Break the Cycle of Unhealthy Relationship Patterns

This is a contributed post.

Some people seem to have all the bad luck with relationships. The same terrible things seem to happen again and again, and they end in the same ways. For some, it really is just a run of bad luck. But what if it's not just a coincidence that things keep going wrong? If you keep repeating the same patterns, perhaps it's time to take a harder look. You need to examine the people you choose, and the reasons they choose you. You should consider the ways you behave when you're in a relationship. Think about the patterns of behavior that you and your partners always seem to get into. These can be the best ways to break the cycle of bad relationships and change things once and for all.

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Examine the People You Choose

Have you found that you keep ending up with the same types of people, who do the same things wrong? Each time you start a new relationship, you think "this one is different". They seem kind, fun and interesting, and they seem to care about you. But inevitably, the relationship creeps into arguing, manipulation, cheating or something else. A lot of people come out of these relationships thinking "what's wrong with me?". But that's not exactly the best way to approach it. Don't convince yourself that there's something fundamentally wrong with you. You're not incapable of choosing a good partner.

You need to consider how you pick your romantic partners. Where do you find them, and what attracts you to them?  As well as thinking about that, you should also consider what they find attractive about you. For example, when you meet someone you like, do you immediately feel attached to them? Do you feel like you already have strong feelings for them and want to jump with both feet into a relationship? Not only could this be a mistake on your part, but it could signal that you're easily taken advantage of. Everyone who wants to break out of unhealthy relationship patterns needs to look at how and why they choose their partners. If you're unsure where to start, ask a trusted friend. You can even see a therapist for their honest opinion of where you're going wrong. Sites like allwomenstalk.com can help you recognize the signs of an unhealthy relationship.

Look at Your Own Behaviors

It's important to look out how you behave, both when looking for a relationship and when you're in one. What could you be doing that leads to the same patterns and events occurring every time? Many people find that they are sabotaging their relationships without realizing it. Unfortunately, it can take a long time to work out where you're going wrong. Some people take years or never manage to realize what they're doing. There could be many things you're doing wrong. Are you too quick to start fights, reluctant to open up, or too easily jealous? You don't have to change your personality, but you may need to rethink some of your behaviors.

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Work on Yourself

Before you can be in a healthy relationship, you need to know yourself. You can find advice about caring for yourself before getting back with your ex on Charice's blog ExBackExpertise.com. Whether you want to get back with someone you love or begin a new relationship, you need to be comfortable with yourself first. Sometimes, the best thing to do is to single for a while. If you think you're a serial monogamist, it could be time for a break. Try setting a time-frame for not having a romantic relationship. Give yourself six months to be on your own, but don't think about it as being lonely. Use the time to spend time with your friends, as well as spend time on your own. Do things for yourself and work out who you are. Some people find that they pick up the likes and dislikes of their partners. But when they're on their own, they're not sure who they really are.

Work Out What You Want and Where to Find It

It's important to know what you want from a relationship and how to get it. Choosing the right partners and working out if you're right for each other is important. You need to consider how you want your relationship to make you feel. The practical things are also important, such as marriage and children. However, what do you see your partner doing by your side? Making you laugh, traveling with you, or providing a companion through tough times? When you know what you want, knowing where to look is important too. If you're looking for a serious relationship, Tinder might not by the place to find it.

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Adjust Your Expectations

Sometimes you might experience the same relationship patterns because your expectations are too high. You can't enter into a relationship thinking that it's going to be perfect or won't require any work. Perhaps you bail at the first sign of an argument. Or you feel disappointed that your partner doesn't seem to be as madly in love as you. Adjusting your expectations is important, and ties into what you're looking for. Many people fall into bad relationships because what they're looking for is love. They don't care enough about who the love comes from. Perhaps they're also looking for marriage. But neither love or marriage are people. They are what happens when you find the right person. You need to think of them as byproducts, not goals.

Improve Your Communication

Communication can be the downfall of many relationships. Sometimes the problem is that you have different communication styles. Maybe you need time to think about something before discussing it. Meanwhile, your partner wants to hash it out on the spot. Perhaps you prefer to show you care through words, while they do it through actions. Being able to communicate effectively with your partner is essential. Of course, communication is a two-way street, so they need to meet you in the middle. Go into your next relationship with a willingness to communicate more openly and with more patience.

If you want to break a cycle of bad relationships, you need to examine yourself. The choices you make affect the outcome of your relationship.