Expert Dating and Relationship Coach Frank Kermit is quoted in an article about a new AMC series
Image © Zach Dilgard/AMC
AMC’s “Kevin Can F**k Himself" Proves We Don’t Need Misogyny for a Laugh
While it might not be the wisest place to look, seeking out a role model in the characters we see portrayed on television and in movies happens all the time. This is typically harmless, leading us to hold the noble, honest, and exceedingly good-natured superhero like Captain America in such high regard, or applaud the actions of a kind and caring father figure like Uncle Phil on The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. But for every Uncle Phil we applaud, there’s about ten Peter Griffins being the worst kind of person.
Sitcom husbands and fathers, typically serving as the central comedic forces of these particular shows, have gotten away with bad behavior for decades. And as audience members, we sat back and laughed right along with them.
What’s more, the creators of these sitcoms — The King of Queens, Still Standing and According to Jim, to name a few — have often followed what author and screenwriter Gillian Flynn once termed the “fatty-gets-a-family” formula, which she described as a working-class doof of a husband landing a mysteriously hot wife while seemingly caring much more about TV, beer, and sports than his own partner or kids. While that formula might be successful at producing some chuckles, it also leaves this question unanswered: Are these kinds of oddball pairings truly realistic? And if we were to go even further, are these really the kinds of male role models we should be taking our cues from?
Kevin Can F**k Himself, a new AMC series that premiered in June, asks viewers to consider these types of questions. The show keeps the model of a boorish, immature man paired with an attractive female partner (Annie Murphy of Schitt’s Creek fame), but turns the dynamic on its head by revealing the very unfunny behind-the-scenes reality that might exist if this husband-wife relationship played out in real life. Mixing brightly-lit sets and the ambience of audience laughter typical of sitcoms with gritty, darker-hued scenes more akin to television dramas, Kevin Can F**k Himself is a satire of family-oriented sitcoms that uncovers the emotional scars left in the wake of too many crude jokes cracked at a woman’s expense.
Right from the jump, it’s clear the writers of the show are determined to highlight the kind of over-the-top bad behavior men have been getting away with in sitcoms for years. The first episode of Kevin Can F**k Himself opens with husband Kevin playing a round of beer pong in the middle of the living room with his best friend and next-door neighbor Neil, as Kevin’s dad and Neil’s sister spectate from the couch. As soon as wife Allison enters the room from the kitchen carrying a laundry basket, she’s hit by a stray shot from Neil. Before she has the chance to say anything, Neil throws his hands up and jokingly says, “Sorry, mom!”
The sitcom-style scene continues with Allison asking her husband if, instead of throwing an “anniversa-rager” (as they’ve seemingly done for their nine previous wedding anniversaries), they could have a grown-up dinner together, seeing as they’ve both reached their mid-thirties. Kevin responds: “Yeah, but you’re ‘lady 35’ and I’m ‘boy 35’ ... I’m just hitting my prime, and you...” trailing off before course correcting, unconvincingly, in a higher-pitched voice, “are, too.”
Moments later, Allison announces that dinner’s almost ready and asks that beer pong be put on hold. The other characters groan loudly before Neil says, “Now, see, this is why I call you mom.” Kevin momentarily comes to her defense (“Someone has to be responsible,” he says) before tossing his empty beer mug at her and asking for refills.
It’s when Allison walks back into the other room that the tone of the show does a 180. Compared to the brightly-lit living room, the kitchen is overly dark and dramatic. A high-pitched sound grows louder and louder as she sets the laundry basket down that she was holding, squeezing her eyes shut tight as if fighting off a migraine, only for an empty glass mug to shatter on the countertop as an apparent representation of her feelings after what’s just transpired in the other room.
Chris Luna, head dating coach with Craft of Charisma, ascribes one word to Allison and Kevin’s relationship: toxic. However, he says this is a reflection of both of them.
“Kevin is awful,” says Luna. “I can’t imagine any man watching the show and thinking, ‘I want to be that guy’. But what type of woman would choose to stay in a relationship like that? What type of woman gets into a relationship with a guy like that?”
A fair question, sure, but it’s also exactly the point the show creators are trying to make. All those fictional sitcom marriages we’ve grown accustomed to seeing over the years — Doug and Carrie in The King of Queens, Jim and Cheryl in According to Jim, Bill and Judy in Still Standing — just aren’t that realistic. In direct violation of the so-called “matching hypothesis,” which Dr. Sean M. Horan, a social psychologist, describes as our penchant for dating “individuals with similar levels of physical attractiveness,” sitcoms often pair two people who wouldn’t generally sync with one another in the real world for comedic effect.
These made-for-television mismatches are applauded as the on-screen husband belittles his partner in subtle and not-so-subtle ways, typically by making her the butt of the joke. In Kevin Can F**k Himself, this dynamic is cranked up to 11 with nearly all of Kevin’s lines serving to demean Allison when the two are in a room together. It’s only when we observe her by herself that we see (from her unique POV) just how much of an impact Kevin’s actions have on her. In the first episode, his button-pushing antics ultimately lead to Allison fantasizing about stabbing him in the neck with a broken beer bottle.
“In TV relationships, the dysfunctional husband has turned into a comedic trope,” explains Luna. “Husbands are often portrayed as incapable idiots, while wives are portrayed as smart and capable and good and living with an ongoing male burden. In the first episode of Kevin Can F**k Himself, it’s clear that the show is building upon this idea, and then expanding into and exploring the wife’s anger.”
He goes on, saying that with his career, he sees and hears the problems people struggle with on a regular basis.
“Although it’s true that on some level people are the source for the problems in their life, it’s often more complicated,” notes Luna. “The types of problems we see in modern sitcoms are not accurately reflective of the types of problems or the relationship dynamics that I see in real life with clients — and the men and women I meet in real life aren’t anything like the people I see on these shows.”
Some would argue, however, that the relationships and situations that we see play out in these sitcoms aren’t really meant to translate to real life.
“The entertainment industry is not concerned with educating audiences about relationships,” notes dating coach Frank Kermit. “The entertainment industry is only interested in one thing: entertaining you in a way that turns a profit.”
To be clear, Kermit does not say this as an indictment of the entertainment industry; he’s not looking for anything to be censored or altered to be more educational. Rather, he argues that we need to resist the urge to take our relationship cues from what we see on our TV screens.
“The key is not modifying our entertainment, but bringing in better education,” he says. “As long as people are educated about how to think critically and rationally about anything in their environment that can and will influence them, then people can make sure to only take actions that are in their best long-term interests.”
It’s a solid, reasonable case — don’t think of entertainment as dating education — but when you really boil it down, there is something to be taken from a show like Kevin Can F**k Himself. As for what that is? Looking at everything wrong with the way sitcom marriages have been portrayed over the last three or four decades, they’re finally telling us not to aspire to be these people.
And if you’ve reached a place where you’d rather slit your partner’s throat with broken glass than spend another second with them? It’s probably time for a divorce.
Written by Logan Hansen. Published on askmen.com
Who is John?
In John's Own Words
As you know, Paul McCartney is playing in my city Montreal on Sept. 20. I made this video below asking him to make my biggest dream come true that night. It's been on radio, newspapers and TV. I've reached out to literally everyone I know in his inner circles. For all I know he has seen it and may contact me in the next day or 2. But with only days left I just want to make sure he sees it and let him decide.
So PLEASE, share this, tag this, send the link to every single Beatles fan you know, and to every Beatles fan club online and offline you know.
We need to keep sharing this UNTIL Sir Paul McCartney sees it before it is too late!
Sir Paul McCartney will be playing in Montreal on September 20th.
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#beatleslove #beatlesforever #beatlesfan #beatlesmania #beatlesforsale #beatlescover #beatlesmaniacos #beatlesart #beatlesmemes #Beatlesashram #beatlesmeme #beatlesfun #beatlesparty #beatlesfans #beatlesobsession #beatlesobsessed #beatlesmaniac #beatleslover #beatlesliverpool #beatlesgif #beatlesgiveawayabitretro #beatlesmemorabilia #BeatlesLamp #beatleslyrics #beatlesstyle #beatlesfanart #beatlestribute #beatlestorymuseum #beatlesashramrishikesh #beatlesday
Are You Emotionally Faithful?
What constitutes infidelity? Looking at porn? Chatting with an old flame on Facebook?
Guys weigh in.
by Tom Matlack (originally published June 12, 2010)
With the recent indiscretions of Brett Favre, Tiger Woods and other famous philanderers, the question of what constitutes infidelity is on our minds. And, surprise surprise, men and women don’t always agree. Does having a special friend of the opposite sex at work count as cheating? How about looking at porn? Striking up conversations with an old flame on Facebook?
According to an ongoing infidelity poll of over 8,000 women conducted by WomanSavers, 69 percent of women believe that viewing porn is emotional cheating. In a similar WomanSavers poll, 92 percent of all women felt that online affairs constituted infidelity. (Granted, the readers at WomanSavers, a site where you can do a background check on a guy before going on a date, might not reflect women everywhere.)
But suffice it to say, there are many views on emotional fidelity. We would love to hear yours. As a guy, what do you think is important for a fulfilling relationship? What’s OK and what’s not? Do you have the urge to stray emotionally or physically? How do you deal with those urges?
Here’s what some of them men I spoke with said:
What Makes Couples Last According To A Professional Montreal Relationship Coach
Facts about love that make sense.
by Irene Terehova
Throw Back Thursday.
An interview between Irene Terehova and Frank Kermit for MTL Blog from 2016
A very common problem I see in modern relationships is the longevity struggle. Relationships and marriages don't last. Break ups and divorces are at an all time rise. Why is this happening? Why are Montrealers losing patience and not willing to work harder? Is giving up on love the right way to go?
So I got in touch with Frank Kermit today, a Montreal based relationship and dating coach, in hopes of finding the truth in this confusing subject matter. Frank gave a beautiful and easy breakdown to my two simple questions.
Why do modern couples break up and divorce so often, Frank?
"The difference between a couple that lasts and a couple that divorces all comes down to their emotional needs. Each individual has a set of emotional needs. Although the emotional needs tend to be similar from person to person, each individual has a unique profile detailing, which emotional needs are more important and which ones are less important. A person with a high degree of the emotional need fear of abandonment will react very differently than a person with a lower degree of that same emotional need.
Couples come together because the emotional needs of both people are addressed when they are involved with each other. Couples break apart (separation and divorce) when the emotional needs of one (or both) of the people are very violated.
The emotional needs of an individual can also change over time. [...] For example, a person who is at a stage of life where their children are grown and they have arranged for financial security that is not dependent on any particular employer may not place too much importance on an emotional need like protection of reputation, as the person may have done at a younger age. So it can happen where a couple [who has been] together for a long time, have changed as individuals and thus their emotional needs have changed, and their relationship as it stands, can no longer address their particular new emotional needs."
What needs to be changed in order to make modern relationships last?
The only thing that really would have to change that would be realistic, is for people to learn the skills needed to manage their abundance of choice.
Today’s singles and couples have unlimited choice as to how they can manage their relationships and sex lives, but as I teach it, the power of choice, without the knowledgeable skills to know what to do with that power, can lead to a misery so great, it can sometimes be worse than living in a system of oppression that meets human beings basic needs.
[...] A person can choose to date, get married, have children, live together, not date at all, be child-free, be a single parent, date multiple people at the same time, have multiple sex partners at the same time, even have polyamourous multi-partner romantic relationship families. The sky is no longer the limit, as the freedom of choices for how people choose to manage their romantic lives has reached beyond the stars.
[...] A person that does not know him or her self, their personal boundaries, or who has never thought critically about what is in their own best long term interest is at a disadvantage, and may end up choosing the wrong partners to get involved with, and worse…could potentially walk away from a great life to choose a new partner and life that lands that person in emotional ruins.
Dating and Relationship Coach
Author of 15 books and 20 audio lectures sets, including:
The Emotional Needs of Women Analysis Workbook
The Emotional Needs of Men Analysis Workbook
The show is called FRESH PERSPECTIVES and host DONNA SAUL will be welcoming Frank Kermit tomorrow, Thursday February 15, 2018 to discuss the topics of starting over after Valentine's Day and Things people do to push relationships away!
Starting at 10am EST and co-hosting is motivational speaker Jen Croneberger.
Another guest will be Michael Lausterer to talk about enhancing sensuality.
Be sure to visit the station's Facebook page HERE and give them a "like" to show your support!
Updated on February 28, 2018
The December Holidays Collection
by Frank Kermit
Heart-Break Holidays: Holiday Couples Split
Hurt, Lonely and Grieving At The Holidays
(Heavy Heart Holidays)
Mourning Loss Over The Holidays
The Holiday Mistake That Singles Make
(It's Good To Start Dating)
Giving Thanks For Holiday Workers
New Relationships Started During Holidays
Parents, New Partners and Holiday Dinners
(Let The Holiday Headaches Begin!)
Single Going Into The Holiday Season
December Dilemma: Inter Faith Holiday Couples
Gift Giving Guide for Holiday Dating
(For The Stages of Dating)
Office Holiday Party Advice, Rules and Etiquette
Holidays: Everybody's Happy Except You
Give the Gift of Your Time for the Holidays
Mourning Loss Over The Holidays
Coping With Loss: The First Year of Firsts
5 Tips To Smell Good for Dating
Updated on February 24, 2018
#december #seasons #christmas #xmas #christmastree #santa #christmasdecorations #merrychristmas #santaclaus #christmasornaments #christmasdecor #christmastime #christmasparty #presents #snowflakes #christmaslights #winter #hermeslove #festive #festivus #newyearseve #newyearsparty #jan1 #dec31 #newyears #newyearscelebration #ornaments
#newyear #newyearsday #decemberdilemma #interfaithdating #interfaithmarriage #interfaitrelationship # #meetheparents #meetthefamily #holidays #familydinner #nyd #nye #alone #single #singlelife #dating
Great Conversations: My Interviews With Two Men On The Moon And A Galaxy Of Stars By Peter Anthony Holder
Take A Quick Peek At My New Book!
Delve into some “Great Conversations”
They say everyone has a book inside of them. Well, I’ve finally let mine out! After decades of talking to celebrities on the radio, I’ve chronicled many encounters within the covers of Great Conversations: My Interviews With Two Men On The Moon And A Galaxy Of Stars.
Head down Memory Lane with some of the biggest stars. From Academy Award© winners such as, Cloris Leachman, Karl Malden, and Christopher Plummer; to Emmy© winners such as Ed Asner, Michael Moriarty, and Lindsay Wagner; to Tony© winners such as Carol Channing, and Julie Newmar.
Also featured are some of the most familiar TV icons you’ve spent hours watching, such as Buddy Ebsen, Bob Denver, Dick Van Patten, Gary Coleman, Steve Allen, and Burt Ward, to name a few.
And there are even a couple of guys from a very elite group of twelve men who have left their footprints on the moon!
BUY THE BOOK AT
To hear some of the interviews that
Peter Anthony Holder
conducted with Frank Kermit,
please go here:
Taking A Break - Needing Space when Dating
Dating Dilemmas #83
Frank Kermit makes his 124 appearance on the radio show Passion, hosted by Dr Laurie Betito and Fritz-Gerald of Elite Speed Dating.
Topic of discussion is: Taking A Break and Needing Space When Dating
Released July 21 2017, Updated on March 1, 2018
Frank Kermit makes his 1st appearance on the program Find The One Elite with host Antia Boyd. On this show Frank talks about The Top Emotional Needs Of Single Men & Women.
Dr. Laurie Betito Quotes