Life is not a fairy tale.
You are not a helpless, beautiful princess in peril needing to be saved because of how pretty you are, nor a handsome prince who is also a knight setting out to rescue someone as a means of earning true love.
You have a lot more power and control over your own destiny than you were raised to believe you had. Believing in fairy tales may have been acceptable when we were children, but it is destructive to base decisions made for your adult love life on what fairy tales taught you.
The first thing is you do not need anyone to save you from a life of loneliness or from ending up with the wrong person. You have the power (and dare I say the obligation) to save yourself.
Want to be rescued from poverty? Earn your own money and build your own wealth. Want to get out of a bad living situation? Make whatever sacrifice to get yourself educated or knowledgeable enough to get yourself out of there. Want to make sure that you do not end up alone? Be proactive in meeting new people and become the kind of person that others would want to date. Stop waiting for someone to come along to find you. You go find that someone first.
The second thing is instead of looking for a life partner that you would need to save first, you should be seeking someone that can be a contributing partner to help you build the future you both agree on.
You are lovable without having to save someone from him-or-herself in order to earn love. In fact, even if you do save someone, you may earn their gratitude, and you may earn their appreciation, but you did not automatically earn that person’s love.
Demanding someone love you just because you saved the person (from themselves or from someone else) does not guarantee love. It never has regardless of what fairy tales imply. Stop trying to hero your way to love.
And the scariest part about this life lesson for your love life?
The realization that there is no guarantee of a happily ever after, even when you meet someone wonderfully suited to you.
Life is a series of struggles, and ups and downs. Even when you find that magical connection and sustainable relationship, you are still dealing with two flawed human beings that will have to contend with everything nasty life has to throw at you both.
From friends and family who refuse to accept or acknowledge your love, to dealing with the death of loved ones, personal sickness, challenges as parents, broken trusts, financial concerns and other elements too numerous to mention all of which can send even the strongest couples into the negative portion of divorce statistics.
Singles who are caught up on having the perfect date, the perfect fantasy romance, the perfect fantasy wedding, and the perfect family life will more than likely end up perfectly single.
Life is not perfect, and neither are you.
The sooner you accept that, the sooner you will be ready for a real relationship.
FRANK KERMIT MA
EXPERT RELATIONSHIP COACH
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