Honoring The Dead at a Wedding

Coping with Loss at a Wedding

Remembering the Dead at a Wedding
 by Frank Kermit

Sometimes, couples who marry want to do something
at the wedding in memory of the people who passed away.
 
This happens, especially when the death was recent.
 
At my wedding, my wife and I did a little ceremony at the reception
where we lit a candle and read an inscription, announcing it was
in memory of various relatives that had died, who would have
wanted to attend.  It was very short, but it did bring us come
comfort, and it was also comforting to some of the attendees
who were still in mourning.
 
We all cope with loss differently.
 
It is important for the wedding couple to also remember,
that not everyone will appreciate your efforts
to pay tribute to your lost loved ones.
 
One of the biggest mistakes I see people make,
is they try to tell someone else that how they grieve is wrong.
 
For example, this story is of a wedding I attended:

A father dies a few months before his son is set to be married.
At the wedding, a special tribute is made in honor of the late father.
The groom and his mom dance to a song that was in memory of his dad.
All the guests were invited on the dance floor to circle them.
 
Then it happened...
 
at one point, the groom and his mom started to cry a little.
It was not a hysterical cry at all, but the tears were evident.
Everyone around them formed into a circle continued to move to the music.
...except one man.
 
He started to raise his voice to tell the DJ to stop the music.
He was an uncle in the family, and felt that the song and tribute
was making them cry and that it was wrong.
So he made a fool of himself trying to stop the tribute.
 
Luckily, the DJ and the rest of the guests ignored him.
 
The uncle was not comfortable with seeing, or dealing with, grief.
He tried to "protect" everyone else from grief as well.
 
That was the worst thing he could have done, and lucky for
everyone at the wedding, the DJ was smart enough not to listen to him.
 
Make sure that you let the DJ, or other wedding professionals involved know about any potential trouble-makers, and let the wedding professionals also know exactly what your wishes are
in case a wedding guest decides to act out.
 
If you can predict who might be the kind of person to act out,
at your wedding,
it might be a good idea to let that person know ahead of time
what you are planning.

This is not about getting that person's permission.
It is more about letting that person know,
so the shock of surprise
in combination of the grief and mourning
does not motivate that person
into doing something
that will turn your wedding
from spectacular
to a spectacle.
 
-Frank Kermit

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