FRANKTALKS.COM
  • Home
    • WHY HIRE FRANK?
    • QUIZ - Need Coaching?
  • COACHING SYSTEMS
    • BUY COACHING HERE
    • PER HOUR COACHING
    • DATING DEBRIEF
    • EMOTIONAL NEEDS SYSTEM
    • ADULT MALE VIRGINS SYSTEM
    • Single No More System
    • Couples Coaching System
    • Coping With Loss System
    • ACCOUNTABILITY COACHING
  • HEALTH
  • AUDIO
  • BOOKS
    • FRANÇAISE
    • ESPAÑOL
    • TADPOLE TALKS
    • AFFILIATES
    • OFF SITE AFFILIATES
  • BLOG
  • CONTACT
    • GUEST SPEAKER, Celebrity & PEER REVIEW
    • MEDIA
    • THE BEST MEDIA APPEARANCE

I Left The Love Of My Life, Now I'm Childless and Alone

7/13/2017

4 Comments

 
older women
Karen Cross Gives An Honest Account About Choices She Made

​I Left the Love of My Life

by Karen Cross (cir. 2013)


I left the love of my life because

I thought I could do better.

Now I'm childless and alone at 42


Laughing and dancing with my fiance at our engagement party, I thought I might actually burst with happiness. 

Surrounded by our family and friends, I looked at Matthew and felt certain I had met the man I was going to spend the rest of my life with.


Quite simply, he was my soulmate.

40+
one time happy couple
It all seemed so simple to my naïve, 19-year-old self.

​I was, I smugly told myself, the girl who had it all.


So why, 20 years later, do I find myself  single, childless and tormented by the fact that I have thrown away the only true chance of happiness I ever had?


Eight years after that wonderful engagement party in 1989,
I walked away from dear, devoted, loyal Matthew,
convinced that somewhere out there,
a better, more exciting,
more fulfilling life awaited me.

Only there wasn't. 


Now I am 42
and have all the trappings of success
- a high-flying career, financial security
and a home in the heart of London's trendy Notting Hill.

But I don't have the one thing I crave more than anything:

a loving husband and family.


'My father warned me not to throw this love away. But I was sure I'd find Mr Perfect around the corner'


You see, I never did find another man
who offered everything Matthew did,
who understood me and loved me like he did.
Someone who was my best friend as well as my lover. 



Today, seeing friends
with their children around them
tortures me,
as I know I am unlikely ever
to have a family of my own.

I think about the times
Matthew and I talked about having children,
even discussing the names we would choose.

I cannot believe I turned my back
on so much happiness.



Instead, here I am back on the singles market,
looking for the very thing
I discarded with barely a backward glance
all those years ago.


I know I can't have Matthew back,
and it hurts when I hear
snippets of information
about his life
and how content he is.

Fifteen years after I ended our relationship,
he is happily married.

​

At this time of year, so many people will be assessing their lives and relationships, wondering if the grass is greener on the other side.

Many will mistake contentment for boredom, forgetting to cherish the good things they have.

I would urge those who are considering walking away from such riches to think again.

How different things would be for me now if only I'd listened to Matthew when he pleaded with me not to leave him in 1997,
tears pouring down his face.

I was crying too,
and it tortured me
to watch the heart of the man I loved
breaking in front of me.

But I was resolute.


'One day I might look back and realize 
I've made the biggest mistake of my life,'
I told him as we clung to each other desperately.

How prophetic those words have proven to be.

'I will always be here for you,'
Matthew promised.

And I, arrogantly,
thought that somehow
I could put him on ice and return to him.

Matthew and I met when we attended the same comprehensive school in Essex.

We started dating just before Christmas 1987 when I was 17 and studying for my A-levels.

By that time he had left school and was working as a motorcycle courier.

We got on like a house on fire, and our  families each supported the relationship.

Before long, we had fallen in love.

Matthew was romantic but incredibly practical, something that would later come to annoy me.

​His gifts to me that Christmas were a leather jacket - and a pair of thermal leggings.


scot mckay
Sign Up For Frank Coaching

Two weeks later, when we'd been seeing each other for less than a month, he proposed.  

We were in my little Mini Clubman when he shouted at me to stop the car.

Scared something was wrong, I braked in the middle of traffic and we both jumped out. 


Then, oblivious to the other drivers beeping their horns, he got down on one knee in the middle of the road.

'I love you, Karen Cross,' he said.

'Promise you'll marry me one day.'

I laughed and said yes, thrilled that he felt the same way that I did.
 

In the summer of 1989, while out for a romantic meal, Matthew proposed properly with a diamond solitaire ring.

​Two months later, we held our engagement party for 40 friends and family at the little house we were renting at the time.



older women dating
one time happy couple

The following year, we bought a tiny starter home in Grays, Essex, which we moved into with furniture
we had begged, borrowed and stolen.


We giggled with delight at the thought of this grown-up new life.


I was in my first junior role at a women's magazine
and Matthew worked fitting tyres and exhausts,
so our combined salaries of around £15,000 a year
meant we struggled to make the mortgage payments.


But we didn't care,
telling ourselves that it wouldn't be long before
we were earning more
and able to afford weekly treats
and a bigger home
where we could bring up the babies we had planned.



But then,
the housing market crashed
and we were plunged into negative equity.



Struggling should have brought us closer together,
and at first it did.

But as time went on,
and my magazine career - and salary - advanced,

​I started to resent Matthew
as he drifted from one dead-end job to another.




I still loved him,
but I began to feel embarrassed by his blue-collar jobs,
annoyed that,
despite his intelligence,
he didn't have a career.


Then he bought a lurid blue and pink VW  Beetle. 



Why couldn't he drive a normal car?


Things that now seem incredibly insignificant began to niggle.


​
I began to wish he was more sophisticated and earned more.

I felt envious of friends with better-off partners,
who were able to support them as they started their families. 


I stopped seeing Matthew as my equal.

I stopped seeing all the qualities that had made me fall in love with him - his fierce intelligence, our shared sense of humour, his determination not to follow the crowd.

Instead,
I saw someone who was holding me back. 
​

​
karen cross
Coaching Workbook For Her To Make The Most Of Her Time

I encouraged him to find a career
and was thrilled when he was accepted
to join the police in 1995.

It should have heralded a new chapter in our lives,
but it only hastened the end.

We went from spending every evening
and weekend together,
to hardly seeing one another.

Matthew was doing round-the-clock shifts,
while I worked long hours
on the launch of a new magazine. 


Our sex life had dwindled
and nights out together were rare.

I stopped appreciating little things he did,
like leaving romantic notes on the pillow
or scouring secondhand bookshops
for novels he knew I'd love.

He was my best friend,
yet I took him totally for granted. 



After festering for weeks about his shortcomings,
I told Matthew I was leaving.

We spent hours talking and crying
as he tried to convince me to stay,
but I was adamant. 


My parents were horrified
that I was walking away
from a man they felt was right for me.

My father's words to me that day continue to haunt me.

'Karen, think carefully about what you're doing.
There's a lot to be said for someone who truly loves you
.'




older women dating sites
one time happy couple

But, I refused to listen,
convinced there would be another,
better Mr Right waiting around the corner.


I moved into a rented flat a few miles away
in Hornchurch, Essex,
and embraced single life
with a vengeance.

By now I was an editor on a national magazine.
Life was one long round of premieres
and dinner or drinks parties.


Matthew and I remained close,
even telling each other about new relationships.

But though I'd dumped him,
I never felt the women he met were good enough.
I can see now I was acting out of jealousy.
I clearly wanted to keep him for myself.



Our closeness was,
however, called to a halt in 2000
when he met his first serious girlfriend after me, Sara.
 

One night shortly after his 34th birthday,
I phoned to ask his advice about something. 


Matthew was unusually abrupt
and asked me not to call him again.

'Please don't send me birthday or Christmas cards
any more either.
Sara opened your card last week
and was really upset.
I have to put her feelings first.'



I hated the fact Matthew
was suddenly putting another woman before me.

How dare she come between us!

Over the next few weeks,
I'm ashamed to say
I vented my spleen at both of them
in a series of heated phone calls. 



I was completely irrational.

I didn't want Matthew back,
but felt upstaged by Sara.  



Unsurprisingly,
after one particularly nasty argument,

Matthew put the phone down
and refused to take any more of my calls.

I didn't realize it at the time,
but I would never speak to him again. 



Shortly afterwards,
I met Richard.
It was a whirlwind romance,
and within a year we were engaged
and buying an idyllic farmhouse
in the Norfolk countryside
while I continued my journalistic career,
commuting to London. 


He was a successful singer
and, as we toured the country,
I thought I had finally found
the excitement and love
that I craved.



But Matthew was never far from my thoughts,
and Richard complained
that I often brought him into conversations,
even comparing them both.


They were so different.

Although outwardly romantic,
Richard was repeatedly unfaithful,
and I never felt secure enough
to start a family with him.

Eventually,
after three-and-a-half years together,
he walked out,
having admitted his latest paramour
was pregnant by him. 



My life fell apart.

Over the next year,
I struggled to pull myself back together
and did a lot of soul-searching.

I finally understood what my father had meant.

I realized Matthew was the only person
who had loved and understood me.



When I heard through a mutual friend
that he had split up with Sara,
I wrote to him,
apologising and asking for forgiveness
- and a second chance.

It was six years since we had last spoken,
but naively I thought he would want to hear from me.



What I didn't know
was that Sara
was still living at the house
and it was she
who opened
my very personal letter.

It included my phone number,
and she left me several angry,
hurtful voicemails. 




Yet again,
I had inadvertently caused problems
in Matthew's life,
so it was unsurprising
I never heard from him,
despite writing several times
over the next few months.

In the end,
I left it at birthday
and Christmas cards,
thinking he'd find a way
to get in touch
if he ever changed his mind.



Then, I heard a couple of years ago
Matthew had married
his new partner, Nicola.

For a few moments I couldn't breathe,
then the tears came.



Matthew and Nicola still live in Essex
and, as far as I know, don't yet have children.

That's the next milestone I truly dread. 


It's been 11 years since Matthew and I last spoke,
and I have to accept that door has closed. 


Perhaps he has found what  he is looking for
and I am a distant memory.


I have had one other 
significant relationship since Richard
- with Rob -
but that recently ended after four years.

Rob reminded me a lot of Matthew.
He was decent and honourable,
the life and soul of the party but with a kind and sensitive side. 


But we were each too jaded
by previous heartbreak to make it work.


And while I wanted children,
he had a grown-up son and didn't want to start over again.

So once again I am on my own,
my mind full of 'if-onlys'.
If only I'd stayed with Matthew,
we'd almost certainly be married with children. 


Or, maybe Matthew wasn't the right man.
I will never know  the answer,
but my decision to leave him
has definitely cost me the chance
of ever becoming a mother.


Now I can only look back
and admonish my selfish,
younger self.

When I visit friends and family back in our home town,
I can't help but hope I'll bump into  Matthew.


I'd like to think I'd say sorry.
That I will always be there for him.
But I wouldn't be surprised
if he turned his back on me and kept walking. 


To those out there thinking of walking away from humdrum relationships,

I would say don't mistake contentment for unhappiness, as I did.

It could be a choice you'll regret for the rest of your life.



karen cross headshot
Karen Cross



​About The Author:

Karen Cross is the author of the article above. It has been republished here with her permission.






karen cross
donate now

4 Comments
Illarion B Bykov
7/14/2017 06:18:33 pm

A very common story among the generations raised on Sex and The City/Twilight/50 Shades of Grey. This genre of propaganda-disguised-as-entertainment leads women to believe that for every average woman there is a Mr. Big/Beautiful Vampire Prince/Male Model Billionaire out there, somewhere, waiting to meet her and make her the love of his life and the only woman in the world for him. So take a pass on the great boy next door, and go out there and find your Prince, who is Just Around The Corner (tm)

Let's do the math. The number of single women in the world is over a billion. The number of young, handsome billionaires in the world is less than 10.

Odds against an average woman ever meeting a billionaire prince: millions to one against.

Chance of him committing the rest of his life to an average woman and keeping his promise? Absolute zero.

Reply
Francisco
7/14/2017 08:07:50 pm

I find it curious that she lost respect for him, and resented him for holding her back, and that she moved on to better herself. Yet, she pretty much considered him to be in a kind of relationship with her. Other women in his life would surely be put off by this. This story says allot about the women of my generation: Stuck between two worlds, trying to get the best of both.

Reply
LaughAtKarenCross
12/13/2021 07:41:14 pm

It's pretty funny how the lack of self awareness Karen still has for a man she pretty much told off so she could chase "bigger and better" dic... woops I mean men. At least she got a house from that Rockstar loser that left her high and dry though hopefully the taxes won't be cheap.

Hope we have more Karen Crosses in this world so that we can all laugh at their miserable poor choices in life, like how she left the guy she married for a guy that didn't care about her only to want the guy she married and left back but get absolutely cucked by the woman he is currently married to.

Reply
codybecth link
6/2/2022 12:49:22 pm

Great Article! Thank you for sharing this is a very informative post, and looking forward to the latest one

Reply



Leave a Reply.

    RSS Feed

    Categories

    All
    Adult Male Virgins
    Break Up / Divorce
    Cheating / Infidelity
    Closure
    Coaching
    Communication
    Confidence
    Coping With Loss
    Date Night Recipes
    Dating
    Dating First Dates
    Dating Online Dating
    Dating Speed Dating
    Emotional Needs
    Engagement Proposal
    Français French
    Français - French
    Friends
    Health & Fitness
    Holidays
    In Memory Tribute
    Kink Fetish BDSM
    LGBTQ+
    Marriage
    Media / Podcasts
    Mental Health
    Monogamy
    Non Monogamy
    Older Men
    Older Women
    Parenting
    Q&A Frank Advice
    Relationships
    Romance
    Seduction
    Sex
    Sex Work
    Single
    Swingers Lifestyle
    Testimonial
    Wedding
    ZZZ...

    Archives

    January 2023
    October 2022
    September 2022
    July 2022
    May 2022
    March 2022
    February 2022
    January 2022
    December 2021
    November 2021
    October 2021
    September 2021
    August 2021
    July 2021
    June 2021
    May 2021
    April 2021
    March 2021
    February 2021
    January 2021
    December 2020
    November 2020
    October 2020
    August 2020
    July 2020
    June 2020
    May 2020
    April 2020
    March 2020
    February 2020
    January 2020
    December 2019
    November 2019
    October 2019
    September 2019
    July 2019
    June 2019
    May 2019
    April 2019
    March 2019
    February 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016

    Picture

    ABOUT FRANK

    Frank Kermit MA, is an expert Relationship & Dating Coach with 25 years of experience. He is an author of original content books, eBooks and audio products.  he has written  many publications online and in print. He is frequently asked to be a guest speaker for media and events.

    MEDIA 
    APPEARANCE


    ****

    TBA


    Thank Frank Kermit
    Donate To The Tadpole Education Fund When You Want To THANK FRANK
    Coaching with Frank Kermit
    TAKE CHARGE OF YOUR LIFE. SIGN UP FOR COACHING NOW!
    incel toronto
    The Adult Male Virgin Program
    THE ADULT MALE VIRGINS HANDBOOK BY FRANK KERMIT
    LOSE YOUR VIRGINITY IN 90 DAYS!
    NOW WHAT? UNIQUE WAYS TO CATER TO HER SEXUAL E.N.A BY FRANK KERMIT
    YOU ARE NO LONGER A VIRGIN BUT YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO IN BED. GO FROM FORGOTTEN TO UNFORGETTABLE!
    inceltears
    Coaching For Singles Looking For Love
    I'M A MAN THAT'S MY JOB WORKBOOK BY FRANK KERMIT
    BUILD YOUR CONFIDENCE! BUY THE COACHING WORKBOOK FOR MEN TODAY!
    I'M A WOMAN IT'S MY TIME WORKBOOK BY FRANK KERMIT
    THERE IS COACHING WORKBOOK FOR WOMEN. TAKE CHARGE OF YOUR LIFE TODAY!
     love coaching quotes
    BUY DATING AND RELATIONSHIP COACHING WITH FRANK KERMIT
    EVERYTHING OUT OF HER MOUTH IS A TEST BY FRANK KERMIT
    DO YOU KNOW THE EMOTIONAL NEEDS OF WOMEN?
    THE EMOTIONAL NEEDS ANALYSIS OF WOMEN WORKBOOK BY FRANK KERMIT
    LEARN TO SPOT THE EMOTIONAL NEEDS OF WOMEN IN YOUR DAILY LIFE
    MASTERING THE EMOTIONAL NEEDS OF MEN ALLY VS ENEMY BY FRANK KERMIT
    DO YOU KNOW THE EMOTIONAL NEEDS OF MEN?
    THE EMOTIONAL NEEDS ANALYSIS OF MEN WORKBOOK BY FRANK KERMIT
    LEARN TO SPOT THE EMOTIONAL NEEDS OF MEN IN YOUR DAILY LIFE
    couples counseling
    Couples Coaching
    MONOGAMY AND NON MONOGAMY EDITION VOLUME 3  BY FRANK KERMIT
    AN EXPLORATION OF MONOGAMY & NON MONOGAMY LIFESTYLES
    50 ARTICLES VOLUME 2 BY FRANK KERMIT
    50 ARTICLES ON THE TOPICS OF LOVE, SEX, DATING AND RELATIONSHIPS
    100 ARTICLES VOLUME 1 BY FRANK KERMIT
    YOURS FREE WHEN YOU SIGN UP FOR THE E-NEWSLETTER
    loss grief quotes
    Coping With Loss Coaching
    101 GREAT FIRST DATES 25 RULES FOR EVERYONE HOW TO ACT ON A FIRST DATE BY FRANK KERMIT
    A FAST READ TO GET YOU OUT THERE AND DATING!
    101 GREAT FIRST DATES WHAT TO SAY FRANK KERMIT
    ONCE YOU GET THE DATE READ THIS TO KNOW WHAT TO SAY.
    101 GREAT FIRST DATES WHERE TO GO BY FRANK KERMIT
    WHERE DO YOU GO ON YOUR DATES? READ THIS EASY GUIDE AND FIND SOMEWHERE NEW
    THE FRANK GUIDE TO SPEED DATING MAKE THE MOST OF YOUR MINUTES TOGETHER BY FRANK KERMIT
    MAKE A GREAT IMPRESSION WHEN YOU ARE SHORT ON TIME
    accountability coach app
    Accountability Coach to help you reach your goals each day
    THE FRANK STORYTELLING PROGRAM FOR DATING WORKBOOK BY FRANK KERMIT
    STORYTELLING IS A SOCIAL SKILL YOU CAN LEARN.
    HOW TO BUILD A SOCIAL CIRCLE NETWORK BY FRANK KERMIT
    A STEP BY STEP GUIDE TO BUILD AND MANAGE YOUR SOCIAL LIFE.
    THE ART OF CALIBRATION PROGRAM FROM CREEPY TO CHARISMA BY FRANK KERMIT
    LEARN THE SOCIAL CUES YOU HAVE BEEN MISSING
    DATING YOUNGER WOMEN A GUIDE FOR OLDER MEN BY FRANK KERMIT
    LISTEN HOW TO DATE A YOUNGER WOMEN AND BEAT OUT YOUR YOUNGER MALE COMPETITION!
    FROM FRIENDS TO LOVERS: STOP BEING HER EMOTIONAL COOKIE MAN BY FRANK KERMIT
    GET OUT OF THE FRIEND ZONE RIGHT NOW!
    HOW TO STEAL HER AWAY FROM A JERK BY FRANK KERMIT
    WHY IS SHE WITH A JERK? IS SHE WORTH THE EFFORT YOU WANT TO MAKE TO STEAL HER FROM HIM?
    FROM LOSER TO SEDUCER: THE AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF FRANK KERMIT BY FRANK KERMIT
    FROM ALONE AND CONFUSED TO INTERNATIONAL RELATIONSHIP & DATING EXPERT
    THE POWER OF CHOICE: HOW TO DATE MULTIPLE WOMEN HONESTLY
    HOW TO USE EMOTIONAL NEEDS ANALYSIS TO MAKE MULTIPLE WOMEN FEEL UNIQUE AND SPECIAL IN AN HONEST WAY
    HOW TO BE THE ETHICAL SEDUCER BY FRANK KERMIT
    LEARN THE ETHICS OF SEDUCTION FOR MEN AND WOMEN
    PIMPING YOUR PAD BY FRANK KERMIT
    FROM BORING BACHELOR PAD TO STYLISH AND SENSUAL. SIMPLE, EASY, STEPS TO TAKE TO TRANSFORM YOUR SPACE
    ALTERNATIVE RELATIONSHIP CHOICES NON-MONOGAMY BY FRANK KERMIT
    HOW TO HAVE ALTERNATIVE RELATIONSHIPS IN AN NON-ALTERNATIVE SOCIETY
    MAKING MONOGAMY WORK WHEN ONE IS ALL YOUR NEED BY FRANK KERMIT
    LEARN HOW TO BE SUCCESSFUL IN A MONOGAMOUS RELATIONSHIP
    SEX, LIES AND CONFUSION.  FRANK ADVICE FOR REAL LIFE BY FRANK KERMIT
    100 QUESTIONS THAT OTHERS WERE AFRAID TO ANSWER.
    FrankTalks.com
    TODO LO QUE SALE DE SU BOCA ES UNA PRUEBA -EVERYTHING OUT OF HER MOUTH IS A TEST VERSION EN ESPAÑOL EBOOK
    FrankTalks.com
    JE SUIS UN HOMME. C'EST MON JOB.- I'M A MAN THAT'S MY JOB VERSION FRANÇAISE EBOOK
    Franktalks.com sponsor

    USB Charger image
    Charger
    PMC Media Logo
    PMC Media Production

    Dr. Laurie Betito Quotes
    Franks Romance Formula
    in her new book The Sex Bible For People Over 50.

    Sex Bible book cover
    Sex Bible for 50
    NEW! The Sex Bible For People Over 50: The Complete Guide To Sexual Love For Mature Couples
    Match Maker Logo
    High End Match Making
    leonard irwin headshot
    Leonard Irwin - Medium
    Event Planner logo
    Natalka Gach Lee
Frank Kermit of franktalks.com
FRANK KERMIT MA
EXPERT RELATIONSHIP COACH
​HELPING PEOPLE CONNECT

IN MONTREAL CALL FRANK
REST OF CANADA & USA CALL FRANK
franktalks.com logo

ALL COACHING IS BY TELEPHONE OR SKYPE ONLY

INTERNATIONAL CLIENTS  ARE WELCOME

*INTERNATIONAL CLIENTS ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR LONG DISTANCE PHONE CHARGES, +1 Canada/USA*

SKYPE IS PREFERRED.
IT'S FREE AND EASY TO USE FROM ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD


TELEPHONE: +1-514-680-3278

EMAIL: frank@franktalks.com
​

SKYPE: frank kermit
PLEASE NOTE THAT ALL SALES ARE FINAL. NO REFUNDS OR EXCHANGES
  • Home
    • WHY HIRE FRANK?
    • QUIZ - Need Coaching?
  • COACHING SYSTEMS
    • BUY COACHING HERE
    • PER HOUR COACHING
    • DATING DEBRIEF
    • EMOTIONAL NEEDS SYSTEM
    • ADULT MALE VIRGINS SYSTEM
    • Single No More System
    • Couples Coaching System
    • Coping With Loss System
    • ACCOUNTABILITY COACHING
  • HEALTH
  • AUDIO
  • BOOKS
    • FRANÇAISE
    • ESPAÑOL
    • TADPOLE TALKS
    • AFFILIATES
    • OFF SITE AFFILIATES
  • BLOG
  • CONTACT
    • GUEST SPEAKER, Celebrity & PEER REVIEW
    • MEDIA
    • THE BEST MEDIA APPEARANCE