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Are You Willing To Pay The Price?
Are You Willing To Pay The Price?
by Frank Kermit
I have been coaching for nearly two decades at the time of writing this article. There are times when I feel very proud and inspired by certain coaching clients of mine.
And other times, I see really good people, with really good hearts, just not acting as if they are willing to do the work necessary to have the love lives they so desperately claim to want.
It takes hard work and sacrifice to makes changes in a person’s life.
The more ingrained and practiced your repeating behavior patterns, the more challenging it will be to change those same behavior patterns and replace them with new behavior patterns. Learning the theory of addressing the emotional needs of others (and standing up for yourself) is just a first step in the process.
Putting it into practice, especially when you are not used to it, can be a little more intense than what most people are comfortable with doing.
Perhaps it is a person that you need to stay away from, but you are just so drawn to the person, that despite every time you break up, somehow you end up becoming lovers again. No matter how much you know better, you crave that person, almost as if you were addicted to that person (and maybe on some level you are). You know your love life cannot evolve to someone new until you separate yourself from your current toxic environment, but it feels like you cannot help yourself.
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Perhaps you need to show more interest when pursuing a new person, or when a new person pursues you. But instead of being more assertive in your pursuit to set a date, or being more inviting when someone has the courage to make the first move in approaching you, you act disinterested to the point of pushing the other person away. You did not mean to push the other person away; you just wanted to protect yourself from appearing too needy or desperate. So you treated them like a casual distraction to the point they were no longer motivated to be in your company.
Perhaps it is a matter of standing up for yourself and telling others exactly what you are thinking. Maybe someone you liked did something that really did not sit well with you, and you tried to let them know using non-verbal communication, but the person simply did not pick up on your non-verbal cues and did that same thing yet again. You could be battling your own fear of conflict (which in your mind could lead to confrontation, loss or even abandonment). You could be trying to avoid potentially hurting the other person’s feelings. Does not matter why you refuse to speak up.
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The result is the same.
Your refusal to speak up ensures that you will continue feeling bad due to the actions of others, as well as, it ensures you will continue to build up feelings of resentment against the other person.
Resentment can kill even the most devoted feelings of affection between two people.
There is a price to pay for having a great love life.
Your refusal to speak up ensures that you will continue feeling bad due to the actions of others, as well as, it ensures you will continue to build up feelings of resentment against the other person.
Resentment can kill even the most devoted feelings of affection between two people.
There is a price to pay for having a great love life.
It means stepping outside of your comfort zone
and committing new behaviors to change very specific situations in your life.
- It means staying away from the wrong people.
- It means to take the risk of being vulnerable and showing interest in dating.
- It means standing up for yourself and expressing yourself when it is important enough for you.
- It means you have to do all of these things BEFORE YOU FEEL LIKE IT.
There is no waiting until you feel you are ready. Chances are you will never be fully ready.
That is the price:
To commit to new actions
even you do not feel like it.
It is a high price of discomfort to be sure.
Just keep in mind the potential benefits you will acquire in the long run, in exchange for some short-term pains:
A love life that brings smiles instead of tears
Frank Kermit
Sign Up for Coaching to Pay the Price
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