Suicide: What are the signs, what to do, and where to go? By Jenn and Sam, Mental Health Caseworkers If you’ve been on the internet lately, you’ve probably seen posts about the new controversial Netflix show “13 Reasons Why”. If you have not seen it, let us break it down for you. The show depicts a teenage girl, Hannah Baker, trying to navigate her way through a new school. Here, she encounters bullying from her peers and struggles with mental health issues that eventually contribute to her committing suicide. Prior to her suicide, she created audio tapes that detail the reasons why she chose to end her life. The popular show has been criticized for glamorizing suicide and portraying suicide as a justifiable act of revenge. On a more positive note, many mental health practitioners and teachers are using the show to open up a line of communication about suicide with youth and adults, to educate people on how to identify the signs and how to seek help or support someone who may be suicidal. There have additionally been initiatives by local high schools where students created and shared “13 Reasons Why NOT”, which are lists of reasons why suicide is not an option. Although the show opens up this doorway of communication regarding suicide, it demonstrates little knowledge or understanding of Hannah’s mental health problems. It does not address her hopelessness, desperation or helplessness. The show appears to focus more on morality and highlights that the consequences of bullying can be deathly. There is no denying the truth behind that last statement or the detrimental effects, both short term and long term, that bullying has on its victims. That said, there is still a much broader topic that is being left out. Suicide itself. Bullying is not the only reason people chose to take their own lives. The show additionally does not address many other questions surrounding suicide including;
As mental health workers, we see individuals with suicidal thoughts, ideations, and tendencies on a daily basis. It is something we are consistently screening for, because it occurs frequently as a result of other mental health disorders. This does not mean that a person has to have a mental illness to become suicidal, but it does increase the risk of suicide. According to a study completed in 2011, approximately 3,500 people commit suicide annually in Canada. This is a staggering number. Unless you are directly affected or working in a social service/mental health setting, you are most likely unaware of what the signs of suicide are. Furthermore, you are probably unaware of what to do if you encounter those feelings yourself or discover someone you love is suffering from them. What to look for: signs and symptoms What signs do we look for? First and foremost these are general guidelines and are in no way absolutes. Some signs are more obvious, while others are more subtle. An obvious sign is someone having or verbalizing that they have suicidal thoughts and/or ideations. Simply put, the individual is thinking about dying, how to do it, and what will happen if they go through with it. These are more obvious signs as the individual will often express these thoughts to multiple people and rarely will go through with it. Subtle signs include those that are less noticeable or associated with suicide. These are often not expressed by the individual, but can be noticed in their changed behavior. These can be significant changes in mood such as anger, volatility, recklessness and/or an increase in risk-taking behavior. The individual may start to withdraw from family and friends, become more reclusive where they were once social. The individual may turn to substance use that was not present before to numb the feelings or change their state of mind. They may feel anxious, hopeless or helpless in their situation and are unable to cope with it. They may also express thoughts of having no purpose to live and that no one would be affected or care if they were gone. They may express feeling that there is no other way out of a situation. On the flip side of the coin, their mood could drastically change in an appearingly positive way where they could present much happier than they have been, as they feel a sense of purpose through their plan to take their own life and are determined to see it through. What do you do if you see these signs in someone you know or love? The first step, although maybe the hardest, is to talk to them about what you see and your concerns. Do this with an open heart and from a place of empathy. Let them express how they feel and validate their struggle, while letting them know you are there to help and support them. It is important in these situations that the person feels someone cares about them and wants to help. At some point you need to be brave enough to ask them directly if they are contemplating suicide. Ask them if they have a plan, how they would do it and if they have a time frame. If the answer to any of these questions is “yes”, then there is an urgency that needs to be addressed. This can be seen clearly in “13 Reasons Why”. Hannah creates a clear and precise plan. She chooses to create 13 tapes, clearly collects all the items she needs (tapes, razor blades, recorder etc), maps out what to record on them and then ends with her taking her own life. Often, the person will reach out in some way or another, by trying to tell someone what they are feeling or by giving away something that holds a lot of importance for them. Hannah demonstrates this by making a final attempt to get the attention she needs from her school counsellor. Suicide is a serious issue, and if you recognize these signs in someone else, it is important that that person is not left alone.
It is a scary thing to do, but you could be preventing an unnecessary death. If the situation is less urgent, but warrants help, you can visit your local CLSC. The CLSC can refer you to the appropriate services. What do you do if YOU are having these thoughts or recognize these signs in yourself? If you see the signs in yourself, it is important that you speak to someone you trust and create a plan to help yourself. We encourage clients to create a SAFETY PLAN which includes a list of reasons you shouldn’t harm yourself. This can be lists of things you love to do, places to visit, things that make you passionate and important relationships in your life such as loved ones, family, friends and pets. Add a list of resources to call in a time of need
Add people you trust and can speak to on the list including family and friends. Make sure that these are people you can get in touch with if you feel unsafe being alone. Being aware of these signs and how to provide help might make it easier to catch someone who is contemplating suicide before they act. So please, do not be another face in the crowd. Reach out if you recognize the suffering in yourself or another. You could be the difference between life or death. -Jenn and Sam For more information on suicide prevention please use the following services: Suicide Prevention Canada http://suicideprevention.ca/ Canadian Mental Health Association They have a page dedicated to services for those facing suicidal thoughts and struggles or friends/family support. https://www.cmha.ca/mental-health/understanding-mental-illness/suicide/ West Island Crisis Centre Phone: 514-684-6160 Services: 24 hour emergency hotline, psychological assessment, intervention, temporary shelter and equipped with mobile unit for evaluations. Suicide Action Hotline: 1 866-277-3553 or 514-723-4000 This hotline is open 24/7 and can provide support and assistance. Author Bios Let us introduce ourselves. We are mental health case workers, and although that sounds like a big scary title, it is actually just clinical terms for saying that we help people help themselves. Our job is to empower people with the knowledge and tools to help manage any mental health issues they may be facing. This can range from small bouts of depression and anxiety, to suicidal ideation and chronic illnesses such as Schizophrenia and Bipolar disorder. Whatever the concern, we are here to provide support, guidance and direction in riding the wave to recovery. On a daily basis you can find us meeting with clients and creating Action Plans to accomplish short and long terms goals. We help locate and direct clients and families to community services and organizations. We create and facilitate sport therapy groups, workshops, educational seminars and group activities, all with goal of normalizing mental health issues and empowering clients with the tools and skills to move forward not only in their recovery, but with their life goals. If you are lucky enough, you can even spend time with our onsite therapy pup named Norbert, who is always available and more than willing to give some love and cuddles. Norbert plays his own role as a worker, going out into the community to spread awareness and help with prevention. Our approach is far from traditional and we strive to work outside the clinical “box”. We focus on the individual’s strengths, using their passions and goals to facilitate stability and recovery. Jenn and Sam Mental Health Caseworkers
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Suicide and Depression by Frank Mondeose Wow. Chris Cornell, say it ain't so bro! Another one leaving us to suicide. What makes a beautiful, powerful, impactful soul, take their own life? Earlier this year, a very popular Tantra teacher in California, Psalm Isadora, also took her life. She was bringing magic into people's lives in such big ways and dedicating her life to sexual health and awakening. So why?
What makes these suicides more notable then all the rest of them? To me, it shows that, no matter what it looks like, no matter how shiny the exterior, people are battling their demons every day. So these 2 are great examples, that happiness is not "out there", in perceived "success", but more sourced from within. How could these 2 individuals with all this light around them take their own life? And why do we sometimes try to glide over that the cause of death is suicide? Shame? Shame of what seems to be an insurmountable sadness that forces someone into the furthest edges of the rational world? RAW TESTIMONIAL: I want to share because I think if we speak, others won't feel as alone, because everyone is going through something worthy of escaping from. Many of you will probably be surprised, but... I have also battled with suicidal tendencies since high school, being brought to the brink at least a couple times. I have prayed for death. The result: cancer. My get out of jail free card, as I saw it. So why? I can only speak for myself. I feel. I feel everything. Some things regarding to myself, other things regarding to others, some from people I don't even f-ing know. It is a gift and a curse. It is so attuned, that sometimes I even feel what is coming up before it even happens, and feel, before I can even understand what I am feeling. This has often time put me in bouts with depression. I don't understand. I don't know anything. Why am I here? What does it all mean? Even when I am doing my best, the world seems to be falling around me. So what is the f-ing point of being here anyway? Why don't I just go back to source, where I can be at ONE again and not have to feel? Ouffff, what a topic. I need to keep it short to keep your attention. Bear with me. :) So why am I still here? I picked up a few things along the way. #1 I am here, I have no choice. I was put here for a reason. So what to do? Do the only thing that means anything: Show up in the best version of myself, that I can, as much as possible, and where i under-deliver, stay aware, attentive, and open to improving. This is all I can f-ing do. From there, the rest will play out, but at least I am in right relationship with my soul, while in manifest form. #2 The first time I did ISTA In ISTA Level 2 with Bruce Lyon, I had a shift in consciousness. I had a huge realization that suicide just could no longer be a part of my reality, as it will affect my vibrational footprint and effect my life in consequence. But it was Komala Lyra, who in my second ISTA Level 2 just recently in Guatemala, that anchored this concept of why stay here? Komala succinctly described the idea of escaping from manifest reality (duality), by yearning to return to "Oneness" through suicide as an impossible realization. This intense need to escape and leave here and now, is pulled by the soul's call to wanting to be in ecstatic Oneness with all, the interconnection of energy and source force. As Komala explained, buying a ticket to Oneness, by getting on a train of Duality and Separation is impossible. "You will never get there." Everything about suicide is in the realm of duality: me, my soul, my emotions, life, death, killing, who is doing the killing, for what purpose...the mind is engaged. Duality. The ceremonial intention to return to Oneness is littered with duality. "So, live your life. If you have a death wish, live it bigger than ever, and see where that takes you. But live it, and live it fully, from the core of your heart!" I don't know how all this is landing with you, but to me it unlocked the concept of my divine, gifted time, I have here, and that every feeling and emotion, is a gift. Every heart break, every longing, every broken expectation, every laugh, every cuddle, every orgasm, is all a gift. A gift that brings us back to the realm of experience. Oneness sounds blissful, but i don't think it will feel like anything more than *everything all at once*. So while we are here, engage the singular experience of feelings, and emotions, and allow them to put you on a path of self-discovery, and soul alignment. This is why I can live so boldly. This is why I can speak my mind so clearly. This is my time. This is the blessing I was gifted with, and there is no person, no culture, no authority, that will tone me down, because my soul speaks to me and tells me that I was put here to SHINE, and it is my divine responsibility to use this time, while I am here and gifted with it, to open my HEART, to FIND MY BLISS and SHINE. And there is no way to make that happen if I am more focused on what others will think of me if I live out my bold truth. With love, respect, and gratitude for all and those souls who felt the need to go, instead of living it out here with the rest of us. You are great teachers. xo -Frank Mondeose About The Author Frank Mondeose is the owner of Monde Osé is which is a lifestyle brand focused on promoting the understanding and enjoyment of life, love and sensuality. Their mission is to offer distinguished sexy entertainment and seduce our audience while maintaining a classy high end product. Read Frank Mondeose's past posts here: http://www.franktalks.com/blog/burlesque-101 http://www.franktalks.com/blog/intro-to-sexual-shamanism-workshop-montreal Is there such a thing as Happily Single? By Frank Kermit Is being single really that bad? After all, when a person considers the amount of pain that a relationship or casual dating can cause, it may seem that just skipping the whole dating-thing altogether might make for a more peaceful life. Could it be that intimate relations are simply not for everyone, and maybe you happen to be one of those people? How do you know if being alone is the right choice for you and is it even possible to be content, o r even fulfilled in a life without romantic love? As always, that answer is completely up to you.
Without having experienced what a health loving relationship can be, or not having experienced the positive attributes of being with someone that cares for you, it is challenging for someone to see the value is pursuing a goal they have no concept of.
In these cases, people tend to be encouraged to work on themselves before entering into romantic relationships so that the challenges inherent with romantic relationships do not distract the people from the healing process, nor allow the romantic relationships to exasperate a persons energy causing them not to have the personal resources to slay the demon. This is most commonly understood when someone enters a drug and alcohol treatment center where patients are forbidden to have relations with each other and contact with loved ones must be limited. Dismissed as laziness by some, the lack of willingness to put in the work required to change behavior patterns is nothing to scoff at. Changing anything in your life forces you out of your comfort zone. It takes work. The motivation to make such changes may very well require that someone hit an absolute rock bottom before having enough gumption to finally make that change. The same principle applies to changing the status of a persons love life. It is unfortunate that people require that kind of rock bottom to reach a point where the pain of staying where they are is finally greater than the pain of making a change. When I am asked if it is better to be in a relationship that is bad, or being alone, I often quote one of my inspirations. To paraphrase: "Are you better off with that person, or better off without that person?" There is no set answer. It completely depends on the context of your situation. There are a number of other factors to consider in the answer to this question.
If you complain about being in a relationship, again do something about it.
If you are trying to figure out if you want to give up on love or not, one of the ways to decide this for yourself is to sit down and work through the differences between your feelings towards single life and your desires for the kind of lifestyle you want for yourself. Start with your ideal lifestyle and work your way backwards to your current present date. Once you have that ideal (and REALISTIC) lifestyle mapped out, see if you are the type of person that can actually attain it, and if you would be able to attract the kind of partner that you yourself would need to be. Frank Kermit P.S. Do you Agree With This Article? Disagree? Have something to Add? Write your thoughts in the comments below and share this article to see how many of your friends think like you. Realities of Mental Health by Jenn and Sam, Mental Health Caseworkers Let’s talk about mental health. What really is mental health and who is it affecting? The reality is that it affects everyone. It is the thoughts, feelings, behaviors and emotions that we feel every day. Some days are better than others, and this is true regardless of whether you suffer from a diagnosed mental illness or not. Sometimes, however, the low days become low months or you can’t get the thoughts out of your head. In some instances, your behavior becomes wildly different from how you normally are. Thought patterns or behaviors begin to disrupt your daily activities and functioning. This is when mental health becomes problematic. Most of society believes that they will never be affected by mental health problems. However, approximately 20% of Canadians experience some form of mental illness in their lifetime. This means that 1 in 5 people living in Canada are facing mental health struggles. With the wide reach of social media and social networks alone, you are guaranteed to know someone who is having a difficult time maintaining their mental health. This statistic doesn’t even include those who have a mental illness and do not seek help or agree to participate in statistical surveys. Most mental health disorders emerge in late adolescence to early adulthood. Some will develop later on, at age 40-50 years. We are seeing a trend in recent years, however, of people being diagnosed earlier than average, and we’ve even seen major disorders being diagnosed in children. This sounds scary, but the most important thing to remember is that the earlier a person is diagnosed and treated, the better their outcome. Recognizing the symptoms and seeking treatment early on creates a better prognosis, and a better chance of recovery. Obvious, right? But the reality is that most people have no clue what the signs of a mental health problem are, or are unwilling to seek treatment because of the stigma surrounding mental illness. Our main goal in writing these articles is to desensitize people to the topic of mental illness, inform, and reduce the stigma surrounding mental health. We want people to be able to open a line of communication to those suffering from mental illness; to seek help, talk to someone, and get on the road to recovery. Your mental health, although a part of you, does not define you. Within that same discussion, we hope to provide support and guidance to family members, friends and loved ones of those facing mental health struggles. One of the greatest factors in recovery is having a solid support system, which is why we encourage family and friends to educate themselves with accurate information concerning mental illness, so that they may understand what their loved one is experiencing and support them in seeking the appropriate help. -Jenn and Sam Author Bios Let us introduce ourselves. We are mental health case workers, and although that sounds like a big scary title, it is actually just clinical terms for saying that we help people help themselves. Our job is to empower people with the knowledge and tools to help manage any mental health issues they may be facing. This can range from small bouts of depression and anxiety, to suicidal ideation and chronic illnesses such as Schizophrenia and Bipolar disorder. Whatever the concern, we are here to provide support, guidance and direction in riding the wave to recovery. On a daily basis you can find us meeting with clients and creating Action Plans to accomplish short and long terms goals. We help locate and direct clients and families to community services and organizations. We create and facilitate sport therapy groups, workshops, educational seminars and group activities, all with goal of normalizing mental health issues and empowering clients with the tools and skills to move forward not only in their recovery, but with their life goals. If you are lucky enough, you can even spend time with our onsite therapy pup named Norbert, who is always available and more than willing to give some love and cuddles. Norbert plays his own role as a worker, going out into the community to spread awareness and help with prevention. Our approach is far from traditional and we strive to work outside the clinical “box”. We focus on the individual’s strengths, using their passions and goals to facilitate stability and recovery. Jenn and Sam Mental Health Caseworkers Sex and the City: Season 2- Ready, set.......PANIC!!! Written by: Pillow Talk Gal Has this ever happened to you...Your thoughts are racing, your heart is pounding and then that dreaded feeling that you’re going to pass out begins. You feel like everything around you is closing in and there’s nothing you can do to stop it. What’s happening? Well, chances are you’re having a panic attack. It’s scary (especially the first time) and it happens to so many people, yet it’s something not spoken of, due to its stigmatic nature. In season 2 of Sex and the City, episode 5 – Four women and a Funeral, Miranda has decided to make the jump and buy her own place. She is financially independent and feels ready to take the next step. Being a 35 year old, successful woman buying her own apartment alone (without the financial help of a man) seems to be a concept lost on many of the people around her (her realtor, the mortgage broker, associates at her law firm).
As she visits the vacant apartment to measure for drapes, she meets one of her soon to be neighbours who mentions that the previous owner was an unmarried, lonely old lady, who died and was found a week later, having had her face eaten off by her cat!
Finally in a last ditch effort to save her own life, she gives herself the Heimlich manoeuvre on the back of an unpacked moving box and to her relief, she is able to dislodge the trapped Kung Pao chicken. After she has caught her breath, Miranda immediately calls Carrie to inform her of her near death experience, luckily Carrie is able to talk her off the ledge (so to speak) and calm her down. When asked if she needs company, Miranda puts on a brave face and shrugs off the experience (with the exception of making sure her cat’s food bowl is completely full with food, you know, as a precaution of course).
Then out of nowhere, things start to feel very wrong. Her vision starts to blur, the buildings and everything around her begin to spin and she feels as though she is going to pass out. Luckily, a cab happens to be a few feet away (this is New York City after all), so she summons the strength to hail it over and immediately tells the driver to take her to the nearest hospital. $500 worth of tests later, doctors tell Miranda she has had a panic attack. Even though Miranda was trying to be strong, the stress from the possibility of living and dying alone became too much for her to handle.
In today’s society we are all finding our own way of dealing with the stress factor in our lives. There are so many issues now a days (divorce, politics, terrorism, bad economical times, etc...) that for many it has become almost impossible to not worry, a daily ritual if you will (in waking thoughts or as you put your head to pillow at night). As I write this I can’t help but wonder,
Mental health issues have definitely gotten more attention in the last few years, but it’s important that we all remember that the next time you see someone struggling, instead of brushing them off, be compassionate and think twice before judging. Everyone has ‘’something’’ and we can never really understand how they are handling it. About Pillow Talk Gal Born and raised in British Columbia, she is a professional woman managing a career, marriage, and a teenager. Life can be challenging at times but she's a firm believer that everything in life happens for a reason, and more often than not, she tries to understand those reasons. "Join me in my journey throughout life’s issues and I guarantee you’ll be left pondering an issue or two." - Pillow Talk Gal To read Pillow Talk Gal's last post, click HERE *Disclaimer: Sex and the City was produced by HBO and all rights, titles and interests in any images or clips, used herein under Fair Use and Fair Copying, remain the property of the author. P.S. Do you Agree With This Article? Disagree? Have something to Add? Write your thoughts in the comments below and share this article to see how many of your friends think like you. Battling the Savior Complex By Frank Kermit As children, many of us grew up on stories about the hero that saves a person, and in the process, earned the undying love and loyalty of the person saved so that the hero and that saved person live happily ever after. The message that some people got was that being a hero is a way (and for some people, they learned it is the ONLY way) to earn a love that will never experience abandonment. Others learned from those stories that you are only worthy of love if you save someone.
The "saved" person could be a person with low self esteem that makes poor choices for their own lives, a recovering addict, a person that has given up on some part of their life, a person that is always short on money, or a person that is unable to accept and express love and compliments. The savior in this case finds a person that needs help in an area that the savior feels they have some talent in and attaches to that person-in-need-of-help, usually very quickly.
For example, out of an Emotional Need of fear of abandonment, a would-be savior will actually sabotage a person's progress of healing so that the person is forever dependant on the savior. Lastly, a savior might also be a victim of someone that preys on the overly nice nature that some saviors exhibit, which results in the savior eventually needing to be saved from the manipulative puppet master.
Another scenario is that once a person has healed, he or she becomes a different person, and the new person would not have ever sought to date a savior type to begin with, and the healed party moves on to find a new life partner that they can be on more equal footing. A life partner cannot be someone that a person needs to save in order to earn love. Your life partner will love you regardless if you have the power to save them or not. If a potential life partner seeks you out to solve all of his or her problems, or if you are the one that feels obligated to save your partner from him or her self as a means to stay importantly relevant in their lives, it is all one big Red Flag. At best, a life partner is something that you can be equal too, in the sense that neither one of you is required to save the other, especially saving a partner from themselves. As partners, people can grow together, and explore the world together, and support each other through hard times, all the while making the mistakes we all make being human beings.
Beware of online profiles and single dating ads that start with: Rescue Me or something of that nature. Fairy tales might make damsels in distress seem like a romantic notion, but the real world is no place to have a life partner that does not have the inner capacity to be their own hero. Frank Kermit P.S. Do you Agree With This Article? Disagree? Have something to Add? Write your thoughts in the comments below and share this article to see how many of your friends think like you. The Difference Between Jokes and Abuse In Raising A Child By Frank Kermit A joke is not a joke if it hurts someone. With April 1st (known as April Fools Day) upon us, it can be customary for some to play a prank on the people we care about, all in the name of harmless fun. However, in my practice I see a more sinister side of this day, and the premise that it is based on. When people use April Fools Day to justify a repeating behavior pattern of meanness and bullying, it is no joke. It is abuse plain and simple. The emotional damage that can occur when humor is used as a mask for abuse is serious. Ask any trauma counselor. I worked on programs with special populations (adults with autism and other developmental challenges), and also counsel trauma victims in my coaching practice. I see and deal with the damage done to people when just having fun at the expense of a human being goes without context. In most of those cases, the people having fun do NOT acknowledge that what they do is wrong, and are usually people who actually care (or are suppose to) about their targets. The worst is when those jokes are perpetuated on children, where most people first learn about the blurred connections between humor, jokes and harmful acts. Although children have a wonderful sense of playfulness that does not mean that children can distinguish the context of when a joke is a joke and when a joke can be harmful. A child laughs at cartoon characters kicking each other in the butt (just watch old Chip And Dale cartoons for an example). However, when a child mimics that same behaviors on his daycare classmates, it is not funny to the kids being kicked. Those innocent interpretations of children can grow up into emotional blocks for grown ups. "My mother regularly told me that I was a mistake as a joke", says the adult man who has trouble holding on to a job. "My brother used to call me fat as a joke all the time", says the adult woman who is dying from an eating disorder. Let us first start off with a major concept. Children are like sponges in the way they absorb information. There is no such thing as a time to play and then a time to learn. Children are ALWAYS in learning mode. If you were to consider thinking of playtime as merely a different mode of learning, you may start to get a grasp of just how important socialization is to the development and education of a child. This is one of the reasons why new educational endeavor seek to employ entertainment values in lesson planning. When children are exposed to abuse under the form of humor, it is just as much an education about how to relate to themselves and each other, as sitting in a classroom and following a prepared lesson by a teaching professional. Children who are the target of jokes may be learning something negative if the context of the joke is in anyway hurtful. If the teasing is coming from other children who have already set themselves up to be categorized as enemies, it may carry a certain message (i.e. the problem is the other children, not the child being targeted). However if the teasing is coming from the best friends or even family of the targeted child, the message could end up being that if the people who are suppose to love the child actually hate the child, then child is unlovable. This can be especially heinous when the teasing is actually tolerated or even encouraged by the people around the child who would normally be expected to protect the child. As I teach this in my program, THE ART OF CALIBRATION PROGRAM: FROM CREEPY TO CHARISMA EBOOK: A key component if you are struggling to decide if something would be a harmless joke or if something may constitute a form of abuse or mistreatment is to ask one question: Would the person who is being targeted be laughing at the joke being played on him or her? If the answer is yes, then it is all in fun. If the person who is being targeted is not finding it as funny as the prankster, then it is abuse. At the heart of this question, is the question of consent. Would the person you are playing the joke on consent to it? If there is consent, it is a shared experience. When there is no consent, the joke can cross the line and become an act of violence or abuse (even name calling is an act of verbal abuse). To make it even more abundantly clear, if you are unable to accurately predict if the person you are targeting would fully consent, then take that as a sign not to pull the joke. The absence of consent is what makes it abuse. One question I have been asked is whether or not it is alright to make fun of someone, or laugh at someone, provided the person would never find out about it. If a person does not know he or she is being made fun of, then no feelings can be hurt, and would that make it OK? The answer is no. It does not matter if the person being made fun of, laughed at, or having a prank played upon them does not know it. It is still wrong. To use a relational analogy, it is still cheating if you have promised fidelity to someone, regardless if the other partner never finds out. Whether it is making fun of the introverted neighbors down the street, a celebrity on the Internet, strangers on Youtube videos, or the shy kid in class that does not know how to defend herself, having fun at someone's expense, even if they do not know about it, still does not change the fact that it is a hurtful act you knowingly commit. So before you play a joke or prank on someone you love (or a stranger for that matter), just stop. Especially if the person is a child, or simply does not like being made fun of. There are many ways to share an experience with someone you care about, and better ways for you to show that you care than poking fun at them. April Fools Day is not an excuse to be a bully. Frank Kermit P.S. Do you Agree With This Article? Disagree? Have something to Add? Write your thoughts in the comments below and share this article to see how many of your friends think like you. You Do Not Have Time For Toxic People By Frank Kermit When I lecture, coach or regularly talk on the radio about Toxic people, I usually define Toxic people as lacking the capacity to reason, or people who have the capacity to reason but just do not want to reason with you. I often advise that the best way to deal with a toxic person is not to deal with that person at all.
However, sometimes a “toxic” person may not be typically toxic at all. In fact the person could be a very caring friend of yours that simply is giving you bad advice or encouraging you in ways that are not in your best long-term interest.
Here are some examples
Even if the person pushes you in discouraging yourself from trying new things because that person just wants to protect your feelings in case those new things do not work out; regardless of the intent, that person is holding you back and not doing you any real favours.
Maybe your best friend has your best interests at heart, or maybe your best friend is jealous of your date and doesn’t want to lose spending time with you. Either way, if you have a chance at finding a decent partner to have a serious relationship, and a person in your life is pushing you to give it up before giving it a real chance, that person may be toxic for you.
The person could attempt to join you on your new outings that encourage your new sought out healthier lifestyle, but isn’t interested, and attempts to guilt you into going places you would rather stay away from, that person may be toxic for you. There will be consequences such as some hurt feelings, and maybe a little resentment from the people that you put some distance with. On the other hand, the consequences might also include a newfound sense of adventure for life, new confidence in your ability to more forward, and even the best possible serious romantic relationship ever. In the long term, it might be a pretty good trade. P.S. Do you Agree With This Article? Disagree? Have something to Add? Write your thoughts in the comments below and share this article to see how many of your friends think like you. The Silver Lining of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) by Josee St-Onge There were many things in my life that were not planned nor desired. Developing PTSD certainly was not one of them. Nor was the assault that lead to it. For me, it was like waking up in a foreign country. An outsider, within my own life. Even the simplest of tasks required a revision of each step in order to be able to accomplish it. At times, I did not feel much. At other times, I felt too much. Caught between two elusive worlds, I clung to anything that would help me to stay present. The laughter of my children was the first thing to seep in. Sleep was my enemy. But being awake was not my ally. Every cell in my body felt like it was irritated and angry. Utilizing every ounce of my energy. There were no reserves to access. No clear healing path to follow. And then a thought occurred to me. I had survived the worst. It was time to just be. Be who I need to be at the moment in order to move forward. Letting go is far less painful but rather a scary thing to do. Allowing myself to feel, transformed me into something unexpected. Showing me that there is no shame in taking a step back in order to reconnect with our innate self. Over time, we seem to lose this connection and define ourselves through our career, family status, age or religion. But these are not who we are as spiritual beings. But merely the costumes we wear as we progress through the various stages of life. I assure you that as a nurse, care giver and mother of three. I had lost that connection long ago. Sacrificing, giving, guiding, teaching and loving. All wonderful, in their own ways. But all draining of fuel that if not re-filled, may lead us to feel empty and resentful. The world will take as much as you are willing to give. Giving is needed. However, giving without accepting is maladaptive, counterproductive and draining. I found myself, completely depleted. I needed to be refueled. ENTER SOAP MAKING Through old-fashioned hand crafted soap making, each of my senses began to awaken one at a time. Creativity started to bubble up from deep within my soul. I let it. Slowly, inspiration took over. It was like welcoming home an old friend. One that had been lost, yet returned like not a day had gone by without. Creativity was the friend that showed up and carried me when I could no longer carry myself. On the days when I am feeling overwhelmed, I take out my supplies. First choosing my scents, then my oils. My tolerance for being in the here and now, grew from there. It seems odd to say that soap saved me. But it truly has. Along with the help of a qualified therapists and the support of family and friends! It would have been way too easy to numb my pain with drugs or alcohol. I can understand why one would want to. Trusting that we somehow have the internal resources to deal with the unimaginable is perhaps the most difficult part of the healing process. Creativity Is Your Friend Creativity is an old friend. This old friend and I, have a long healing journey ahead. But once past it, I will surely keep it around. I could never undo the amount of internal growth that it has helped me to achieve. I do not see myself as broken. But rather, broken open. It is this unfortunate event that jolted me out of my robotic way of living. I was so focused on what needed to be accomplished in my day, that I was no longer just being. On those challenging days, finding even the smallest of joys may help ground us. It can be as simple as enjoying our favorite tea. Or applying a scented hand cream. A few minutes of taking in the life around us can make the world of difference. I am excited about today. I am excited about the future. But most of all, I am excited about the deepened person I have become. There is not one thing or a person that can define us. We are the only ones with the power to do so. We must remember to just be! Soon, I will be revealing the final product of my inspirations. Feel free to reach out and share what is keeping you grounded. Let’s continue to inspire and uplift one another!
-Josee St-Onge https://www.facebook.com/beeefriendly Understanding and Letting Go of Unrequited Love
Mourning The Dream: Getting Over The Fantasy By Frank Kermit When you are mourning the loss of a relationship due to break up or divorce, or the death of loved one, the mourning process is the same. Getting used to the "new normal" of not having that person around, even if you did not always get along, requires a period of mourning. In this respect, we mourn what was familiar to us, not necessarily what was great about the previous situation. But what happens when what we are mourning never actually existed? There is someone you like. That person is special to you. You spend lots of time imagining what it is going to be like when the two of you finally have your moment and date. It is a wonderful dream. Yet, it may happen that when you finally make your interests known to the person, that you get rejected. Oh well. In this situation, most people get a little disappointed, shrug it off, and move on and look for someone else that will appreciate him or her. But-Not-You. You are heartbroken, feeling the same intensity as if you had been violated by a long-term relationship partner. You felt like it SHOULD have worked out! It SHOULD have been perfect! You SHOULD have ended up together! Why would this rejection hurt almost as much, if not more, than if you were actually dating and broke up? The answer is that the dream you created of the two of you together was as real to you as any other aspect of reality. Instead of separating the illusions and fantasy of your dream together, from the fact that the two of you never even started to date, you likely allowed yourself to accept the dream of who that other person was, and use the symbolic dream, as a real life experience to base your expectations on. THAT is why it hurts so much more than it merits. How does someone get over it? One of the ways a person can get over this kind of pain is to mourn the dream. Whatever actions you would normally take to mourn the death of a person; take those same actions to mourn the dream you built up in your mind. Writing out the experience, doing something to commemorate the dream, following a ritual of your faith are all examples. Yes, it may seem silly, but some healing methods are silly when you are not used to paying attention to emotional core hurts. It is easy to say that we should not have created the dream to begin with; however the point is moot, since you are already there. The next time you like someone, and if you have a choice to either ask out that person as soon as you can, or wait on it and spend too much time creating a dream of the future that does not exist, choose to ask out the person as soon as you can. It will save you a lot of hurt if and when things do not work out. Learn The Emotional Needs Mastery System Check out the Benefits of COACHING |
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