Open Relationships vs Infidelity
By Frank Kermit
 
*This is an excerpt of my Ebook: FRANKTALKS VOLUME 3: MONOGAMY AND NON-MONOGAMY EDITION EBOOK

Poly Can't Cure A Cheater Addicted To Cheating
Some people believe that one of the surest ways to guarantee fidelity is to only do open relationships. The premise is that people only cheat in monogamous relationships.


Some advocates of open relationships may even claim that the monogamous relationship structure forces couples that would otherwise be happier in open relationships to lie and be unfaithful.

 
This is also based on the premise that having sex with someone that is not your primary partner is not considered cheating if your primary partner knows about it, and consents to it. I personally concur that consent of extra-marital sex negates the concept of cheating.


However, just being in open relationships does not automatically eliminate the cheating ways of a person that cheats for reasons other than dissatisfaction with monogamy.

People that cheat regardless of already having the opportunity to have sex with others outside their primary pair bonding relationship generally do so as a means of escapism.

So whether you practice:

• monogamy,
• some form of non-monogamous relationship structure,
  
• polyamory,
• or even in a committed fetish alternative relationship,
  

people who cheat because they are addicted to the perceived thrill of cheating do so for their own reasons, and not because of the relationship structure they are in;

and changing relationship structures with this kind of addict will not help.

P.S.  Do you Agree With This Article?  Disagree?  Have something to Add?

Write your thoughts in the comments below and SHARE this article to see how many of your friends think like you.​

​
10 Reasons why you need to appreciate the vibrator!

1. Vibrators can be used to spice it up and keep the monotony out of your sex life.
2. They speed up climax times
3. Professional Tool for Professional Results! Did you know vibrators were actually invented because a doctor was too tired from getting women to orgasm from manual stimulation?
4. Vibrators were actually invented to cure a condition called hysteria.
5. Can be use on both men and women
6. The more orgasms she has the more her body wants them, so use that to your advantage!
7. Vibrators can create more intense orgasms and offer the option for blended orgasms
8. Vibrators add a third without a third person being there
9. Women should be having at least 200 orgasms a year to help with heart health and many other health reasons, so vibrators allow her to have 200 orgasms much more easily.
10. Vibrators are a good alternative when her man isn’t available.

Men provide much more to a woman than a vibrator can!  

Women seek from men: companionship, love, touch, protection and more.


All things a vibrator can’t provide and that is why vibrators are not competition for men.  So embrace the vibrator, understand that it is your ally. Have fun and be safe.
​
If you need more help in area of dating and relationship, schedule a free 30 minute discovery call at www.KarlyStein.com !

​
***********

Karly Stein of www.KarlyStein.com  is your Wing Woman when it comes to dating and relationships. She is the host of Dating, Mating and Relating with Karly Stein on www.tapthemicradio.com. Author of 101 Ideas to Create Fun and Memorable Dates and the upcoming book Anatomy of a Bad Boy, How to be the Nice Guy and Still Get the Girl.

In 2012, Karly started her path into this industry by signing up to Sell Intimate Products and she quickly discovered that she loved learning everything she could about dating, relationships, intimacy and sex and then discovered a passion for teaching about it.

In 2014, She took a Passion and Intimacy Coaching Certification course and that quickly changed her path into coaching.

Karly is passionate about men stay out of the friend zone in relationships and helping women fully embrace their feminine side.

Karly Studied Communications and studio art at the University of Denver.
She currently lives in Denver, CO.
​

Secret Past! Does He Need To Know About Her Sex Tapes?
Q&A: Question and Answers

Dear Frank,

For almost 4 years I was involved with a man and we participated in BDSM.  He was my master, and I his submissive.  We had a very documented love life (he loved to record everything) especially when we played with others; more like when he let a number of others play with me.  Anyways, that was a long time ago.  I now live with my fiancé and he knows nothing about my past.  He knows that I had one major relationship but does not know anything about the group sex, the BDSM or the videos.  I ended up with most of those videos and photos I think, but not all (my Master still has a few).  Also, I was blindfolded most of the time during group play, and although my master assures me that no one was was recording anything, there were times when it happened. I live with the secret fear that my fiancé might find my box of tapes and pictures and stuff. He is way conservative and would not understand.  Can you suggest any place that I might store this so that he will come across it at home?
-Submissive Sindy

 
Dear Sindy

I knew a woman once that was in a similar situation.  She was a swinger with her ex, and had exactly the same situation with videos and pictures, afraid that her husband would find them.  She ended up giving her collection to a male friend of hers to hold on to so that she could get it back anytime she wanted, but it was not where her husband could get to it.  Ironically, life being what it is, her and and the male friend have lost touch, and now she doesn't even have access to her videos and photos. 

You have a very simple, but difficult, choice to make.

If you are certain he would not marry you if he knew your past, end the engagement immediately. If he wouldn't marry you if he knew your past, do not marry him. A Broken Engagement is Better Than A Happy Divorce!

​Also as you mentioned in your question, you were blindfolded most of the time, and thus there are chances that there are videos and photos of you out there in the hands of people you do not even know.  In fact, they might already be on the Internet as you have no control over what your ex (or others from the group activities) will do.

Bottom line is that, you cannot build a life with your new fiancé with this threat constantly hanging over you. 

 
In the meanwhile, there are storage companies available (with the note that unless they are packaged and sealed, even the people storing them could view them.   Make sure the photos and videos are labeled inconspicuously.  There is always the option of destroying the material (burning would be best as you can not guarantee where just tossing them in the trash will land them).

I would not suggest giving them to any of your friends.  Friendships come and go, and you might lose touch with them and not be able to retrieve your momenteos (just like the lady from swinger culture I mentioned earlier).

In this case, honesty really is your best policy if you want to build a solid foundation for a marriage. If this marriage could not handle honesty, it is not the marriage for you.  Also, if you desire to ever explore this fetish and lifestyle  again in the future, putting yourself in a marriage that could not allow it, would be a mistake.

-Frank Kermit


It is time to Take The Luck Out Of Love and sign up for Coaching.
 

P.S.  Do you Agree With This Article?  Disagree?  Have something to Add?

Write your thoughts in the comments below and SHARE this article to see how many of your friends think like you.​
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Burlesque is a poetic and sensual means of entertainment that typically includes striptease and comedy, generally performed in cabarets, theaters and clubs. As with music, each performance has a style, an emotion and a story of its own!

Burlesque, the title was originally founded in Europe in the early 1600’s: as a form of satire that was expressed in manuscripts. It was later picked up in theatrical works all through the 17th century until the Victorian era and then became widely popular in the 1860s to the 1940s, notably in Hollywood film between the 1930s and 1960s. 
Burlesque entertainment can be interpreted as ridicule, extravagant, sexy and daunting.

Every year, for the past twelve years, we have reinvented ourselves to offer the absolute best in burlesque because deep down inside, we believe that nothing is sexier than feeling at ease with ourselves, surrounded by like-minded people who are comfortable with their sensuality.

And while our stunning performers set the perfect example for that: self-acceptance, freedom and wild abandon, you are all invited to join our movement.

Don’t just watch Burlesque. BE Burlesque!
 

Profile of A Drag King
by Nat King Pole

A Drag King. Wow where do I start?

I'm a 55 year old lesbian and I've seen a lot of our history.

Short version, everybody knows what a Drag Queen is so simply put, a Drag King is the opposite, a woman that dresses like a man for the purposes of putting on a show. But drag kinging is way more multi layered than that.

When I was first coming out in the 80's lesbians were starting to slowly come out of the closet more and more and I remember most of us having short hair and a certain look that made it easy for us to recognize one another.

As we started to fight for our equal rights, something changed. I'd hear lesbians saying that we'd never get anywhere if we didn't try to fit in more and look more "straight".

As the desire for equal rights grew so did the sightings of what was then called "lipstick lesbians"which were women that looked more traditionally "feminine". That brought on a certain disdain for women like me, Butches.

Butches were not good for the cause and it made "other" lesbians look bad, as we tried too hard to prove to the heterosexual community that we were "just like them."

Now that pretty much everyone has evolved in the straight community as well as the gay one, we are now ready for Drag Kings. We are more relaxed and ready to just enjoy the differences and similarities in our sexualities. I am no longer a threat. Personally I've always just felt like I was very much a woman, with some masculine traits.

I think we all have a bit of both. It's a ladder and some are higher up on the ladder than others. Drag Kinging for me is strictly a performance deal but for others it was a stepping stone to transitioning.  Also we are not all gay even though many of us are.

In the beginning i thought my performance would appeal strictly to lesbians but as I embark on my 15th year of performing I've noticed that I've been attracting more and more heterosexuals to my shows.

My persona is an uneducated sexist know-it-all with a huge ego. Both sexes feel like I'm on their side in the battle of the sexes and they're both right.

I get the bad stuff men put women through, but being a lesbian I also understand how women can be in a relationship and what guys go through.


Dating A Drag King

There are many kinds of kings and we are attracted to many types of people.

Like I said, some that I know are straight and some date women or trans gender people.


Personally for me, the more feminine the better. I'm a sucker for the burlesque women and luckily our paths cross often.


I think it's easier to date someone in the artistic milieu since they understand how things work and don't get upset if you spend a lot of time performing and practicing.


For performers no matter the type of performance, it's the air we breath.


Also if you're the jealous type, don't even think about it because there will be pictures of me everywhere with my face in someone's cleavage. You'll have to trust that I am a faithful partner and that it's just all showbiz and image. At the moment i'm single so...


Well it's been nice talking to you, if you have any questions, write here in the comments below or find me through my website below!


Hope you learned something and will go out and enjoy a King Show sometime


Nat king Pole is Montreal's busiest drag King and has been for 15 years. As well as performing regularly In his hometown he's been making ladies swoon in Toronto, Quebec city, Ottawa and in Philadelphia, Boston, Provincetown Etc. He sings Live, writes his own parodies, dances and is just plain sexy. They call him the panty whisperer. His website is:  http://natkingpole.com/

​Below is a music video of Nat King Pole's work 

Below is an interview that both Frank Kermit and Nat King Pole participated in:

 The 7 Weird Words That Help Define Relationships
 By Frank Kermit
 

There are 7 certain words that catch many people off guard when it comes to relationships.


They are: Lust, Love, Sex, Dating, Commitment, Marriage, and Monogamy. At their most literal meanings, these commonly used words are very understandable. Intellectually, most people have no problem grasping their mental understanding of those words.

 
Lust can be defined as the sexual desire that someone may experience when attracted to someone. To enjoy lust even better check out Now What? Unique Ways to Cater To her Sexual ENA

 
Love can be defined as an emotional attachment someone feels for another person. To make someone full in love with you learn to master their emotional needs.

 
Sex is a physical act between people and usually refers to the act of intercourse. If you never had sex, talk to me about how to lose your virginity.

 
Dating can be understood to refer to the process of two people spending time together with a romantic intention. Check out the NEW rules of dating.

 
Commitment is an obligation that you make a promise to fulfill. There are ways to check if your relationship is commitment ready.

 
Marriage can be considered a legal status you enter to define your legal standing with another individual. Before you get married, sign up for marital coaching.

 
Monogamy is a term to describe a dynamic where you have sex with only one particular person and refuse to have sex with others.  Learn the basics of monogamy and non-monogamy.
 

The issue with these particular words is that people may directly associate a word on the above list to be the equivalent of one, or more, of the others words.
 
Even though we can define each word differently, we may make emotional connections with these particular words that cause us to substitute one word on the list for the other words.
 
For example, a person may feel that marriage is the exact same thing as monogamy. A person may feel that having sex with someone means having someone's love. A person may even feel that simply dating someone for a few casual coffee dates automatically implies a deep commitment. A person may assume that the more lusty attraction they feel for someone, the more they are in love with that person.

This is what makes these certain 7 words intriguingly weird. These words, which intellectually can be understood to be clear and separate, get muddled through multiple shades of gray on deeper emotional levels.
 
It is the realistic person that does not assume commitment when dating, until that commitment is earned and publicly stated. It is the emotionally mature lover that grasps that having sex or lust for someone is not necessarily an expression of any loving attachment beyond the attraction nor physical act. It is the millions of happily married couples in the swinger lifestyle who will attest that being married does not equate monogamy.
 
The understanding that each of these words is unique and separate from the other words is a key ingredient to the beginning stages of getting your love life in order. It is a part of the self-actualization process and achieving clarity in relationships that a person must come to terms that each word does not mean exactly the same thing as any of those other words.
 
One of the best ways to fully grasp this first step concept is to ask yourself if you can experience any one of those terms, without experiencing any other of those terms. For example, is it possible to be in a marriage that is devoid of lust, love, sex, having dated, commitment, or monogamy? The answer of course is yes.
 
There are loveless marriages, sexless marriages, arranged marriages that never involved dating, marriages of convenience where the couple are married but simply are not commitment to each other beyond some kind of materialist exchange, and there are married couples that are non-monogamous where the couple, individually or together as a couple, engage in open consensual sex with other people.
 
This is not about infidelity nor cheating, as there is neither deception nor lying, as both partners of the couple are involved and consenting in the extra-marital sex. Marriage can exist completely independently of all those other terms.
 
This is an example of the clarity that is required to properly handle your relationship mismanagement behaviors. If you want to fully figure out where you might be making incorrect word associations when it comes to your relationship expectations, go through each word and write out if the one word could exist without any of the other words in association. This exercise can be a revelation to some people, and reality shattering for others.
 
You must never assume that other people will interpret those 7 words the same way you do; that is what makes them weird. These words are some of the most commonly misunderstood words when wrangling with relationships, and at the same time these are the same words that are significantly used in correlations to define what is a relationship.
 
If you want to learn more about how to understand and master your dating and relationship skills: Learn more about self awareness and self actualization by checking out the coaching workbooks

For Men:  I'M A MAN THAT'S MY JOB WORKBOOK EBOOK

For Women: 
I'M A WOMAN, IT'S MY TIME EBOOK

Learn the Complete  The Emotional Needs Mastery System


Check out the Benefits of COACHING Video

Tantra Sex …Squirrel!
by Viktoria,
Self-Empowerment Coach & Sacred Sensuality Tantra Teacher
 
Tantra Sex …visions of entwined bodies in ecstasy.
 
Feeding upon each others energetic being. Burning passion residing, riding, acquiescing. Table for two. Please and thank, you. Perceived misconception of what is envisioned, seduced by this bright shiny object of lustful positions… squirrel!
 
 
There are a few versions of what Tantra Sex is.
 

One version in the Western world describes this dynamic “word duo” as incredible mind blowing, long lasting, firm sex. The kind of sex that is known as epic-euphoric! The ability to become multi-orgasmic. A carved-out time and space where you experience rolling waves of passionate physical pleasure, that last for hours.
 

The other version describes Tantra Sex as a spiritual oneness, sex as medicine, a healing modality, designed to transform human consciousness, to remove the veils of suffering, to become enlightened, a lifestyle path of yoga, the ability to weave light, sound, with form. Mindful awareness within a relaxed focus of your energy and physical body as one. Choosing to create conscious sacred sensual and sexual connection with yourself, another, and the universe.
 
 
Is one right and the other wrong?
 
The answer is, YES to the two versions described.
 
There is a catch. They are part of the same coin.
 
Taught individually to each person; masculine and feminine formed bodies. Each one mastering their mindful awareness, learning to weave light, sound, and form together on their own with meditation, movement of form; breath, energy, and pleasure. This in turn allows for you to make magic happen on your own first and then you are ready to jam and make different magic with another.
 
 
It’s the 21st century and we continue to be conditioned by certain models of sex; The first version of Tantra played up to entice and seduce you into the quick fix. Leaving you, feeling empty and alone, playing out “the never satisfied” loop.
 
Be inquisitive, curious, have the spirit of wonder and seek out the right Tantra for you. It must resonate with your sense of who you are and where you want to be.
 
I lean towards the entire package of Tantra as the benefits out way one side of the coin versus the other.
 
Do you want to be open to the possibilities of having your cake and eating too?
 
Break through blocks to bliss and enjoy a more ecstatic orgasmic state of being. Learn to remove blocks to your bliss. Cultivate sexual energy to expand your health, connection, and intimacy with self and other. Nourish your life force energy and consciously embody your heart and mind.
 
Experience more pleasure, presence, and passion in all areas of your life. Tap into your sexual healing energy. Release and transmute that which does not serve you. Become a more confident lover. Improve the quality of intimacy with yourself and partner. Weave the sensual, sexual and sacred into your everyday. Feel more connected to yourself, other and life itself in Techni-colour and surround sound.
 
Welcome and be celebrated on your Tantra path.
 
Viktoria of Playfulloving.com
Self-Empowerment Coach & Sacred Sensuality Tantra Teacher

Top 3 Reasons To Sleep With A Younger Man A-sap
Guest Post by Anna Jorgensen, Wingmam

An Older Woman Should Sleep With A Younger Man
—Here’s Why


Even after I managed to find a man who wanted to marry me with all my self-perceived physical—and real personality—flaws, I wasn’t yet over self-esteem so low you’d step on it.


Every woman has an area they feel “less than” about, whether it’s body image, financial status, smarts or sex appeal, we’ve all got something we wish was “better” about us.


It’s still commonly accepted for an older man to sleep with (or be with) a younger woman, but for an older woman to sleep with a younger man, well, there’s still a few hushed words heard over that role reversal.


My husband was 16 years older than me and a good man. He adored me. But…


In my case, I was so insecure--


How insecure?--


I was sooo insecure… I took the CD covers out of their cases if they contained a sexy woman’s image.


Celine Dion? Bye. Shania Twain? So gone!


I was sooo insecure that even after a dozen years with my husband I still felt uncomfortable getting undressed in front of him.


And even though my husband was, and still is, a good man, he couldn’t (and didn’t try) to “fix me.” I had to do that part. Ultimately, that part didn’t happen until after we divorced.


The next guy I met was 11 years younger than me and the model of fitness and hotness and, having let myself slide in the hot bod department during my marriage, I didn’t feel sexy at all.


For whatever reason, he desired me anyway.


At first I tried to think of all the reasons to sleep with a younger man, like if I could rationalize it to myself I’d somehow build confidence overnight.


But then I thought, “This was my do (him) or die” moment.


I was at the climax (pun) of my own movie where I could step up and become the heroine—or slink back to the rest of my life feeling like a loser.


I said, “F’ it!” and went for it. Him.


I acted “as if” I was secure and hot and worthy and sexy AF.


I got naked in the middle of the day in broad daylight.


I didn’t body shame myself or restrict my movements to hide my flaws.


I didn’t ask for validation and I didn’t make apologies.


And doing this was one of the first and biggest steps I took to conquering low self-esteem.


Now, I’m Wonder Woman, at least in my own mind, no longer wondering if I’m good enough but instead courageous and empowered—plus there’s the whole cape accessory!


So, if you’ve ever wondered why an older woman should sleep with a younger man…


Top 3 Reasons An Older Woman Should Sleep With A Younger Man A-sap

1.     Virility. Bam! As in: bam, bam, thank you ma’am.
2.     Boosts naked-self esteem.
3.     Teach a young dog some new tricks.

If you feel so inclined, just do it (him)!


Anna Jorgensen is a dating coach for men in Vancouver, Canada and founder of www.Wingmam.com. She offers online programs (for men and women) on how to understand the opposite sex, get sexy and find love.

Over 30 Years of BDSM Kink Experience
by Sadistfaction

I remember taking psychology in CEGEP in1979, and at that time the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders was on its 2nd revision (DSM-II.) I was quite alarmed to read that I apparently had many sexual disorders; some of the types of sexual deviations listed in the DSM-II  were: sexual orientation disturbance (homosexuality), fetishism, transvestitism (sic), exhibitionism, voyeurism, sadism, masochism, and "other sexual deviations". Certainly not something you want to read at 18 back then.
 
Today Kink is no longer a four-letter word (well it is, but you get what I mean). Over the last 30+ years I have been educating those individuals who are interested in BDSM, spoken to the media, and set up a website. On it I currently offer non-sexual spankings for sexual arousal or for those who seek discipline or want a good healthy adrenaline rush that uses your bodies endorphin. (A much better alternative to drugs to relieve stress in my opinion).
 
For my first article, I thought I would give some information I am commonly asked about.:
 
 
Basics of BDSM terminology: Top and Bottom

There are lots of discussions between the different terms. Someone who is a Top does not necessarily mean they are dominant or alpha in every day life. A Bottom is the one receiving the pleasure and the Top giving. Like a massage of sorts.

 
What makes a good Bottom?

Be on time. Making someone sit and wait for you really shows a lack of respect. You can easily text as soon as you are aware your not going to be on time. Make sure you are squeaky clean in front and in back. Nothing more offensive than foul smells. Offer to help clean up after, thank them for putting in the effort and ensuring your safety. It takes a lot of time to prepare and to setup a scene. Be honest about your prior experiences and fantasies. You should meet the person before hand and give them your personal information so they can setup a safe call. Ask for references (I always offer to provide references).
 

What makes a good Top?

If you are a Top, you are the one setting up the scene and its only going to be as good as the effort you put into it. As a Top, I usually go over the basic scene in my head and meditate for 30 minutes prior. You should be well informed about your kink. Don't make someone your guinea pig unless it’s discussed first. You do not want to injure someone by trying something you have no experience in just for the sake of playing. If you’re a novice top be honest about your experience. CPR training is certainly a bonus. Our community centre offers a course once a year. Have a general first aid kit on hand and always keep your toys clean.
 
 
Review of 50 Shades of Gray
 
Most people in the lifestyle will tell you that 50 shades is a poorly written book about an abuser who has little or no concern about his partners pleasure or well being. In our lifestyle there is a huge paradox in BDSM which most people don't understand as it is the submissive that has all the
control. Like yin and yan both are equally as important. Because the submissive can use a safe word that means “no” or stop. Thus giving them control over the scene. Also the submissive is the one getting all the attention. Fifty shades may have made the lifestyle more acceptable and mainstream to the public but it promotes domestic violence,  and has nothing to do with BDSM
 

What to expect at your first play party

Of course it’s normal to be nervous, especially if you are going alone. However, you will find people to be extremely friendly and there is never any pressure to play. The respect and energy between play partners will surprise you. Most of us are exhibitionists so there is nothing like a voyeur watching our play or just sitting in a non-play area listening to conversations. There are private rooms for those that don't want to be watched and or wish to have sex (oral is most common, intercourse is rare) and the door will be closed. If it is open it is OK to come in and watch. There is also a No-Play Room for those socially awkward or if some one wants to have some quiet time or to talk in private.

 
How to get invited to a play party

Most of the play parties are held in someone’s home. When someone comes to my private play party they must be vetted first. Usually vetting is done at a previous get together. Also someone who is already vetted can refer someone. An example of a previous get together is a “munch”. A munch is a gathering at a local restaurant. Anyone can attend of course. Sometimes there are play parties at clubs downtown and everyone is welcome.

 
Do and Don’t List for first time playing

When playing with someone for the first time, never use a gag so you can always communicate, I always remain clothed and focus all of my attention on doing a perfect “introductory” scene, if they are into bondage I tie them up and then release them before tying them up again. This establishes trust. Aftercare is always important after every scene so never leave it out. (Learn more about Aftercare in a future article). And of course it’s amazing to hug or cuddle someone afterwards while discussing the scene that just happened.

 
Dungeon Rules and Etiquette

No drugs. No video or photography without asking the persons consent first. Ask if it is ok to watch or participate. Don't assume because someone is tied up that you can walk over and touch the person. Don't talk about the weather while people are playing.  Put a towel under your play. Cover toys with condoms and wash them before and after. Ask whomever runs the Dungeon if a particular fetish of yours is permitted before you attempt it. If you bring food, label the ingredients as many people have allergies.

 
Meeting New Play Partners
 
When I meet potential play partners it is my pleasure to meet for a non-pressure coffee to discuss your interests.   I recommend most people do the same. Don't pressure someone after the meet to come to your place to play. They will be much too nervous to enjoy.  Once the person is at home and in a comfort zone, they can think about what you discussed and then decide if getting more intimate is for them.  Always do a scene negotiation before you play.
 
 

SadistFaction  started his website in 2001. He owns a dungeon space (with several play stations and lots of toys) that he rents to couples or for private play parties.  He is open to meeting people who are interested in learning about the lifestyle. He has spoken about BDSM and kink in the media. He was a consultant for the Television program KINK season 2 filmed in Montreal, has been on the Dr. Laurie show Passion, interviewed by the by the Journal de Montreal (the above photo is from that), http://vice.com,  and volunteers at the Everything To Do About Sex Show dungeon booth. Currently he does Spanking and Wax Play Workshops for the local community and is the Dungeon Master at many events.  He can be found on Fetlife  (user name: SadistFaction) or his website ATTITUDES.CA