Worst First Date Stories Ever

4/8/2018

My dear friends,

I recently did a radio interview on the topic of Worst First Date Stories Ever. I had asked people to submit their stories online for the show. A number of people submitted stories, but there was not enough time on air to cover them all. Here are the stories of some people's worst first date experiences. If you have a first date disaster story to share, please share it in the comments of this post.

-Frank Kermit

My favorite brewery is where I took lots of first dates, and my date commented on the appearance of the server and presumed she was pregnant -and asked her... She was NOT pregnant, and the server chastised us both soundly, then carried on with the excellent customer service she and that bar are well known for. Her resilience was legendary. Needless to say the vibe was dead and my date left early. I apologized profusely to the server and it's still my favorite bar/restaurant to this day. What in learned was: Lead the conversation and exercise zero tolerance of disrespect towards those you care for even if it means ending one of the hottest dates you've ever had.

-Tom, Exterminator,
USA

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Never had a disastrous first date personally.
However, I am shooting a documentary entitled "Who Farted?"
A section deals with the time when you can fart in front of your partner as a key passage in love. (Farting on a first date?) Seriously.

-Albert Nerenberg, Documentary Filmmaker
https://www.facebook.com/TNFem/

****

After several attempts at scheduling a date because of dog sitting issues, we finally meet for dinner. He had just returned from a vacation with his dog. Just the 2 of them. Very cute, right? Or creepy, whatever. He seemed to be nice enough. While at dinner he explained how they had a lovely relaxing time (yes, him & the dog), he’s had to hire 3 dog sitters because the dog was bored of the first 2, satisfied with his job, and now looking to form the next phase of his life. I’m listening, answering his questions, engaging in conversation. He says to me “you know I feel so comfortable with you. Like I can share anything with you.” “Aww that’s very sweet thank you!” Right? He leans in and says “I want to share something personal with you”. “I am flattered. Please feel free.“ “You know I really love my dog.” Yes, I do. “I love playing with him. We love playing with each other. He really gets me through some of the loneliness I feel, sometimes.” “Of course. That’s awesome that you have the dog in your life to help you through those times. People underestimate how much companionship, caring, love, and responsibility a dog provides. Some people treat their dogs as they would a child.” “I’m so glad to hear you say that. So many people don’t understand that kind of feeling you get from a pet. In fact, I’d like to tell you something else.” [Leans in closer]. “I play with my dog naked.” “WHAT?” “Yes, I mean, the dog is naked; why shouldn’t I be? I really like the feeling of his fur on my naked body.” I get up from the table. He says” where are you going? Are you offended by this?” "Oh, absolutely not. I just forgot that I had to play with my cat".

-Clarissa Silva,
Behavioral Scientist and Creator of Your Happiness Hypothesis Method,
http://clarissasilva.com/services/

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Well I went out for dinner once with this guy . After dinner in the car ride home . He insisted I give him oral sex while he was driving!!! He bought dinner and I owed him! First red light I hopped out of the car. Scary first date.

-Kim, Musician
Brossard

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I offered to get her a drink. She turned it down. Then after the meal when it felt to me like there was NO chemistry she started to order drinks. By the 3rd one in she threw up on her way to the bathroom lol. I kept thinking she would stop ordering them and finally I just paid the bill and said "I gotta go!" Apparently she thought we had a "connection" lol

-Brian, Investor
Toronto

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We had gone out to dinner - he complained about everything. I knew I definitely wouldn't be seeing him again, but figured maybe I could at least get some sex out of it. He didn't know how to kiss, and his other skills were laughable. I stopped him before we even finished getting naked because I was trying so hard not to laugh and just said "You can go now".

-Mary, Dancer
Montreal

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One disaster was he asked me out and he picked the restaurant when I said I found it pricey he said don't worry and so I assumed he was paying. I ordered a $15 dollar drink. When the bill came he split the bill in half and told me what my share was and he wasn't even interesting to talk too!

-Marilyn, bookkeeper
Ottawa

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I once had a girl on a date and she was flirting with the waiter at the restaurant and a different waiter spilled sauce on me by accident. Then we went to a bar and she was talking to another guy most of the night. And then on the way home she asked me to pull over so she can puke.

-David, Project Manager
Montreal

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I was talking to a guy this week who said the past two women he met for coffee were very disappointing, so would I be open to doing a Skype date before we actually meet? You know, so he isn’t wasting his time...wow. Pass.

-Carrie, Public Relationships
Montreal

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I do remember the first time I had a date, I essentially threw up before meeting the girl I had been long distance dating over the internet for 9 months, and was so self hating towards myself that she "just friended" me. I can't really remember much of anything other than she concluded I was really boring. It was pretty terrible to hear on my end and definitely tore me up inside for months when she told me.

-Clyde, DJ
Toronto

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I spent a month talking to someone every night online. Upon meeting face to face for the first time, he arrived grabbing me and french kissing them as the first hello - Not cool. What saved him at the time is he was nice, and he kissed great LOL!!

-Alice, Catering

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She had also noticed that I hadn't put that I was looking for long-term dating on my OKC profile, but she decided to wait until we met in person to bring up with me that she was looking for long-term herself. I emphasized to her that, in fact, I wasn't looking for that at that point and that it might be best for us to call it a day if we were at that kind of impasse. She broke down crying in front of me, saying things like "All men want the same thing; I should just give up" and, somewhere in there, told me that she didn't trust the diagnosis her psychiatrist had given her of borderline personality disorder. Finally, she somewhat collected herself and said with a lot of tension in her voice, "You know...I may really wind up kicking myself for this...but I wouldn't be ENTIRELY opposed to seeing you again."

-Roger, Office Manager
New York, USA

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Because I dated out of towners after my divorce, we would meet at a hotel, sharing the room, but with two single beds. - At the hotel, the lady at the front desk wanted to change our room with two single beds to a large king sized bed- assuming we were married. Awkward.

-Amy, Translation
Montreal

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Girl pursues me and I am confident she has finally come around to my advances on social media. So we go out for a drink and appetizers which turned into dinner and by the time I spent some good coin, she told me "it's complicated" and already has a boyfriend.

-Sam, Publisher
Toronto

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I was taken to see Silence of the Lambs as a first date - and not given the context of the movie. I was scared to walk home for months after.

-Annie, Chef
Montreal

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And then there was the guy who told me he could not afford a flavor shot in his coffee at Starbucks...and proceeded to try to sell me his photos of a topless ex-girlfriend. We were standing in line at the Starbucks inside the Barnes and Noble, I laughed, and he said, "No, really, I don't know how I am going to pay my rent this month." So, I bought the coffee. And then, he proceeded to tell me that his ex-wife (or ex-girlfriend?) had continued to support him, because he was waiting for a disability settlement for a work accident. But, it had just been approved and he only had to get through the next three months. And we talked some more, about work, etc. And, he mentioned being a musician and a photographer. And I asked if he could use his photography (which was art) to make money for a few weeks, And he told me he had some of his photos in his car, and proceeded to show them to me on his phone. Include some of a topless woman. I finished my coffee, and he said "Do you want to hang out next weekend?" and I said "no thank you".

-Dante Spetter, PhD.
Clinical psychologist and dating, divorce, and parenting coach
Facebook page

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We met online, she had only photos of her face, a bit filtered. However, I decided to take the risk. When I saw her I already knew she wasn’t my type. However, I always try to be a gentleman in situations like that and not to hurt people. I set out to have a nice evening and dinner with another human being. We went to a restaurant, sat and started talking. It was quite nice, she seemed interested in me, but I kept it casual. Our food arrived, and in the middle of the course she took out nasal spray, put it into her nostrils and took big breaths with all the expected sound effects.

-Merlin Moroz, Dating Coach
Lublin, Poland

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I once went on a blind date set up by a friend of a friend. When we met, which was at a pretty fancy restaurant located in little Italy, I couldn’t get past his mannerisms. Also, the fact that he was newly divorced of two months, turned me off. He wasn’t very articulate or funny, which he thought he was, and I laughed at his jokes regardless, just to be polite. A half hour into the drinks before supper, he leaves to go to the bathroom and I text my friend at full speed! “Angie!!!! Call me in about five minutes and sound panicked on the phone! Just make up something so I can get out of this date!!” He came back less than five minutes later and sat down. We of course started chit chatting a little and the phone goes off! Angie - “Hey, I know you’re on your date but your son is sick and you must come home!” I rolled my eyes, thinking "she couldn’t have used a better excuse?” Me putting on the theatrics - “Oh no! Ok, give him some children’s Tylenol and I’ll be right over!” So while I excused myself to the blind date, he walked me to my car and asked “Can we do this again next week?” I looked at him and replied - “I don’t think so! Good luck!” He stood back and I got into my car and left. I couldn’t lie anymore! It was eating at me. I had to be honest. “Sorry buddy, you’re not my type!” Lol

-Lory, Author
Montreal

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So, I went on a date with this gentleman. I had met him at a party and he was friends with someone I know. We talked the whole party and he seemed very intelligent, funny, nice. Maybe not completely my type but I wasn't necessarily ready for anything serious at that point. Now, I wouldn't ordinarily do these things, but because he was a friend's best friend, I was a little more relaxed about how I handle dates. So I met him somewhere, then he drove from there. We went to Annapolis and just had some food. Then, he showed me where his parents boat was. (And he still lived at home with them...yep) We saw the boat, and then he proceeded to pee off the end of the pier. Unashamedly. When we got back to my car and we were sitting in his car before I was getting out, he took my arm and licked it from the bottom to almost the top. I wasn't having that. Very nice person, maybe not ideal for someone like me lol

-Piper Grey, USA

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If you have a first date disaster story you would like to share,
post your story in the comments below!

-Frank

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