Introduction to the 10 Year Anniversary Edition of From Loser To Seducer
by Jade Kermit
He likes to tell me that he seduced me. I roll my eyes at him and tell him I seduced him. The truth lies somewhere in the middle, in that we seduced each other. When we met we were two people who had been bashed by life to the point where we both had decided enough was enough. We had both made the life choice long before we meet each other to change. To examine our choices, to examine ourselves and decide, in our hearts what we really wanted and who we were inside.
When I met Frank in 2006 the world of online dating was still a fairly new thing. I was pretty new to it but really ready for that opportunity to meet, not just someone, I was looking for my life partner. The first time we were matched up online, Frank sent the only thing that was allowed on the site we were both on: an auto request to email me. I instantly replied no! The picture he had emailed me shocked me, and made me wonder what sort of man was he? There he was smiling into the camera, decked out in a purple sequined shirt, every finger adorned with silver and golden rings, many of them skull faces and around his neck more chains than I could count! He also wore a Fedora hat and was holding a cane. I decided that he was probably a player, and rejected him. Who dresses like that??
After rejecting Frank, I decided to date as many men as I could with the purpose of finding a partner, someone to build a future with. Alas my time was filled with a lot of “first and only dates”. Men I realized years later that either weren’t ready to date, had hardly ever dated, or were closet virgins! It was at this time that I was well and truly at the end of my patience for dating in general. I remember telling myself “okay, just one more date and if that doesn’t work out, that’s it.” I had resigned myself to work on my career, probably leave the Province to head to Alberta, which at that time was paying big money for skilled workers.
I didn’t know the dating site I was on allowed for people to retry contacting someone. So I was surprised when I received another request from Frank. This time he sent me a different picture where he was dressed in what I considered to be ‘normal clothing’. I realized that I had judged him too fast. How did I know what he was really like? Throwing caution to the wind, I decided the Universe was giving me a second chance, so I suspended my judgment and said yes!
Through emails and eventually telephone calls we started to hash out our terms. We seemed to get along but there were things that had to be made clear. Choices that could not be repeated and personality types we never wanted to encounter again, much less date! Due to various circumstances including my getting badly injured at work, Frank and I ended up being able to spend a lot of time together. In that time, we formed a bond and understanding that surprised and scared both of us. We would often look at each other and voice in wonder if such a connection was truly possible, or if it was even real. Two weeks into dating we were shopping for an engagement ring! I insisted on something cheap and cheerful, I was going to go the fake but beautiful route, but Frank insisted on my having a real gemstone ring. The one I picked surprised him. It’s not expensive or fancy but it’s beautiful and it was on sale! (I love a bargain)
All these years’ later women will still gush over Frank. When we attend dinner parties I watch them lean forward to listen to his every word. They will unconsciously flirt with him while their oblivious partners sit beside them. Why don’t these men notice? They don’t see Frank as a threat. He’s not your typical catch from a physical standpoint, and yet with his every word, every gesture they are hooked. Later on, these same women will tell me “Oh you are so lucky to have Frank!” and look at me with hidden distaste. Why? Jealousy for one and, well I am not a typical catch from a physical standpoint either! Standing almost 6 feet tall I tower over most everyone, including men. I am no delicate flower, but I am a catch! With my biggest smile I will turn to these women and say, “Frank is lucky too.” I am not a jealous woman. I know what I offer and am not threatened by other women. If you are confident in yourself, and what you have as a couple there is no need to be jealous.
I never asked or expected a date to pay for my meal. I never expected to be treated like a Princess. Princesses are for fantasy films and little girls. I am a woman. I am intelligent, strong and not afraid to speak my mind. I am self-sufficient and hard working. I never NEEDED a man in my life, but I WANTED one. I wanted a husband, a life partner to share the journey with.
People ask me: What is Frank really like?” Frank is just like his writings. Honest and straightforward. If you know how many books, lectures and other works he has done then you know he is hard working. The hardest working person I know. He is loyal and dedicated and yes, seductive. So subtly seductive that he has to rein it in sometimes in order to keep our social circles comfortable. He is also caring, loving, and extremely considerate. When I was injured all those years ago, he is the one that showed up at my door carrying groceries and a cane for me because he knew I could barely walk. My family never came; they said it was “too far” to bother to help me. Frank made a 2-hour journey on the bus to help me. That is the kind of man that he is.
Frank is also still a dork. Completely and utterly! He still loves comics, especially Ghost Rider. He gets pretty excited over kids toys. And although he denies it- he really does love our cats. (I’ve caught him snuggling them) He is prone to what we call “Frankisms” statements that make my head hurt but make me laugh at the same time. An example: One freezing cold winter day after he had been outside, I asked him “Is it slippery out there?” His answer? “Only where there’s ice!” He wasn’t joking. He truly thought that answer was helpful.
For anyone that fears losing him or herself if they “transform” from Frank’s work, don’t be afraid. Embrace the change, and know that the best parts of you will not only continue, they will thrive. The obstacles that held you back will dissolve and you will wonder why you resisted for so long.
I remember when I read Everything Out Of Her Mouth Is A Test in the early days of dating Frank. I was sitting on his bed in his tiny one room apartment. I sat there with my mouth open in shock. “You broke the code!??” I said to him in disbelief. “I know,” he said proudly, smiling at me. At the time I was worried that there wouldn’t be any mystery left, that he would be able to read me so well I’d be uncomfortable and hate it. In truth sometimes I do hate it! Mostly though, I am grateful that he “gets me” especially on the days that I am being the most difficult person and he has the patience of a saint, because he knows what my Emotional Needs are.
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