Some things are inevitable. First dates are one of those things. Whether you’re the kind of person who has a go-to first date outfit ready to go, or you’re bombarding your friends with messages asking for advice, we’ve all been through that difficult first stage in getting to know someone new.
With the pressure of trying to act natural while hoping that she likes you and laughs at your jokes, first dates can sometimes feel like an interview. First dates are nerve-wracking, they’re also a great way to meet different people and see what potential you may have with them. In order to stay calm, here are some ways to feel more confident on a first date.
Most of us have an idea of the kind of person that we want to be with. Whether you’re picturing someone who loves foreign movies or someone who likes to spend their weekends outdoors, we feel like we know what our perfect date is like.
This is a great way to recognize your expectations, but it shouldn’t be a determining factor on whether the relationship will work out or not. No matter how sure you are of what your ideal match is like, there’s no guarantee that someone who ticks off everything on your checklist will actually fit with your lifestyle. Go on dates with an open mind, and you might find that traits you’ve never thought about are attractive to you, and be pleasantly surprised by the people you meet.
Prepare For The Conversation
The pressure of maintaining a conversation is probably the main reason that people feel nervous about a first date. This is natural. A big part of the date should (hopefully) be taken up with the conversation. You need to learn about your date and find out about their likes, hobbies, and cares.
No matter how well you feel the date is going, it can be comforting to have some open-ended questions in the back of your mind, ready to go if you hit a dry patch. Don’t memorize a script, but prepare for any silences so you don’t panic if they happen. By doing this, you can make it less likely that conversation will go stale, and increase your confidence.
Be Yourself Without Overthinking It
Whether you’re worried about where you should put your hands, what food you should order, or whether she’s noticed that you didn’t have time to iron your shirt, it can be easy to get caught up in overthinking about things that you’ve never really thought before. Instead of letting yourself spiral and get stressed, take some deep breaths.
Remember that there’s a reason that your date wants to get to know you more, and that has everything to do with who you are and nothing to do with you accidentally knocking your fork off the table when you sat down. Be yourself. Don’t hold back when you talk about things that matter to you. The people who are right for you will appreciate you for who are you.
Be yourself, but the best you. For example, if you’re a funny person, tell jokes, but remember it’s not a stand-up show. If you wear glasses and feel awkward about them, go here for a chic new pair that will make you feel good, but still you.
Don’t Take What Happens Personally
It’s hard to not second-guess yourself during a date when you’re being vulnerable just by showing up for a first date. The thoughts that begin stacking up in your head can range from worrying about whether you’ll get a second date, to worrying about whether you’re going out with the right women.
To explain your date’s actions, or why she doesn’t seem interested after the date, it can be easy to look back at what went wrong and how you could have behaved differently. You fret that make you didn’t laugh at her jokes enough, or that you disagreed with something she said. The more you dwell on things like this, the quicker you’ll fall into blaming yourself.
The trick to avoid falling into these toxic thought patterns, you need to realize that being yourself is enough. You shouldn’t have to change yourself in the hope that your date finds you interesting and attractive. If somebody wants to get to know you, nothing will stop them. If they don’t, nothing you can do differently will make them.
Remember Your Date Is Also Human
While you’re wondering if your date can somehow tell that you were so nervous you had to change your shirt three times, your date is probably worrying about something equally trivial. You’re both nervous and pretending that you aren’t.
When we get so involved in our own thoughts and feelings, it can be easy to forget that other people have very similar experiences. In this case, that’s nerves. By reminding yourself that your date is a human, you can recognize that the date is for both of you to discover if there’s something to explore once the nervousness has passed.
Set Your Intention Before The Date
Rather than thinking only about what you want from the other person, it can help to go into the first date thinking about what you want for yourself. Do you want to have fun getting to know someone new? Do you want a fun night out? Do you want an excuse to try out that new restaurant that just opened? Setting an intention helps to ground you, and gives you something to fall back on if nerves rise. Remember to breathe. What matters is remembering your intention to stay present with yourself.
Write Down Compliments You Receive
Most of us just brush off the compliments we get without giving them a second thought, but by doing this, you’re overlooking a valuable opportunity to boost your confidence and improve your sense of self. The next time someone gives you a compliment, take a moment to absorb it and write it down. By writing down what others say they like about you, you can train yourself to value and remember these thoughts. When you write things down, your brain is triggered to remember them.
Before your date, if you’re having a confidence wobble, look in the mirror and repeat five things that you like about yourself. Use your compliments list for inspiration. Whether you’re proud of your kindness, your nice eyes, or your killer spaghetti carbonara that everyone loves to eat, concentrating on your positive attributes instead of worrying about your insecurities or imperfections will make you feel better instantly.
Confidence is an attractive quality, so find a way that works for you to put your insecurities aside for the evening. If you tell yourself enough times that you’re not funny enough, smart enough, or good-looking enough, then you’re going to believe it, and so will your date. If you need to, think back to a time when you felt powerful and confident, whether at work, at home, or out with friends. Visualize the moment to boost your confidence before a first date.
If Your Get Anxious, Use Your Rational Brain
It can be useful to identify the source of your nerves and look at them from a more distanced perspective. If your nervousness gets intense and starts to get detrimental, for example, if you’re plagued with thoughts about how your date will hate you, or every date you go on ends in disaster, then you need to use rational thought to assess this. Think about dates that didn’t end badly. Take a mental inventory of your positive experiences and interaction that you have had on previous dates so that you can push out the nerves and replace them with more realistic thoughts. This leads to better thoughts, like “It could go well, so I’ll keep and an open mind and enjoy the evening.”
Present Your Best Self
Before a date, you should get the basics rights like choosing a clean, ironed shirt, instead of one crumpled at the back of the closet, even if the crumpled one is more you. In person, it’s worth making the effort to tidy up a bit and choose something nice to wear that flatters you.
You aren’t trying to mislead your date, but you do want to show them the best version of yourself. You shouldn’t go out and buy a whole new outfit based on what you think your date might like, as they might feel a little creeped out if they realize you’ve done this, but it ok to consider their style when you get dressed. A good trick is to take a look at their social media first (if you know it) to get an idea of what they might be like. You can see what they’re into and what kind of style they might go for. You shouldn’t try to change to yourself to be attractive for the other person, but if you notice that they always wear vintage style clothing, there’s nothing wrong with choosing a retro-looking shirt, if you already own one.
Remembering David X
From his Obituary:
David X passed away on Sunday, October 11, 2020, at the age of seventy-one.
David is and always will be, a fighter.
Up until the very last moments of his life, he continued to rally with every fiber of his being.
As many who knew him will recount, he wasn't always the easiest person to get along with as the spirit of a fighter often comes with many casualties. But if he liked you, he would move heaven and earth to help.
He lived his life with three tenets that he repeated constantly: honesty, trust, and respect.
Goodbye David, and Thank you.
People are having MORE SEX during Covid, not less
I wasn't sure if I should even write this particular article given the potential controversy of this subject.
Upon reflection I decided that whereas some people would be completely surprised, those already involved won't be shocked at all.
When Covid first hit and we went into the first lockdown, my first reaction was that I better focus on new ways to make a living because coaching for dating was dead. I mean, who is going to make dating a priority during the lockdown? In fact, I remember reading social media forums and comments about how people were going to give up casual sex, and use their time in quarantine to get to know people online for weeks before being allowed to meet in person.
Seems logical right?
I have been a dating coach for a little over 20 years at this point, and I haven't seen this level of dating and hook ups in all that time. People are having way more sex during covid, than they did prior to covid. I have been riding the wave ever since.
I wanted to share with you dear reader, what I see happening and why I believe it is happening based on what my client base shares with me.
The first lockdown was a wake up call for many single people. I saw a similar phenomena prior to covid. A person goes through a personal crisis, or major sense of loss, and it helps them re-prioritize their life and gets them to make their love life a priority.
Normally, I have clients that suffered some kind of major loss. These examples may include the love of their life just dumped them, or a parent dies, or they lose a career. Usually these occurrences make people realize their mortality, how little time they actually have left to have a great life, or how uncertain life can be, and thus they better go after something they really want (like losing their virginity, having great sex, or being in an amazing relationship).
When the first lockdown hit and started to last longer they they expected (about 3 weeks in), people started to realize something...that they were NOT happy...at least, they were not as happy as they thought they were.
For example, a couple of my clients told me that once lockdown hit, and they found themselves single and alone, they tried to live with a friend. Figuring it would be best to live with a friend for companionship, since neither had a significant other, and neither one would have to be alone...turns out some people are single for a reason, and are impossible to live with. WAKE UP CALL! Yup, it's you, not the other people you dated...it was YOU all the time...you just are not worth the hassle to be with and impossible to live with. Even your friends cannot stand you now.
A large number of clients come from the "happily single" cluster. Suddenly, without being able to go drinking and dancing with friends, visit family, going to the gym to socialize, going to the movies, or simply hanging out in a warm and comfortable cafe to catch up on some reading they discovered something really profound. They actually were NOT "happy being single" at all. They just had a lot of options available to fill in their time. Now with those options gone, being single and free from all the responsibility and commitment that a relationship requires...does not feel like freedom anymore. In fact, one client described it as being in a cage where you are both the prisoner and the warden at the same time, and not realizing it until the bars are closed. (Intentional play on words there).
The single parent group was another hard hit mass. Many single parents faced the hard truth that the casual flings that occupied their time had no interest in saving them once Covid hit. It is hard enough for a single parent to find lasting commitment in dating, but during a time of crisis (just like corona brought on), it seems that everyone who loved to have sex with you, had no desire to step up and help your kids survive anything. Even the platonic friends of single parents started to focus on looking out for themselves, and hoarding food and essentials, because no one knew what was going to happen next. Suddenly single parents realized maybe the ONLY person that had a vested interest in seeing their kids survive, were the partners they left because married life with those stable parents was just a little too boring. It seems that some (not all, and certainly not enough) of those single parents are now focused on seeking a better step-parent for their kids, than the concern of how much chemistry (in the form of butterflies in the stomach) the next fling can generate.
For over 20 years, one of my specialties was helping men (as young as their 20s and as old as their early 70s) lose their virginity. These are men that never had a girlfriend, and refuse to pay for sex because they want emotional intimacy, not just a physical release. When the lockdown starting hitting different parts of the world, I notice a slight spike in the sales of my ebook: The Adult Male Virgin Handbook.
A number of people coming to me now, are people that have heard of me, or known of my services for quiet some time, but were never ready to start coaching. Well, it seems Covid has made them ready...the thought that they were going to be single going into the next lockdowns was too much for them...and understandably so.
The one thing so many of these groups of people have in common is that Covid has changed them. The thought that there was nothing left to distract them from the misery they feel in not having a more emotionally fulfilling relationship.
I have heard it said that grief can make someone horny, and that facing mortality can shift a person's focus to seeking more sex. Well, I would have to agree with those assessments, if what is being reported to me is true.
Here is what is being reported to me by the people I coached (past and present) about their sex lives during coivd:
-people are looking up the ones they rejected and giving them a chance
-people that have just wanted to be friends are now initiating something romantic
-people having sex sooner than later (people that used to wait months are no longer holding out)
-when dating online, anyone refusing to meet in person in less than a week gets ghosted without a second thought (no long drawn out conversations online lasting weeks)
-people are going over to the homes of their dates for sex, even if they only met 2-3 times
-anyone that refuses to have sex right away gets ghosted
-no one wants to agree to being "just friends" anymore and stay in touch with anyone that rejected them
-anyone wanting faster exclusivity is left with the unpleasant task of either accepting non-exclusivity or walking away, because no one wants to be exclusive right away for fear of it not working out and ending up alone in the next stricter lockdown. They want to keep dating as many people as possible to keep their options open
-the sex is taking place behind closed doors and in secret. No one is sharing the details of their sexual encounters with their friends anymore for fear of being shamed or bullied for not social distancing. Yes, YOUR FRIENDS AND FAMILY are possibly out there getting some, and no, they aren't going to tell you about it.
In fact (and this is a personal pet peeve of mine), many of the most promiscuous individuals seem to be hiding behind the the social media masks of pushing others to social distance. These individuals are the living embodiment of Do As I Say Not As I Do.
As a coach, people share the details of their lives with me (even those that are not clients). I do not judge, professional or personally, so people tend to open up and tell me things they do not tell others. I find it sad that they go out of their way to push one agenda, when living another...I hope for them that at least they are not so vocal about their public positions, given that the positions that do in private might leave them open to exposure.
-for people in relationships, they seem to be at one of two extremes. Either they were planning to break up eventually but the thought of being stuck in quarantine with someone has pushed them to end the relationship right now, or the couple realize that things aren't so bad after all, and they would rather work out their differences than to get out there and date again, especially with social distancing making things more challenging.
If you are looking for some dating tips for Covid times, here they are:
If you are looking for some dating tips for Covid times, here they are:
1-First date: Dinner date over media (skype, facetime, etc..) Each of you dress up, make yourself presentable, prepare your favorite romantic meals, light the candles and have a date. I know it is not the same as a real in person dinner date. The point is to put in the same effort you would have if you were meeting in person. Action creates emotion, and this is a great way to start.
If that works well,
2-Second date: Meet in person and social distance. A walk in the park, or even of social distance picnic. Fly a kite. No close quarters and a step more intimate than an online dinner date from home.
3-Third date: Up to you. You can try to have more social distance dates, but anyone who is serious about wanting something more will only go on a limited number of social distance dates. Dating is NOT for making friends. Dating is for finding lovers and long term serious companions. If you are ready to risk being alone together, that is your choice. If not, set your boundaries and see if the other person is ready to be on the same level as you. If that person is not, then you dodged a bullet and move on to the next person to date. As long as you are both consenting adults, it is no one else's business.
For people that enjoy the hook up culture, it would seem this is a great time for them, and not so much for people that want to take their time and get to know a potential future lover very well first.
For people that never made getting sex, or finding a serious relationship a priority before, some of them are waking up to the fact that now is a good time to connect with someone and they are getting out there, before it is illegal to get out there.
The general consensus is that no one wants to be alone going into the next strict-rules lockdown.
And no one feels they have time to go slow.
If you do engage in extra-sexual activity, or even hyper sexuality activity, I can only ask that you do your best to protect yourself, and those around you. It is not my place to tell you what to do with your lives. I am your coach, your guide, but I am not the boss of you.
This is a contributed post
A Quick Guide to Post-Divorce Relationships
Starting out fresh in the world of dating can be a little bit intimidating. Whether you were only married for a year or you are coming out of something much longer, you need to be prepared for playing the dating game again when you are ready to. Here are some of the things you need to think about in a post-divorce relationship.
After coming out a relationship where you knew everything about the other person, you need to make sure that you are being communicative about certain things with a new partner. For example, sex is a healthy part of any relationship but you need to be open and communicative with someone new when engaging in these practices.
If you’ve been struggling with something like ED and take treatment for it, this is something that you should feel comfortable talking about when engaging with a new partner. On the other hand, if you suffer from ED and haven’t looked into treatment options, this could be something your partner helps you research to ensure that you can both have a health sex life. Thankfully, there are sites such as Manual.co which can help with erectile dysfunction. All you have to do is fill in an online questionnaire and once reviewed, you could have a prescription issued and be enjoying your new relationship in no time.
While there might be some things that you want to hold back, there are other things that should be discussed with your partner sooner rather than later. This will give you the building blocks for a stronger relationship overall.
If you have children from your previous relationship, it can be difficult to introduce someone new to them, especially if they are resentful to you over the divorce. However, if you can see a future with your new partner, it is a hurdle that has to be crossed.
Make sure that you and your partner are on the same page when it comes to your children. For example, they might not take on any disciplinary role during an early point in your relationship, even if you are living in their home and your children are visiting you there. It is incredibly important that your children are allowed to build a relationship with your new partner for themselves.
You have just been in a serious relationship for what might have been a significant portion of your life so far. As a result, a divorce might leave you following one of two paths. You might decide that you want to play the field a little and date casually, or you prefer to just look for another serious relationship from the get-go.
However, you need to make sure that any potential partner is also on board with your plans. There will be people out there looking for fun, and there will be others looking for commitment. Work out what you would like, and then find someone who matches up with these preferences.
Dating after a divorce can be a scary experience, but that does not mean that you need to avoid the subject entirely. With the right attitude and a willingness to put yourself out there to meet new people again, you could soon be on your way to your next successful and rewarding relationship. The right person is waiting for you!
Do not be lazy when it comes to your relationships. Plan and schedule these suggested bonding activities to make you closer than ever.
Relationships are a beautiful thing. They provide you with a sense of belongingness and comfort that you have someone that you can always count on. However, when a relationship is stable, it is easy to get confident and complacent. Soon enough, you are falling into predictable routines that can lead to complacency.
Before you find yourself in a relationship death trap, take action. You can do many things as a couple to bring back the palpable excitement that you used to feel in the early years of your relationship. Push yourself to push the envelope and stop being lazy with your relationship.
From experiencing a new country to taking piano lessons together, here are some activities that can help strengthen your relationship.
1. Travel together to a new place.
Traveling together to places you have never been before creates a sense of excitement that refreshes your relationship. It allows you to explore and experience new things together. Studies show that couples who travel are more satisfied with their relationship. The memories of experiencing something new together creates a lasting and beautiful mark in both of you. You will forever treasure and look back into these shared memories with fondness and love.
There is also the romance and the spontaneity of traveling to a new place that makes it healthy for relationships. You both live in the moment, without worrying about work, the bills, and your responsibilities.
2. Learn something new.
Awaken your curiosities together and learn a new skill or hobby. Enroll in classes together. When you discover and learn something new, it brings you closer together. The process of learning, from that moment of vulnerability to the building of your confidence, can help strengthen your bond. Here are some classes or workshops that you can both take. Not only will learning something new keep the spark between you, but it can also help in your personal development.
Yoga Classes. Yoga encourages you to be mindful, allowing you to keep in touch with your emotions. It is also great for your mental and physical health. It's a great exercise that both of you can enjoy.
Piano Lessons. Connect to your artistic side and bring out the prodigy in you. Learning to play a new musical instrument is a fun way to awaken the eager child in you. You can also choose to learn different musical instruments.Something is rewarding about being able to play your favorite songs on a musical instrument. Who knows, come holiday get-togethers, you both can play a musical number for your family.
Foreign Language Class. Learning a new language is fun, and it is something that both of you can use when you travel in the future. Choose a language that you have always found fascinating. Learning to speak French and Spanish can come in handy for your next European tour.
Train for a Marathon. If a marathon seems too much, a fun run will do. Sign up for a community-run and train together. Achieving your goals together can make you feel more united as a couple.
Ballroom Dancing. Do you love the movie Dirty Dancing? Even if you are not a good dancer, you can still enjoy the benefits that dancing brings. Ballroom dancing encourages teamwork between you because you have to learn the dance together. Impress everyone in the next family event that you go to with your smooth dancing moves.
3. Attend concerts of your favorite artists.
Do you remember the feeling of watching your favorite singer live? The sounds and the atmosphere enveloping you, making the hair on your skin stand. There's a good reason why people are willing to pay hundreds of dollars to watch a live concert. It's that sense of being in the now, with the beat of the drums in chorus with your wildly beating heart that makes live concerts such an enjoyable experience. Aside from the fact that you will see your idol live in the flesh, people mostly pay for the experience and feeling that live concerts bring. Now imagine feeling that with your partner. Dancing and swaying to the music together can bring you closer and can help reduce stress.
4. Treat yourselves.
Relax and recharge together regularly. Go to a spa for a massage that you can enjoy side by side. You will both feel better and more relaxed, setting the mood for a more stress-free time together. Most spa packages come with a dinner course that you can enjoy after some relaxing massages and therapies. You can enjoy each other's company while in a lighter mood, savoring the food together, talking about anything that comes into your mind.
Maintaining a relationship requires work. However, it does not have to be hard. Make time for these bonding activities, and watch your relationship revive its old sparkle.
Working on your mental and emotional health will benefit you and your relationships. Keep reading to learn more.
If the COVID pandemic has brought out mental and emotional problems you weren’t aware you were dealing with, you’re not alone. According to multiple recent studies, rates of anxiety and depression have skyrocketed. In comparison to last year at this same time, people were twice as likely to be displaying signs of anxiety or depression. When mental struggles arise, it can be hard to deal with basic everyday needs, let alone seek out a new relationship or work on your love life.
Making the first steps of seeking help for anxiety, relationship problems, depression, grief counseling, or generalized social anxiety is hard, but it’s also the most important thing you can do for yourself and your partner or future partner.
When is it time to find outside help?
If you have found yourself struggling with emotional or mental problems and are unsure if it’s time to seek counselling therapy, ask yourself the following questions:
What are the ways that these mental or emotional problems affect your relationships?
When you suffer from exhausting emotional difficulties or mental disorders that are left untreated, your sacrifice not only yourself but your relationships as well. Here are ways that various disorders or mental illnesses may impact your love life:
Are you struggling in your marriage? Read on to learn marriage building tips which may help your marriage work better for both of you.
What are the most important qualities of a marriage? Sticking with each other, through thick and thin? Loving each other no matter what? Never being someone they can’t count on, etc? Well, that’s all quite Disney fairytale stuff but in reality, it's actually, just the simple human qualities we all want to receive. Respect and perseverance are the two top things you need. Respect comes in many forms. Respect for their body, their space, their property, their personal life that doesn’t include you, their style, their side of the bed, etc. perseverance is needed because you have to accept, they aren’t perfect, and neither are you!. You’re going to want to strangle each other at some point. You will get into arguments, you will feel slighted and jaded. But you have to remember, they aren’t a robot, they are a human being with flaws. Strap yourself in because this read is going to be illuminating.
Integrity isn’t just about telling the truth, it's about upholding some unwritten rules. This is what makes marriage so holy and so precious, because we don’t just follow the standard rules everyone knows about like ‘don’t sleep with anyone else’, but we follow those that we can’t see and haven’t technically agreed. The foundation of integrity is self-respect. You know right from wrong, and you shouldn’t want to degrade yourself by doing something morally wrong.
Integrity in marriage means, showing up at a time you said you would. If your spouse’s car is broken down, and they call you to be picked up, don’t tell them you’re on your way and then catch 5 more minutes of the football game. Integrity means doing the right thing, even when your spouse isn’t watching. Each word has to be met with action. If you say you’re going to do something, you stick to your word. It's about being ethical for yourself and your partner. The crucial aspect is, only you can uphold good standards, only you can be a good person, your spouse cannot make you into these things.
Don’t close the doors
Openness is something that can fade over time and that can lead to you going from a married couple to just a couple. Those rings on your fingers don’t mean much if you aren’t sharing your deepest darkest secrets, insecurities, and desires with your spouse. But why then, would openness in a marriage deteriorate?
It's usually because of over-critique. If you’re playing whack-a-mole with your partner’s feelings and desires, you are going to burn them eventually. They won’t want to share with you because they know what is going to follow if they do. So, what you need to stop doing is, belittling their feelings, saying that they’re making a mountain out of a molehill when they are clearly seeing and feeling a situation through a different lens. If you need help understanding when they are being serious and when they are over-thinking something, read a body language book or watch a few videos on the subject. Without saying a word, you can look at your spouse and know when they are emotionally fragile when they have experienced something very troubling. It's good to try and bolster their confidence by sometimes showing they are worrying over nothing, but other times, you should be sensitive to their needs.
Power and Humility
The power dynamic in a marriage is just like the one in a normal relationship without a holy bond. Here’s what you may know already about this dynamic.
Humility in this regard goes a long way. Admitting that you have some kind of power over your spouse is the first step to breaking down invisible barriers. Otherwise, couples can get into a Cold War-type of a situation where no one acknowledges they have the power that scares the other person, and they both end up trying to one-up each other. Husband and wife, have to honestly talk about these things if you are to have a balance of some sort.
Do you enable each other?
Do you do things such as cover-up or make excuses for your spouse’s bad behavior? This might seem like something a ‘loyal’ husband or wife would do, but when you know they are doing something harmful, you’re just enabling them. With your silence or even, the backing of some kind, they feel emboldened to do it again and again. This can result in both spouses becoming locked in a descending spiral where nobody will win. If you find that both of you or just one person, in the marriage is experiencing substance abuse of any kind, call the couples rehabs center. They have been delivering incredible services to married couples that have addiction concerns.
They have both inpatient and outpatient services. They believe that when couples are addicted to drugs or alcohol, their behavior progresses together. In other words, you both enable each other. With their rehab services, both of you can turn from enablers to solid rocks of self-belief and direction. You can help each other become sober and look after one another. This is why the success rate among couples is so much higher than individuals because you stop each other from falling back into the cycle. Check out their cognitive behavioral therapy program which helps couples to understand their thoughts and feelings may be counteracting their need to overcome addiction.
Become fitter together
Couples that workout together and exercise in unison, are far healthier both mentally and physically than those that don’t. Married couples might think they need time alone and working out is a good thing they do by themselves. However, it can like having a workout buddy that knows your every limit.
Go running together, through the countryside. Or you can both get up at the same time each morning, and perform yoga in your living room together. Meditate side by side and really become comfortable with each other, on a deeper philosophical level. Both of your energies and human beings will merge and something amazing will happen. You will see each other’s true nature when you’re pushed physically. The gritting of teeth, sharing of pain, and exhaustion is something that will build camaraderie.
Sex is the end-all-be-all
You can only connect with each other on a romantic level if you’re both physically attracted to one another. The union of bodies is something that cannot be replaced by anything else. Loving each other is very noble, but you cannot underestimate the value of being sexually fulfilled in a marriage; especially for the man.
So learn how to get better! You are with the last person you will ever be intimate with, so you have free reign to be as wild as you want. Do you have any sexual fantasies? Why are they still fantasies only!? You should be doing them with your spouse. Be brave and don’t hold back, tell him or her, exactly what you like. Be very detailed and even, demanding. This kind of sexual fulfilment keeps marriages alive but also, keeps them spicy!
Sex shouldn’t even be a chore either, you should want to do it. So instead of going purely for quality, try to focus on quantity too. Don’t have some kind of end-of-the-week sex engagement, you should be doing it throughout the week. Even if it's for 5 minutes, release that sexual urge before you go to work in the morning. And most importantly, don’t ever use the withholding of sex as a weapon. Your spouse will resent you and feel like a prisoner.
Learn to cook
For any marriage, cooking great meals is another cornerstone of a healthy relationship. When you come home from work, you shouldn’t be diving into a pre-cooked store-bought meal. You deserve better. You both do.
So, pick out a cuisine and then buy a recipe book online in the one you have chosen. Next, you need to buy the ingredients for one of the meals and cook together in the kitchen. Once you become comfortable cooking great meals at home, it's going to make dinner dates and dinner parties so much more fun. It allows you to wow each other and not always go to a restaurant for a candle-lit dining experience. You can also become hosts for your guests, work as a team to impress your in-laws or friends.
There’s almost no chance that you have tried everything to make your marriage work. There’s always something that you have yet to experience together. These are just some of the things that will make your bond stronger than ever before.
Weddings are a lot of work to plan. Continue reading to discover a few tips to help you narrow down your options.
Your wedding is one of the most important days of your life. It is a day you will look back on in years to come, and speak fondly of to your children, grandchildren and even great-grandchildren. You want your wedding to be a day you will never forget and everything to go off without a hitch. But the problem is, there is just so much to think about. There’s the guest list, the food, the entertainment, the rings, the vows, the speeches. And that’s not all. The wedding venue itself is an integral part of the day. Pick the wrong location, and you could be looking at a ruined wedding.
There are several factors to consider when picking a wedding venue. You want it to be beautiful and photogenic, yet also convenient for everyone and within your budget. Wedding venues can be expensive, and often book up well in advance, so even if you find the perfect location, you are never guaranteed to get it.
In order to make the right decision and settle on a venue that meets yours and your partner’s requirements, it is necessary to start with the basics. Here are a few tips to help you narrow down your options.
Choose a location
If you’re willing to get married anywhere in the world, you have too many options. Try to make your search a little easier by narrowing it down to a preferred location and exploring your options within a certain radius. Practically, it makes sense to get married near where you currently live, but you may prefer to go with a more sentimental location. Perhaps your hometown or the place where you first met. You may even choose to get married in an exotic country you’ve both always wanted to go to. Once you have picked a rough area, you can start looking for specific venues and find local suppliers and entertainment options.
Set a budget
Wedding venues can be expensive, so it is a good idea for you and your partner to discuss how much you are willing to spend. By creating and sticking to a budget, you ensure that you don’t go overboard with your spending. Once you have a figure, you can then start to look for venues that fall within your price range. Don’t be afraid to be flexible with your budget if you find a perfect place that is a little more expensive. You may be able to negotiate a better rate or cut costs in another area of your wedding.
Think about guests
How many people are you planning to invite to your wedding? Will it just be close friends and family, or are you planning a massive party with hundreds of people? Either way, you will want your venue to reflect the size of your gathering. You don’t want to have a huge party crowded into a tiny building, nor do you want to have a dozen attendees milling around an enormous ballroom. You should come with a rough list of exactly who you want to invite to your wedding and choose a suitably-sized location.
Choose a date
Some wedding venues are so popular they can book up well over a year in advance. You may have a fixed date in mind for the big day, but it pays to be flexible before you have actually booked the venue. The date will depend on the availability of you and your partner as well as your guests. Make sure you let guests know the date as soon as you have booked it, so they don’t make any plans.
Figure out your priorities
What do you want from your wedding venue? The decision you make will depend on several factors. Think about the style of wedding you want: classic and traditional, or modern and unique? Do you want it to be child-friendly or pet-friendly? Do you need an outdoor space or inhouse catering? Perhaps you want somewhere with accommodation so you and your guests can just head upstairs after the party is over. Prioritize the aspects that you are most keen for your venue to have and order your shortlist accordingly.
Reach out to a few venues
Once you have narrowed down your list to a few options that you really love, it can be difficult to pick one. It is a good idea to contact each of the venues to express your interest and ask them a few questions. You will want to know the practical information such as their availability, capacity, and pricing. But you also want to get an idea of how helpful and responsive they are. If they take a long time to get back to you or send blunt responses, you might get a better experience elsewhere.
Visit your favourites
You will need to visit the venue in person before the wedding day to ensure it is the right choice. Photos do not always do a place justice. You will want to take a tour, looking at the layout and making it is a good fit for the number of guests and the format you have in mind. Talk to the venue staff to get a good feel for the atmosphere in the venue.
Make your choice
At this point, you may have two or three potential options, so you will have to weigh the pros and cons of each and make a choice. It is good to have at least one backup in case your favourite option falls through. Both you and your partner might have a different top choice, so have a frank discussion and ensure you are both happy with the final decision. As soon as you have come to an agreement you should get in touch with the venue to book your wedding on your chosen date.
Congratulations, you now have a venue for your wedding. There are so many different options for the location of your wedding ceremony and party. Learn more about some of the different types of venues available to you.
Mental health is important to our well being. Read more to learn ways to help your mental health.
Mental illnesses are not preventable. Let’s get that out of the way. There are definitely some ways for you to reduce the episodes, but when it comes to straight up prevention, that is usually a tall order.
With that said, there are some ways you can reduce episodes of mental illness and keep your mental health up. Let’s look at some ways.
A Healthy Lifestyle
First, having a healthy lifestyle is one of the best ways to keep your mental health up. Here are some ways to have a healthy lifestyle.
1. Get adequate sleep. Around 7-9 hours a night is recommended, though some needs change. If you are suffering from chronic insomnia, try adjusting your sleep hygiene. Unwind before bed, sleep in a cool, dark room, and do things that make you tired. If you are still having problems, get support through a therapist.
2. Eat healthily. Try to eat right most days and eat a balanced diet. This isn’t to say you can’t have the occasional treat, but don’t make it a habit. Eating right can give you energy and keep your mental health up.
3. Get exercise daily. Exercise releases endorphins, which can help improve your mood. Plus, it gives you energy and improves your physical health too. With exercise, you don’t have to go hardcore; a little walk outside can be what you need.
4. Get checkups regularly to make sure you're healthy. More on in this later. When you get checkups, you can not only talk about health concerns, but you can improve any problems before they get worse.
Try Meditation and Mindfulness
One way you can keep your mental health up is to meditate or be mindful. While these are found in Eastern religions, these techniques apply all across the board.
With meditation, the effects are quite obvious. When one is controlling their breathing, it can calm down their anxiety or restlessness. When you are clearing your mind of self-defeating thoughts, they will have less of an impact on your mental health.
Mindfulness is the full awareness of the present. It is achieved through meditation as well as being more aware of your surroundings.
Many of our mental health issues are caused by worry or regret. We worry about the future, especially with things we can’t control. Meanwhile, we may regret the past. Mindfulness teaches you that both mindsets are toxic, and you should try to avoid either whenever possible.
Another way to meditate and be mindful is through guided imagery. You imagine yourself in a location and use all five senses to your advantage. It’s a great distraction, and many people will use it to sleep, tool.
Mindfulness and meditation do not require any special teaching. While an instructor can help, you can also look at videos or apps that teach it. There is no gatekeeping with these techniques.
Finally, the biggest lesson both can teach you is to let go of what you can’t change. There’s a lot we can’t change in this world, and you shouldn’t use your energy on it. Instead, work towards what you can change, and you will go far in your life. Good luck.
Get Help Whenever You Can
Another way you can prevent mental health issues is to get help when you can. By help, we are referring to physical and mental health care. Let’s discuss both.
Going to a doctor when you feel unwell can help your physical health, which does have a positive effect on your mental health as well. When you go to a doctor, also talk about any mental health problems you have. They can help you when you have issues.
Getting mental health care from a therapist or counselor is possibly the best way to prevent issues or treat current problems.
Don’t wait until your mental health is at a low to get help. Here are some reasons why you may want to seek help.
1. When there is a big life change. Life changes can include something such as a move, a loss in the family, heartbreak, or another issue as well. When you are experiencing a life change, you may not see the mental implications until it’s too late.
2. When you’re dealing with too much stress. We all have to deal with stress from time to time, but too much stress can take a physical or mental toll on you. A therapist can’t make all your problems magically disappear, but what they can give you is the resources needed to tackle them. From creating a plan to teaching you how to let go of what you can’t change, talk to a therapist about it.
3.When you are having interpersonal problems. Whether it’s problems with your friends, family, or spouse, it can take a toll on your mental health. In addition, it can sometimes be hard to solve these problems on your own. When both people are shouting at each other and they don’t know how to resolve their issues, trying to resolve can backfire without a couples or family therapist. If you are considering online therapy, websites like ReGain can be valuable.
4. If you just want someone to talk to. That’s a valid enough reason to seek help. We all get lonely, or want to talk to someone who is objective. A therapist can help with that.
Sometimes, you may need to take medication for depression, anxiety, and other mental health issues. The best way to handle this is to think of the medication as ammo against the symptoms, while you use therapy to try to defeat the cause. Don’t rely only on medication, but also don’t avoid it. It can be helpful for you.
Keeping your mental help up is important, especially as you grow older. Your mind is important, and it’s not something you want to lose. By getting help, being mindful, and being as healthy as possible, you can improve your overall mental health.
Dr. Laurie Betito Quotes