Has your relationship lost it's spark? Read some advice in this contributed post which can help you with your relationship.
Relationships are tough. When things aren’t going well, many people feel that it is easier to throw in the towel rather than fight for what they have. If you are currently struggling with your partner, we are going to talk you through a few pieces of advice which could help you in your quest to save your relationship.
Of course, there are no quick fixes, and this advice isn’t here to suggest that you are going to be able to simply paper over the cracks. So, let’s run through a few pieces of advice which will hopefully come in useful to you.
Relight Your Spark
While a lot of people would think that yelling and arguing all the time would be the central cause of relationship breakdown, many of the main problems that exist in relationships come back to boredom and disinterest. When you get caught up in the day-to-day whirlwind of routine, you may forget the fact that a simple conversation with your partner and bring you closer together once again. In long-term relationships, talking often revolves around mundane or uninteresting topics rather than the type of personal closure that helps you really get to know another person.
So, try to set aside some time that you can spend with one another so that you can relight the spark in your relationship. Ask questions that go beyond the routine and try to get to know the person that you are sharing your life with in a more intimate way all over again.
Break Up the Usual Relational Patterns
There are plenty of potentially destructive patterns which can develop in a relationship which you need to be very wary of. For example, if you always enter a disagreement attempting to ‘win’ the argument rather than constructively repair the situation, this is something which you need to overcome in any way that you can. Often, these fights have predictable triggers, so you should try to stop a disagreement by discussing it calmly rather than letting it escalate into a full-blown fight. Try to substitute out any inflammatory words so that it doesn’t seem like you are launching a personal attack on your partner. Finally, you need to get a handle on your negative emotions so that you can regain your own sense of self-control.
Rediscover Your Sense of Touch
Simply touching your partner - particularly in times of high stress - is a direct way of showing compassion and feeling towards them. As well as this, it also helps to increase your sense of connection and closeness. The most destructive forms of interaction in a relationship include both defensive and offensive behaviours, but touch has been shown to help you re-establish the connection that you had temporarily lost. And the touch in question can be something as simple as a hand on the forearm.
Acknowledge Your Differences
There is no doubt that this is one of the most challenging parts of being in a relationship. Learning to acknowledge your differences without blaming each other in an argumentative way will stand you in good stead throughout the duration of your relationship. Talk about your differences in a calm way and don’t always try to force the other person to come round to your point of view. Discuss the ways that you react and respond differently when you are put in certain situations. However, you need to avoid doing this in a critical manner. Essentially, the better you know your partner, the more you will be able to understand their behaviour and their individual outlook on life.
Increase Your Commitment
Increasing the commitment that you have towards your partner can come in numerous different ways. Of course, you could stage a ceremony or renew the vows that you have already taken - even getting some wedding rings to symbolise this. There are also certain behaviours which diminish your sense of commitment in a relationship which you could look to cut out. For example, constant criticism has been found to diminish commitment in a relationship. Conversely, demonstrating some forgiveness will help to stop you chipping away at the sense of satisfaction that you helped to build in your relationship in the first place. Rather than personalising about things that go wrong in life and blaming your partner for all of them, you are much better off generalising about them.
Show Some Gratitude
Something as seemingly simple as expressing gratitude towards your partner can really help to increase your sense of closeness once again. Obviously, a partner who feels like they are appreciated is much more likely to be loving and supportive in the future. However, if either one of you feels like you are constantly doing things for the other person but getting nothing back in return, this can be potentially toxic in a relationship.
As we mentioned at the start, repairing a relationship and solidifying your commitment to one another is never going to be straightforward, but these are just a few of the tips which you can follow to help. Start by relighting the spark which attracted you to one another in the first place. Try out some different activities together and try to have some deeper conversations which go beyond the mundane and ordinary. If you have identified some toxic patterns which occur in your relationship, now is the time to replace them with more positive responses. It may have been a long time since you have actually touched one another, so try to do so in a way that is both loving and caring. Try to acknowledge the differences that you both have rather than constantly trying to ‘fix’ the other person or bring them round to your point of view. Increase the sense of commitment that you have towards one another, and you could even mark this with a ceremony. Finally, express your gratitude towards the other person and try to do something nice for them yourself.
Dr. Laurie Betito Quotes