The end of a relationship can make you feel like you're out of control. Even if you're the one to initiate it, ending a relationship means that a lot of things in your life can change. You might make the decision to end the relationship, but a lot of other changes can come along with it that you don't necessarily want to plan for.
You can take control at the end of a relationship, whether you initiate it, your partner does, or it's a mutual breakup. By taking a proactive and pragmatic approach, you can plan to come out stronger. That doesn't mean you have to shut away your feelings or pretend it's not affecting you. In fact, it can make it easier to face your emotions, as well as some of the practical changes. Here's how you can be proactive when your relationship is ending.
Make a Plan
You can feel pretty unmoored when your relationship ends. You're used to your life being a certain way and now it's going to change. The first thing you can do to try and get control and minimize the impact of your breakup is make a plan. There are several things you might need to plan to help yourself prepare. If you're leaving together, what happens next? Is one of you moving out and if so, who? If you're moving out, where will you go? If your ex is moving out, how will you cover the bills? Thinking about practical issues like this will help you to get ready.
Book Some Therapy Sessions
Even if you're taking a practical and proactive approach to handling a breakup or divorce, you don't have to ignore your feelings. Pushing away your emotions isn't going to help you in the long run and it will most likely all come back to bite you eventually. If you want to be really proactive, consider booking some therapy sessions to help you process everything. It will give you space to talk about how you're feeling and what to do next. You might even find that seeing a therapist is useful for other things too and decide to continue.
Get Your Legal Ducks in a Row
The end of a relationship can mean dealing with legal matters, even if you're not married. If you are married, you might need to start looking for a divorce attorney to help you with the process. Not every divorce requires lawyers, but they are definitely helpful if you and your spouse can't agree on the terms of the divorce. If you're not married, you could still have legal issues surrounding child custody, shared property, or other matters that come with entangling your life with someone else's.
Create a New Routine
One of the most noticeable things about the end of a relationship is how your routine changes. Suddenly, someone who has been in your life is no longer there. Many things can change, from where you live to what your bedtime routine is like. Creating a new routine for yourself can help you to get back into the swing of things if you feel like you've been thrown off-kilter. You might need to find new ways to fill your evenings or build a routine that works better for you as a single person.
Spend Time with Yourself
Learning to be alone again can be tough if you've been in a relationship for a long time or you're a serial monogamist. Some people aren't used to being single and can struggle to be on their own. But instead of jumping straight into another relationship, it's a good idea to spend time with yourself. When you have some alone time or even allow yourself to be with friends and family more instead of looking for a new relationship, you can learn new things about yourself. You can get comfortable with being single so, even if you want a new relationship, you don't feel like you need one.
Learn from Your Mistakes
The end of a relationship can give you the chance to look forward to a better future. One of the things you can do is try to learn from your past mistakes before you start a new relationship. What were the things that went wrong? What did you always regret or wish was different? Avoiding the same mistakes could help you to find a relationship that's better than your last one.
It can take time to process the end of a relationship, but taking action as soon as you can is a good way to come out of it a stronger person.
Dr. Laurie Betito Quotes