How To Be Bald And Confident

How to be Bald and Confident By Frank Kermit

Old photos show your great grandfather was bald. Your grandfather was bald. Your great uncles were bald. Today your uncles are balding, your father is balding, and your older brother has a receding hairline. You still have a full head of hair, but for how long? You know that your genetics are working against you when it comes to your hair. Baldness is coming.

Right now you would rather focus on just trying to get Suzie, the woman you are attracted to, to agree to meet you for a coffee date.

Like many people, you unconsciously run your fingers through your hair, especially when you are feeling stressed. You do this now, and wonder if once you start losing your hair, will it be even harder to get women like Suzie to want to date you?

What if your hair loss starts at the top of your head? You know that Vertex hair loss is the most common. You cringe thinking about styling your hair in the “comb over” like your uncles.

You are concerned about male pattern baldness genetics given your family history with hair loss, and rightly so.

However, before we get into that discussion, let me tell you a little story about a guy named "Monty" and his sudden hair loss.

Monty's Hair Loss Story

Monty is a man who was a rebel in his youth; some called him a bum because of his style of dress with his 80s rocker hair and the fact that at 18 he devoted so much time to fixing his beloved car.

When it came to women, Monty was a ladies man.
He was the quintessential “bad boy”.
Women loved him!
They also loved to hate him, torn between love and hate for the irresistible tramp he was.

For years, Monty was an adventurous playboy who never any problem finding new women to bring into his life,

until one day when

Monty started losing entire clumps of his hair.

The neighbours who loved to gossip started talking about him even more:

"It’s because of those drugs he did as a teenager!”
exclaimed one neighbour, and so the rumours began to circulate the neighbourhood.

"Maybe he is having cancer treatments? It must be!"
said another neighbour.

"I have a cousin who said she found out his fiancé was cheating on him! He must be traumatized so his hair is falling out.“
said another neighbour.

"I bet he is pulling it out himself.
He always liked getting attention. It’s not natural",
decided yet another neighbour.

Concerned about what was happening to him,
Monty sought out medical help.
Doctors initially thought it might be Alopecia Areata (AA),
where the hair loss is in patches on the scalp.
Monty continued to lose hair so the doctors then decided he had Alopecia Totalis (AT), which is total hair loss on the scalp,
and only the scalp.
While struggling to accept this diagnosis,
Monty also started to lose hair everywhere.

It’s called Alopecia Universalis (AU).

His hair began to fall out not just on his scalp,
but over his entire body as well.

Within less than 1 year, all of Monty’s hair was gone. His facial hair, his eyebrows and eyelashes, his armpit hair and his “manly” chest hair and all the other hair on his body fell out.

Monty looked into hair loss treatments.
He researched male pattern baldness,
and tried to find out if it was possibly due to genetics?

He experimented with every hair loss remedy
that he came across.

5 Mistakes That Men Make That Contribute To Hair Loss

**Visual supplied by forhims.com, a men's wellness company

He was looking for a hair loss cure. He subscribed to every hair loss news feed he could find. Finally, he discovered a method that seemed to have limited results. Monty found that cortisone injections taken regularly (that were somewhat expensive) would allow him to experience patches of hair that slowly grew back, but as soon as he stopped the injections, so would the hair growth.

In his research Monty found that in some cases of Alopecia the person's hair could grow back. Unfortunately for him the odds were against him. Hair regrowth could happen in 8-10% of the cases where there is only a small area involved.

However, the more extensive the hair loss, the less likely it is to ever grow back. With limited success in further hair loss prevention, Monty decided to discontinue any further treatments, and accept the consequences of his diagnosis.

Before he lost his hair Monty was a very confident man who attracted women easily and had a wild sex life.

Since he was already an Alpha male, his hair loss wouldn't affect his confidence, would it?

Well, actually, it did.

One of the things that made Monty feel so confident with women is that he was always able to feel masculine with them. He was cocky, he knew how to have a good time and he had a full head of rocker hair!

When Monty lost his hair, he was shocked.

He always associated his masculinity
with his rocker hair and wild bad boy image.

When he looked in the mirror, he didn’t see the man he used to know. He was worried that women would reject him because he no longer had the hair he used to have.

What Men Want And Don't Know It

In my book “Mastering The Emotional Needs of Men: Ally vs. Enemy” I teach that one of the Emotional Needs of men is Masculine Identity.

This is how each individual man defines his own masculinity.

An Emotional Need is what a person emotionally responds to, NOT what they think.

This means that while a man might intellectually understand that he is more than just his hair, his emotional reaction can cause him to withdraw or lose his sense of confidence from hair loss.

For many men, having hair is part of their Masculine Identity Emotional Need.

When Monty had hair he never cared what people thought about him. He was confident, arrogant, willing to make the first move, and loved to pursue women. He was envied by men, and sought after by women. He was sure of his Masculine Identity.

After his hair loss, Monty felt like he didn’t know himself anymore.

He became afraid, as he was convinced that people were looking at him, talking about him, and laughing at him. He could hardly bring himself to leave his home because of his fears. He felt that he had lost his Masculine Identity with the loss of his hair.

Now let’s go back to your story. How does this relate to YOU? You are attracted to Suzie and would like her to go out on a coffee date with you, but fear your genetic predisposition to male pattern baldness or total hair loss will keep you out of the running.

THE TRUTH IS THIS:

It was not Monty's hair loss that caused him to lack confidence, just like it is not about your receding hairline that is stopping you from asking Suzie out.

It does not matter that Monty had a reputation for being a “ladies man” and the experience to back it up.

It does not matter what you have going for you.

If you have a hard time accepting yourself, it will be even harder for you to put yourself out there and risk rejection, when you express your interest in someone who might not want you back.

Women Who Reject Balding Men

Are there women who find balding men less attractive?

Yes.

There are also women who say that bald men are sexy.

There are studies that show that some women prefer balding men, and other studies that show that women love a man with a full head of hair. Many of these studies are tied into selling products, so buyers beware.

No matter what the issue is: whether it is baldness, height, weight, finances, etc. there will be women who love it, women who are not bothered either way as long as their other criteria are met (sense of humour, honesty etc.), and there are women who will hate it to the point where no matter what else you have going for you, it will never be enough to compensate for what you are “lacking” in their eyes.

Learn Social Cues so Hair Loss Will Never Stop You

In my program, “The Art of Calibration Program: From Creepy To Charisma”

I discuss this concept and assign a percentage to make it easier to understand.

So now to explain further, we will examine the topic of hair loss in men and apply randomly chosen percentages of 15%, 70% and 15%.

For the 15% of women out there who love bald or balding men:

There is nothing for you to worry about. These women are ready to love you for the way you look right now. Be enthusiastic to meet them, and when you do focus on addressing her Emotional Needs.

At the same time, you will be challenging her to address your Emotional Needs as a man.

The women that already were attracted to Monty loved him for being Monty (not because of his hair) and would have continued to want him if Monty had only continued to purse them.

Just like if Suzie already likes you, then all you have to do is make your move and ask her out.

For the 70% of women who are neutral about bald or balding men:

This is the group that you can influence the most.

They will look to you to set the example of how you want to be treated.

If you fully accept yourself and you ACT like your hair condition (whatever it may be) is not an issue for you, they will follow your example, and not make it an issue for them.

If however you do not fully accept yourself, and act like your hair loss is a big issue, they will also react to you as if it were a big issue.

Monty would have lost this group and it would not have been because they cared about his hair. Monty let his hair loss affect him so much, it was to the the point that he was no longer open to female attention, and the women picked up on that message.

That is why he would have lost this group.

Just like YOU who are too preoccupied with your thinning hairline!

Suzie is going to sense that you are not really present with her, and she is going to feel (your lack of being present) enough not to go on a date with you, if you ask her.

Dating a Younger Woman

For the 15% of women who already dislike bald or balding men:

Your best bet with this group is to cut your losses and move on.

The person Monty was before his hair loss never cared what this group of women thought because he was too focused on having fun with the 85% (15% plus 75%) of women out there (the majority) that either already liked him, or that he could influence into liking him for a date!

He didn’t care about the women that would never accept him, until he reached a crisis moment in his life where HE stopped accepting himself.

If Suzie (or any other woman) really hates bald or balding men balding, then it is best to find out as soon as possible. Move on to someone who either loves it, or is neutral about it.

Never is the real issue hair loss, or going bald, or considering yourself to be the newest member of the follically challenged community.

The issue is NOT your hair loss.

The issue is how you deal with it that matters.

Dealing With Going Bald

The Franktalks.com coaching philosophy is this:
IF THERE IS SOMETHING ABOUT YOURSELF
THAT YOU DO NOT LIKE

YOU MUST OWN IT

To OWN it, means to either:

A) Accept it as part of who you are. If it is not going to change, work around it as best you can and do what you want to do with as little compromise as possible

or

B) Do something directly about it to change it.

A) Accepting Hair Loss

Accepting hair loss comes in different forms:

For some men accepting hair loss means learning to be okay with it, accepting the fact that some women will have a problem with it, and being okay with that.

For some men, accepting hair loss means they shave their heads and feel they are taking an assertive step towards the situation, rather than let the hair loss and possibly eventual balding happen on it's own.

For some men, accepting hair loss means never letting it stop them from doing the things they would have done if they had the hair.

Hair loss is an opportunity to self-actualize (self reflection) of what going bald means to you.

If hair loss or going bald means that you see yourself as no longer young, virile, or adept at attracting women, it will influence the way you feel about yourself, likely in a negative way.

The way you feel about yourself is a key element in the world of attracting a partner.

If hair loss or going bald holds a different meaning for you such as:

*The privilege of growing older (When you appreciate your age as you begin to attend funerals of those close to your age)

*A sign of wisdom that comes with maturity

*You just don’t have to care anymore what other people think about anything you do.

It will influence the way you feel about yourself, most likely in a very positive way.

The way you feel about yourself is a key element in the world of attracting a partner.

Acceptance:

Being okay with something by not letting it turn into a problem that hinders you from doing the things you want to do with your life.

By accepting you find a way to get your needs met, even if you cannot have everything you want.

It has nothing to do with giving up.

B) Making Some Changes

If you have accepted that this is your situation, and instead of working around it, you want to try to change your situation, the next step is to look at the options available to you.

This requires research and some experimenting to find what works for you. Just as not every person can follow the same diet plan, not every person will want to follow the same hair loss solution.

There are many causes of hair loss, and one possible cause is stress. If you feel that your hair loss is from stress, it may be time to re-evaluate your lifestyle and seek ways to make it less stressful.

This might mean some sacrifices that you did not anticipate making.

For example: It might mean a change of employment for you to something less stressful, but that also might mean a drastic pay cut. Looking at hair loss causes is just one step in the process. This is one possible solution if you are suffering hair loss from stress.

Next, have a look at other solutions that may work for you. Some men opt to wear a wig, an artificial hair piece (toupee), or other methods.

When it comes right down to it, the opinions of others do not matter (including the opinion of this author). What matters is that YOU are comfortable with the solution you seek, and you are comfortable with the risks of being exposed if you keep some of these methods a secret.

Currently there is no cure for baldness (at least none that I know of, and if someone reading this article has knowledge of such, please leave a comment to share that knowledge with men who may want it.)

Knowledge Is Power

Do NOT be in denial of what is happening to you.

Denial instead of acceptance tends to lead to poor choices. Denial of any issue that is affecting a man's emotional well being will cause him to make questionable decisions in many areas of his life, including what to do about hair loss.

An example:

A man works a job in an area of industry that is declining. He is in denial about the longevity of his employment. He decides to increase his expenses and in turn acquires debt. Contrast this with another man who also works a job in an area of industry that is declining, but who has accepted the truth of his situation. He wisely curbs his spending while seeking out knowledge on alternative sources of income.

Your inability to cope with your hair loss will result in your eventual violation of a woman’s Emotional Needs.

Why?

The longer you date the same woman, the more she will get to know the real you. At that point, the truth will be harder to deny.

The truth about your hair loss is sure to come up and she will be concerned that you kept the truth from her. This may make her wonder what else you are not telling her.

The issue is trust not hair loss.

How To Make Balding Look Good

If you are in the position where you are in the process of balding, whether you have vertex baldness, a receding hairline, or you are anticipating hair loss and want to take proactive self-care steps,

there is nothing wrong with seeking out some advice on the subject.

Hair loss and confidence are tied together for many men who see it as part of their Masculine Identity emotional need.

True confidence develops as a result of the actions you take.
If your appearance is what you are worried about
(and you consider your hair to be part of your appearance)
then take action!

Put work into your overall appearance.
Look your best and carry yourself in a way
that displays your pride.

There have been studies done on men’s online dating profile photos. The studies found that the photos of men, which received the MOST likes, were the photos in which the men expressed PRIDE in their faces.

The facial expression of feeling proud was interpreted as CONFIDENCE.

change your life in 90 days

For over 15 years I have coached men about dating and relationships. In that time the message that I have received over and over again is that men really do not feel they should ask for help.

It is part of many male cultures to be an independent achiever. What we as men must remember is that even the most accomplished men have a team of coaches, mentors and advisers.

Clients who have taken action and asked for help have achieved great success in their lives.

In 90 days Adult Male Virgins who were never able to admit they even had problems with sex and dating, found themselves with multiple girlfriends!

They found confidence through their actions. They developed pride in their appearance (and yes many of these men did have hair loss concerns).

lose your virginity in 90 days

If YOU are embarrassed about your thinning hair, don’t be.

Take action! Ignoring what is happening to your hair, and being in denial does not help you in the long term.

The worse thing you can do is try to hide your concerns,
and end up trying untested methods
which could harm your remaining hair,
and possibly your health.

Accept your hair loss situation.

Own it.

Love yourself regardless of it.

Be PROUD of your appearance as it is,
and know that you can do something about it
if you want to change it.

Seek out some those who can help you
to keep your confidence up.

Remember Monty?

It took a little longer than expected, but with the proper coaching and guidance Monty was willing to go out in public again.

Eventually he remembered everything that he still had going for him before he lost all of his hair. Monty took action and found the pride in himself that he had lost.

He even went back to his playboy lifestyle for a time until he met a woman he really adored. The married and today they have a family together.

Monty now plans to teach his son everything he learned.

Now back to YOU.

Do you want to take action?

Find your PRIDE and CONFIDENCE.

Work on what is holding you back
and find the confidence to ask out your "Suzie"

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