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bad luck with dating
There is More To Dating and Finding Love Than Just “Getting Lucky”
by Frank Kermit
As a coach I often hear people who sign up for coaching,
talk about how unlucky they are at love.
However, when that talk starts up, I often ask my coaching clients, if you were too consider that your love life is not a result of bad luck, but bad choices you made over the years, how would that change things for you?
The results are really powerful.
You go from feeling helpless and acted upon,
to feeling empowered and in control of your situation.
One of the writing exercises that I have in my coaching workbooks I’m a Man, That’s my Job Workbook for Men, and I’m a Woman, It’s My Time Workbook for Women is a Timeline exercise called, “The First Mistake”.
The Point of this timeline is help you realize where you made your original first mistake that brought you to where you are right now. You will be surprised to learn that your first mistake with your most recent break up, heart ache or divorce did not even likely happen with the person you were most recently involved with.
In fact, your current situation is more likely a result of various repeating behavior patterns that you followed through on, that started way before you met the person that ruined your life.
Let me explain a little.
Let’s say you are dealing with a nasty divorce spending lots of money on courts and lawyers.
- How did you get into this mess?
- Was your first mistake that you did not commit to fixed what was wrong with your marriage before it was too late?
- Was your first mistake marrying the person you are now divorcing?
- Was your first mistake not dumping the person after the first 3 months of dating when you started to feel that this wasn’t your ideal match after spotting various red flags?
It could be.
But in coaching, we DIG DEEPER.
Maybe your first mistake was dating the same kind of person time and time again, because you never learned to choose better partners prior to even meeting your ex-spouse.
In fact, you had gone through really intensely bad break ups before your divorce, and in coaching, we do an analysis to see if your relationships prior to the big one were one bad break up after another getting worse and worse until your current situation could be predictable…and everyone else saw it coming, except you.
Maybe your first mistake was that heart break you experience when you were in your teens, and instead of learning your lesson about better choosing more compatible candidates to date, you just accepted that this was the best you could hope to get, and that you wouldn’t be able to do better anyways.
Your current love life is a reflection of a series of choices you made (or did not make) that brought you to this point on the line of time.
Finding love, getting a date, and having a successful long term relationship, has a lot less to do with luck and a lot more to do with your intent.
You have a choice.
You can either date hoping to get lucky to meet someone special, or you can STOP, set yourself up for relational success, and take a more frank approach to your love life.
That is your power of choice.
The power of choice ALWAYS comes with a condition: You have to learn what to do with it, or you will end up more miserable trying to rely solely on luck.
It is time to Take The Luck Out Of Love and sign up for Coaching.
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