Dating Your Ex
By Frank Kermit
Anybody who has ever been in love, has at some point, thought about dating an ex. It is certainly easier to date an ex you have history with, than to date new people and have to face all the awkwardness that comes with having new romantic experiences with a new person for the first time. With an ex, it is “been there, done there”, and it is easier to get comfortable again really fast. As a mentor of mine used to tell me, when you break up from the warm comfortable embrace of a familiar relationship, and enter the Realm of Singledom, people find out very quickly that it is cold out there, and all those things that annoyed you about your ex, don’t seem to be as bad as you thought anymore.
We all have to be careful with that kind of thinking. It’s a trap.
It is important that we all remember that someone is an ex for a reason. There was something about the two of you that did not work. That is why you ended up as an ex.
With that said, there are times when it can work when dating an ex. Some people make the effort to work it out because they have children together, and are highly motivated to find some means of compromise. Others come to better appreciate what an ex had to offer, but only after experiencing less than pleasant dating experiences with others. For example, a partner that bored you might be someone you better appreciate after dating someone more exciting who also really ruined your life. It is unfortunate that it may require a horrible experience to make people realize how good they had it. Yet, even if your ex was the best relationship you ever had, that still does not mean you should go back and attempt to date an ex, because it still is likely not to work out.
The key to know if you should date an ex again is to be able to discern exactly what it was that broke the two of you up, and whether or not that particular issue still exists. For example, if the only reason you and your ex broke up was because one of your families disapproved of the others partner choice, then getting back together will not work out, unless the person who was unduly influence by family has changed and set boundaries with family to never let the family have any influence ever again on any major decisions involving life choices. If the thing that broke you and your ex up has not been changed or resolved, the two of you are likely to keep breaking up again.
It is OK to still love an ex; it really is. We are human, and are emotions are what they are. Just because you have proven to be romantically incompatible does not mean you automatically shut your feelings off for a person. However, how you feel about a person is simply not enough to make a long-term relationship work. It is one of the saddest lessons of self-awareness.
If you are stuck on an ex, and want to be able to move on and find new love with new people,
check out and sign up for an hour of Frank Coaching
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