5 relationship resolutions are discussed in this contributed post.
Many of us grow up with the notion that when we meet the right person, everything will fall into place. That life will be easy, and our relationship will be perfect. We have the unrealistic idea that the right relationship won’t take any effort, it will just work.
In reality, this is far from true. All relationships take time, effort, understanding and compromise to work. If you’ve spent 2017 focused on business or your own development and not given your relationships the time they need to grow and thrive, then it’s time to make some changes. Even if you feel like 2017 was a great year and your relationship is in a good place, you can always do more. So, let’s take a look at some relationship resolutions for 2018.
Give Them Time
When we’re working hard or busy looking after our children, it can be easy to neglect our partners. We just assume they’ll always be there and that if we live together, we’re seeing them plenty. Even if you go to sleep together every night, wake up together every morning and eat the odd meal around the same table, it might not be enough. Promise yourself that in 2018 you will give them more time. Quality time when you sit and talk, cook a meal together, or go for a date night. Where it’s just about you two and your relationship. Do this as often as you can.
Learn to Compromise
At the beginning of a relationship, when we’re keen to impress, we compromise a lot. We want them to think we’re the right person for them, so we let things go. Then, as time goes by the art of compromise can be lost. Everytime something happens, try to remember how happy this person can make you. Is that worth losing over whatever you are fighting over, or would you be better off compromising or letting the small stuff go?
Put them First
Work, kids, social media, nights out, and hobbies are all things that we often put before our partners when we are in long-term relationships. Don’t. Sometimes say “no I’m not going to go to that event, I’m going to spend that time with you” let them see that you value them and your time together above all else.
One of the main problems with relationships today is that we’re all only ever giving real life half of our attention. We get home from work and spend the evening glued to a screen. Even when we’re out with our partners or families, we’re constantly checking our notifications. Make a rule that phones and tablets go away after a certain time, and don’t always take them out with you. Give your real life your full, undivided attention, and you may all enjoy it a lot more.
Try New Things
Don’t get stuck in a pattern. We all need a routine when it comes to working and the school run, but you can still try new things. Go to new places, play a new game, listen to new music, try a new meal, anything different is something shared together and gives you something to talk about.
If a relationship has come to an end this year, and you’re not happy about the decision, it doesn’t have to be the end. Make some changes and try to get your ex back, before it is too late.
Relationships are one thing in life that it’s worth looking after. Whatever state yours is in, make 2018 the year it soars.
The December Holidays Collection
by Frank Kermit
Heart-Break Holidays: Holiday Couples Split
Hurt, Lonely and Grieving At The Holidays
(Heavy Heart Holidays)
Mourning Loss Over The Holidays
The Holiday Mistake That Singles Make
(It's Good To Start Dating)
Giving Thanks For Holiday Workers
New Relationships Started During Holidays
Parents, New Partners and Holiday Dinners
(Let The Holiday Headaches Begin!)
Single Going Into The Holiday Season
December Dilemma: Inter Faith Holiday Couples
Gift Giving Guide for Holiday Dating
(For The Stages of Dating)
Office Holiday Party Advice, Rules and Etiquette
Holidays: Everybody's Happy Except You
Give the Gift of Your Time for the Holidays
Mourning Loss Over The Holidays
Coping With Loss: The First Year of Firsts
5 Tips To Smell Good for Dating
Updated on February 24, 2018
#december #seasons #christmas #xmas #christmastree #santa #christmasdecorations #merrychristmas #santaclaus #christmasornaments #christmasdecor #christmastime #christmasparty #presents #snowflakes #christmaslights #winter #hermeslove #festive #festivus #newyearseve #newyearsparty #jan1 #dec31 #newyears #newyearscelebration #ornaments
#newyear #newyearsday #decemberdilemma #interfaithdating #interfaithmarriage #interfaitrelationship # #meetheparents #meetthefamily #holidays #familydinner #nyd #nye #alone #single #singlelife #dating
I got a reminder on social media that today is the anniversary that I self published my 10th book: From Friends To Lovers: Stop Being Her Emotional Cookie Man. On July 12, 2009 I self published it.
In celebration, of this 8th anniversary of this book, I present the introduction of the this book written by Will Hicks.
-Frank Kermit, Author
Introduction to From Friends To Lovers
by Will Hicks
My Mother told me that it was an extreme honor when someone asks you to write an introduction or forward to their book as she was asked by one of her colleagues at work.
When Frank asked me I took it as an extreme honor because of our friendship and the caliber of person that he is.
Once Frank becomes your friend he’s there for you through thick and thin, rain or shine.
He also makes sure he stays in communication with all his friends as well as open doors for you through friends he has that may be able to help you in any way.
The most memorable show for me was the New Years Eve show we did together. This was one of the funniest hours of my life.
We talked about everything from where to go, where not to go, the mindset that you need to have...etc. The show was professionally done, as is everything the man does.
We’ve shared many private moments off the air also, friends talking shop, giving advice, and trying to help out guys that need it the most. There are a lot of pretenders out and I can say not just with my own experiences but also out of the mouths of countless others that Frank Kermit is No Pretender. His body of work speaks for itself and I’m honored to be a part of that great body of work.
When Frank speaks it’s always from the heart and he’s speaking from experience. He genuinely doesn’t want you to make the same mistakes as he did or take some of the roads that he’s traveled. I’d say he generous to a fault with an infectious smile and as cool as the other side of the pillow.
Once you enter his world, Frank becomes your mentor, coach, confidant, counselor and most importantly Friend. So enjoy what’s about to happen next. There will probably be things along the way that you disagree with or don’t like but you’ll always appreciate where they’re coming from, that I can assure you. Also know that Frank Kermit wouldn’t have you do something that he wouldn’t do himself.
Will Hicks, Dating Coach
A Father's Day memory:
Got something in my eye...I was at the park with my son (he is 7). He tells me that he plans to do two things when he grows up, and then wants to become a parent. I told him he does not have to become a parent if he does not want to.
He says "hey, I am in charge of my own destiny!"
..then I asked him why he wants to one day become a parent,
and he says,"I want be like you"
....feeling a little choked up right now...
You are a great dad if you...
-Put your kids ahead of the rest of your extended family
-Show up to your kids weddings even if your wife did not want to attend
-Made an effort to be a better father to your own kids than your own father was to you
-built up your child's sense of independence and self esteem instead of using shame and guilt and dependence as a means of control
-ask your children about their life dreams and help guided them to turn them to goals
-supported your kids to reach full potential in ways that made kids feel good about themselves
-protected your children from those that would hurt your kids, even at the risk of your own social status in your community
-Taught your children the value of being treated well by others
-Did not involved your children into the adult fights you had with your spouse
-Who shows affection to your kids even if you still have to learn to be comfortable doing it
Happy Fathers Day if you are this kind of Dad!!
From the Coach who deals with clients that did not have this kind of dad.
Some personalized birthday ideas are explored in this contributed post.
I always try to make sure I plan to perfect birthday for my husband. I know that many of my readers also have partners, and so I wanted to release an article that gives you some great ideas. If you struggle to organise the celebrations for your loved one, you can use this post as inspiration. At the end of the day, you just need to show them that you care. You also need to make them feel special for that one day out of the year. Don’t worry if you haven’t got a lot of money to spend at the moment. A happy birthday isn’t about how much cash you throw at it, and there are always ways in which you can make savings.
Search for quirky gifts
Regardless of how much you can afford to spend, you’ll want to get your partner something different for their birthday. When all’s said and done, they have cash of their own. So, if they wanted anything from a high street shop, they’d probably go out and buy it. The experts behind Cuckooland's gifts for men say there are more quirky and unique product sites than ever before. So, you need to turn to the internet to find something interesting. You always find better prices online, and there is no reason to spend a fortune. Just select something that he probably hasn’t seen before.
Cook his favourite meal
Everyone likes to eat a decent meal on their birthday. So, you should remember your partner’s favourite dish and prepare it for his big day. You can also make some cookies or some other dessert he’ll love. Make a list of ingredients a couple of days in advance, so you have enough time to get them from your local store. You can then sit down and eat together during the early evening. You could also give him his gifts at the same time if you have children. They way, they can enjoy him opening the presents too. If you give them to your loved one in the morning, the kids might miss out because they have to go to school.
Spend time together
Lastly, I advise that whatever happens, you spend some time together. That could mean going out for a few drinks or staying home and cuddling on the sofa. In truth, it doesn’t matter how you spend your time so long as you’re by your partner’s side. When all’s said and done, there are only a few days each year in which you have to make each other feel special. So, plan something that will allow you to achieve that goal. Again, if you have children, you should think about involving them in any activities you organise.
As you can see from that advice, you don’t have to work hard to plan the perfect birthday. You just have to make sure you have some time together. Your partner isn’t going to care about gold Rolex watches or anything expensive. If they love you, they’ll feel happy just being in your company. One last thing; make sure both of you book the day off work. You deserve to take a break on such an important date.
Mother's Day Can Be Difficult For Some Women
by Anonymous Mom aka Anonymom
I do get how Mother´s Day can be difficult!
I was abandoned by my mother upon birth
like you would abandon an animal
(without a care of what will happen).
After a little time in an orphanage,
I was adopted by another mom, the only one that I think of.
She, in turn was mortally wounded by motherhood:
her own child had died,
and they did not allow her to mourn,
they told her "that never happened" and "make another one".
That marked my story, and my relationship with
her ambivalence, and lack of healing..
Later, I became a mom, to heal myself,
wanting to give the love I myself needed,
which of course, never works
because you cannot give what you do not have!
I thought "because what I went through I will be amazing",
and instead I was depressed, and inflicted that upon them!
But I have been healing ever since.
Unlike my adoptive mom,
I got LOTS of support, and help through the years,
and I conquered the scary dragons she never did
...I am happy today, but I DO get it.
I am enjoying my kids, and the relationship I have with them now,
but that does not mean I forgot the hardship, the pain, the complications
... Also my heart goes out
for the ones that cannot be moms,
those that like my own adoptive mom,
lost a child,
or their own mom,
those misunderstood because they
make the choice not to become mothers:
Wherever you are emotionally today,
it is OK, and I send you LOTS of love,
and the best, most tender healing feelings,
and hope you go gentle, and love yourself today!
-Anonymous Mom aka Anonymom
About The Author
Anonymom is the term that FrankTalks.com uses for any mother
who wants to tell her story anonymously.
Contact Frank@franktalks.com to tell your story
Honoring Your Mothers
By Frank Kermit
Someone once told me that we enter this world on our mother's pain, and that we leave the world on our own pain.
Looking after my wife during the last intense months of a complicated pregnancy and me insisting that I be in the delivery room when my own child was born, I must agree.
Will I ever be able to fully appreciate my wife enough for everything she sacrificed and went through for our amazing child?
In that sense, will I ever fully appreciate what my own mother sacrificed and went through to give me a chance at life?
I doubt I am even qualified to answer that.
So, how can someone honor his or her mother?
I sometimes face this particular question in my practice during bereavement counseling when a family is struggling with the passing of a mother.
At times, the mourning process may require someone to honor his or her mother's memory with some kind of memorial.
These may include writing about her, naming a structure after her (such as a road, or building wing), starting up a charity fund or scholarship in her memory, and even planting a tree.
However, by far the most powerful way I have found to honor a mother is to take every good value and great experience she gave you, and to pass that love along to your own children as well as to any children who may be in your care at any point in time.
Whatever your own mother's greatest value that she passed on to you, pass on that same trait to others.
Compassion, devotion, life lessons, a love of life, art, teaching…whatever it was that made her special to you; the best way to honor her is to keep her spirit alive each and every time you pass along those traits of hers to your own children, and the children of the world.
When I think of my own mother, I struggle with seeing the now elderly lady who has trouble walking, remembering details and needs to rest frequently.
It is hard to fathom that this is the same superwoman who I remember as being strong of body and spirit, a vibrant Jill-of-all-trades, who never stopped from early morning before anyone else woke up, going on to late night after everyone else went to bed.
She was by no means perfect. No parent is.
The most any mother can be expected to do is the very best she can, with what she has, and that is exactly the legacy my mother has left behind, that I will honor her with, as I pass that love on to my own child.
So, to the mother of my child, to our mothers who gave us life, to the mothers of all my future descendants, to the mothers of my nieces and nephew, to the mothers of mothers, to the mothers of everyone I have ever cared about, to the mothers themselves that I have come to know, and to those special women who came to mother children that weren't originally their own…Thank you and I love you.
Happy Star Wars Day!
May The Fourth Be With You!
May The Force Be With You!
An ENA of Han Solo and Princess Leia
Dear FrankTalks.Com Fans,
Franktalks student Pogz wrote out an emotional needs analysis based on the emotional needs of women using the fictional characters of Han Solo and Princess Leia as a fun exercise to see if they would actually have worked in the real world (as real as Star Wars characters could be). I found it so thoughtful and enjoyable that I wanted to share it with all of you.Originally written Tuesday, January 18, 2011
An ENA of Han Solo and Princess Leia
By Pogz, student of FrankTalks.com
Han Solo and Princess Leia are a fictional couple. As audience members we can read anything we want into their attraction process because it is fiction. This has probably been done before, but if you want to play that game for fun: (EN = emotional need)
Leia: "Hey guys, great fighting... Sorry about the death of your platoon leader. What was his name... 'Joe' or something? I know I ordered him to take that planetoid. He will be missed. Now I hope you guys follow my leadership in the future... meanwhile, I'm going to go bang this pirate guy who won't fight along the side of you guys. You'll do what I ask in the future right?"
Yeah, people talk. That would have been a morale booster! Let's see, sleep with "pirate Han" and risk losing the war to the Empire? There's more to reputation than just what her girl friends would think of her.
No, it was only after "pirate Han" became "General Solo" that the Princess could completely give herself to him.
EN3) Cater to the little girl in her
No hugs from "pirate Han" when her planet was destroyed in the first movie. No sympathy from "pirate Han" for the impending Death Star attack on the rebel base. Not until halfway through 2nd movie do we see anything close to an act by "pirate Han" that would cater to her little girl (when she hurts her hand turning a wrench and he massages it). "General Solo" tries to comfort her in the Ewok village, but she pushes him away... so we never really see a good example of him catering to her in that way.
Because "pirate Han" is constantly worried about paying his debt to Jabba, he's constantly threatening to leave her and the rebels to fend for themselves. Therefore he is constantly violating her EN5. It isn't until he's frozen in carbonite, Jabba is dead, helps destroy the death star for a second time, and the war is over that she's finally able to commit to him completely - when she knows he's not going to leave her.
Sure, going out into the blizzard for Luke somewhat addresses this need in her. But right after he's back, he's once again talking about leaving to go pay off Jabba. Yes, he wants her to admit that she loves him. But instead of saying "Yes, I want you to stay for me!", she instead calls him a "Scruffy Nerf Herder". Possibly what is irritating her here is that he is not committed to her cause. That she is testing him. Is "pirate Han" only there because he wants to bump uglies with her? Will he leave her if the Empire turns up the heat too high? Maybe it's not even that simple at that point... maybe she just can't handle his death, so she withholds her love, because if he dies it will hurt less.
The carbonite is probably the best expression of Frank's EN7, as Han can't take down the Empire himself, and in no way can he ever hope to defeat Vader on his own... but he TAKES THE HIT for her. One can argue that he had no choice, but... well... he ended up in the carbonite because he took responsibility for her safety when they left Hoth.
The passage is blocked. I'll get her out on the Falcon!
So he DID take the hit in order for her to escape. It is at this point, when he's being lowered in to the hole to be frozen, she says to him "I love you".
It could be argued that "pirate Han" leaves her with one last abandonment issue by saying "I know", instead of "I love you too". But this is where "pirate Han" dies. Wow, that's some dedication! In his final death act (ok, the script says he was frozen, but really guys, he died and was reborn like Jesus). This final act of his, the fact that he took the hit, proved that he would not abandon her. The war still needs to be won, but upon his rebirth, he will no longer be the pirate scoundrel who can't be relied upon. Instead, he will be "General Solo".
Another point here is that he must understand her sexuality somewhat because half-way through the second movie the hand rub on the Falcon got him a Kiss... though he admittedly lost having sex due to logistics. He couldn't recover from C3PO's interruption.
Lastly, as leader of the free galaxy and a princes (not to mention - being a petite, extremely hot woman in her 20s), most men probably see Leia as a Madonna figure, and suck up to her like no other woman in the galaxy. "Pirate Han" treats her like a man should, and thus she recognizes that he understands that the prim and proper princes is also a sexual being.
Now that his deeds have earned him the respect of the men she leads, "General Solo" is now a high-status guy as he is a General - a rank fit for the boyfriend of a princes. We can assume that association with him adds to her reputation, and doesn't detract from it. Plus he's a pilot, and chicks dig pilots. It is probably safe to assume at this point that she no longer thinks of "General Solo" as a "Scruffy Nerf Herder."
In short, scoundrel pirate Han (the one she can't handle) doesn't get Leia, but respectable General Solo does get the princess. Pirate Han constantly violates many of her ENs or has yet to prove to her he can address her ENs. General Solo has addressed all of her ENs (Ok, maybe not EN10, but come on guys. The movie was targeted at Kids... so we'll let that one slide) and he gets the Babe. Thus he is no longer really her opposite, but instead her equal.
So no, opposites did not attract in the case of Han and Leia.
Now there maybe more evidence within the books about Han addressing or not addressing her needs, but that takes us back to my original point... these people are fictional, and thus, only George Lucas knows for sure whether or not Leia had her ENs addressed properly. My guess is that he probably didn't have Frank's theories to guide him when he wrote the script.
However, it seems to me that Han made some sort of "hero" journey throughout the trilogy, even though General Solo seems a little more wimpy at the end of the third movie than Pirate Han did at the beginning of the first. After all when he finally tells her that he loves her, she says back to him, "I know." Geesh!
P.S. Do you Agree With This Article? Disagree?
Have something to Add?
Write your thoughts in the comments below and share this article to see how many of your friends think like you.
Day Of The Entrepreneur
by Frank Kermit
There are no personal days
There are no sick days
There are no recovery days
There are no bereavement days
There are no fun days
There are no “me” days
There are no vacation days
There are no off days
There are no days off
There are no special days
There are no holidays
There are no family days
There are no birthdays
There are no wedding days
There are no funeral days
There are no Mondays
There are no Fridays
There are no weekdays
There are no weak days
There are no long weekends
There are no weekends
There are no mornings
There are no afternoons
There are no evenings
There are no late nights
There are no overnights
There are no happy days
There are no yesterdays
There are no good ole days
There is no tomorrow
There is only TODAY
Just a day when you either
Get to work so you can get-to-work
Or a day you do not get to work
Until ONE DAY
Everyday becomes A Personal Day
And that is THE DAY
Of The Entrepreneur
by Frank Kermit
The Difference Between Jokes and Abuse In Raising A Child
By Frank Kermit
A joke is not a joke if it hurts someone.
With April 1st (known as April Fools Day) upon us, it can be customary for some to play a prank on the people we care about, all in the name of harmless fun.
However, in my practice I see a more sinister side of this day, and the premise that it is based on. When people use April Fools Day to justify a repeating behavior pattern of meanness and bullying, it is no joke. It is abuse plain and simple.
The emotional damage that can occur when humor is used as a mask for abuse is serious.
Ask any trauma counselor.
I worked on programs with special populations (adults with autism and other developmental challenges), and also counsel trauma victims in my coaching practice. I see and deal with the damage done to people when just having fun at the expense of a human being goes without context.
In most of those cases, the people having fun do NOT acknowledge that what they do is wrong, and are usually people who actually care (or are suppose to) about their targets.
The worst is when those jokes are perpetuated on children, where most people first learn about the blurred connections between humor, jokes and harmful acts.
Although children have a wonderful sense of playfulness that does not mean that children can distinguish the context of when a joke is a joke and when a joke can be harmful.
A child laughs at cartoon characters kicking each other in the butt (just watch old Chip And Dale cartoons for an example). However, when a child mimics that same behaviors on his daycare classmates, it is not funny to the kids being kicked.
Those innocent interpretations of children can grow up into emotional blocks for grown ups.
"My mother regularly told me that I was a mistake as a joke", says the adult man who has trouble holding on to a job.
"My brother used to call me fat as a joke all the time", says the adult woman who is dying from an eating disorder.
Let us first start off with a major concept.
Children are like sponges in the way they absorb information. There is no such thing as a time to play and then a time to learn. Children are ALWAYS in learning mode.
If you were to consider thinking of playtime as merely a different mode of learning, you may start to get a grasp of just how important socialization is to the development and education of a child.
This is one of the reasons why new educational endeavor seek to employ entertainment values in lesson planning.
When children are exposed to abuse under the form of humor, it is just as much an education about how to relate to themselves and each other, as sitting in a classroom and following a prepared lesson by a teaching professional.
Children who are the target of jokes may be learning something negative if the context of the joke is in anyway hurtful. If the teasing is coming from other children who have already set themselves up to be categorized as enemies, it may carry a certain message (i.e. the problem is the other children, not the child being targeted).
However if the teasing is coming from the best friends or even family of the targeted child, the message could end up being that if the people who are suppose to love the child actually hate the child, then child is unlovable.
This can be especially heinous when the teasing is actually tolerated or even encouraged by the people around the child who would normally be expected to protect the child.
As I teach this in my program, THE ART OF CALIBRATION PROGRAM: FROM CREEPY TO CHARISMA EBOOK: A key component if you are struggling to decide if something would be a harmless joke or if something may constitute a form of abuse or mistreatment is to ask one question:
Would the person who is being targeted be laughing at the joke being played on him or her?
If the answer is yes, then it is all in fun.
If the person who is being targeted is not finding it as funny as the prankster, then it is abuse.
At the heart of this question, is the question of consent.
Would the person you are playing the joke on consent to it?
If there is consent, it is a shared experience.
When there is no consent, the joke can cross the line and become an act of violence or abuse (even name calling is an act of verbal abuse).
To make it even more abundantly clear, if you are unable to accurately predict if the person you are targeting would fully consent, then take that as a sign not to pull the joke.
The absence of consent is what makes it abuse.
One question I have been asked is whether or not it is alright to make fun of someone, or laugh at someone, provided the person would never find out about it.
If a person does not know he or she is being made fun of, then no feelings can be hurt, and would that make it OK?
The answer is no.
It does not matter if the person being made fun of, laughed at, or having a prank played upon them does not know it. It is still wrong. To use a relational analogy, it is still cheating if you have promised fidelity to someone, regardless if the other partner never finds out.
Whether it is making fun of the introverted neighbors down the street, a celebrity on the Internet, strangers on Youtube videos, or the shy kid in class that does not know how to defend herself, having fun at someone's expense, even if they do not know about it, still does not change the fact that it is a hurtful act you knowingly commit.
So before you play a joke or prank on someone you love (or a stranger for that matter), just stop.
Especially if the person is a child, or simply does not like being made fun of. There are many ways to share an experience with someone you care about, and better ways for you to show that you care than poking fun at them.
April Fools Day is not an excuse to be a bully.
P.S. Do you Agree With This Article? Disagree? Have something to Add?
Write your thoughts in the comments below and share this article to see how many of your friends think like you.
Dr. Laurie Betito Quotes