Sugar Daddies: The Unconventional Quick Cash

Sugar Daddies For Quick Cash

More university students are becoming sugar babies, but is it sex work or a quick way to pay the bills?

In 2015, "Melissa" a Toronto based Ryerson University student immigrated to Canada from the Philippines to have a better life. She was 21 and had dreams of attending university. With no Canadian dollars to her name, Melissa said in an interview she had to find a way to pay for her $300 school applications and English language testing. That’s when she found the sugar daddy dating website, Seeking Arrangement.

According to Seeking Arrangement, one of the most popular sugar daddy dating websites, their more than 10 million members can achieve “relationships on your terms,” and “date generous men and attractive women.”

Seeking Arrangement is much like any other online dating platform, but the generosity the website guarantees means more than just being an attentive partner.

Older men, and sometimes women, will join the website as sugar daddies or sugar mommies and pay young sugar babies (whether male or female) hundreds of dollars for companionship.

Who are the people becoming sugar babies?

In 2017, there were about 740 registered sugar babies at Ryerson University.

This is about a 20 per cent increase from the previous year.

Students who register with their school email also receive a free premium membership on Seeking Arrangement.

This membership allows students to see who has viewed their profile and maximize their search options for potential partners, by searching for height, weight, ethnicity, marital status and more.

“Most people think that it’s a young girl having sex with an old man, but it’s not really like that,” Melissa said.

Most of the men Melissa meets from the website work on a “pay per meet” basis.

“They’re mostly old men paying young girls for companionship,” she said.

The men pay about $200 for going to dinner, as well as the bill, Melissa said.

After that, it is up to the sugar baby whether they want to engage in a sexual relationship, she said.

“You eat and then get paid for it,” she said. “If they invite you to go to go to a hotel it’s up to you.”

If the sugar baby accepts that invitation and has sex with their sugar daddy, they will receive more money, Melissa said.

“Even if you tell them no, they will still pay you for the date,” she said.

Seeking Arrangement even includes the annual income and net worth of the sugar daddies and sugar mommies on their personal profile. These numbers must be verified by the website before the user can begin looking for sugar babies.

Profiles also include relationship statuses varying from “single,” to “married but looking.”

Most of the men on the website are white and their profiles claim to be in their mid-40s, Melissa said.

She estimates she’s made about $4,000 from being a sugar baby.

After taking a break for nearly a year, she returned to the website when she became unemployed from her retail job.

“It’s empowering,” Melissa said. “You sit there and look pretty and you get paid for it.”

Melissa however, says people should not rely financially on being a sugar baby.

“I know some women on the site use it as their full-time job, which I don’t think should be the case,” she said. “You never know when your sugar daddy is going to die.”

Another Ryerson University student, who wished to remain anonymous, uses Seeking Arrangement as well, but she does not meet any of her sugar daddies in person. She said in an interview that instead, her relationships are purely online.

She will exchange nude photos, videos and Skype sessions for deposits to her PayPal, she said.

She first registered as a sugar baby in Grade 12 when a friend introduced her to Seeking Arrangement. She has been a sugar baby for over two years now, she said.

“It’s so much easier than working 8 hours a day,” she said. “You can work a half hour and make six times as much money.” She estimated she has made between $5,000 and $8,000 since becoming a sugar baby.

When asked if being a sugar baby is considered sex work, she hesitantly denied it.

“I think it’s a grey area for sure. I wouldn’t say its prostitution because normally prostitution is one and done, you don’t see them again, but this, you actually care about the person and you like them and want a relationship with them,” she said.

“I guess sometimes you feel a little bit guilty,” she said. “I don’t know if that’s a product of society frowning upon women sexualizing themselves, but I do.”

She was quick to counter this statement with a passionate speech about how being a sugar baby is the epitome of feminism.

“Feminism is about equality and being accepting of what everyone wants to do as long as it’s not harming others,” she said. “Being a sugar baby and being a sugar daddy, it’s both mutual, it’s consensual, both people are enjoying themselves. I think it’s hypocritical to say that [being a sugar baby] doesn’t align with feminism because it’s negating somebody’s personal life choices, which is exactly what feminism doesn’t want to do.”

It’s not all glitter and gold

Other women are not as quick to boast about the benefits of being a sugar baby.

A female Ryerson University student, who wished to remain anonymous, is reluctant to say she had been a sugar baby, despite admitting that is technically what the relationship was.

After joining Seeking Arrangement when she was 18, she met a man “old enough to be my dad,” she said, adding the two were in a relationship for about seven months.

“I was on my own for the first time,” she said. “I was just really missing adult conversation. I started doing it because I really did want to have a mentor,” she said. “We were both in it for different reasons.”

“I went into it because I was bored. I was getting sick of being surrounded by people my age,” she said. “I just needed to talk to an intelligent human being.”

Her sugar daddy had a condo in town where they would meet a few afternoons a week, drink wine and talk. They were physically involved, though she doesn’t consider that the reason she became a sugar baby, she said.

“No matter how attracted I was to this guy when we were talking, when it came to stuff in the bedroom, I just froze up,” she said. “I wouldn’t say I felt violated, but I just felt uncomfortable. Kind of embarrassed.”

Her sugar daddy would give her an envelope from his briefcase containing $400 after every meet, she said.

“I would always feel so uncomfortable at that part in particular,” she said. “I hate the idea of taking money from someone. It’s just so awkward.”

“It’s also really hard to say no when you’re a broke student,” she said. “I realized I was becoming too interested in the money aspect of it.”

“I think I got really lucky with him,” she said. “I had other friends who got in other relationships from Seeking Arrangement and they were really sleazy guys who were into crime,” she said.

In an interview, she recalled a night in Quebec when her friend had invited her out for a drive with her own sugar daddy. When she got into the car however, the sugar daddy brought prostitutes into the vehicle. The Ryerson student left the car and called a cab for her and her friend, insisting they go home immediately.

“I was young and dumb,” she said. “It’s very addictive.”

She said documentaries, exposés and Seeking Arrangement’s own promotion all glamorize the sugar baby lifestyle.

Sugar babies will try to sell you on the idea by saying they have no student debt and plenty of spending money, she said.

Below is one of Seeking Arrangement’s promotional videos for “Sugar Baby University,” which advertises the aforementioned glamorous sugar baby lifestyle.

Contrary to Melissa, this Ryerson student said she believes all sugar baby relationships revolve around sex, even if the sugar baby says they’re not physically involved.

“They don’t want to seem like they’re prostituting themselves, but that’s essentially what it is,” she said. “You shouldn’t just expect things in life because you’re young and pretty and desirable.”

“You should work hard for the things you want in life; they shouldn’t just come from a man’s wallet,” she said.

 Sugar daddies can find it tough too

On the other hand, one Ryerson University student said in an interview that he had been a sugar daddy for about three months in a rather unconventional sugar relationship.

The student, who also requested anonymity, became a sugar daddy last year when he was 20 years old. His sugar baby was 33, he said.

The pair met on the popular dating website, OKCupid.

“We started talking and she made it clear that she was financially stable,” he said. “For her, it was more the fact that she wanted someone to spoil her.”

The couple started meeting on a regular basis, three times a week. He would buy her lavish gifts of shoes or purses three times a month, he said.

He estimated in an interview that he spent more than $3,000 during the course of their relationship. In an interview, the student said he was able to afford this expensive because of his affluent background.

After the 3 months, he decided to break up, he said.

“For me, it was a rebound thing,” he said. He had recently gone through a serious break up, which encouraged him to try a sugar relationship.

“It wasn’t as bad as breaking up with someone you actually love,” he said. “The relationship wasn’t based on that. Before I got into it, I thought it would be amazing,” he said.

“I thought we would just be sleeping all the time and smoking weed and having fun, which we were doing, don’t get me wrong, but at least in my case she always seemed to be upset or depressed,” he said.

“It’s always in the back of your mind, she’s emotionally broken,” he said. “It was a bad experience. Not in terms of finance or anything but it was just weird. I felt bad for her.”

What do the experts think? 

Frank Kermit, a Montreal relationship and dating coach, has been counselling people on all things love, sex, dating and relationships for over 15 years. On his website Frank Talks, he advertises a number of counselling services, including those aimed at “older men dating younger women” and “older women dating.”

“Sugar babies and sugar daddies don’t think of themselves as being part of the sex trade,” he said. “It’s as close to prostitution as you can get without calling it prostitution.”

While he supports the legality of prostitution and says he is not against sugar arrangements, he has recognized a number of issues with sugar relationships through his counselling, he said.

“The key element to remember is that sugar arrangements are not a relationship, per say,” he said.

One of the faults in sugar arrangements is “the girlfriend experience,” he said. “By behaving and doing things that couples normally do, they start to have emotional attachments that they didn’t anticipate,” he said.

This includes such things as public displays of affection and going on dates. “The girlfriend experience” creates the potential for feelings of jealousy, which can cause turmoil in the arrangement for both parties, he said.

It is also often difficult for sugar babies to support themselves financially once their arrangement is over, as they are accustomed to a certain way of life, he said.

“If any of these sugar daddies cut them off, they’re not necessarily used to earning their own money through other means,” he said.

Kermit recalled in an interview that he counselled a sugar baby who dropped out of university once she found a sugar daddy.

“When someone is getting that kind of money on a regular basis, school may not be a priority for them anymore,” he said.

It isn’t just the sugar babies affected by this kind of arrangement either. In his experience, many sugar daddies he has counselled have become “socially dull,” he said. Once their arrangement is over, sugar daddies often do not know how to act around other women when they are not paying for their services, he said. The same behaviors that had been accepted by sugar babies, are no longer accepted by women these sugar daddies meet afterward, he said.

Sugar arrangements aren’t without benefit however. “Whether it’s money, whether it’s getting sex, or whether it’s getting certain experiences this person wouldn’t get without this arrangement, there is a positive,” he said. “That’s why people do it.”

People can often experiment with sexual fetishes in sugar relationships that they may be too nervous to try in conventional relationships, he said. Since all aspects of the arrangement are negotiated beforehand, these fetishes can be discussed early on. “Be clear about your boundaries and stick to them,” he said.

“The best way to make sugar relationships healthier is to stop calling it a relationship,” he said. “Call it what it is. Call it an arrangement.”

Sarah Do Couto

About The Author

My name is Sarah Do Couto and I’m a Ryerson University journalism student. I have a passion for writing about all things odd and unconventional.I was born and raised in Hamilton and grew up as a self-proclaimed theatre nerd.

E-mail: docouto.sarah@gmail.com
Phone number: 905-741-5099
Twitter: @sarahdocouto
Instagram: @sarah_docouto

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