Tips for Your Dating Criteria Checklist
by Frank Kermit
When coaching someone that wants to STOP BEING SINGLE, it is important to examine that person's dating criteria. Sometimes, the reason that someone is forever stuck being single is the criteria itself.
Here are some tips to make sure that your criteria is not holding you back:
1-Criteria that is Firm
If you are firm in your criteria that you will not waiver on, then right or wrong, you should be explicit in expressing your criteria.
This means if you are online dating, make sure your criteria is in your online dating profile.
If you are discussing setting up a first date, express your criteria before you actually meet, so that you do not waste your time, or the time of the other person.
Note: You will always have to screen and filter when dating. Even if you make your criteria clear, it does not always stop people from wanting you to give them a chance.
2-Is the Criteria Relevant?
Next would be to explore if your criteria is actually relevant.
Is it a matter of initial attraction? Lust?
Is it relevant to a long term life plan?
To help you figure out if your criteria is actually relevant; ask the question:
Under what circumstances would that criteria not be important (if any)?
If the criteria would not matter under a number of circumstances, then it is not a relevant criteria.
3-Is the Criteria Counter-Productive?
Would her having such criteria turn off your potential target audience? Some people will be offended to your "fetish".
For example, the members of the amputee community want relationships like any other people, but some resent being with a partner that has an amputee fetish.
Would your criteria potentially turn off the very people that embody that criteria? Then you need to be ready to face a little more rejection in the process of dating until you find someone that appreciates your interests.
4-Is the Criteria Hypocritical?
Do you get resentful if you get rejected when someone uses the same kind of criteria against you?
If so, you need to rethink your criteria, because being a hypocrite can get in the way of your finding love when dating.
For example, if you reject someone because they make less money than you, would you be upset if someone rejects you because you make less money than them?
If you reject someone for their body type, would you be upset if someone rejected you because of your body type?
If so, the best way to attract more open minded folks is to be more open minded. (You would be amazed how offended some people get in coaching when confronted about their hypocrisy)
5-Is the Criteria Reciprocal?
Just because you have an ideal partner in mind, that does not mean that the person you seek, is seeking you.
One of the hardest questions a coaching client must face, is if you are "worthy" of the affection of the person you are seeking.
So, ask yourself if your ideal partner would be attracted to you. If the answer is "No", then it may be time to re-evaluate your goals in the next coaching session.
6-Is Your Criteria Demographic Realistic?
Based, on your collective criteria, is there enough of a demographic for you to actually find someone to be with?
When you put all your criteria together, does the composite person you are seeking even exist? Is there a large enough pool of candidates for you to date from? If not, get real. Get very real, very fast, or the only thing that you will guarantee is that you will continue to be single.
Lets use a fun example:
Let's say you have the criteria that you will ONLY date:
-a working architect
-currently living in your small town (you refuse to move and you refuse to engage in a long distance relationship)
and then we do analysis of that demographic and find out:
-there are only 3 architects in your small town,
-one is retired (so not currently working)
-one is married (not available)
-one is of a sexual orientation that would not be attracted to you
then your criteria for what is out there would not be realistic, and we can predict that you will continue to be single
7-Is Your Criteria Just An Excuse?
And finally is this criteria actually a means to make it impossible for you to find someone?
Some people have fears of intimacy that mask themselves as ridiculous criteria.
Could this be your case here?
It is easier to be thought of as "too picky" instead of "incapable of a relationship."
When your criteria list is more vast than your list of skills that represent your ability to attract a partner, that is often a sign of some kind of fear of intimacy.
It could be a fear of emotional intimacy, being vulnerable, a fear of physical sex, or even the fear of the responsibility that comes with getting romantically involved with others.
If you are using your criteria as a means to keep people away, then definitely sign up for an hour of Coaching to see what Frank can do for you.
Dr. Laurie Betito Quotes