was sooo insecure… I took the CD covers out of their cases if they contained a sexy woman’s image.


Celine Dion? Bye. Shania Twain? So gone!


I was sooo insecure that even after a dozen years with my husband I still felt uncomfortable getting undressed in front of him.


And even though my husband was, and still is, a good man, he couldn’t (and didn’t try) to “fix me.” I had to do that part. Ultimately, that part didn’t happen until after we divorced.


The next guy I met was 11 years younger than me and the model of fitness and hotness and, having let myself slide in the hot bod department during my marriage, I didn’t feel sexy at all.


For whatever reason, he desired me anyway.


At first I tried to think of all the reasons to sleep with a younger man, like if I could rationalize it to myself I’d somehow build confidence overnight.


But then I thought, “This was my do (him) or die” moment.


I was at the climax (pun) of my own movie where I could step up and become the heroine—or slink back to the rest of my life feeling like a loser.


I said, “F’ it!” and went for it. Him.


I acted “as if” I was secure and hot and worthy and sexy AF.


I got naked in the middle of the day in broad daylight.


I didn’t body shame myself or restrict my movements to hide my flaws.


I didn’t ask for validation and I didn’t make apologies.


And doing this was one of the first and biggest steps I took to conquering low self-esteem.


Now, I’m Wonder Woman, at least in my own mind, no longer wondering if I’m good enough but instead courageous and empowered—plus there’s the whole cape accessory!


So, if you’ve ever wondered why an older woman should sleep with a younger man…


Top 3 Reasons An Older Woman Should Sleep With A Younger Man A-sap

1.     Virility. Bam! As in: bam, bam, thank you ma’am.
2.     Boosts naked-self esteem.
3.     Teach a young dog some new tricks.

If you feel so inclined, just do it (him)!


Anna Jorgensen is a dating coach for men in Vancouver, Canada and founder of www.Wingmam.com. She offers online programs (for men and women) on how to understand the opposite sex, get sexy and find love.

Tribute to Bill Paxton 1955-2017

I liked Bill Paxton as an actor. He was known for many roles in many iconic movies such as The Terminator (1984), Weird Science (1985), Aliens (1986), Predator 2 (1990), True Lies (1994), Apollo 13 (1995), Twister (1996), and Titanic (1997).

But it was the TV show Big Love that solidified my fandom of Bill Paxton.

Big Love is an American television drama series with the intent of creating a fair, non-judgmental portrayal of polygamy in America that aired on HBO between March 2006 and March 2011. The show is about a fictional fundamentalist Mormon family in Utah that practices polygamy.  Big Love was a success for HBO, running for five seasons before concluding its run on March 20, 2011.  It is one of the few TV series that my wife and I own on DVD.

Big Love received widespread critical acclaim, and earned several major awards and nominations throughout its run. The series left behind a legacy as one of television's most complex studies of American family life. It has been the subject of seminal pieces in top academic journals, including the Columbia Law Review, Law and Contemporary Problems, and Michigan Journal of Gender & Law. Several publications listed the series' first three seasons as among the best television of the decade 2000-09, and its final season ranked among the best-reviewed scripted series of 2011.

Although the story lines of Big Love seemed almost unbelievable, the writing was very skilled and made the near impossible seem plausible. The pacing of the storytelling was some of the best I experienced and keep me interested. Mostly the continuity was on point, and with each viewing there was something new to experience as there was so much going on, it was easy to miss a detail in one episode that set up the story arc for a later episode.


On February 25, 2017, Paxton died at age 61 from complications following surgery
Thank you Bill!  And Good bye.

Here are some videos featuring Bill Paton:

This past week was the 55th birthday of Steve Irwin The Crocodile Hunter. Steve Irwin, a wildlife expert, was 44 when he died in 2006 after a stingray barb pierced his heart.

I remember his passion for his work with dangerous animals, I remember his infectious enthusiasm...but what I think I will remember the most was how Steve got so many people to cheer for the snake.

No kidding.  I remember how people would react while watching the show, and how people started to cheer for the snake in the hopes that the snake would actually bite Steve as Steve manhandled the creatures.  Personally, I think that is why a lot of people tuned in...just to see if this week, Steve would get bitten.

Steve made learning about snakes, reptiles and dangerous animals a fun experience.

Never forgotten. The world STILL talks about this remarkable person.

Here are some of Steve Irwin's inspired appearances:

#steveirwin #steve #irwin #crikey #crocodile #dundee #australia #bindi #bindisue #dwts #thecrocodilehunter #hunter #snakes #rip #obit #stingray #zookeeper #terri #bindiwear #animalplanet #beerwah #queensland #australiazoo #robertclarenceirwin #bindiirwin #stevelives #crocfiles #terriirwin #TheCrocodileHunterDiaries #paulhogan

Wow. This was from 2009? My first appearance on Passion hosted by Dr Laurie Betito.  So much has changed in the last 8 years.  This was our very first interview and first time speaking. Who could have imagined how things could have changed so much in that my works have gone through a major revision since that time, and that I would have ended up a regular guest on the show years later.

To those listening to this for the first time, be kind. One of my very first media interviews ever. I am definitely not the same person that I was back then, and neither is my collection of works, nor my brand.  Sometimes a look back is part of a necessary step forward.

Purchase a copy of   THE EMOTIONAL NEEDS ANALYSIS OF MEN WORKBOOK EBOOK
  (formerly titled The Eye of the Seductress)

Learn the Complete  The Emotional Needs Mastery System

Check out the Benefits of COACHING

Is Your Fantasy Keeping You Single?
Holding Out for a Fantasy when Dating
By Frank Kermit
 

Fantasies can be fun. Imagining new adventures, exploring new life times, pretending to envision the effects of choices you could have or still can make, is a wondrous way to see what your life could be like.
 
In dating, however, those same warm, wonderful fantasies could be at the very source of why a person perpetually remains single.
 
Holding out for a fantasy is one of the mistakes that singles make that keeps them single. This is not to be confused with a person who has such high standards that he or she ends up just too picky to end their stay in the world of singledom.
 
Although both have roots in unreasonable expectations, the difference here is that a person with higher standards may have not yet made the interrogation of figuring out what they have as an absolute boundary, and what is merely a preference for their love life.
 
A person who is holding out for a fantasy is trapped in a dream world, clinging to the hope that a mere mortal human being will do impossible feats (such as agree with everything you say, and hang on your every whim, and only live to serve your needs).
 
The fantasy holder is willing to pass up real people who are good candidates for dating because of the real flaws that all humans have.
 
Some people who are trapped holding out for a fantasy may have been hypnotizing themselves for years (even from the time of their childhood) of what their future soul mate will look like, pegged that person’s career or social status, and have already planned out how they will meet, to the point where they scripted the entire perfect dialogue of what that person will say to ignite the ultimate chemistry.
 
(Evidently, a decently good-looking stranger approaching them in regular conversation saying they should hang out is just not good enough to merit a chat over a cup of coffee.)
 
The fantasy is like an award nominated story, turned into an award-winning movie with just the right mix of romance, suspense, drama, passion and of course, humor.
 
Almost brings a tear to the eye, at the euphoric climatic moment of the fantasy when the chance meeting turns into true love. Sadly, however, when fantasy comes crashing into concrete reality, reality tends to win.
 
There is no real human being that can win when in competition with an internal fantasy. Human beings, and for that matter real life, simply cannot beat a succulent well-crafted fantasy of dating love and romance.
 
Real human beings do real things like blow their nose, get nervous, sweat, and have their own unique idiosyncrasies that can be charming in their own right, but generally a potential turn off if unknowingly going up against a hot brash fantasy concoction.
 
Singles, who are drunk on their own fantasy potion, tend to remain single. 
 
Perhaps that is a good thing, as it takes a certain level of maturity to merit a serious long term relationship, and a person lost in a fantasy world of how dating is supposed to be, tends not to be the kind of partner that can be counted on, regardless of how well intention-ed their hearts might be.
 
Stay real people.


 
Learn The Emotional Needs Mastery System

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