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The Friends-With-Benefits Quiz, Question # 1
The Friends-With-Benefits Quiz Question # 1
by Frank Kermit
Let me start by saying that this information about how to manage a Friends-With-Benefits is an excerpt of my coaching workbooks for women and for men.
by Frank Kermit
Let me start by saying that this information about how to manage a Friends-With-Benefits is an excerpt of my coaching workbooks for women and for men.
The FrankTalks.com Coaching Workbook for Men
One of the principles I teach in my coaching workbooks for men and women, "I'm A Man, That's My Job" and "I'm a Woman, It's My Time" respectively is that you have to learn how to manage even a friends-with-benefits relationship as part of learning to manage any and all successful relationship.
The FrankTalks.com Coaching Workbook for Men
Sometimes people might want to answer "A. As Often as Possible" because they figure that it is like getting "free" sex and they should take as much as they can. That does seem reasonable.
Sometimes people might want to answer "B. 2-3 Times a Week" because they figure, it is just like dating someone anyways and they want to enjoy themselves with their lover and it gives them time to see their friends-with-benefits lover AND still have time to go out, do their errands, and have time to themselves. That does seem reasonable too.
Sometimes people might want to answer "C. Every Weekend" because they figure the person is just a friends-with-benefits and they have busy lives, but that they should be willing to commit to meeting every weekend so that neither one has to date anyone else so they can have guaranteed sex, and a guaranteed plan for the weekend, and no one ends up lonely. That does seem reasonable as well.
Sometime people might want to answer "D. Once a Week, Or Less" because they figure that a friends-with-benefits is not a serious commitment sex partner, and that they want to enjoy the benefits, but still keep a proper emotional distance.
These are ALL REASONABLE INTERPRETATIONS.
But there is only ONE RIGHT ANSWER
Do you SUCK at Romance, and want to learn Romance-Made-Easy?
There are many levels of Commitment in The Hierarchy of Sex, Dating and Relationships.
Friends with Benefits is a STAGE 2 Level of involvement and it has various rules to make sure that you don't hurt someone unintentionally, that someone does not hurt you, and how you can manage being friends-with-benefits in a way that would allow everyone to stay on good terms even after it ends.
The Answer is D. Once a Week, Or Less
A proper FWB relationship means you only see each other once a week. Twice a week on occasion if you plan a special getaway.
One of the biggest mistakes that partners make in FWB is that they try to see each other as often as they can in a short time period. All this will do is confuse the issue.
Seeing each other more than once a week is acting like more serious relationship than it is, and can nurture romantic feelings to develop.
If you act like you are more than just a FWB, you can expect one or both partners to start feeling, wanting or expecting more from each other
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What You Hate Most About Dating
What You Hate Most About Dating, And What You Can Do About It
by Frank Kermit
In anticipation of appearing on the radio program Passion with Dr. Laurie Betito for the monthly feature Dating Dilemmas, I posted a question on Social Media, asking:
by Frank Kermit
In anticipation of appearing on the radio program Passion with Dr. Laurie Betito for the monthly feature Dating Dilemmas, I posted a question on Social Media, asking:
WHAT DO YOU HATE MOST ABOUT DATING?
The results were very interesting.
Some complaints were very common and came up often.
Other people brought up some unique points of interest, that made for great discussion.
So, we took some of those suggestions and talked about it on air during the radio show.
Unfortunately, there was not enough time to cover ALL the complaints that came up,
So, here is the youtube video of the entire radio show for you all to check out:
And just because the complaints were so amazing, I posted a number of them here:
Playing hard to get, taking time to respond, hot & cold thinking it'll make the guy more interested.
-R.
People who feign interest in another person with no intention of following through to boost their own ego. example: When a woman tells a man she wants to see his new place. Then the man tries to set up a time to make that happen and the woman suddenly stops responding or says she was just kidding.
-J
Being In Love with a Female Friend, that will not give me a chance after knowing me for years. I ask her out and she says that she does not want to ruin the friendship. Like, we are going to have a friendship after she rejects me!
-Friendzoned
I give too much to other people, and all I get is taken advantage of. Does anyone even want to get into a relationship anymore?
-People-Pleaser
A long time friend will reject you for a date, unless you approach her in this way!
Learning What To Say on a First Date is 50% of Learning To Enjoy Dating!
It's tilted in favour of women.
-Male
I've always felt dating favoured men or was easier for men.
-Female
Mostly they like you and you don't like them. Or vice versa
-T
People who don't seem to know what they want or can't express it.
-L
In person: Flakes. Getting them to actually meet up. Having a connection when you meet and then never want to meet up. Playing games or misleading you.
-A
Online wise: catfish, old pictures or angled shots that don't truly represent what they look like, girls who judge based on attributes you can't change when your honest. Girls who expect you to be their sugar daddy and support them and their 20 kids you had no part in creating
-A
It's the finding someone you want to date that I find annoying. At my age, late 40's, I find it obviously a lot harder to meet people than when I was in my 30's.
-M
Learn The New Rules of Dating, To ENJOY the Dating Process!
The Secret To Breaking Up and Staying on Good Terms
I miss the old fashioned dating...where you get to know each other face to face and have communication and not the texting kind . Where you go on a date and if it goes well you go on another. Now a days it's just so complicated and impersonal and they want to do everything backwards.
-S
When married men say they are divorced and after your first date it's we are separated but still live in the same house ...just waiting for the house to sell
-M
Date went well, until he told me about his girlfriend 😒 ... why accept the date if you've got a girlfriend? Yes he said it was an open relationship. Maybe theirs is, but I'm not. Monogamy is the only way for me.
-K
approach anxiety, when women pressure for monogamy, when erectile dysfunction happens
-T
Finding out the guy lied or has another girlfriend
-M
A Guide to Managing Monogamy and Non-Monogamy
Learn the Basics of Being Romantic for your Next Date
Girls who expect the guy to always pay for everything.
-J
The phrase, "shall we split this?"
-P
I had a guy asked me to go on a date to a nice restaurant then he actually said he doesn't have money to pay for the dinner when we about to left, so I spent quite a lot that time. Then he dare to asked for another trip to cinema after I just paid for everything. I don't mean that man should pay for things but he was being rude and asked me to pay for him on a first date. He also ordered an expensive meal.
-W
-J
The phrase, "shall we split this?"
-P
I had a guy asked me to go on a date to a nice restaurant then he actually said he doesn't have money to pay for the dinner when we about to left, so I spent quite a lot that time. Then he dare to asked for another trip to cinema after I just paid for everything. I don't mean that man should pay for things but he was being rude and asked me to pay for him on a first date. He also ordered an expensive meal.
-W
When you date someone, treat them like a queen, respect etc but they eventually choose the bad boy type that treats them like garbage all the while telling you how wonderful you are. Apparently respect and kindness is not exciting anymore
-N
This was my complaint before I met my perfect match: Getting punished for treating women well, getting rewarded for doing the opposite, and the damage it did to my personality until I realized it, and until I got lucky enough to meet someone who isn't like that.
-T
How To Get Her to Date You Instead of the Bad Boy and Find out if she is actually worth it.
The Secrets Of Mastering Speed Dating in Record Time
The amount of time and effort needed in order to find someone who is worth the time. Going on a first date is awful. I prefer job interviews. Then there's the waiting game... who calls whom? When? The expectation of physical intimacy on date 3 even though you may only have a total of 9 hours spent together. The head games... "I had a great time- let's do this again" and never calls.
-A
Having to tell some stranger your life story...again.
-I
Manipulation (push/pull and other coercive tactics), games, girls who play games, the immaturity, deception, feeding egos, dysfunctions, agendas/ulterior motives, affairs, lack of ethics, principles, morals, integrity, respect, the need to have things happen quickly, etc. It's a social construct that existed ever since the sexual revolution...It's done more harm than good by corrupting those involved...the generation of our grandparents did things right. Media has sold the false notion of propaganda through bad boy/girl images, fantasies, etc. The general public bought into it. Real life is completely different. Reality can make or break things or people.
-L
How to expand on the stories of your life, without lying, and presenting yourself in the best possible way for attraction
How To Get More Social with Friends and Dating, and Network in Friendly Ways
trying to start dating again at the age of 50
-J
Finding a babysitter. I've had a guy get angry because I couldn't have my son watched
-M
I hate having to shower three times a day.
-C
I hate that dating feels alienating. Like I'm never good enough. Not attractive enough or successful enough. Like I have to be a perfect specimen.
-J
The implied notion that a woman is considered a 'slut' if she goes to bed with a man too early (even though many men deny that they think that way).
-T
Getting your hopes up before a date, thinking they may actually have potential and then being disappointed.
-T
My wife finding out
-F
How You Can Be HONEST and STILL have a Great Love Life!
Understand Women on an Emotional Level
Hate Most? Actually trying to GET THAT 1ST DATE! I'm a Tv & Movie Extra at 57, with a long beard and long hair. Most women won't even talk to me unless I shave. If I do, then they will consent to give me a date. but I will have to FORGET ABOUT GETTING A JOB! I'm still the SAME person, aren't I?
-J
What I always hated about dating were expectations on either (or both) sides. There is no need to "get" anywhere. There is only being nice to each other. (IMHO)
-F
It's much like job hunting. Tell to much to soon and you risk scaring them away.
-N
You are judged by your looks and your material possessions.
-R
dating is too serious and i find that people lack a sense of humour and adventure
-D
Understand Men on an Emotional Level
P.S. Do you Agree With This Article? Disagree? Have something to Add?
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What is CookandDate?
What is CookandDate?
by Cristina Mucciardi
CookandDate is one of, if not the best way to meet likeminded singles today…
Of course I’m bias as to why CookandDate is such a great way to meet potential mates because I am the founder, however time and time again we get so much positive feedback that we can’t think otherwise.
The concept is simple, get a group of singles together (average 16) in a private kitchen, with a preset menu and have them mingle and cook together before enjoying the wonderful meal.
We advertise 10-15 year age categories so that people can choose an appropriate age group based on whom they are looking to meet …
Events are typically 3-4 hours long…I or another host/hostess is always present to help with the flow of the evening.
It feels like we invited you to a dinner party amongst friends, smiles & laughter a must.
After the activity if there are any interests, you can either exchange contact info at the event, or wait for us to send our thank you email with usernames from the site, you can then msg people through the chat function.
People like this option because it’s a little less intrusive and then can plan a date without exchanging any personal info before they are really sure.
We host about 40 events every year in Montreal!
Cristina Mucciardi wrote the introduction to What To Say 101 Conversations for a First Date - a FrankTalks.com book
CookandDate, offers weekly culinary and cocktail events for singles. The evening's format has guests interact by cooking several courses and a sit-down meal. Chefs cover various cuisines, including French, Italian, Mediterranean, Indian, Kenyan and Caribbean. CookandDate recently launched events in Toronto and New York City as well as an expansion across Canada and the United States.
What is CookandDate?
Cristina Mucciardi is a 30 something year old entrepreneur that always had the dream of starting her own business. In the past she has tried importing clothing lines from Europe, starting a chain of tanning salons and investing in a small beauty company out of Ohio.
At one point, she stumbled upon a chef in France that had his own cooking school where once a month he would give cooking classes as a singles event, and she thought, “WOW she would do that!!! What an unintimidating way to meet other singles without feeling desperate or spending time in the “bar scene” which never seemed to work out right…”
She launched her site www.cookanddate.com in Jan 2008. The service has now expanded to include personalized matchmaking, appearance and etiquette coaching to name a few. CookandDate has appeared in the media including On television: Entertainment Tonight Canada, CTV, Global Television, TVA, Radio-Canada, CJNT, In print: The Gazette, La Presse, Clin D'Oeil, Summum Girl, On the radio: The Score Toronto, Virgin Radio 96, CKOI, Q92, CHOM, CJAD, On websites/blogs: MSN, About.com, FranceTop, Canoe, SingleEdition, Watchmojo, Sweetspot.ca
Cristina is getting married MAY 2107 to a great man and more importantly her best friend…
Contact for more information or to schedule an interview about CookandDate:
Cristina Mucciardi 1-888-702-2633 / 514-664-5991
cristina@cookanddate.com
CookandDate Founder & Project Coordinator
www.cookanddate.com
At one point, she stumbled upon a chef in France that had his own cooking school where once a month he would give cooking classes as a singles event, and she thought, “WOW she would do that!!! What an unintimidating way to meet other singles without feeling desperate or spending time in the “bar scene” which never seemed to work out right…”
She launched her site www.cookanddate.com in Jan 2008. The service has now expanded to include personalized matchmaking, appearance and etiquette coaching to name a few. CookandDate has appeared in the media including On television: Entertainment Tonight Canada, CTV, Global Television, TVA, Radio-Canada, CJNT, In print: The Gazette, La Presse, Clin D'Oeil, Summum Girl, On the radio: The Score Toronto, Virgin Radio 96, CKOI, Q92, CHOM, CJAD, On websites/blogs: MSN, About.com, FranceTop, Canoe, SingleEdition, Watchmojo, Sweetspot.ca
Cristina is getting married MAY 2107 to a great man and more importantly her best friend…
Contact for more information or to schedule an interview about CookandDate:
Cristina Mucciardi 1-888-702-2633 / 514-664-5991
cristina@cookanddate.com
CookandDate Founder & Project Coordinator
www.cookanddate.com
- Published on
You Don't Have Time for Toxic People in Your Life
You Do Not Have Time For Toxic People
By Frank Kermit
When I lecture, coach or regularly talk on the radio about Toxic people,
I usually define Toxic people as lacking the capacity to reason, or people who have the capacity to reason but just do not want to reason with you.
I often advise that the best way to deal with a toxic person is not to deal with that person at all.
FrankTalks.com Coaching Workbook For Men
One of the principles I teach in my coaching workbooks for men and women, "I'm A Man, That's My Job" and "I'm a Woman, It's My Time" respectively is that you have to learn to deal with toxic people as part of learning to manage any successful relationship.
FrankTalks.com Coaching Workbook for Women
However, sometimes a “toxic” person may not be typically toxic at all.
In fact the person could be a very caring friend of yours that simply is giving you bad advice or encouraging you in ways that are not in your best long-term interest.
In the same way that Arizona law allows people to move forward by sealing past mistakes under ARS 13-911, it’s important to recognize when something that seems helpful may actually be holding you back.
One of the Rules of Dating. Discover the other Rules of Dating here
A “toxic” person could also be someone that you love, who genuinely loves you back, but isn’t ready or interested in moving forward with you for any number of reasons.
Sometimes a toxic person is someone you are very close to, and can even count on, but who also brings out your worst attributes.
If you are single and interested in finding a serious relationship, it is very important that you keep toxic people (and those who are not toxic per se, but have a negative impact on your love life) as far away from you as possible.
Sometimes a toxic person is someone you are very close to, and can even count on, but who also brings out your worst attributes.
If you are single and interested in finding a serious relationship, it is very important that you keep toxic people (and those who are not toxic per se, but have a negative impact on your love life) as far away from you as possible.
Here are some examples
If you happen to be overly critical of yourself to the point that you continually put yourself down, or discourage yourself from trying new things, and there is someone around you that fuels these behaviors, that person may be toxic to you.
Even if the person pushes you in discouraging yourself from trying new things because that person just wants to protect your feelings in case those new things do not work out;
regardless of the intent, that person is holding you back and not doing you any real favours.
regardless of the intent, that person is holding you back and not doing you any real favours.
Learn To Calibrate to Toxic People
If you happen to start dating someone new and the chemistry is not exactly where you want it to be, and you decided to give your date a chance to let the chemistry develop over time because you really like your date and love all of your date’s other attributes
BUT your best friend tells you that you should dump your date, because you deserve better, and should never settle,
then your best friend may be toxic to you.
BUT your best friend tells you that you should dump your date, because you deserve better, and should never settle,
then your best friend may be toxic to you.
Maybe your best friend has your best interests at heart, or maybe your best friend is jealous of your date and doesn’t want to lose spending time with you.
Either way, if you have a chance at finding a decent partner to have a serious relationship, and a person in your life is pushing you to give it up before giving it a real chance, that person may be toxic for you.
If you are attempting to adopt a healthier lifestyle of eating better, exercising and reducing the amount of alcohol and junk food you eat, and a person in your life keeps trying to get you to go out places that encourage those behaviors you are trying to change, that person may be toxic for you.
The person could attempt to join you on your new outings that encourage your new sought out healthier lifestyle, but isn’t interested, and attempts to guilt you into going places you would rather stay away from, that person may be toxic for you.
Advice on Dealing with Toxic People
If you want to move forward in your life, it is going to involve some sacrifices
and one of those sacrifices might mean to spend less time with the toxic people in your life who, good intentions or not, hold you back.
There will be consequences such as some hurt feelings, and maybe a little resentment from the people that you put some distance with.
On the other hand,
the consequences might also include a newfound sense of adventure for life, new confidence in your ability to more forward, and even the best possible serious romantic relationship ever.
In the long term, it might be a pretty good trade.
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All About Moving Your Relationship To The Next Level
The Hierarchy of Sex, Dating and Relationships
By Frank Kermit
One of the biggest mistakes people make in relationships is to promote someone up the hierarchy of commitment that has not really earned it.
The Ten Levels of Commitment In the hierarchy of relationships (specifically romantic relationships), the categories are:
- Legal Spouse (can be substituted with Life Partner, or Co-Parent)
- Engaged Fiancé (can be substituted with Live-in Partner)
- Monogamous Exclusive Partner OR Non-Monogamous Primary Partner (Same Level)
- Casual Dating (Public) Partner
- Friends-With-Benefits (Private) Partner
- One-Night-Stand
- Non-Romantic Friend
- Off-Limits-For-Now
- Off-Limits-For-Ever
- Toxic
From least committal (Toxic) to most committal (Legal Spouse).
Below is a Chart from the chapter The Hierarchy of Dating and Relationships from my coaching workbooks. One of the principles I teach in my coaching workbooks for men and women, "I'm A Man, That's My Job" and "I'm a Woman, It's My Time" respectively is that to make any relationship work is that COMMITMENT MUST BE EARNED.
The Chart Of The Hierarchy of Sex, Dating and Relationships by FrankTalks.com
One of the keys to successful relationship management is not to commitment your time, energy and attention to a person just because you feel something for that person.
You must also take into consideration if that person has earned your commitment in the manner with which they satisfy your criteria for each level of the relationship hierarchy.
successful relationships quotes
For example, let's say the person you are casually dating (non-exclusive partner) is someone that drinks alcohol regularly, but your personal criteria for a spouse is someone that rarely drinks at all.
Coaching Workbook For Men - FrankTalks.com
Given that your criteria clearly indicates that you have no long term future with that person, under the rules of the hierarchy,
you must never promote that person to an exclusive partner.
Coaching Workbook For Women - FrankTalks.com
The reason being that there is no point in getting exclusive with someone if there is no long term possibility with that person. Even if you are madly in love with that person, you still must resist the temptation to seek a stronger commitment with that person.
In time, it will become more evident if you continue to commit to the wrong person, that love alone is not enough to make long term relationships work because those criteria you have set, will have been based on your personal values.
If your chosen partner violates your values over the course of your relationship, then it is just a matter of time before your own resentment towards your partner overtakes any notions of your original romantic love that motivated you to choose to seek a commitment from someone that did not reflect your values.
Think About It - FrankTalks.com
At each level of the hierarchy are distinct criteria. Each criteria level will include criteria from the lower levels, and are missing criteria from the levels above.
This means that the criteria for one-night-stand partners must be the category with the least criteria, and as you move up the hierarchy, the criteria for friends-with-benefits will include the same criteria as one-night-stand partners as well as a few more, but not as many as the criteria for non-exclusive partner.
The spouse criteria should be your most abundant list of requirements, because that is the highest level that a partner can hope to earn in your life.
When The Law Affects Your Relationship in ways you did not know - FrankTalks.com
When you take your relationship to the next level (promote your partner up the hierarchy) it has to be based on how your partner continues to prove he or she satisfies your personal criteria.
And when you demote a partner down the hierarchy (from exclusive partner to friends-with-benefits) it cannot be because you "just are not feeling it right now".
It has to be because they have stop satisfying your criteria.
From Friends To Lovers: A book for Nice Guys that want to Date His Best Female Friend
During the course of any relationship, there will be times you will not be "feeling it right now", and there is no way of being sure that the lack of emotion does not stem from your own issues (for example, weather-related mood swings) rather than a partner failing to meet your emotional needs.
How you feel about a person plays less of a role in emotionally healthy relationships that most people think.
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Open Relationships Vs. Infidelity
Open Relationships vs Infidelity
By Frank Kermit
*This is an excerpt of my Ebook: FRANKTALKS VOLUME 3: MONOGAMY AND NON-MONOGAMY EDITION EBOOK
Poly Can't Cure A Cheater Addicted To Cheating
Some people believe that one of the surest ways to guarantee fidelity is to only do open relationships. The premise is that people only cheat in monogamous relationships.
Some advocates of open relationships may even claim that the monogamous relationship structure forces couples that would otherwise be happier in open relationships to lie and be unfaithful.
This is also based on the premise that having sex with someone that is not your primary partner is not considered cheating if your primary partner knows about it, and consents to it. I personally concur that consent of extra-marital sex negates the concept of cheating.
However, just being in open relationships does not automatically eliminate the cheating ways of a person that cheats for reasons other than dissatisfaction with monogamy.
By Frank Kermit
*This is an excerpt of my Ebook: FRANKTALKS VOLUME 3: MONOGAMY AND NON-MONOGAMY EDITION EBOOK
Poly Can't Cure A Cheater Addicted To Cheating
Some people believe that one of the surest ways to guarantee fidelity is to only do open relationships. The premise is that people only cheat in monogamous relationships.
Some advocates of open relationships may even claim that the monogamous relationship structure forces couples that would otherwise be happier in open relationships to lie and be unfaithful.
This is also based on the premise that having sex with someone that is not your primary partner is not considered cheating if your primary partner knows about it, and consents to it. I personally concur that consent of extra-marital sex negates the concept of cheating.
However, just being in open relationships does not automatically eliminate the cheating ways of a person that cheats for reasons other than dissatisfaction with monogamy.
Understanding Open Relationships
As I explain in my book FRANKTALKS VOLUME 3: MONOGAMY AND NON-MONOGAMY EDITION EBOOK, there are some people that would do better in some kind of non-monogamous relationship structure than in a monogamous one.
Those people simply feel more emotionally balanced in open relationships.
Trying to force themselves into monogamous relationship structures to either appease society, or even in an honest attempt to try and make their partners happy, just pushes their issues underground.
Eventually those issues surface and can possibly result in self-sabotaging actions (which includes infidelity) to attack their original relationship.
FrankTalks Vol 3. The Monogamy and Non-Monogamy Edition
Others in that situation may justify their infidelity because in their opinions, it is the only way for them to support the illusion of monogamy that they feel is expected of them to maintain.
For these kinds of people, open relationships can in fact be an opportunity for them to have very honest relationships without ever feeling the pulse of committing an act of shameful infidelity.
Now for the surprise...for people who cheat because of the thrill they get from cheating, not even being in an open relationship will quench this behavior pattern.
Whereas people who thrive in open relationships do so as a means to maintain their emotional balance in an honest manner, people who cheat while in open relationships are acting out of some desire to experience the rush that some may find when they experience doing something forbidden.
The Non-Monogamy Guide
Frank Kermit Romance Formula: How To Be Romantic
Just like a drug, the emotional range, release, and pleasure highs that can accompany an illicit affair can be addictive and cause a person to behave like an addict.
At this point, cheating stops being a form of fun under the banner of self-entitlement, and turns into a means of escapism.
Once this line is crossed, it does not matter what the intent of having an open relationship structure originally was.
At this new junction point, the infidelity has nothing to do with that person's partner, a sense of entitlement, or the kind of open relationship rules the couple originally concocted. The infidelity will continue to exist as a means of furthering the new addictions own existence.
People that cheat regardless of already having the opportunity to have sex with others outside their primary pair bonding relationship generally do so as a means of escapism.
So whether you practice:
- monogamy,
- some form of non-monogamous relationship structure,
- polyamory,
- or even in a committed fetish alternative relationship,
people who cheat because they are addicted to the perceived thrill of cheating do so for their own reasons, and not because of the relationship structure they are in;
and changing relationship structures with this kind of addict will not help.
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The Silver Lining of P.T.S.D.
The Silver Lining of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)
by Josee St-Onge
There were many things in my life that were not planned nor desired. Developing PTSD certainly was not one of them. Nor was the assault that lead to it.
For me, it was like waking up in a foreign country.
An outsider, within my own life.
Even the simplest of tasks required a revision of each step in order to be able to accomplish it. At times, I did not feel much. At other times, I felt too much. Caught between two elusive worlds, I clung to anything that would help me to stay present.
The laughter of my children was the first thing to seep in.
Sleep was my enemy. But being awake was not my ally.
Every cell in my body felt like it was irritated and angry. Utilizing every ounce of my energy. There were no reserves to access. No clear healing path to follow.
And then a thought occurred to me.
I had survived the worst. It was time to just be.
Be who I need to be at the moment in order to move forward. Letting go is far less painful but rather a scary thing to do. Allowing myself to feel, transformed me into something unexpected. Showing me that there is no shame in taking a step back in order to reconnect with our innate self.
Over time, we seem to lose this connection and define ourselves through our career, family status, age or religion. But these are not who we are as spiritual beings. But merely the costumes we wear as we progress through the various stages of life.
I assure you that as a nurse, care giver and mother of three. I had lost that connection long ago. Sacrificing, giving, guiding, teaching and loving. All wonderful, in their own ways. But all draining of fuel that if not re-filled, may lead us to feel empty and resentful.
The world will take as much as you are willing to give. Giving is needed. However, giving without accepting is maladaptive, counterproductive and draining. I found myself, completely depleted. I needed to be refueled.
by Josee St-Onge
There were many things in my life that were not planned nor desired. Developing PTSD certainly was not one of them. Nor was the assault that lead to it.
For me, it was like waking up in a foreign country.
An outsider, within my own life.
Even the simplest of tasks required a revision of each step in order to be able to accomplish it. At times, I did not feel much. At other times, I felt too much. Caught between two elusive worlds, I clung to anything that would help me to stay present.
The laughter of my children was the first thing to seep in.
Sleep was my enemy. But being awake was not my ally.
Every cell in my body felt like it was irritated and angry. Utilizing every ounce of my energy. There were no reserves to access. No clear healing path to follow.
And then a thought occurred to me.
I had survived the worst. It was time to just be.
Be who I need to be at the moment in order to move forward. Letting go is far less painful but rather a scary thing to do. Allowing myself to feel, transformed me into something unexpected. Showing me that there is no shame in taking a step back in order to reconnect with our innate self.
Over time, we seem to lose this connection and define ourselves through our career, family status, age or religion. But these are not who we are as spiritual beings. But merely the costumes we wear as we progress through the various stages of life.
I assure you that as a nurse, care giver and mother of three. I had lost that connection long ago. Sacrificing, giving, guiding, teaching and loving. All wonderful, in their own ways. But all draining of fuel that if not re-filled, may lead us to feel empty and resentful.
The world will take as much as you are willing to give. Giving is needed. However, giving without accepting is maladaptive, counterproductive and draining. I found myself, completely depleted. I needed to be refueled.
Photo: J. St-Onge
Photo: J. St-Onge
Photo: J. St-Onge
Photo: J. St-Onge
ENTER SOAP MAKING
Through old-fashioned hand crafted soap making, each of my senses began to awaken one at a time.
Creativity started to bubble up from deep within my soul.
I let it.
Slowly, inspiration took over.
It was like welcoming home an old friend. One that had been lost, yet returned like not a day had gone by without. Creativity was the friend that showed up and carried me when I could no longer carry myself.
Photo Credit: Josee St-Onge
On the days when I am feeling overwhelmed, I take out my supplies. First choosing my scents, then my oils. My tolerance for being in the here and now, grew from there.
It seems odd to say that soap saved me.
But it truly has.
It seems odd to say that soap saved me.
But it truly has.
Photo Credit: Josee St-Onge
Along with the help of a qualified therapists and the support of family and friends! It would have been way too easy to numb my pain with drugs or alcohol.
I can understand why one would want to.
Trusting that we somehow have the internal resources to deal with the unimaginable is perhaps the most difficult part of the healing process.
I can understand why one would want to.
Trusting that we somehow have the internal resources to deal with the unimaginable is perhaps the most difficult part of the healing process.
Photo Credit: Josee St-Onge
Creativity Is Your Friend
Creativity is an old friend. This old friend and I, have a long healing journey ahead.
But once past it, I will surely keep it around.
I could never undo the amount of internal growth that it has helped me to achieve.
I do not see myself as broken. But rather, broken open.
It is this unfortunate event that jolted me out of my robotic way of living.
I was so focused on what needed to be accomplished in my day, that I was no longer just being.
Creativity is an old friend. This old friend and I, have a long healing journey ahead.
But once past it, I will surely keep it around.
I could never undo the amount of internal growth that it has helped me to achieve.
I do not see myself as broken. But rather, broken open.
It is this unfortunate event that jolted me out of my robotic way of living.
I was so focused on what needed to be accomplished in my day, that I was no longer just being.
Photo Credit: Josee St-Onge
On those challenging days, finding even the smallest of joys may help ground us.
It can be as simple as enjoying our favorite tea.
Or applying a scented hand cream.
A few minutes of taking in the life around us can make the world of difference.
I am excited about today.
I am excited about the future.
But most of all, I am excited about the deepened person I have become.
There is not one thing or a person that can define us.
We are the only ones with the power to do so.
We must remember to just be!
It can be as simple as enjoying our favorite tea.
Or applying a scented hand cream.
A few minutes of taking in the life around us can make the world of difference.
I am excited about today.
I am excited about the future.
But most of all, I am excited about the deepened person I have become.
There is not one thing or a person that can define us.
We are the only ones with the power to do so.
We must remember to just be!
Photo Credit: Josee St-Onge
Soon, I will be revealing the final product of my inspirations. Feel free to reach out and share what is keeping you grounded. Let’s continue to inspire and uplift one another!
-Josee St-Onge
https://www.facebook.com/beeefriendly
-Josee St-Onge
https://www.facebook.com/beeefriendly
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Check Out The Adult Male Virgin System
The Plight of Adult Aged Virgins: Rejected For Being a Virgin
By Frank Kermit
Single adults in there 20s, 30s, 40s and even 50s have a variety of challenges they face when navigating the rough waters of dating.
However, a particular sub-set of these individuals have an extra challenge, that can continue to keep them single, if they do not know how to circumvent the expectations placed upon them by their dating circles.
By Frank Kermit
Single adults in there 20s, 30s, 40s and even 50s have a variety of challenges they face when navigating the rough waters of dating.
However, a particular sub-set of these individuals have an extra challenge, that can continue to keep them single, if they do not know how to circumvent the expectations placed upon them by their dating circles.
They are the adult aged virgins. Men and women who, for whatever reason, have never experienced sexual relations with another human being when younger and continue to do so as they matured.
We are not discussing adults who grew up in certain cultural or religious environments that valued virginity until marriage and ended up never being married. Those individuals tend to be proud of their virginities and hold themselves in high regard, attached to that aspect of their identities.
We are talking about adults who would have wanted, or been open too, sexual experiences through dating and relationships, but who never managed to end up having sex.
We are not discussing adults who grew up in certain cultural or religious environments that valued virginity until marriage and ended up never being married. Those individuals tend to be proud of their virginities and hold themselves in high regard, attached to that aspect of their identities.
We are talking about adults who would have wanted, or been open too, sexual experiences through dating and relationships, but who never managed to end up having sex.
Check Out The Adult Virgin System
Part of the struggle is how adult aged virgins are regarded. Virginity for adults in their late 20s and older, are not always seen as a prize.
In my Coaching Practice I have noted many virgins recounted how someone was interested in dating them UNTIL the virgins revealed their status as adult aged virgins.
At which point, many would-be lovers flee before the next dating encounter.
For those that reject dating adult aged virgins, reasons may include:
- not wanting to deal with the pressure of being someone’s first,
- not wanting the virgin to regret losing their virginity (facing resentment), and
- not having to wait for the virgin to feel ready for sex.
Potential partners who have previously been sexually active tend not to revel in the notion of waiting what could be weeks, or even months, for the virgin they are dating to feel ready and comfortable for first time sex.
It makes no difference if the potential partner is simply seeking a casual dating partner and sex for fun, or those looking for a more serious commitment. Neither of them wants to wait longer than they are used too in order to explore sexual compatibility and enjoyment.
In fact, even some match making companies will refuse to take on virgins as clients because of how difficult they may be to find a match for.
At one time there was a double standard, where an adult male who was a virgin was seen as being “less than a man”, but that an adult aged female was considered of value and virtue.
That no longer seems to be the case, as today many “good girls” simply struggle to find a boyfriend anymore, as few men want to deal with the perceived challenges that accompany dating someone who has yet to experience their first time.
That no longer seems to be the case, as today many “good girls” simply struggle to find a boyfriend anymore, as few men want to deal with the perceived challenges that accompany dating someone who has yet to experience their first time.
As far as my personal practice goes, the only people that hope to meet a virgin to marry one day are those from very strict religious and cultural backgrounds who seek the same.
Of particular interest, and something I write about in my book THE ADULT MALE VIRGINS HANDBOOK EBOOK not one virgin (male or female) has ever been excited by the prospect of marrying someone who is also a virgin. So it seems that even the virgins would rather not date virgins, expecting their future partners to guide them.
Even virgins REJECT other virgins!
Even virgins REJECT other virgins!
The First Step To Losing Your Virginity
With all this said, THERE IS REALLY NOTHING WRONG with being a virgin at any age. What matters is that the virgin is comfortable with being a virgin.
It is only an issue is the virgin is not happy being a virgin, but refuses to challenge him or her self to do something about it.
It is only an issue is the virgin is not happy being a virgin, but refuses to challenge him or her self to do something about it.
P.S. Do you Agree With This Article? Disagree? Have something to Add?
Write your thoughts in the comments below and SHARE this article to see how many of your friends think like you.
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Head & Shoulders 3 Action Formula BzzAgent Review
Working from home means that I don’t usually worry too much about grooming each day.
I work in my pj's and sometimes go a day or two without a shower. For this reason I always keep my hair short (usually a like a crew cut). Then my wife signed me up for BzzAgent.
In anticipation of being a BzzAgent, I skipped my barber appointments to get the full experience. That’s when I received Head & Shoulders 3 Action Formula shampoo in Classic Clean as well as a bottle of conditioner. So I have been letting my hair grow and using both regularly.
I work in my pj's and sometimes go a day or two without a shower. For this reason I always keep my hair short (usually a like a crew cut). Then my wife signed me up for BzzAgent.
In anticipation of being a BzzAgent, I skipped my barber appointments to get the full experience. That’s when I received Head & Shoulders 3 Action Formula shampoo in Classic Clean as well as a bottle of conditioner. So I have been letting my hair grow and using both regularly.
The first thing I noticed was that my hair just looked better. Usually, when it grows out, it looks messy and unkempt but since using Head & Shoulders 3 Action Formula shampoo and conditioner my hair is more manageable (yeesh, I feel like one of those commercials), but it’s true (now I sound like one).
My wife's has been having fun running her fingers through my hair. She has not done that in years. (……)
https://tinyurl.com/k6szy6x
Since then two people have remarked about my hair.
One has been my doctor. I took my kid in for a check-up and my doctor who has only seen me with short hair, commented on the fact that not only did I have longer hair, but he also commented about how it made me look younger and how full and healthy it looked.
It was a nice change, as my doctor has only ever commented about my need to lose weight.
“You still need to lose weight, but your hair is amazing!”
I told him about BzzAgent and that I was using Head & Shoulders 3 Action Formula shampoo and conditioner.
Although I work from home, I do have some projects that take me out of the house, and in those cases, I work closely with a colleague. I see her about once a month. She also remarked that I should keep my hair longer as it looked so full and wavy and how it made me look more attractive.
“It’s looks great! I don’t understand why you keep your hair short when it grows out like this?” I explained to her that in the past, I would let my hair grow out and it would not be this robust and that I was a BzzAgent and told her I was using Head & Shoulders 3 Action Formula shampoo and conditioner in Classic Clean.
Working for myself from home these last few years, it is easy to become comfortable with not having to make appearances,and receive positive comments about my style including my hair. Maybe, a little too comfortable? But I have to admit, the attention and positive comments were a really nice feeling to have, and although I do plan to go crew cut again at some point, I might have to make less trips to the barber this year.
This review is #notsponsored and no payment has been received.
BzzAgents are given the chance to review products and give their honest opinion.
#GotItFree #BzzAgent #HealthyHairSecrets
One has been my doctor. I took my kid in for a check-up and my doctor who has only seen me with short hair, commented on the fact that not only did I have longer hair, but he also commented about how it made me look younger and how full and healthy it looked.
It was a nice change, as my doctor has only ever commented about my need to lose weight.
“You still need to lose weight, but your hair is amazing!”
I told him about BzzAgent and that I was using Head & Shoulders 3 Action Formula shampoo and conditioner.
Although I work from home, I do have some projects that take me out of the house, and in those cases, I work closely with a colleague. I see her about once a month. She also remarked that I should keep my hair longer as it looked so full and wavy and how it made me look more attractive.
“It’s looks great! I don’t understand why you keep your hair short when it grows out like this?” I explained to her that in the past, I would let my hair grow out and it would not be this robust and that I was a BzzAgent and told her I was using Head & Shoulders 3 Action Formula shampoo and conditioner in Classic Clean.
Working for myself from home these last few years, it is easy to become comfortable with not having to make appearances,and receive positive comments about my style including my hair. Maybe, a little too comfortable? But I have to admit, the attention and positive comments were a really nice feeling to have, and although I do plan to go crew cut again at some point, I might have to make less trips to the barber this year.
This review is #notsponsored and no payment has been received.
BzzAgents are given the chance to review products and give their honest opinion.
#GotItFree #BzzAgent #HealthyHairSecrets
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This is a Guest Contribution
Vibrators Are Not Your Competition!
by Karly Stein
I hear this from men all the time,
“I can please her better than a vibrator can”
“She won’t need that when she’s with me”.
Recently, on a Facebook group page I read word from a man stating that vibrators were his number one competition.
Well here’s the truth…. It’s not a competition!!
by Karly Stein
I hear this from men all the time,
“I can please her better than a vibrator can”
“She won’t need that when she’s with me”.
Recently, on a Facebook group page I read word from a man stating that vibrators were his number one competition.
Well here’s the truth…. It’s not a competition!!
Vibrators and Massagers in all shapes, sizes and themes
10 Reasons why you need to appreciate the vibrator!
- Vibrators can be used to spice it up and keep the monotony out of your sex life.
- They speed up climax times
- Professional Tool for Professional Results! Did you know vibrators were actually invented because a doctor was too tired from getting women to orgasm from manual stimulation?
- Vibrators were actually invented to cure a condition called hysteria.
- Can be use on both men and women
- The more orgasms she has the more her body wants them, so use that to your advantage!
- Vibrators can create more intense orgasms and offer the option for blended orgasms
- Vibrators add a third without a third person being there
- Women should be having at least 200 orgasms a year to help with heart health and many other health reasons, so vibrators allow her to have 200 orgasms much more easily.
- Vibrators are a good alternative when her man isn’t available.
Men provide much more to a woman than a vibrator can!
Women seek from men: companionship, love, touch, protection and more.
All things a vibrator can’t provide and that is why vibrators are not competition for men. So embrace the vibrator, understand that it is your ally. Have fun and be safe.
If you need more help in area of dating and relationship, schedule a free 30 minute discovery call at www.KarlyStein.com !
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Karly Stein of www.KarlyStein.com is your Wing Woman when it comes to dating and relationships. She is the host of Dating, Mating and Relating with Karly Stein on www.tapthemicradio.com. Author of 101 Ideas to Create Fun and Memorable Dates and the upcoming book Anatomy of a Bad Boy, How to be the Nice Guy and Still Get the Girl.
In 2012, Karly started her path into this industry by signing up to Sell Intimate Products and she quickly discovered that she loved learning everything she could about dating, relationships, intimacy and sex and then discovered a passion for teaching about it.
In 2014, She took a Passion and Intimacy Coaching Certification course and that quickly changed her path into coaching.
Karly is passionate about men stay out of the friend zone in relationships and helping women fully embrace their feminine side.
Karly Studied Communications and studio art at the University of Denver.
She currently lives in Denver, CO.
