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Day of the Entrepreneur by Frank Kermit
Day Of The Entrepreneur
by Frank Kermit
There are no personal days
There are no sick days
There are no recovery days
There are no bereavement days
There are no fun days
There are no “me” days
There are no vacation days
There are no off days
There are no days off
There are no special days
There are no holidays
There are no family days
There are no birthdays
There are no wedding days
There are no funeral days
There are no Mondays
There are no Fridays
There are no weekdays
There are no weak days
There are no long weekends
There are no weekends
There are no mornings
There are no afternoons
There are no evenings
There are no late nights
There are no overnights
There are no happy days
There are no yesterdays
There are no good ole days
There is no tomorrow
There is only TODAY
Just a day when you either
Get to work so you can get-to-work
Or a day you do not get to work
Until ONE DAY
Everyday becomes A Personal Day
And that is THE DAY
Of The Entrepreneur
by Frank Kermit
- Published on
The importance of continuing to show your love is highlighted in this contributed post.
Most of life is very simple. We’re born, we love, we laugh, we cry, we die. When you make it easy, life is simply those steps and along every step, love is the central theme. We are born into love. We are taught to grow in love before we fall in love ourselves, and it’s the most beautiful emotion. Life may be simple, but love is not. Love is the most complicated emotion in the human spectrum of emotions. We all crave it, we all seek it and for the most part, we cherish it once we have it. It comes from different places: children, partners and parents, and it means different things to everyone.
kiss romantic couple https://tinyurl.com/kwta5c3
Falling in love for the first time is one of the most meaningful experience you’ll ever have. The relationships that we have shape who we are as people and even when you think a short relationship doesn’t matter, there’s always an impact. You have to make love count where you can and live it in the moment rather than dismiss it from life, or you can end up becoming cynical about it. When you think back to the start of your relationship, you probably remember the fun. The sparks that flew, the dates you went on and the fizz in your stomach when they smiled at you are all memorable dating moments.
kiss romantic couple https://tinyurl.com/k6thmmr
Relationships do go stale and boring as time goes on; it’s an inevitability. But it comes from lack of effort. They only become boring if both parties aren’t putting their absolute all into it. You can’t be gifted with a great love and allow it to rot – you need to nurture it and let it thrive between you. The effort has to come from both of you and if you make it spontaneous and exciting every day, you’ll have a love that counts. Making love last through the years depends on the way you treat it. See the best in the person you’re with – they’re not going to be perfect but looking at the good qualities that they have over the bad is going to end things far earlier than you may imagine. The one thing that’s different when time passes, is the effort that gets put in. There are plenty of ways that you can make an effort for your relationship and the tips available on www.mydatingsolutions.com are fantastic and can really help you with those early dating nerves. When you make love count in your relationship, you can keep that romance and passion alive. You don’t need to do huge gestures in your relationship, even the smallest gestures can be appreciated and cherished. Always be thoughtful with any gestures you make and be grateful for those that you also receive.
romantic mood https://tinyurl.com/mojvjk8
You don’t have to be at the beginning of a relationship to have passion and romance. You can carry this throughout a whole relationship from beginning to whenever it ends – early or til death do you part! Did you know that one of the most important ways to show your love and affection is simply to listen? Listening is the cornerstone of any great, successful relationship and it’s not just the goals and the fun you should be paying attention to. Listen to the rants and the upset and the stresses they are experiencing. There’s nothing more romantic than someone who sits up and takes notice of you and your life. Get to know each other every day and keep things fresh. When the relationship is going a bit stale or boring – as they often do – don’t wait for it to fizzle out. Stand up and make your love count for you both.
heart in hand https://tinyurl.com/ljbv7ca
There are so many ways you can make love last in your life and having compassion is key. When you embark on a brand-new relationship, wooing is key. It’s not flowers, chocolates and dinners you need to use to woo them, but your humour and happiness and ability to show compassion. Understand their needs, be sympathetic to their desires and look for any way you can show them an act of kindness. If you’ve been married for several years, you can still show the person you love compassion and romance, and it’s even more important in a marriage. Making love last isn’t about the material things, it’s about how you can be your whole self with someone and how you can take notice of the little things. Sliding doors moments of relationships like these are the ones that count the most, such as companionably brushing teeth together before bed or making an effort to clear up a mess instead of pointing it out. Those moments are overlooked too often and they are the ones that people should be cherishing.
kiss romantic couple https://tinyurl.com/lnezjqm
Affection, passion and romance are all things that people crave with their love. Pay attention to their needs, make sure you kiss every day and make sure you spend time just laughing together. Laughter is the best thing for any relationship, new or old, to bloom. Older relationships grow into a mature love that doesn’t always need the fizz and bang of early relationship wonders, but there’s nothing wrong with having a little fizz! Mature love is usually diluted by children, jobs and distractions that secure your relationship but pull you apart romantically and make you forget those early days of passion. Rediscover them. Date each other all over again and do all the things you started out doing when you first fell in love.
You can make love count in thousands of ways, too many to list, and those ways all go hand in hand with effort for each other. If you want something to work, make it happen. If you want to fall in love again after a break up, make it happen. Put yourself out there and try hard for yourself. Love doesn’t just fall into our laps, it takes work and it’s wonderful and frustrating all at once. Once you’ve experienced it, it’s all you’ll crave. Make it count!
You can make love count in thousands of ways, too many to list, and those ways all go hand in hand with effort for each other. If you want something to work, make it happen. If you want to fall in love again after a break up, make it happen. Put yourself out there and try hard for yourself. Love doesn’t just fall into our laps, it takes work and it’s wonderful and frustrating all at once. Once you’ve experienced it, it’s all you’ll crave. Make it count!
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Can You Convert Your Spouse To BDSM?
How To Convince My Spouse To Become BDSM
By Master Pierre
One question that is asked more and more is:
"How do I convince my spouse to get into BDSM ?"
The first few times we received that question, it was from submissive men wanting to convince their wives to become their Domme.
But lately, we had that question from women wanting their husbands to become BDSM player as Dom or submissive.
The answer we give all of them is the same.
The need for BDSM is personal and cannot be "taught".
People within the BDSM lifestyle usually had to evolve toward what they are in BDSM and to learn about their own needs.
Trying to "make" someone who has no BDSM interest whatsoever into a Dom, Top, Bottom, submissive (what have you) is nearly impossible.
However!
Many men and women have
sexual fantasies.
It is possible to use these fantasies
as an exchange.
If your fantasy is to submit, maybe your partner's fantasy is different but you may help him or her to fulfill that fantasy, your spouse might help you experience your fantasy!
The discussion with your spouse is very important!
Many men and women have
sexual fantasies.
It is possible to use these fantasies
as an exchange.
If your fantasy is to submit, maybe your partner's fantasy is different but you may help him or her to fulfill that fantasy, your spouse might help you experience your fantasy!
The discussion with your spouse is very important!
What is your fantasy outfit?
Could You Share?
If your spouse has no sexual fantasies at all, maybe the solution would be to negotiate with them for you, to satisfy that need you may have with somebody else.
Often, during BDSM events, we meet people, men and women, that have a vanilla spouse that cannot satisfy their BDSM needs, but are their life partner with whom they are very much in love.
These people go "outside" their relationship to find a partner for their "other" needs and they do this with the acceptance of their spouse.
How do they do it?
They negotiate the limits of what they can do with their spouse.
Within these limits, anything can be included; when to do it (you may go to your BDSM partner when the kids are at their grand parents once a month) or it could be sexual limits (anything goes, but no intercourse).
Limits are different from couple to couple and the discussion (negotiation) is very important.
Limits are different from couple to couple and the discussion (negotiation) is very important.
So you can get started
BDSM is based on a consensual relationship.
To force someone to become involved in BDSM is NOT consensual and will create huge tensions within the couple.
It is widely known that during a public party, if you approach somebody new to play with, if that person says no, no means no and you must not insist. The same goes for your spouse, if they say no, no means no.
Don't Lie To Your Spouse. Talk To Your Spouse.
There is always the possibility of having a hidden BDSM relationship with someone and keep it secret from your spouse, but that is something between you and your conscience.
But here is some food for thought: You all know that BDSM is based on trust.
How will you convince a potential BDSM partner that you can be trusted....if you are already lying to your spouse?
But here is some food for thought: You all know that BDSM is based on trust.
How will you convince a potential BDSM partner that you can be trusted....if you are already lying to your spouse?
AUTHOR BIO:
The BDSM Circle is led by Pierre and Catharine. They live as a couple with values that include Domination and Submission as way of life for them. Pierre is a Dominant while Catharine also a Dominant is aka "Katy" who is Pierre`s Submissive; and together they oversea a small group of Submissives. They also have a bilingual website called BDSMCircle.com. Catharine and Pierre are featured as part of the 2004 season of the award winning television series KINK. Today they are featured on CJAD 800 AM radio on the Dr Laurie Betito show monthly feature 50 shades of passion. Learn more about them at their website http://www.bdsmcircle.net/
Below is a youtube video
of an interview Frank Kermit did many years ago with The BDSM Circle
of an interview Frank Kermit did many years ago with The BDSM Circle
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Towards Polyamory? A Personal and Unfinished Journey
Towards Polyamory? A Personal And Unfinished Journey
By Ken
Polyamory is a new term and concept for me.
It has arisen in my consciousness as the result of an ongoing search for meaning in my life, and as a term that represents a new way of looking at relationships, commitment, fidelity, sexual freedom and personal values.
For me it encompasses feelings of fear and insecurity, but also feelings of belonging, connectedness and liberation from old patterns and stifling conventionalities.
I am thinking about polyamory, among a number of relationship options, as a viable and possibly joyful form of intimate engagement with others.
First, a bit of background.
I am a 64 year old gay man.
I came out in my late 40s – a late bloomer by any definition.
I had a good (sometimes very good) 27 year marriage with a loving woman, and together we raised two daughters.
However (and I suppose this is “a tale as old as time”, as the song goes) there were increasingly protracted periods of depression and frustration as it became clearer to me that this identity was untenable, and I left my marriage.
I set out on a new path.
In the meantime, I retired and moved from Saskatchewan to my place of birth, Nova Scotia.
Of course, leaving my identity in Saskatchewan as a heterosexual family man, as a worker and more recently as a member of a GLBTQ community, had its challenges and adaptations, but today I am in an almost 4 year relationship with a loving man.
However, there are still stirrings of discontent and frustration.
I am still on a journey of discovery, unpeeling layers of personal history - genetics, upbringing, the aging process - and within that context attempting to carve out a life that represents who I am.
Who, in fact, am I, and what do I want?
My partner and I introduced the idea of non-monogamy into our conversation about two years ago.
In those two years we have experimented, including others in our sexual lives, both separately and as a couple.
My partner wanted the experience of variety, and I wanted to find a less rigid and conventional means of expressing my sexuality.
We have stopped and started this process a couple of times, due primarily to my discomfort. We have very different views about sex.
For my partner, sex is sex, a recreational activity whose goal is mutual pleasure.
Nothing more.
It does not involve emotion or any level of commitment (other than the potential for FWB: Friends-with-benefits).
For me, sex is about connection and belonging, intimacy and meaning. Sex is about love and friendship and commitment.
So we come to polyamory, the concept of experiencing more than one intimate partner, of sharing lives in a deep and meaningful way with multiple participants, and of enlarging and engaging with one’s notion of relationship.
For me this is a fraught process.
The very idea of engaging intimately with someone other than one’s partner, and other than in fantasy, has been utterly foreign to me.
The process of expanding my sexual contacts has pushed so many buttons – insecurity, confidence, value judgements, fear, anxiety, aging and sexual performance, abandonment, aloneness, jealousy, social censure.
On the other hand, I firmly believe that we should never expect one person to satisfy all our needs – a huge responsibility to place on another’s shoulders, and an abrogation of our own responsibility for our own lives.
This part of my personal journey, undertaken at a time when many people are questioning the meaning of their lives as they settle into old age, remains unfinished.
In my worst moments, I feel a sense of extreme anxiety, and sadness and loss at the discarding of values and beliefs by which I was raised and to which I subscribed throughout my life.
In my best moments I look forward with optimism and excitement to the expansion of possibilities in relationship and connection.
Author Bio:
Ken was born and raised in Nova Scotia, and after working in Western Canada for almost 30 years, retired and returned home to the Halifax area. He is a painter, gardener, reader and cat herder.
Towards Polyamory? A Personal And Unfinished Journey
By Ken
Polyamory is a new term and concept for me.
It has arisen in my consciousness as the result of an ongoing search for meaning in my life, and as a term that represents a new way of looking at relationships, commitment, fidelity, sexual freedom and personal values.
For me it encompasses feelings of fear and insecurity, but also feelings of belonging, connectedness and liberation from old patterns and stifling conventionalities.
I am thinking about polyamory, among a number of relationship options, as a viable and possibly joyful form of intimate engagement with others.
First, a bit of background.
I am a 64 year old gay man.
I came out in my late 40s – a late bloomer by any definition.
I had a good (sometimes very good) 27 year marriage with a loving woman, and together we raised two daughters.
However (and I suppose this is “a tale as old as time”, as the song goes) there were increasingly protracted periods of depression and frustration as it became clearer to me that this identity was untenable, and I left my marriage.
I set out on a new path.
In the meantime, I retired and moved from Saskatchewan to my place of birth, Nova Scotia.
Of course, leaving my identity in Saskatchewan as a heterosexual family man, as a worker and more recently as a member of a GLBTQ community, had its challenges and adaptations, but today I am in an almost 4 year relationship with a loving man.
However, there are still stirrings of discontent and frustration.
I am still on a journey of discovery, unpeeling layers of personal history - genetics, upbringing, the aging process - and within that context attempting to carve out a life that represents who I am.
Who, in fact, am I, and what do I want?
My partner and I introduced the idea of non-monogamy into our conversation about two years ago.
In those two years we have experimented, including others in our sexual lives, both separately and as a couple.
My partner wanted the experience of variety, and I wanted to find a less rigid and conventional means of expressing my sexuality.
We have stopped and started this process a couple of times, due primarily to my discomfort. We have very different views about sex.
For my partner, sex is sex, a recreational activity whose goal is mutual pleasure.
Nothing more.
It does not involve emotion or any level of commitment (other than the potential for FWB: Friends-with-benefits).
For me, sex is about connection and belonging, intimacy and meaning. Sex is about love and friendship and commitment.
So we come to polyamory, the concept of experiencing more than one intimate partner, of sharing lives in a deep and meaningful way with multiple participants, and of enlarging and engaging with one’s notion of relationship.
For me this is a fraught process.
The very idea of engaging intimately with someone other than one’s partner, and other than in fantasy, has been utterly foreign to me.
The process of expanding my sexual contacts has pushed so many buttons – insecurity, confidence, value judgements, fear, anxiety, aging and sexual performance, abandonment, aloneness, jealousy, social censure.
On the other hand, I firmly believe that we should never expect one person to satisfy all our needs – a huge responsibility to place on another’s shoulders, and an abrogation of our own responsibility for our own lives.
This part of my personal journey, undertaken at a time when many people are questioning the meaning of their lives as they settle into old age, remains unfinished.
In my worst moments, I feel a sense of extreme anxiety, and sadness and loss at the discarding of values and beliefs by which I was raised and to which I subscribed throughout my life.
In my best moments I look forward with optimism and excitement to the expansion of possibilities in relationship and connection.
Author Bio:
Ken was born and raised in Nova Scotia, and after working in Western Canada for almost 30 years, retired and returned home to the Halifax area. He is a painter, gardener, reader and cat herder.
Below are two youtube videos
of interviews Frank Kermit was involved with regarding Polyamory
of interviews Frank Kermit was involved with regarding Polyamory
P.S. Do you Agree With This Article? Disagree?
Have something to Add?
Write your thoughts in the comments below and share this article to see how many of your friends think like you.
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Sex and the City: Girl Talk for the Ages
Sex and the City 1998-2004- Girl talk for the ages
Written by: Pillow Talk Gal
If you are 25+ in age, you’ve probably seen at least one episode of this iconic show. Its appeal is undeniable and more often than not any viewer (male or female) walks away having learned something.
Witty banter can involve sexually hot topics, fashion trends, designers and of course the ever popular theme throughout the series L-O-V-E.
Written by: Pillow Talk Gal
If you are 25+ in age, you’ve probably seen at least one episode of this iconic show. Its appeal is undeniable and more often than not any viewer (male or female) walks away having learned something.
Witty banter can involve sexually hot topics, fashion trends, designers and of course the ever popular theme throughout the series L-O-V-E.
http://store.hbo.com/ *
We follow the lives of four strong women who are fumbling through the complicated world of dating, love and sex. We become so intertwined with the issues they face, the audience is left feeling like we are a part of the group, and you know, just another one of the gals.
Through the eyes of Carrie Bradshaw, Charlotte York, Miranda Hobbes and Samantha Jones we are immersed into the lifestyle of living in New York City, where we visit places to grab a quick drink/dinner, see fabulous shops, art galleries and of course there are the endless cocktails (more specifically cosmopolitans, the drink that became synonymous with this show).
We follow these women through everything from intimate details about sex (it is called Sex and The City after all) to finding love, staying in love or even falling out of it. This show speaks to me on so many levels that I find watching it almost therapeutic.
We follow these women through everything from intimate details about sex (it is called Sex and The City after all) to finding love, staying in love or even falling out of it. This show speaks to me on so many levels that I find watching it almost therapeutic.
For example, in season 5, episode 6 ‘’Critical Condition’’ Samantha decides to do some personal shopping which includes exchanging her defective vibrator to Sharper Image.
Of course her request is met with some surprise by the store clerk as he mentions that Sharper Image doesn’t sell vibrators (it is in fact a neck massager.)
None the less, that’s what Samantha has been using it for ‘’wink, wink, nudge, nudge’’.
After some interesting and witty exchanges between the two, the clerk succumbs to Samantha’s charm and tells her to pick another.
Onlookers in the store have been watching the exchange between the two and have come to the conclusion that she is some kind of vibrator guru (which of course we know she is). They begin to ask her questions as to which model would best suit their individual needs.
This scene is a perfect example of the way the show allows us to breach topics that otherwise might be considered risqué. After all, who among us hasn’t had the vibrator discussion with our own girlfriends?
Vibrators come in all shapes, sizes, colors and added features.
I mean, most single women I’ve spoken to say there’s no competition but are they saying this just to spare the feelings of their significant other?
In the case of someone who is in a married committed relationship, does the eventual vibrator need arise after the relationship becomes routine and predictable or is it a question of keeping things fresh and interesting for both parties involved.
Maybe for some it starts out as a curiosity issue and evolves into a way to avoid intimacy with others.
Think about it, a vibrator can’t hurt your feelings, doesn’t act selfish and can never break up with you.
It’s always there for you and never asks for anything in return... just new batteries.
So the question is where do we draw the line between recreational use and dependence on a battery operated relationship?
About Pillow Talk Gal
Born and raised in British Columbia, she is a professional woman managing a career, marriage, and a teenager. Life can be challenging at times but she's a firm believer that everything in life happens for a reason, and more often than not, she tries to understand those reasons.
"Join me in my journey throughout life’s issues and I guarantee you’ll be left pondering an issue or two." - Pillow Talk Gal
Born and raised in British Columbia, she is a professional woman managing a career, marriage, and a teenager. Life can be challenging at times but she's a firm believer that everything in life happens for a reason, and more often than not, she tries to understand those reasons.
"Join me in my journey throughout life’s issues and I guarantee you’ll be left pondering an issue or two." - Pillow Talk Gal
*Disclaimer: Sex and the City was produced by HBO and all rights, titles and interests in any images or clips, used herein under Fair Use and Fair Copying, remain the property of the author.
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Boredom is No Excuse To Seek Divorce
Boredom is NO EXCUSE for Divorce
By Frank Kermit
Couples coaching can be some of the most intense sessions possible.
Partly because it is about trying to understand two different points of view, but also partly due to each partner reacting to triggers from what the other partner is trying to communicate.
It can be very draining for all parties involved.
Emotions are high.
An established couple has the pressure of maintaining the relationship and trying to get to the next level, without losing what they were initially drawn too by the coupling.
Get Coaching Before You Get Divorced
The fear of unsolvable issues tearing apart what they have can bring couples to a breaking point.
Although it can be an unpleasant experience, it often is a necessary component if couples are to survive into a future together.
Sometimes, it takes a trusted trained, outside objective perspective, to bring clarity to a private situation.
In my coaching practice, I get to see the multiple sides of humanity.
I see the undying love of the human heart, the devotion to honor commitment, and the desire of parents who make it a goal to be better parents to their own children, than their own parents were to them.
I also experience stories of the violence that exists in relationships, the malicious manipulations of former lovers, how drugs destroy trust, and how resentment of unresolved issues of the past poison the passion of pair bonded couples.
Coaching is Cheaper Than Divorce
Coaching Workbook For Women Trying To Decide on Divorce
Honestly, I consider my profession to be a rare gift.
I see the best and worst that is out there.
It reminds me to be grateful for everything I have ever earned and worked for, including my own relationships.
This is why one of the concepts I practice is to make sure that a couple has legitimate reasons for filing for divorce.
Sometimes, individuals create fantasies in their imaginations about how wonderful life will be like if they get divorced.
- They focus on all the fun they feel they are missing out on.
- They focus on their anger in the moment.
- They focus on the past apologies they never got from their partners earlier in the marriage. (Ironically, apologies they never actually asked for directly it often turns out).
- They ignore the realities of what a divorce will actually bring to their lives.
You May Need Therapy or Coaching Instead of a Divorce
Coaching Workbook for Men Deciding on Divorce
The absolute WORST reason I have ever encounter from individuals seeking a divorce is that they are BORED.
Let me fill you in on a little secret.
Boredom simply is not a good enough excuse to end an otherwise functioning serious relationship.
Think of boredom as a symptom of a larger problem.
Chances are very high that your boredom has little to do with the partner you are with. In fact, your boredom could even be a sign of your own depression.
I always advise anyone contemplating divorce due to boredom to be assessed for depression.
Some of the best ways to combat your own boredom is to develop habits of being proactive and resilience to apathy.
Keep The Sex Life From Getting Boring
Learn the Difference between Fun, Fulfillment and Escapism with Frank Coaching
Anyone who divorces because they want more fun in life, will likely have that fun once separated but it will last only a short time.
Fun is not the same thing as fulfillment.
Once the fun is over, you still have to get back to your regular life.
Divorce does not solve the problems most people think it does, when boredom was your biggest motivation.
In those cases, divorce simply trades in one set of problems for a new set of problems.
With all due respect to the people out there that are bored out of their minds, a little boredom might be the best thing that could happen to you.
In the pillars of boredom that are part of the foundation of your current serious relationship are often the elements of:
With all due respect to the people out there that are bored out of their minds, a little boredom might be the best thing that could happen to you.
In the pillars of boredom that are part of the foundation of your current serious relationship are often the elements of:
- stability,
- reliability,
- predictability, and
- invulnerability to even the greatest temptation.
Romance Made Easy To Keep The Passion Going
What one person interprets as BORING may actually be a collection of ABILITIES that produce successful serious long-term relationships.
If you are aiming for a divorce, make sure you are doing it for the right reasons.
Boredom, without any other contributing factor, is not one of them.
It can be very easy to take for granted all the things that we actually value about our current relationships for the pillar reasons
mentioned above.
Do not make the mistake of having to lose what you have, and needing the experience of being without them to make you appreciate whom you got right now.
Frank Kermit
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Cost of Coaching vs Cost of Divorce.... Do you want to be able to retire?
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FrankTalks.com: What Is The Savior Complex?
Battling the Savior Complex
By Frank Kermit
As children, many of us grew up on stories about the hero that saves a person, and in the process, earned the undying love and loyalty of the person saved so that the hero and that saved person live happily ever after.
The message that some people got was that being a hero is a way (and for some people, they learned it is the ONLY way) to earn a love that will never experience abandonment. Others learned from those stories that you are only worthy of love if you save someone.
Learn More About Coaching
This has led to something I call The Savior Complex, which I see in my coaching practice.
It is the concept that some people seek out relationship partners who they feel need to be saved.
Both men and women do this.
This has led to something I call The Savior Complex, which I see in my coaching practice.
It is the concept that some people seek out relationship partners who they feel need to be saved.
Both men and women do this.
The "saved" person could be a person with low self esteem that makes poor choices for their own lives, a recovering addict, a person that has given up on some part of their life, a person that is always short on money, or a person that is unable to accept and express love and compliments.
The savior in this case finds a person that needs help in an area that the savior feels they have some talent in and attaches to that person-in-need-of-help, usually very quickly.
This often has dire consequences. Sometimes the savior puts his or her resources into helping someone change, who is neither actually interested nor capable of change.
The savior might end up either putting too much pressure on their partner, or end up stuck with the savior's own frustration of not being able to feel any "earned" love.
Other times, a savior might even become an enabler to someone NOT healing a personal issue.
Learn About Fear of Abandonment and Other Emotional Needs
For example, out of an Emotional Need of fear of abandonment, a would-be savior will actually sabotage a person's progress of healing so that the person is forever dependant on the savior.
Lastly, a savior might also be a victim of someone that preys on the overly nice nature that some saviors exhibit, which results in the savior eventually needing to be saved from the manipulative puppet master.
Lastly, a savior might also be a victim of someone that preys on the overly nice nature that some saviors exhibit, which results in the savior eventually needing to be saved from the manipulative puppet master.
Learn To Spot Red Flags By Understanding Emotional Needs
On the odd chance that the savior is actually able to help the distressed person overcome their issue (or if the person fixes the issues him or her self), the newly healed person and the savior find themselves in a quagmire.
The savior may lose attraction, as there is nothing left about the person to be saved from that would trigger the savior to feel attachment.
Another scenario is that once a person has healed, he or she becomes a different person, and the new person would not have ever sought to date a savior type to begin with, and the healed party moves on to find a new life partner that they can be on more equal footing.
A life partner cannot be someone that a person needs to save in order to earn love.
Your life partner will love you regardless if you have the power to save them or not.
If a potential life partner seeks you out to solve all of his or her problems, or if you are the one that feels obligated to save your partner from him or her self as a means to stay importantly relevant in their lives, it is all one big Red Flag.
At best, a life partner is something that you can be equal too, in the sense that neither one of you is required to save the other, especially saving a partner from themselves.
As partners, people can grow together, and explore the world together, and support each other through hard times, all the while making the mistakes we all make being human beings.
FrankTalks.com Coaching Workbook For Men
However, if you keep finding yourself only attracted to people that evoke some kind of savior complex in you, because you deem that their love will be easier to earn if you are a hero, and save that person, then you would be sadly mistaken.
Hero worship is not love.
It may be a combination of emotions including lust, admiration, awe, excitement, and fantasy fuelling energy but it is not love.
When someone, that you can do nothing for, has those same feelings for you without the requirement of you having to save them from life, THAT has more of a chance of being real love.
FrankTalks.com Coaching Workbook for Women
Beware of online profiles and single dating ads that start with: Rescue Me or something of that nature.
Fairy tales might make damsels in distress seem like a romantic notion, but the real world is no place to have a life partner that does not have the inner capacity to be their own hero.
Frank Kermit
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The Difference Between Jokes and Abuse In Raising A Child
By Frank Kermit
A joke is not a joke if it hurts someone.
With April 1st (known as April Fools Day) upon us, it can be customary for some to play a prank on the people we care about, all in the name of harmless fun.
However, in my practice I see a more sinister side of this day, and the premise that it is based on. When people use April Fools Day to justify a repeating behavior pattern of meanness and bullying, it is no joke. It is abuse plain and simple.
The emotional damage that can occur when humor is used as a mask for abuse is serious.
Ask any trauma counselor.
I worked on programs with special populations (adults with autism and other developmental challenges), and also counsel trauma victims in my coaching practice. I see and deal with the damage done to people when just having fun at the expense of a human being goes without context.
In most of those cases, the people having fun do NOT acknowledge that what they do is wrong, and are usually people who actually care (or are suppose to) about their targets.
The worst is when those jokes are perpetuated on children, where most people first learn about the blurred connections between humor, jokes and harmful acts.
Although children have a wonderful sense of playfulness that does not mean that children can distinguish the context of when a joke is a joke and when a joke can be harmful.
A child laughs at cartoon characters kicking each other in the butt (just watch old Chip And Dale cartoons for an example). However, when a child mimics that same behaviors on his daycare classmates, it is not funny to the kids being kicked.
Those innocent interpretations of children can grow up into emotional blocks for grown ups.
"My mother regularly told me that I was a mistake as a joke", says the adult man who has trouble holding on to a job.
"My brother used to call me fat as a joke all the time", says the adult woman who is dying from an eating disorder.
Let us first start off with a major concept.
Children are like sponges in the way they absorb information. There is no such thing as a time to play and then a time to learn. Children are ALWAYS in learning mode.
If you were to consider thinking of playtime as merely a different mode of learning, you may start to get a grasp of just how important socialization is to the development and education of a child.
This is one of the reasons why new educational endeavor seek to employ entertainment values in lesson planning.
When children are exposed to abuse under the form of humor, it is just as much an education about how to relate to themselves and each other, as sitting in a classroom and following a prepared lesson by a teaching professional.
Children who are the target of jokes may be learning something negative if the context of the joke is in anyway hurtful. If the teasing is coming from other children who have already set themselves up to be categorized as enemies, it may carry a certain message (i.e. the problem is the other children, not the child being targeted).
However if the teasing is coming from the best friends or even family of the targeted child, the message could end up being that if the people who are suppose to love the child actually hate the child, then child is unlovable.
This can be especially heinous when the teasing is actually tolerated or even encouraged by the people around the child who would normally be expected to protect the child.
As I teach this in my program, THE ART OF CALIBRATION PROGRAM: FROM CREEPY TO CHARISMA EBOOK: A key component if you are struggling to decide if something would be a harmless joke or if something may constitute a form of abuse or mistreatment is to ask one question:
Would the person who is being targeted be laughing at the joke being played on him or her?
If the answer is yes, then it is all in fun.
If the person who is being targeted is not finding it as funny as the prankster, then it is abuse.
At the heart of this question, is the question of consent.
Would the person you are playing the joke on consent to it?
If there is consent, it is a shared experience.
When there is no consent, the joke can cross the line and become an act of violence or abuse (even name calling is an act of verbal abuse).
To make it even more abundantly clear, if you are unable to accurately predict if the person you are targeting would fully consent, then take that as a sign not to pull the joke.
The absence of consent is what makes it abuse.
One question I have been asked is whether or not it is alright to make fun of someone, or laugh at someone, provided the person would never find out about it.
If a person does not know he or she is being made fun of, then no feelings can be hurt, and would that make it OK?
The answer is no.
It does not matter if the person being made fun of, laughed at, or having a prank played upon them does not know it. It is still wrong. To use a relational analogy, it is still cheating if you have promised fidelity to someone, regardless if the other partner never finds out.
Whether it is making fun of the introverted neighbors down the street, a celebrity on the Internet, strangers on Youtube videos, or the shy kid in class that does not know how to defend herself, having fun at someone's expense, even if they do not know about it, still does not change the fact that it is a hurtful act you knowingly commit.
So before you play a joke or prank on someone you love (or a stranger for that matter), just stop.
Especially if the person is a child, or simply does not like being made fun of. There are many ways to share an experience with someone you care about, and better ways for you to show that you care than poking fun at them.
April Fools Day is not an excuse to be a bully.
Frank Kermit
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Support People With Mental Health Challenges Who Have Been Bullied
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The Friends-With-Benefits Quiz, Question # 1
The Friends-With-Benefits Quiz Question # 1
by Frank Kermit
Let me start by saying that this information about how to manage a Friends-With-Benefits is an excerpt of my coaching workbooks for women and for men.
by Frank Kermit
Let me start by saying that this information about how to manage a Friends-With-Benefits is an excerpt of my coaching workbooks for women and for men.
The FrankTalks.com Coaching Workbook for Men
One of the principles I teach in my coaching workbooks for men and women, "I'm A Man, That's My Job" and "I'm a Woman, It's My Time" respectively is that you have to learn how to manage even a friends-with-benefits relationship as part of learning to manage any and all successful relationship.
The FrankTalks.com Coaching Workbook for Men
Sometimes people might want to answer "A. As Often as Possible" because they figure that it is like getting "free" sex and they should take as much as they can. That does seem reasonable.
Sometimes people might want to answer "B. 2-3 Times a Week" because they figure, it is just like dating someone anyways and they want to enjoy themselves with their lover and it gives them time to see their friends-with-benefits lover AND still have time to go out, do their errands, and have time to themselves. That does seem reasonable too.
Sometimes people might want to answer "C. Every Weekend" because they figure the person is just a friends-with-benefits and they have busy lives, but that they should be willing to commit to meeting every weekend so that neither one has to date anyone else so they can have guaranteed sex, and a guaranteed plan for the weekend, and no one ends up lonely. That does seem reasonable as well.
Sometime people might want to answer "D. Once a Week, Or Less" because they figure that a friends-with-benefits is not a serious commitment sex partner, and that they want to enjoy the benefits, but still keep a proper emotional distance.
These are ALL REASONABLE INTERPRETATIONS.
But there is only ONE RIGHT ANSWER
Do you SUCK at Romance, and want to learn Romance-Made-Easy?
There are many levels of Commitment in The Hierarchy of Sex, Dating and Relationships.
Friends with Benefits is a STAGE 2 Level of involvement and it has various rules to make sure that you don't hurt someone unintentionally, that someone does not hurt you, and how you can manage being friends-with-benefits in a way that would allow everyone to stay on good terms even after it ends.
The Answer is D. Once a Week, Or Less
A proper FWB relationship means you only see each other once a week. Twice a week on occasion if you plan a special getaway.
One of the biggest mistakes that partners make in FWB is that they try to see each other as often as they can in a short time period. All this will do is confuse the issue.
Seeing each other more than once a week is acting like more serious relationship than it is, and can nurture romantic feelings to develop.
If you act like you are more than just a FWB, you can expect one or both partners to start feeling, wanting or expecting more from each other
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What You Hate Most About Dating
What You Hate Most About Dating, And What You Can Do About It
by Frank Kermit
In anticipation of appearing on the radio program Passion with Dr. Laurie Betito for the monthly feature Dating Dilemmas, I posted a question on Social Media, asking:
by Frank Kermit
In anticipation of appearing on the radio program Passion with Dr. Laurie Betito for the monthly feature Dating Dilemmas, I posted a question on Social Media, asking:
WHAT DO YOU HATE MOST ABOUT DATING?
The results were very interesting.
Some complaints were very common and came up often.
Other people brought up some unique points of interest, that made for great discussion.
So, we took some of those suggestions and talked about it on air during the radio show.
Unfortunately, there was not enough time to cover ALL the complaints that came up,
So, here is the youtube video of the entire radio show for you all to check out:
And just because the complaints were so amazing, I posted a number of them here:
Playing hard to get, taking time to respond, hot & cold thinking it'll make the guy more interested.
-R.
People who feign interest in another person with no intention of following through to boost their own ego. example: When a woman tells a man she wants to see his new place. Then the man tries to set up a time to make that happen and the woman suddenly stops responding or says she was just kidding.
-J
Being In Love with a Female Friend, that will not give me a chance after knowing me for years. I ask her out and she says that she does not want to ruin the friendship. Like, we are going to have a friendship after she rejects me!
-Friendzoned
I give too much to other people, and all I get is taken advantage of. Does anyone even want to get into a relationship anymore?
-People-Pleaser
A long time friend will reject you for a date, unless you approach her in this way!
Learning What To Say on a First Date is 50% of Learning To Enjoy Dating!
It's tilted in favour of women.
-Male
I've always felt dating favoured men or was easier for men.
-Female
Mostly they like you and you don't like them. Or vice versa
-T
People who don't seem to know what they want or can't express it.
-L
In person: Flakes. Getting them to actually meet up. Having a connection when you meet and then never want to meet up. Playing games or misleading you.
-A
Online wise: catfish, old pictures or angled shots that don't truly represent what they look like, girls who judge based on attributes you can't change when your honest. Girls who expect you to be their sugar daddy and support them and their 20 kids you had no part in creating
-A
It's the finding someone you want to date that I find annoying. At my age, late 40's, I find it obviously a lot harder to meet people than when I was in my 30's.
-M
Learn The New Rules of Dating, To ENJOY the Dating Process!
The Secret To Breaking Up and Staying on Good Terms
I miss the old fashioned dating...where you get to know each other face to face and have communication and not the texting kind . Where you go on a date and if it goes well you go on another. Now a days it's just so complicated and impersonal and they want to do everything backwards.
-S
When married men say they are divorced and after your first date it's we are separated but still live in the same house ...just waiting for the house to sell
-M
Date went well, until he told me about his girlfriend 😒 ... why accept the date if you've got a girlfriend? Yes he said it was an open relationship. Maybe theirs is, but I'm not. Monogamy is the only way for me.
-K
approach anxiety, when women pressure for monogamy, when erectile dysfunction happens
-T
Finding out the guy lied or has another girlfriend
-M
A Guide to Managing Monogamy and Non-Monogamy
Learn the Basics of Being Romantic for your Next Date
Girls who expect the guy to always pay for everything.
-J
The phrase, "shall we split this?"
-P
I had a guy asked me to go on a date to a nice restaurant then he actually said he doesn't have money to pay for the dinner when we about to left, so I spent quite a lot that time. Then he dare to asked for another trip to cinema after I just paid for everything. I don't mean that man should pay for things but he was being rude and asked me to pay for him on a first date. He also ordered an expensive meal.
-W
-J
The phrase, "shall we split this?"
-P
I had a guy asked me to go on a date to a nice restaurant then he actually said he doesn't have money to pay for the dinner when we about to left, so I spent quite a lot that time. Then he dare to asked for another trip to cinema after I just paid for everything. I don't mean that man should pay for things but he was being rude and asked me to pay for him on a first date. He also ordered an expensive meal.
-W
When you date someone, treat them like a queen, respect etc but they eventually choose the bad boy type that treats them like garbage all the while telling you how wonderful you are. Apparently respect and kindness is not exciting anymore
-N
This was my complaint before I met my perfect match: Getting punished for treating women well, getting rewarded for doing the opposite, and the damage it did to my personality until I realized it, and until I got lucky enough to meet someone who isn't like that.
-T
How To Get Her to Date You Instead of the Bad Boy and Find out if she is actually worth it.
The Secrets Of Mastering Speed Dating in Record Time
The amount of time and effort needed in order to find someone who is worth the time. Going on a first date is awful. I prefer job interviews. Then there's the waiting game... who calls whom? When? The expectation of physical intimacy on date 3 even though you may only have a total of 9 hours spent together. The head games... "I had a great time- let's do this again" and never calls.
-A
Having to tell some stranger your life story...again.
-I
Manipulation (push/pull and other coercive tactics), games, girls who play games, the immaturity, deception, feeding egos, dysfunctions, agendas/ulterior motives, affairs, lack of ethics, principles, morals, integrity, respect, the need to have things happen quickly, etc. It's a social construct that existed ever since the sexual revolution...It's done more harm than good by corrupting those involved...the generation of our grandparents did things right. Media has sold the false notion of propaganda through bad boy/girl images, fantasies, etc. The general public bought into it. Real life is completely different. Reality can make or break things or people.
-L
How to expand on the stories of your life, without lying, and presenting yourself in the best possible way for attraction
How To Get More Social with Friends and Dating, and Network in Friendly Ways
trying to start dating again at the age of 50
-J
Finding a babysitter. I've had a guy get angry because I couldn't have my son watched
-M
I hate having to shower three times a day.
-C
I hate that dating feels alienating. Like I'm never good enough. Not attractive enough or successful enough. Like I have to be a perfect specimen.
-J
The implied notion that a woman is considered a 'slut' if she goes to bed with a man too early (even though many men deny that they think that way).
-T
Getting your hopes up before a date, thinking they may actually have potential and then being disappointed.
-T
My wife finding out
-F
How You Can Be HONEST and STILL have a Great Love Life!
Understand Women on an Emotional Level
Hate Most? Actually trying to GET THAT 1ST DATE! I'm a Tv & Movie Extra at 57, with a long beard and long hair. Most women won't even talk to me unless I shave. If I do, then they will consent to give me a date. but I will have to FORGET ABOUT GETTING A JOB! I'm still the SAME person, aren't I?
-J
What I always hated about dating were expectations on either (or both) sides. There is no need to "get" anywhere. There is only being nice to each other. (IMHO)
-F
It's much like job hunting. Tell to much to soon and you risk scaring them away.
-N
You are judged by your looks and your material possessions.
-R
dating is too serious and i find that people lack a sense of humour and adventure
-D
Understand Men on an Emotional Level
P.S. Do you Agree With This Article? Disagree? Have something to Add?
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