Tips for Your Dating Criteria Checklist
by Frank Kermit
When coaching someone that wants to STOP BEING SINGLE, it is important to examine that person's dating criteria. Sometimes, the reason that someone is forever stuck being single is the criteria itself.
Here are some tips to make sure that your criteria is not holding you back:
1-Criteria that is Firm
If you are firm in your criteria that you will not waiver on, then right or wrong, you should be explicit in expressing your criteria.
This means if you are online dating, make sure your criteria is in your online dating profile.
If you are discussing setting up a first date, express your criteria before you actually meet, so that you do not waste your time, or the time of the other person.
Note: You will always have to screen and filter when dating. Even if you make your criteria clear, it does not always stop people from wanting you to give them a chance.
2-Is the Criteria Relevant?
Next would be to explore if your criteria is actually relevant.
Is it a matter of initial attraction? Lust?
Is it relevant to a long term life plan?
To help you figure out if your criteria is actually relevant; ask the question:
Under what circumstances would that criteria not be important (if any)?
If the criteria would not matter under a number of circumstances, then it is not a relevant criteria.
3-Is the Criteria Counter-Productive?
Would her having such criteria turn off your potential target audience? Some people will be offended to your "fetish".
For example, the members of the amputee community want relationships like any other people, but some resent being with a partner that has an amputee fetish.
Would your criteria potentially turn off the very people that embody that criteria? Then you need to be ready to face a little more rejection in the process of dating until you find someone that appreciates your interests.
4-Is the Criteria Hypocritical?
Do you get resentful if you get rejected when someone uses the same kind of criteria against you?
If so, you need to rethink your criteria, because being a hypocrite can get in the way of your finding love when dating.
For example, if you reject someone because they make less money than you, would you be upset if someone rejects you because you make less money than them?
If you reject someone for their body type, would you be upset if someone rejected you because of your body type?
If so, the best way to attract more open minded folks is to be more open minded. (You would be amazed how offended some people get in coaching when confronted about their hypocrisy)
5-Is the Criteria Reciprocal?
Just because you have an ideal partner in mind, that does not mean that the person you seek, is seeking you.
One of the hardest questions a coaching client must face, is if you are "worthy" of the affection of the person you are seeking.
So, ask yourself if your ideal partner would be attracted to you. If the answer is "No", then it may be time to re-evaluate your goals in the next coaching session.
6-Is Your Criteria Demographic Realistic?
Based, on your collective criteria, is there enough of a demographic for you to actually find someone to be with?
When you put all your criteria together, does the composite person you are seeking even exist? Is there a large enough pool of candidates for you to date from? If not, get real. Get very real, very fast, or the only thing that you will guarantee is that you will continue to be single.
Lets use a fun example:
Let's say you have the criteria that you will ONLY date:
-a working architect
-currently living in your small town (you refuse to move and you refuse to engage in a long distance relationship)
and then we do analysis of that demographic and find out:
-there are only 3 architects in your small town,
-one is retired (so not currently working)
-one is married (not available)
-one is of a sexual orientation that would not be attracted to you
then your criteria for what is out there would not be realistic, and we can predict that you will continue to be single
7-Is Your Criteria Just An Excuse?
And finally is this criteria actually a means to make it impossible for you to find someone?
Some people have fears of intimacy that mask themselves as ridiculous criteria.
Could this be your case here?
It is easier to be thought of as "too picky" instead of "incapable of a relationship."
When your criteria list is more vast than your list of skills that represent your ability to attract a partner, that is often a sign of some kind of fear of intimacy.
It could be a fear of emotional intimacy, being vulnerable, a fear of physical sex, or even the fear of the responsibility that comes with getting romantically involved with others.
If you are using your criteria as a means to keep people away, then definitely sign up for an hour of Coaching to see what Frank can do for you.
"How do I date?"
-Without a Partner
Frank Advice Answer:
Dear Without a Partner,
It really depends what you are looking for. Your approach will be different if you are looking for something more casual (friends-with-benefits dating) or something more serious (long term commitment). Once you have an idea of what you are looking for commitment wise, you are ready for the next step.
The next step is to create a profile of the kind of person that would want, and who would be a good candidate for you. Once you can identify some of the criteria you are looking for, it becomes easier to identify where you would meet such a person.
For example: (and let’s use a particular one), let’s say you seek a sexually adventurous partner who is open minded and willing to explore new sensations with you. Well now that you have that profile, the question becomes: Where does someone who fits that profile spend their time?
Perhaps a popular sexually themed event or show? You can explore if there are communities that put on such events locally, or seek out online communities that cater to your particular interests to meet like minded people.
Arrange times to meet people from the community or communities that you have found. Take the time to talk to each person you meet privately. A local public coffee shop is an ideal location as it is public enough to be safe and private enough to share stories. The key here is to put your best self forward.
Do not lie about anything! Demonstrate that you are looking for a partner and focus on what you have to give to another person.
Do not make it about what the other person must give to you.
If you are dedicated and follow through on this work (and yes dating is work) and you should have at least one, if not more dating partners within 90 days.
After you are in a relationship/s, your focus should be on relationship management. Do not take your partners for granted but do not allow yourself to be used either.
This information is just the start of learning to date and having a relationship/s. Coaching helps in many ways, including having an accountability partner, who can help keep you on the right track.
Sign up for COACHING and we can get started.
-Frank Because I have to be
Reason # 5
Too Preoccupied with Friends Opinions
Reason # 5 Too Preoccupied with Friends Opinions
If there is one thing I hear over and over again from older women is that they do not want to appear, or come across as desperate. So these women hold back from asking men out, and making their interests known.
When older women get together with their friends (also older and single women) some start acting like they are too good for dating and don’t need a man in their lives.
What is worse is that an older woman’s friends can further encourage this kind of self-sabotaging thinking and behavior.
If an older woman becomes preoccupied with what other people think, especially what her friends think of her,
(seeking her friends APPROVAL)
I can predict that she will continue to be a single older woman.
Sometimes the reason
a woman is perpetually single
despite everything she has going for her,
IS HER FRIENDS.
Your friends could become
the saboteurs at the crossroads
of your journey of love in this life.
Some women simply cannot stand to see their girlfriends find someone that is special to them because they feel that a relationship steals a friend's attention from them (just EVIL!).
In fact, I know of a number of older women who struggle to have their friends introduce them to potential mates, because many of their friends mention (in a joking manner of course) that they would then lose a great babysitter or wing-woman if she found a relationship!
Unfortunately, it turns out not to be that much of a joke.
I teach that a real friend helps you get what you want.
If you want sex; a friend does not stand in your way.
If you want to date someone; a friend does not discourage you against it.
If you want to take your relationship to the next level; a friend gives your new partner a chance and gets to know him or her.
Just because someone is your friend, does not mean they will be your allies in love.
It is not the job or obligation of any of your friends to help you find love. However, a true friend does not stand in your way of finding happiness by making you feel guilty for putting time and effort into meeting your potential soul mate, even when it takes time away from you being with that same friend.
Friends are important, but you need to keep it in perspective. When pushed to extremes, even your best, closest friends, will put the needs and welfare of their own spouse, children, and themselves, ahead of the needs and welfare of their friends, and rightly so assuming they are respectable spouses, good parents and have normal personal boundaries.
You deserve that kind of loving commitment of your own, with your own life partner if you want it. You will have to make some different choices than you made in the past to get it.
Your happiness must never be based on your friend's approval.
You are the one that must accept the consequences of your choices. Whether those consequences are your life being ruined for choosing the wrong person OR living a (for lack of a better term) happily-ever-after; those are your consequences to deal with, not your friends consequences.
If you want to get to know someone but are reluctant to give that person a chance because you are afraid that your friends will not approve, then you are telling the world that you deserve all the misery a lonely future has in store for you.
An example of this: Your friends accuse you of lowering your standards because the person you happen to like is someone they would consider unattractive.
Sorry, but whether you do what you want, or you do what your friends want...the consequences of your choices are always the same...they are always YOURS.
Until you come to terms with the fact that the only approval you really need to build the love life you want is your own, you will never get to the higher levels of awareness to be able to have the intimate connections you have heard so much about.
If your love life choices are unduly influenced by the approval of your friends, you will never truly own your love life.
A true friend is someone who wants to see you happy. Even if that happiness means you will be spending more time with a serious romantic partner, and less time with your friend.
A true friend is OK with this.
Reason # 6
Being Single for Too Long
You wake up one day, look at the calendar and you realize that today is the anniversary of your last break up.
It took place 10 years ago!
Then it hits you; you have been single a long time.
Sure, you had a date here and there, and maybe a handful of one night stands along the way, but they do not count because you did not stop being single. In fact, even the one-night stands stopped years ago as you have reached a point where you just could not be bothered. (More of that “fun is not fulfillment” thing).
4 Communication tips for couples are highlighted in this contributed post.
A rocky patch in your relationship can cause distress to both sides. It can affect your work, your social life, and your family life too, especially if there are children involved. While it may feel like your relationship is coming to an end, ups and downs are very common in relationships, and you may be able to work through your issues to make it out the other end happier and more content. Take a look at some of the solutions below that could help you both work through your issues to get your relationship back on track.
Communication is key to a healthy relationship. However, this is one element that many people struggle with, and it’s poor communication that can ruin a relationship. Talking through your issues is difficult, but if you can do so in a way that is non-argumentative and simply expresses how both sides feel, you may find that there is an easier solution to your problems than you realize. Take some time to really talk to each other about the things that have been bothering you for a much healthier relationship where both sides feel heard.
You may not really know much about couples counselling, or feel that it is not for you, but it is something that helps thousands of couples each day to enjoy healthier, more honest relationships. Whether you have problems communicating with each other, you suffer from sexual intimacy issues or anything else that may be causing your rough patch; couples counselling could be the thing that brings you both together again in a safe and open space.
Get away from it all
Sometimes it’s outside factors that cause our relationships to suffer. If work is affecting your relationship for example, or even one person having a much more active social life than the other, then a vacation could be just what the two of you need. Putting physical distance between the issue and your relationship could be beneficial, and a vacation will give you both the chance to relax without distractions to leave you both feeling much happier when you return. A vacation will also help you establish some perspective so that when you return, you can find ways to manage your workload better or prioritize your relationship over late nights with friends to help you refocus on your relationship.
Spend more time together
Sometimes the issue can be that you’re just not spending time together. It can be difficult if your schedules clash, or you’re in a long-distance relationship, but these are issues that can be resolved by spending more quality time together. Try to spend time together, enjoying date nights that are free from distractions (that means keeping your phones away!), that let you both catch up on how you’re doing and enjoy each other’s company.
Relationship issues can be difficult, but for many people, they are a phase that will disappear with a bit of work. It’s important to remember that love is not a power play, so it’s important to treat your partner as an equal and ensure that they do the same in return. It’s difficult to deal with issues, but tackling them head on will benefit your relationship and make you both stronger for it.
Are You Willing To Pay The Price?
by Frank Kermit
I have been coaching for nearly two decades at the time of writing this article. There are times when I feel very proud and inspired by certain coaching clients of mine.
And other times, I see really good people, with really good hearts, just not acting as if they are willing to do the work necessary to have the love lives they so desperately claim to want.
It takes hard work and sacrifice to makes changes in a person’s life.
The more ingrained and practiced your repeating behavior patterns, the more challenging it will be to change those same behavior patterns and replace them with new behavior patterns. Learning the theory of addressing the emotional needs of others (and standing up for yourself) is just a first step in the process.
Putting it into practice, especially when you are not used to it, can be a little more intense than what most people are comfortable with doing.
The result is the same.
Your refusal to speak up ensures that you will continue feeling bad due to the actions of others, as well as, it ensures you will continue to build up feelings of resentment against the other person.
Resentment can kill even the most devoted feelings of affection between two people.
There is a price to pay for having a great love life.
It means stepping outside of your comfort zone
and committing new behaviors to change very specific situations in your life.
There is no waiting until you feel you are ready. Chances are you will never be fully ready.
That is the price:
To commit to new actions
even you do not feel like it.
It is a high price of discomfort to be sure.
Just keep in mind the potential benefits you will acquire in the long run, in exchange for some short-term pains:
A love life that brings smiles instead of tears
Is there such a thing as Happily Single?
By Frank Kermit
Is being single really that bad?
After all, when a person considers the amount of pain that a relationship or casual dating can cause, it may seem that just skipping the whole dating-thing altogether might make for a more peaceful life.
Could it be that intimate relations are simply not for everyone,
and maybe you happen to be one of those people?
How do you know if being alone is the right choice for you
and is it even possible to be content, o
r even fulfilled in a life without romantic love?
As always, that answer is completely up to you.
Without having experienced
what a health loving relationship can be,
or not having experienced the positive attributes
of being with someone that cares for you,
it is challenging for someone
to see the value is pursuing a goal
they have no concept of.
In these cases, people tend to be encouraged to work on themselves before entering into romantic relationships so that the challenges inherent with romantic relationships do not distract the people from the healing process, nor allow the romantic relationships to exasperate a persons energy causing them not to have the personal resources to slay the demon.
This is most commonly understood when someone enters a drug and alcohol treatment center where patients are forbidden to have relations with each other and contact with loved ones must be limited.
Dismissed as laziness by some,
the lack of willingness
to put in the work required
to change behavior patterns
is nothing to scoff at.
Changing anything in your life forces you out of your comfort zone.
It takes work.
The motivation to make such changes may very well require that someone hit an absolute rock bottom before having enough gumption to finally make that change. The same principle applies to changing the status of a persons love life.
It is unfortunate that people require that kind of rock bottom to reach a point where the pain of staying where they are is finally greater than the pain of making a change.
When I am asked if it is better to be in a relationship that is bad, or being alone, I often quote one of my inspirations.
"Are you better off with that person,
or better off without that person?"
There is no set answer.
It completely depends on the context of your situation.
There are a number of other factors to consider
in the answer to this question.
If you complain about being in a relationship,
again do something about it.
If you are trying to figure out if you want to give up on love or not, one of the ways to decide this for yourself is to sit down and work through the differences between your feelings towards single life and your desires for the kind of lifestyle you want for yourself. Start with your ideal lifestyle and work your way backwards to your current present date.
Once you have that ideal (and REALISTIC) lifestyle mapped out, see if you are the type of person that can actually attain it, and if you would be able to attract the kind of partner that you yourself would need to be.
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Your Choices Today Become The Past
You Have To Share Tomorrow
By Frank Kermit
Young adults tend to discount how the choices they make today will impact their futures tomorrow. At least, when it comes to relationships.
The best example of this is the young adults who are swayed to enter into the world of the sex trade.
These 18-23 year olds are convinced that what they do today just to make enough money to get by will not be something that affects their futures.
Sometimes it is people within the industries that try to convince potential porn stars and exotic dancers how no one will ever recognize their faces in the future.
Sometimes it is the young adults themselves who rationalize that since they do not have any aspirations to form a public career that the chances of this being used against them are nil.
However, that is simply not the case.
Stories of former porn stars losing their jobs as high school teachers are real.
When their past catches up with them in the hands of underage students who have passed around sex videos of the teacher through their phones, there is very little a teacher can do.
Even when the former porn stars in question are ready to handle the ordeal of having every one of those students knowing such intimate images of the teacher, it may not matter.
The school administration and sometimes the parents of the students as well, may demand that the teacher be fired anyway.
Stories of former exotic dancers or escort service providers, running into past clients at boardroom meetings are real.
Does it matter that a university student put themselves through school with sex trade work and independently earned that entry-level executive position?
To some it may not matter at all.
To others, it could matter a great deal,
and enough so that it could be an obstacle on a personal career path.
The best advice anyone can give to a young adult is to remind him or her that even if they have no interest in a career that could be affect by their choices today, or even if they do not plan to be parents, over the course of a lifetime, things can change very dramatically.
No one can predict exactly how things are going to change and turn out.
As a young adult, you may not really care about the consequences of your actions…but the older adult you become may feel differently about it.
With all that said, I want to be fair
...and state that there actually are a number of sex trade workers that are more than happy doing what they are doing, do so proudly and are willing to admit it and accept the fact that this part of their lives will follow them forever.
Those who have the best grasp of this are those that fully accept the consequences of their past (and possible present) career choices.
That means that they acknowledge the good elements (the hours, the pay) and are forthright about the bad elements (bad clients, discrimination, possible unsafe working conditions).
An insider on the porno industry once told me that many of the flight-by-night starlets that disappear after a handful of appearances end up living very normal quiet lives as married soccer moms.
They also live with the fear that someone who knows them may find their obscure videos, recognize them, and threaten their new life with it.
If you have a past that might threaten your future, the best things you can do about it is be honest with your future long-term partner and check out if they also can accept it, and handle the potential consequences.
If you are getting into a serious relationship with someone, to the point where you are thinking about getting married, then you must consider putting your fiancé through the ultimate test before he or she becomes your spouse.
Think of your deepest, darkest, most horrible thing that you did in your past that you make it a point not to tell anyone.
If you think that sharing that experience would cause your fiancé not to marry you then you have a choice.
Take the chance and tell them anyway knowing you might lose your relationship, or do not get married and end the relationship altogether.
The truth about all our pasts has a funny way of surfacing, and at the worst possible times.
At some point it is very likely that your future spouse is going to be made aware of elements from your past.
The best thing you can do is prepare your spouse-to-be with whatever it is that someone might try to use against you and your family.
It is better your future spouse hears it from you before it becomes an issue that could threaten your future children.
Whether it is bullies in the schoolyard that taunt your kids with proof of your past, or extortionists who would seek to blackmail you by threatening to reveal your scary secret,
being honest with your soon-to-be spouse is the best way to build a foundation for a relationship that will withstand any outside force that attempts to destroy you.
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Having a wingman (or woman) can be helpful while scouting for dates; other times, you’re better off flying solo. We take a closer look at why your best friend can be your worst enemy when you’re single.
By Christine Champ for Match.com Happen Magazine
When Anna, a single gal from Seattle, WA set out to find a boyfriend, her friend Kim offered to act as her “wing woman” during her search for an entire year.
At first, it sounded like a fabulous idea — but just one month later, Anna “fired” Kim.
You see, whenever the two met a single man somewhere, Kim turned into a flirting machine: tossing her hair, giving seductive sideways glances…she stole the spotlight every time away from Anna, even going so far as to physically block her friend out of some conversations by standing in front of her!
Whenever Anna asked Kim if she was interested in these men herself, she’d deny it. Instead of a boyfriend, all Anna acquired during her short-term experiment was self-doubt, frustration and confusion.
As Anna describes it, all her experience managed to do “was clip my own wings.”
Mark Fitzgerald, 36, from Sacramento, CA recalls the time he asked his longtime friend to size up the cute retail clerk he’d been mustering up the courage to ask out. Instead of returning from the recon mission with his stamp of approval, Mark’s friend came back with the retail clerk’s phone number — and plans to date her himself.
So — (frenemies aside, obviously) — why would a friend, sister, brother or other close comrade get in your way when you’re looking for love?
We’ve come up with a few reasons that take malice out of the equation entirely.
Five reasons why good friends can sometimes make bad “wingers”...
1. They feel obligated to make chivalrous chit-chat on your behalf and end up shifting the target’s attention in the wrong direction.
Fitzgerald has been on both sides of the wingman block himself; once, when a friend’s flirting turned into floundering, he felt responsible for keeping the conversation going so the woman his friend was interested in wouldn’t leave. Fitzgerald now realizes that commandeering the conversation might actually intimidate a tongue-tied buddy, so he makes an effort to tread carefully when helping cultivate initial small talk before excusing himself from the conversation entirely.
2. Their own insecurity drives them to try and “win” every perceived competition… even if they lose your friendship in the process.
For some people — single or not — the subconscious urge to compete with their peers trumps everything else. It’s about proving they can win the guy or girl’s attention, even if they’re not looking for a relationship themselves. Dr. Diana Kirschner, Ph.D., author of Love in 90 Days, observes that often, insecurity is what’s really behind these competitors’ outward show of confidence and flirting — along with the drive to demonstrate they’re desirable, regardless of the cost to their friendships. Sometimes, adds Dr. Kirschner, “scarcity consciousness” can also make people worry “there’s not enough to go around” when it comes to finding potential dates.
3. They’re addicted to being in the social spotlight.
Ron Geraci, author of The Bachelor Chronicles, notes that some people simply “cannot stand the fact that someone else is getting attention.” But, adds Geraci, don’t condemn these attention hogs too harshly; basking in the romantic limelight gives a “shot of adrenaline to their ego” that boosts their own low self-confidence.
4. Some people have trouble choosing their own romantic partners, so they aren’t helpful in scoping prospects for you, either.
A recent University of Indiana study suggests that people note the preferences of others — regardless of whether they’re friends or strangers — to make their own search for a mate more efficient. This stems from the idea that “who others like might be a good choice for ourselves,” according to Skyler Place, a researcher in UI’s Department of Psychological and Brain Studies who coauthored the study, along with Peter M. Todd, a professor in the university’s Cognitive Science Program. Frank Kermit, relationship coach and author of From Loser to Seducer, cites another reason: sometimes people don’t trust their own judgment when it comes to finding someone else attractive.
5. You’re hunting for a date, but your friend’s a natural-born poacher.
University of Texas psychology professor David Buss coined the term “mate poaching” to refer to people’s tendencies to try to steal romantic partners away from others. Geraci believes the principle applies equally to singles on the prowl, saying that “it’s a convenient way to find a mate because someone else is doing a lot of the work.” Singles should use caution when choosing wingmen or wing women; watch out for those friends who exhibit potential poaching tendencies and avoid going out with them when you’re looking for dates. After all, when you’ve engaged a prospect that piques your pals’ interest, “it’s like bringing your kill into a pack of hyenas,” warns Geraci.
Mending a “broken wing” relationship
Before you try to mend your relationship with a failed wingman or wing woman, make sure you’re not misreading any signals — like the silent cues that your tall, dark and handsome (or blonde and beautiful) target sends that indicate your attraction isn’t mutual after all. According to matchmaker and etiquette coach Joy Nordenstrom, the three biggest clues that your flirting is indeed being reciprocated include: direct eye contact, mirroring (i.e., your crush copies your body movements) and leaning in to get physically closer to you.
If it’s still obvious your friend’s crossed a boundary, here’s one solution: exclude him or her from social situations where you might connect with someone romantically. Advises Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D., author of The Unofficial Guide to Dating Again: “that’s how you teach people that they’re socially unacceptable,” though she considers an intervention to be worthwhile if you believe your friend’s bad behavior is unintentional. If you do decide to stage an impromptu bathroom meeting to interrupt the offender’s advances, Kirschner recommends keeping it positive — like asking your cousin to tell the ladies about your smooth salsa moves, then adding that you’ll be ready to take the lead on the dance floor right after the next song begins.
Establishing the rules of engagement
If you really want your wingman or wing woman to “rise to the occasion,” says Nordenstrom, establish some rules of engagement first so that it’s clear “you’re playing on the same team.” Start by clarifying your goals for the outing, and have your friend do the same. Agree to put each other in the best light possible throughout the evening — from subtly pointing out the broccoli in your friend’s teeth to bragging about his or her tennis skills. Think of flattering stories to share about your friend or make a mental note of his or her most attractive features before you go out together. Mutually agree on a code word (like “yesterday”) to indicate you’re interested in someone so both of you don’t end up inadvertently flirting with the same person. If you end up eyeing the same hottie without realizing it, take a beat by yourselves to discuss and compare your desire levels on a scale of 1 to 10. A good wingman or wing woman knows when “to step back,” but as Tessina also cautions, “every person you meet isn’t Mr. [or Ms.] right” — so choose your showdowns wisely!
Flying solo: is it an option?
The insights we’ve shared here should help you choose a wingman or wing woman that brings out the absolute best in you — because, according to Nordenstrom, when your romantic radar reacts, you often “have a very short window to make a strong impression.” Or, try flying solo — Kirschner believes you may unleash your “inner charisma” when you’re forced to conquer your shyness and/or social anxiety. If you attempt a solo recon mission for scouting dating prospects and spend all night cowering next to the bathroom instead, finding a friendly co-pilot you can rely on is definitely the better way to fly!
***Disclaimer: DEAR READERS: This was an article written by Christine Champ for Match.com that Frank Kermit was quoted in. All rights, titles and interests in the article remain with the author and Match.com
Christine Champ is a freelance writer based in the Northwest. Her writing has appeared on MSN.com, MSNBC.com, Film.com and in The Seattle Times.
The Importance of Keeping Your Word
by Frank Kermit
It can happen sometimes where you make a promise
that you did not realize
you would not be able to keep.
We are human beings,
and when that happens,
it can be embarrassing.
The cost of this kind of immature action is:
The Loss Of Your Credibility
Quality people do not have time in their lives
for people that lack credibility.
If you want to be a Good Person
then start by being Good at keeping your word.
If you don't want someone to label you,
be sure you aren't acting in a way
that makes then need to in the first place.
Read one mans true unpaid testimonial of how 10 hours of coaching with Frank Kermit, combined with a few product purchases changed his life for the better.
To summarize my experience in working with Frank on his ten hours coaching program; Most pickup coaches give you a game-plan for the night; Frank is not a pickup coach, so he gives you a game plan for life.
A big thanks to Frank for the work that we did - I found the program to be an absolutely fantastic investment of time, money and effort. It'll be with me for life. Looking back it also made me think of all of the work Frank must have put in over many years to acquire this much understanding and course material. It's incredible. I'll certainly be emailing Frank in the future to let him know how things are going, and whether or not I need to do any more coaching.
I’ve studied pick up and relationship material for a few years and applied it, but very quickly I reached a plateau. Sure I learned how to pick up girls better than before but that brings in as many problems as it solves.
How do you manage women? How do you break up with women? How do you keep them as friends with benefits? How do you turn them into your girlfriend?
Frank has better answers than any coach I’ve seen.
I was particularly interested to hear his perspectives on non-monogamous relationships and their management, as I’ve always believed there was another way for me than the traditional roles of being either ‘single’ and commitment free, or in a totally monogamous relationship. Even pick-up teachers with very solid material don’t seem to go into non-monogamous relationship advice – typically they advocate being single and having experiences forever – but this gets lonely.
Frank’s material is on a much higher level altogether than anything else I’ve seen out there
– And honestly I’ve read enormous amounts of other people’s material.
That's not to say that there isn't other good stuff out there but Frank has a profound, detailed knowledge of dating and relationships. He goes into areas often neglected by others such as the best locations for dates and the best locations to actually meet single women who are looking to meet guys.
These sound like obvious points, but they once you have the skills, these are the kind of questions that need addressing.
More importantly though is Frank’s ‘Hierarchy of Relationships’ and ‘Emotional Needs Analysis of Men and Women. ’ They are immediately usable tools to manage, screen and maintain your relationships in a way that is healthy for both men and women.
The coaching and product purchases were a reasonable investment for me, but those modules alone were worth the cost! I’ve quite literally never encountered anything that gives you the perspective of these two tools. The ‘Hierarchy of Relationships’ in particular gives you the framework to manage all relationships.
I worked hard and really committed to the assignments. I’m glad I did, as it really allowed me to make the most of the sessions and I got a huge amount out of them. Frank doesn’t mince his words in the sessions – he gives you direct and often challenging perspectives. I can’t count the number of times I came away from the sessions feeling like I just understood something about relationships, women, or myself in a new, deeper light.
Frank’s not a flashy teacher with a luxury office space. He coaches by telephone or Skype. He doesn’t seem to have any outward features that would make this stuff come easily to him. In fact if anything, outwardly you’d probably never guess at the depth of wisdom and experience he has in dating, and all types of relationships, including non-monogamous ones.
The program exercises were unorthodox to say the least but they make sense if you do them properly. Frank’s depth of knowledge is staggering, even to someone who has read a lot before discovering Frank’s material.
Frank’s original theories are innovative and incredibly helpful –they are a true masterpiece of insight for relationships. I really hope this knowledge spreads to as much of the world as possible as people can only benefit from it.
After 10 hours of coaching, I now have a ton of material to go over. Before I began coaching with Frank I was going around in circles despite putting effort in. Now the course is set! I have my compass, and map in hand, and all I have to do is to keep going forward on my journey.
I have no hesitation in recommending Frank to anyone who is looking to get greater fulfillment in relationships. In fact, I would say that if you are not working with Frank or reading his material, you're missing out.
Even guys who already know how to meet women could really learn a ton from him - in fact I think that for more advanced guys - Frank is the only coach out there who can actually help you to progress further in whatever direction you want to go in.
-Joseph, United Kingdom
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