Relationships are not like in the movies, where everything falls into place perfectly. Continue reading to learn 4 important key points you need to have before you enter a serious relationship.
You might want one, you might crave one, you might feel all kinds of sad and bad for not being in one. However, if you’re not ready for a serious relationship, then you shouldn’t be willing to try and jump headfirst into one. You need to take the time to identify what it means to be and make sure you tick all boxes.
Don’t be on the rebound
If you’ve just been through a tough breakup, it might be tempting to try and fill the hole that someone else’s companionship, company, and affection used to be in. However, trying to pigeon someone into that hole is going to end disastrously. You need time to get okay with being alone again so that a partner can be a great support and addition, rather than a necessity. Take the time to build up your confidence again and be okay with being you. This doesn’t mean you can’t have some fun out there, but don’t go looking for the next big thing immediately.
You need to make sure that you’re not in a position to become entirely reliant on someone else right away. It’s an easy way to get stuck in a one-sided relationship in which abusive or co-dependent dynamics can easily form. If you don’t have a stable place to live, make that your first priority. If you’re not working, sign up and get verified for job boards. If you don’t have any friends, work on having them first. Don’t isolate yourself, leaving yourself vulnerable to those who might take advantage.
Make sure you have room for them
We all live increasingly atomised lives, meaning that a lot of us haven’t really gotten very good at making time for people in our community. If you find that a lot of your time is taken up by solo pursuits, you should look into starting hobbies that you can take part in with others and, in general, try to spend some more of your time with other people. A lot of people who spend most of their time alone can be surprised how annoying it can feel to have demands on their time and attention, even if that’s exactly what they asked for. You need to make room for others.
Be ready to change
A lot of people want a more serious relationship because they want the deeper intimacy and the connection that comes with it. However, we are formed by those relationships and if you’re ready and willing to change for the sake of it, it is not going to work out in the long-term Recognize your strengths and your weaknesses, come to terms with the difficulties you have and start working on them now.
Of course, there’s no real, formal checklist that determines whether or not you’re ready for a real relationship. But you should at least try to make sure you have your own ducks in a row before jumping into a long-term commitment with someone else.
Dr. Laurie Betito Quotes