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Seeing Ghosts: Ghosting and Online Dating
Seeing Ghosts (the online Houdini’s are everywhere on Tinder)
By Carrie Joyner
The first time I heard the expression “ghosting” was when I was driving in the car, listening to a celebrity report on the radio about a famous couple where they said “rumors are that so and so has just been ghosted by so and so”.
I remember thinking to myself “what the hell does that mean?”
After a quick Urban Dictionary search (my go-to site for finding out what things like BBW, FWB and BBG mean and the likes), here is what I found:
Top Definition
Ghosting:
The act of suddenly ceasing all communication with someone the subject is dating, but no longer wishes to date. This is done in hopes that the ghostee will just "get the hint" and leave the subject alone, as opposed to the subject simply telling them he/she is no longer interested. Ghosting is not specific to a certain gender and is closely related to the subject's maturity and communication skills.
Many attempt to justify ghosting as a way to cease dating the ghostee without hurting their feelings, but it in fact proves the subject is thinking more of themselves, as ghosting often creates more confusion for the ghostee than if the subject kindly stated how he/she feels.
Example:
Carmen: How was your second date with Kyle?
Beth: I thought it went well, but I've texted him a couple of times since then and he's been ghosting me.
Carmen: What? I thought he was more mature than that.
#ignore #ignoring #igging #avoid #avoiding #ghosting #ghost
I feel you, Beth.
When it comes to the wonderful world of Tinder, there are certain things that you just can’t explain and really leave you scratching your head in the “ WTH just happened there?” kind of way.
I am talking about conversations, however long or short, where the person just drops off the face of the Tinderverse.
Their profiles are still active, sometimes they don’t even bother unmatching you- they just don’t want to communicate anymore.
If the definition really means actually going on a date with someone and then just never hearing from them again, this applies to me, as well.
The first 3 in-person Tinder dates seemed to go really well.
They were sexy men, could hold a conversation, there seemed to
be chemistry...but at the end of each of those dates came a request to come back to my place.
Not really my style,
so I would playfully decline and then POOF.
They were gone.
One of them went to the bathroom after the bill was paid and didn’t even bother to say goodbye. He texted me right after saying he thought I had left, so he left.
Who does that?
Then he asked to see me again,
I said sure (he was a 10 hot)...
giving him the benefit of the doubt,
and then he “ghosted”.
Why go to the trouble of asking for a second date if there was never any intention on actually setting one up?
Trying to navigate the online dating (or arguably- the online hook up) world is at times confusing, tedious and well, to be brutally honest, hurtful.
There must be some sort
of Tinder behavior code, memo or manual
that I never got to read.
I can’t tell you how many hot guys
I have matched with who
a.) never bothered to say anything,
or
b.) say something super basic and then once they get a reply
...ghost.
My favorite one was a guy who asked to connect on messenger, asked me if I wanted to go over to his place for wine and a massage, asked me for a full body pic, and when I said he could just go check on Facebook, he said “the fact that you won’t send me one proves my point”.
I responded “the fact that you want our first date to be at your place, involve being naked contingent on seeing my full body pic, proves mine!”
At least after I said “Good luck and BYE!”
I got a reply...it was this: “CYA”. Perfect.
That is not a ghost, just a jerk.
The light at the end of my tunnel (no pun intended) is that for the past few weeks I have been seeing and really falling for a Tinder dude. He was walking up to my place yesterday and I actually got butterflies for the first time in a long time. We will see where it goes, but I am hoping he doesn’t one day just turn into a ghost, too.
-Carrie Joyner
Author, Carrie Joyner
About The Author
Carrie Joyner is
a regular contributor to the
FrankTalks.com/Blog
To Read Her Last Post:
http://www.franktalks.com/blog/swiping-right-on-tinder-jumping-in-to-online-dating
2 Comments
Brilliant work - nice that real people out there say what has to be saiand no ghosting - women like you deserve a lot better than tinder - some real wood for the fire keeps things burning! Wait, keep your obvious dignity and wait until a real man turns up!!
Fab piece! Love how authentic you are sister! So, in turn here goes... I'm SO guilty!!!! Not gonna lie, I've ghosted a few Tinder guys after the first date went to shit! I even agreed to date #2 all smiles then BAM delete + block. I agree, it's rude and slightly childish but honestly, it was easier than having to justify myself to a stranger. Engaging in pointless banter & explanations and perhaps even risking their anger or discontent. No thank you. Guess I'm a princess (or a chicken) that way! NEXT! ;)
