The Hierarchy of Sex, Dating and Relationships
By Frank Kermit
One of the biggest mistakes people make in relationships is to promote someone up the hierarchy of commitment that has not really earned it.
The Ten Levels of Commitment In the hierarchy of relationships (specifically romantic relationships), the categories are:
From least committal (Toxic) to most committal (Legal Spouse).
Below is a Chart from the chapter The Hierarchy of Dating and Relationships from my coaching workbooks. One of the principles I teach in my coaching workbooks for men and women, "I'm A Man, That's My Job" and "I'm a Woman, It's My Time" respectively is that to make any relationship work is that COMMITMENT MUST BE EARNED.
For example, let's say the person you are casually dating (non-exclusive partner) is someone that drinks alcohol regularly, but your personal criteria for a spouse is someone that rarely drinks at all.
The reason being that there is no point in getting exclusive with someone if there is no long term possibility with that person. Even if you are madly in love with that person, you still must resist the temptation to seek a stronger commitment with that person.
When you take your relationship to the next level (promote your partner up the hierarchy) it has to be based on how your partner continues to prove he or she satisfies your personal criteria.
And when you demote a partner down the hierarchy (from exclusive partner to friends-with-benefits) it cannot be because you "just are not feeling it right now".
It has to be because they have stop satisfying your criteria.
How you feel about a person plays less of a role in emotionally healthy relationships that most people think.
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