Swiping Right on Tinder: Jumping In To Online Dating

7/17/2017

Swiping Right On Tinder: Online Dating

Swiping Right
by Carrie Joyner

I always figured the next love of my life would happen organically.

After 2 years of taking a break from the soul sucking world of online dating, I decided to jump back in because the old fashioned way of meeting men just wasn’t happening.

Not the right ones, anyhow.

The romantic notion of meeting Mr. Right in the frozen food aisle at the grocery store went out the window a long time ago since Steve Jobs put iphones in 90% of the populations hands.

Human interaction is scarce these days.

Eye contact is nothing short of a miracle.

People would rather Snap Chat themselves with cartoon eyes and dog noses.

-I don’t get it.

-I don’t want to get it.

I didn’t go hungry the past two years, don’t get me wrong.

I just needed to kick start the process and increase the odds of landing a dream partner before I start thinking about getting a few cats and spending every night binge watching Million Dollar Listing and fantasizing about a career in high profit real estate.

Putting yourself out there lends to some pretty deep self-analysis by being part of that online, fast food style relationship world.

Don’t get me wrong, there are good men out there…but you have to cut through a lot of weeds to find a good one.

With my iphone machete in hand, I began hacking away.

Vessel of choice: Tinder

I am tired of paying for the chance to meet someone who could ultimately end up wasting years of my life.

I spent the better part of 2 years in 3 useless relationships because of that.

Recently divorced and feeling the clock ticking in the last few years of my 30’s, I dropped the bar…forget raising it…and settled with three different men for the sake of being in a relationship.

Mild levels of attraction led to a lot of time being complacent, at times anxiety-inducing and ultimately unfulfilling relationships.

One was crazy, one was a jerk and one was just too nice.

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I just signed up two weeks ago, so about 50 matches later, 4 disappointing actual dates, I am taking a deep breath and getting ready for week three.

The latest date was probably the strangest.

A hot pilot who had been texting with me for about 24 hours before I found a hole in my schedule and asked him if he was free.

He was, we set up a time and place to meet for a drink.

He arrived 30 minutes late because he was stuck in traffic and took about ten minutes to establish consistent eye contact with me.

This is where all that self analysis kicks in.

The reality is that I am sitting in front of a total stranger.

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I don’t know if he has issues.

I don’t know his back story

or what really happened in his last relationships,

or how hurt he had been in the past.

The questions float around my head incessantly.

-Is he not focusing because he is nervous?

-Am I too good looking for him?

-Am I not good looking enough?

I finally hooked him in a topic that he was semi-passionate about and I had my eye contact at last.

He didn’t want to leave,
but I have to cut these things short unless there are fireworks.

Plus, my dog needed a walk.

He texted me after to make sure I got home safely, which was thoughtful.

He asked if he could see me again

and I said yes,

because maybe that first encounter
was just scratching the surface.

I haven’t heard back from him all weekend
and I am not going to reach out first
…I am old school like that.

Online dating is not how I imagined meeting my next boyfriend and hopefully husband, but it is the easiest way to start connecting to total strangers, some with good intentions, others not so much.

It takes time, energy, thick skin and courage of steel

to not cancel dates

that seem like a good idea while couch surfing with chardonnay.

Total exposure.

But I guess you can’t win the lottery without buying a ticket,
so let the games begin!

-Carrie Joyner

Carrie Joyner, Writer

About The Author

Carrie Joyner is
a regular contributor to the
FrankTalks.com/Blog

To Read Her Last Post:

http://www.franktalks.com/blog/the-power-of-the-yoga-community-and-the-drive-by-divorce

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2 Comments

Barb Hill

7/18/2017 08:39:34 am

Great article Caroline. I am terrified to try online dating. First, I am over the hump of wanting to find a husband! The main reason I wanted one in the first place was to have a baby and start a family and I am definitely over the Hill (pun intended) on that longing! Secondly, with my kindaluck, I could attract the Bill-The-Strangler type! And, thirdly, I would prefer the grocery store encounter. Maybe there is someone "out there" like me who doesn't have their face constantly glued to a electronic screen in public? And last but not least, I still believe in Destiny and if I am doomed to meet my so-called Soulmate, it better happen pretty fast because we are both nit getting any younger. All in all, I really enjoy my Girls' Nights at a BYOW or going to lunch or a movie with a good friend from time to time. Yet, with all my heart dear Caroline, I wish you shelter from the storm, a cozy fire to keep you warm, and most of all, when snowflakes fall, I wish you Love! Don't forget, Precious, I owe you much!

Caroline

7/26/2017 11:14:14 pm

You are just the sweetest, Barbie! Thanks for that awesome comment. I think we'd all like it to just happen, but sometimes you have to kick start the odds. Xo