By Frank Kermit MA
April 26, 2016
Attention does not equal love.
Attention does mean you get noticed more, however, even if the entire room notices you, that still does not guarantee that you will earn love that way. In fact, depending on how you attempt to acquire that attention could get you the kind of attention where everyone wants to know about you, but no one wants to get to know you personally.
One of the issues I see in my coaching practice is trying to explain to some people that their attention seeking behaviors are hampering their initiatives to find love. For example, when writing an online dating profile, trying to be too general so that you potentially attract the maximum amount of attention may get you more first dates, but will cause you to end up more alone in the long term. When writing an online profile to be more specific to your realistic (not fantasy ideal) needs, you will likely attract less attention, but of the attention it does attract, it creates the best possible odds to find a legitimate connection. Trying to get lots of attention from everyone, means you are potentially going to get less attention from the very individuals that could be your greatest loves.
Attention is not a bad thing. Attention can be a great thing if it is the kind of attention that supports you, encourages you, empowers you, and brings you up. Good attention can do those things, such as bringing attention to a great work you have done, or a strong endeavor that you are behind that is trying to get off the ground, or even getting attention as a means of appreciation for your good deeds.
Attention can also be a means of self-sabotage, when a person seeks attention so desperately, they are willing to settle for bad attention instead of no attention. For example, the teenager who is neglected at home and not getting enough good forms of attention to the point of feeling ignored (no attention) may start acting out in destructive ways to get bad attention (attention to misdeeds).
It can be important to take a moment and ask yourself about what type of attention you are currently seeking? Are you seeking good attention that will attract the kinds of people in your life to move you forward? Are you seeking bad attention, just for the sake of getting any attention, regardless of the consequences? Are you trying to keep yourself hidden away so that you are able to avoid attention, and reject any of the attention that you may get through happenstance? Are you trying to get all the attention possible and hoping that by increasing the amount of attention you get, you also increase your chances of getting something at all?
Put your focus, not on getting all the attention you can in general, but rather, on getting the particular attention of those individuals that make all the work you put into attention getting worth it.
FRANK KERMIT MA
EXPERT RELATIONSHIP COACH
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